This is quite a fascinating story, an unexpected and different sort of mood piece. The imagining of Sirius and James' reunion in the afterlife was nothing I ever expected. It is imaginative. I think the slash element fits well with these two characters.
I look forward to reading more.Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
I've only noticed one mistake that struck out to me:
“I still think he’s acting irrational."
-I think it should be 'irrationally' rather than 'irrational'.
Other than that, I've gotta say that it's quite believable and the flow is great! The idea's good and original. :) I loved your summary of your story, by the way. :DAuthor's Response: That does make a bit more sense, thanks for pointing it out! And thank you for such a nice review. :) Report Review
This is my first slash story and I can say it was believable. And enjoyable. And amazing. I'm truly in awe. The way you wrote these characters...I have to say I liked Sirius and Lily especially. James was very well done too, but he didn't have such an effect on me like Sirius and Lily did. Firstly, Lily was flawless. She was gorgeously written and I believed when Sirius thought that if there was no James, he'd love to spend his eternity with Lily. This is why I love her character so much, you've written it exactly like the way I love seeing her portrayed. With that big heart and wisdom, understanding and the ease and grace with which she is. You captured it all.
Sirius was wonderful. His thoughts...he was wretched, but strong and with that spark of his. His sorrow over James grabbed my heart and I couldn't believe just how much I believed his love. And also the way you created the afterlife and the way Sirius percieves it is magnificent in its own way. The flow was simply perfect. I mean, the writing felt so effortless and it was so easy to read. Sometimes chapters with this length can drag on forever, even if they're not that long to begin with, but they just drag on. Yours didn't. I loved reading every bit of it and I never skipped. You have a beautiful way with words. I loved reading this and I'll read the next two parts really soon, I promise. Thanks for requesting.
~LizAuthor's Response: Well, for your first slash fic, I'm glad that you enjoyed it and I didn't completely turn you away from that particular story. Thank you so much for your lovely review and for being so quick about it! I know the parts are rather long, so thank you thank you thank you. :) Report Review
I'm in my happy place. Together with A Cold Heaven, this might be my favourite thing that you've written ever. Goodness, how I've missed your writing. I love your idea about everyone having a unique heaven, and the fact that Sirius' heaven is sort of a quiet, empty version of London; that the flowers never need watering because, like the people there, as once 'living' things they are now eternal; that Lily knows about Sirius' feelings for James but simply accepts it and loves them both anyway. I am so happy that Sirius' afterlife is not Azkaban (the passage describing what that would have been like is incidentally the best one, in my opinion, in the chapter. Absolute poetry). I love the fact that this kind of afterlife is not simply a reward; it has its own trials and lessons to be learned. I can't explain why I adore this so much, I guess it's just your lovely mature narrative style, and the sweet, natural dialogue which, god knows how, sounds absolutely effortless. Oh, bugger. I've run out of things to say. You're an artist, I adore you. And I know I'm going to cry in part two.Author's Response: I've missed you!. Thank you so much. I hope I can write the second part soon. I have a lot of ideas. Report Review
This is really good!
Honestly! Ten out of ten! Let me know when the next chapter's up?
xxxAuthor's Response: I'm so pleased you liked it. Thank you so much! Report Review
This is LittleBookworm from the HPFF Forums. You have requested a review from me, so here I am. :) Before I actually start reviewing the actual story, though, I would like to apologize for the incredibly long delay. I've been pretty busy lately, with finals, and I just didn't have the necessary time to sit down in front of my computer and leave the review that you deserve. :)
Now, with that being said, I'll just start this review with saying that you had me on the edge of my seat during the whole chapter. There are only a few stories that manage to glue my eyes to the screen and this story is one of those few.
I'm a huge description freak because, in my opinion, the description makes the reader picture everything so much better, thus making the reader feel much more involved in the story. Your description is flawless. :)
The characters, especially Sirius, were in character. I can't really say the same about James and Lily simply because we know close to nothing about how they were, personality wise.
I never imagined Sirius and James having a relationship that involved more than brotherly love/friendship but this story made me think more and more about the possibility of Sirius having been in love with James.
There weren't any Spelling/Grammer/Punctuation errors that stood out to me. I'm really glad that there weren't any because it gets a little tiring to always have to point them out in a review. :)
-LittleBookwormAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review!! :) Report Review
I'm here. You are one of the few writers who can pull me out of my reader's block. ^_^ I haven't been able to read anything lately and this just pulled me in. I read it on my lunch break (having school on Saturday) and felt content again. You always make me feel like this. The amazing part is that I adore your Lily. With a few short sentences you managed to make her something special. I dislike her character because she's too perfect (nothing to save there). You make the perfection perfect.
I kind of feel sad about the afterlife. It's somehow lonely... empty. Of course they have one another, but still, only one another. But at the same time, I think it's peaceful. It would be wonderful to see young Sirius again. And that arrogant, annoying James... trying to be both, not realizing that life (or afterlife) is about choices, real choices.
I loved this, Missy. I always love your words. You have a special voice and it carries far. *hugs* Report Review
Hi there :D I'm swinging in with the review, a few days too late ^^
This was very good! I love your language; your vocabulary is broad and diverse, and your whole story flows fairly good :)
I love deep, mysterious stories, but in this one the descriptions and the wording seemed just a little bit complex for me. English is not my first language, so I guess that's why I struggled with some of the words and the structure of some sentences. But I really like the plot, and I think that the way you write is interesting. Interesting thing, that you chose to write in the present tense. I've never read a story quite like this before.
