Reading Reviews for In The Friend Zone.
  
49 Reviews Found

Review #26, by The Black Lioness The Plan.

31st May 2012:
Eeeep, I already love this story! I've always been intrigued with the Weasley/Malfoy feud, but it's nice to see that they're friends here! Poor Scorp...I'm excited to see how this plays out!

Author's Response: aww yay, I'm glad you like it! I know! Scorpius/Rose is one of my favorites :) It's like Romeo & Juliet! :D thanks for the review, you're awesome!

-Amanda


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Review #27, by slytherinchica08 Confessions.

5th May 2012:
Oh this was just so cute and i absolutely loved it! I could feel my heart racing through this whole chapter waiting to see how it was going to turn out for the two! I think u did a great job though i was a bit confused with al being there watching them since he said that he had his own date that day! Altogether though this was a really cute story about rose and scorp getting together! I will be adding this to my favorites! Great job!

~slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Yay, I'm glad you liked it :) I know, I was hoping it was going to be intense for the reader so I'm happy to hear that your heart was racing!

That part was a bit confusing, wasn't it? I think since their date did go on for a little while longer than I let on, I should have put in that Albus was done with his date...

Thanks again for all the reviews! I know a lot of people don't review every chapter of a story and I'm really greatful that you did, it made me all happy and smiley (:

Thank you for adding it to your favorites, you're so nice!

-Amanda


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Review #28, by slytherinchica08 Preparations.

5th May 2012:
Ok nope this is my favorite of the chapters so far! The interaction between the two is just so cute and i just loved it. I like how u twisted 20 questions so that they had to jump in the lake if they refused to answer, it was a nice touch! Im so excited for the next chapter and her surprise date with scorp! Also i loved seeing both povs during this chapter i really thought that worked really well and hope u do the same for the nextand last chapter! I feel like an excited school girl for the next chapter! Great job so far im still really enjoying the story! Great job!

~slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Yay for favorite chapters! I'm glad you like the interactions and the 20 questions game :)

I liked the two POV's too, it was different and fun to write :)

Thanks for the review!

-Amanda


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Review #29, by slytherinchica08 A Failed Mission.

5th May 2012:
Oh i loved this chapter as it was so funny and if i wasnt at worked i would have actually laughed out loud at bits! Only two more chapters and im so excited to find out what happens! Rose is getting a bit jealous i think, which means that she does return scorps feelings though im still not sure if she will say yes right away or not but i cant wait to continue reading to find out! Ive really enjoyed the story so far and i would say that this is my favorite chapter so far just because it was so funny! I shall keep reading! Great job!

~slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: I'm glad you thought it was funny and I could see why you wouldn't want to laugh out loud, my boss wouldn't like that too much either :P

Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked this chapter!

-Amanda


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Review #30, by slytherinchica08 Wise Words From Molly.

5th May 2012:
Well not to much really happend in this chapter but it was still good none the less. Im interested to see where things go from here and i hope that she says yes to him. I loved the interactions between scorp and al, it was nice to see a bit of their friendship. The flow of the story has continued to be great throughout the chapters and from one chapter to the next. Im really enjoying the story! Great job!

~slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: It was kind of fluffy wasn't it? Thanks again for the reviews, you're really making my day! :D

-Amanda


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Review #31, by slytherinchica08 A Rose Weasley Type Of Problem.

5th May 2012:
Oh that was a great plot twist with them thinking that scorp likes molly rather than rose! Really this is a wonderful story to read so far as its very entertaining and keeps making me wonder whats going to happen next now that dom and rose are going to spy! What are they going to see? More impotantly what are they going to think they are seeing? I cant wait to continue on with this story to find everything out! Again great characterization you are keeping them all very distinct with some similarities as well. Great job!

~slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Haha ever story needs a good plot twist, eh? Well I'm glad you like it! I'm glad you liked this chapter as well! Thanks for reviewing! :D

-Amanda


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Review #32, by slytherinchica08 The Plan.

