Reading Reviews for Not Normal
  
257 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Veritaserum27 {Chapter the First}

23rd March 2014:
Hello!

I'm here for review tag. This is my very first one, so bear with me. So, I must admit, that I wasn't sure I wanted to read a chapter over 5,000 words, but it was so worth it!

I think you've nicely set up the first chapter for this story. The characters all have their own personality traits (and flaws). Albus being the pompous son of 'the chosen one' is a nice touch. Albus is usally portrayed as a cunning Slytherin, who is unsure of himself - but not here. He knows who he is and makes no apologies - loved it!

I also loved your description of the music room. I could totally see all those instruments lying around (along with the dangerous wires!)

The end really got me - I am also a skeptic when it comes to the "supernatural" and the old woman wasn't saying anything too impressive - up until that point. (I think I actually gasped)

However, I think my most *favorite* part of the entire chapter was Elli's "cake sense." I literally laughed out loud! I'm hoping that skill comes in handy in later chapters.

Thanks for the story!

Beth

Author's Response: I'm surprised that you chose to start with a 5000 word chapter as well! Not exactly a smart move to begin my story with such a high word count!

I'm glad all the different personalities come through and they don't all sound the same. Biggest fear, I kid you not. I loved writing Albus this way! He's a royal pain to write most of the time but the readers seem to love him so it's all worth it!

That music room description... I want a room like that. I don't even really like playing music, but that would be my dream music room.

The old lady is a bit of an enigma, isn't she? She throws poor Ellie off as well!

And Ellie's cake sense will definitely reappear!

Lovely to hear from you!


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Review #27, by ShadowRose {Chapter the Fifth}

14th March 2014:
Hi, I'm back again for the last chapter (so far)!

I totally connect with Ellie's desire for a perfect and regular morning routine. I'm completely thrown off when I do things in the wrong order, so I totally know where she's coming from. As usual, her narration is perfectly dry and witty (which is so funny, because she's so much better with comebacks in her head than she is verbally, but then again, who isn't?). It cracks me up how much she and Scorpius hate Herbology, because it creates such funny narration throughout that whole scene. And her last line of the chapter is just perfect - I was giggling like an idiot in my empty hotel room when the room service person knocked, so I'm sure she thinks I'm as crazy as Al thinks Ellie is. :P

Ahh, there was a ton of ScoRose in this chapter! They're so cute in the morning when Rose is freaking out and he manages to calm her down so easily - you'd think they had been together for ages! It cracks me up that Rose didn't even notice Ellie sitting across from her because she was so caught up in Scorpius. And aww yay, Scorpius is going to ask out Rose! I can't imagine that she wouldn't say yes, given her behaviour that morning - they're so great together! And wow, look at Elle, giving relationship advice! It's actually all really good advice too, so maybe she should apply it to her own life? Haha, she's so much better with theoretical relationships than actual ones.

Overall, another really great chapter! I really hope you post the next chapter soon - I'd love to read and review it!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

(Blackout Battle review 8/20 for opposite house)

Author's Response: My morning is totally dependent on how well I execute my morning routine. It really sets the way you look on your day! Her comebacks are great - she'd have like zero friends though if she said everything that went through her head. People would think her either crazy or rude or both - but let's be real, who isn't crazy and rude in their heads?

ScoRose... Everyone knows they're meant to be in this story... Except them, of course. It's sort of adorable, the way they're just so dense! The thing about Ellie's advice is that it's always great - except she never practises what she preaches. It makes for an interesting sort of dichotomy. She's way better with people in her head, for sure!

Thanks so much for this lovely set of reviews!


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Review #28, by ShadowRose {Chapter the Fourth}

14th March 2014:
Hello, I'm back again!

Oh gosh, this was such an entertaining chapter. I love Ellie, as usual, and I relate to her so much in this chapter. I'm always spending time by myself, despite my friends' efforts to do something. I love the library, so I see why Ellie likes to spend her free time there. And I love that she got a blank slip signed - what a clever girl!

Oh dear, and then Regulus shows up again! I really like him - he's witty and sarcastic and definitely enjoys bugging Ellie whenever possible. His comments throughout this whole chapter had me giggling like crazy - Sexual Tension Saga was probably the funniest thing I've read all day. And then he goes into Victorian language and I just love him so much because he's so hilarious and makes a pretty darn good ghost. Gosh, he just MAKES this scene.

And Al... his behavior's certainly interesting here. He seems a bit pushy, particularly for someone who claims to dislike Ellie, but I guess he could just be being nosy for the sake of being nosy. It's kinda funny that he keeps trying to figure out what he's doing, just to make her squirm. And he's really interested in this boyfriend... hmmm, I wonder why? ;)

This was such a hilarious and entertaining chapter - great job with it, it kept me laughing the whole time!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

(Blackout Battle review 7/20 for opposite house)

Author's Response: I totally understand where you're coming from! Sometimes you just want to be alone with yourself and your thoughts. And libraries are basically the best places on earth, except for maybe museums and planetariums.

I love writing Regulus. He's the first ghost that really gets under Ellie's skin and just doesn't want to leave her alone, which is oddly adorable in its own way. He basically makes any scene he decides to grace!

Gosh! Albus is just a really nosy person in this chapter. It's so weird writing him this way, trying to hide his need to know about other people's lives behind his cool, suave facade!

