WOHOO! HAPPY ENDINGS ARE THE BEST :D
I your face Smith! IN YOUR FACE! Ha! Clara just basically delivered the speech of all speeches! That is the speech I shall use if I ever need to confront anyone ever again! Because it had just the right amount of 'fudge' in it, as well as the indepth feel! My feels are all over the place after this story! I also love how James and Clara didn't get together straight away at the end! They are still friends, but there is also some chemistry, and some potential there for them to get together in the future!
I loved this story so much :D Go you! :DAuthor's Response: I ALWAYS LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS, THEY'RE JUST SO PERFECT! :'D
That's the speech I use in the shower when I'm thinking of talking to my bullies. :p I finally had a chance to use it ahahaha. :p
You're welcome to take it though, anything to show those nasty people! :D
STOP SHIPPING JAMES/CLARA. I intended this story to have NO shipping whatsoever (because I do it in nearly every single other fic I write) but people keep telling me to put them together and that isn't what it's meant to be! D:
Ah well, people can have their head-canons ahaha. :p
Thank you for another amazing review, they really put a smile on my face! :D
And thanks again for the first place, I'm eternally grateful! :D Report Review
GO CLARA! You show that little creeper what your made of! Ha!
The sleepover was so cute! I can't believe that people are saying that James and Clara slept together! Honestly! The gossip circles are horrendous! And the worst part is that everyone gets sucked in! Gossip in infectious, even I myself am prone to gossiping! But all the damage it does! It makes me want to cry and scream and hug Clara and be her bestie to shove it in all those horrible little peoples faces! Growl! I am now pumped with adrenaline! Let me at 'em! I'll tear them to shreds! Or write them a very strongly worded letter! Either or :PAuthor's Response: Gossip is gossip. People will believe ANYTHING. I haven't personally been a victim (I think - maybe I have and I haven't realised) but I know about other things that are so NOT true that it's laughable.
And you have to remember, Hogwarts is a school with teenagers so gossip is all over the place ahaha. :p
I think everyone's prone to gossiping though, you just can't NOT gossip ahaha. :p
It does do damage and this is going to sound horrible, but I love your emotions towards my characters! That's exactly what I was aiming for! :D
I love the 'tear them to shreds! Or write them a very strongly worded letter!' - that made me laugh! :D
Thanks for another fantabulous review and the first place, I'm very grateful. :D Report Review
Poor Clara! I feel so bad for her! So much for the Hufflepuff's being the nice ones! What I really don't get it why the whole house is against her? What did she do that was so awful as to get the entire house after her? And that Imogen one, I was to clock her round the head with something! So mean!
I have officially forgiven Jamesie :) Because he is being such a sweetheart and standing up for Clara :)
On to the next chappie :)Author's Response: I know, it's sad. :( I felt bad for making everyone hate her but I had to. :(
Most people hate her because other people hate her, they're honestly just like sheep - following the crowd. And their thoughts would be that no one wants to be seen being nice to the loner because then they'd get bullied. She didn't DO anything per se, but because other people were mean to her, the rest of the house just followed.
Yes, James is a sweetheart. And he understands now that people should stand up for others. :D
Thanks for another LOVELY review and the first place! :D Report Review
Awh! This story hit me where it hurts! I think just about everyone has been bullied, or bullied someone and all of the feelings Clara described brought a lot of old memories flooding back. . . . .I hate bullying with a vengance! And I am sorry, I don't care who he is, James Potter cannot just saunter on up to everyone he has been mean to in his life and just expect to be friends! Clara really is too nice for her own good!
On to the next chapterino :)Author's Response: Hello again!
I think nearly every single person in the world has been bullied, sadly it's human nature. :( I've been bullied (and quite badly as well) so all the feelings Clara described were just my feelings, really.
And it pains me that so many people have related to it! Bullying shouldn't be so prominent in societies.
