Reading Reviews for The Fourth Daughter
  
89 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Santa The Pavilion

16th December 2013:
Hi there, it's Santa here! As I'm sure you're aware, I spend most of my time in the North Pole, but our paths may have crossed in the Hufflepuff Common Room... Anyway, I am here to read and review this lovely story, and as long as my elves keep up the job in my workshop, I should be able to do all sixteen chapters by Christmas!

I haven't read The Twelve Dancing Princesses, so I don't know how much of this story is based on that, and how much of it that is yours, but after reading this first chapter, I am very intrigued! I am very curious to find out Desiya's relationship to Rowena Ravenclaw, but I suppose it will be explained later on in the story. Also, Helga Hufflepuff being their governess fascinates me, and I can't wait to see more of her character, and how she'll go from that to founding Hogwarts (if that's part of this story. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it is).

Twelve sisters is a lot of characters! Again, I don't know if this idea is yours or the Grimm Brothers', but naming them in alphabetical order is brilliant, because it helps the reader keep track of them. I wasn't confused at all, so good job on that! Although it might take me a few more chapters to learn all of their names ;)

There are so many things I want to learn more about: this silver forest that they found, their father and his grief, and obviously, the question of who was watching them dance. And how the forest is connected to their palace. So to sum things up I have to say it's been a highly successful first chapter, because I can't wait to read more!

One of my favourite things about it, though, is something I haven't yet mentioned: your writing style. It fits this era so perfectly, and I feel as though each word has been carefully selected to do just that. It is great and I honestly felt as if I was reading some old, classic literature! Your descriptions were wonderful and perfect in amount - not too little and not too much, which can be tricky. So good job there too! All in all, I think that this was a terrific first chapter that you should be very content with. I noticed one typo in the first paragraph: "her hazel eyes *shone* brightly." (Everyone does it, but I thought I'd point it out-I find that I just go blind when it comes to my own writing and easily miss out on them, so sometimes I need a fresh pair of eyes to help out).

Like I said, great chapter and great writing! I look forward to reading more!! Duty is calling right now, though - I've got lots of toys to make before Christmas is here!

Author's Response: Hello!
I'm so, so happy you enjoyed this first chapter! It was a lot of fun to write, and I'm thrilled that it kept you interested, since I had quite a lot of introductions to do with twelve sisters involved!
Naming them in alphabetical order was something that I've seen done in other adaptations of this story, and in the Grimms' version I don't think the girls are even named. Probably because there are so many of them!
Thank you so much for the compliment about my writing style! I love this story because I get to use lots of description and classic fairytale elements that would seem over the top in a modern setting. I just have a really clear mental picture of the girls' bedroom and the forest and the dresses they wear to name a few things. I'm thrilled that I made that come across in writing and that you enjoyed it!
Thank you so much for the lovely review!
Cassie :)


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Review #27, by teh tarik The Consequences

1st December 2013:
Cassie! ♥

Wow! It's been ages since I read this fic, and I'm so SO glad you updated! I really do love this, the AU-ness of it and the fairytale premise...I've probably already said all of this in my previous reviews. But yeah, just...coming back to this story after so many months feels great. Your chapter lengths though short are perfect for this story, and the pacing is great.

I was really intrigued when Dezzy spoke of the king to her sisters, "That was not our father." I was wondering what on earth she could have meant by that; does she simply mean that grief and solitude and mourning for his dead wife has turned him into a completely different person, someone who is cold and controlling and completely uncaring of his daughters' feelings? Or did she mean that there is something more sinister at play here, that something or someone is influencing their father (could be Aunt Rowena ahah! I dislike her more and more with each passing chapter), slowly changing him into a more heartless figure? Speaking of Rowena, I never thought she would be trivial enough to resort to spying on her nieces. Ugh.

And wow. Dezzy is ill. This 'tiredness' of hers, I was wondering, could it have anything to do with the bracelet Salazar gifted her? After all, she slips it on unthinkingly, and perhaps it's possessing her, probably leaching away her energy slowly. Maybe Salazar is slowly absorbing her life and energy, growing stronger so he can break free from that mysterious place he seems to be trapped in. CREEPY. Or maybe I'm just imagining things and that I'm actually nowhere close to guessing.