The only sentence that kind of irked me was "Sirius, he always said that James was the one who shined, who would shine so bright, even in death, because he was always loved, but here, he thinks that Lily â€“ she could outshine them both. " There were like a lot of commas in it, and to me it just became very confusing. I read it like ten times before I understood it. I was thinking that maybe you would want to make two sentences of it, or else shorten it down a little bit :)
But that's really it! I think this was great, I didn't find a single typo, and it looks like you used a lot of time developing and putting the finishing touches on this chapter. Marvelous.
I was gonna say that the ending was confusing, because by some reason I was sure this was a one-shot, but the Author Notes explained that there will be a part two :) I can't wait for this to continue.
10/10Author's Response: Oh...I meant to fix that sentence too. Thanks for pointing it out again because I probably would have forgotten. :) Thanks for the review! Report Review
Aw, Missy, this was beautiful. I love it ever so much, it makes me happy and sad all at the same time. It's very cute the way Lily knows absolutely everything. And she thinks it's okay, which is even better. What I am wondering, however, is her 'secret', as in "We all have our secrets." Maybe she'll move in with Severus when he gets there? Can't wait to find out!
Anyway, this was a really good continuation. The last few paragraphs in which Sirius and James have a confrontation of sorts are all really wonderful. Yes, James definitely has a 'stupid little crush' on Sirius as well. Well done making their relationship so complex and simple at the same time; it works so well.
Please update soon, I just can't wait to find out what happens next. Favourited!
Diandra Report Review
love, AWESOME story. I love the fight James and Sirius have at the end. I don't want to say it's cute, because that would be really weird, but... it kind of is =P I love them and their emotions and Sirius's punch. Don't get me wrong - it's really dramatic and emotional and sad.
I really like the afterlife you created. And the entire plotline. Just the situation you created for these characters is so wonderful, and the characterization is great. I love Lily here, and how she accepts what's going on between her two best friends. That seems like the kind of person she is - giving what is hers so that someone else can be happy. Too bad James doesn't really go for it =/
Amazing story. You're such a talented writer, and, off topic a little, I LOVE seeing how you put so much effort and time and thought into this, and seeing how it grows and everything, then the final product and just how amazing it is. Report Review
Wow, that was an intense ending. I loved how you described it, especially the punch, because you said what happened without reading off a series of verbs. I can definitely see the writing thing coming back to you with this story - the more you wrote, the better it got with the poetics and descriptions. Even the characters deepened until you reached this climactic cliffhanger that was extremely powerful. It brought this story together with A Cold Heaven really well. Pretty much you know what I'll say about your amazing characterizations - Lily was fantastic! definitely the best I've seen in a while - and the beautiful way that your words come out. This line was my favourite - The first notes hit Sirius like a bullet, a train colliding with him head-on and leaving him to deal with the wreckage, the fragmented pieces of his past. - because it was an interesting way to describe the affect of the music upon Sirius. It is just like what happens when one hears an old song they once loved, but haven't heard in a while. This story is excellent so far - it'll be great to see how you put the rest together with all the ideas you were telling me about. =) Report Review
Well, truthfully, I don't know where to begin. Perhaps I'll start with the fact that I could not take my eyes off the screen and had to keep on reading; I thought at first that I'd be distracted and too tired to pay attention, but wow - I was glued and that's something remarkable, especially at four a.m. Your writing is as always incredible - you have a way with words that honestly transport the reader into the story and bam!, the reader is officially captured. It's amazing. I loved it that you used present tense - not many people can pull it off, but you made it seem effortless in this. It's refreshing. The text flows exceedingly well and I can't get enough of the writing - or the plot, or the characters too for that matter.
Plot: brilliant. The afterlife is believable and I like how well described it is - thank you Sirius for asking questions.
As for the characters - well, what to say? James's struggle is well shown and also understandable. It's clear that he is one who, when has to make a choice, choose the one that is universally right and not really listens to himself... Noble - doing the right thing, no matter how he really feels. It breaks my heart to see him torn, but seeing as Lily knows and accepts, it shouldn't be that hard. If it's really what he wants... :* Hah, sorry, I'm such a J/L shipper. His character in all is perfect - you've portrayed him wonderfully. Lily... Well, same there. I couldn't help seeing her as a sun in this. Don't ask me why, but it felt like that... And that she knows and accepts it and doesn't give them a hard time - it's great, but sad in its own way. Bittersweet is the right word for it perhaps. I loved your portrayal of her. Sirius is... again, what to say? How to express my awe? You've captured the essence in him and shown it wonderfully. I was hoping for a tiny second though, that he'd give up and realize James would never come around =p Sorry, it's just - meh, I don't know. Even though I like them together - James and Sirius - I don't think they were meant to be. Not even in the afterlife. Darn, I'm torn too!
Oh, and I was very happy to see that you included the punch - James did deserve it for... Well, for what he's done to Sirius. I'm curious about the second part a bit, but I'll be waiting patiently. Overall: you've outdone yourself with this and please, don't ever stop writing. I wouldn't be able to handle it! =) Report Review
This is definitely an amazing start. I've already mentioned to you that your style might not be that similar to your old one, but it still has the Missy touch. This beast, while it was difficult for you to write, it's great. Your descriptions are still there, and that's what I admire about you the most. The dialogue is smooth and it really goes well with the characters.
Everything works well together. From the beginning with your description of the afterlife, to Lily telling Sirius that she's known all the time. It really brings a lot more to the story to have Lily know instead of her finding out through surprise. I think that was a brilliant way to write it on your part. Also, the end is so strong and so full of emotion! I like that you wanted Sirius to punch James, but you had him suppress the urge to do so. It really shows a lot about his character.
It was great Missy! I'm really glad that I was the one person that read the least because it allowed me to enjoy this story in full. You did well on it, and congrats for getting back into writing quicker than me. You're amazing and I look forward to your next installation. Thanks for thinking of the mafia too, because we did here you whine the most. (: Report Review
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