Reading Reviews for The Pink Hippogriff Cafť
  
37 Reviews Found

Review #26, by patronus_charm Cheese On Toast

28th April 2013:
Hey Bethany Iím here with your seventh review!

I really liked your characterisation of Astoria, I tend to see her and Daphne have differing roles when they appear in stories but I think this is one of the best Iíve seen. It seemed to make sense that sheís a flighty one and it must contrast with Dracoís steadiness.

I can imagine the scandal it must have caused with her leaving her husband though, as I always imagined purebloods to have a traditional set of morals with divorce not allowed, and I canít wait to see how their infamous mother reacts to this. Iím glad that you made her be married to a canon character as itís a lot more fun that way and we can place her actions more easily.

The fireplace scene with Theo was really cute too, and I loved Astoriaís reaction to it. I can imagine Astoria being one to profess her love for someone no matter what, and Daphne being the more steady one, and I canít see her saying that she loved Theo any time soon. Theo did seem to be disappointed about her not being able to make it though, so perhaps there is romance on the cards for them.

I noticed one small typo here -ďI hate Apparition,Ēí I think it should be apparation :)

I really liked the relationship youíve created between Daphne and Astoria, as I feel thereís something waiting there to be explored, Iím not really sure what, but it just feels as if thereís something being left unsaid. I may be reading too much into this, itís just Daphneís thoughts about her arenít entirely optimistic and it makes me think that somethingís happened.

Another great chapter and I canít wait to read on :)

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello there!

Astoria is too much fun to write :P Did you mean Daphne rather than Draco in that first paragraph? I've certainly tried to keep up a kind of contrast between the two sisters, so it's good to know that you enjoyed that!

I too have always imagined wizards to be a bit more traditional over issues like divorce, especially purebloods... As much as possible, I prefer using canon characters- I like all the little connections!

Aww I'm glad you liked Theo- I was a bit worried about getting him right, as well as Daphne and Astoria's scene after that. Again, it's wonderful that the differences between those two characters are coming through. Plenty more Daphne/Theo to come too :P

Ahh thankyou for spotting that typo!

Yeah, Daphne and Astoria have quite a lot of issues which hopefully will be explored a bit more over the next few chapters...
Thanks again for yet another lovely review! It was great to read :)

-Bethany


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Review #27, by patronus_charm Carrot Cake

27th April 2013:
Hey Bethany I'm here with your sixth review!

First of all I have to say that the name of the cafe is uber cool and I just have images of pink hippogriffs dancing through my brain right now!

I really liked how you made a pureblood run a cafe. I always imagined that the female ones wouldn't have a job so I really liked how you changed it. I think the reason why I liked Daphne having that job so much was because you showed how much she really loved and enjoyed every minute and it was so lovely to see someone so passionate about it.

I'm thinking that Daphne likes Theo in a way more than a good friend would, so I'm looking forward to seeing how that develops as everyone loves a bit of romance.

I really loved her observations of everything and it added so much to the scene and showed the little everyday things. It made my heart warm at the mention of the mother looking over her pram at the baby as so many of these things happen in real life yet we miss most of them.

I spotted this little thing here 'She had been part of the war generation-' I think there should be a space between the generation and the - :)

Ooh and the ending was dramatic too with Astoria bursting in and announcing that she had left 'him'. I sensed some tension between the two there with Daphne saying long time no see, I hope the story behind that develops as my curiosty is aroused!

I can't wait to read on :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey there Kiana!

Well it was worth you leaving this review just to hear about the pink hippogriffs dancing in your brain! :P

This story is basically about Daphne's old Pureblood-y life, versus her new cafe-y one, and the conflict between them so it's good to hear that that's coming through a bit so early on! I'm glad that you like her passion for the cafe- I've got pretty attached to it myself having written ten chapters of it!

I lovve the best-friends-fall-in-love trope, so you'll definitely see some Daphne/Theo dynamics later on!

