I'm here!! I'm sorry this took me way longer than normal to get to! Espeically because this was so lovely.
You can really feel all of the emotions as she goes through explaining things to her mother. You can tell this is - sadly - normal for her and it breaks your heart in such a real way that already I want to cheer for Sera.
'Little did I know' is one of my favorite set-up lines ever in stories. It just ended this wonderful prologue so perfectly.
Keep up the lovely work! You already know I loved this and I can't wait to read more :)
-JulieAuthor's Response: No worries, dear ^^ I'm just glad you made it!
Yeah, it was quite an emotional prologue, but I'm glad you liked it (:
Haha, yeah, it fit quite well there, didn't it?
Next chapter is in the queue, so it shouldn't be long (: Thanks once again, hun ♥ Report Review
This is an intriguing start, it's short and leaves some questions floating around and the last line "But little did I know" it all just makes you want to read on!
The emotion is amazing and it is potrayed beautifully, you really feel for not only Sera but for her mam too, it must be so hard to have to look after your mam when your still only a child yourself!
A great start and a great piece of writing 10/10 :)Author's Response: Aww, thanks ^^ I'm glad you liked it and wanted to read forwards!
Thank you for such a lovely review! Report Review
Pass the parcel~
I really enjoyed this prologue! It had such a unique plot in this opening chapter that I have not seen before - and it was written so fantastically. I found Sera's mum's situation really intriguing, though her condition just made me so sad. But it's something really interesting to read about because I haven't seen it before. The way you wrote this was really well done - it really made me feel for Sera, especially when her mother could not tell who she was, and what she thought was fact was not true.
The characterisation of Sera is established really well - she's such a caring daughter, and the love she feels for her mum was conveyed really well. Jonathan was a great character too and he seems really nice. It'll be interesting to see where you take this next - it was definitely an engaging and thought-provoking prologue, which is what a prologue should be like. Really nicely written! :)
- CharlotteAuthor's Response: Aww thanks ^^
I'm glad that you found it interesting! First chapters are always the hardest!
It's nice to hear that you liked all that (even if it made you feel sad but that was kind of the point d: )
I'm glad you liked my characters too and everything else. Hopefully you'll get the chance to read more once I update this (:
Thank you for your lovely review ^^ Report Review
Hello, darling! Here with your review!
This is an amazing, amazing first chapter (or prologue, right?) and you’ve truly started it in an original interesting way.
CC... you asked for it ;). Though I only have one thing because this is beautifully written.
She is watching her mother deteriorate slowly. Well, fairly rapidly, actually. She is having to remind her of who she is.
This young girl has to say, ‘I’m your daughter,’ to her only living parent. You do an exquisite job at making me feel so sad for her, but I would have liked a bit more frustration. She’s just spent two months dealing with this. I’m not sure if you’ve ever had a family member that has deteriorated due to Alzheimer's, and if you have I think you’ll get what I’m going to say next. Frustration. No matter how much she loves her mother, how patient she’s trying to be, I really do think a little more frustration needs to come through. She’s leaving for her seventh year of Hogwarts and her mother is arguing with her thinking she’s the nanny. That would be the most heartbreaking part I think, not being recognized, and despite Jonathan's hand clearly trying to calm her I think she would snap for just a second.
“No, maman! It’s me, it’s Sera. You remember...” She’s angry and hurt and even more hurt for being angry, but she’s still begging her mother to remember. And then Jonathan kind of pulls her back.
That’s completely a suggestion, and this first chapter is still amazing. Like I said, I just think more frustration needed to come through.
Your descriptions are so heartbreakingly wonderful. I feel like I’m looking up into Maman’s eyes with Sera, seeing their clouded confusion.
I also love that you aren't giving us very much information in this. People sometimes try and fit way too much back story into the very first chapter and it gets exhausting. So yes, while this was short, it left such a strong impact that makes a reader just need to go on.
I hope this as helpful!
Please feel free to re-request!Author's Response: Hi, so glad you could make it ^^
It's something between a chapter and a prologue d: It's sort of separate, even though the first chapter takes of a day after that. But I'm glad you liked it (:
Yes! CC is exactly what I want! Can't get better without it, can I? (;
Aah yes, I know what you mean. And if Sera's mother was suffering from Alzheimer's, she probably would've acted that way. But she isn't and there is a reason for why she forced herself to stay calm. It'll all be explained later so hopefully it'll make sense then (:
Really? I think they're always my weakest point, the descriptions. So I'm very, very happy to hear they're working for you!
Haha, yes. I'm glad you liked that, because it'll continue that way. I'll keep dropping bits and pieces along the way to keep up the interest d:
But thank you so much for your lovely review! It most definitely was helpful! And I'll definitely re-request once the next chapter is out! ^^ Report Review
This was a really good start to the story, even if it was a little short :) You asked about general things - characterisation, grammar and spelling, reader interest and all that good stuff, and I think it's safe to say that you really have captured my interest. I can't wait to see what the next chapter holds, and where the Marauders come in, and all about Sera and what happened with her mother. Your grammar and spelling is actually really good for someone who claims English wasn't their first language, but I did spot two things:
a small frown appeared on her forehead - normally, this would make sense, but in context, if you take in the sentences before and after this one, I think it would be better if it was read as a small frown appearing on her forehead.
You don't have to worry a thing - it's 'about a thing', love, not just 'a thing' ;) Just thought that you ought to know.
Anyway, other than the above two little things, this was a really nice read. Your characters seem very real and interesting, and I seriously can't wait to see what the next chapter holds. Thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request, and good luck with the rest of the story! If it turns out as good - if not better - than this first chapter, than it's bound to be brilliant :D
--LinnAuthor's Response: Yeah, it's quite short, but it's only the prologue, showing what her home life is like. The next chapters will be longer (:
I'm glad that you found it interesting. First chapters are always the hardest!