Thanks for the review!


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Review #29, by ShadowRose {Chapter the Third}

14th March 2014:
Hello! I figured I'd finally come back and review these later chapters for Blackout Bingo! I really like that you start all these chapters with the same phrase - it really ties the whole thing together and it's a really unique element of this story.

I love Ellie's behaviour in the morning - mostly because I'm the exact same way. If you talk to me before I've had my coffee, it's not going to be a pretty situation. Not to mention she has to deal with three shirtless boys sitting in her kitchen. Actually, I just really love Ellie in general. Her commentary is perfect and she always has a snarky thing to say for any situation. Oh gosh, and when she snaps at Potter, I was positively dying - I've totally said the exact same thing before to someone who insinuated I had a small vocabulary. High five to Ellie!

The little story about her old crush on James because he "saved her life" was adorable, and I loved tier little brief interaction with him - it was just awkward enough to be funny yet natural at the same time.

I like her friends so far - Ben seems really cool and funny, and I can wait to get to know him better as the story progresses. And yikes, what's this about the Sorting Hat and something sinister? That Hat's always more insightful than it lets on, so that's definitely not a good sign. I wonder what sinister things are going on - I guess I'll have to keep reading to find out!

I really enjoyed this chapter, so now I'm on to the next one!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

(Blackout Battle review 3/20 for opposite house)

Author's Response: I just love how people love the opening phrases! Often they're one of the hardest things to write in the chapter, so it's so great that people appreciate what is literally one sentence out of a bajillion in each chapter.

I'm glad you still like Ellie! She hasn't really started being annoying yet though, so that might have something to do with it! She gets on my nerves sometimes because she just refuses to be written! So. Frustrating. LET ME WRITE YOU.

-end rant-

Ben is a boss - more on him later on in the story. Everyone should be more like Ben! And the Sorting Hat is sinister on the best of days - it's downright creepy when it's a plot device!

Thanks for reading!


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Review #30, by long_live_luna_bellatrix {Chapter the First}

11th March 2014:
Hi there,

Before I talk about your writing (that is what reviews are for, I guess), I wanted to let you know that I found your comment on my blog (the one about getting back into the groove of writing) really helpful. The bit about reviews in particular. Most people offered helpful-- but not novel-- advice, whereas the idea of leaving reviews was something I'd never considered. As soon as I read that, I knew it was going to work. So I decided to do my best to leave at least one review a day everyday until I find my groove again-- hopefully even after that. And I figured there was no better person to begin with than the one who had the idea in the first place. So thank you, very much. And onto your story.

This story's summary caught my eye immediately. And once I began reading, I was excited to see the action began right off the bat, along with a plausible history. After all, it does take a significant sense of creativity to make seeing ghosts sound odd in an HP fan fic. Your summary, plus the cool background information about people who are "stuck," did a great job of pulling me in.

You gave Ellie a nice, solid history, and I feel like I know her pretty well. I now know about her parents, her brother, her friends, some of her likes, some of her dislikes, and a vulnerable part of her (having trouble opening up... talk about relatable), and it didn't feel forced at all. The one thing that made me a little nervous (that's the wrong word, but it's the best I can come up with) (sorry for all the parentheses, I promise I usually don't use them this much!) was her relationship with Albus Potter. The quiet, nervous, funny girl meets gorgeous and arrogant best-friend-of-brother, hates him, but will eventually fall in love with him? (Jumping to conclusions about the psychic's prediction, here) It can be done, but it's been done a lot. There are interesting directions in which it can go, and tired directions. I'd just be wary of the two of them, if I were writing this-- but I'm sure you have it under control.

I'm still really interested to see what the Founders ask Ellie to do, and I'd like to get to know her more. I'll swing by again soon. Once again, thank you so much for your advice! Review #1 is done, and I'm already beginning to feel better, writing-wise.

-lllb

Author's Response: I'm so glad you found my advice worthwile! I'm really happy that you already feel like it's going to work out for you. Getting your groove back is the most amazing feeling :) And wowee! A review a day! Good luck! Break all the legs!

I'm so happy that you enjoyed the beginning! I feel like this story is taking a really long time to get to what I call the beginning of the "actual plot", but that's probably because I know where I want to take this story, and also because I'm a super slow writer.

I'm always really worried about people's initial reactions to Ellie. I don't want her coming off as an unlikeable "Mary Sue", although that's often how she views herself. I'm so happy that you found her well-balanced, and most of all, relateable - I usually don't reaad stories where I can't connect to the main character, especially if the story is in first person.

I really get what you mean about Albus. I have the same sort of feeling in the pit of my stomach about him. I don't want their relationship to go in the direction that everyone (including myself) expects it to go, going off what I've written in the first chapter. I find him incredibly difficult to write, and I think some of that... anxiety(?) translates into my writing. I really want to make him more complex than he appears - one of the reasons why I chose Albus as the Potter "love interest" rather than James who is more often portrayed in this way. We'll see where his character goes.

One review down! The road to getting your mojo back has had an incredibly solid start! I sincerely wish you the best of luck and shall stay up-to-date with all new developments - blog posts, writing updates (when they happen in their own good time), status updates... I'm obviously not coming off as stalkerish :P But seriously, I really appreciate this review!