Oh James, he's a sweetheart, really, he just didn't understand that it hurt people's feelings. He just did it for a laugh, not realising how much words could affect people. And Clara is too nice, but she's also a bit scared. I don't think I portrayed it well but I tried to make her a bit scared of saying 'no' to him.
Anyway, thanks for the review and the first place! :D Report Review
Hello! I really liked this story and all the characters in it. You right really well :) I would have liked to have seen an epilogue, just to see where all the characters are in the future and if Clara has grown a lot stronger, but I think you still finished it well :) I was just wondering who the guy was in the chapter image of James in chapter 2 because he looks a lot like the James I imagined. Thanks and good job!Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! I also like that you think I write really well! :D
I was going to write an epilogue but I didn't have any ideas. :p But I'm glad that you thought I finished it well. :D
The guy who I've chosen as James is Francisco Lachowski. He's a Brazilian model and just utterly delicious. :p If you go on Google, your breath will be taken away because of his beauty! ahahaha
Anyway, thanks for the lovely review! ♥ Report Review
Thanks for this story. I really enjoyed it :)Author's Response: I'm glad, I really enjoyed writing it. :)
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
Well I'm glad that this story was posted and isn't still sitting on your computer because we at HPFF would have missed out on a really great story!
Before I begin I just want to say that I read your response to my review on chapter 3 and thankyou for replying so soon. I'm really glad that you liked my review! Also, I know you said that you would rather me read this instead of two chapters of your other story but seriously, this chapter was an extra and I would still love to R&R the other story as well!
Now onto your review...
This chapter did not disappoint at all, it was just as good as the previous :) It was such a good ending to an amazing story (and I'm not exaggerating)!
Firstly, I loved (I really need to find a better word to use!) the start of this, how Clara didn't back down and kept fighting and how that guy ran away, priceless *evil chuckle*
And am I stupid or something... I can't believe that I didn't realise that Clara was Oliver Wood's son until his wife, Katie!!, said 'Oliver'. Wow silly me! I also love how you included other characters children from the books that are more minor, Zacharias Smith, Tina Jordan (would I be right in saying that's Lee Jordan's daughter???) and Davies were the ones I noticed. I can't believe I only just noticed this now!
I also adore your characterisation of McGonagall. You wrote her just like JK wrote McGonagall in HP which is incredible! I love her sterness but also her soft spot for Clara. And I love how Dom calls her 'Minnie'!
Lastly, the characterisation of Smith's mum and dad was great. I can't believe that Smith's dad was so cruel to Clara and just didn't seem to care about what his son had done. He makes me so angry. Although I love how you made the mum just so nice and apologetic.
I'm really sad that this is the last chapter, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story and reviewing. You are such a talented writer and I hope you continue to write some amazing stories because I shall keep reviewing them (no promises RL might butt it's head into my FF life again)! This was such a perfect ending to Clara's story and I hope she never gets bullied again! Thankyou for providing such an entertaining read, YOU ROCK!!!
1000/10 I loved this so much :D
~HT/PWGAuthor's Response: Aww thank you! :D
An extra review?! I'm actually so happy! :D All of your reviews have made me smile SO much, thank you! :D
I'm actually so glad you love it, it's just great to hear! :D
Don't worry, not many people picked up on that either! Yes, I tried to include minor characters from the books (yes, Tina is Lee's daughter ;)) just because the Golden Trio weren't the only kids there! :p
Really?! My McGonagall seems canon?!?!?! Your comment about me writing her just like JK has made me happy and made me to a strange "SQUEEE!" noise! :p
Oh my golly gosh, thank you for this amazing review! I wanted to post in 'Reviews that made you smile' topic in the forums but I was the last one to post and I don't want to double-post! :p
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!
MERRY CHRISTMAS! :D Report Review
Hey it's me again, sorry about it has taken so long, Real Life is so rude sometimes!
Wow, this gets better and better every time I read a new chapter. It's so fantastic! I know I still owe you 2 reviews on another of your stories, but I think I will review your last chapter of Fun Times as an extra because it is so good :)!
