You really are writing such a wonderful story. Loving every word of it :)Author's Response: Oh wow, I'm so chuffed with all the things you've said so far, I'm so glad you seem to be enjoying the story so much! :)x Report Review
I cried so much during this. The only thing I could dare to suggest is longer chapters. Brilliant story.Author's Response: Thanks for the review again!
I'm so happy you cried over the chapter, not in a sadistic way of course but because I'm hoping because you cried the chapter must have sparked some emotion in you, which is great for me to hear!
Don't worry, I'm learning to make the chapters longer so hopefully they'll be satisfactory lengths later on!!
I'm really happy with all your comments so far, thank you so much for leaving such positive reviews! :) x Report Review
Beatiful and perfect.Author's Response: Thank you again for leaving a review, I'm so happy with the comment :D x Report Review
Wow, with the lack of reviews I wasnt expecting this story to start out so well written. I do hope you explain what happened with Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes.
I must admit I am already very taken with this story. The small details you describe really make the novel, as does the characterisations especially considering it's only the beginning. Wonderful so far, update soon. :)Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for your review, and of course the many others you've left which I will also leave an answer too! I'm sorry I haven't done so sooner, I've been away on holiday for the past two weeks!
I'm really happy you think the story started out well and hopefully, now you've read on, you now know what has happened with Weasley's Wizard Wheezes!
I'm thrilled you were taken by the story at such an early stage and I'm glad that I managed to do the characterisations so well!
Thank you so much once again x Report Review
This is such a cute story! im so glad i found it! i really like it, it's got real emotionsAuthor's Response: Hello! Thank you for your review, I'm sorry I haven't got back sooner only I've been on holiday for the past two weeks or so!
I'm really happy you've enjoyed it and I'm thrilled to hear you feel it has real emotions! I hope you continue to enjoy it if you continue to keep reading!
Thanks again x Report Review
This is absolutely brilliant I can't believe that Ron is back in a sort of way :) Keep writing pleaseAuthor's Response: Hello! Thanks for reading and reviewing firstly!
I'm really happy you think the story is so good, so far I'm happy with it and it's really great to see readers liking it as well! I'm sorry about the delay for the next chapter but it's been put into validation now! I will definitely continue to write and eventually finish the story!
Thanks again! Report Review
Hi! This is probably going to be my last review on this story, because I am just too busy to do extensive reviews. I willl keep reading and telling you if I like how it is going or not, but I just don't have time to do long reviews. (sorry, but I'm taking 2 online classes, my own story needs to be completely rewritten, I have to do a giant quote report on to kill a mockingbird, and the list goes on and on.)
Okay, so your characters are very believable. Hermione may have fallen for George a little quickly, but it was okay because Hermione "talked to Ron" about it. As long as the relationship doesn't move too fast, it will be okay (I'm speaking from personal experience, the reason I'm rewriting my story is because the relationship went too fast).
The speed was just right, and the fact that Hermione drove was very fitting. I like how George was trying to get work at the bar, not in another joke shop; it was very unique and clever. Don't forget to add details that appeal to the readers 5 senses, just so the story has some character. (how things smell, feel, sound)
George with Angelina was good, but I wasn't too sure about the fact that he brought her home. It was a good device to move the plot along, but I have mixed feelings about it. I think George would have gone somewhere other than Hermione's house with a girl he knew, but then again he wasn't in his right mind. Maybe add a little more description about how affected by the war George was earlier in the story? Like give some examples besides him stealing from the minister, something that connects to the episode at Hermione's house so that it is a little more believable. (I hope that makes sense)
All in all I love this story, and I'm sorry I can't do more long reviews! This is going in my favorites!Author's Response: Hello! I totally understand about the not being able to leave long reviews and it's fine!
I'm glad my characters are believable and I'll make sure to not move the relationship on too quickly, after all my story is meant to be novella length right?
I'm happy the speed was right and I'll try and involve the things you mentioned in further chapters and when I come to rewrite certain bits for sure!
