Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.

132 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Felpata Lupin Mashed Potatoes

8th August 2015:
Hi Gabbie!
Finally here for our swap (and sorry for the lateness...)

Ahahah! I loved this chapter! So many references to canon scenes/situations/characters!!!

Scorpius and Rose's dynamics made me think about James and Lily! That comment about "going fast" definitely sounded like something James would've said!!!

I also loved Rose's vent... It was so sweet... It really made me feel bad for her...

The scene with Sally made me think about the first interactions between Harry, Ron and Hermione, instead. The way she reprimanded them for losing house points and Scorpius turned to his food in the attempt to ignore her.
Well, at least until she got straight evil, because her later comments about Scorpius being a Death Eater were nothing short from that!!! She totally deserved to have mashed potatoes dumped on her head!

Little CC here (but it might be me and my still awful English...) I couldn't really follow what you were saying in the paragraphs after Scorpius left, when Albus starts talking with Lavender. It seemed to me like there were sentences missing here and there... Try to give it a read through and see if you have the same impression. If not, then I apologize.

Anyway, I found Lavender to be a really sweet character! And I loved her back story (I'd been wondering why she had her mother's surname...)

Another lovely chapter! Thank you so much for the swap!
Much love,

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you for stopping by again! I try to sneak in a bit of canon into each chapter and even if it's just a character reusing old dialogue, I like to do it. Hahaha.

Scorpious and Rose will never get along but I don't think that they'll be like James and Lily either. I can't picture them being married. Hahahh.

Sally is the worst but I wanted to have this scene because I think that it was important to show what was on everyone's minds. Times might be different but people still have the same mentality when it comes to what they THINK they know. She deserved those mashed potatoes to the head and so much more.

Oh, the CC that you mentioned is a formatting error. It's totally my fault so don't worry about it!

Thanks for the review!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #27, by CassiePotter The Halloween Fiasco-Part 2

7th August 2015:
Hi Gabbie! I'm here for our review swap!
Oh my gosh, it's so good to be getting back into this story! I've missed Albus and Lav and Scorp! The Misfits are just as amazing as I remembered! Scorpius was so wonderfully moody, and I loved seeing Blaise again!
I really want to get some answers about who's killing Death Eater Kids and I really thought they'd find something in this chapter, but you cut it off right when the tension was really building!
I loved Scorpius and Rose's staged fight. Haha. And I thought it was absolutely hilarious when Smith ate all the trick sweets at once and turned into a giant, farting canary! That was such a hilarious mental image!
I'm really, really excited but also nervous about what the Misfits find when they get into Zabini's room. I don't think he's behind the attacks, but I hope that they at least find a clue as to who IS behind everything.
This was such a great chapter, Gabbie! I'll try and get to the next one soon!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for the review! I haven't gotten a review for this story in ages and I was worried that I might have to abandon it for a while. I missed the Misfits too and I really like that you were able to love them all over again.

Well, these last few chapters that I've posted actually have more to do with Blaise than the Death Eater murders. After that is cleared up, you'll get your answers and I hope you like what I've done! I actually hinted at alot of this story in A Wedding but I don't think many people caught on to that. Hahahaha.

The thing that's in Zabini's room will be the stuff of nightmares. I don't want to ruin it for you though!

Thanks for stopping by!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #28, by Felpata Lupin The Match

29th July 2015:
Hi, Gabbie!
As promised, I'm here! ;)

This was a funny chapter (in the beginning, at least). Albus' panic was just so adorable and hilarious! And I really loved Neville! I think you did a wonderful job with him!

Zabini is really upsetting... And Zacharias is just as unsufferable as he is in canon... Poor Albus and Scorpius... They do have a horrible luck!

Who is "him"? I'm not too sure... The only person I could think of is Lucius... But maybe I'll get some more details in later chapters...

Great job on this! Thank you for the accidental swap!

With love,

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for another great review, it really makes me happy to see someone reading this story again. It kind of fell off the planet for a while and I lost my confidence with it.

I think that writing Albus panicking is the best thing in the world. I really can't help myself and I love the mental image that comes along with it. Hahahah.

Oooh, I love Neville! He shows up quite a bit in this story for a while and I hope you continue to like him!

Zabini will get worse. >:D

Yeah, Smith is awful too but he kind of gets a rude awakening soon. Hahahaha. Albus and Scorpius have the worst kind of luck, which makes it all the more fun to come up with the next chapter.

"Him" is Lucius. You'll get more on that later, I hope you stick around to find out though!

Thanks so much!


 Report Review

Review #29, by Felpata Lupin Rose's Bargain

18th July 2015:
Hey, Gabbie!
Here for our swap, and thanks for putting up with me :P

Ok, this was absolutely hilarious! Loved it so much!!!
I think I'm in love with James, he's just so funny... A bit nasty, but funny!
ďItís a tragic love story,Ē this line just made me laugh out loud!!!

And Rose quoting her mother's revised histories... Ahahah! But I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed in her.
How did she come up with that "Let's steal the Sorting Hat" idea? Can't wait to know about the developments of it...

Someone is killing the children of the Death Eaters... Is someone trying to take revenge after the war? Or what else is going on? Is this really about vampires, or are they just simulating it?

Blaise reminds me a lot of Snape! Ahahah! Loved the scene when he hears them say that he is a vampire... Too amusing!

Wow, great chapter!
Thank you so much again for the swap!
Many hugs and much love,

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by again! I'm glad that you liked this chapter too!

James is a pretty blunt kid so I'm glad that you were able to find him funny, even if he has a bit of a bad sense of humor sometimes.

Rose evolves slowly as this story goes on, you see more of her later on. I wasn't quite sure what to do with her character but I think she's changed for the best and I hope you stick around to see. The stealing of the Hat just shows that she's just a kid too, the mistakes she'll make along with the others won't be as big but she'll still be responsible for a bit of damage.

Someone IS killing Death Eater kids! That's a bigger mystery though and I won't spoil it for you!

Blaise is modeled after Snape. Hahahaha. He has his own reasons for being so cranky though but you'd have to read on.

Thanks for stopping by!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #30, by Felpata Lupin The Sorting Hats Choice

17th July 2015:
Yes! Go, Justin! Hufflepuff 4ever!!!
Erm... Sorry... It's the HC effect, I can't help myself...

Anyway... Hello again, dear Gabbie! Here for our swap! (So I'm obliged to keep reading... Eheheh... I'm such a horrible reader and reviewer... And I suppose I also owe you an apology for the lateness...)

I enjoyed reading this chapter!
Poor Al, I can imagine his nervousness... I'm sure I would panic at the prospect of the Sorting, with all the school staring at me...
I found so cute his worry over being sorted in Slytherin. :)

Actually, I felt a bit confused by that scene. I knew he and Scorpius would both become Gryffindors (I'm sure you said it in "A wedding"), but I really believed the Hat misinterpred him and sent him in Slytherin... What happened? Did he really imagine everything?

Poor Scorpius! He doesn't deserve the treatment he's receiving! Like it is his fault Draco is his father... But he's happy about his sorting, and that's already something. :)

I liked a lot all the descriptions, the sailing through the Black Lake, the Great Hall...
McGonagall was very well portrayed, and I liked your choices for the teaching staff. It was amusing to see so many known faces.

I'm very curious to know what will happen next! I'll be back here soon (hopefully)

Thanks so much for the swap!!!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by, it's always great getting a review from you!