I loved everything about this chapter! The owl names, Musca and Alpha, so adorable and creative, the letter to Clara's dad and the fact that he cares so much about her and the conversation between Clara and Tina is just so natural. I also love how you added the bit about Tina's fear of owls, making her a more realistic character, everyone has fears, right?!
I also really love this quote, "Even though we're Gryffindors, we're not actually lions," she teased. In fact, there were many other witty quotes in this chapter that I just love! For a story on such a serious topic, it has the best humor :)
I also love the little arguements and the friendly teasing between the group, especially Dom's eating thing and Fred sounds like Raj from 'The Big Bang Theory' with his talking to girls problem!
Last but not least, I adore your last line! I was just like "You go girl!!!" and I'm so happy for Clara that she finally stood up for herself :) yay!
Overall, I love your writing style it's just so perfect with absolutely near to zero faults. This was probably one of the best chapters yet and I can't wait to keep reading :D
~HT/PWGAuthor's Response: Hi again! Don't worry about taking a long time, I understand RL can butt its ugly head in our FF lives. ;)
I'm so glad you liked it, and I'll be really glad if you could review the fourth chapter of this and one review on my other story! I'd love some feedback on the last chapter! :D
Musca and Alpha actually mean something; I just can't remember what! :p I think one meant night and the other flight? Or darkness? I can't remember, sorry! :p
Everyone has a fear and I wanted to portray it in this story, not everyone is strong and perfect. :)
I'm glad you like my humour, so many people tell me in RL that my humour is lame and dry! :p
IT WAS FROM THE BIG BANG THEORY!! :D I think you're the first person that got it! EEE!!! I'm so happy someone finally figured it out! :D
I'm actually so glad you love this story, it makes me so happy to read all your reviews! :D
AND THE RATING IWEGFKDBKH I ALWAYS DO THAT TO PEOPLE I NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET ONE IN RETURN EGUHFVHUKDFVGKDHBGSKDJ LET ME LOVE YOU! ♥
Thank you so much for this review, this has completely made my day! :D :D Report Review
Hello Lovely! :D
*sighs* Where to begin, where to begin? First off, I want to start with the Smiths...like father like son...I can't believe Smith's father is so...arrogant! But I can't hate on the mother. I love Smith's mother. She seems to be the heart and sense of the family, I see.
And I love the Wood family! I think you characterized Oliver as a dad pretty well and Katie...does that mean he married Katie Bell, or is she a different Katie? Just wondering. :)
Oliver is such a great dad! If only my dad was as cool as him...
And Clara! The poor darling, I just want to run up to her and hug her! She did a great job sticking up for herself, and that Smith boy really had that slap going for him! The damn...turkey! (because that's the cleanest insult I can come up with for this review). I hate that boy so much!
Lovely chapter as always, hun! And I bid you a very cheery holidays! :DAuthor's Response: DID YOU NOT MAKE THE CONNECTION?!
Maybe I should have made it clearer... :/
IT'S ZACHARIAS SMITH! THAT'S HIS FATHER! :D THAT'S WHY HE'S ARROGANT YAY! :D
I was originally going to make the mother evil but I couldn't have two evil parents... :p
I'm so glad that Oliver was portrayed well! I was like, "NO I DON'T WANT TO WRITE YOU BECAUSE I'LL SCREW YOU UP!" :p
Yes, it means he married Katie Bell, I really adore the two of them together. :'D
Oliver is amazing, I based him off parts of my dad, because when I was getting bullied he kinda acts like that (but with a LOT more swear words - every second word is the f-word! :p) and the rest I just took the good bits of all the other fathers I know. :p
I'm going to answer a bit from your next review, about the end.
