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Reading Reviews for A Force Of Wills
107 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Penelope Inkwell A Force of Wills

27th September 2014:
Oh, Brava, Gabbie! This is the best chapter I’ve read from you yet. I was constantly engaged, just waiting to see what could happen next. The writing was tighter--orderly, great flow.

You just did such a good job on this chapter.

Now I need to gush about the things I enjoyed.

"Mrs. Malfoy having abandoned her quite some time ago to scrape up her ego.”--I love the image you create with this quote

And, oh, Scorpious inviting her to live with him and his girlfriend was so sweet! I know you’ve mentioned that their relationship will have some ups and downs, but right now I love the interactions between the siblings. I love how he knows that, more than anything, she just wants to escape.

I do have this weird, bad feeling for Diana, though. I’m quite worried that she isn’t going to make it.

I found another twin brain wave! Muggle novels! If things stay the same as they are in my drafts, my Astoria has reason to be interested in them, as well.

“They both knew that their father’s business would never be over so long as he was filled with so much hatred.”--this intrigues me. I wonder what her father’s backstory is. Is there a reason behind his vendetta? Have the Greengrasses always been part of the magical mafia, or did her father choose this business, and why?

Ha! When Draco threatens to cut off her fingers and Astoria responds, “You don’t have the guts or the stomach for it, Malfoy. It’s a dirty business.” Brilliant! I just love her so much more, in that moment. I love how, even though she feels so endangered, she never backs down.

“I heard that he’s going to go back to Hogwarts to teach as Potions teacher. And there was something about a girl—”
--Now that’s interesting. But I thought Blaise was still underage? How is he old enough to have a teaching position? It would be interesting to see what Blaise could do at Hogwarts in a position of relative power. If he is planning to work there, I imagine there’s an important reason behind it.

-"'I like you,' Zabini said after a while. 'You’re not nearly as stupid as I thought you were. Good for you.’

-'Thanks, I live for your opinion.' Astoria said dryly."

--Bahaha, I already really like them together!

-“Zabini continuing to make mocking faces until she actually laughed. 'Would you stop doing that? We’re supposed to be hiding!’


--That is adorable.

"Astoria said as she distractedly stared at his face, wondering how he was able to stretch and pull at it so easily.”
--I really loved this quote, because I feel like it gives us some interesting insight into Astoria. So, she feels like she always has to keep her face expressionless, and is intrigued by someone who shows so much emotion? That’s such a great detail!


There are still some run on sentences, or long sentences in need of some extra punctuation.
And, if a character is speaking, unless their words are incorporated in the surrounding sentence, then the quote should start a new sentence.

Eg.) Rather than, Worry lines sketched their way onto Albus’ brow, “I don’t know,” he hedged. it would be, Worry lines sketched their way onto Albus’ brow. “I don’t know,” he hedged.

Or, with a more complicated sentence from the story:

Astoria heard snippets here and there but could not imagine her sister seducing Malfoy, it sickened her to no end, “Be careful, Emily.” Astoria said tightly.

It would be more correct to write:

Astoria heard snippets here and there, but could not imagine her sister seducing Malfoy. It sickened her to no end. “Be careful Emily,” Astoria said tightly.

* I think you could also put a semi-colon between “Malfoy” and “it” if you’d like it to remain one sentence.

That’s just little grammar stuff, but it can help the flow of the story.


Overall, I was just really impressed by this chapter. It’s definitely my favorite so far. The way Draco’s demanding nature is juxtaposed against Blaise’s good humor and gentlemanly conduct was excellent. I really felt like I got a stronger grasp on the central characters--what they are really like beneath their masks. Astoria had some one-liners that made me laugh out loud. I just want to applaud her. I love how you make her both brave and vulnerable. It’s very well done.

Thanks so much for the swap, for being my official 100th reviewer for TH (eep!), and for the great reading material.


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by with this awesome review, evil twin. I think that we're pretty even when it comes to chapters right now! Hahahhaa.

This was actually my favorite chapter to write but no a real favorite for some of my other readers. I was actually more engaged in this chapter than the others and it just keeps on rolling from here. What I liked the most about this was that there was a good power play going on, you weren't sure what was going to happen next.

Scorpious inviting Astoria to live with him and Diana was just really sweet. It was also kind of sad at the time because we all know that things never go smoothly. You should have a bad feeling about Diana and although I don't mention her much, things don't work out well for her. Hahahah.sorry.

Muggle novels! Whoo!

You get more details about the family business in chapter six. You might be left with more questions but Astoria's father wasn't the one who started it, it was her grandfather. I won't spoil it for you though so you'd just have to keep on reading to find out! :D

Oh, that part with Astoria destroying Malfoy about the fingers. Hahahaah. It was one of my favorite lines. My girl has a sharp mouth, she keeps bouncing back no matter what they do to her.

Okay, that thing about Blaise becoming Potions master was a mistake on my part. I should have elaborated more on that but what I meant was that he was going to try for the position after he had graduated. It would be a good position for him too but for someone who doesn't like children, I feel sorry for his students already...

Hahaha, yes, the face pulling was something that Astoria found fascinating. She can't reveal very much about herself but it was also something that would add a bit of humor to these two. And aren't they just the cutest?!

Oh, the CC's...they make me weep. Hahha.

Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews, this story has gotten a bit of a bump lately and I couldn't be more grateful. I usually only got one review until now! :D

And you're welcome for the 100th review as well! :D

Much love,


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Review #27, by GingeredTea Traitors

27th September 2014:
Okay, I'm back for another!

I'm getting curiouser and curiouser about Astoria's father. What, exactly is his 'business'? It's all sort of sounding mobbish to me...

Yup, definitely want to know what Astoria's other 'half' is.

That was a surprise with Zabini.Astoria's reaction was not surprising at all, however (obviously, I'm smarter and more perceptive than you, Draco Malfoy!)

And oh, Draco looks as though he has something terrible planned. He reminds me a bit of petulant toddler.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks again for stopping by! I drop hints about what Astoria's father does and you'll get your answers by chapter six. It's a complicated business that they're in and he's very, ah, demanding. How is it that you're the only one who has guessed the true nature of what they do? Hahahaha. "Mobbish" is exactly right.

Astoria is half demon! That would actually be awesome but nah, she's not.

Blaise is a whole big box of surprises and that's why I love him. Astoria is fascinated by him and well, poor Draco is going to have to get over himself. HAHAHA.

Draco has something planned but nothing works out he way he thinks. Hahahaha. And yes, he's a major brat.

Much love,


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Review #28, by GingeredTea Purebloods

27th September 2014:
You have me interested. I have a suspicion that Astoria is not as sullied as they believe? Perhaps her father is someone worthwhile? Or are all the children actually 'breeds'? Ugh - lots of possibilities. Something is important about her though.

As you can see, I made it pretty far in before I came up for air! Sorry about the delay with reviews - my schedule just doesn't seem to be evening out for me recently and it can be hard to predict when I'll have time to review. I always get back to them, though. :)

"“Emily, what have we always been taught?” Scorpious asked hotly. Astoria said it for her sister. “Never trust a pureblood.”"

Interesting. There is something 'off' about this family, I think. Is the father a spy??

Blaise seems interesting, but maybe he lost interest?

There are lots and lots of questions.

The flow of this chapter was excellent. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back! Hahaha, Astoria's father is not to be trusted and there's nothing worthwile about him, trust me. If you keep reading, you'll see what I mean but until now, keep guessing. Astoria has a secret but I won't reveal it for a long time and no, her other two siblings are purebloods.

Curious, yes?

It's perfectly all right with how late your reviews are. I'm usually late on everything I do so I'm all good.

There are a lot of things wrong with this family, they're all a bit touched in the head. Hahahahhaha.

Blaise hasn't completely lost hope in Astoria but you'll have to keep reading. Hahaha.

So many questions, not enough answers. I know I'm evil. Hahahaha.

Thanks so much, dear!

Much love,


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Review #29, by TidalDragon Half and Half

25th September 2014:
Well, I've finally made it! You probably thought I forgot about you, right? But I didn't. Just had a rather nightmarish load of work recently.

Anyway, it's really interesting to see how much your writing has evolved over time. You're so much stronger with description, word choice, and characterization now than in this piece! Still, there were ghosts of those here, especially in the beginning that I enjoyed. The attire and Greengrass family relationships were fine examples.

