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32 Reviews Found

Review #26, by ValWitch21 Chapter III.

31st October 2012:
This is an excellent story - I think you've managed to portray bullying perfectly, not too stereotyped, not too agressive. It's really spot on, and I'm admirative of what you've managed to do here.

xx

Author's Response: Hello there! :D

I'm glad you like my story, it's really just what I've gone through and what I've witnessed myself, so that's probably why it seems realistic, it has actually happened to people!

Thanks for the review! :)


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Review #27, by house elf Chapter III.

30th October 2012:
Yaay an update! This story is awesome. Clara's so nice and definitely doesn't deserve that treatment. I'm proud of her for standing up for herself, but someone should tell her violence is not the answer xD

But anyways, James is really sweet for giving her his matress and ruffling her hair and just generally being James... and he should totttally realise his feelings for Clara soon.
(sorrry. I'm trying to push back these shipping feels but it's practically impossible ;))

Also, I liked their little chat about bullying. There was a lot of truth in it :)

So, yeah. Update soon! (:

Author's Response: Hello there! I'm glad you like my story! :D

Clara doesn't deserve this treatment, but people are mean. :/

ahaha, you'll see in the next chapter of what the repurcussions of what Clara did. (Hint: I know violence is not the answer.) ;)

James is sweet BUT DON'T SHIP THEM! IT'S A STRICTLY NON-ROMANTIC THING! STOP SHIPPING! NO FEELINGS WHATSOEVER I AM FORCING MYSELF NOT TO SHIP THEM I CAN'T HAVE READERS SHIP THEM! :p

Push them down, hun! Push them DEEP DOWN! :p

I'm glad you liked the little chat about bullying. Some people just don't understand what it's like. :/

Update will hopefully be soon, I'm not making any promises though (eugh school). :(

Anyway, thanks for reviewing! :D


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Review #28, by manno_malfoy Chapter II.

29th October 2012:
Hello! I'm here with your requested and I dearly apologise for the delay. I also find it necessary to apologise for the confusion regarding story length the previous time; I should've been more diligent.

First of all, I'm happy you've fleshed out Clara this chapter. We saw how she reacted to crisis this time and how she tried to be civil with her tormentors and tried to sort out the dilemma even before her group of friends tagged along. It shows that she has the makings of a strong character and that she truly has a chance at becoming even stronger.

Now, speaking of that group of friends Clara has made. I wish you had told us how long after the previous chapter is that first scene of the chapter or told us of what happened to make Clara earn such loyal friends. I mean, I can guess that James had introduced them to her or vice-versa but what has happened to make them support her so heatedly? To make Fred and Dom go pale at showing Mcgonagall the photo in the paper and so on?

Flow was quite alright. I didn't feel that anything jerked me out of the chapter or anything as such. As for description, I felt that it was better in the second part than the first. And, personally, I believe that including descriptions when opening helps hook the reader because it paces them into the character's thoughts and how they view what is happening around them. But that's just a personal preference. Even if I, too, am guilty of disregarding details and imagery sometimes when I'm writing. :)

I liked the dialogue, and thought that you really brought out your characters through it, especially Dom and Fred. Dialogue has added so much to their characterisation and made each of them special. I also liked the way you've portrayed McGonagall and I didn't feel that she was out of place. I also liked how she seemed to sympathise with Clara and wanted her to stand up to her bullies.

I enjoyed the chapter and I'm very happy you've re-requested. Good luck with the next chapter (is there another?)! :D

-Manno

Author's Response: Hello there! It's okay for the delay, you're doing me a favour, so I don't mind how long it takes. :)

Yes, Clara tried to er... take it head on this time? I tried to incorporate your advice from your last review, I'm glad that it worked. :)

It's about a few weeks after the first chapter so that's why they seemed a bit more friendly-ish/colloquial. I dunno, I just picture all those characters to be very nice and accepting of others, I'll try and fix that soon-ish. Thanks for pointing that out! :D

Description, ugh. I'm horrible at that. I'll have another read of it and add some in. I'll focus on the first half though. :p Thanks for the tips! :D

I'm glad to hear McGonagall wasn't too out of place, I think I took several days on writing her! :p

There's another two chapters, and hopefully you won't mind me re-requesting? :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to review this, all your advice is really appreciated. :D ♥


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Review #29, by PhoenixPulse Chapter II.