I'm glad it seemed a perfect way to end, I was really unsure of it. :p
Thanks for the review! :D
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D Report Review
That was a really nice ending :) This is a story I know I'll reread to put a smile on my face and restore my faith in humanity, heh ♥Author's Response: Thank you! :D
I'm glad you liked the ending, I thought it might be a little TOO cheesy! :p
Thanks for the review! :D
HAPPY HOLIDAYS! :D Report Review
I love this story so muchAuthor's Response: Thanks! :D Report Review
HELL YES!!! Omg this story is AMAZING! It actually talks about something worthwhile, not 'oh no I'm in love with...blah...blah...blah.' Please can you write more? AND SOON! Hehe, sorry I'm rather impatient ^.^Author's Response: awww thank you! :D
The next chapter is about half-written! I'll try and get it out as soon as possible but I'm currently SUPER busy and shouldn't even be on this right now!
I'll post the chapter as soon as I've written it though! :D
Thanks for the review, and don't worry, all of us here are impatient! ;) Report Review
Hey its me again!
I'm really glad you wrote this because it gives people a deeper insight into what bullying really is about. Even though this is just a fictional story, the themes still happen to thousands of people in real life.
You have done a great job of writing this along with the addition of humor (like the pig animagus thing) so funny!
I love your characterisation, it's so unique and really brings out a side in these characters that is not written much in fanfiction. I love how you made Dom so caring and sweet and Fred so outhere and weird! I also love love love to see James' nicer side. Rather than seeing him arrogant and stuck up he is humble and caring. I love how you have done this because it gives a reader a fresh perspective on him.
I also like you got rid of the stereotype of Hufflepuffs being kind and loyal. The bully girls definitely do not show these attributes which is also great because you haven't just stuck to the "guidelines" making the characters seem less Mary Sue.
So, if you couldn't tell from this review, I LOVED your second chapter and will be starting the last one as soon as I can! (I know I said that last time and it took me ages but i will try)!
10/10 keep up the amazing writing :)Author's Response: Hi again! Sorry about the lateness of this response!
Bullying happens to most people but sometimes people still don't really get what it's really about. That is the point of this story, and I'm glad to hear that the message is getting through! :D
I'm so glad you like my characterisation, I tried making them as un-cliche as possible. :p James is an odd character, he used to be stuck up but with a few words he becomes humble and caring, and that's kind of what Harry was like. In OOtP, he was angsty and grumpy but with a few words he usually went back to normal. :p
I also love James Potter II, so anything he does in my eyes is perfect! :p
Just because someone is in a specific house, doesn't mean they fit the stereotype! I also wanted to break that little convention we usually see in fanfictions! :p I'm SO glad to hear that they aren't 'Mary Sue', because I know how much it frustrates me when there's Mary Sue's in a story! :p
I'm so glad you liked it, don't worry about how long it took you, there's absolutely no rush! I completely understand that RL tends to but it's head in our fanfiction lives! :p
Thank you for taking the time to review this, it's really appreciated! ♥ Report Review
Hi darling! Sorry this review has taken so long!
Okay, I have to say that you may be getting a different perspective from me. I grew up in a very small town where every in high school knew each other, each others parents, and were fairly decent friends, then went to college where everyone has outgrown bullying. So not only have I never been bullied, but I've also never really seen it first hand. Because of that, my thoughts were identical to James's in terms of 'just tell them to stop!' and I LOVED being able to identify more with James, because I'm able to understand Clara's explanation more. If I was bullied, I'm sure I'd have identified with Clara right away, but I didn't, and through this chapter your teaching me to. I think that's a really awesome thing.
So, from the perspective of someone who never really understood bullying, you are doing a really great job showing its affects and what it does to a person. I was so angry at the people who were being cruel to Clara, but then through James I started understanding why she didn't try and do anything about it.
I also love that you have James being the one to offer a friendly hand, and have him a logical reason to do so. It was an excellent bit of character development.
What I think this needs is more physical detail. Clara is really emotional, and usually that comes along with trying to avoid things and distracting yourself. Like fidgeting yours hands or not looking people in the eye... So little things like watching a pot bubble on the stove because she doesn't want to meet James's eye would be a good touch. I just want to see more of what you saw in the little movie screen that was playing in your head with your characters on it.. or is that just me who does that? :P
This was an absolutely awesome start! Good luck on the challenge and please feel free to re-request for chapter 2!