Haha, thanks ^^ I'm actually Finnish, and I don't even speak English more than maybe once a month? (plus what I write here of course)
Thanks for pointing those two out! The second one I already knew, the 'about' just seemes to gone missing (x
Thank you so much for such a lovely review! I'll be sure to re-request once the next chapter is out (: Report Review
Oh yay, another WIP i need to keep up with! :p
This was really good butalso really sad. I got really emotional when her mother didn't recognize her after only a few minutes :( I'm excited to see who she hangs out with at school and more of her personality because some people (me) are totally different when they're with their family opposed to their friends :p
I cant wait to read more of this and please update soon(:
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Aww, thanks for dropping by ^^
I'm glad you liked it! This will be a lot sadder that 'TntLY' so hopefully you'll enjoy the rest of it too!
I will. Immediately after 'TntLY'. I have the next two chapter written already, so it shouldn't take long.
Thank you for reading and reviewing ^^ Report Review
IM SO SURPRISED!
im just looking through the stories. i see this new story. i look at the author. i see its you, and my eyes become like this: O_O
i love it so much though!
sera's mum D;
i feel so sad that she has alzeihemers (is that what its called? i cant remember) that must be SO hard to deal with.
im excited for this new story of yours! lol
so far, even if we dont know much, i already love it because i know that you're such an amazing author.
i cant wait for the next updates! (:Author's Response: Aww, thanks ^^ you guys really make my day with these awesome reviews!
Oh, she doesn't have alzheimer's, even though I can easily see why you made that assumption. You'll learn more about her condition in the next chapters (:
Thank you so much! I'll update this right after TntLY, I have already written the next two chapters, so it won't be a long wait (: Report Review
WHY DID I NOT GET FIRST? I'VE BEEN CHECKING YOUR PAGE CONSISTANTLY SINCE YOU PUT IT IN THE QUEUE, AND I STILL MISSED FIRST. *sobs over the brilliance of Hanna's writing*
I just have a lot of feelings about this. Largely because I know what happens next, but also because you're one of the best authors on this site.
I just... Gah. Everything is perfect and I'm going to go ruthlessly edit my story now and hope it's as good as yours. :/Author's Response: Haha, this was updated about 30 minutes after you went offline yesterday d:
Aww, you really are too kind and an awful liar (x your story tops mine any day!
But I'm super happy that you liked it and can never thank you enough for everything ♥ Report Review
Looking forward to this story already! I enjoy a good Sirius/OC and loved your other stories so hope that this one is as good as those. Keep writing! (;Author's Response: Aww, that's nice to hear ^^ hopefully this will live up to your expectations d:
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
This was an awesome start to whatever you have in store for us. It had a haunting feel to it, not least because the ghosts of happier times seemed to follow poor Sera throughout the scene. I feel her pain, watching her mother slowly slip away. It's tragic, both from the standpoint of losing someone she loves very much as well as losing a part of her childhood while she takes care of her mother. In her own mind, she's already past her final year of Hogwarts and the Healer Academy, keeping vigil as her mother succumbs to the inevitable.
I really can't wait to see what sort of story you have here. I suppose it goes without saying that this one won't be anywhere near as light-hearted as TNtLY. My mind is filled with questions that I'm looking forward to finding out the answers to:
* Sera indicates that she doesn't really need the profession of being a healer, but it's required to be able to be her mother's sole caregiver. She also mentions that Jonathan is employed taking care of her mother. This makes me think that her family is not without means. I'm intrigued to learn more of their back story.
* If she's already adept at healing spells and potions and she's planning to attend the Healing Academy, she probably excels in school. I bet she's a member of the Slug Club. Wonder whether she and Lily are friends?
* She strikes me as the type of kid who probably isolates herself from her fellow students. Her troubles have aged her beyond her years and the others probably seem very silly and immature to her. I sense a girl who is ripe for a dose of Sirius Black's devil-may-care hijinks. I can already hear Billy Joel's You May Be Right playing inside my head.
Am I right about any/all of the above? Well, you're clearly not going to tell me, so I guess I'll have to wait and see. This story is now one more thing that Elenia holds over my head to torment me!Author's Response: Hello ^^
I'm so glad that you liked it! First chapters are always the hardest!
Yeah, she's really had to grow a lot in a very short period of time, that should be one of the things that shows in her character when the story develops further. Loyalty is another thing. Everything else I'll let you find out yourself d:
Hmm, yes. Not nearly as light-hearted as TntLY - although there will be some of that side too. But this one is /a lot/ sadder.
You'll get more back story soon. Not immediately of course, but I'll drop it in little pieces for you to pick up d:
That you'll find out in the first chapter, so you don't have to wait long!
Yeah, she is, sort of. But she does have her friends who understand her so she's not a complete loner. Oh, and that song is just perfect! The lyrics fit so well ^^
You're close, I can tell you that much d:
Thank you for such a lovely review once again and all your support ♥ means the world to me!
I noticed you literally JUST uploaded this. But really, from what I can tell. I'm going to LOVE this story...Author's Response: Aww, thanks ^^ I hope you will like the rest of the story as well!
Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
This is amazing! I just want to jump into the next chapter! I think Sera is super sweet and I feel terrible for her. She has a lot to deal with, poor thing. I love how comforting Jonothan is! I hope he appears again in the story sometime. I feel like this will be sad, but I love your characters and I really can't wait to continue reading :)Author's Response: Yey! First reviewer ♥
Thank you! I'm glad that you liked it! The next chapter is actually ready, but I'm going to update my other WIP first (: but the wait won't be long!
Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
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