At any rate, I loved this chapter, Cassie! Great work as always, and I hope you update this story soon! ♥

-teh

Author's Response: Hi teh!
It has been so long since you left this review, I'm a little embarrassed that I'm just responding to it now! Life just got crazy and busy for a while!
When Dezzy is talking about her father, she is really thinking about the way his grief has affected him. It's been really interesting for me to play with, especially in contrast to how this sisters are doing when they were grieving for their mother at the same time their father was grieving for his wife. The different ways they've coped with it, and how different people deal with tragedy, is really fascinating to me, and it's been fun to experiment with! And Aunt Rowena isn't helping the situation at all! She has no shame when it comes to getting what she wants, and will most definitely get a servant to spy on the girls for her.
Dezzy's tiredness is another thing I'm really enjoying working with. All the circumstances of her life are a lot for her to handle, especially because she bottles things up more than some of her sisters. She has a lot on her mind all the time, and is being pulled in a million different directions because of it, so in the future we will continue to see how that affects her!
I'm so, so glad you enjoyed this chapter and have stuck with me during my little hiatuses! I promise there is more of this story to come!
Cassie :)


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Review #28, by Gabriella Hunter The Consequences

27th November 2013:
HellO!

Hey there, I told you that I'd be back and here I am with your review. I've missed reviewing so much and annoying people...
Anyhoo!
I am so glad to know what's going on with the girls this time but I'm horrified by what actually happened. Dezzy's father is terrible! What on earth has happened to him? I can't believe that he had them stop taking their lessons with Helga! God, I didn't see that one coming, I sort of thought that he would just sit there and glare at them, possibly say how worthless they were. Which, I guess, he sort of did in a rather eloquent way that my characters can't quite seem to grasp. Anyway, I was really feeling for the girls and the way you described the scene and Dezzy's nerves was just perfection. I could barely draw in a breath reading it and at the end, I had this really awful feeling. What's going on with her?!
But anyway, I love the bit with Bea, she showed some real heart and caring. It was a moment that was both tender and a bit sad, considering how their father treats them and I can't wait to see what happens next.
I think, out of all this I caught two grammar things but that's about it! Otherwise, it was gorgeous and I'm really hoping you'll update soon!
Now, on to Holding On and your one-shot!
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!!!
I'm so glad to see you back here again! Your reviews are always so wonderful!
The king is really hard for me to write sometimes, and this was one of those times. He is so cruel to them, but the hard thing about writing that is justifying everything that he does. He's not cruel for the sake of being mean, he really thinks that structuring every single thing in the girls' lives will make it easier to deal with the passing of their mother. The problem is that he doesn't want to think about her at all, because it hurts, and that grief has taken his intentions way too far. In a twisted way, he does think he's helping everyone, including himself, but he can't see that he's actually hurting his own daughters. And, of course, Rowena really doesn't help. Between the two of them, I really think she's the nastier one!
I loved writing the moment between Dezzy and Bea. The sisters really do take care of one another, and I wanted to show how much they love each other.
I'm so happy you enjoyed this chapter! Once life isn't so crazy for me, I'll definitely get caught up on your work! Thank you so, so much for the review!
Cassie :)


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Review #29, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Governess

9th September 2013:
Ack, a Clyffie! Oh no! How did he find out?!? I hope it wasn't the chamber maid with the slippers again!! :( That's so sad! I'm really worried about what's going to happen now!

And there are no more chapters for me to read and review right now! :( Please update soon!! ♥

Author's Response: The King's response will not be good, and things won't improve for the girls! I am going to try and update as soon as I can! Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Cassie :)


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Review #30, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Bracelet

9th September 2013:
*Gasps* Dun dun DUN!! I had a feeling something like this was coming from the moment Salazar was mentioned, but with the way he's been so kind, I completely forgot about it! I'm wondering if the bracelet is a horcrux or something... OH I really hope nothing bad happens!