I do kind of agree with you that George shouldn't have brought Angelina home but it sort of had to happen if Hermione was going to catch them. I will try and add in more information about how George is affected though definitely!
Thank you so much for leaving such detailed reviews and I totally understand your position! I'm really happy you like the story and I'm so glad it's gone into your favourites! Thanks!! :) Report Review
GOD! Wow such an amazing storyAuthor's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review, means a lot!
I'm really happy you think the story's so good and I hope you'll continue to read it!
Thanks again! :D Report Review
Wow! That was amazing,
Im glad George is free :)
Great job keep updating!Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for reading and reviewing first and foremost!
I'm really happy you think the story is amazing, best feedback possible! I'm sorry about the delay for the next chapter but it's in validation right now!
Thanks again! Report Review
WAIT!!! what happens next???!!! please keep writing. a story is never a story unless its completed. and an author can never be an accomplished writer if he does not finish his piece. so please finish, for this one fan.Author's Response: Thank you so much for this fantastic review! Don't worry, I will make sure to finish the story!! Report Review
This story is very sad and I'm interested to see where it goes.Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
Hopefully you will like where the story goes!
The story is going great! The pace is perfect, I'm not getting bored or left behind. I also love that it seems very much like it could really have happened in canon.
The characters all seem very believable, and in character, no problems there. I especially like your Molly and Ginny, they are very good. Harry and Hermione's relationship is very nice too.
I don't really understand what it meant when you said near the end of the chapter that Hermione went down on her ankles. I may just not know what it means, or it may be a typo, but could you just clear that up for me?
I can't wait to read the next chapter, and I'll review it as quickly as I can!Author's Response: Hello!
I'm really happy that you believe the story could have happened in canon, probably one of the best compliments I've had!
I'm so glad that the characters seem believeable as I'm never too sure on that.
What I meant by the ankles bit was that she kinda bobbed up and down on her ankles, you know how you kind of sit down but your bum nor your knees touch the ground, your still on your feet but not stood up? I meant that but I didn't know how to explain it.
Thank you! Report Review
The characters are still very believable; Molly getting Hermione to stay longer than she wanted was definately the highlight of believability, because I caan definatly see her doing that. I also liked the part where Hermione smelled Rons pajamas; it was a nice touch!
The plot is still flowing smoothly, and isn't too fast or too slow. It is believable, and noot too crazy or boring.
I am enjoying this story, it's just I've been very busy lately (I'm starting 2 online courses this summer, and I'm editing my own story lol). Please excuse the long periods of time between my reviews, I really like this story and reviewing it, I just have so much on my plate right now.
Can't wait to read the next chapter! Keep up the great writing!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really glad that the story is believable and is flowing at a nice pace, I'm also happy you aren't finding it boring!
Don't worry, I've been busy too lately and I know that it's difficult to find the time to read so take your time!
Thank you again! Report Review
I have now read the whole of this story with great pleasure, finding it rather entertaining. I am unsure as to whether the story ends here or if there will be more added... I hope to continue reading as the story was so moving at points and I congratulate you upon the good work. Keep It Up as I am sure that I along with many other readers are intriged to read more about George and Hermione's love story.Author's Response: This review has really cheered me up!
I'm so glad you've enjoyed reading the story and found it entertaining, I'm happy to let you know that it isn't the end and you will be hearing more about George and Hermione's relationship!
I hope you continue to enjoy it and thank you so much for the fantastic review! :D Report Review
Alright, so your characters are believable, and you did handle the whole 'george is now' crazy thing nicely. I did think the story may have moved a little too fast towards the end, so you may want to add some more details in there. Maybe george explaining exactly how he stole from the minister, or something like that. maybe more of what was going through hermione's mind.
There was one sentence in the middle that I found a small issue with. it was the one where the ministry official was talking: "Iím afraid not, he was killed, Iím sorry to tell you Mrs Weasley but Iím afraid your husband is dead." I think you should get rid of the first time the official says that ron is dead, then it may flow easier.