There were two things I found most interesting overall: (1) your main character is once again a marginalized figure, even in the circles they travel in - this seems to be theme for you and it's intriguing (I'd love to know the whys, and here particularly the mechanics of Astoria's half-blood heritage) and (2) you had an incredibly consistent pattern of not exceeding 3 lines per paragraph in this story (was there a rationale? At times it felt deliberate, to sharpen Astoria's negativity and criticisms, but other times it made things a bit unnecessarily choppy.

I'll be back for the next chapter soon as penance for being late.

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey, there! It's good to see that you have returned from the struggles of Real Life! I welcome you back with kittens and lots and lots of chocolate. :D

This was my third (Not quite sure but I'm going to have to check) fanfic and I was still trying to get into the groove of things. I'm glad that you're able to see how much my writing has evolved though, this story itself has changed a lot since this first chapter. It's up to about...24 chapters at the moment so if you kept reading, I hope you'll be able to see how my writing has improved. I've been working on this for almost two years now, can't you believe that? Hahahhaa.

There's a lot of mystery around Astoria in particular and you might not expect some of them. Her half-blood status of course is the main thing that everyone wants an answer to but I think that the truth will surprise you and won't be what you think, at least I hope it won't be.

Ah, some of the paragraphs were like that on purpose and others were just me trying to get through this monster in one piece. It's a bit choppy in places where I was trying to get the kinks out but I smoothed over a lot of those problems in later chapters. :D

Hahahah, I hope to see you again soon with a review for the next chapter. I might have you reading this one for a while until I get Transparent back up there, I'll stop by and request again soon.

Much love,


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Review #30, by EnigmaticEyes16 A Force of Wills

23rd September 2014:
This story is getting VERY interesting. I was very intrigued by Astoria's little chat with Blaise in the pantry. He doesn't really seem like a terrible guy and it was nice to see him come out of his quiet shell a bit. I can't wait to see more of Astoria's interactions with him, because looking at the titles of upcoming chapters, I can see that there is definitely going to be more. And I'm also very curious to see what Draco does next. I wonder if we will see him again before they go off to Hogwarts.

But that is it for today, I need some sleep. These are some very long chapters you write, but I have to say, it never gets dull.


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by again with this lovely review. I'm glad that a lot of people have come to this story and I hope we continue to chat, I still owe you a review and I'll get to it right after this!

Blaise isn't nearly as terrible as Draco is and might actually be a decent guy. Hahaha. I wrote him as a bit more reserved and the conversation that he has with Astoria in the pantry only shows the first real signs of his character.

Oh, there's going to be more interactions between Blaise and Astoria. Hahaha. The story goes into a way different direction after chapter six so you're just going to have to wait and see. Draco does show up again but just not in the way you expect.

Hahah, go to sleep! I have long chapters and I'd rather not have you guys passing out when you need rest. Hahahah.

Thanks a lot!

Much love,


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Review #31, by EnigmaticEyes16 Purebloods

22nd September 2014:
Jeez, that was intense. I was reading the second half of this to the end, practically on the edge of my seat, my little ipod touch less than a foot away from my face, mentally going "ah!" the entire time. And the game hasn't even started yet! Or has it? Hmmm.

Okay, a lot happened in this chapter. I think I like and I don't like Draco. I'm legit torn on my feelings for him in this story. He's kind of a total jerk. Especially when she's fainted and he still wants to have his way with her, and at the same time keeps telling Blaise to just dump her somewhere. But I was glad that Blaise was gentlemanly enough to catch her before she fell and lay her down gently, and that he protected her from Draco and the other guys until her siblings came in.

I'm also glad we got to see that there's a little more to Emily in this chapter. She cares for her sister, but she seems to smooze her way through things, purposely involving herself with men she's trying to get information out of. I'm very intrigued by their "family business" and very curious as to what exactly their father's goal is here since they seem to all hate purebloods so much. And I'm very curious about the threats Astoria has on Malfoy... although I don't know why he would want her to be his, and want to ruin her at the same time... is that so she has to turn to him for help? Maybe? He's seems to have a pretty twisted view of things...

I am going to have to read on some more because I'm very curious to know what's happening and this story has totally ensnared me. It's very well written, too, my only issue is there are so many commas around the dialogue where there should probably be periods and it can be slightly confusing figuring out who's speaking at times. But other than that, I'm loving this story.


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by, I'm glad that you've enjoyed the story so far. Bwhahaha, I hope you didn't hurt your iPod touch by having it that close to your face though, I've learned my lesson with technology. Hahhah.

Anyhoo, Draco is a complete and utter sleaze in this story and a lot of people pretty much give up on him right about now. I wrote him that way on purpose and its really sad that the only thing on his mind is when he can have Astoria for his own. Blaise is more old fashioned than the others and he wouldn't have let anything happen to Astoria, he's actually human.

Ah, yes. Emily has a bit more depth to her than what you might have seen in the first chapter and while she's not particularly a favorite, I'm glad that people understood that she does love her sister. Being with various men for information is all a part of the business their family is involved in and you'll find out more about that later.

Astoria's father has information on everyone so of course, she knows more about the Malfoy family than Draco does. Hahaha. Draco has an intense lust for Astoria, it really can't be explained very well so I hope you do stick around longer. :D

I'll have to go in and fix those mistakes, it's been a long time since I've actually took a step back and looked through each chapter. Thanks for telling me though!

Much love,


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Review #32, by EnigmaticEyes16 Half and Half

22nd September 2014:
Hi! I am here for our review swap! Sorry it took me so long, I got temporarily distracted but I did not forget.

Anyway, so far this seems very intriguing. I like Astoria a lot so far and her disdain for pureblood society, and just about everyone we've met so far, lol. Although i was a bit confused with her siblings, since I always see her and Daphne as sisters. But I'm intrigued by her brother being called Scorpious... But I do love that he has her back as her sister has yet to have a personality under her good daughter demeanor.

There's definitely something going on in Draco's mind about Astoria that I am dying for a glimpse of. I saw that you have two one-shots concerning this coupling and I may have to check those out, too.

This game so far is also very interesting and I think I'm just gonna have to read on to find out what happens during it. I did notice a few mistakes here and there, just some little typos and one or two weird word choices but nothing that couldn't easily be cleared up with a beta maybe.

So far though, this is really good. I think I'm definitely going to have to read on because I want to know what happens next.

Again, thanks for the review swap! I'm glad I got to read this story so far.


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by and it's really all right that it took you a minute to get here. I always take too long with my own reviews and people have too much faith in my power to resist chocolate. Hahahha.

Astoria has a lot of issues with purebloods at the moment and I think that if you keep reading, you'll only see that it goes far beyond hatred. There's no Daphne Greengrass in this story, it's sort of an AU so don't worry about that. Hahaha. Ah, so many people are interested in Scorpious's name and well, it really isn't what you think.

Scorpious does love his sister though and he'd never let anything happen to her.

If you had wanted to know more about Draco's feelings towards Astoria, you could try out those one-shots. I'm going through an editing process for "Monsters in the Dark" though so if I update it and you seem a little confused, that's why. Hahhaah.

Thanks so much for stopping by with this lovely review!

Much love,


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Review #33, by Penelope Inkwell Traitors

20th September 2014:
Woah! Points to Blaise! (though, after spending so much time in my version of Astoria’s head, my first thought is still, “This is not wise!”)

I also like Emily a lot more, here. She’s gone back up in my estimation, being protective of her little sister like that. And her advice does not sound half bad...

“He was dating that broomwreck?”--I always enjoy seeing normal idioms translated into the wizarding world. Love it!

So the Greengrasses are, like, Personal Revenge Consultants? Who you can hire to ruin your enemies? That is fascinating! It’s also a nice twist, since I was assuming that Astoria had her own room because she was, like, a werewolf or a vampire or something, but this is more original and makes perfect sense.

So, the count so far is that our Astorias: (1) Both have issues with Pureblood society, (2) Both are well trained in digging up secrets, (3) Have a penchant for revenge, (4) Have connections to the Order of the Phoenix, and (4) Cannot get rid of Draco Malfoy. However, I still find our stories to be really different. It’s so interesting! Our evil twin mental connection is apparently quite strong. ; )

I have hope that Draco will improve, but right now he’s truly despicable, so I’m inclined to have to temporarily ship Astoria and Blaise. I’m still stuck on his very dramatic departure from the Death Eaters. What will that mean?! I’m certainly interested in finding out, so that was an excellent use of a plot twist. Bravo!


