A very different look on Sirius going to Hogwarts for the first time. I find it cool that you are having him be all "Blackish" at first, even practically hating James. I'm very interested to see how he forms into his friend. I hope you update somewhat soon. I've been waiting for this to come out for a while. :-) Report Review
I love this. I love how you make Sirius seem so different than how he is usually portrayed. Definately going on my favorites list. Report Review
well. i have to admit that this topic isn't floating my boat, but it definitely warmed up by the end. the bit on the train was ok, but a little too paralleled to harry and his crew. it could use a little... flair of its own. also, i was wondering about the point of the prologue, if your going to start this piece with, "Sirius Black is as brave as any eleven-year-old can be. At least he thinks he must be because living with the Black family can make anyone brave enough to at least face their own demons." this seems to be a start in in of itself.
overall i'm not sure how i feel about this story. i think it has potential, but the start could use some refining. Report Review
good missy. but basic. i think you could add a little more emotion to it, especially when sirius is surprised by regulus, etc. "to be perfectly honest" is a well-worn phrase of yours, but i would suggest trying something different that stands out a bit more.
good basic start though. Report Review
I love this chapter. It is so telling of Sirius' future. “Make them respect you, Sirius. Never lower yourself to their standards. You are a Black, you will follow our standards. There is a lot to be expected of you.” That has to be my favorite line. Your portrayal of Mrs. Black is so wonderful. The scenes on the train are perfect. It's interesting that you have Sirius meet Lily first and then get insulted by James. It makes me wonder how they become best of friends after such a start. The sorting ceremony said it all, though. He knew he was a disappointment. The look from Narcissa. And then the loneliness he feels. It's just great. I am so ready to see where you go from here! Report Review
I love your writing style. It really flows. I also love your characterizations (ignore my spelling problems) of the boys when they're young... I've never seen a marauder story that features the boys not becoming friends right away. I have to admit, I made them friends right away in mine also and now I'm sort of wishing I didn't. Yours seems more realistic than others in the fact that they don't automatically become friends. It takes time in real life and your making it take time in your story. Good Job. I'll be watching for new updates. Report Review
love it Report Review
You know I couldn't wait this chapter and there is a reason for that. You may be a young writer, you may be a struggling writer at times, but there is some strange magic in your words. When I found your stories (actually you were among the first ones I read here) almost a year ago, I thought you were a poet. You managed to make me love something I found very weird: slash. There's something about the way you write drama... you can even be melodramatic without sounding forced or bad or anything negative. You can use these almost Shakespearian elements (kings and their crowns) and you don't sound like a young girl writing about them. You sound like a genuine author.
There are many parts and sentences that I loved in this one, but to be totally honest, it was almost impossible for me to separate them from the text because I love it as it is, as a whole story, word to word. There is one though that makes me love this chapter so much. "As he sits in his four-poster bed, surrounded by red instead of green, by three sleeping boys with names such as Potter, Pettigrew, and Lupin, instead of McNair, Nott, and Snape, Sirius knows that he has stumbled from the throne as a disgrace." It's just perfect. Report Review
Hi i am really enjoying this story, it is like i imagined it to be for Sirius Report Review
oooo...this sounds SOOOOOOO good!!! im impressed and cant wait for more!! lyl lyl Report Review
Yay! You posted! I love everything about this chapter: all the dialogue, the description, and your usual brilliantly poetic writing style. The fact that James and Sirius begin their "friendship" as rivals bordering on enemies adds great interest to the story because it's different from most MWPP-era fics, which have them being as thick as theives right away. Most of all, however, I adore the Sorting Hat scene - I've never seen it done so well. When the hat tells him ‘Oh no, dear boy, you are most definitely not a Slytherin.’ I burst out laughing. It's so fitting to the Hat's strange personality and just the way it's said just works so well. This entire chapter is simply amazing, and I'm so anxious to see what comes next (though I won't rush you at all). Thanks so much for writing this! ^_^ Report Review
Interesting first chapter Missy. Aww, I just loved how cute you made Sirius be. I've never read a fanfic with Sirius so cute before. And the way you had Sirius being sorted was perfect! I think that it was unique because most stories have Sirius praying that he won't be sorted into Slytherin --- very unique. haha I liked how he thinks "
‘Just sort me into Slytherin and get it over with,’ <.i> I could imagine his voice just there. And the way you had James and Sirius competing against each other was priceless. And I liked how you had Lily immediately take herself away from James presence at the beginning. Well done, and she sounded like Harry did when he was a first year. That last part was just wonderful. Can't wait to read chapter two, your writing is just getting more powerful every time you release a new fic/chapter. Lovely job! This has to be my favorite quote of the chapter though. Just love it.