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Review #31, by TidalDragon {Chapter the Fourth}

9th March 2014:
Here we got some more depth about Ellie's anti-social behavior and a little more about her character in the first portion of the chapter. Most importantly, we got the discovery of the gap in the wall behind the restricted section, which (perhaps crucially?) coincided with the reappearance of the ghost of Regulus Black. That material seemed necessary and that it advanced the story.

Unfortunately it seemed like advancing the plot stopped to an extent with the reappearance of Albus Potter. If Albus and Ellie are going to be an item, I definitely understand having him appear here and having a little back-and-forth. However, the banter between two people who don't like one another seemed to drag on a bit, especially where Albus kept pressing her about who she was talking to. It felt repetitive like some of the early Regulus content from Chapter 2 and again emphasized that little progress was being made, which is bound to make a reader feel like the chapter or scene is dragging.

Pace Detail: 4 of 4

Author's Response: THAT GAP IN THE WALL IS LITERALLY THE FIRST CONCRETE PLOT POINT SO FAR. VERY CRUCIAL. Can you tell how excited I get over finally revealing plot points?

Albus' appearance was also a little necessary. It served to show how she interacts with people who aren't exactly her friends, and also to show that Albus is one nosy bloke who can't help but stick his neck in where it doesn't belong. But most importantly, I wrote him here for the most selfish reason of all: for myself. As a writer, I find him difficult to write, so to challenge myself, I included him here, perhaps a little unnecessarily.

Thanks once again for all the fantabulous reviews. I'm not sure if it comes across in my responses but I really do appreciate them :)


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Review #32, by TidalDragon {Chapter the Third}

9th March 2014:
Shorter follow-up feedback on a shorter chapter here. You did a good job setting up Ellie's friendship with Ben and establishing his personality through their interactions. You also nicely foreshadowed more serious events to come with the commentary about the Sorting Hat song (though I wanted to see all the words if it's going to be important).

The only thing I noticed with pacing here was that it seemed to start a bit slow. Mostly, I thought that was due to the running section. I'm not sure what compelled you to have Ellie explain why she runs, but I didn't feel like it added much to a character who is already going to be heavily developed since she's telling the story and is the main character. Also, based on the background you had already given, I didn't think you needed to explain the presence of both Muggle and wizard papers with parentheticals (though that is just me nitpicking).

Pace Detail: 3 of 4

Author's Response: I chickened out on writing the Sorting Hat song. I can't rhyme to save my life. But maybe someday... I'm glad you liked the foreshadowing though! Reminds people (namely me) that I still have a plot!

I chose to include the running section partly to begin to reveal something about Ellie's personality which isn't quite evident yet, and partly to hint at the kind of relationship she has with her father. It is far more complex than it seemed in the first chapter, and this was just a hint. Perhaps I should look into making that more obvious... plot ideas abound.


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Review #33, by TidalDragon {Chapter the Second}

9th March 2014:
Here you introduced the ghost of Regulus Black, who I gather is going to be significant to the story. It's an interesting choice of a character and you let his personality shine through, though I found it interesting that his behavior was still more appropriate for the age he was when he died. Since these ghosts (and others in canon) seem to retain a sort of consciousness after passing, I think he might have been more mature, even if he still looks the same age as when he died.

Regardless, I thought this was the first place I noticed slow pacing. I know you intended to develop the idea that Regulus is glib and to have Ellie be interrupted a few times, but it felt like the Regulus section dragged on a bit. This was not helped by the fairly repetitious use of variations of the question 'why are you here' which emphasized that progress was not being made.

Also, while I liked the segment about Ginny because you gave us some insight into the Potter's relationship with Ellie (and possibly her family) and did some good appearance-based descriptions, I thought it drug things out a bit as well. It seemed that the point was largely to identify Ginny as a sort of surrogate mother to Ellie and I thought that that goal could have been accomplished more succinctly here or injected carefully in bits and pieces throughout the story.

Pace Detail: 2 of 4

Author's Response: Regulus is VERY significant. As in main supporting cast significant. He'd definitely appear in the series regular part of the main credits if this were a television show :P This is just an introduction to his character, but I didn't want to reveal all aspects just yet. He's matured in some respects but not others.

This chapter is very slow, I know. It's over 3000 words on a ten minute conversation. Writing chapters so far apart creates really weird time dilations. Tighter planning is called for, I believe!


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Review #34, by TidalDragon {Chapter the First}

9th March 2014:
As a follow-up to the overall review you requested, I am adding doing short ones in each chapter to address in-chapter pacing.

In this chapter, you introduced several important characters and walked us through scenes that demonstrated their personalities and relationships with one another. You also nicely introduced Ellie's gift by way of a quasi-flashback.

The only thing that seemed a bit unnecessarily drawn out in my opinion was the lead-in to Rose and Ellie visiting the divination shop. I thought some of the dialogue between them in the book shop could have been culled down a bit while not losing important information about either character or their friendship.

All in all, the pacing seemed fine here.

Pace Detail: 1 of 4

Author's Response: Oh, wowee! That's so lovely of you to take the time out to do that! Thanks a lot!

This chapter is version 2.0. I added about 1500 words to my first published version, and obviously, I had not yet come across the editorial wisdom that you can cull about 50% of your first draft. When I get the chance, I'll see how I can improve pace in that section.