5th May 2012:
I love this! I think its really cute and a great idea. I love the different characters u have already introduced and have given each one their own personalities and im excited to see how the rest of the story plays out. Scorp is great in this already with his excitement and nerves and i hope that he doesnt get turned down. I think the idea behind this is pretty original to have the girl he likes help set up his blind date only to find out that its all for her, its so cute! I shall continue reading as i really want to know what happens between them! Great job!

~slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Aw thanks :) I'm glad you're liking this so far! I'm glad you like the characters and the plot, it makes me happy :)

-Amanda


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Review #33, by AriesGirl40 Confessions.

5th May 2012:
Yea! Scorpius didnt end up taking Molly! That was a good ending :) I enjoyed your story, hope to see more from you

Author's Response: aw thank you, I'm glad you liked it (:

I actually just posted a One-Shot if you'd like to read that!

thank you for sticking with the story and reviewing!

-Amanda


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Review #34, by Beeezie Wise Words From Molly.

30th April 2012:
You know, I'm starting to wonder if maybe part of your problem is the perspective. I had a lot of the same issues with this Scorpius chapter as I did with the first one - I didn't feel like it was as coherent as the second chapter. I felt like you kind of just dropped the reader into the scene without really providing a neat segue in, and I also didn't feel like enough really happened for it to be a chapter all on its own.

I do see that your chapters start to get longer later on, which (in my opinion) is good, but I think that you could make this longer just by adding more detail in. I don't really feel like I have a good grasp on Rose and Scorpius as a couple yet - Albus is saying that they've been in love forever, but I haven't really seen that so far. In this chapter, you focused more on his conversation with Molly than his bumping into Rose, which seemed a little odd.

I hope I'm not coming across as hypercritical, because I do enjoy this story and I think that you have a lot of promise. There are a lot of little sparks that are great - in particular, I like the way you're depicting a lot of the friendships so far (Rose & Dominique, Albus & Scorpius, Scorpius & Molly). I just feel like you need more detail to take the story to the next level and really get me invested in the characters. What you have here is good - I just want more.

If that makes sense.

(Hopefully this didn't come off as rude or mean or anything! I really do like the story!)

Author's Response: I definitely think you're right about that! Scorpius was a lot harder for me to write and I'm thinking about editing a lot of it sometime to see if I can make it better! Thank you for reviewing! You really helped me :)

-Amanda


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Review #35, by Beeezie A Rose Weasley Type Of Problem.

30th April 2012:
Okay, this is more along the lines of what I was talking about in my last review. I feel like this was just a more complete, more coherent chapter - it had a clear progression from start to finish. There was also a nice symmetry about starting it with Dominique talking about doing some investigating, and ending it with Rose saying it. I also felt like you definitely built up the sequence of events that led her to change her mind well. Great job. :)

I also felt like you included information here that helped pull me into Rose's life in a way I wasn't necessarily pulled into Scorpius's. There was just a lot of background worked into this, and as a rule, it was worked in well. You're mentioning cousins as they come up, rather than going through and listing them all off (e.g., James), which for me comes across as a lot more clean and interesting to read. I also got a good sense of her relationship with Dominique based on their interactions, which was an excellent example of showing rather than telling.

I still think that you could have included a little more information, though - in particular, I really want to know what House they're all in, and what Rose's relationship is with Scorpius and Albus. I didn't really get a sense of how close they are - on one hand, you mentioned Rose, Dominique, Albus, and Scorpius sneaking around the castle late at night, but on the other, the way she reacted to Scorpius in the hall and the way she thought about him and Albus just didn't feel particularly close or affectionate. I wanted to see more of that in there.

There were also a few little details here and there that didn't really work. There was one point (in the sentence starting, Half way down to the Great Hall) where you referred to Scorpius as "Malfoy," which doesn't seem to fit if they're friends.

Another awkward point for me was when Dominique was pulling the clothing out of her trunk. First, you described the clothes in a lot more detail than you described everything else ("tight black skinny jeans"), which comes off feeling kind of strange - a simple mention of Dominique pulling out black clothing would have been sufficient. It's important to keep your level of description consistent, and in general, for clothing less is more. (Not always true, but usually is.) Second, the Charlie's Angels reference was completely anachronistic to me - they're wizarding girls in the 2020s. How on earth would Rose know what Charlie's Angels were, and to the extent that they would jump into her mind first?