Sirius knows that he has stumbled from the throne as a disgrace. Now Regulus (little prince, so rightly named) holds the crown just as he’s always wanted and Sirius thinks that perhaps it is Regulus who was destined to be the prince all along. Report Review
Why didn't you tell me you had another one up? Ah well, but I will will see you on line later, missy and there will be some sort of hell to pay.This is a just a beautiful moment between two brothers. Everything is set as it should be, the two of them are perfect little collectibles for their parents, to be moved and manipulated for their pleasure. I get the feeling that not even Regulus likes this, but he's so eager to please and be accepted that he will do anything they want him to, Sirius is complacent, he accepts the responsiblity but would willing give it up if it were possible...and perhaps that's part of his rebellion, as it gives Regulus the chance to shine. I do love the opening line, it's such a wonderful image to have of Sirius. He and pianos should always be mentioned in succession.And yes! I found what I was looking for about Bella, in HBP Dumbledore tells us that she is Sirius' oldest living relative, so unless Andromeda was dead at the time of that statement, Bella is the eldest.Author's Response: You don't tell me when you add new stories or update either! So we're even. I agree that Sirius and pianos should always be mentioned in succession. Playing the piano is such an aristocratic art that I can't picture him not being forced to learn the piano. Well, it doesn't matter if Bella or Andromeda is the oldest. Both are out of Hogwarts at the time Sirius arrives, so it won't affect it or anything. Though, now it seems awkward whenever I have to mention all three Black sisters when talking about their time at Hogwarts rather than just Bella and Cissy. I loved writing Sirius and Regulus because I think that Reg's still loyal to Sirius in the beginning. It's just that after Sirius is sorted into Gryffindor, their parents kind of see him as a failure, so they expend so much energy on making Regulus the prince that Sirius could never be. I might be writing a response longer than your review. If that's the case, I should really stop rambling. Thanks for reviewing, Lauren. I always love getting reviews from you. :) Report Review
one word. cool.Author's Response: Fantastic. Thanks for not reviewing. Report Review
Your ability to write like an addictive substance continues to keep me complete hooked and addicted. The very first sentence draws me, I see and feel those cold piano keys, and I feel the disapprovement in the air of the room, the cloud of expectance. It's cloying for Sirius. I almost get the feeling Sirius thinks that Hogwarts will be more of the same, expectance and requirement. I like that Regulus cares for his brother, not the usual hate most people attribute, families mostly deep down love each other in some way. The conversation felt natural, which I liked also. This was a tease though, I am really looking forward to what you come up with, I will be watching for updates, like the addicted person I am :)Author's Response: Thanks, Dena. You know how much I enjoy reading your reviews; they're always worth reading more than once because it reminds me why I post my stories on this site. You're one of my favorite reviewers so please come back as often as I update. :) Report Review
Very interesting take!Author's Response: Thanks for your review. Report Review
This is going to be a very interesting story. I like it so far. The way you made Sirius seems very in character. Oh, and he plays the piano. Thats so cute! hehehe. Hope you update soon!Author's Response: Thanks for your review. Report Review
Very good Missy! You did an outstanding job on the prologue and really brought me into the story. :) I'm sure that this is going to end up fantastic. Wonderful title. I just think it fits. You're writing is just so unique and I think you really did a good job. You're discriptions are lovely and I can't wait to read more. Let's see, my favorite quote had to be the following:
‘Don’t forget that you are a Black,’ his mother says with cold eyes and a stoic gaze. ‘We are like royalty. Act like you are from the most ancient and noble house of Black. Toujours Pur, Sirius. Remember that. Do not disappoint us.’ For some reason, that quote just reminded me entirely of your title that you choose. Keep up the great work and to the favorite list this go. Can't wait to see what else you can come up with!Author's Response: Thanks Mandy. Chapter one will be up soon. :) Report Review
Today, there was one word circling my mind: gorgeous. I wondered where it might fit and when I came to review this story it all 'clicked into place'. Your prologue is gorgous. Funny word, I know, but it fits.
It was this sentence that originally made me feel for your Sirius: "The sound echoes horribly in the large room and suddenly, Sirius feels alone." There were tears in my eyes after that. I adore the way you handle the two together. Everything is so subtle but still out in the open. They are a bit like snakes, acting out on one another.
There is only one word that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable even though it sounds correct in their mouths: gotten. It's an American form of the past tense and I use it myself all the time but for some reason it bothers me slightly in this particular story. I feel stupid even mentioning it, because it's such a minor detail and I hate it myself if someone points out that I've written 'travelled' like 'traveled' or something. :) It's not that important.
The last line is quite revealing, it tells me a lot about the way Sirius thinks of his destined life and where you might want to take this story. I think this is an excellent start for an interesting story and I'm going to follow you through the journey. I wish you all the strenght and will to take this to the very end. :) I want to see what your mind can make. Author's Response: Thanks Johanna. Your reviews are always wonderful and ego-boosting. :) Report Review
I love the interaction between Regulus and Sirius. I love how Sirius realizes that Regulus should be the Prince of the Black household because he doesn't belong. I cannot wait to see where this goes. Wonderful.Author's Response: Thanks for beta-ing it. Despite what people may think, Sirius really is observant about these kinds of things. ;P He knows who he is and what he is capable of doing but he just wants to please his parents. Well, it's how I see Sirius anyways. Thanks for reviewing. :) Report Review
This is such a well written piece, I had a hard time finding things to fix about it when you first showed it to me. I still love the way you have Sirius playing the piano, it is such an aristocratic activity and reflects so well on the world that he was born into. You also depict the relationship between brothers in a very realistic and gentle way. I can't wait to see where you take this. Report Review
I'm speechless, Missy. This prologue, particularily the ending of it, were amazing. I say that I like the ending the best because it contains more of the poetic style you use than the beginning does. Sirius is heir to the throne and the crown but it is Regulus who wants it more. is such a beautiful line and a brilliant way of ending the prologue since it makes the reader yearn to read more. The interaction between Sirius and Regulus was also very well done. They're both, in a way, jealous of each other: Sirius because his brother is given more love from their parents, and Regulus because his brother is the eldest. The image of Sirius playing piano at the beginning was also really well done - it gave a sense of how flawed his parents believe him to be. The royalty themes that come into the story - much like in Rage Against the Dying of the Light - are carried through the entire prologue and reinforce the stately image that the Blacks try to portray. I'm quite eager to see what you will do with the following chapters and what scenes of Sirius' life you will write about. Your Sirius is the perfect mix of daring and eager-to-please, and your Regulus is also perfectly written. Honestly, Missy, you never cease to amaze me with your stories - each of them is so unique, not only from other authors' works, but from each other. =) Report Review
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