JamiAuthor's Response: Hello! I'm sorry this response has taken so long!
Wow, that sounds so nice! My town is rather big and I hardly even know my neighbours! O.o
I'm glad you identified with James! So many people say "just say I don't like it" (or something similar) and they don't realise that it's terrifying to do so! It's a great feeling when you do say something, but generally people are so nervous and shaky that they can't actually think straight! I'm glad to hear that I'm kinda teaching it to people, because a lot of people don't really understand that whole thing. :p
I'm glad I portray it well and I'm glad to hear that people understand why she isn't standing up for yourself. It's not because she doesn't want to, it's because she thinks that she can't. :/
James offering a friendly hand is kind of a central thing to this story and I couldn't have him do it without a reason. ;)
I agree, nervous people are more likely to fidget, thank you for pointing that out! I will fix it as soon as I can! :D
Thanks for taking the time to review this, I really appreciate it! :D Report Review
Ohh this is such a sad chapter :*( I can't believe she has never had a friend! How sad :(
Hi it's potterweasleygranger from the forums and challenge.
This was a great (and sad) start to what seems like an interesting story with a creative plot line. I can't wait to read on and see where it goes!
Firstly I would like to complement you on this quote (I think it's also part of your summary) "It was like I had a sign on my forehead that read, 'I HAVE NO FEELINGS SO MAKE FUN OF ME BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MAKE ME CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP. SERIOUSLY, HAVE AT IT! MAKE FUN OF ME!’"
This is a fantastic quote that really shows emotion and gives an insight into just how Clara is feeling. There were some other examples of good quotes in this chapter to which proves that creating quotes such as these is a talent of yours!
I also love the name of your house elf, Hooky. How Cute!
Also, lovely similes, I noticed the ant and foot simile was a great idea and just like the quote, gives us an insight on just how heartcrushing bullying is.
Lastly, I love how you characterised James and how you wrote that he went from being so rude and arrogant (which is how I picture him normally) to being generous and kind, just by the simple scolding from his cousin. This is a new side of James for me so I am intrigued to see how you continue to write him in future chapters!
I love this chapter it is so well written and really shows emotion. It is also about a sad but different topic that I've not read much of in fanfiction.
I will read chapter 2 ASAP.
Keep up the good work!
~pwg/htAuthor's Response: Hello there! Sorry for the lateness of this response, I've got a lot on my plate right now!
Yeah, the quote was part of the summary. I'm glad you thought it gave an insight to how Clara was feeling, I really wanted to get that through! I'm glad you liked my other quotes too. :)
Hahaha, I spent ages looking at house elf names! Glad to hear that you liked it! ;)
Bullying is heart-crushing, I really wanted to get that through and I basically wrote my experiences of bullying! You feel so insignificant and so many people don't understand that.
I think James is someone who thinks they're being nice and happy, but when someone tells him that he isn't, he'll change. I think he's a bit naive but with the right direction, he's a pretty good boy. :p
I'm glad you liked it! Thank you for taking the time to review this and thanks for making me the winner of your challenge! :D Report Review
Awesome chapter, as usual! Haha, Clara FINALLY slapped someone in the face! I must say this is a start for her!
I love Tina and Dom! I'm glad they're there for Clara along with Fred and James. And I burst out laughing when I heard that Fred was terrified of girls until fourteen. :P
The ending was fab! It totally leaves the reader hanging! Update soon, pleasums! :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: Yes, she slapped someone. All this pent-up anger and emotion took over her rational thoughts. xD
Ahahaha, I was watching Big Bang Theory and I thought, "What if Fred wasn't confident like he seems to be in every single other fanfiction ever?" :p So yeah, I thought I'd slip that little detail in there. :D
The update may take a while, but I want to try and get it out there as soon as possible! :D
Thanks for another review! ♥ Report Review
Ugh, I want to yell at those mean girls! And I thought Hufflepuffs were supposed to be nice? I also find it funny that it was Zacharias Smith's daughter who was being the bully. :P Much like her father, isn't she?