Albus was terrified of being sorted into Slytherin but it all turned out for the best but I'm glad that his fear came off as real for you. Hahahaha. Okay, a few people have been confused by that scene and it's meant to come across as more of a day dream. I didn't word it properly but that's what it was all about.

Scorpious doesn't deserve to be treated so badly! He's a sweet kid but his father's sins are what's really the issue here. He'll be all right though.

I tried to get as many familiar faces on the teaching staff and I'm glad that you liked it! :D

Thanks for stopping by!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #31, by Felpata Lupin On the Hogwarts Express

10th July 2015:
Hi Gabbie!
Here for our swap!
I wasn't sure what to pick, but after reading "A wedding" last time I thought I would give this a try.

And I'm happy I did! I think you set up this first chapter pretty well!

I like the characters so far. They are just like I imagine them to be.
James, the typical, annoying, teasing older brother.
Rose who, just like Hermione, is so stern and upright and a bit of a know-it-all.
And obviously Albus, with all his insecurities and his worry at not being up to the family name.

I liked their reactions at Scorpius. James' hostility was absolutely predictable. I chuckled when he told Albus that he would "tell mum and dad". It's such a childish comment, and I just loved it!
What surprised me was Rose's diffidence. I would've expected her to be a bit more open-minded. But then, again, she was raised by Ron...

It just seems natural that Albus and Scorpius linked so easily. They do have a lot in common, after all. Both feel the pressure of their parents' inheritance, even if in opposing ways. Both want to be judged for who they are, not based on who their parents are and what they did.

I like Draco's side story. Him falling in love with a Muggleborn woman and changing his beliefs and loyalties because of that. It's something I didn't expect and I found it very interesting.

Mmmh... I don't like Goyle. I already know that he's going to cause them a lot of trouble...

I liked that James and Rose came back in the end. :) Even if he isn't acting in the best of ways, it's clear that James cares a lot for his little brother and that he wants to protect him, and this is just so sweet!!!

Wondering what will happen next. Where will Albus and Scorpius be sorted? Which adventures await them?
I'll add this story to my (already worringly long) reading list. Not sure when I'll get back to it, but I will. I promise.

Thank you so much for the swap.
Much love,

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by! I'm glad that you decided to check out the original story that inspired "A Wedding!" :D

This was my first fan fic and I was trying to do what I thought would be best for each character. Some of them change over the course of the story though, like Rose's dislike of Scorpius. She still hates him but it's not because he's a Malfoy, it has more to do with the fact that he's a little jerk. Hahahaha.

I think it would be natural for Albus and Scorpius to become friends as well. They have alot of in common, especially when it comes to their families so I'm glad that that didn't feel weird. :D

Draco side-story took a lot of people for a loop! I'll be honest and say that I didn't think anyone would like it but it fit with the universe that I was slowly building. In canon, he marries Astoria Greengrass but in my world, the two of them aren't very friendly towards one another so it made more sense for him to marry Pansy and then, eventually divorce her. It kind of sucks but there you have it.

No one likes Goyle! He doesn't get any better either...

James and Rose are kind of protective of Albus so it would make a lot of sense that they would sit with him. Hahaha.

It would be great if you read the second chapter! I'm sure that you'd like it!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #32, by Infinityx On the Hogwarts Express

27th May 2015:
Hey Gabbie! Here for our swap!

Wow, that was quite an intense first chapter. There was so much going on but it didn't seem like too much. I love how you've made Albus and Scorpius alike in terms of the expectations placed on them and their fear of being sorted into Slytherin. It's nice to see that they've bonded on the train, and I loved how Albus stood up for Scorpius and believed that he'd be a nice person.

There was one thing that confused me. Since I've read that Blastoria story of yours (I forgot the name), in that, Scorpious (with the o) was her brother if I'm not mistaken. So, in the beginning, I got confused because I thought this was her brother but it obviously isn't. Did you think of changing the spelling to Scorpius to make sure people who have read your other story don't relate the two? I know that, technically, I shouldn't be forming any connections between stories but it just happens at times.

Anyway, I'm assuming that Draco's new wife is Astoria. (if you're sticking to canon.) I love how you've made her muggle born. There's nothing that says more about his changed character than him falling in love with the kind of person he used to hate. I think it's adorable that love can cause such huge changes and it's great that you brought in that bit of detail here. And Scorpious being Draco's and Pansy's son was quite surprising but I loved it! Most people tend to overlook Pansy but she was with Draco while they were at Hogwarts and there's that gap between Draco dating Pansy, and Draco marrying Astoria. I love that you've brought Pansy into this.

There were quite a few missing commas and apostrophes in this chapter. I suggest you go over it once and decide whether you want to edit those in. Personally, I find it a bit putting off when there is punctuation missing in a long chapter but I don't think a majority of readers would mind so that's up to you. :)

Ooh, little Goyle enters the picture. This is really interesting. I can sort of see a parallel between Albus-Scorpious-Goyle and Harry-Ron-Draco. I don't know if it was intentional but it certainly adds another dimension to this chapter and is a great touch!

Loved the base you've set up here and I'm excited to read more, especially since this is an Adventure-Humour story! I'll be back when I get the time! If you ever want to swap again, don't hesitate to shoot me a message. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by, I haven't gotten a review for this story in a long time so this was a nice surprise! I'd have liked to see you back on "A Force of Wills" (The Blastoria that you forgot. ;___;) but this is nice too! :D

Albus and Scorpious have a lot in common, which is very different from how their father's were with one another. The thing about this Scorpious is that he is NOT the same from A Force of Wills (That's at least twenty years before this) and his step mother is not Astoria.

It's actually all right for you to make connections with stories, especially mine because their all intertwined. A Force of Wills is mentioned in this story and I think Abandon happens a year after Transparent (These are some of my other stories if you were interested in checking them out). That was intentional, my characters all thrive in the same universe.

Astoria in A Force of Wills is half-blood and I stray from canon when it comes to her relationship with Draco. She isn't his new wife and honestly has nothing to do with him, she has her own family. Hahaha. Anyway, I wrote this before I found out who Draco actually married so that was why I paired him with Pansy. I didn't even consider that he hadn't and when I found out the truth, I didn't bother to change it because I'd actually formed an entire relationship between them that worked.

You may not see Draco or Pansy though but I might give them a brief cameo. Astoria may not appear but Blaise is a person that you'll see quite a lot in this story, he's kind of the villain. Hahahah.

Anyway, this was my first fan fic and there are a lot of issues with it. I haven't gone back to edit because at the time, this story was pretty popular and I didn't want to have my readers waiting for the next chapter.

I try to be fair to you guys...

Sadly, this story has fallen off the radar so I'll most likely go through and edit it soon. Thanks for pointing that out to me, though!

I'm glad that you enjoyed this and I'd love to swap again sometime. I'd really like to see you back reading A Force of Wills because I've tortured Astoria and Blaise once more and I know that you'll want to hit me. Hahahaha.

Thanks again, sweetheart!


 Report Review

Review #33, by Cannons On the Hogwarts Express

18th September 2014:

I saw you asking for a review on the forums so I thought I would stop by. I am really intrigued by the title, 'prince' already has a lot of history in HP so I can't wait to see how it is relevant to the story. I was also interested to read this because I am also writing a next gen story (it hasn't been posted yet)so it was interesting to see what ages you have made the characters and stuff.