Author's Response: Hey, there!

Thanks for coming back, you've been really awesome. Points to Blaise indeed but of course, it's going to backfire in some way and I'm glad that you're catching on to it.

Ah, Emily does grow on you after a while and she's very protective of Astoria. I don't think that her advice is going to work out in the way that she thinks though...

Bwhahah, "broomwreck" always makes me laugh.

Well...I would say that the Greengrass's are more like the mafia but you've given them a much more esteemed title. Hahahhaa. Astoria would make a good vampire and that idea is actually so AWESOME that I would totally write that! Too bad that I didn't think of it at all...

Our Astoria's continue to be so unique and so different! I'm really eager to get back to TH too, I want to know how your Astoria is doing.

Twin mental connection power!

I'm supposed to transform but it didn't work...

Anyway, Draco doesn't improve but I don't want you to give up on him just yet. You should ship Astoria/Blaise though, there's something happening there. Hahhaha.

You'll have to read the next chapter if you want to find out what happens though, I won't tell you! :D

Thanks for coming by!

Much love,


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Review #34, by GingeredTea Half and Half

20th September 2014:
I really liked the first line you chose for this story - setting up the mood of the main character right off the bat.

I pretty much suck at grammar, but I was a bit distracted by the lack of it some places. Like here:

The moment [or opportunity?] would spare her the agony of being near the horrid people that[who] were[would] (going to - cross out) be tainting her night later on[;] but[crossout] when no such hole appeared[,] or no unearthly creature offered her the salvation she craved, her heart sank.

You have a few paragraphs/ sentences that would work awesomely with a semi-colon.

I really like the thought-process you have exposed to the reader in this story and the flow just kept getting better and better as you went on. I was laughing somewhere toward the middle, which I usually don't.

The end was admittedly a bit creepy. The game was...well lets just say I share Astoria's opinion on it exactly.

All in all I really enjoyed this first chapter and would love to come back for another! Sorry this review took so long. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Oh, goodness. I thought that you had vanished on me and it's so good to see that you're back! This means that you can stuff as many requests for Devlin Potter in my review thread! I'm already excited! Go do that nyow! I have another slot open in my review thread! DO IT.

Anyhoo, thanks so much for stopping by, I didn't think that you would actually read/review after so long. I think my favorite part of this entire chapter is the fact that it starts off so dark and poor Astoria's thoughts of her pureblood counterparts only gets worse.

ARGH! I hate that part of this chapter, I am totally going to edit the mess out of that. I had been meaning to upload the edited chapter for this but I keep forgetting, I'd actually cleaned that little bit up a looong time ago.

Ah, dark humor. It is my friend! I'm glad that you were able to laugh though, I can't really write an angsty story without a few laughs.

The end is supposed to make you feel really creeped out. So many people have commented on that game and I can't blame them for wanting to whisk Astoria away. Hahahaha.

Come back anytime, it would be lovely to hear from you! :D

Much love,


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Review #35, by Penelope Inkwell Purebloods

20th September 2014:
Ugh. I feel violated. You do an excellent job and making Draco the absolute king of sleaziness. Ick! Poor Astoria. I mean, that is some serious harassment.

I was really happy with Emily for a while. She didn’t seem like such a simpering fool when she swooped in to save her little sister, and she legitimately seemed more concerned with her than she was about her reputation.

And then, after seeing how absolutely horrid Malfoy is, she suggests that Astoria try to get close to him, to benefit the family? Ick. Pureblood manipulation, through and through. But it was very realistic.

“What? We do, I’m just saying, we could…let him go missing.” Scorpious said with a playful shrug and Astoria shuddered, they couldn’t have that happening again. It was why there was only three of them now...” Oh my gosh, do they mean Daphne? I know you said that she wasn’t part of the story, but did she die?!

Way to be a gentleman, Blaise. It’s nice to know that one of their number is at least capable of being decent.

I am interested in the way that the Greengrass siblings talk about Purebloods. Obviously Astoria isn’t one, but Emily and Scorpius are, yet they’re pretty derisive towards the whole group. Do they think they, themselves, are untrustworthy as well? Or are they not really Purebloods?

"She omitted the fact that it only became necessary when there was information that needed to be stolen...” Ah! An Astoria after my own heart. Love it!

You really do a great job with the creepy, skin-crawly tone. I’m interested to see how Astoria handles Draco. I believe in her!


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by again with this awesome review! Hahaha, Draco is the nastiest bit of pureblood out there, isn't he? I liked writing him though and poor Astoria indeed.

Emily would probably kill someone for Astoria (There's a pun in there somewhere) and she would toss aside her reputation in a heartbeat. Hahahahaha. Well, Emily is a Greengrass through and through, she knows what they need and puts that over say, having a soul.

Blaise is a gentleman. He's fantastic.

Daphne was not killed, don't you worry about that! Hahahaha. It does make you wonder what that might mean though...doesn't it? >:)

Scorpious and Emily have a rather interesting view on purebloods. Their parents raised them to hate them, obviously but I've seen a lot of people in RL who hate their own race and sort of played off of that there.

The skin-crawly tone only gets worse as you read! I hope you stick around for more!

Much love,


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Review #36, by Penelope Inkwell Half and Half

17th September 2014:
So, first of all, woah. I love seeing different portrayals of Astoria, because they’re pretty rare, and this one certainly looks to be interesting. You have an incredible way of creating the feel of the chapter. I could really feel that sense of just...sickly opulence. It was like Edgar Allen Poe. I just imagined all these people at this glittering party, but somehow everything is just gross and twisted and wrong. You really did a wonderful job of creating that sensation of a hideous masquerade. I wouldn’t want to be there, either! And your description of the room the school-aged kids are in--the yellow light and the opening of hell--that was just so striking. Very good work. This chapter just has what I think of as “good texture”.

Now, for a running commentary:

I am already intrigued! Why does she have her own room?

Hmm. Emily seems a bit brainwashed, but excellent for contrast. So there’s Scorpius, Emily, and Astoria. Does Daphne still exist in this story? Has something happened to her? Is that one of the many family secrets?!

“And the children can relax and chat,”--snort. Yeah. This seems like a chill sort of crowd, right?

I love your description of the pureblood boys as, “looking dark and sickly.”

Astoria is a half-blood? OH MY GOSH THE SCANDAL!!!
...possibly I’ve been a Slytherin for too long.

Clearly Astoria and Scorpius are brothers/sisters-at-arms. It sounds as though they’re the only thing keeping each other remotely sane. I love that you made Scorpius her brother’s name, so that her son will be his namesake. (But I do hope that doesn’t mean he’ll die!)

I like that Astoria is already standing up to Draco. Way to show some spunk, girl! The fact that she’s a half blood living in a pureblood world and still has so much spirit is really admirable.

Hide-and-go-seek with this lot will NOT go well, Astoria! These are not people you want to be sought by Astoria! Go back into the hallway and find anyone else to talk to, Astoria!

Oh, good, she’s not planning on being there. No doubt she’ll somehow be dragged into it, but I’m very pleased that Astoria is sensible.

Ew. Draco is just so slimy here. That must have been fun to write!

Aaaand, she’s dragged into it. Heavens, this game sounds positively debauched, especially for a girl growing up in the psuedo-1800’s! Run, Astoria, run!


Mostly it’s just general grammar stuff. There are some places where a sentence needs to be split in two, or commas need to be added--little stuff like that. I did jot down one specific thing:

"Emily liked this sort of thing, parties and dances and zoos, because that was what this was and Astoria groaned inwardly and tried to salvage the remains of her scalp. “ I think you could cut out ‘because that was what this was’. Your meaning is already clear, and the addendum makes the snarky comment sort of lose its bite. It’s a brilliant comparison, though. I like Snarky Astoria!

This is fascinating. I am just so intrigued! Great work!