*Scurries off to next chapter*

Author's Response: Salazar is really mysterious, which is just the way he likes it, so you'll just have to wait to see what he's up to!
Cassie :)


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Review #31, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Perfect Daughter

9th September 2013:
Okay, I actually cried this time. This was so sad!! I really feel that Dezzy told her father the things she needed to get off her chest, and I really think those were things that he needed to hear! But, unfortunately, they don't seem to have had any effect on him whatsoever. :( I really hope that changes soon!

I really loved how Godric was there for Dezzy, and how he told her that the court was wrong. It really brought a smile to my face when he kissed her hand, too!

Awesome chapter, off to the next! Great job!

Author's Response: It was hard for me to write the scene with Dezzy and her father. He is really, really harsh, and nothing gets through to him, which makes all the hope Dezzy has just fall to pieces. But Godric was there for her! He's one of my favorite characters to write. Thank you for the review!
Cassie :)


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Review #32, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Slipper

9th September 2013:
I almost cried WITH Dezzy after that scene! I mean, really, there are tears built up in my eyes right now; I think you did an amazing job of conveying her emotions!

It almost felt like the chamber maid betrayed Dezzy when she brought the slipper. I mean, really, why did she have to do that?

And then as soon as Dezzy said "Mother", her father told her to stop... it's so sad!

I really hope there's not going to be any backlash! Off to read the next chapter now!

Great chapter!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you thought her emotions felt real! That was the goal with this. I want people to be able to relate with the character, even if her life is crazy and fantastical. Dezzy's relationship with her father is really intense, and writing it is definitely a process!
Cassie :)


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Review #33, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Return

9th September 2013:
After all of the day's stresses, I certainly think the girls needed to escape for a while! It's really sad that they feel even less comfortable when their father's home. I know he's still grieving over their mother, but I really hope he can snap out of it soon to realize how miserable his daughters are.

Anyway, another brilliant chapter, and I'm off to number 12! Well done!

Author's Response: The girls' father is really tough for me to write. His views of things are really warped by his grief, which makes him blind to the fact that he's hurting his daughters, who are just as sad about losing their mother as he is about losing his wife. I'm so glad you liked the chapter! Thank you for the review!
Cassie :)


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Review #34, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Friendship

9th September 2013:
EEk! This chapter was so good! I must read more, NOW!! ♥

10/10!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the 10/10! I'm glad you liked the chapter!
Cassie :)


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Review #35, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Cottage

9th September 2013:
I'm really glad that Dezzy's got Godric to confide in, but I'm also really worried that Rowena will catch them together and either fire Godric or forbid Dezzy to speak to him. :(

I was also really glad that Dezzy spoke up to defend Helga, and I really hope the girls "improve" so that they can continue lessons with her!

Awesome chapter, off to the next!!

Author's Response: I love how different Helga and Rowena are. It makes them really fun for me to write! Also, I love that the girls have someone close to a parental figure, since I don't think their father really counts. Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Cassie :)


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Review #36, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Lover's Knot

9th September 2013:
Yay! I'm really glad the girls got to go back to the Pavilion! They could definitely use a break from everything that's been going on lately!

And now... I must read more!! Excellent chapter, dear!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!
Cassie :)


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Review #37, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Arrival

9th September 2013:
Oh, I really hope Rowena warms up to the girls! And I'm very curious as to how all four founders are going to meet up and form Hogwarts (if that's going to happen in this story). I'm also really curious as to how the whole Salazar/Dezzy/Godric thing is going to be a factor in that!

Another great chapter, off to the next!

Author's Response: Actually, Hogwarts won't be formed in this story. It gets more AU as it goes along, especially where the characters are concerned! Thank you for the review!
Cassie :)


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Review #38, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Letter

9th September 2013:
Aaaannd there's Rowena!! They're all here now! I can't wait to see what's going to happen!

I'm sorry this review is so short, but I've got to scurry off and read the next chapter now!!

Well done!!