I really liked the Albus gave Scorpious a chance and was getting sort of annoyed at James at the end. In my mind Scorpious is either like you have made him, quite reserved and embarrassed about his family or really cocky and arrogant and I don't usually see stories where he is just a normal kid. It really was fun to read and it really did seem like a first year conversation where things are a lot more simpler then they get the older you get. Albus could look past Scorpious' name and that was awesome of him.

I felt really nostalgic when reading this because it reminded me of the first train ride to Hogwarts with Harry meeting Ron and them eating all the sweets from the trolley and Rose being a bit bossy.

I wanted them to take Goyle down! If only they had an animagus rat to take him down, that would have been epic.

Your writing is also really good, the chapter was smooth and it was interesting enough that I just read straight through, you were clever enough to leave the cliff hanger of which house they are going to be in because now I simply have to check out the second chapter!

Cannons (harrypotterlover1)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for coming by and I really enjoyed your story as well! I hope we continue swapping each other's work. Ah, Next Gen stories are really fun to write and it's always funny to see what other author's do when it comes to the kids.

I'm pretty sure that Albus isn't nearly as prejudiced as James is when it comes to Slytherins/Death Eaters. I wanted to write him as being more understanding and since he's kind of nervous about going to Hogwarts in the first place, I didn't think that he would make much of a fuss about Scorpious's background. I wanted to make Scorpious as normal as possible but later on, he does get a bit of a temper. Hahaha.

Yay! I tried to make this a bit similar to Ron and Harry's first meeting on the Express. I thought that it would give you guy's a great chance to get used to them as friends and I'm glad that you liked them.

Goyle gets beaten up later. Hahaha.

By a girl.

Anyway, thanks so much for the swap and I hope we see each other again!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #34, by MargaretLane The Misfit Oddities

6th April 2014:
Well, Madame Pomfrey is the matron, so it was a bit confusing. I was rereading to see if Madame Pomfrey was there and I'd missed something.

And yeah, it does make sense there'd be resentment against ex-Death Eaters which could lead to prejudice against their kids. I never thought of future mysteries involving retaliation against them, but it does make sense.

*laughs* Albus, Rose and Scorpious always seem to be in trouble in this story.

Yikes, it sounds like Lucius Malfoy might have sent that Howler and it sounds like he has something pretty unpleasant in store for his grandson.

I really like the fact that Rose and Albus feel differently about Scorpious in this story. Usually he seems to either be friends with both of them or disliked by both of them, so this really distinguishes them as characters.

You've one character say "you're older sister is a Ravenclaw", when it should be "your".

Lavender's mum must have started having kids fairly young. Assuming her mum is Parvati, who'd only be what? 36 or 37 at this point? A lot of people in the wizarding world DO seem to marry young, even allowing for the fact that England (and in fact most places in the world) tend to marry earlier on average than we do.

Oooh, looks like there's a fair share of prejudice against werewolves hanging on in this story, which isn't surprising. I wonder if that'll be relevant.

For a moment, when the prejudice against werewolves came up, I was thinking "I wonder if somebody in this is a werewolf," then I thought "nah, why should they be?" but now that Zabini appears to be collecting Wolfsbane, I'm wondering again. I even wonder if he's a werewolf himself.

And it's rather interesting that the attacks HAVEN'T been done by a werewolf. I'm beginning to think they are being done by a witch or wizard who is simply cursing the victims to make it look as if they've been attacked by a Dark creature.

It would be easy enough to find out if a werewolf could be involved by checking if there was a full moon on the dates of the attacks, though of course if the villain is trying to fake werewolf attacks, they'd probably do their crimes on a full moon, so being on a full moon wouldn't NECESSARILY mean it was a werewolf. If the attacks weren't on full moons though, you could virtually rule it out, as I very much doubt werewolves like Greyback who attack in human form are common. Worth checking out anyway.

*sympathises with Albus for not missing Potions* This reminds me of when I was in 1st year (equivalent to Hogwarts' 2nd year, though, as we start secondary a year later than the British) and it snowed. They sent us home after our second class because so few people turned up for school (in Ireland, even a sprinkling of snow pretty much shuts down the country) and one of the two teachers we should have had for our first two classes was absent, presumably unable to get in either. The one teacher I did have was the one I was most scared of, to the point I used to sometimes feel sick before her classes.

Hmm, now I'm getting suspicious of Cho Chang. Just because of that reference to her sounding nervous. That has to mean something. And she could DEFINITELY have a reason to want revenge on the Death Eaters, for Cedric's death. I mean, I guess it's a bit unlikely she'd still be that obsessed with a teenage boyfriend, but considering he was murdered, I don't think it's impossible. Your boyfriend being murdered when you're only 15 or 16 is the sort of trauma that could have long term impacts.

You've an extra apostrophe after the word "didn't" towards the end of the story.

Author's Response: HELLO!

I'm really sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you but I've been really busy and for some reason, my internet connection hates me a lot. D':

So, on to this monster!

I refer to Madame Pomfrey as the matron somewhere in this chapter, I think but maybe I didn't use this word correctly? Hm...

Albus and Scorpious will ALWAYS be in trouble for this story. Hahah. I don't think that will be something that I'll change, to be honest. Its just too funny!

Rose and Albus are two completely different people and I think their views really stem from what they've heard from their parents. Rose may have heard a lot about the Malfoy's from her father and you know how Ron is about Malfoy while Harry is more forgiving. Albus himself isn't the sort of person to hold deep grudges either so I'm glad that you liked that about them. I didn't want them to be all the same just because they were related.

Lavender's Mama is Parvati and I think she did start having babies fairly young, probably after the War was over.

There is a lot of werewolf prejudice in this story and stop giving away my secrets, you! You're solving this mystery faster than I am, no one is supposed to know any of this stuff about witches and wizards having something to do with the murders. Shsh!


Albus will never like Potions. I mean, never. It always reminded me of Biology, which was something that I hated when I was in school so it just sort of passed on to this poor soul as well. Plus, I think its funny that Harry's poor skills at Potions passed on to his kids too. Hahha. Also, writing about funny potions is fun and I can come up with weird names that no one will question. Hahha.

Suspicious of Cho?! How could you be suspicious of her? Haha. I think she was more nervous about the kids being in danger than anything but you never know...you might be on to something. Haha, I think having someone you love being murdered would leave a scar on your heart so you're right about that one.

Thanks for the critique too! I hadn't looked through this well enough in a long time so its much appreciated!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #35, by MargaretLane A Trio

5th April 2014:
Scorpius is spelled like that, not as Scorpious.

Must be hard to hide anything at Hogwarts with all the portraits. *laughs*

*also laughs at the ghost cat* I was considering giving Filch a ghost cat in my next gen, but finally decided against it. I'm glad somebody's done it though, 'cause I do like the idea. I just had another I also liked and couldn't use both.

I completely agree it's a good idea for all students to take the class. For one thing, it wouldn't be great to draw attention to the kids whose parents were Death Eaters. It would be singling them out for teasing of the "your daddy was a criminal" type and just generally making other kids wary of them and also, there's always the possibility other kids could get attacked, either by mistake or because they got in the way, so good for them all to be able to defend themselves.

It sounds a bit inappropriate to me the way the teachers call them "Death Eater kids", like they are blaming them for what their parents did. It'd probably be more sensitive to say something like "the children of Death Eaters" or something. I know the students in question can't hear them, but still, it would be like teachers in our world calling kids who had parents in prison "the criminals' kids", which sounds rather dismissive and judgmental.