I think I prbably could have written another two thousand words describing the cafe so I'm glad you like the details! I can see it so clearly in my head, and really want to convey it to the reader... :)

Ahh thankyou for that grammar thing! It's great to have such an observant reader :)

Yeah I do love me a bit of cliffhanger :P Astoria's ended up as a pretty major character in this (probably cuz she's so much fun to write), so it's good to hear that that piques your curiosity! I look forward to scrolling up to read your other reviews! :P

-Bethany


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Review #28, by Lululuna Carrot Cake

14th April 2013:
Hello! We accidentally overlapped each other in the review tag, and so I decided to check out your stories anyway. And I'm very glad I did!!! :)

I really like this as a first chapter! First of all, I was excited to see Daphne and Theo as your characters, since they figure in one of my stories (although yours seem significantly nicer!). The descriptions of the cafe and of Daphne's dedication to it were well written and gave me a very clear mental picture. I especially liked the line: "Everything from the walls that Theo had helped her to paint lilac, to the menus chalked up over the counter was there because she had put it there; she had wanted it to be there." It's an idea that I find very universal and believable.

Poor Eleanor-I feel as if in future chapters she'll be getting into some trouble!

The part about her wishing wizards had a calculating machine was also just great. I wonder how they continue to get by without technology?

I'm also very interested for Theo's introduction into the story. Their friendship seems very sweet, but I also enjoyed Daphne's little fantasies about dating him.

Something that really intrigued me were the family dynamics of the Greengrasses. First of all, how Daphne's mother is arrogant and very different from how Daphne now presents herself. Also, the hinting at the relationship between Daphne and her sister-seems to me like Astoria is a bit of a drama queen, but I'm interested to read about her leaving her husband-assuming it's Malfoy!

Daphne's thoughts and reflections about the past and the war was also brilliant, and I suspect setting up some strong background for future chapters. I'm definitely interested to read about her experiences in the war and how she has recovered. The characterization was very appealing.

Overall, great work! :)

Author's Response: Aww that's so kind of you! Thank you very much for leaving a review, and such a great one at that!

**High fives fellow Daphne & Theo author** I've never written about them before, so it's great to hear from someone who has!

I have such a clear picture of the cafe in my head, and I was anxious to get it over, so I find it great that you liked the description of it.

Haha yes, poor Eleanor! You are absolutely right, there is a fair amount of trouble coming her way in later chapters! :P I'm glad you picked up on the calculating spell... The wizarding world is pretty awesome, but there are some things I think us Muggles do well!

I thought quite a lot about the Greengrass family, and about how they would feel about one another in light of their past. Astoria is a LOT of a drama queen, but she's very fun to write! Her husband wasn't actually Malfoy, but he will make an appearance later...

I'm so pleased that Daphne's reflections on the war came across and worked in the chapter! This was- hopefully- quite a cheerful one, but a lot of this story is going to be about Daphne leaving her Slytherin-y past behind. It's wonderful to hear that that aspect of it sounds interesting!

Thanks again for such a sweet review- it made me really happy! It was so kind of you to leave one :)


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Review #29, by MissMoneypenny Banana Nut Muffins

23rd March 2013:
Wow!
Brilliant foreshadowing... I can't wait to see what Daphne's so worried about.
The story and its characters are developing really well, I can't wait to read more! However, I am now desperately hungry for some cake.
Obviously you're given a lot of free rein here, as the Greengrasses are minor characters and we know hardly anything about them. I can't wait to see what you do with that!
Brilliant story/chapter, please update soon!

Author's Response: Logged on to find this here and now I'm all happy :)
It's great to hear that everything's developing nicely- this is the first multi-chapter fic I've properly attempted so the pacing's quite a challenge for me!
Hehe the cake descriptions are some of my favourite bits to write :P
I think the free rein was what drew me to write about Daphne in the first place... I hope I've done her justice!
It makes me really happy that you're enjoying this! I'll update as soon as I can :)


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Review #30, by caoty Carrot Cake

11th December 2012:
Hey there, I'm from review tag.

So, Daphne. I'm not sure how much Daphne fic you've read, but I tend to read quite a bit, and it's very refreshing to see your non-impossibly-beautiful-ice-queen characterisation of her! She feels realistic and human, and that's great.

Theo also feels real, even though we haven't actually met him yet. It's really cool how you've introduced him; he's a kind of present absence, so that by the time he turns up in person to this fic, we're almost as familiar with him as Daphne is. Very clever.