I'm so glad the bullies got all of those punishments! But the thing is, I'm afraid they'll be even worse to Clara after that. I guess I'll just have to read on...;)
An awesome second chapter! Once again, your emotion is portrayed perfectly! Keep up the great work! :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: They ARE awful, aren't they? :(
I wanted to break that stereotype, so I just added it in there. ;) And I couldn't have Slytherins or someone else pick on her because they didn't know her! D: So yeah... it had to be them.
YES! YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON TO PICK THAT OUT! omg *squishes in a hug*
I was like, "Is anyone gonna pick this up???"
Read on and you'll see. ;)
I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for leaving me another review! :D Report Review
You know, one of the biggest reasons why I picked this story for first place was because you captured the emotion and hurt of bullying perfectly. It's like I'm stepping into Clara's shoes and I absolutely hated those bullies!
And the ending of this chapter was just so sweet! It was very realistic how Clara doubted James at first, but then he steps out and apologizes. A very good way to wrap up the chapter, it seems to have a very natural flow to it. :)
Overall, a wonderful job with this! Great characterization and an excellent start! :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: I'm still so honoured that I came first! I read some of the other entries and I was shocked at how good they were! So I'm so flattered. :)
I'm glad you hate the bullies, I based them off people who bullied me (and others) so as I sat down and typed I kept thinking, "Muahahahaha I'm creating a character based on you and I'm going to make everyone hate you! Muahahaha!" :p
If any of my bullies came up to apologise to me, I wouldn't give them the time of the day. Even though Clara is rather trusting, she wouldn't be like, "OMG YAY BFFLS 5EVAH!", she'd have to take time.
And that's what I wrote...
Anyway, I'm glad you liked the ending of it. :) It was sweet, wasn't it? ;)
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
It was only a matter of time before they decided that James and her were doing something more. But it's true what they say. The minute someone says that something is true, most people are going to start believing it.
She stands up for herself in a really big way. Yes! I just hope that her slapping him doesn't lead to something worse. But I'm glad that she did it. Maybe the best course of action would have been telling a Professor, but as we've seen, it doesn't always help, or help much for that matter. I really wish that it did though.
Anyways. Keep writing.
~LeighAuthor's Response: Yup! Always the way, huh? As soon as someone says something, it spreads like wildfire! It's absolutely ridiculous.
Slapping him... well my motto is 'violence is not the answer' so that gives you a hint of next chapter. ;)
Best course of action would be telling a Professor but she's human and she has faults.
Thanks for reviewing again! :D Report Review
That was a really vicious thing that those girls did to her. Really petty too, especially if James isn't even her boyfriend. I bet they were just looking for the smallest of reasons to pick on her.
I'm curious as to how they got the photo out so fast though. It wasn't a digital camera, right? Since those wouldn't work at Hogwarts. Ah well, it's just a minor detail. Still a curious one though, ehe. Also, you called Smith by the name Smithson a couple of times.
But, I really liked this chapter as well. You're doing a fine job at showing how cruel people can be, without making it too over the top. I'm glad that Clara had friends when this incident happened, because those girls probably would have gotten away with it. Clara's backbone seems a little stronger here, and I think the more that she hangs out with James and co., the more she'll be able to hold her head high. It's quite apparent that she doesn't deserve to be picked on (no one does), and it's high time that she sticks up for herself.
I liked the dialogue in this chapter as well. James wondering about his grandfather, and Severus saying that he's just like him, was a nice touch.
I have this strong feeling that things will get worse for her before they get better though. Bullies don't like being told on.
~LeighAuthor's Response: It was petty. But she was in sixth year and held a silly grudge. I've actually seen things like that happen in action so it IS real, but usually not as bad. :/ They were just looking to pick on her.
The photo thing, you're the first one to ask! :D It's a magical camera, like Colin Creevey had (in CoS) but they are in sixth year so they were much more adept in producing the photo and creating copies for the newspaper/magazine/thing.