The question of why a vampire is involved IS rather intriguing. Is he or she acting off his or her own bat or is somebody else inciting them to do this? Maybe somebody is paying them off. *ponders* I don't think I've seen a story before with a vampire as part of the mystery.

*laughs at Scorpius thinking Harry is cool for starting illegal clubs* A pretty typical reaction from a kid of his age, I guess.

And yeah, I agree that Luna really doesn't seem the type to get involved in dangerous situations; she's so dreamy and all. I'm not at all surprised they are a little surprised by her involvement.

She seems to have maintained her eccentricity, which is good.

*laughs at McGonagall accusing them of having the audacity to be COMFORTABLE while waiting for her to arrive*

You've referred to McGonagall as "the matron".

*laughs* Gryffindors! Because 17 year olds not taking part in a war against a crazy but brilliant wizard is really such a shocking thing.

I don't think this chapter is short.

Author's Response: Hello!

Its been a while since I've seen you coming back to this story so welcome back and all that mushy-gushy junk.

As for Scorpy's name, it is a typo that I eventually got tired of correcting, when I make the sequel for this story, his name will be spelled correctly. This is a lazy thing for me that I hope you'll forgive me for but also, 'Scorpious' seems like my own, personal monstrosity and it sets him about from all the others out there. So I hope that covers that.

Anyhoo...no one else has written about Filch having Mrs. Norris beyond the grave?! That's so odd to me, it seems like such a natural thing to do that I didn't think twice about it. You should still include it in your Next Gen though, it would be fun!
The Dueling Club was a good idea to help bridge various gaps and also bring awareness to the situation at hand but things don't go as well as you might think if you continue reading. I'm horrible. >:D
Also, the teachers' reference to the "Death Eater" children is done on purpose. Its meant to sound insensitive to show that things haven't quite changed as much as people might have thought since the War. There are a few more things like this in the story so while it might upset you, its something that was necessary for this. The divide between what's good and evil is questionable at best. At least, in this story. Hahahaha.
Ah, the vampire. You get more and more interesting things about this so keep reading for more, I hope you don't get confused down the road!
Scorpy likes anything bad and he idolizes Harry so it was a typical reaction from someone like him. HAHAHAH.
McGonagall was super pissed off and yet, also oddly amused. HAHAH.
I refer to her as the 'matron' because well...what else should I have called her?
There are worse things to come. Trust me.
This chapter is shorter than my others!
Thanks for the review! :D
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #36, by Sheriff Punishments, Plots and Plans

30th March 2014:
We don't seem to be showing a great deal of evidence of learning from our mistakes here, do we children?

Not sure if it's just me or if it's intentional design but it's getting harder to like / sympathise with the Misfits as they just seem to be fumbling blind from one catastrophe to another... Certainly no Mary Sues around here.

Author's Response: Hello again!

Its been so long since I've gotten a review for any of these chapters that I don't know what to make of this. Hahahah.

Its not an intentional thing to make the Misfits unlikeable but its just something that you probably can't help but feel. The three of them aren't the sassy mature eleven year olds that I've read in some other Next Gen stories because those have never made much sense to me. A kid isn't going to walk around with a fifty year old man or woman's brain and plus, I felt the same way reading the original Trio. At some point, Harry and the gang just got on my nerves with all their snooping and the Misfits are just as bad, if not worse. They'll learn from their mistakes but its going to be at a very bad cost. Naturally, I wouldn't have it any other way. Hehehehehe.

Much love,

 Report Review

Review #37, by Sheriff Deals with Thieves

30th March 2014:
Here we go. Long term review catching-up process begins...

Well, not sure what else they thought was going to happen when the teaching staff found out. They have less chance of getting out of this unscathed than Scorpius has of getting with Roxanne. Onwards...

Author's Response: Hello!

Long time no see, welcome back! I have to head on over to your story as well, I've been so busy and lazy that I haven't been reviewing anything lately. Shame on me!

The punishments were well deserved and were going to be much worse but I thought that this was enough for now. You'd think that the children would show a bit more humility after this but my kids are just thick headed that way. It only gets worse from here and I'm certain that Scorpy is married to Roxanne in his dreams. They're probably on their third kid by now, I'm sure. Hahaha.

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #38, by xTimexTurnerx On the Hogwarts Express

31st December 2013:

Ms. Lizzie from the forums here!

So you said in your areas of concern that you might abandon the story, but nothing I say can sway you either way on that! Only you can know if it's worth your time-- are you developing your writing skills? Do you still have fun writing it? Do you feel like there's more story left to tell? These are things you should use to decide whether or not to continue the story.

After that mini-lecture (sorry 'bout that) onto my review!

I like this as an introductory chapter! I felt like I really got to know Albus and Scorpius, and it gave me a good ground work for their friendship.

A big piece of their world are the politics from the war still affecting them, so I thought the line in the beginning, "Voldemort had been dead for nearly twenty years, Death Eaters were rotting in Azkaban, the wizard prison and the peace that was reigning over the wizarding world didnít look as if it would be shattering anytime soon." to be a little out of place. It makes their world seem completely peaceful, but we see that James and Rose are prejudice against Scorpius, as is Goyle.

Speaking of James, I was surprised at how anti-Slytherin he is, because I feel like Harry would have raised him differently. But we do see him teasing his brother on the platform in the epilogue, so I can see it.

I feel like if you were to edit the chapter, I would look at the dialogue and see what was necessary for plot, character development and what was kind of just "there." I feel like some could be caught.

I would continue reading, so if that helps you out, good!

Please feel free to re-request another chapter!

xx Lizzie

Author's Response: Hello!

Sorry that it took so long for me to get back to you, real life has been a major pain. Anyway, I haven't decided if I'll abandon this story or not but thanks for your advice and words of wisdom, I didn't mind the mini-rant.

Well, when I first wrote this I hadn't had much of a clue on what I would do later for this story so that line might not fit for that reason. But also, its meant to be a bit of a lie, considering that there's still prejudice that the kids see and experience. Or even tag along in. Hence, why Rose wasn't interested in talking to Scorpius or being anywhere near him. The War was over but there were still a lot of nasty things under the surface.

James has cousins and other influences and I don't think he would completely ignore what his father taught him but I also think that he would try to follow his relatives. And also, he is his own little man, his thoughts are probably not the same as Harry's so that was something I'd wanted to make clear. I didn't want them to be miniatures of their parents, which is SO boring. Hahah.

This is just the first chapter and I honestly had no idea what I was doing with it so if you'd wanted to read on, that would be great. Or not? Hahahah.

Thanks for the review,

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #39, by Cavell On the Hogwarts Express

30th December 2013:
Hi there! It's Raine from the forums with your requested review :) Now, when I saw your request I wasn't sure if you just wanted me to review the first chapter or read the whole story and review your most current chapter, but since I usually only read and review one chapter for requests, that's what I'm doing now -- if you meant for me to read the whole thing, then I'm really sorry :p

Anyway, I think you have a good first chapter so far! I know when I write stories, the first part is often the part I struggle with a lot, but I think you did rather well. Your writing is very easy to read -- the flow and pacing are slow enough so we can get all the details, but at the same time quick enough so it never feels boring or anything. While starting a story at the Hogwarts Express is somewhat common, it makes sense here since we left Albus and the rest of them there at the end of DH. From what little we saw of them in the epilogue, I thought everyone was rather in-character in this chapter, so well done on that! I especially liked Scorpius -- it just seemed so like him to not like his parents and the whole Death Eater thing.