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Review #35, by TidalDragon {Chapter the Fifth}

8th March 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by in response to your request on my review thread.

First off, I enjoy your main character, Ellie, and her development. I think you do a good job choosing her spoken and thinking language to give her a sharp, distinctive personality that is still age-appropriate. I also think your use of her POV in first-person helps supplement that by giving us a more direct view into her head. However, I would say that there are some points where you do a bit more "telling" about her traits/personality than necessary. You do a good enough job of showing things like her awkwardness and anti-social behavior through her actions that I don't think you need to have the character tell us those things directly. I struggle with this at times in my own writing, but I think showing is always better.

I also liked several of your descriptions, particularly the one of the watch that Ginny gives Ellie and of the atmosphere and appearance of the restricted section. I would try to make this happen more frequently going forward, particularly in crucial moments or important interactions, where Ellie is probably going to notice more details.

In terms of your requested feedback on plot development, I do think it feels a bit slow overall. I don't worry too much about slowness in the first two chapters because there is valuable character development there, but I think we are at about the point where we should be getting more about why Regulus is there and the problems Ellie will be facing. If you are going to disclose that there will be a big issue for your main character in the summary, I think it is going to make readers want you to get there a bit quicker.

As far as other things, I did notice a couple of character inconsistencies or absences. First, from the early chapters, you make it appear that Ellie is "the smartest", but later stated that Rose was always the one at the top of the class. Second, it seems a bit odd to me that James (II) and Albus are tall. As I recall from canon, Harry was never particularly tall, and Ginny was frequently described as short or petite. Certainly there are tall Weasleys, but I don't get an indication from canon that Harry has many tall genes in his family so this was a bit surprising. In terms of absences of material, I actually still feel that I have not gotten a clear description of what Ellie looks like - or many of the female characters besides Ginny. It didn't hugely affect my enjoyment of the story, but I did notice it, particularly re: Ellie as the main character.

My last suggestion would be to insert passage of time language or a "horizontal rule"/line break where a passage of time occurs. There was one instance in particular where the absence of this was very confusing at first. In one paragraph, the characters are on the platform getting ready to board the Express and in the next they are in the Great Hall, post-sorting. Because of the absence of that language or a break, I almost thought you had made a canon faux pas by referring to incoming first-years as "new Gryffindor recruits" while they were still on the platform. Luckily I re-read and understood, but some may not.

I think you may easily find your muse again if you find a way to advance things at this point to where the main problem of the story is revealed. Hope this helps you as you continue on!

Author's Response: Hello! Wow, that was quick!

I'm glad you like Ellie. I find it really difficult to get into a story where I don't like the main character, especially if it's in first person. She does have a different take on things so first person seemed like a good option to explore how she perceives the world. I still have a long way to go in terms of description, so I really thank you for your feedback and advice on showing rather than telling. I've made a not of it in my drafts folder and shall endeavour to keep that in mind for chapters to come.

I find describing the little things a really good exercise in descriptive writing, so I'll definitely try and incorporate that more. Thanks for letting me know that it works for you.

Ah, so I am not the only one with concerns about pace! It does feel slow! It's not in my head! Hooray! I'm definitely going to pick up the pace in the next couple of chapters, and get the ball rolling in terms of plot.

That inconsistency in Ellie seeming the smartest, but she believing that it's in fact Rose is something that I explore a little later. And yeah, I consciously made the Potter boys tall. Some of the Weasleys are tall and in the books it's never explicitly mentioned that Harry is short - Daniel Radcliffe is, though. And Ginny is described as being neither tall nor short, so I took a liberty in my description there :P And more physical description - how to describe your main character without having her stare in the mirror and scrutinise herself in minute detail... I WILL FIND A WAY.

Yes! The line thing! I forgot them up the first time I uploaded the chapters and I just haven't gone back to fix that. Shall do at the earliest opportunity!

Thanks so much for this lovely review. I found it incredibly helpful and very constructive, allowing me to view my writing from a fresh perspective :)


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Review #36, by The Ghost Of His Last Laugh {Chapter the Fifth}

25th February 2014:
I really, really like your story so far! Your voice and style of humor is really strong. I think all of your OCs are strong as well. I don't really know what direction your story is going to at this point, so you might want to maybe hint at the conflict you're working towards. But overall, it's a really good fluffy humor story for when someone doesn't want to read anything too heavy. Keep it up, I think it's great!

Author's Response: I'm so glad to hear that you enjoy it. I focus a lot on humour, but I don't want it to be over the top. I get the same feeling from this story - that the readers don't know in what direction it's headed, because I'm taking so long to get there. Definitely something to get to in the next chapter or so! Thanks so much for your review!

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Review #37, by True Author {Chapter the Third}

15th February 2014:
Review Tag! :D

I'm absolutely in love with the idea of starting each chapter with the same sentence. It doesn't only give the feeling of the connection between the chapters, but it's also very original idea and I'm always love it when someone's being original. :)

Ellie! I must say you have a really wonderful character here. She's never out of character and keeps adding those funny comments of hers here and there. I'm loving her more after each chapter and Ben is pretty good too. I feel that the characters and how they should react is very clear in your mind and you write them accordingly. :)

I know I've already said this, but your plot is my most favorite thing about the story. :D

I really enjoyed this! I'm glad I had a chance to come back for another chapter.