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by evil twin! I'm really glad that you enjoyed this first chapter, I wasn't sure if you were going to or not. I am so glad that we found each other! :D

*Plays sexy background music*

I am going to be honest and say that I am a lover of detail. I think that I can go a bit overboard sometimes but I really love putting a reader right into the scene and making them see what I'm writing, if that makes any sense. Edgar Allen Poe, you say? Why, thank you! I had meant for Malfoy Manor to feel sort of like a circus or a ball with a dark, dreary undertone. There's something so sickening about being in a room with people with fake smiles, there's nothing more chilling to me. Well, clowns are scary too so never mind.

Astoria has her own room because of...reasons which will be made clear later on in the story. Hahahaha. This story is sort of like an AU and there is no Daphne Greengrass in this story, I didn't want to include her for some reason. I can't remember why but I think that it sort of works without another child, though there used to be four Greengrass children originally but that's another story. :D

Astoria IS a half-blood! How dare she be anything other than pure?! >:D

Ah, Scorpy. I think that a lot of people are rooting for him and Astoria in the first half of the story but he won't be the same person towards the current chapter. You might not like him so much! But here, he's supportive and kind to his baby sister and they do make a great pair. :D

Emily is a bit brainwashed but she enjoys the spotlight.

Astoria and Draco have had many encounters in the past and their relationship is far from sweet. I think that their like two cats circling one another or something, she is never going to be able to tolerate him.

Bwhahah, I have way too much fine writing Draco. I think that he's a character that has so many faces and he's just so unlikeable in this story! I can't resist the challenge!

Oh, that game. SO many people have told me that its quite scandalous of the children and well, Astoria will find her freedom. The night won't go as planned but she isn't going to be forced into something that she can't get out of. At least not right now.


Thanks for the CC's too, I'd spotted those ages ago and for some reason, have been too lazy to put up the edited chapter for this story. Hahahahha.

Much love,


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Review #37, by Infinityx Monster

14th September 2014:
Hi, here for your requested review.

I just couldn't stop reading. My eyes were glued to the screen until I completed it and I wanted to leave reviews as I read but it was too engrossing to stop.

This is like, everything I enjoy reading put together in one and I LOVE IT. Also, if you haven't noticed, it's gone straight into my favourites.

Okay, since I'm reviewing the final updated chapter, I guess I won't be able to completely touch on every single aspect so when I get the time, I'll go back and review each chapter.

You have created such a brilliant, enthralling universe here with such a deep, dark plot, and your writing style completely brings out the various moods in each situation in a really powerful way. There were so many times when my heart began racing and I just had to read on and find out what happened.

Totally love the whole Mafia type setting you've got going on with the Greengrass family. Maximus Greengrass gives me the chills and it's as though he's omnipresent, it's so creepy. Every time his character appeared, even the slightest of movements he made were filled with
so much significance, especially during the whole exchange between him and Blaise.

And BLAISE. He's just oozing with exterior calm and confidence and the way he handles Maximus is just. Wow. I was so scared that he would be cursed any second and I was kind of waiting for him to just drop dead but I'm glad that didn't happen. I knew it probably wouldn't happen in order for the plot to progress, but that didn't stop me from being terrified. Just. andepfmkm.

And Scorpious. You know, about the spelling. I get that it's a typo but I think the spelling makes a distinction between Astoria's brother and Scorpius from canon - Draco's son. I suggest you keep the spelling that way. I don't think I'll be able to think of him as 'Scorpius' because the entire personality is formed and now there's an identity to 'Scorpious', if you know what I mean.

Coming to his characterization. There's something about him that keeps me at the edge of my seat. Until the whole incident at Knockturn Alley, he seemed like quite a rational person who cared about what Astoria's wishes were, and he was just endearing in a way. And the other side to him, the mad one. That gave me thrills. You wrote that scene so brilliantly that I was put in a kind of scenario where I could visualize the expression on his face and the extent of his anger clearly. You really have a knack for writing action scenes. And when Scorpious finally showed his tears when Astoria was leaving...that broke me. I really hope there's some way of making him understand Astoria's position because she needs as much support as she can get right now.

Emily on the other hand. I don't really like her much. She seems really overbearing and egotistic and it's sad the way she doesn't really have a mind of her own because of her fear of her dad. But she's also quite intriguing. She does kind of understand that she's being controlled but she's fine with it. I am SO curious to know exactly how Leo died. It's obvious that Maximus killed him or had him killed and I'm trying to piece the various details together but I need MORE. :D

Draco Malfoy makes me want to throw up. He's such a slime ball in this and I hate how he has such pure lust towards Astoria. The amount of mental scarring she must have with his hands and mouth all over her whenever he sees her...it's just horrifying. I'm also really curious to see whether you'll follow canon and have Draco end up with Astoria or whether you'll break away from that.


So, I'm guessing that Astoria has to give in to Draco's advances? That's probably the condition her father gave her? I'm not to sure because she was fighting him off quite vehemently in this chapter so I'm DYING to know what happens.

The plot so far has been AMAZING and I can sense that there'll be a lot of twists coming up. I really love how you've tied this in with canon. The appearance of Ginny and Neville was a lovely surprise and I'm really impressed by your writing.

I noticed a lot of misplaced apostrophes throughout the chapters though, like when they're used for plural words. I suggest you go through them or have someone look over the chapters because, at least for me, they were quite distracting and I wouldn't want the flow in such a great plot disrupted because of such errors.

I am so curious about the engagement rings as well. There has GOT to be a catch. I refuse to believe that they are a harmless gift. Nuh uh. Not from Maximus.

And I NEED to know Astoria's background. I am so confused there because I wasn't able to completely understand how she ended up in the family even though there's some mention about it in the initial chapters. What could be so extreme about it that knowing it would scare Blaise away? :o

I'm sorry for such a rambling review but I just read all the chapters at a stretch and my head is reeling from the intensity of every scene. Love this. Thank you for requesting, I'm so glad I read this.



Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks a lot for leaving me this really amazing, monstrous review. I've been trying to find the time to answer this for a few weeks now and I'm finally going to crack down and do it!

I apologize in advance if I don't touch on everything you talked about! D':

I'm so happy that you enjoyed this story so much, it really means a lot to me. I have been writing this for a little over two years now, I think and it's only just now getting noticed. I was starting to think that maybe I had pushed myself a little too far with my plot but you've made me feel a lot better about it.

This is one of my more darker stories when it comes to tone though so I have to really get into the zone. Whenever I write Maximus, I have to really stop myself from shuddering, he's such a nasty character but he's kind of like a ghost. He can be everywhere and nowhere at once.

Blaise may come to regret testing him though and I'm really glad that you like him as well, girls love that guy. Hahahha.

I'm really relieved about how you feel about Scorpious too. I feel that the more I wrote him, he became more MINE and I didn't think that I would be able to write him any other way. I can't change his name because then he would be a completely different person to me and it wouldn't feel right.

A lot of people have commented on the fact that Scorpious changes so much during this story. I wanted to show that things could change without warning and that madness was something that ran in the Greengrass family as closely as secrets. It was hard writing him hurting Astoria though and it was even harder for me to get him to a point where his madness truly took over. BUT it was obvious when she left home that he did still love her and I don't thin that he'll ever be able NOT to. I'm not sure if he'll ever accept what she's done though but he'd kill for her, that's for sure.

Emily is not a favorite for many but I thought that she would have been an interesting contrast for Astoria. I thought that she would be the final product of a life that their father wanted and well, it sort of ruined her in some way.

Leo's death is a fishy mystery that I'm going to clear up in a few chapters. I don't want to keep you guys guessing on that one too much but yes, Maximus either had him killed or killed him.

Draco will continue to be a sleaze, trust me. I can't imagine the kind of horror that Astoria has gone through, dealing with him for so long.


Ah, Astoria doesn't have to give in to Draco, her father is after blood. >:)

I'm trying to show more canon characters as this goes on. Now that they're at Hogwarts, they're going to be surrounded by people you all recognize so I'm hoping that goes well.

Hahah, you're the only one who has picked up that thing about the engagement rings. It's not at all what it appears. Hehehehehe.

Astoria's background will be made clear soon, I'm hoping to get to that before chapter thirty.

Thank you SO much for the review and I promise, I'll be stuffing another chapter into the queue as soon as I update my other stories. Hahahhaha.