Author's Response: Rowena has arrived! I hope you liked her characterization! Thank you so much for your thoughts!
Cassie :)


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Review #39, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Library

9th September 2013:
I have to admit, I felt really, really bad for Dezzy in this chapter. The poor girl can't go ANYWHERE without being followed by a flock of sisters! And any time she does escape for a little while, they show up within a matter of seconds! And then there's Addie, always telling her what to do... No wonder she needs an escape!

Anyway, this is a lovely chapter and I can't wait to read the next!

Author's Response: I felt quite bad for Dezzy in this chapter, as well. She just wants some time to think, and she can't get that when her sisters are constantly around. But they do really love her and care about her, which is why they get so upset that she goes off to the pavilion alone. They all want to protect her. Thank you for yet another review!
Cassie :)


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Review #40, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Stable Hand

9th September 2013:
Godric's here! *Raises eyebrow* So where's Rowena? I'm slowly beginning to think that this castle the girls live in is actually Hogwarts castle... before it was Hogwarts.

And why do I get the feeling that something bad is about to happen with Dezzy alone in the forest?

*Scurries off to read next chapter*

Well done, dear!

Author's Response: Yay Godric! Three of four founders have now been introduced! I'm so glad you've enjoyed the story so far! Thank you so much for all of these reviews!
Cassie :)


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Review #41, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Fan Dance

9th September 2013:
I'm really, really anxious to see what the King will say/think when he reads Dezzy's letter. And I'm really eager to see where this thing with Salazar is going!

When Helga found out that the girls had been dancing, I was afraid she might find out about their secret hiding spot. But thankfully, it's still a secret for now! :D

Another great chapter, and I'm off to the next!

Author's Response: I love writing Helga! She's very sweet to the girls, and it's very fun for me to write, since no one else really acts like a parental figure for them to look up to.
Thank you so much for the review!
Cassie :)


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Review #42, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Second Night

8th September 2013:
*Gasps* And now Salazar's here, too!?

I really, really hope he's not up to something sneaking, but something tells me otherwise...

This was another wonderful chapter, dear, and I thought you did a very good job with portraying the time in which this was written. The way you explained Dezzy being upset that her ankles were showing was very realistic... well done!

Author's Response: Yes, Salazar has come into the picture!
His character is very vague, which is one of my favorite things about writing him, because I get to reveal who he is very, very slowly. Thank you for such a lovely review!
Cassie :)


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Review #43, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Pavilion

8th September 2013:
Hey there, dear!

First off, let me congratulate you on winning Featured Story!! :) And now, to your review!

This is a very intriguing first chapter, and it's already got me craving more! I have so many questions, and I can't wait for them to be answered!

One, for example, is how these girls and their father are related to Rowena Ravenclaw. And I was quite shocked to see Helga Hufflepuff there, too!! I'm also really concerned about who's watching them dance!

Anyway, an awesome chapter and I can't wait to read the next! 10/10!

Author's Response: Hi Jayde!
Thank you so much! I'm thrilled that people voted for my story! :)
I'm so happy you liked the opening chapter, and that it left you with questions! That's a good thing since I'm trying to make this at least a little mysterious! Haha :)
Cassie :)


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Review #44, by teh tarik The Governess

18th August 2013:
Hi Cassie!

Gah, first of all, I'm so sorry it's taken me quite some time to get to your latest chapter. Oh, the sacrifices I make for RL! :P

So the title of this chapter is The Governess, and I'm guessing this is from the scene between Mistress Helga and Dezzy, which I loved and really enjoyed reading because it was such a moment of warmth and consolation for Dezzy. Helga's patience and tenderness toward all the girls is so wonderful to read, and it really does fit our knowledge of Helga Hufflepuff from canon. I loved the description of her chambers and how welcoming and cosy it is; I'm guessing this is a reference (of a sort) to the snug Hufflepuff common room and dorms in Hogwarts? Anyway, as I mentioned earlier, the conversation between Helga and Dezzy was lovely, and it must be such a relief for poor Dezzy, who is becoming increasingly despondent. From this scene, it's clear that Helga is the only adult in this story so far who has shown any true patience and tenderness toward Dezzy and the other girls; their father is detached and cold, and so is Aunt Rowena, and I have this strange feeling that Salazar unsettles (as well as excites) Dezzy too much to be a source of comfort. Helga's character is such a contrast to Rowena.