Great job!

Ashwini

Author's Response: Those sentences are so hard! I'm glad that they're working! And you think it's original! OMG. So. Flattered.

Ellie is just lovely to write. She thinks about things in her own special way and I absolutely love writing from her point of view. She's never boring to write, that's for sure! We get to know Ben better and better as the story progresses, but it's good that you like his so far!

I'm glad you're enjoying the plot! It's moving pretty slow at the moment, but I hope to have things pick up in the next chapter!

Thanks so much for this wonderful review! I loved hearing from you again :)


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Review #38, by daliha {Chapter the First}

20th January 2014:
Hey! I soo sorry it took me so long to review this for taking so long to review, I think it's a great start but (I hope it doesn't nitpicky.) I think it jumps around a lot and there's lots of dialogue and little description, but it definitely stands out from normal next gen fic.

Author's Response: No worries! And thank you for your critique as well! I'm always looking for ways to improve, and description is definitely a weak point for me! Thanks so much for reading!

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Review #39, by maraudertimes {Chapter the Fifth}

12th January 2014:
Hello!
Sorry this took so long! :S

So you say you want criticisms... There isn't another chapter? Regulus isn't in this? Albus isn't in this?

I honestly don't know. I really liked this chapter! Ellie is someone I can really relate with. While I don't necessarily drink a cup of coffee in the morning, I like a shot of espresso in my hot chocolate and I'm barely able to mumble if I don't.

And it's too bad that her dorm mates aren't necessarily her friends, but at least she has Scorpius and Rose (who are totally cute by the way!).

I think my favourite part of the chapter was:
"All my crushes had either been fictional or unattainable. I hadnít ever considered a situation where Iíd actually want the other person to know that I liked them in that way. There were too many unknown variables for my comfort. What if they didnít like me back? Or worse, what if they did like me back? Then what did I do? Kiss them? Get a puppy together? Ask them to marry me? What was the socially acceptable response in such a situation?"
I cannot tell you how many times in the past three months I have thought something along those lines.

And although there wasn't any Albus or Regulus, there was a lot of ScoRose, which I loved! They are so cute together without even being together that when they're finally together I might explode because of how cute they would be together.

Does that make any sense?

Anyways, this was a really great chapter and I'm really excited to read the next one. Honestly, I couldn't find anything wrong with this, so I'm sorry I couldn't criticise much... Is that something that needs an apology for?

Again, spectacular job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: I request like crazy for this story in your review thread, so it's completely understandable if you take your time getting to the request. Besides, real life is an actual thing which actually requires some attention every now and again!

Regulus was in the last chapter? And Albus is annoyingly difficult to write, so I kinda sorta... avoid writing him sometimes *hangs head in shame*

I'm glad that Ellie is still relateable, even though she's a little eccentric. I think she's actually a bit of a caffeine addict...

My inner ScoRose shipper could not be squelched into silence for another chapter, so I had Ellie be the ScoRose shipper.

I think that's the beauty of crushes - you don't really have to do anything with them if you don't want to. You can just pine away from afar for awhile, and then move on. Romantic relationships are a little more complicated than that, and Ellie understands this in her own special way.

I'm so happy that you also ship ScoRose! You can join Ellie (and me)! We'll make badges and everything!

Thanks so much for this fabulous review. I didn't answer it for a couple of days because I enjoyed staring at it and letting it stroke my ego :P


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Review #40, by soapman333 {Chapter the Fourth}

8th January 2014:
Hello! I reviewed way back when I had a review feed, but I liked this story too much NOT to come back :D.

So, Jack here and let me tell you, Ellie is a hoot.

That was a strange sentence. I'm really bad at this sort of thing...Right, well, here goes:

Regulus is very funny, the way he commented on the argument like it was a tennis match or something. If I was him, I'd do that exact thing, except I'd probably pull more faces. The part where he told Ellie that she's not his type made me giggle like a school girl!

Ellie is fantastic too, because she just is. She has a strong personality with this great character flaw! I'm just buzzing with anticipation for how you finish this story!! You've got to keep going, mate. Love your writing style.

Right, well, I'm off to read the next chapter.

Author's Response: Jack! It's so lovely to hear from you again! *smiles ecstatically*

I'm so glad that you still like Ellie. This chapter was difficult to write, so I was worried that some of my frustrations may accidentally translate into the writing and make it... not so pleasant to read.

Regulus would great as a commentator, I think! I wonder what Regulus' type actually is? Probably ghosts like himself!

Thanks so much for the review! I hope you enjoy the next chapter!


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Review #41, by heartjily4ever {Chapter the Second}

4th January 2014:
heartjily4ever's reviews. I'm sorry this has taken me super duper long to get too. It's been almost 4 months and im so sorry. I've just had tests, and then christmas and i was on holiday and it was one long blur of non stop stuff. But I've finally gotten around to it.

I liked this second chapter a lot more actually. I think it flowed much better, and the plot to this chapter is very good. It's got me curious about the next.

I think you portrayed Regulus really well. He seemed sort of normal enough to be a teenage boy, and pompous enough to have come from the mighty house of Black. But he also didn't seem evil. So i think you did a good job with his character. I always imagined him as really hot as well ;D

I'm also incredibly looking forward to seeing what Regulus is talking about. You did get Doctor who in as well, so i obviously love this chapter

Well Done!!