Ack! Thanks for pointing that out! I originally had that as her last name but then I wanted her to be related to the previous tormentor so I went and changed it, I fixed that up now. Thanks for telling me! :D
Yup, James and co. are helping her become a stronger person. And that's usually what happens in real life, you make friends and you (usually) become a better/stronger person. :) That's also what I wanted to show, that friendship is important. :)
I'm glad you liked the Snape bit. It was a little sweet. :p
I'm not going to say anything on that subject! ;)
Thanks for leaving me another review, I'll respond to your next one now! :D Report Review
This was a really good start to your story. I could really feel what Clara was, and I almost wanted to cry myself. I don't think people realise just how hurtful words can be. They get a good laugh out of it, but for the person living with being bullied for a long time, it's not easy.
I think this story hit me especially hard after everything that has been happening as of late. I've read too many news articles about teens, bullying, and the end result of it. I truly hope that Clara becomes one of the few that stands up to her tormentors. As difficult as it may be.
I like that you have James apologise to her. And I do like the thought of them being friends. Maybe with him by her side, things will improve a little. But who knows? Sometimes something like that can make the bullying increase.
Ehe. I rambled. But this was a really good start and I'll be reading on.
~LeighAuthor's Response: Hello! :D
I'm glad you like it! Aww, I'm sorry I didn't want to make anyone cry! D: It isn't easy being bullied, more people need to know that!
Many things have been happening about bullying lately and it always will, which is so awful. I just wanted this fic out to show that people are affected by it. And, Clara will stand up to her tormentors, it's just later in the fic. ;)
It won't increase, I promise you! It gets better, but I'm sure you saw that in the other chapters. :p
Don't worry about rambling, I do it all the time! ;)
Thanks for the review! I'll go answer your other ones now! :D Report Review
Hello :) teh tarik here with your requested review.
First, great work for tackling this sensitive but very relevant issue of bullying in a very realistic manner.
As a character, Clara Wood is a distressed and vulnerable person who has to go through some painful experiences. I think you did a great job in depicting her sense of isolation and exclusion from the other students as well as her desire for acceptance. Great characterisation as well for James, who, in my opinion, sounds like a thick, rather insensitive sort of person. It will be interesting to see how the chemistry develops between them :) (I'm assuming this will be a James/Clara fic). Your characters contrast each other nicely, and there is a good balance of teen angst, pain and rejection with humour and moments of warmth and friendship in this chapter.
This moment is particularly lovely:
"Alright, I gotta go to Herbology. Where are you going?"
I stared at him. "I'm going to Herbology as well. I've been in your class for the past seven years."
His mouth dropped open. "Wow, I really am an arse. Sorry 'bout that. Wanna go?" He gestured with his head and I nodded, walking along with him.
It is funny, and at the same time there's that painful context of Clara being ignored throughout all her years at Hogwarts. I hope you include more lovely moments like these :D
The dialogue between James and Clara is filled with drama, and yet sounds natural and convincing. Do watch out for repetitive information in your writing, though. Clara repeats herself more than once - I understand that this is probably to show James' initial inability to understand her situation, but it does slow the pacing of the story down and becomes a little monotonous.
You mentioned description under in your Areas of Concern. There is a significantly greater amount of dialogue in this chapter compared to description, which isn't always a bad thing. However, I do feel that you need to include more details on the story setting. There is the backdrop of the Transfig classroom and the kitchen; however, both of these locations are rather threadbare and undeveloped. It would be nice if your characters made use of, and interacted with their environments a little more. Setting can help determine the tone and mood of a particular scene and make it a more convincing and realistic situation for the reader.
Overall, this is a great beginning to a longer story dealing with the often troubling and painful experiences of bullying :) I hope to see your character develop and mature emotionally and mentally as the fic progresses, along with her new friendship with James.