I love that little sister-to-sister talk with Ettie; she certainly is a little drama queen. :P I can just sense the uneasiness lingering in the girls' thoughts, at the possibility of them being separated and shipped off to be married to people they don't know before they're even ready. I think for these girls, separation from each other would be a really heavy blow to each and every one of them; after all, they grew up together, and turned to each other for comfort and care in the absence of parental figures.

And my goodness, what an ending! The King has found out! And I'm sure he's in a right old but completely irrational rage. It's terrifying, but it's also incredibly maddening that he would be so angry at his daughters just because they're dancing, and his dead wife loved to dance when she was alive. Ugh, the king's grief is honestly so unhealthy and detrimental and oppressive toward his own daughters. I honestly can't wait to find out what happens next!

This was a lovely chapter, Cassie! I really enjoyed reading this and I'm so glad you updated. :D Lovely writing, as always ♥

teh

Author's Response: Hi teh!
I loved writing that scene between Dezzy and Helga, simply because Helga loves the girls so much, and is willing to actually listen to them. They need someone to be there for them, and although Dezzy now has Godric to talk to, before they met she would have only had Helga to talk to after her mother died.
The description of Helga's room is supposed to be reminiscent of the Hufflepuff common room, with the colors, the warmth, and the plants everywhere. I wanted to keep that element as part of Helga's character, because I feel like the descriptions we have of the common room fit her so well.
Ettie is so much fun for me to write! She's so overdramatic about everything, which means I can make her way over the top, and it hopefully provides some comic relief to the darker moments of this story! But this conversation was one where I wanted to show a more genuine side of her, because she really does worry about being forced away from her sisters. As much as she teases Dezzy about running away with Godric, she really wants what Dezzy has. Ettie would love meeting a guy like that and being friends with him, especially if it meant she could get away from the pretty dreary day to day life the girls are stuck in with their aunt and father.
And yes the king has found out! And the fact that he's furious just makes things worse for the girls. His grief has really twisted his view of the world, and I think h forgets that his daughters loved their mother just has much as he did, and that they suffered, too. The difference is that the girls want to remember her, not shut the memories out because they're painful.
I'm so happy you're enjoying where I'm taking this story, and that you continue to enjoy it! Thank you so much for taking the time to keep reading and reviewing!!!
Cassie :)


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Review #45, by Gabriella Hunter The Governess

12th August 2013:
Hello!

Cassie, its always such a pleasure coming back to your work! I'm so sorry that its been a while since I've last reviewed for you, I don't have internet at home and life sucks without it. I'm going through withdrawal...
But on to this! Ah, the girls and their suffering with Rowena. I really love these scenes because it shows so much range with the girl's personalities and I just adore Bea. She's hilarious but Dezzy was too busy wondering about Salazar? Could it be that she's starting to have deeper feelings for him? Argh, I would love to know! I'm sort of worried that there's going to be more going on with those two and it was great that Mistress Helga noticed how distant she's been. I really liked the brief information you gave on her, I had wondered about her personal life for a while now. :D
But the issue with their father is growing and what about Godric? What about their golden-haired babies?! D': I want that to happen!!! But gosh, that ending...I'm so worried! D':
What's their father going to do?!
I can't wait for the next chapter, this was simply fantastic and I'm really rooting for the girls! I hope they won't stop going to dance because of this and I Aunt Rowena doesn't become suspicious...
On my end, expect Abandon in a little while and after that we've got A Force of Blaise. Hahahahah.
Until then and thanks for the read!
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!
I had so much fun writing another scene with Rowena, even if she is so mean! I love the range of the girls' personalities, too, and their reactions to their aunt really shows that! And Bea never fails to make me smile when I'm writing her! She's never afraid to hide her emotions!
And Dezzy and Salazar... Things with him will continue to slowly develop, so don't worry! But things may surprise you, too! Heehee. I loved writing Helga, because she was the Founder I'd developed the least, but I've loved her character throughout this story. She's the closest thing the girls have to a mother, and they're all very dear to her.
You'll just have to wait and see what their father does! but I can tell you that it's not going to be pretty!
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this! You're reviews are always so wonderful! I can't wait for Abandon!
Cassie :)


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Review #46, by Gabriella Hunter The Bracelet

15th June 2013:
BOo!