Also, I liked the banter between Albus, Rose and James. It all felt very natural to me and it definitely sounded like they had all grown up together and were close. I especially liked the addition of canon when they mentioned the whole teaching-garden-gnomes-swear-words thing, since it's rare that people let canon actually tie into next gen stories. The grammar and spelling etc. was good in this chapter as well -- there were some misplaced commas here and there, but for the most part it was okay, except that Weasley is spelled wrong when Rose is first introduced and Scorpius hasn't got an 'o' in it. Also, by Professor McMillian do you mean Ernie Macmillan from the books? It's just I love how familiar some things are from canon, although his surname was spelled wrong. The spacing of the chapter at the very end after your A/N by the way is a little wonky, but nothing a quick edit won't fix :)

All in all, this was an enjoyable read, and even the few spelling mistakes didn't throw me off too much, so well done! I didn't think it was boring at all and I'd love to see more from Albus and Scorpius and the rest, especially what houses they'll be in! Thanks for requesting!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for the review, I'm so sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you. Real life is such a pain!

I didn't have much trouble writing the first half of this for some reason, I usually struggle quite a bit whenever I start a story but this came off as so easy. I think it was because I knew exactly what I was going to do at the time so it went rather smoothly. Thank God. Hahahah.

I tried to make this not as detail oriented as some of my other stories and honestly, this is the first one I've ever written. I didn't have any idea of what I wanted for this story so I just got all of my ideas out and hoped for the best. Hahahah.

Thank you for liking the kids too! I tried to keep them as canon as possible, well, with what we saw in the Epilogue at least so that came off as a relief. Trust me, Scorpius has more than a bit of hatred for his family, it just gets worse.

Banter is fun to write! Albus, Rose and James are hilarious for me to write and since they grew up together, you could tell the family dynamics so much better as they talked and interacted. I think that tying in the actual HP books with fanfiction is crucial for making it more relatable so I'm glad that you liked it.

Scorpious's name changes quite a bit! I leave the 'O' in it on purpose at some point because I got tired of editing it out and plus, it makes him seem more like my own but I might change it if I make a sequel.

Anyway, thanks for the review and I hope to see you around again if I make another request!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #40, by CassiePotter The Halloween Fiasco-Part 1

5th August 2013:
Hi Gabbie!
This chapter was wonderful! I loved it!!! It's always so much fun to come back to the Misfits, because they're just so funny together! I love their banter, it's so perfectly written!
I loved how this chapter started out with the snowball fight, and they were having so much fun, but then Zabini has to be all creepy and spy on them! Haha.
He really is scary sometimes! I definitely wouldn't want to have to worry about being watched all the time! I loved how he interacted with all the kids in this chapter, too! It was this perfect mix if creepy and kind. Like when he gave Lav his handkerchief! That was so sweet. A little of the Force of Wills Blaise peeking through, perhaps? Haha.
I'm really intrigued but also nervous about the Halloween plans those Mistfits have pulled together! Hopefully they find out something good, because I can already tell that things won't go quite as they planned! Do they ever? Haha.
This was a fantastic chapter, and I can't wait for more! I'll let you know as soon as the next chapter if TFD is finished! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there, Cassie its great to see you again as always. I have so much fun writing this story because the Misfits are just too hilarious together and making small children do bad things is just so tempting. Hahahaha.
I think a bit of lightness right before things get really bad was the intent for this chapter and they ewre having so much fun before Zabini showed up! The fact that he is scary is only amplified by Albus's POV and he tends to exaggerate things quite a bit. As we know...hahaha.
There's so much about Zabini that the kids aren't paying attention to and the fact that he was being rather kind and sort of teasing showed that he's not as evil as they think.
Giving Lav his handkerchief was a nod to A Force of Wills and after all, this Zabini is only the grown up version of the Blaise we love so much from that story. ;)
Oh, you should be nervous about the Halloween plan because it will go very wrong. I assure you that it will...mwhahaha and currently its going to be three parts because there's going to be so much happening all at once. And by the end, Zabini's secret will be revealed and the Misfits will be left wondering just what to do next. Mwhahahhaha.
Anyhoo, thanks for coming back! Audrey is up and waiting for you and Transparent is going to be up soon too! Hopefully I'll be back at the library and update for Abandon after that!
Wish me luck!
Can't wait for TFD!
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #41, by CassiePotter Real and Unreal

16th March 2013:
GABBIE THIS CHAPTER WAS SO BRILLIANT. IT WAS SO, SO, SO INCREDIBLE!!! And we finally got to see Ben! You know how long I've been looking forward to that, so the fact that it finally happened was amazing! Of course he hasn't changed a bit, and is just as creepy as usual! Haha. But it's really interesting to see him as more of an adult, because the kids are all so much younger than he is.
He and Scorpious are really interesting together! I love the way you have their relationship, because it's so believable, and you can tell that they're brothers right away, all from how they treat each other. It's good that Scorpious apologized, too, because I think he'll feel better now that Ben isn't as mad at him anymore. And maybe his sister will stop calling him a git ;)
And of course it was great to see Roxie again! I love how she's becoming a more prominent character in this story, because she can help the kids, but also watch out for them so they don't get into too much trouble! She and Ben are so funny together, now that they're actually dating! They still tease each other just like always, but you can also tell that they really care for each other.
And they got the password! Woohoo! And IT WAS CACTUS AND THAT REMINDS ZABINI OF HIS WIFE AND BLAISE CALLS ASTORIA A CACTUS SO THAT MEANS SHE'S HIS WIFE SO BLASTORIA HAPPENS! Please, please, please let me be right and have Blastoria happen! Now that my fangirling is out of the way...
I can't wait to see what happens now that they have the password to Zabini's office and know where his room is! I have a feeling that things aren't going to be anything like the trio are expecting them to be! And I hope that they aren't in way over their heads! (but they probably are... Oh gosh)
This chapter was phenomenal and you did a fantastic job with it!!! I can't wait for more of this story! (and your others too, of course!) 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

First of all, thank you for always coming back to these stories. I swear that you're one of the only people who reads all of my work AND leaves me a review, I adore you. HAHAHA.
So you got to see Ben and I'm GLAD that you loved it! I had so much fun writing him from the children's POV, he's changed a tad but well, he is sort of creepy. Perhaps even more so because Albus has a crazy imagination. HAHAHA.
I think Scorpious is going to be just like Ben with a little more polish when he grows up. Its going to be scary but you could see the contrast between them, right? I wanted to make it seem as if they were brothers and that they loved one another regardless.
Hehee. Roxie is great and you'll see her again sometime down the line but I love her and Ben, they were great to write. They're a really sweet couple and I had fun playing with them, I think they'll be more like George and Angie down the road. Lord help us all, right? Hahaah.
HAHAHAH. I thought you would pick up on the password too! Blastoria actually DOES happen but not in the way you might think.
Just wait until I start updating for A Force of Wills for you. >:D
Things will not go smoothly for the Misfits, I will say that now but its going to be a fun thing to read and write I hope! I'll try to be updating soon, its going to take a while to get back into the swing of things and I'll be busy but anyway, thanks so much!
Can't wait to catch up on all your wonderful work too! ;)
Louis, I'm coming! :D
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #42, by CassiePotter Fight, Flight and Might