Author's Response: Hello! I'm always abandoning my review thread, so I'm the last person to complain about time! I'm so glad you could make it!

I like the second chapter more as well, although as an author, I don't think I'm allowed to have favourites :P I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm so happy that you think I struck that balance with Regulus' character. I wanted to write him a bit more like how Sirius is usually written at that age. It's fun to write a character in a way you usually write another character! And of course, to me, everyone in the Black family is hot ;)

One must include Doctor Who wherever one can! Thanks so much for this fantabulous review!


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Review #42, by BookDinosaur {Chapter the Third}

30th December 2013:
Hi! I'm here for the Fourth od the Twelve Days of reviewing, and even though I did skip you in my review thread, I really like this story and this review is way overdue.

I really like how you start each chapter with the same sentence. It brings a feeling of connection to the last chapter and the ones before that. I really enjoy hearing Ellie's sarcastic little comments as the opening lines to every chapter as well. :P It must be so hard to think of them all!

Oh dear, Al and Ellie still don't seem to be getting along that well either. I loved Ellie's statement to prove that she didn't have a small vcobulary range, haha. But is it just me or do they already like each other? I mean, Albus seemed to get a bit angry when she hugged Ben. And she seemed awfully fixated on his 'glinting' shoulders. Hmm.

I really liked Ellie's relationship with Ben, they were really friendly, and well, haven't we all bonded with someone just because they have an awesome pencilcase? Their banter was really fun and light and I really enjoyed reading it.

I loved Ellie's characterisation, she was as sassy and sarcastic as ever and her little asides and one-liners had me cracking up. I's not often story can make me laugh out loud this much. ;) I love her pop culture references as well, Ellie's a lovely girl. Her anecdote about having a crush on James because her saved her life was really funny as well, I enjoyed reading that.

I really liked how she explained that twins weren't exactly alike as well - I have a sister and a brother who are twins, and while they are similar in ways, they're very different as well and I alwasy get irritated when people think twins are carbom copies of one another.

This was an amazing chapter, you can bet I'll be back to read (and hopefully review) this lovely story some more! :D

Author's Response: You left such lovely reviews on the previous chapters! Of course I remember them!

Those. First. Sentences. So. Difficult. I'll often have the entire chapter written and then spend a week trying to figure out a good sentence for the beginning. I'm happy you like them!

Albus is so difficult to write! But yeah, they have a few difference in opinion, that's for sure! And I don't want to say if they like each other or not. I like the whole "will they, won't they?" thing they have right now! But she was a little fixated on his shoulders wasn't she? ... In a really angry way, of course!

I'm glad the story is making you laugh. I've never purposefully written humour before - it just kind of happens that way, but I'm glad that my humour is funny!

I don't have a twin, but I tend to view fraternal twins like any other siblings. There are some siblings who are years apart, but they're still really close and share a brain and everything.

Thanks so much for this lovely review!


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Review #43, by ReeBee {Chapter the Fifth}

26th December 2013:
Hi there! How long did this review take?? That was rhetorical ;) anyway, sorry for the huge period of time between your request and this review!

Anyway, honestly, there isn't me to improve on! It was good! Amazing really! For someone who likes filler chapters (me!) it was perfect! And don't worry about the length! It was fine!

Ellie's characterisation- amazing as usual!! :D I love her- dry and witty! Awesome! The description also was amazing! While u are saying that you're not happy with these. Here I am going, 'wow! This just gets better and better!' Seriously! It's amazing!

My main thing I loved was the flow! It was perfect! Like seriously, amazing control of it! One thing I would recommend is cutting down the description at the beginning- it became a bit boring to read. I enjoyed it- but it felt like it got a bit draggy.

Another thing I would recommend is using line breaks between periods of time. For example, when u changed from breakfast to Herbology, use a line break or even just a '~' or a '**'.

But, other than that, I loved this! Awesome job! :D

Feel free to rerequest when the next chapter comes out :) I love reviewing this story :) great job, as always!

-ReeBee

Author's Response: I have been rather... persistent with my review requests, so it's totally understandable that you took your time!

I also am quite fond of filler chapters as a reader, but as a writer, I always worry about them until they become sandwiched between two plot-heavy chapters. I guess the only way to fix that is to actually write the next chapter though...

Thanks for the feedback on the description! It's an area in which I always struggle, so I look forward to seeing what people have to say about it.

Thanks also for the feedback about the beginning. I've always been a dialogue-heavy writer, and then I go and decide to write this beginning with no dialogue and focus on my weak suit. Thanks for the tip!

Line breaks... must be added, I completely agree!

Thanks so much for this wonderful review!


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Review #44, by Cavell {Chapter the Second}

25th December 2013:
I will start off by saying I am unbelievably sorry about how long I took to get to this review! In fact, you probably don't even remember requesting it, it was that long ago :( Nevertheless, I am finally here with your review, and I hope it's long enough to make up for how long it took to get to you.

Can I just say that I absolutely love Ellie's humour and being inside her head in general :''D She is just so sarcastic, in a nice kind of way, that's totally refreshing and I just really love how you've characterised her! Regulus, too -- her thoughts about his appearance and arrogance was just so amusing to me. To get away from your brilliant characters (as I will touch on them later), I thought the opening scene was very well done, as it had just the right amount of internal dialogue and description to set the scene for me, so good job on that! I also enjoyed your one-liners -- "And dead, but who really cared about such trivial things?" and the whole thing about Regulus' smile stepping down a notch.