I told you that I'd be back. So I love that I'm all caught up on this story now and you've actually got me kind of nervous. But anyway, what I really enjoyed the kinship between Dezzy and her sisters and I was really surprised by Addie. I think she's shown some good growth as a character and I wonder how rebellious she'll be in the future in regards to she and her sister's welfare.
On the other hand...I'm kind of starting to think that the girls going to see Salazar is not such a good idea. The imagery you used though was simply perfection and I could see it so celarly in my head and really enjoyed getting back in touch with it. It feels so otherworldly but slightly strange...I don't know why but I think something really bizarre happened while she and Salazar danced. Was there a time leap of some sort? Are she and her sisters becoming addicted to the pavilion? Argh, the questions...I hope you update for this soon!
Salazar gave her a present too, I wonder does it have some sort of magic? Does it draw her to him more? What is she going to do about her father and Godric?! ARGH! Update soon please! :D
No Cc's either, just that I'd have liked a bit of a longer chapter. Hehehe.
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: I have you nervous? Good! That's what I was going for! ;)
I really wanted the sisters to come even closer after Dezzy horrible conversation with the King, and I think Addie's transformation was the most major during that. Being the oldest, she has this sense of duty to do what her father wants, while also protecting her sisters, and I think this chapter is when she finally understands that thinking of the girls first is the only way she can really look out for them and their happiness.
I'm thrilled that you liked the imagery! I have such a clear picture in my head of Salazar and the pavilion, that I want to make it as clear as possible when I'm actually writing it. And when she and Salazar danced, time still passed how it normally does, but Dezzy was so absorbed in their dance that she feels like no time at all has passed, even though it's been hours. And the bracelet that Salazar gave her isn't what it seems, and will be important in the story, so keep an eye out for it!
Thank you so much for such a wonderful review! I'm so happy you're enjoying this story, even as it gets darker and more bizarre and mysterious. Thanks again!!! I really can't say thank you enough!
Cassie :)


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Review #47, by Gabriella Hunter The Perfect Daughter

15th June 2013:
Hello!

Hey, I told you that I'd pop on over here and here I am. I'm not a liar you know! So its great being back with the girls and I'm terribly sad that they haven't snuck back to the pavilion yet. But with what happened in the last chapter I can't really blame them and I was really feeling sorry for Dezzy in this chapter. I could totally understand what she was goign through and I think you wrote her and her father's confrontation very brilliantly. He didn't seem to want to acknowledge that he had a problem in not talking with the girls and I really hated that about his character just then.
I'm wondering what's going to break through to him with that and I feel so bad for Dezzy, trying to express herself and then being shut down. What I didn't expect was for her to go to Godric, I thought that she would run to Salazar! But oh, the sweetness! I just want that ship to work out between her and Godric! I want that to happen so badly! I think the little kiss he gave her on her hand was just sheer perfection, I sort of had to contain myself but then was so upset when she decided to go to the pavilion.
Its strange on some level that Godric's kiss made her so happy and then she goes to see Salazar and dance. I wonder if she's either confused or just fascinated by him that it doesn't matter? Hm.
Well, this was a great chapter and I'm moving on to teh next one right now! :D
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!
I was really mean to poor Dezzy in this chapter, huh? But you're so good at torturing your female leads, so the fact that you thought I did a good job means a lot! :) They didn't want to take their chances sneaking off to the pavilion, so that's why they held off for a while.
Dezzy and her father have a really damaged relationship, but like Addie says, it isn't unfixable yet. Dezzy has to reach out to her father if she wants to keep the hope of getting along with him some day! But the King really isn't a good listener, and is way too wrapped up in his grief over losing his wife to hear what Dezzy is trying to tell him. The most fatal mistake he makes is not giving himself time to accept his wife's death, and try to reconnect with the girls. He's really hurting himself, because he doesn't understand that his daughters feel the same way he does!
It's going to take a lot to break through to him, and it won't be very soon, either. Sometimes extreme measures must be taken, though!
And I thought Dezzy would go to Godric because he's almost the complete opposite of her father. He listens to her, and tries to comfort her and make her happy. He doesn't put her status before the fact that she's human and that she's unhappy being forced to play the role of perfect daughter and princess.
And the end of this chapter was really interesting for me to write, simply because I wanted it to have a certain tone. His kiss makes her go to the pavilion because she associates it with freedom on one level. That's where the girls go to dance, and where Dezzy feels like she has the freedom to do what she loves and be herself. It's less about Salazar in that moment, and more about the dancing itself.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for the lovely review!
Cassie :)