Much love,


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Review #38, by Xavier Kadmiel Half and Half

4th August 2014:
I thoroughly enjoyed this. Although I was not entirely familiar with all the characters beforehand, this made me feel like I could identify them with no problem now. I especially love the characterization of Historia, you can really identify with her plight. The only problem I encountered while reading was sometimes not recognizing which characters were speaking at a moment. But that could simply be my inability to juggle multiple characters at once with my mind processing lol. Overall, its a really well written first chapter, its inviting and leaves me wanting to find out what happens next.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for taking the time to stop by and leave me a review, buddy! Its a shame that you're not very familiar with the HP universe and I suggest you get on that right away before I cast you in the fire! Hahah.

Astoria, not "Historia" my friend and yes, I think that I put in a sense of doom with her fairly well. You can obviously sense that things aren't going to go very well for her and I like that you were able to keep reading! I know that its kind of hard to figure out who's speaking sometimes and I have to go back and edit that at some point but thanks for pointing that out to me!

I hope I see you again!

Much love,


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Review #39, by CassiePotter Turmoil

13th May 2014:
I wasn't expecting this chapter to go the way it did! Astoria is such a fighter that I never thought she'd consider giving Malfoy what she wants! But he knows where her weaknesses are, and he knows exactly what to say to get to her and it kills me! Can't Blaise just regain consciousness and go beat Malfoy up and sweep Stori off her feet?
I just can't believe how far Malfoy is willing to go to get Stori. You did a brilliant job showing his obsession with her. I could tell that for him it seems like his fascination with her is almost out of his control and he can't not go after her every time he gets the chance. I also felt how afraid Stori was and honestly this whole chapter just gave me goosebumps!
This story is so fantastic and I can't wait for more! Also, there's a new chapter of ASOS waiting for you! :) 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm so sorry that it took so long for me to review for you but here I am! Its always lovely getting your reviews for this story, I hardly ever hear from any other readers so its always nice knowing what you think! This was the chapter that took me FOREVER to write, I had no idea how it was going to turn out and I'd worked through about three other versions of it without really getting what I needed. In the end, this turned out way better than I thought. Thank goodness.
Astoria will fight until she has no breath left and you know how much her freedom means to her but Malfoy knows her just as well as Blaise to some extent. He knows how to push her buttons and he knows that she has no other option but to do as he says.
Ah, the next chapter will give you the action you want! Blaise will be back and things will get so dramatic and bloody that I can hardly stop myself from giggling. Hehehe.
You have been warned.
Draco was a hard character to get back into, I hadn't written him for nearly six-seven chapters and it took a long time to get back into his mind. I'm glad that it worked though but his obsession with her will be something that proves to be his downfall.
I'm working on the next chapter so I hope you'll be patient and wait for it! :D
I left a review for ASOS so you can hop on over and check that out! :D

Much love,


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Review #40, by CassiePotter Secrets

8th February 2014:
This chapter... And the end... Blaise... Stori... Maximus... the end with Draco.
Wen this chapter started out I honestly had no idea where you were going to take things, and Stori's father just continued to make me feel so awful! He does so many horrible things with no mercy whatsoever, and I don't understand how he can be so cruel while being so nonchalant about it! And Scorpious isn't any better! The change between how he was at the beginning of this story and how he is now just makes me really horrified! It shows how much control Maximus really has over his wife and children, which is terrifying! I'm so impressed the Stori had the courage to leave when she knows how much her father is capable of!
Then when she and Blaise got to Hogwarts, and he was being so charming and cute and I LOVED it, I thought they were finally going to get some peace! I was curious to see how Draco would come back into the story, but I never expected what actually happened! I thought it was going to be at least a day later, when Stori was alone. I never thought he would attack Blaise and actually drag her out of there!
Speaking of which, OH MY GOSH. I'm really scared for Stori right now, because I don't think Draco understands the concept of "too far." Plus, they were on their way to her private dorm, so there probably aren't going to be a lot of people around, and Draco just covered her mouth so she can't scream, and BLAISE IS UNCONSCIOUS. You have just made me melt into a nervous little puddle of feels!
I can't wait for you to update this story after that cliffhanger, and I hope it won't be too long until I get a new chapter to devour! This story is incredible, and I can't believe how often you keep surprising me while I read it! Just when I think things can't get any worse for poor Astoria, they do! I need more to read!!! Wonderful writing, as always! Please update this as soon as you can! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I am so sorry that I'm just now getting back to this review. I've been really busy and things have been crazy lately but here I am and this is about to get intense! Hahahahaha.
This chapter too me forever to write, I went through a lot of different versions before I was finally able to get this right. Maximus is just the worst but what's sad is that Scorpious is sort of turning into his father and that was so awful for me to write, especially since he's so consumed with rage.
Stori had to get out of there or else she would have been completely devoured by the insanity that was in that house and I'm glad that she finally got out of there too. I had been wanting to get them out of the house for a while but hadn't quite managed to do it right. I'm glad that it worked out. D':
Oh, Blaise! Isn't he just the most perfectly acharming person in the world? I love him to death. But right as you thought that they might get some peace, things just get worse for them! Muahahahahahaha.
Draco has been going through his own sort of insanity and in the next chapter, he really does show what he's capable of. I hope you won't be too scared...he's just going to be a little naughty, though that could mean all sorts of things with him. >:D
Blaise is unconscious and that means that Astoria is in some serious trouble! How will she get out of this?! Hahahahha. I'm sorry that you turned into a puddle of feels but I was sort of surprised that I was still able to breathe after it was over. HAHAH.
This chapter...the feels...
Anyhoo, I'll be updating this pretty soon so I hope you stay tuned and patient!
Thanks so much, as always!
Much love,

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Review #41, by jazz16 Sibling

12th January 2014:
I really love how angsty your stories are :) I really like how Astoria is portrayed in these stories but I have to ask...are Astoria & Blaise together forever now? I really like Draco/Astoria but I admit, he is a complete jerk. Great job, I really enjoy all your stories!

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there newbie! Its great that you've stopped by to check out all of my stories and feel free to leave me a thousand reviews and junk. That would make me happy! DO IT.
All joking aside, Astoria and Blaise are together now and forever and ever sounds really great but then again...there's Draco Malfoy to deal with and yes, he's a major prat! But just wait until what he does later and you might just want to beat me up. HAHAHHAAHAHA.
Much love,

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Review #42, by CassiePotter Sibling

17th December 2013:
Hi Gabbie!
Oh my goodness. I absolutely adore this story. It is so wonderfully written! I can't get enough of it (not just because I LOVE Blastoria :D), and I'm so excited to see where it goes from here!
I got chills through probably this entire chapter. The beginning with Scorpious was amazing, and the change from how he was in the first few chapters to how he is now is mind-boggling! He was so sweet and caring when we first met him, and now he seems like a completely different person! It really shows what being a part of the Greengrass family can do to someone, and I'm happy that Astoria is trying to get out of there before she's totally stuck!
Then there's Maximus... He is so terrifying. The way that he always keeps this cool composure while toying with the idea of killing people is so scary! You've created such a layered character through that, because we're never really able to tell what he's thinking, and he can say one thing but mean something else entirely! It's a good thing he and Rowena never met... Imagine how scary that couple would be!
I love, love, loved the end of this chapter! The moving engagement rings were a bit unsettling, but it was the moment after that that's sticking with me! We got the reminder that Malfoy is still very much a part of Astoria's life, and I'm really nervous about what will happen when she goes back to Hogwarts! (I have to be honest, I'm also kind of excited just because I love the way you write Draco)
This chapter was really incredible. Your characters are fabulous and the plot always keeps me guessing! I can't wait for the next chapter! I think ASOS is up next for me... I'll let you know when I figure that out! Haha. 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: HellO!