You also may want to put something significant into the paragraph right before the break. I really liked it, but there was just no meaning to it. You can show how hermione was feeling or how she was changed sense ron's death or something
All in all I realy liked it, and look foward to reading more when I have the chance to!Author's Response: Hello!
I understand the reasoning behind the fact that the end of the chapter comes across as a little fast paced and I will look back and alter that when I can.
I see where you're coming from with the sentence thing and I will indeed change that too.
Thank you for all the pointers and I'll definitely see to them as soon as possible! I'm glad you liked it and that you look forward to reading more! Report Review
I'm really surprised this story doesn't have more reviews! It deserves a lot more attention.
I hope my comments have helped a bit. I feel that, looking back, two main critiques seem the most important and relevant to most chapters:
1. The large paragraphs of description and even dialogue are hard to read. Just breaking them up into two or three smaller ones, without adding anything more, would make this story more enjoyable.
2. At times I feel that the relationship between Hermione and George feels impossible or unlikely because they are on so unequal of footing. Where George is completely out-of-wack and making all sorts of mistakes, Hermione has her life in order and even though she grieves for Ron a lot, she hasn't made any great errors. On top of that, Hermione is helping George overcome his grieving for Fred. She even bought him a very expensive shop! I feel as though in order to move their relationship further, George would have to do something equally impressive to help Hermione. Otherwise, George could always feel like he owes Hermione. The end of this chapter sort of cemented that for me. How can Hermione think she did anything wrong? To me, George came off extremely ungrateful, childish and hypocritical. But maybe that's just the feminist in me. Lol. :)
Thank you so much for requesting! I've really enjoyed reading this story. Your story is very well-written, and I hope I've given you more ideas or made you think about characters. That's always my intention! :) 10/10
AetherAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for all of the reviews you have left for me, they have all definitely helped me!
For your first point I will definitely look to edit the chapters and make sure to break up the paragraphs.
For your second point I definitely see where you're coming from and I am planning in the next few chapters to make sure George does more to help Hermione so it isn't all one-sided. I agree with you on the fact that George was very hypocritical and ungrateful so it isn't just the feminist inside you, that was the sort of thing I was aiming to put across!
I'm really happy that you enjoyed the story and the ideas you've given me are all very interesting and something to take on board most definitely. Thank you so much for rating it 10/10 and I'm really grateful for all of the brilliant reviews you have left! Report Review
Nice chapter! I liked the rain, and you did a great job of setting up the scenery. I did feel a bit uncomfortable with Hermione grieving for Ron, and then kissing his brother. But, I think it does a good job at showing how confused both of them are, still. Excellent chapter!
AetherAuthor's Response: Thank you!
I'm really happy I managed to set the scene well! And I realise that is slightly uncomfortable but like you say, they still are very confused! Report Review
Wow! I can't believe Harry set Hermione up to interrogate Millicent like that! Maybe he didn't know. I think it's really great that Hermione's helping George back on his feet. I hope he can help her deal with her pain over Ron's death. Really great chapter! I'm looking forward to reading more. :)
AetherAuthor's Response: I'm glad you thought this chapter was great and thank you so much again for the review even if I did of course request it! Report Review
Again, great chapter! I'm very curious about what's going through George's head. He calls Hermione 'Granger' and sleeps with Angelina, yet he wants to be be with Hermione? Is Hermione just another fling for him, or does he have genuine and lasting feelings for her?
(also, typo in my last review: spurring should be spurning).
AetherAuthor's Response: Thank you once again for saying it is a great chapter! Makes me feel like I'm doing something right haha!
George's head at the moment I feel is rather muddled, same with Hermione, and like you said in the earlier review George doesn't really know what he's doing nor does he believe he deserves Hermione. Also he doesn't know whether or not what he feels for Hermione is stronger than the feelings he's felt for others, like for example Angelina, and so he's trying desperately hard to work it all out, and that's why things seem so blurry, but I'm sure all will be revealed in later chapters!