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Review #48, by teh tarik The Bracelet

7th June 2013:
Hello Cassie! Took me some time to get to your chapter, but I'm so glad I'm here now! I'm afraid this will be a rather brief review because it's nearly three in the morning and I've been working all day :)

But I'm so pleased to see the development in this chapter! It's quite interesting that you mentioned in the author's note that you weren't expecting this turn in Dezzy's character. Because I think this was a great turn of events. The girls have been dancing and visiting Salazar for quite a number of times now since the story started and they discovered the mysterious world behind Dezzy's bed, and little has happened with Salazar. I've always had the impression that he's been waiting quietly and patiently, biding his time for whatever deed he's about to do. He's been quite a sinister character and despite the girls' many meetings with him, nothing about his motives or backstory is revealed. You've really established a good sense of mystery - of complete unreadability - about his character. And now I'm really excited to see that he's begun to act by giving Dezzy that strange magical bracelet.

It is a very intriguing gesture, and the bracelet seems like a highly magical object, and I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't exactly the purest of gifts, either. Your last paragraph was really beautifully written; it was chilling and there was a deep sense of unease to it. I love the way this chapter has developed in terms of mood. It started with the sisters' lovely conversational scene, and it ended with their intense tiredness, which was rather unsettling. Somehow, despite there being twelve of them, they still seem vulnerable, especially in that final bit when they can barely walk back towards their bedroom. There really is something strange and powerful at work here :D

Gah, anyway, as I mentioned earlier, I'm so happy to see this story updated! I do hope there'll be more plot development in future chapters, and that you'll slowly begin to unravel the mystery about Salazar :) And of course, more Godric ♡ ♡

Lovely writing, Cassie!

teh

Author's Response: Hi teh!
I'm so happy you liked where I'm taking Dezzy's character! I tend to learn a lot about my characters as I write them, and they never end up the way I first expect them to, and Dezzy was certainly no exception!
It's true that nothing has really happened with Salazar up until this point, but I think that's why the girls keep going back. They feel safe there, and think they know what to expect, and that they can go and dance, and then return home like usual. But all is not as it seems! Salazar will start to be unraveled, but it might be a little while until he lets anyone really find out anything about him! The bracelet is a start though, and it's going to play a bigger part in the story, so keep an eye out for it!
The mood of this chapter is definitely changing the way the story unfolds from now on. It's starting to get darker, and although there will be some light, happy moments, there are some mysterious things lurking about...
I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter, and hopefully I can update again soon so you have more to read! Thank you so much for the fantastic review!
Cassie :)


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Review #49, by nott theodore The Pavilion

28th May 2013:
Hi Cassie!

This story actually caught my while ago on the recently added page, but I haven't had much time for reading recently. But I think you have a fantastic idea here; HP is a world full of magic and pairing it with a fairy tale works really well.

I think the dream was a really nice way to open this story. They're such a useful device, and they're really common in older stories, which fits in with the fact this was inspired by The Twelve Dancing Princesses. I didn't even realise it was a dream until she woke up, and you do a lovely job of showing rather than telling, with all the description and little details about her character and he oldest sisters. The dream also provided an effective contrast between Desiya's life before and after her mother's death, and highlighted her unhappiness since then.