20th October 2012:
Okay, so I had no clue there was going to be a second chapter to this until today when I saw it on my "favorite stories list". I was very pleased. :)

I can't believe those girls had the guts to do that to Clara. Clara is so sweet, and she doesn't deserve any of it. And they really are bitches! They remind me of the many cliched snobs at high school who pretend that their shit doesn't stink. (Pardon the unecessary language)

I love how Dom, Freddie, and James are so protective of her. It makes me smile how they're stepping up to make Hogwarts a better place, even for just one person at the moment. It's really a sweet thing to read.

And the small detail about the portraits. I loved it. Of course Albus would be smiling admiringly, and Snape would be scoffing about. And James wanting to know about his grandfather. Very cute indeed!

And I love how Clara stands up for herself towards the end. I fist pumped at that. I have a feeling that the Potter-Weasley clan are going to strengthen Clara as the story progresses, and I can't wait to read more of that.

Love your stuff as always,

Pearl

Author's Response: Someone else thought it was a one-shot, but it's a short story! There's another two chapters to go! :p

Maybe I should have made it a bit clearer...

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it! I think the Weasleys/Potters would have been good people and wouldn't stand for that type of bullying, so I thought I'd put it in there. ;)

The girls, ugh. They're so mean and yuck. But they got what they deserved. Muahahahahaha!

We always see the portraits talking in the actual series, so I think that they would often talk to the students. :p

It is good that Clara stands up for herself, isn't it? It's such a good feeling actually doing it and writing it! :D

Psst... you aren't meant to swear in a review. They're meant to be all 12+, otherwise all my reviews would have bajillions of swear words in them. :p

I'm glad you liked my stuff, the updates on this should be fairly quick because I have it all written out! :D

Thanks for leaving me another lovely review! :D


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Review #30, by manno_malfoy Chapter I.

8th October 2012:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review!

I think you have a great story here and what helps is that there weren't technical mistakes to distract me from the context and from the message you're trying to send.

I really like what you've done here because I feel that everything here was straightforward! I don't think you can get to the root of a problem as destructive as bullying in a one-shot - people write whole novels on that. Nonetheless, I think you've given us a good glimpse at what it could be like.

At some points, I felt that your character may have been a little oversensitive. She's a Seventh Year yet a little comment at class managed to get her onto the verge of tears? It seemed a bit weird to me. Yet, I understand the part that sent her running down the hall. You'd think after being told the same thing for seven years and being insulted over and over again the same way you'd grow numb to it, but I do believe it hurts every time. I also think that a person can be very insecure during their last year at school because after that, they're going to be thrown into the real world and they may feel under-prepared. So I really understood that part and liked it. I think you can add a lot more emotion to this story though through description of what it feels like, what it is that leads her to believe her bullies or if she believes them at all, how she used to deal with it when she was younger and if it has gotten worse as she grew up and so on. That's only my opinion though.

What I admired even more was how there wasn't really a happy ending here. Something like bullying doesn't stop overnight. Nonetheless, on the brighter side of things, you've had the victim Clara teach one of her bullies a lesson, and maybe without really noticing it. I doubt that after seeing Clara's outburst over being bullied James would have it within him to bully someone again. Unless he's heartless or something, and I don't think he is. No heartless person would go along with Dom's intervention if they weren't hoping to be better people.

As for dialogue... I had one problem with the conversation in the kitchen though. I felt that James repeated the d-word (I'm not sure if we can mention it in reviews) way too many times, like he didn't know any other way to put it. And at some point, it bugged me a little. This totally is a personal preference thing and I thought I'd point it out.

I think this is a really good story and that it has delivered this important message well. Well done and good luck with the challenge! And thank you for requesting; I hope I was helpful! :)

-Manno

Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for taking the time to review this! :)
I'm glad there weren't any technical mistakes! :D
Er... I don't know if you're implying that this is a one-shot but it's actually a short story so there will be more! :p Sorry for any confusion!
But I'm glad to hear that I gave a good outlook! :D
I understand that you think she may be oversensitive but imagine every day you get picked on, people give you horrible looks, mean rumours etc., you tend to take a lot of things to heart. And especially when you do something wrong which can cause even more bullying. Most people who are bullied have a bad self-esteem and they take everything to heart so that's what I was trying to reflect on. It seemed strange when I re-read it but I know when I was picked on, that's what I felt like. Unless that was just me?
Anyway, I understand that you think it's oversensitive but that's kind of Clara's nature. Yeah, some people don't become numb (like Clara) and it hurts them so very much.
I will be adding a lot more details in the next few chapters but thank you for pointing that out! It's a very good opinion, thank you! :)
Bullying never stops overnight (sadly) and I'm kind of glad (?) that it doesn't have a happy ending because the story isn't over yet! ;)
No, James isn't heartless - he just had a superiority problem! ;)
Okay, I hear (well... see) you about the dialogue! I'll change that and thanks for pointing that out! :)
Thank you so much for taking the time to review this and you were really helpful, thank you so much! :D


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Review #31, by PhoenixPulse Chapter I.