On the whole, though, nice job. I think the biggest thing you can do to improve it (other than those little errors and the number of line breaks in between paragraphs, which are a bit distracting) is to add in more detail and information. :)

Author's Response: So sorry for responding to this so late but you definitely did help me! I edited this a bunch and took in a lot of your CC :)



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Review #36, by Beeezie The Plan.

25th April 2012:
Hey. :)

I think that this is a really promising start. I like the voice you've constructed for Scorpius - you did a great job of balancing a very solid writing style in a mechanical sense (grammar, etc) and keeping his thoughts informal enough that I felt like I could easily relate to him. His plan itself is also hilarious, and it's not one that I recall seeing before. I like the fact that you've made Rose and Scorpius friends - not best friends, not enemies, just normal friends who sometimes have a little bit of tension. (Or at least, that's my impression.) That's different from the spin that's usually given, and that makes the story stand out in my mind.

You were also really good at choosing when to summarise and when to actually include the dialogue (e.g., simply writing that Albus and Scorpius pestered her for five minutes rather than writing out the actual dialogue). That kept the chapter from dragging, and made it a lot easier for me as a reader to follow.

Now for some cc. (I hope you don't mind.)

I felt like you jumped into the story a little too quickly without properly grounding it. That's not to say that I wanted a six-paragraph summary of all of the next-gens, their houses, their favourite subjects, and how Scorpius feels about each and every one of them, but I did want you to slow down a bit. Rather than jumping straight into Scorpius and Albus going to Molly, it would have been nice to see some more information about Scorpius's relationship with Rose. Are they in the same house? Are they fairly good friends (like Harry and Dean, for example), or just kind of friendly (like Hermione and Parvati, for example)? He says that she's stubborn, annoying, irritating, and beautiful. How so? Does he have any memories that illustrate that? Has she done something recently?

Etc.

Similarly, what is Scorpius's relationship with Albus? How is Albus's relationship with Rose, and does Albus feel like he has divided loyalties? Those questions popped up in my head, but you didn't really answer them, and I feel like I wanted some answer or hint worked into the chapter. Just a passing mention - "Albus has never really understood my fixation on Rose" or "Albus and Rose are really close, and he thinks that us being together would be convenient" or something along those lines - would have helped bring the story to life.

Again, I like what you have, but right now I feel like it has promise and is a fun read but lacks some depth. Nice job, though, especially for your first fanfic, and I'll definitely try to r&r your other chapters as well while I'm on my Gryffie story spree! :) (I've been reading lots of Gryffie stories so I can find great nominations for the Golden Paw Awards. :P)

Author's Response: Thank you! It's always nice to see a surprise review, especially one so long!

I'm glad you like Scorpius... He's one of my favorites :) And yes, I liked the plot too :D I got it from a show called The Friend Zone on MTV and I just knew I had to use the idea some how. :P

Thank you for the CC. I think I wrote it by jumping right in because I really didn't know any other way to start it... haha. I know what you mean about it lacking some depth, but it is only the first chapter. I initially wrote this all at once and to be one long One-Shot but I eventually seperated it into chapters, and I can assure you that it gets more in depth as you read more chapters :) I'll try to see where I can add a few extra things, especially now that I'm finished with it and know where it's going.

I hope you like the rest of the chapters, and again, thanks for reading and reviewing, it means a lot :)


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Review #37, by AriesGirl40 Preparations.

19th April 2012:
Very awesome! They already started their date and Rose is still clueless. Scorpius isn't remembering that, I hope he spits it out soon, or he is going to end up missing the boat and going on a date with Molly! lol Curage young man, gather some up, poor boy.
Great chapter, loved it.

Author's Response: Haha thank you! I'm glad you're liking it so far :D

I know, they are both super clueless arent they? Ahhh, young love! :P

But thank you, I love reviews!

-Amanda


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Review #38, by ScorpiusRose17 Confessions.