(I am terribly sorry for rambling and gushing like a lunatic, by the way. I promise I'm not usually like this. For some reason your story does this to me.)

I also loved (you'll be hearing that a lot from me, haha!) the touch on how Ellie's one of those people who actually cares about school and isn't a swot about it. Honestly, when most authors attempt to have a character like that, they usually end up as a terribly nerdy type of person and it's perfectly possible to care about grades and not be stuck-up about it, so well done on that. Also, I've seen stories about people seeing ghosts before and I'm just really glad Ellie didn't make a big fuss about it or scream or something. You make the whole thing just sound very natural, which was lovely to read.

Regulus' character -- told you we'd go back to this -- was also terribly amusing. While I could say I thought he was being rather childish, I actually think this was appropriate considering how long he's been around the earth and aged into modern times (and besides, all boys are annoying, so you hit the nail on the head there) and while it is a bit odd he's still around as a ghost (you'd think almost defeating Voldemort would leave one satisfied enough to move on, yes?) I just loved the idea and think it's just really original.

AGAIN, YOUR ONE-LINERS. CRYING. I just needed to get that out of my system, apologies. Also, I absolutely adored Ginny. I thought she was very in character, and I just love the thought of her being the cool mum and just ahh. This chapter was just brilliant all in all, and even though there was literally only four characters in it and it was long it was honestly a wonderful read and asdfghjkl favouriting. Thank you for requesting (feel free to re-request, and I promise not to take so long this time!), as it was my pleasure!

--Linn

Author's Response: No worries about the late review! I totally make up for it by giving you a late response :P

I'm so glad that you like Ellie's headspace. She's different from all my other MCs because no one thinks quite like her. Her thought processes are a little strange, and she's very aware of what kind of person she is, and that can be quite disconcerting to write at times.

Regulus is just the best character to write. I've taken a lot of liberties with his character, and I think that adds to his charm. He's totally unexpected, and I'm so happy that people are still able to connect with him.

Oh, it's lovely to hear you being so honest about this story! I'm just so flattered that it's all good things.

Yeah, Ellie cares about school, and later on, I want to touch on how caring about school, and then being good at it (because she is) actually causes a little strain with her peers. No one likes a swot, and caring about one's education can often be perceived that way. I'm so happy that you don't feel like she is though! And Ellie's been seeing ghosts for too long to run screaming! For her, it is a natural thing, seeing dead people.

I'm always worried about the one-lines. I think they're funny. Are other people going to think they're funny too? And thank you on your feedback on Ginny. She's very different from all the characters I've ever written, and it was difficult for me to write as her.

Thank you so much for this wonderful review! I really appreciate you taking the time to take a look at it :)


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Review #45, by SkyEcho {Chapter the Third}

23rd December 2013:
I absolutely loved reading this chapter! It flowed really nicely and I enjoyed the humour throughout. With every chapter, I like Ellie more and more! She's so funny and I can definitely relate to her aversion to physical exercise :) I look forward to learning more about Ben. I thought he came across as a really nice guy - and it's nice to see Ellie so comfortable around him.
Ahh the sorting hat song - really clever way to drop another clue into what's going to happen down the road. I can't wait to find out what happens next!
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!

Author's Response: It's so wonderful to hear from you again! I'm glad that you enjoyed it, especially that Ellie is growing on you. I hate physical exercise even more than she does, if that can be believed. Ben has more in store for him - but yes, essentially he's just a really nice guy!

The Sorting Hat always creeped me out, and it seemed like the perfect vessel for some good ol' foreshadowing.

Happy Holidays to you too, and thanks for reviewing :)


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Review #46, by kenpo {Chapter the Second}

21st December 2013:
Hey! Here for your requested review! My review style is a little weird, I write most of it while reading, not after. I hope you don't mind.

Thoughts While Reading:

Oooo, Regulus! Will he be heavily involved in this? I hope so! Ooo, I'm intrigued.
I would love to be fed two minute noodles at birthday parties. Does that make me weird?
I like the description of his teeth. A little weird, but in a good way. Her reaction to him seems natural to her character as I know her so far.
Haha, snarky ghosts. I like it. If he sticks around, will they do a lot of arguing?
I like the back-and-forth between Ellie and Chris.
Typo! Dihydrogen, not dihyrdrogen in "a nice, refreshing drink of dihyrdrogen monoxide"
I'm really really liking Regulus!
--
Mrs. P. That's so weird, I'm so used to her being Ginny!
I think straitjacket is either one word, or hyphenated strait-jacket.
I like Ellie's internal freak-out.
Was giving the watch just a Weasley tradition? I thought it was a wizard tradition.

General Thoughts:
Again, I'm gonna say that I think the characters are developing well! They're believable, and that's refreshing. You're showing multiple relationships, and they all seem really interesting. You have a lot that's implied but not really said, which I think makes the story stronger.
The whole sequence of Ginny giving Ellie the watch was really insightful into not only Ellie as a person, but how her gift effects her life. I enjoyed her interactions with her brother. I'm fairly certain that her and Albus' relationship will not be static throughout the novel. I do hope that we see more of her father, and her and Chris interacting with him!
My one major critique would be that Ginny sort of seems like a generic mother, and not really like a character.