18th February 2013:
Hi Gabbie!
So this story is definitely starting to get darker and more mysterious! The murders are starting to play a larger role, too, which is really interesting, especially because they're going to have to keep a close eye on Scorpy to make sure he's ok! I would be terrified if I were him!
I loved he beginning of this chapter, and think it's awesome that we get to see another side of Roxanne through this story! She's a hilarious character, and I love her interactions with Peeves and the Misfits! I could definitely see her having a talent for trouble (she is related to George, after all!) and I love that she was willing to get in trouble with Zabini to help her cousin! She definitely has guts!
I'm really interested to see what's going on with the Wolfsbane, too! What with that horrible smell, Zabini won't be able to hide it for long! And the scratching in the walls... Hm. Something fishy is definitely going on!
I can't wait for the next chapter when we get to see Ben!!! Yay! And of course, I'm really, really excited for Percy and Audrey, too! I'm working on ASOS, and I'll let you know when to expect that! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there, thanks for being the first person to stop by with a review. Its very nice to see you coming back for this story, it makes me all happy and such!
I think I could honestly classify this as a dark comedy, there's so much happening with the children and so many bad things. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't do it on purpose. Hahaha.
I think the entire thing has to to do with the murders, the kids think Zabini has something to do with them, don't they? Hahaha. But Scorpy had better keep his eyes open because not everything is as it seems in this story. :D
I actually like the beginning of this chapter better than the later half, but that's mostly because Roxanne is hilarious. She's crafty and brilliant and its great writing her with the Misfits and Peeves! :D She's a horrible influence.
You will actually be getting answers for the Wolfsbane in the next few chapters, this entire thing with Zabini is nearing an end.
Next chapter you finally meet Ben! :D I'm going to update for Audrey later today and when you read it, I hope you enjoy it! :D
Can't wait for ASOS and Holding On too, make sure to let me know when they're up!
Thanks again!
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #43, by CassiePotter Punishments, Plots and Plans

9th February 2013:
Hello Gabbie!
I loved this chapter! The entire beginning section had me cringing, and poor Albus just kept feeling worse and worse! I rely felt bad for the three of them during their entire lecture from Neville and Blaise.
I thought the part where Scorpy and Lav said that they liked having each other and Albus as friends was really sweet! I think the three of them make really good friends, because they all have such different personalities, but can also get along really well, even if they do bicker sometimes :) And I felt so bad for Scorp when he said that he liked Albus and Lav because they didn't think he was going to die! He is one of my favorite characters, because of how you write him, and the fact that he had this little moment of vulnerability, when he usually tries to act so tough, really made my heart go out to him!
And their punishment really does sound awful! No quidditch for two more years! That would be terrible! And have to stay over the holidays and help Filch... Yuck! I would hate that! And poor Albus, not getting to see all of his cousins, and missing his parents! I think that would be the worst part for me! And the last part of their punishment really did it. What are they going to do now that their plan is ruined?
Rose and Sue were not happy with them! Personally, I would be scared if they had it out for me like that! At least Lav was able to stop anything really bad from happening! I feel like she's always coming to save the day! Haha. And the end of the chapter with Peeves has me a bit worried... I wonder what happened with Roxie! It seems like everything that could go wrong for the Misfits has, and I'm already cringing a little bit thinking about what else could got wrong!
This chapter was amazing, and I loved all the emotions I felt from it! THE FEELS. I can't wait to find out what happens next, and hopefully we'll see Ben soon! Heeheehee. 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: HellO!

Wow, thanks for being the first person to come and attack this. I just saw that it was validated and was surprised that alot of people had actually read it! :D
Oh, that scene with the children getting their punishment was so hard to write. I wasn't sure how far I wanted to go with it and poor Albus was just getting so upset. D':
I thought adding in a bit more companionship/love between the Misfits was really important and I'm glad that you enjoyed it. It was a sweet moment to write! :3
And that bit with Scorpy made me sort of sad but there are moments of real vulnerability with him that I love exploring. He has it harder than anyone realizes.
And he's very fun to write, I enjoy his lines and his character very much, the complicated kids are always the most fun. Sorry, Albus! ;)
Yep, I had to think of something awful for each of them adn I think it worked out all right! I mean, no quidditch, spending the holidays with FILCH?! Uhm, no! Hhaha. And they won't be able to see their families and that hurt Albus the most because he's really close to his family. :(
You'll have to wait and see what they do to solve their latest problem with Halloween. :D
HAHAHA. Yeah, I'd hate it if Sue and Rose were after ME like that too! Scary stuff and Lav is a doll, isn't she? She's like a super hero! Hahahah.
And she has amazing aim.
Hahaha. You'll see what happened with Roxie, so no worries! :3
Peeves may or may not have been lying. Hahhaha.
The next chapter is halfway done! Whoo! And A Force of Blaise is nearly done as well too! ;)
You'll see Ben very soon. He misses you very much.
Much love and thanks so much! :D

 Report Review

Review #44, by CassiePotter Deals with Thieves

29th January 2013:
Hi Gabbie!
I really loved this chapter! I think it's one of my favorites so far! I just love Scorp, Lav, and Al together! I agree with Roxie, they are so cute! And so funny, too! Haha.
I got so much Hermione from Rose in this chapter! It was awesome! I love her personality, she is such a mix of her parents! I can definitely see Ron's temper, and of course she inherited her mother's love of the library! Haha. Sue and the boys make me laugh. She definitely knows how to get under their skin!
And Roxie was there, too! I loved getting to see her in this story! It's really interesting, because it feels like we're seeing her from the trio's perspective. Its really different without all the mood swings that come with Ben! Who is going to show up soon, yes? I can't wait! He and Scorpy are going to be hilarious together! I relly hope they get the invisibility cloak back! And I'm nervous about the end... I want to know what happens to them after they get called into Zabini's office!
ASOS is in the queue, and TFD is after that. I'm also thinking about writing a one-shot, too! I'll keep reading and reviewing for you, so hopefully I'll be all caught up soon! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there! Its always nice seeing you back and you attacked this before anyone else did so thank you so much. I love writing the Misfits together, they're just too much fun and you can't help but adore them. Oh, yes, I think Rose is alot like her parents and its so fun putting out her little quirks and things in the story. I wanted her to have her own identity but that might have to wait for another story because she's not that big of a player in this one. :p Sadly.
Hahaha. Sue, Sue, Sue. There's something going on with her about why she can get under Albus and Scorpy's skin. ;)
I think she's a bully.
Roxie is SO much different from how she is in her own story and I think it shows really well in this. We'll be seeing Ben soon if I have my way with my laptop and I do think he and Scorpy are going to be HILARIOUS. I already have it in my head on how I want to write it and I hope you LOVE it! :D
Hahhaa, they'll get the Cloak but goodness, it won't go the way they think and that ending did make you go, "EEP" I hope. It won't be pleasant with what Zabini has planned for them. ;)
OOH ASOS! I can't wait, like I literally can't wait for it and TFD! :D Oooh, a one-shot? I will so read it when its up! Thank you so much for coming back, you're a real dear and I always love reading your reviews.
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #45, by CassiePotter The Threat of Tomorrow