Good luck with the rest of the story :)
-tehAuthor's Response: Hello there! Thanks for taking the time to come review this for me! :D
No, it actually isn't a James/Clara fic. It's my first time not shipping anyone in this story, that's why I thought you might be happy to review it! :p
Only friendship chemistry. ;) (I don't even know if that's a thing but shh)
Aww thank you! I'm glad you liked that little moment. :)
Ahh, I am an offender of repeating everything. Thank you for pointing that out! :D I will try to change that little tidbit. :p
Okay then! Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely take it on board! :D
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me this long and thoughtful review! As soon as I edit the first chapter, I might re-request if that's okay with you? :)
Thank you so much again! All your advice is really appreciated! :D Report Review
I just wanted to thank you for this story. I've been bullied almost my whole life. I've never been able to stand up for myself until this year. My teacher signed me up for a writing contest with the theme of bullying and this story has made me realize that there is a lot worse. And I was hoping that maybe I could use the bathroom scene in my story. Please write me back to let me know.
Love Thalia (yes it is my real name)Author's Response: Hello! I'm flattered that you related to my story so well! So many people are bullied nowadays and it's so important that people know that it actually happens and it isn't a joke, it's extremely serious!
It's also so great that you stuck up for yourself! It's actually one of the best feelings in the world!
This review gave me a little reminder to why I loved writing this story so much! The best thing about writing is when readers relate really well to it. It's a wonderful feeling.
About the scene, I'm so flattered that you liked it so much but I'm not very comfortable with you using the exact scene. Especially because you are writing for a contest, I think that it's really important that it is your own work. You can always get inspiration from this fic and hopefully it gets your muse going but I'm going to have to ask you not to use the scene, as it would be cheating for your contest.
I'd be honoured to see you use it as an inspiration and would love to see how you adapted it. There are countless amounts of ways that an idea can be altered and made completely original and yours.
I'm on the forums and you can reach me by clicking on my 'Meet The Author' link and you can always send me a message for some ideas! You can always ask for some ideas, I don't mind helping you at all!
Thank you so much for this amazing review and thank you for asking me about the bathroom scene, I'm really grateful that you asked instead of just taking it. It really means a lot to me.
Best of luck with your contest! :)
Oh my gawd, yes! CLARA, YOU GO GIRL! WHOO!
I'm so proud of her in the end. It's about time she stood up for herself, and gave them what they deserved!
And Tina + Fred, they're simply adorable together. Even though they're not actually a couple, they seem so cute. Spooning. D'oh!
And I like Clara's little letter to her dad. It's really sweet, and how he's her primary source of comfort. And the whole scene with Tina being scared of owls. That was a great space for us to see how Clara's bonding was with her new friends.
Lovely chapter as always, abut I feel bad that I haven't given you such a big review like a usually do.
Anticipating the next chapter dearie! Keep up the spifftacular work!
oh, and P.S.
I forgot to implant this on my last review, but I really hope you're feeling better! :)Author's Response: YAY FOR CLARA! :D
I'm proud of her too! :D
I couldn't have no shipping in this story, so they popped up! I have an issue with shipping, nearly everything I have written has a ship in it. :p
I'm glad you liked the letter to her dad, it is quite sweet, isn't it? And Tina being afraid of owls was a kind of slight nudge that everyone has a weakness. :p
Don't you dare feel bad! You give me such amazing reviews and I STILL haven't gotten to yours yet! Although I am half-way through the first chapter, so I'll be reviewing maybe later tonight! Expect me soon, muahahahah!
Next chapter may take a while (I say that a lot but this time it's actually true) so don't hold your breath!
I'm feeling much better, thanks! It was just those couple of days I was feeling absolutely awful.
Anyway, thank you so much for leaving me another amazing review, you're seriously the best! ♥ Report Review
This is an excellent story - I think you've managed to portray bullying perfectly, not too stereotyped, not too agressive. It's really spot on, and I'm admirative of what you've managed to do here.
xxAuthor's Response: Hello there! :D
I'm glad you like my story, it's really just what I've gone through and what I've witnessed myself, so that's probably why it seems realistic, it has actually happened to people!
Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
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