30th March 2012:
Awe! This was adorable!

You did a wonderful job bringing this to an end. I am sad to see it end because I liked it so much!

I think you did a great job with all of the charatcers, setting, pace and flow. I thought you tied up all the loose ends and I only noticed that Hogsmead(e) gave you trouble in this chapter.

Thanks for writing such a great story! I look forward for the opportunity to read more of your writing in the future!

Great work! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Aw, I'm glad you liked it, that means a lot! :D

Yes, it did seem to give me trouble for some reason. odd...

But thank you sooo much for reading and reviewing my story! You have made me feel 100x better about this story and I'm so glad you liked it! I know you had a bunch of other stories to review, so thank you for reading and reviewing so quickly!

I added you as a friend on the Fourms so I'll let you know when I submit another story! (I have a one-shot I'm working on) ;)

Thanks again!

-Amanda


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Review #39, by ScorpiusRose17 Preparations.

30th March 2012:
I really liked this chapter. Al is such a stinker! Although I could totally relate to Scorpius and having a friend that just drives you bonkers.

I think you did a wonderful job characterizing Rose and Scorpius. It's cute how they are both madly in love with one another and yet everyone else knows it but them. Well then again Rose thinks Scorpius is head over heels for Molly.

I thought the twenty questions game was fun and interesting. Typical teenage stuff that one could find believable and relate to all at the same time.

The flow of the chapter was smooth with no messy transitions and the pace was well balanced. I did notice a couple of typos...

"Rose does has a good sense of style for men."

I think you meant have instead of has. Has makes the sentence sound confusing.

"Hogsmead"

Just forgot the e at the end Hogsmeade.

Overall, I think you did an amazing job and everything has connected well to this chapter. I loved what you have done with the characters and I can't wait to see what this date is going to be like!

Keep up the great work!=)

-SR17

Author's Response: haha I'm glad you liked it! :)

I know, I think Rose over thought the whole thing like really smart people tend to do!

Thank you for pointing out the typo's, ill fix them right away!

-Amanda


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Review #40, by ScorpiusRose17 A Failed Mission.

29th March 2012:
Oh no they did find the note!

Oh goodness I feel bad probably for the first time ever for Madam Pince... hahaha.

And Mrs. Norris the III ;)

How the heck could you fall asleep on a spy mission?! hahaha. Dom is goofy.

Well overall, I think you have done a great job. Your staying consistant when going from chapter to chapter, your characterization is done well, along with the flow and pace. I thought the dialogue was just as well done as it was in the previous chapters.

Keep up the great work! =)

Thanks for re-requesting,

-SR17

Author's Response: I know! What terrible luck that she found it! ;P

Haha I felt kinda bad too! Poor old lady running around like a madwoman!

I'm glad you're liking the chapters, they were so fun to write :) I think these two (three and four) were probably some of my favorites!

Thank you for the amazing reviews, once again, they make my day :) I read them right before work today and I was happy all through work!

-Amanda


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Review #41, by ScorpiusRose17 Wise Words From Molly.

29th March 2012:
Oh goodness they found the note didn't they?! Oh I hope not. Poor Scorpius is a typical boy in love not thinking properly. I can't wait to see what type of chaos this could lead to! =)

I thought this was a fantastic chapter. I really like how you've continued to portray Scorpius and the Weasley/Potter gang. They are all so unique in their own little ways and you bring that out very well.

I also like how you have Scorpius befriending Molly.

Overall, I thought you did a great job with characterization, flow, pace and dialogue. I don't think that there was anything that was lacking here. I didn't notice any spelling errors or typos.

You know your characters well and I am anxious to find out what happens on this date!

Keep up the great work! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Ahhh thank you! Your reviews absolutely make my day!

I'm glad you like my characterization and the flow, it really helps to know that I can write a story that flows well together :)

Yay for no grammar/spelling mistakes! :D

Thanks again!

-Amanda


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Review #42, by ScorpiusRose17 A Rose Weasley Type Of Problem.