I'm glad to see you again and its so great to see that you're still in love with the story, it means a lot to me! Scorpious goes through the most changes aside from Astoria in this story and it was really hard to write for a while because I'd loved his character so much in the beginning. Watching him become slowly more like their father just gives me the chills!
Astoria is trying to get out as soon as she can but there's still so much that she can't let go of, her love for her siblings and mother will be something that she won't be able to forget.
Maximus Greengrass is perhaps the most terrifying character I have right now. I mean, I really have to get into the zone when I'm writing him and its a lot tougher than you might think! Technically, he would be considered a sociopath if you wanted to get a name for why he's so calm and controlled about what he does. There's no real warmth in people like that and its great to write but I sort of have to take a deep breath after writing his scenes.
You'll never be able to tell what he's thinking and it only gets worse from here...
God, he and Rowena would probably be best friends! How horrifying is that?!!
The moving engagement rings will play a bigger part at some point but oh, dear! That ending...Mr. Draco Malfoy is getting ready to show up again and I can't wait to see what you'll think about him! God, I've missed writing him...hehehehe.
Thank you SO much for the compliment my dear and I hope I see you around! Albus, Audrey and Abandon are all up so you have plenty to read until we're able to update again!
Much love,

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Review #43, by CassiePotter Bound

19th September 2013:
Oh my goodness. That chapter... What can I even say? I'm speechless!!!
Ok, after taking a few moments to collect myself, and can actually form words, OH MY MERLIN GABBIE. THAT WAS INCREDIBLE. SO MANY FEELS.
YOU DEDICATED THIS CHAPTER TO ME? Gabbie! You're so sweet! I'm already a little pile of feels!
BLASTORIA BLASTORIA BLASTORIA! I knew they would happen! I knew it, I knew it! And I'm so happy that they're finally together and that they're getting married and they're so cute and Blaise is amazing and Astoria is fantastic and I love them both. I just can't believe they're actually getting MARRIED.
BUT WHAT ABOUT MALFOY? He's not going to be happy about that! He's still lurking about somewhere... I'm really nervous about that!
And Maximus Greengrass might be the most infuriating father ever. He's so, so much worse than Dezzy's dad. He just makes me really angry and really creeped out at the same time! You've made a ton of really bold character choices with him, and they've made his character so, so prominent, even when he's not physically in a scene. It's like he said- HE'S ALWAYS WATCHING. which is so, so scary!
And Scoripous is terrifying, too! I loved his character so much at the beginning of the story, and then he changed and got all mean and scary and I just want him to go back to being nice! I was honestly shocked at some of the things he had the nerve to say to his sister! My jaw dropped!
I think I can forgive Emily a little, because she seems more afraid than anything, and she's almost what Stori could have turned into if she had gotten sucked into the family business, so it's really fascinating to see them together now that Stori is openly defying her family.
I'm just so happy they're getting married!!! BLASTORIA.
This story just plays with my emotions! I'm all over the place while I'm reading it! I'm so happy and creeped out and nervous and sad and angry all at the same time and it's crazy! You have some serious talent as a writer to be able to do that!
This chapter was phenomenal, and I'm so happy you told me it was up so I could come read it! I'm in a bit of a writing slump at the moment, but as soon as something's up for you, I'll let you know!
Incredible job, as usual! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

*Blush* Cassie, I will never get tired of your reviews, they really do make my like, entire week. Hahahh. This chapter took me AGES to write properly, and nothing I did for it worked out, I had to change the entire setting to get it right.
I think this entire story could be dedicated to you, honestly, since you've read it so much and have been pretty much my only reviewer. Hahahha.
Blastoria does happen finally! I was blushing so much while writing that scene but it turned out so much better than I thought it would, thank goodness. I was sort of afraid that I'd messed up...
Ah, Malfoy. We'll be seeing our dearly beloved Draco very soon actually and he's not going to be very happy. Let's just say he's going to take bullying to a whole new level.
Maximus Greengrass is the scariest person in the world for me to write. He's very complex and getting into the head of someone like that is really difficult but I based his character on alot of mob bosses I saw on TV.
He has a way of seeping into your skin that's really unnerving! D':
Oh, Scorpy. I had so much trouble writing this scene because I love him so much but at the same time, he is a product of lies and fear. Astoria is betraying not only their family but the image he had always had of her, which I'll get into later. I want him to get nice again too but at the moment I don't think he can, he sort of has too much hate in his heart. Poor thing.
I think Emily would be like the future Astoria! I had never even thought of it that way, to be honest...but that's such a good comparison!
I think Emily and Astoria have more of a mother/daughter relationship, its not so much sisterly and it breaks me up having to write them growing apart.
Whoo! Blastoria!
I'm sorry I mess up your emotions but trust me, the pain has barely begun! Oh, them feels! Hahahahaha.
OH, stop complimenting me..my head is swelling dangerously.
Thanks so much for the lovely review, as always, they mean a TON to me. But I hope you post more stories up for me, I just haven't had time to really read or get online at the moment. D':
Albus is going to be up and Audrey is waiting for you and speaking of feels...be careful with that one. HAHAHAHA.
Thanks again,

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Review #44, by AlmostInvisible  Bound

18th September 2013:
I've never really been much of a shipper, especially uncanon ships, and neither have I ever been one for Hogwarts Era fics but this story has given me a new look on things.
You characterization is amazing, the characters themselves seem so real, it's awesome. You have made something great. It's a real shame that some people haven't read this fic because they are missing out on an adventure.
Thank you and update soonly. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

*Blush* Well, this is a really great surprise! Its nice to meet you, I'm Gabbie! Gosh, for a while I was thinking that no one was really reading this fanfic because there hasn't been a lot of reviews for it in a long time but this just made me so happy. I could almost cry! D':
Bwhaha, I have an idea for what happens next but a certain blonde boy is going to get in the way. Hehehehe.
You know, I haven't been much of a shipper myself but I LOVE George/Angelina and made two stories with them on my page because they're my bias. Hahahaha.
I'm really glad that you like this story, it really means a lot that I've switched you over or helped you get into something you'd never really liked before. Or something? Hahah.
Oh, stop. These characters are so HARD to write for, trust me...this chapter did NOT come to me easily. I cried and ate a lot of chocolate writing this one and thank Merlin it turned out all right in the end. Phew!
I think there are so many fics out there that mine sort of gets pushed aside but I'm grateful for every review or read I get, it makes me feel really honored. :)
Thanks so much for your review!
Much love,

P.S.: I have no internet at home so updates will be really slow and I have five other stories that need updates too...so its gonna be awhile. D':

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Review #45, by CassiePotter Denial

21st July 2013:
GABBIE THIS WAS INCREDIBLE. I can't stand ASTORIA'S family, though! They're so awful, it really just makes me want to go and pull Stori and Blaise out of there so they'll be safe!
Speaking of Stori and Blaise, I JUST HAD SO MANY FEELINGS READING THEM TOGETHER IN THIS CHAPTER. BLASTORIA NEEDS TO HAPPEN. It's kind of ironic that she really realizes her feelings for him now after she's made that agreement with her father. Hopefully she can get out of it! But will she really marry Blaise??? I wasn't expecting that at all! Especially because they're so young!

"Astoria had to bow her head, feeling the ugly emotion pulsing in her blood with a sadness that made her fingers shake...Blaise wasn't doing this because he loved her."

Please don't let this be true! You're so good at portraying all of Stori's emotions that sometimes I can't tell if he really does love her or not! I want him to so badly, but I also can't help but believe everything Stori says... Why do you have to go and mess with my emotions like this? ;)
I was also really worried that Astoria's mother and sister were going to hurt Blaise or even Stori! The Greengrass family is just so scary! I don't blame Stori for wanting to get out of there!
I hope she says yes to Blaise, but I really can't tell if she will or not! I know everything's not going to work out for her, though... You're just too good at torturing your characters! And there's still Malfoy to worry about...
I can't wait for more of your wonderful work to read! It was so nice to see my dear Blaise again, too! I'm updating TFD next, but since I've been so busy lately, I haven't had much time to work on it. Hopefully I can get it up soon, though! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there, sorry that its taken me so long to get back at you! Thanks for coming back to this, you're the best reviewer in the world you know! ;)
The Greengrass family will continue to be terrible, there's really no helping it! I think with them, all of their secrets are at a risk of being brought into light and they're not sure how to cover it up and the cracks are starting to show.
Astoria still doesnt' want to admit that she's in love with Blaise even though she sort of accepted it in this chapter. Part of the issue is with what she had to do in order to protect him and yet...Blastoria is so lovely. I swear I got all mushy writing theri scenes and who doesn't like reading about Blaise? *Squeals*
I knew the proposal would throw you off! I think its going to play a major role in how their relationship plays out and the fact that you're not sure about Blaise's feelings really just makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Bwhaha, the mystery of Blaise...I can't really tell if he loves her or not sometimes through Astoria's eyes but the truth will reveal itself sooner or later. I'm evil and like torturing you, I think its so funny imagining what your face looks like as you read this story. >:D
When I wrote that scene with Emily and their mother, I wasn't sure what was going to happen to be honest. Tempers were flying in all directions and I was like, "God, I hope they don't draw wands..." LOL
Astoria and Blaise need to have a slight talk in the next chapter and then there is that Malfoy boy we have to worry about. I sure do have some evil plans for all three of these characters...mwhahahahahahaha.
I hope you get some time to update your stories soon! I don't have internet for a while so I won't be able to update my work as regularly as I'd like.
Expect Albus soon though! :D
Thanks again!
Much love,

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Review #46, by LilyLou Purebloods

4th July 2013:
LilyLou here with your Requested Review!