I really like the way you weave this story into the Founders' era, by including Helga Hufflepuff as their governess and the girls being from the Ravenclaw family. I'm interested about how Desiya and Rowena are related as well, by the way.

One thing I thought was a really nice touch was the alphabetical names you gave to the twelve sisters. It can be very difficult to introduce so many new characters and set the scene in the first chapter of a story but you did a really good job with that as well.

I enjoyed the ending, too. It follows the fairy tale just enough but leaves us on a bit of a cliff-hanger which makes me want to read on and find out who exactly is watching them.

I did notice a few typos in this but they weren't anything major, and they're easily fixed if you just proof read the chapter again. I really enjoyed this though, and I'll be back as soon as I get a chance!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian!
I'm so glad you liked the dream as a way of opening the story. When I first started writing it, having the first chapter open with a dream came really naturally for some reason. Personally, I love reading dream sequences in stories, so writing one was really fun!
All four of the founders will be weaved into the story at one point or another, so you will meet them all eventually! I had a lot of fun figuring out how I wanted to characterize them to fit the time and place of this story, especially since it's AU.
Writing twelve sisters, who are almost always all together, is tough, just because I want to make sure everyone gets introduced. The alphabetical names is something I've always read as a part of the original fairy tale and all the adaptations that I've come across, so I thought it would be nice to include in my story. But you're right, it does help to keep all those sisters straight!
And I'm glad you enjoyed the ending! What's a fairy tale without a little mystery? :) thank you so much for the lovely review, and I hope you enjoy the story if you decide to stick with it!
Cassie :)


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Review #50, by teh tarik The Perfect Daughter

4th April 2013:
...my feelings toward King Ravenclaw have got a lot more bitter :P I just...argh. If I could, I'd like to take him by the shoulders and shake him until or the sense returns to him. Sigh. He's cold and practical and cut-off but he doesn't sound like a bad guy at all. Agh, he's frustrating and I do sympathise with Dezzy completely, and how there is an utter absence of progress or any cordiality in the relationship between the two.

But I'm so glad you chose to bring Godric into the second half of the chapter :D It really balances out the mood, and it's a lighter moment and heh I'm a Godric/Dezzy shipper :P (...Gozzy...?). And there's such a nice contrast between the two scenes, how her father is so completely emotionally detached compared to Godric who agrees with her and takes her side on this and reassures her. So lovely ♥

And I loved that final paragraph so much I don't even. Aah.

A soft, warm feeling that she couldn't quite place, but as she went to rejoin her sisters, she couldn't help but think of Godric's kind smile and the warmth of his hand holding hers. She wanted to dance, loving the happiness that had replaced the bitter feelings that the meeting with her father had thrust on her. She quickened her pace, a request already on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to go to the pavilion.

Sorry, just...er...quoted most of the paragraph back to you, but I loved how sensitive and delicate this is (...I know I use the word "delicate" a lot to describe your writing, but it really is :) ). And that last sentence. And how you subtly brought Salazar into the chapter, how he has become as much a part of Dezzy's life as Godric, her sisters, her father etc.

Alright, another lovely chapter! Great work, I hope you'll be updating soon ♥

teh

Author's Response: Ah, the King... He's a tough character for me to write! And he really could do with some sense, couldn't he? He just can't see that his daughters are grieving just like he is, and that they won't be able to really move on until they get him back.
I felt like I needed Godric there, and wanted him to be the one to first comfort Dezzy, because he's so willing to see her side of things, and being a stable hand, he isn't influenced by what they court might think. So I'm really pleased you liked the contrast!
Delicate is fine with me! It's a word that I would use to describe this as well, just because of how I go about getting into Dezzy's character. I'm being really careful with her, especially because she has so many relationships in her life that influence her so heavily. She has an interesting way of thinking, and I'm really trying to make it work!
Thank you so much for this (long) amazing review!!! I could spend forever thanking you for reading this story!
Cassie :)


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