26th March 2012:
Oh how I love cousins and gossip mills. =)

This is going to spiral into chaos. Dom is such a goofy girl. You would think that she would know better than to think that Al would set Scorpius up with Molly. I can't wait to see what happens. Rose is in for the shock of her life.

I really like how this is going. It's such a nice breath of fresh air to read something fun and vibrant.

I did notice a grammar error that I thought I would point out. Again it's minor...

"She's done this millions of times before with the latest gossip but never in my wildest dreams would I think of her telling me something like this."

You are just missing a comma between gossip and but.

Overall, I really like this and I think it's funny how seeing one thing can be taken all wrong and lead to so much trouble. I think you do a great job bringing your characters to life. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Keep up the good work! =)

-SR17

Thanks for requesting.

Author's Response: Thanks for the reviews! they make me feel so much better about this story- especially because this is my first one :)

I'm glad you like where this is going, it was really easy to write and i turned out happy with it :) and thank you for the correction! i know that one minor mistake can throw off a whole sentence so im glad you pointed it out.

thanks again for reviewing! i think I'll be requesting again :)

-Amanda


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Review #43, by ScorpiusRose17 The Plan.

26th March 2012:
I really liked this chapter.

I like how it just jumped right into the midst of Scorpius planning his date with Rose. It's nice to be able to read a story about them where they don't start off fighting like cats and dogs. Not that I assume that they won't at some point, but it's a breath of fresh air when you open a story this way.

I think you did a great job in characterizing Scorpius. He's the descrite type and this whole planning and secretiveness suits him well. I have always pictured him as best friends with Albus, but a lot of stories paint Albus in a bad way towards Scorpius too. Along with Molly. So it's a nice change.

I did notice a couple of spelling errors that I would like to point out to you. Keep in mind that they were minor.

Hogsmead - Hogsmeade

Head Mistress - Headmistress

Not a huge deal and it didn't take away from the chapter, but I still wanted you to know they were there.

I can't wait to see what happens next!

Keep up the good work! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Thanks, glad you liked it! And yeah, i like to think that they at least get along SOMETIMES! :P
And, i found it really easy to characterize him so I'm glad you liked it :) i was happy and nervous when i saw your Fourms name because this is a Rose/Scorpius story and I'm guessing they're one of your favorite ships? i'm just glad i did them justice :D

Oh! thanks, ill change those right away :) i know i have a few other 'Hogsmeade' spelling errors in other chapters but i think i'll fix them after you review the other ones :) (i'm going to request more i think :D)

-Amanda


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Review #44, by jay Confessions.

23rd March 2012:
loved your short story

Author's Response: ahhh thank you! that means a lot :)

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Review #45, by KxxDxx Confessions.

22nd March 2012:
Loved it x
Sad it has ended x
Will you write a sequel? x
My favourite line was by Dom "I didn't know"
Great story x

Author's Response: ah thank you! You were such a good reviewer and it made me so happy(:
I honestly didnt think about writing a sequel... maybe i will in the future though! i have a few stories in the works so i would like to get those out first and then maybe ill think about it! thanks again, you really made my day :D

-Amanda


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Review #46, by KxxDxx Preparations.

20th March 2012:
Aww, this story is making me sad, cannot wait until she realises the date is for her!
Post soon x

Author's Response: Aww im sorry! But i like you, you review a lot :) and dont worry, the last chapter is being validated!

-Amanda


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Review #47, by KxxDxx A Failed Mission.

18th March 2012:
Poor Rose, she doesn't understand yet.
Post soon :D x

Author's Response: lol she's pretty clueless, eh?
Chapter 5 is in the queue :)
thanks for the review!

-Amanda


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Review #48, by Lavina The Plan.

11th March 2012:
Nice! Fun reading! Like the character if Molly and scorpius! Waiting to read abt rose.

Author's Response: Thank you :) I liked writing Molly. I read alot about her being horrible and I wanted to write her in a different light :)

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Review #49, by KxxDxx Wise Words From Molly.

9th March 2012:
This story is amazing :D x
Love it so far :D x
Post soon :D x

Author's Response: Yay! my first review :D
thanks so much, that means a lot. I'll be posting soon, don't worry!

-Amanda


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