Okay, major points!

-You're thoroughly descriptive. You add a lot of details about everything, giving your story more depth and length. You create a picture in my mind; as if I were really there, as Astoria. The imagery is amazing in this story.

-You tend to write run-on sentences. If there's one thing you seem to love, it's the word AND. You use it quite often, and while it's okay in some places, of course, if overused, it can make your writing look poor. You're an amazing writer, as I said in my last point with how detailed you are, but maybe if you would cut down on the ands, it would be a little better! In my eyes, anyways. Some may disagree.

-I do love the relationship between Scorpious and Astoria. They take the same view on the purebloods as well as many other things. They share a very good sibling relationship! Well done writing that, it can be a bit difficult to stick with.

-Just a warning, though I'm sure that this has been pointed out, some people are not the biggest fan of the whole "Killing Myself" attitude you've placed on Astoria, and it seems Blaise has that as well. I don't have a problem with it at all, but some may. I think that it helps you see how she truly hates her way of life, and maybe Blaise does as well.

-Though you write him with amazing technique, I have to say I don't like Draco's character. I don't see him being so... forceful. That's totally my opinion, and while I see many purebloods in this way, such as Rabastan Lestrange and Crabbe, I just don't see Draco like that. Just my opinion!

Your story looks really good, and I hope this helps with whatever questions you had!

Keep writing!


Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by with this review so quickly, its always a nice surprise! :D
Bwha, thanks for the compliment on detail, I always think I put in too much but I can hardly help myself, I really just like making sure the scene is described well enough so that the readers can follow along without any problems. And its always better if you can sit there and be completely engrossed in the backgrounds and characters.
Oh, I've got this horrible thing with run on sentences and especially for the beginning of this story in particular. I'll have to go through and fix those, I've just been so busy that I haven't had time to get that done but I will sooner or later.
Scorpious and Astoria have a very good relationship right NOW hahaha but they do agree on alot of things that their family might not approve of. I don't have an older brother so if I did, I'd want him to be as funny and overprotective as Scorpious and sort of made him out to be what I'd always wanted. And plus, its always fun having siblings argue for me in a story so I made sure that they got along first before going into all of that.
I haven't gotten any comments on Astoria's "killing myself" attitude, other than that its sort of funny and relatable. I do understand what you mean but she isn't at all serious, just being moody and sort of a brat when she's thinking like this. Being in the room with purebloods doesn't help matters.
You're not supposed to like Draco at all! Hahaha. He's not the hero of this story and I don't want you falling in love with him! Hahhaa. I think of him more as a bully that wants what he wants when he wants it so I picture him using more force. I always have so I don't really know why...but anyhoo, that's just me! :D
Thanks for coming and feel free to stop by again!
Much love,

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Review #47, by marauderfan Half and Half

4th July 2013:
Hello! Here with your requested review!

First of all, your descriptions are quite good. You've very accurately portrayed the stuffy pureblood clique and the Malfoys' fancy manor, and all the antiquated traditions Astoria is forced to adhere to and hates (like being married off early as if it's the 1800s.)

I appreciated Astoria's distaste for it all - her sarcasm is really fun to read! I think its nice how she and her siblings are all kind of on the same page as far as hating the superficial pureblood gatherings, too. (Speaking of her siblings, you mention that Astoria is the only half blood in the house, what about her brother and sister? Are they her half siblings?)

There are a couple of things you could do with your sentence structure that I think will help the story flow better. First of all some of your sentences run-on a bit, they seem like separate thoughts connected by an "and", for example:

"Will you stay with me and spare me the horror of being alone with Malfoy and his nasty little friends? His ego can grow so big that we'd suffocate." Astoria said and her older brother laughed and she asked slyly, "or are you going to see your girlfriend?"

I don't think the two bits of dialogue need to be in the same sentence. You could try something like this: "...we'd suffocate," Astoria said, and her older brother laughed. She asked slyly, "Or are you going to see your girlfriend?"

Another thing you could work on is maybe clarifying some of the subjects/objects. This paragraph in particular I had to read a couple of times to figure out who the word "she" is referring to - Astoria or Samantha Travers:

Travers... Astoria thought with disgust. That was a name that she had heard quite often from her fathers' contacts, her father was a Death Eater and had had a nasty habit of murdering his wives shortly after they were married to get his claws on their dowry.

Hopefully I'm not coming across as too mean or picky! ;) Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by with your review, its always nice to get one and so soon too! You're way better than I am when it comes to this stuff, i'm always at least a week late because I'm so busy. :p
Anyhoo, thanks for the compliments! I tried to make this story as detailed as possible so that when you're all reading this, you don't feel as if you can't follow along. And details are great, you're able to set up a scene much better that way if you give alot of information here and there.
As for Astoria's distaste for the life, I had never pictured her as enjoying it. And her sarcasm his hilarious to write so adding that in was just really fun! Her siblings have their own views on it though, her brother is just as disgusted by it as she is and their sister rather likes the idea. Hahahah. As for her being the only half blood, that's only one in many mysteries when it comes to this story. You'd have to keep reading to figure it all out, nothing is what it seems! :D
I know all about my run-on sentences and some paragraphs do need to be corrected, I just haven't had a chance to get to it. Real life sucks! >:(
But I'll get to those eventually.
Anyway, thanks for coming to this and this story is about 18 chapters long, I have no plans in stopping anytime soon! :D
Much love,

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Review #48, by CambAngst Purebloods

4th May 2013:
Hi, Gabbie!

Such a tense (intense?) chapter! The existential angst was just dripping from every pore on Astoria's body in this one. She seemed to wander back and forth between angry and horrified, with a lot of misery thrown in for good measure. The physical description of her fainting was really well done, I thought, and it went a long way toward showing just how disgusted she feels at Draco and all of his pureblood friends.

Kudos for keeping all of your point of view changes correct. I doubt it was the easiest thing to do with so many substantial characters all vying for attention in this one.

The dynamic between Draco and Blaise was fascinating. Zabini comes off as quite the gentleman in this chapter, but Draco seems to fear him a bit. All of the others do, actually. I'm curious to find out why that is, since he's rarely portrayed as being powerful or menacing.

Astoria's brother seems solidly on her side, but it's a little harder to figure out her sister. Maybe it's just that her sister is older, or the fact that her sister's social aims are rather different from Scorpius and Astoria. Emily obviously adores Astoria and is very protective of her, but the things she wants for Astoria don't seem to be the same things that Astoria wants for herself.

You've really got me going now, trying to figure out what this Greengrass family business is all about. If her father is soliciting business from Lucius Malfoy during the Dark Lord's second rise to power, that suggests that it's not entirely wholesome. This private dormitory of Astoria's also suggests that her family either has some lingering influence at Hogwarts or holds some dark secrets, one or the other.

The final encounter between Draco and Astoria capped off a very tense chapter with some real intensity. The contrast between the disdain Astoria feels for Draco and her physical reactions to his advances couldn't be much stronger. Her body is betraying her in a thousand little ways. Draco comes off like a **massive** creeper in this, but he's also clearly so fascinated with Astoria that he's willing to associate with a girl that his parents would see as completely beneath him. That makes it pretty obvious that his interest in her is more than just physical. He can't comprehend the fact that she rejects his advances, and it makes him want her that much more. I have to imagine that fireworks are going to ensue once they return to Hogwarts...

I only had one substantial critique of your writing, and it's the fact that sometimes it was a little challenging to keep track of who was doing of saying what because of all the "he's" and "she's" involved. The scene in Draco's salon was a good example. At one point you have three distinct "he's" -- Draco, Zabini and Scorpius -- and two distinct "she's" -- Astoria and Emily -- and you're occasionally mixing and matching which person the pronouns are referring to in the same sentence. It's something you'll want to watch closely with that many characters in the room at the same time.