Overall, very good!

Author's Response: Haha, don't worry about the way you write reviews! I like writing running reviews myself, and then summing things up at the end!

Regulus is a supporting character, yes. He's too much fun just for one appearance. Two minute noodles are the best thing in the entire world. I hope to develop Ellie and Chris' relationship further. They're close, but because there's secrets between them, it makes for an interesting dynamic. Thanks for pointing out that typo, as well as the tip on straitjacket.

I'm glad that you think character development is on track. It's something that really annoys me when it's not done properly. The relationships can be a challenge to juggle, so fingers crossed on that front! Thanks for the feedback on Ginny. I'll see what I can do!

Thanks so much for the feedback!


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Review #47, by kenpo {Chapter the First}

21st December 2013:
Hey, here's your review! I'm going to leave a more detailed review on the second Chapter.

Overall, I really liked this. You managed to have an informal writing style without it seeming really... what's the word I'm looking for? I don't know... it seems very carefully written to read like it was just words flying off the page. I mean that as a good thing.
The concept is really interesting. I've never thought that there might be more than one type of ghost.
I like your characters. They're flawed and that makes them more real. I think their Dad makes me sad. It doesn't seem like he's a bad father, just a broken person.

I think this was a good first chapter. Even if I didn't promise you a review on chapter 2, I'd be reading it.

Author's Response: Oh, it's so lovely of you to leave a review on the first chapter, especially because you really didn't have to. I really appreciate you doing that, as well as your thoughts and feedback.

It's difficult to write casual prose without it coming off as sounding like I wrote the first thing that popped into my head. I think there's a fine line between good and bad casual prose. I'm glad that you thought it was done well!

You're spot on about their dad - he's not a bad father, he's just grieving over his late wife.

Thanks so much for the review, once again!


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Review #48, by smitlikesllamas {Chapter the Fifth}

20th December 2013:
Hey! It seems so weird that this will be my last chapter for a while! I mean, I knew that there were only five, but I feel like it's been a lot more than that. I don't know what I'm going to do without my most loyal review requester. :P

Anyway, you mentioned in your last response to my last review that I might be a lot like Ellie. I can see that. I mean, I do what I can to avoid people who aren't my closest friends, especially early in the morning. There are other reasons too, but that's really it. I can only hope that I'm as witty and clever as she is though. I just kind of want to be her. She's pretty cute. I mean, I'll leave behind all the ghostie business, but other than that, she's pretty darn cool. :P

Haha, anyway this was a fairly uneventful chapter. I'm not sure what to comment on, other than ScoRose is almost a thing and that makes me giddy. I do love me some ScoRose. They're precious and perfect. I like how you write them together. I'm glad they aren't like any other couple from previous generations (Jily for example) because Rose and Scorpius aren't other couples. They are ScoRose and no one else is. They are different people in a different relationship (I wonder how many different ways I could rephrase the same sentence. :P ) and I hope you remember that as their relationship grows and develops. :)

I would also like to say that I kind of liked the insight to Ellie's everyday routine. Get up early, run for an hour, go to breakfast, be antisocial until the caffeine kicked in, and then go to class. It was nice to see what she likes to do, other than explore walls in the library. ;P

This was a good, if short, chapter. I hope you remember to request the next chapter when it gets validated in January (assuming you finish it by then, I mean) :)

~Smit

Author's Response: Haha, that's so sweet of you! Now someone else will probably get a chance to finally request :P

I'm glad that you find yourself relating to Ellie a lot. You had these fantastic ideas about where Ellie and Al's relationship would go in your last review, and I was like "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT ELLIE DOES WITH POOR ROSE AND SCORPIUS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OMG" And I dunno... I'd kinda want to do the whole ghostie thing, except that I write this in a way where Ellie finds it really annoying, but I watched too much Ghost Whisperer to really hate the ability.

I thought about writing ScoRose like Jily, actually, but then Ellie and Al have a really Jily dynamic already, and I thought that maybe I should use just one cliche once per story. I've never really read stories where their relationship develops in the background, so it'll be interesting to write their journey through Ellie's eyes.

Ellie is borderline OCD about her routine. She gives Rose a lot of flack over her obsession with the prefects' roster, but if it happened to Ellie, she'd be having a fit.

Thanks so much for your wonderful reviews! They've been such a pleasure to read, and I really appreciate your wonderful support!


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Review #49, by HerEyesOnMeGazing {Chapter the Fifth}

17th December 2013:
heehee still love her. I really enjoy how you develop the character dynamics and relationships. I'm also still loving Ellie's sass (and her distaste for quidditch!)

Author's Response: Five chapters and no hate yet? Mission accomplished! She has infiltrated your heart, and that's right where I want her. MUHAHAHA! Thanks so much for your review! It means a lot that you took the time to read this :)

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Review #50, by HerEyesOnMeGazing {Chapter the First}

17th December 2013:
I was going to save my review until chapter 5, but this chapter was just too funny not to give you kudos for. Between the frozen nips and the cake sense, I was literally laughing out loud. Love Ellie so far, excited to read on!

Author's Response: I'm so happy that you're enjoying it! I love writing Ellie and her funny ways!

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