In terms of George calling Hermione 'Granger' personally I see it as George merely teasing Hermione, although I do see where you're coming from!
Thank you once again for the review, it seems you are enjoying the story which is great because I wouldn't want to force you to read and review something you weren't enjoying! All your reviews so far have been incredibly helpful!! Yay! X Report Review
Excellent chapter! I thought Hermione's conflicted feelings made sense and were well described. George's actions after being spurred by Hermione also made sense - he's not really in control of himself, and he doesn't know what he wants (or doesn't think he deserves to go after it?). Great job!
AetherAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for such a brilliant review!
I'm really glad that you believe Hermione's feelings were believable and were put forward well, that's always a great thing to hear!
I'm happy that George's actions made sense too, I was worried about whether or not it would be a bit weird or strange for him to suddenly be sleeping with somebody else but that doesn't seem to be the case because you seem to have grasped exactly what feelings I was trying to show with George's actions, which I have to say is really really satisfying for me as it means that hopefully I wrote it well because I managed to communicate what I wanted to put across!
Thank you for such a complimentary review, constructive criticism always helps me out but its always good to hear this sort of stuff too!! X Report Review
Nice third chapter. I like the part with George and Hugo! It was cute. I'm curious about how Hermione and George's relationship will develop, since it seems at this point that Hermione treats him like another child.Author's Response: Thank you again for the review, even if it was requested!
I love the bit with Hugo and George too so I'm glad you liked that bit as well! Hopefully you won't be disappointed with how George's and Hermione's relationship pans out! I realise she does treat him like a child at this stage but I think Hermione's always been quite mothering, even with Harry and Ron, maybe that's just how I interpreted her? But yes, their relationship will most definitely develop and I hope you will like the result x
Beautiful second chapter. I feel that Hermione's feelings towards George are more set and explained now, which I like. I saw more huge paragraphs in the last half of the chapter, and I really think breaking them up a bit would make it easier to read. Great job! Reading on...Author's Response: Thank you for the review again! I'm really glad you enjoyed this chapter as I was never to sure on it and to hear you say that you though it was beautiful is just amazing! I'm glad that things have been made a little clearer too!
Once again, I've fallen into that pit of having too big a paragraphs, I'll really need to stop doing that! I'll make sure to go change it! Thanks again for the review! X Report Review
Hi! It's Aether here with your requested review. I enjoyed this first chapter. I like how Hermione started the chapter thinking about books. Very in-character! :) It was a nice way to introduce the story and show Hermione's mindset.
I felt a bit confused by the first sentence, "she felt free as a bird." Was this from the book Hermione was reading? It was a little abrupt for me at the beginning. Maybe if it were in italics?
Also, I felt a bit disconnected from Hermione's character at the beginning. I really like the part where Hermione throws the book, but it's hidden in the middle of a paragraph. I feel the paragraphs could be broken up a bit, with a few more pieces of action like the book-throwing added in. I feel that describing in words how a character is feeling is less effective than showing what she's feeling in actions. Also, I think the sentences feel a bit disconnected sometimes, interrupting the flow of the story.
"...She shouldnít have read it in the first place, all those types of book did was make her annoyed. The worst thing was that nothing bad ever happened in those books."
Instead, you could tale the end of the last sentence into the first sentence of the next... like, "She shouldn't have read it in the first place; she only became annoyed by those types of books. In them, nothing bad ever happened." This is just an example. Coherence is important, and I know that sometimes I get a better feel for these sorts of edits in my own stories a few days after I've written something. Betas can sometimes help with that sort of thing.
Also, I'm curious about how Hermione became the Head of Magical Law Enforcement. What made her a better candidate than Ginny or Harry? Who decides that sort of thing? I see a lot of prejudice in the wizarding world, so how did/does Hermione overcome it? I'm excited and curious about this plot point. I think Hermione could do a great job as head of the magical law enforcement!