Aside from that, your writing was lovely. Once I got into the final section with Draco and Astoria, the story was barreling downhill to the end. Nicely done!

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there, I'm sorry that its taken so long for me to get back to you. I've been really busy with boring real life issues and well, that sucks but now I have enough time. So, this of course is a monster of a review and its going to take me a minute to answer! I'm going to apologize beforehand if I can't respond back to everything that you've said. D':
I think with Astoria fainting I had hinted at it in the previous chapter with her corset being too tight and the effects of all that. It wasn't just her nerves getting to her after a while but it was a scene that I liked doing!
But I think anyone would have been disgusted to be around Draco and his friends after a while.
When it came to the different and various POVs and characters, I sort of died a little, it was really difficult to get that part right. I rewrote it quite a bit! :D
It was horrible! :D
The dynamics between Draco and Blaise was really something I wanted to show. There's alot of mystery around Blaise himself and perhaps some actual fear from Draco and the others too.
He's not quite "normal" by their standards, but you'd have to keep reading to find out all about that.
Anyway, when it comes to the siblings and Astoria, you are correct when it comes to Emily and her reactions to what's going on. Her desires are very different so she can't quite understand her sister or brother very well but she'd never turn her back on them precisely.
Bwhaha, the Greengrass Family Secret will come into play later on, I promise. Actually, by chapter five or six you should pretty much have a guess of what it is.
Its not anything pretty either and of course, her father trying to go into business with Lucius Malfoy is a huge tip off. But things don't exactly go as planned at this dinner party, hehehehe. Also, with Astoria having her own dorm, there are daker reasons behind it and I hope you have fun guessing what they are. :D
Ah, the final encounter between lovely Draco adn my hissing Astoria! That's one of my favorite scenes in this story actually, just because it really plays on what you can't control and what society expects.
Astoria may hate Draco but her body doesn't exactly know what to do and of course, he's pretty skilled at what he does. ;)
Bwhaha, you think Draco is a creeper now? Just wait until later on! It gets worse and I think his desire for Astoria causes him to make risks that he would have never considered before. It makes him very dangerous.
And he's an arrogant bloke, I think. A girl beneath him telling him no? How can he stay away? Its like the ultimate test!
But if I were a guy, I'd leave Astoria alone, she's kind of scary. :D
Argh! I know just what you mean by all the mistakes you mentioned towards the end of this. I'd been meaning to clean this story up alot but haven't gotten around to it, but thanks for pointing it out! You've saved me a ton of trouble. D':
Anyhoo, thanks for coming back to this! I really can't wait to get back into Detox and oh, there's another Draco Malfoy one-shot on my page that you might or might not want to read. You've been warned. Hahahaha.
You're a dear and I'll hopefully be stalking your work pretty soon!
Thanks again!
Much love,

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Review #49, by CassiePotter Bargains

9th March 2013:
Astoria's father is really scary!!! I don't know how you manage to write him so well, because his character is so layers and mysterious and tricky, but he gave me chills! I don't know how someone could be that cruel to their own daughter! He makes Dezzy's father look lovely! Their conversation was terrifying, because he was just so nonchalant about what was going to happen to her, and I thought for a moment that he would kill either Stori or Blaise, just to spite her! I'm really glad he didn't hurt Stori, but I can't say the same thing for Blaise yet, and that makes me really nervous!!!
And whatever she agreed to... I have a sneaking suspicion it has to do with Draco and that also makes me nervous! She's going to have him to deal with when she goes back to school...
You were so sweet for dedicating this chapter to me! Good luck with everything during your hiatus, and I hope to hear from you every once and a while if you can ever get back to the forums or the archives! Your writing is fabulous, and you've been so wonderful as the only person on here to review everything I've written! I'll really miss you my dear! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello! D':

Waagh, Cassie this is the last review that I might get from you and it makes me really sad, I'm going to miss you!
I'm really glad that you enjoyed this chapter, it took me ages to write it. I think I went through at least five or six different versions of this and none of them stuck. One draft was even of Astoria confessing to all her secrets to a half naked Blaise! You can only imagine how that one didn't work out...
Maximus Greengrass is perhaps the hardest character to write. I didn't want to write him as overly cruel so I settled on something more calculating and subtle. He did turn out to be really scary though and I had to pause every so often because he's just so complex! I think he looks at all of his children as a business arrangement, he's always one step ahead of each of them and its sort of creepy.
I think Astoria would switch places with Dezzy in a heartbeat. Hahahaa. Oh, yes, their conversation was horrible but it was the easiest part of this chapter to write because I'd already had it in my mind for months. It felt great to finally let it out! :D
You weren't really sure what he was going to do since he appeared so casual and at ease and I think that's what disturbed me the most. A very awful person can sit there and bargain, threaten and hurt their own child you know. D':
I do believe that Maximus wanted to hurt Astoria but she was able to show no fear and bargain with him. Plus, there's something from her that he needs done and as for Blaise, well, he has plans for him too. D':
Bwhaha, whatever Astoria agreed to is foul indeed and most likely does involve Draco, it is not going to be pleasant when she gets back to school. >:D
So much Blastoria! I was saving that last little section for you! I knew that you would love that and went, "Yep. Cassie Potter will really enjoy this!" and I'm glad that you did. :D
I would dedicate the entire story to you since you're literally the only constant reviewer I have for this story! Hahahhaa.
I will be popping back as much as I can during my hiatus and I hope to keep updating for you!
I'm going to miss all of your stories, I think you're a fabulous writer. :) Never stop doing it!
Thank you so much for being so kind and reading all of my stories, it means so much.
I think there's a Draco Malfoy one-shot that's just begging for some love. ;)
Much love,

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Review #50, by patronus_charm Risks

2nd March 2013:
Hi Gabbie! I’m here with your review!

So Astoria and Blaise are off to London then? I liked that mention about her not knowing what all these strange muggle things are, it just made me laugh for some reason, and you really caught the hustle and bustle of London well.

It was nice to be out in Diagon Alley, as so far the story has been confined to people’s houses, so it felt almost strange to be venturing out into daylight. I liked how you wrote about the darkness there though, as it seemed really accurate, and you could sense how they would be fearing the death eaters where ever they walked.

Haha poor Astoria! I was almost as shocked as she was when Blaise said she was his fiancée! That was rather unexpected, but I guess Tom would have been suspicious if they had asked for a room otherwise. I liked Tom’s appearance’s it seemed very in character, and very him.

Blaise seemed to have her character down well though. It is a trait of hers to go running away from her problems, and it’s probably due to her being naïve, so it was interesting to see other people recognised, and got annoyed by it too.

I liked that little scene at the end, with Astoria hugging Blaise, it was just really sweet, and it felt as if it was needed. It just seemed rather natural to me, and it was nice to see it helped reconcile them, after their fight! Ooh I forgot to say that when Blaise called her darling, that again was lovely, it just made me aw in side, as you can see that they're starting to develop feelings for each other.


Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back and indeed, Blaise and Astoria are in Muggle London, although briefly. Haha.
Astoria knows a bit about Muggle things from reading Muggle novels but not nearly enough for her to understand anything. I thought I'd play on that for a minute, it is sort of funny. :D
Yeah, I know, most of the story takes place in other people's houses and I got sick of it myself. But due to me not wanting to rush the story, I sort of just went with it but here it is, Diagon Alley at night! And later on, during the day when Blaise...well, you'll figure that out soon enough. I'm not going to spoil it for you.
Mwhahahaha. >:D
Fearing Death Eaters is the least of their worries for right now. Bwhaha, Astoria being called Blaise's fiance just about made me die laughing because I could picture her face so well! Haha, torturing her is so much fun.
Tom would have been suspicious but keep your eye on him anyway. He shows up more than once.
Blaise is a very observant person and he's been around Astoria for a few days to know her pretty well by now. Yep, Astoria does run away from her problems alot and it was a good thing that he pointed it out to her.
Astoria hugging Blaise was a major tipping point in their relationship I think. To clear the air and to also hint that they're not thinking of one another as just a friend of course.
Blaise will call her darling more than once and whisper dirty things in her ear just cause he's mean like that. :D
Thanks for this lovely review!
Much love,

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