The way you've incorporated the darker undertone of post-war guilt and politics into this is also very well done. It's not something you can shake off easily even as you move on and are known for fantastic carrot cake rather than being the heiress to a wealthy neutral Slytherin family, and you've clearly shown that.

I've got a minor nitpick for you:

Iím going to spend all evening mopping up, she reflected

With the domestic charms that Daphne uses throughout this chapter, this feels a tad bit incongruous, don't you think? :P

Anyway - well done, and good luck writing. This could turn out to be something great. :)

Author's Response: Hello there!

It's good to know that you like Daphne. I haven't actually read many stories about her, so it's great to hear that she sounds realistic from someone who has!
I'm really pleased you picked up on the thing about Theo too, because I quite consciously wanted to make his presence felt, even though he's not technically in this chapter.

Post-war guilt, and the war's effects on Daphne's generation, are (hopefully!) going to be quite a major part of this story, so I'm glad that there's some
suggestion of that already.
And thanks for pointing out that inconsistency! I'll go back and rephrase :P

Thankyou so much for the review! I really appreciate it! :)



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Review #31, by AlexFan Carrot Cake

7th December 2012:
That was interesting.

I quite like Daphne, she sounds very nice and motherly. She seems like someone who's always going to have a smile on their face and greet you warmly and make you feel better when you're having a bad day.

Good job on characterization. Astoria sounds interesting enough, the ending though made her even more interesting though, don't mind if I read onto the next chapter.

I think that your description of the Pink Hippogriff Cafe is great. I can really feel the hustle and bustle of the place and the warm feeling. I actually started smiling while reading this.

I actually want to visit the Pink Hippogriff Cafe now. Anyway, really well written chapter and good luck with the story!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Aww I'm glad you like Daphne! I do enjoy writing her, so it's great to hear that she seems likable! Glad I did Astoria justice too :P I hope you do read on!

Ahh it's great that the Pink Hippogriff came across well! I have such a clear picture of it in my head, it's good to know that other people like the idea too :)

Thankyou very much for taking the time to review!


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Review #32, by ChaosWednesday Carrot Cake

3rd December 2012:
Hey there, its Whiskey from the forums!

Gosh, this story made me want cake so much, I actually went out and got some at the all-night Turkish bakery around the corner! Something with stawbaries. So good.
haha anyways yay this story, I like it and have for ever connected it to the lush sweet goodness that is cake. amen.

Recently, my hpff reading habits have swayed away from Hogwarts, so I was happy to encounter yet another story about grown-up witches and wizards. I like Daphne already, she seems relatable yet confident and, like most war-kids, haunted by the darkness of trauma. This is something I've been missing in many stories and I was overjoyed to discover that you brought in the memories of the war in the very first chapter. You can't just ignore a world-shattering,high death-toll war in a character's recent histroy, after all.

Another thing many forget to do when writing outside of Hogwarts is magic. Office settings,bars, family life, travel, it all suddenly falls into a Muggle genre and the magic gets ignored. But you managed to integrate some spells from the very start. And then, the dramatic appearance of Astoria at the end firmly embedded this story in a HP tone. So great job on that and make sure to keep it up! Moving paintings, odd sentient objects, mysterious legends and quirky people are what made the HP books so addictive, in my opinion.

I also liked how you made sure to mention Theo offhandedly several times during the chapter,making his presence in the cafe undeniable although we never even met him. But, I wasn't too fond of how you decided to dive into a full out explanation of who he was to Daphne. It would have added to the tension if we only found out later that they were just friends. These sort of info-dumps can break the flow really easily. It's a matter of taste, of course, but I thought I'd point it out. Also,some awkward sentences ("but when their paths had crossed again it had been exactly as it had always been") and typos appear throughout the chapter, you might want to have a closer look.

Ok, bon apetit and good luck!

Author's Response: Hello!

Haha that sounds yummy! I'll have to write it into one of the later chapters :P

I'm so pleased that people have said they like Daphne- I'm rather attached to her myself, and it's great that that comes through. I've always thought that the war would be somewhat defining to that generation, and it's effect on Daphne has been greater than most- there's going to be a lot more on her pre-Pink-Hippogriff life in this.