28th January 2013:
Hey Gabbie!
This chapter was SO GOOD. I'm so relieved that Scorp and Lav got out of the forest alright! When Albus was waiting for Hagrud to open the door I was really nervous that he wasn't going to be there and that Al would have to go look around in the forest by himself! But thankfully Hagrid was there! And I'm really glad they found Scoroious and Lavender, even if Zabini was there, too. But that confirms their suspicions that he was out in the forest looking for wolfsbane!
You wrote Hagrud really well! I think he would be one of the hardest characters to write in canon, because he has such a distinct personality and way of speaking compared to the other characters, and you wrote him fantastically!
I really hope that Albus, Scorp, and Lav get a good plan together! And that they see Ben soon! Heeheehee.
This chapter was brilliant! ASOS is next for me, then back to TFD and I'm thinking about writing a one-shot, too! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey, there! Its always good to see you coming back to this. :3
I think a few people were worried about Scorpy and Lav making it out of the Forest in one piece. I had actually thought of having Albus going back in there for them but thought of saving that for another time. Oh, yes, they found out Zabini was looking for Wolfsbane but things aren't nearly as simple as they look! :D
I think Hagrid is one of those characters that is really hard to get right. He took me a while to get just right and I'm glad that it was able to come out all right. :D His speech patterns are so tough to get down! D':
But yes, the Misfits had better come up with a plan soon! Halloween is only a week away and don't you worry, Benjamin shows up in another chapter or so. ;)
There's a fresh chapter of this up for you to read too! :D The queue was really short last night! :D
On my end, I'm going to get the next chapter of A Force of Blaise--Wills up for you after I finish and then, maybe Memories. After that, who knows? :D
Thanks for coming back and I read and reviewed LMT! D':
Can't wait for more stuff from you!
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #46, by Sheriff The Threat of Tomorrow

27th January 2013:
Oh, Albus. Let go. Seriously. It really doesn't do anyone any good to hang on to preconceptions and prejudices when the world of evidence is banging down your door. You are in much more danger from cannibal fishies than from your Potions Master.

He has just had the perfect opportunity to turn your friends into fish food, and lay the blame on any one of innumerable forest-dwelling beasts, and he's chosen to drag their ungrateful backsides back to the castle, kicking and screaming along the way. What did they expect, having broken 101 school rules?

Anyway, I am starting to feel like we must be looking at a werewolf as being the object of Zabini's midnight missions, but as for what the connection is between this and the Death Eater kids being murdered, I have no idea, and you might well be laying down a false track for all that I know. Hmmm. The plot thickens...

Author's Response: Hello!

Bwhaha, that wasn't the reaction I was expecting! Oh, how hilarious was it to read though, isn't Albus just getting on your nerves?! Hahahhaha. I really do think that him holding onto those suspicions is the only way for him to feel like he's in control though. Everything else is constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY blowing up in his face (Sometimes literally) that he has to have SOME say in what he thinks is going on. Right? Right? Does that even make sense? Probably not. HAHHAH.
But yes, he is in more danger from various other things. Zabini has had his chance to destroy them more than once and they've gotten themselves into quite a jam, haven't they? I mean, honestly, with what they did, they should be lucky that Zabini didn't do something more foul. My silly little Misfits. :p
Oh, yes, we're getting into the thick of things aren't we? I may or may not be leading you down a false trail, but you'll get your answers in a few chapters. Merlin, just let me write them first and get over this writer's block...come on, offer me some advice buddy.
Thanks for coming back though! Still laughing at that response.
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #47, by CambAngst On the Hogwarts Express

22nd January 2013:
Hi, there! I thought I'd come take a look at your long story. There's something about stories that portray the Next Gen kids coming of age that always interest me. I'm more of a Hogwarts/post-Hogwarts reader generally, but I always see so much of the canon characters reflected in the way that people write these kids. It's fascinating.

I felt like you plucked Albus, Rose and James right out of the final scene in the epilogue of Deathly Hallows and just kept right on going with the story. While Albus felt better about things after the chat with his father on the train platform, I'm sure that wasn't the end of his anxieties. He's still worried sick that he might wind up in Slytherin. And looming almost as large in the background, he seems very worried about whether anyone will care about Albus Potter except to the extent that he's Harry Potter's son.

Rose came across like her mother's daughter with a dose of Weasley looks thrown in. I really hope that a little more of her father emerges as the story wears on, because I've always loved the idea of her inheriting some of his cheek along with her mother's brains. She obviously did take her father's words to heart where Scorpius is concerned. Let's hope she can get past that sooner or later.

Poor Scorpius seems like he's led a difficult life up to this point. Your slight non-canonality of having Pansy be his mother puts a bit of a different twist on things because she's a known commodity whereas Astoria is a blank slate. The falling-out between her and Draco helped to define who Draco is in your mind, or at least who he has become. I think he's going to be a very interesting character in this, given his apparent change of heart.

Suggestions? Well, I think the obvious one is formatting. Right now you have so much space between your paragraphs that this relatively short chapter is probably 30 screens long. For me, at least, it made it a little harder to get into the flow of the story. I know the HPFF editor can be a challenge, but if you try editing it in the Simple Editor, I think you can get the spacing under control. Beyond that, I thought you went a little heavy on the back story material in a couple of places. I could understand explaining the game of Quidditch, for instance, if this was targeted toward people who had never read any of the HP books. But in context, it felt a little excessive.

Overall, though, I thought your writing was really good. Everything was structurally sound and I didn't see any typos or grammatical problems. Your descriptions made it really easy to visualize what was going on, and I didn't see anything that felt inconsistent. Actually, one tiny thing: at least in the era of the books, a Galleon was supposed to be worth about £5 or US$10, so Scorpius bought about £25 or US$50 worth of stuff from the snack trolley, then Albus bought more. That would be quite a feed. ;)

I really enjoyed this. You presented Albus and Scorpius in a really warm, engaging way that built on the things they have in common to lay a good foundation for them becoming friends. Good job!

Author's Response: Hello!

*Fangirls* Welcome to my first ever fanfic, its nice to see you visiting! I always enjoy Next Generation stories but I really love to read about the kids being younger. Its really interesting to see how people have their characters and what sort of stories they make up.
Which brings me to this! Yay. To be honest, when I wrote this I had just literally finished reading the Deathly Hallows for the third (?) time and that might be why the characters are so similar. I'd wanted to know what happened next and played off of what I'd gathered from the Epilogue to make this chapter.
Albus of course is nervous about the expectations of everyone else. He doesn't quite seem to know who he is and he doesn't want to be compared as "Just Harry Potter's son", its always been a sore spot for him.
No worries for Rose, she'll have her moments of cheek. I didn't want her to be exactly like Hermione but I didn't really play on her character too much in this chapter. I do later on and she's pretty awful for Albus and the rest. She can't seem to stop talking! :D
She doesn't get past the thing with Scorpius at all. But it mostly has something to do with his personality, more than him being a Malfoy and if you read on, you'll probably see why.
He's got a potty mouth.
Oh, yes, Scorpius has had it a little rough. With his family having that stigma around them and his parents having split up, he's had alot to deal with. I had honestly not looked up the fact that Draco had married Astoria until later, when I'd already had this updated. It would have felt wrong to change it and so I left it alone and plus, it worked out on its own, as I'd wanted to play on Draco and Pansy's relationship anyway. As for Astoria Greengrass...she's mentioned but not a central part to this story. :D
I think most people describe Scorpius as "Moody" and "awful" but sure, he's interesting! *Pulls at collar nervously*
Anyhoo, with the formatting, I KNOW I need to change. I've been so busy that I completely forgot but thank you for reminding me, I'll most likely get to that really soon! It really bugs me to read! D':
And as for me mentioning things, I'd wanted to play on JK's power of reminding us all what was what in little details. But I thankfully toned it down later on because I saw what you meant by the third chapter for the information as being too much. :D Or did I? Hm.
Ooh, thanks for the compliment! I'm not nearly as confident as I should be with my writing so this means alot! >_<
As for grammar and typos: Expect more of each and here's one to look out for: Because of a typo and my laziness, I spell Scorpius's name Scorpious but will most likely change it by the time I make a sequel to this. I'm just lazy and don't feel like going through the entire story and correcting it. Shame on me, I know. Hehehehe. Ooops.
Whoa, I had no idea that the kids actually bought that much candy! Goodness, that's alot! I'm sort of jealous. But I should have given them stomach aches if I'd known! Darn.
Then again, I torture them enough as this story goes on so I think I win either way. >:D
Anyhoo, thanks for the lovely review, it means alot! Albus and Scorpius are loosely based on Ron and Harry so I thought I did a pretty good job on making them in this chapter. Thanks so much!
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #48, by CassiePotter Into the Forest