6th October 2012:
I need a tissue. Do ya' have one? *sniffles*

Okay, this was by far awesome in words I cannot lace together. I loved how you touched the subject of bullying. I feel as if people don't enforce the subject enough. Well they do, but they don't express what it's really like.

Being bullied myself, I can feel exactly what Clara is feeling. I've been called stupid. I've had my step-dad tell me I was a bitch and I should go ahead and pull the trigger. I've had people laugh at me because I'm horrified at presenting in front of the class. I've been mocked for being Asian. (Dear Merlin, my teacher screamed at me because of my race!) And it hurts. A lot. It's a very sensitive subject, and it's why I love this.

I swear, you have your way with words. You can make your readers laugh, but you can also make them cry like a wimp (like me, heheh). You truly have a knack of being able to portray balance in your work, of both happy and caarefree, as well as serious and raw.

I find a lot of myself in your writing, if that's not strange to admitt. I really do. I guess I can say you do a great job in pulling out the more deeper parts of me that make me who I am today.


With much admiration and love,

Pearl

Author's Response: I'M SORRY FOR MAKING YOU CRY! *hands you a tissue*
I'm just going to let you know that I flail like a fish out of water every time you review! ♥
I totally understand what you mean, heaps of people don't express what it's actually like.
I've been bullied as well and I just put all my anger/sadness/feelings into this story. It actually came about because my best friends boyfriend was bullying me. I was bullied for every single school year (except last year) and I would come home bawling every day.
I can't believe your step-dad said that to you! That's absolutely disgusting and don't you DARE believe him!
I can't believe people laugh at you because you don't like presenting in front of people, so many people are like that! I hate people sometimes, they're just so cruel.
OH MY GOD, ARE YOU ASIAN?! I love Asians! I'm in the 'Asian group' of my school (even though I'm half Greek and half Italian) so now you've just become one thousand times awesomer! :p
I can't believe your teacher screamed at you because of your race - I've seen one teacher do that and she got a TON of complaints about it, she still works at the school but people monitor her closely now!
I'm so happy that I make you laugh (and cry but I feel mean saying that) and I'm so glad that you think I have a good balance! :)
Me and you must be very similar, as a lot of my writing is kind of based off me... I don't know whether that makes sense... Anyway, it isn't strange to admit that - I think everyone has that one author to which they really relate to! :)
Thank you SO much for leaving me this AMAZING review - you don't understand how much I love you (in a non-creepy way of course)!
THANKS SOOO MUCH! :D


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Review #32, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Chapter I.

5th October 2012:
TAG! :D

YES!! FIRST REVIEW! :D

Wow, this was a very intense and emotional first chapter! I wanted to cry with Clara when those bullies were picking on her... (and I also wanted to hex them into high heaven). :P Really, they were SO mean!

I think you did an excellent job describing what it feels like to be bullied. It was very true-to-life, very realistic, so kudos for helping the reader to feel what Clara feels. I also really loved that you made James un-cliche. Even though he HAS picked on people, he wants to make things right now (thanks to Dom's intervention) and I really, REALLY love that! :D

I didn't notice any grammar issues, either, so great job on that, too! I did notice one tiny little spelling issue, but it's SO small that I'm positive it was just a typo. The second time you mentioned Clara's name (about halfway down when James is reading out his paper to her), it's spelled "Carla". It's really no big deal though, and it doesn't make the story hard to read or anything! I just wanted to let you know, in case you didn't already! :D

Really, really great job, dear! 10/10!

Author's Response: YAY FIRST REVIEW! :D
Ugh I know, they were HORRIBLE! I hate writing them but I like it because I've been bullied and as I sit at the computer tapping away I think, "Muhahahaha I'm going to base an evil character on you! Muhahahahaha!" :p
I'm so glad to hear that I made James un-cliche! Oh I was so worried about that!
OH MY GOSH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POINTING THAT OUT! I did that on a request form over at tda as well - thank goodness you pointed it out when you did! I'm going to go fix that ASAP!
Thank you so much for this lovely review - I really appreciate it! :D


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