Haha yes I totally agree about the importance of keeping the magic in post-Hogwarts stories. This review has been a good reminder to keep doing that actually!

I'm so glad Theo's introduction worked well! He didn't really seem to fit into this chapter, but I didn't want readers to feel like they'd a had a major character appearing on them two chapters in.
I see what you mean about fully explaining Daphne's and Theo's relationship... I was trying not to confuse readers, but I do see how that could be made into a kind of anticlimax... Maybe I'll look at that when I edit!
And thanks for pointing out flow/typos! It's always useful to know! Long, clunky sentences are my nemesis :P

Thankyou very much for such a kind and helpful review!



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Review #33, by MissMoneypenny Carrot Cake

29th November 2012:
Love it...can't wait for more :-)

Author's Response: That's great to hear! Thank you! I hope you keep reading :)

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Review #34, by teh tarik Carrot Cake

16th November 2012:
Hello! teh tarik here from the forums :)

Well, this is a great first chapter and I'm already quite in love with many aspects of your story. The first sentence is attention-grabbing and pulls the reader in immediately with its sense of action: Sunday afternoons were always busy in the Pink Hippogriff Cafť, and today was no exception: Daphne had been rushed off her feet all day, delivering cakes, brewing tea and collecting coins from her many customers. . This is a lovely and very skillful start, sets the pace nicely, and yet it contains some very nice descriptive details. Well done. This is not a very long chapter yet it reveals so much about characters and setting without sounding like it's trying too hard. The pacing is nice and easy, just the right amount of information is revealed and it all flows very nicely.

And there's also that hint of mystery / angst with these sentences:

Again, that flicker of unease. That uncomfortable little whisper in the back of her mind, that reminder- that warning... The small voice of doubt that crept into her mind while she slept, that resurfaced in the quiet moments of her daytimes.

You don't deserve this...


It's all done very well, and it provided a lovely (somewhat darker) contrast to the cheerful, bustling atmosphere of the rest of the story. I think you blend the genres of fluff/humour and angst; the balance in tone and mood is pretty good.

I love your characterisation of Daphne; it detracts nicely from the pureblood Slytherin cliches; she's very easy to relate to, and I love that she's "plump" and yet doesn't care! And this is a great contrast to her sister Astoria. Your description of her - Her clothes were thick and well-made, yet she gave the impression of insubstantiality - is great and there's that air of mystery to her. And can I mention how much I love the fact that Astoria's first words upon Apparating in the midst of a crowded cafe are: "I've done it, Daphne...left him!" This is a wonderful character introduction :D

OK, well, I'll be very interested to see how this story progresses :) It's fun and at the same time there's a slight mystery to it. Great work! Keep writing at it :D

-teh

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for dropping by!

I'm so glad you enjoyed the start! I was a little unsure about the first sentence, so it's great to hear that you thought it was okay. So pleased that I managed to introduce everything/one alright, and that it flowed well!

Haha yeah- there are definitely going to be some darker moments to this story, and I wanted to hint at that a bit from the start- I'm glad you picked up on it! One of the challenges I've found writing this has been the blending of genres so it's brilliant that you noticed that as well.

I'm getting very attached to Daphne as a character, and it's absolutely wonderful that you find her relatable! I think she's very determined herself to get away from the Slytherin cliches. And I'm glad you enjoyed Astoria's entrance- I think it sums up her character fairly well to be honest!

So happy that you enjoyed reading this! Your comments have been really useful and encouraging! I hope you continue reading! :)

-Bethany


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Review #35, by Leigh Kelley Carrot Cake

15th November 2012:
Hello (:.

So, to start off, I haven't read a story with Daphne before. She's one of those forgotten, minor characters, so major points to you for deciding to tackle her.

Now, because she's so minor, you're free to do whatever you like as far as characterization is concerned. She's a pureblood, we know, and therefore it's really easy to lump her with the lot and give her a similar personality. But you didn't, so another point for you. I love how she's so easy to relate to. She just seems like your average day-to-day woman, working for a living, and fortunate enough to be doing a job that she loves. Not only that, but she has an extra few pounds on, so this woman over here can definitely relate to her =P.