12th January 2013:
Gabbie that was so good! Oh my gosh I absolutely loved it! Albus is one of my favorites characters that you've written, and I love your characterization of him! He, Scorp, and Lav make quite the trio of misfits, and in this chapter they reminded me so much of Harry, Ron, and Hermione! I loved how they were stepping on each other's feet under the cloak, too.
And we saw a bit of Miss Roxanne in this chapter! She and apeeves are hilarious together, and I think this little glance of their relationship really shows how Roxanne is so much like her parents! Especially her dad :)
I was so nervous about the trio going into the forest! I would never be able to do that at eleven! I loved Albus's moment if summoning up his courage and pretending to be his dad. I thought it was sweet that he would want to be like his father. And then he fell into a whole herd of centaurs! That's never good! You wrote them really well, and I'm really curious to know more about them after everything Kane said! And now we know that Zabini has something to do with them! I just hope that Scorpius and Lavender can get out of the forest and back to the castle! I'm worried for them!
This chapter was fabulous, and I just love this story! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hey!

Welcome back Cassie! Its so nice to see you reading and reviewing this. Albus is just a delight isn't he? I swear that he's the most fun out of my characters to write for, being in the head of an eleven year old boy is more fun than it should be for me. :)
Ooh, they reminded you of the Golden Trio? Yes! I try to pattern a little bit of Harry, Ron and Hermione into my Misfits (For Lav its a mix of Hermione and Luna Lovegood) and I'm glad that you enjoyed their banter! It only gets worse from here...
Yeah, you'll be seeing a bit more of Roxanne in the next few chapters and when they finally meet Mr. Ben F. Malfoy. Hahaha. I thought I'd get you guys comfortable with her popping up alot in the story before dumping her on you later. Yeah, she and Peeves have a thing going on, I'll go into more detail about it in Abandon, they're like best friends.
Is that a good thing? Hahaha. Roxanne is like, a female version of George, its actually pretty funny.
That part with the Forest made me so nervous too, I wasn't sure if I coudl capture it all well. I would never have gone in there at eleven either, I would have stayed right in the common room and hoped they made it back all right. Hahahaha. I'm no Gryffindor!
Albus had to have that moment of trying to be his dad. There's so much envy and love mixed in with how he feels about him but in the end, love always wins. His dad gives him strength and it comes in handy later on with what I'll make him do. Mwhahahha. >:D
The centaurs.spooky stuff, huh? I thought I had gotten them badly, they were so hard to write for. I sort of cried, I'll admit it. Hahaha.
Zabini's involvement with them comes into light in a few chapters. I just have to write them! T-T
Scorpy and Lav are having their own adventure in the Forest. Not sure if that's good or bad. Hahahhaa.
Thanks for coming back, I left you a review for ASOS! And, hopefully, Audrey will be up so I can update A Force of Blaise--Wills! For me, you can read the latest chapter of "Memories" and see how that suits you. Hopefully it'll tide you over. ;)
Thanks again!
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #49, by Sheriff Into the Forest

30th December 2012:
Oh, Albus. Mind well and truly blown, I take it?

Now, as for the identity of whatever foul fiend is actually inhabiting the forest, well, if Zabini needs Hagrid's protection, it can't be good. Right?

Meanwhile, do I detect that Scor and Lavender haven't actually made it out of the forest yet, and have been left to indulge in wondering just how life-threatening a situation needs to be in order for them to hold hands. I can't see any of those problems arising for my firsties if they were stuck with Miranda. In fact, they'd probably hurl her straight into the forest and leave her to it.

Your Roxanne has the Fred/George character about her (I get the feeling that she appears in your other work - seems fully-formed already) and the centaurs got that mix of menacing and contemplative spot on.


Author's Response: Hello!

what a nice way to start off the New Year! Thanks so much for coming back, I really like hearing your opinions on this story! :D
Yes, I think Albus's poor little mind has been taken in a very frightening direction. Things are not as they seem and this was the chapter that I think proved that for him. >:D
Well, some would say that Hagrid needs protection from Zabini but we can never be too sure, right? Hahaha. The actual thing out there taking down the wards is something dangerous but I can't go into more detail than that. ;)
Hahaha, I think I played around with Scorpy and Lavender's Forest adventure. There may or may not be alot of hand holding because lets face it, its just spooky in there! Hahaha.
I'm quite sure that your Albus and his friends WOULD just toss Miranda into the Forest after properly tying her to a tree and going back to the Slytherin dungeons. Hahahhah.
So cruel! ;)
Oh, yes, my Roxanne does have the Fred/George thing going on for her. She's George's daughter and she acts alot like him but I think I based James and Mason more after the Weasley twins. Its so fun!
She does show up in one of my other stories "Abandon" so I know her pretty well, which would explain why she was already spot on. For me, at least. Haha.
Ooh, the centaurs were so tough! I thought I'd failed so badly at writing for them, but I plowed through and got what I got. Thanks!
I'll be back to Snake Bites soon and Happy New Year!
Much love,

 Report Review

Review #50, by Sheriff Sneak and Rescue

28th December 2012:
It is becoming increasingly apparent that either you, or your characters, are dangerously (possibly criminally) obsessed with pink panties. Either they are a key plot element, or you are just clinically insane. It's probably the insanity, isn't it?

I love Lavender's quote, "I mean that there's a lot more going on that we're not paying attention to". I reckon that could sum up 99% of situations anywhere in life; it's amazing what you can learn if you only know where to look. Don't think it's intelligent of Al to pass off the DE murders as coincidence immediately afterwards, mind... although going back into the forest at night is probably even thicker.

Also, cliffhanger, dammit! I sense blood!

Wait, that sounded a bit too much like Zabini. You'll blow my cover...


Author's Response: Hello~!

Hey, welcome back! I left you like, five million reviews for Snake Bites today. (Not really, I think I left three or four?) but anyhoo, I'm not sure who likes pink panties more, me or the kids. I'm not actually sure if this story would be the same without mentioning panties in at least one sentence. But if you read all of my other stuff which is girly/angst, I mention panties in there too. Its like my calling card or something. Hopefully not a sign of insanity? Possibly? Most likely. Haahaha.
Anyhoo, I think that my dear Lavender was the only one who actually had some sense going on. Albus and Scorpy are going back and forth with their ideas and she's more level I think. They should pay more attention to her! And ah, her quote does make sense when it comes to life in general but I'll leave the excellent coming of age stuff to you. You're alot better at it than me, after all. Hehehehe. :D
HAHAHAH! I smell tears in the next chapter! Whoo-hoo? Hahahaha.
What are you doing being the creepy Potions teacher in this story? Back, beast! Into the abyss with you! :D
Thanks for coming back, enjoy my reviews I left! >:D
Much love,

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>