I'm very interested in George's character, too. His mindset and the changes his character has undergone are all well-explained in this chapter. However, I felt Hermione's own feelings and emotions about George and his situation were a bit muddled. In the beginning she refers to him as "the man," but in the same paragraph admits she knows him as George Weasley. This detachment from him in the beginning makes me think that Hermione feels a lot of anger and disinterest in George. I was surprised she was so quick to make an exception for him, and I didn't completely understand her reasoning.
I'm very interested to see where this story goes! George Weasley sounds like a very great character to play against Hermione. I will finish reading this story and leave reviews on most chapters. Excellent first chapter!
AetherAuthor's Response: Hello! Thank you for such a detailed and lengthy review, it is really helpful! In return I think I should give a lengthy and detailed response too!
On your first point, about the first sentence, it was actually for a challenge I entered a while back, to have that as the first sentence, but I ended up pulling out of the challenge because I couldn't meet the deadline. It is indeed meant to be the last line in the book Hermione was reading but I do have to agree though that it does seem rather abrupt and I like your idea of having it in italics, so I'll get to changing that as soon as possible!
With the next point, about feeling disconnected from Hermione, I can see where you are coming from. I always seem to babble on about a character's feelings instead of showing them with their outward actions and I guess I was guilty of it here too, so I'll make sure to look over that part. I also have to agree with the large paragraphs I used at the start of this chapter, I guess I got so carried away with the ideas that were sparking in my head over what was going to happen I let the beginning run away with itself, but, now I know, I will go back and I will correct anything that needs correcting, including the things you put across.
The same can be said when it comes to the cohesion side of things, I guess I just wanted to get the chapter out there asap and didn't read over it as thoroughly as I should have done, so I'll look back at that too!
The reason Hermione is Head of Magical Law Enforcement is because I think I read it somewhere, don't quote me on it but I think I read somewhere that that's what JKR saw Hermione as doing after she sorted out Magical Creatures Rights. I just though it fitted perfectly with the story too, so that's why she is in that position, I didn't much think to how she got there. I did also read somewhere that Harry became Head of the Aurors and Ginny played Quidditch for the Holyhead Harpies but once again, don't quote me on it. Maybe I might describe that part in more detail further on in the story though!
I'm really glad I've explained George well in the chapter and that you find him interesting, it's the best I could have hoped for I have to say! I realise that perhaps Hermione acted a bit oddly towards George but I didn't quite know how Hermione would react, seeing George after so many years in the state he was in, I guess I thought Hermione would first be surprised by George's appearance and so on and that may come across as anger or as you say disinterest, and then once she'd studied him a bit more she would realise that she wanted to offer him her help, seeing as he seemed in desperate need of it. Well,that's how I like to explain that bit, but of course this probably needs a bit more explaining in the chapter itself so I will look back on that and fix it up. I used 'the man' in that bit because I wanted to use variety in the writing, you know, so it wasn't just George all the time, but of course I see now that that does come across like Hermione is detached from George and I'll also look to fix that part up.
I'm really happy you're interested to see where the story leads and I hope you enjoy the rest of it! Thank you so much for taking so much time to write the review, even if I did request it! X Report Review
This is so sad!! Poor George!Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing again! I've also noticed you've favourited the story which means hopefully you're enjoying the read!! It is sad I know :( but it will get better!!! :D Report Review
This is starting out quite interesting. I never thought of Hermione in Law enforcement but the idea is satisfying.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I think I read somewhere that Hermione went into Law Enforcement after she fixed up magical creatures rights but don't quote me on that, I'm not sure! I'm glad you seem to have enjoyed the first chapter and I hope you continue to read on and enjoy the rest of the story! I would absolutely love it if you could continue leaving reviews too as every bit of feedback helps to spur me on and improve my writing but of course that is most definitely up to you!! :D Report Review
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