Also, I love your description. I love having a scene unfold right before my eyes. I myself struggle with description (tendency to forget to set the scene), whereas you don't. I think my mouth watered a little at the thought of carrot cake.

And shame on you for leaving us with a cliffhanger! Astoria's entrance may have been a bit too dramatic considering the setting, but I still enjoyed it. There may be some gossip about, seeing as she chose to Apparate into a crowded cafe with her trunk, and with the announcement that she's left him (so curious to know who this him is! draco? awr, please don't be draco, aha). I'm so anxious to read what happens next!

I loved everything about this first chapter. I love Daphne and the fact that she's a working gal. I love that she feels something for her friend, who may not feel the same way. I love the fact that she has a klutz for a waitress, and that everything's not so perfect. I love the way you write. I love this.

Going into my favourites.

~Leigh

Author's Response: Hey there, Leigh! Wow thank you for such a wonderful review!

Hehe I'm glad you like Daphne. I really enjoy writing minor characters for exactly that reason- there's so much more freedom with them. It makes me so happy that you can relate to her- I suppose that to some extent she is just your average working woman, although her Pureblood roots haven't left her totally behind. In fact, a lot of this story is going to be about her new, happy Pink-Hippogriff life versus her old Pureblood-y one.
And haha yes- I don't think she could work at a cafe like that with being a bit on the plump side! :P

So pleased that you enjoyed the description- I have such a clear picture of the cafe in my head that I was very anxious to get it across! I too am usually horrendous with description, so it's great that it came off well in this story.

Hmm yeah maybe it was a little melodramatic... Cliffhangers are a guilty pleasure for me and I wanted to do Astoria justice! (And it's okay, it's not Draco- I'm saving him for later chapters!)

It means so much that you've taken the time to leave such a kind and encouraging review- it makes me smile every time I read it. I'm so so glad that you've enjoyed this chapter, and that you've favourited and everything. I hope you'll continue reading!

-Bethany


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Review #36, by Siriusly89 Carrot Cake

15th November 2012:
Hey there :) Siriusly89 here with your requested review :P) I really like this story! Its so original and quirky! I love how you ended it on a cliffhanger! Who has Astoria left and why??? Questions that surely must be answered in the next chapter :P So when it is posted, you must simply tell me :) Simply must :) I shall favourite now :D 10/10 of course :)

Author's Response: Well hello!

Aww, I'm so pleased you enjoyed this chapter! Original and quirky was pretty much exactly what I was aiming for, so it makes me very happy to read that! About Astoria, you'll have to wait and see- I'm a sucker for cliffhangers ;)

Wow thank you very much for the favourite- I will definitely let you know when I update! :)

-Bethany


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Review #37, by Remus Carrot Cake

14th November 2012:
Heeey!! Perelandra here from the forums! :)

So I have to say...I never would've imagine Daphne working. She's always depicted to be this very arrogant girl who is daddy's little girl and gets everything she wants with just a simple "daddy, please!!" So it was definitely refreshing to see in the first paragraph a very different Daphne.

I like the description but it felt a little heavy and repetitious with the cake and pastries you know. Nothing big though. I'm craving tea now...so I think I'll make myself a cup now! Hahaha!

I really like the end though! The mystery! Who did Astoria leave? I'm guessing she was abused for leaving like that? Maybe? Totally guessing here! Hahaha! I hope it wasn't Draco though!

Anyway! Great beginning! I didn't see any grammatical problems at all, so great job!

Other than that, that's it!

Until next time,

--Rosie/Perelandra

Author's Response: Hey there Rosie! Thanks for stopping by!

I'm glad you like Daphne's character! I had a lot of fun coming up with her. I think there are a lot of stereotypes regarding Slytherins and I wanted to try and create and character who wasn't just a stock bad-guy (or woman in this case.) That said, Daphne has a lot of family/Slytherin/pureblood-ism issues in her past, and this story is sort of going to be about her finally escaping them...

Hmm, thank you for the point about the description- I'll go back and have a read through... I have such a clear picture of the cafe in my head that I may well have got a bit carried away with it!

Hehe so pleased you liked the ending! Fraid you'll have to wait and see with Astoria- it wasn't Draco though, no. I'm saving him up!

Thank you so much for taking the time to review! This was really helpful!

-Bethany


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