Reading Reviews for Jump and Fall
  
42 Reviews Found

Review #26, by AlexFan December

5th February 2013:
I really liked it. Again, great description and you somehow managed to bring the setting to life and what was happening through a very short chapter. You seem to have a talent for that!

Oh, and James has brown eyes, not blue. Just letting you know!

Anyway, there's not really much I can say besides the fact that I really enjoyed it.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I didn't realize that, I'll be sure to change it! Thanks! :)

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Review #27, by AlexFan November

2nd February 2013:
Wow, this was a really short chapter and it felt a little rushed at the beginning. I do love the description though because it felt like I was walking down the street and I could feel the sun on my face.

Anyway, it was really great on the description.

You switched verb tenses sometimes but it didn't really disrupt the flow of the writing all that much so that's good.

It was a good first chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.

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Review #28, by ohmymerlin January

25th January 2013:
Camille. I have been reading.

I don't know why I'm acting so formal when I'm usually HERP DERP I LUV CATS LOL XOXOXOXO TUMBLR IS FUN AND JOHN GREEN IS PERF.

Yes, ignore me. Please.

ANYWAY, I'M GOING TO START THE REVIEW! *HUZZAH* (jeesh that took a while to get to the actual review huh? :p)

Is Lydia a Muggle? A Squib? Or did she attend Muggle School? Although I don't know much about English schooling but I'm pretty sure (and this is courtesy of my English school friend) that people have sixth form and it's kinda like tenth grade and then they go to college/uni/or drop out for the last two years what Americans would call senior and what us Aussies call year 11 and 12.

HOWEVER I MIGHT BE WRONG BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE AN EIDETIC MEMORY LIKE SHELDON COOPER.

But, the main thing of that ridiculously long paragraph was: Is Lydia a witch?

Other than that, it was perfecto! I likey this a lot! :D This totally deserves the January SOTM!

10/10!

Author's Response: meep. (AKA asdfghjkl; no go away. Meow meow meow, I don't even know this story was thrown together a while ago, and I didn't think of all the details! MEEP) But really asdfghjkl thanks for the review. You're too sweet.

MEOW


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Review #29, by patronus_charm March part 1

24th January 2013:
Hey it's patronus_charm with your review! Yay another chapter!

I was intriguid by the introduction to this, I wonder why Lizzie may have not finished university, and why Mark may have become a father, I hope that we find out later, as I hate not knowing something! I always find it so fascinating to see how much James changed Lydia.

I was so sad to see that Lydia had been ignoring James, despite the awful first date, he still wanted to see her which was adorable! It shows how lovely he really is, and I really like this James compared to the other James II's, he is by far the best, he's just so different to the other ones it's such a refreshing change, to see him as a more mature, and caring person, very much like Harry I guess!

I also like how you made Lydia, a normal, relatable person who does have several flaws! It just makes it so much nicer to to read, knowning that she is some superwoman, who can get all the guys, but in fact doesn't make the best decisions.

I felt sorry for Lydia opening the door to 'James Thompson', in her Hufflepuff t-shirt and shorts, especially after that awkward dinner date last time. Well maybe this will diffuse the tension, as he would have seen her in her natural enviroment.

A few CC's, you mentioned eye glasses at one point, it sounded a little odd to me, and I think if you just said glasses it would sound much better :) Also you said waiter once when I think you meant waitress, I hope you did otherwise I don't think Mark would be too happy!

Overall I thought this was an adorable chapter, and thank you for the little mention in the author note I feel very honoured, and I do hope you win :') I can't wait to see what happens next, with that cliff hanger ending!

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! Your just fabulous! It certainly will get much more awkward and silly but the chapter happens to be quite...romantic :) Thanks again!

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Review #30, by patronus_charm February

12th January 2013:
Hey it's me, I'm so glad you love my reviews and I can be useful to you:D Anyway here's your review!

Hmm, the start immediatly interested me, because you mentioned restaurants and their menu's so it makes you wonder whether that will be the place for Lydia and James's first date. Then you found it is and it's just like 'yay I guessed right!'.

You could see how Lydia was deeply effected by these brief encounters with James, by how she gets so frustrated over the fact he hasn't called in 3 weeks. This was great as you could see how her feelings have matured over time for him which makes the story more believable on the whole.

I thought the date scene was great as nothing would have been perfected and all of the waiting for it built up Lydia'd dreams of how great it was going to be. Then you can tell as soon as James gets to the door how this is going to go downhill by what James is wearing.

The awkward tension of the date was great, you just didn't want to read on to see how worse it could get. The fact they are both magical and the other doesn't know it, is great, because you're left wondering if they both knew about the enormous thing they both have in common would the date go better or not?

I can't wait for the reveal scene of when she finds out that James Thompson is in fact the famous James Potter. I'm also interested to find out the reason for James living with his 'mum' whether it's true or if it's disguising something else.

Overall I thought this was great, as you really engaged the reader and left them guessing over the fate of Lydia and James's relationship and how it's going to develop next. I really, really like this story so re-request whenever you want as it's a really enjoyable read, Kiana :D

Author's Response: hehe! My whole goal for this chapter was just to make their date as AWKWARD as possible. Cringing as much as possible. Total cheese. Because I do believe it is a HUGE setup for the rest of the plot. It's a metaphor for both of them.

Thanks for the reviews Kiana, I'm writing chapter 5 right now, and then I'll rerequest :)


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Review #31, by Nikki Howard February

12th January 2013:
When is shegoing to discover who James really is??? I loved it!!!
XOXO, Nikki

Author's Response: .Soon, very very soon ;) Thanks for the review! :)

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Review #32, by patronus_charm January

6th January 2013:
Hey it's part 3 ;)

Again I loved the part at the beginning as it shows she was quite a pessismt until a certain someone walked into her life ;)

Some slight confusion in this chapter. In the previous you say she's a Hufflepuff then in this one you say she attended sixth form. By this do you mean 6th and 7th year at Hogwarts or she did sixth form in a muggle school?

I noticed one small spelling errors Wales had an 'h' in it another than that the spelling was fine:)

I really thought this scene was adorable and how James wanted to cut in and Lydia being upset over her sister leaving. It's becoming a habit of James's to disappear straight after seeing her isn't it?;)

Overall I think this is a great story and I'll definitely read some when the next chapters are posted :D

Author's Response: Aw! Thank you so much! It's so sweet of you to keep reviewing. I'm glad you liked it, and to be honest, I'm not British and that entire school system REALLY confuses me, so I will have to look into that :) Thanks again, the next chapter is in the queue, and I'll probably post in your thread when it's validated :)

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Review #33, by patronus_charm December

6th January 2013:
Hey I'm back with part 2:)

I really love what you've done at the beginning of the chapter I was a bit confused by it last time but now I've seen it in the next I think it's great as it provides a perspective into Lydia's mind. I also feel it shows how much these so far brief encounters with James have changed her so much.

Considering it's such a small chapter you manage to include a lot of detail and description to make you connect with the reader:)

I quite enjoy how James pops up at the end of each chapter and it makes you wonder where their next encounter will take place. I liked how these have taken place in the muggle world as it shows that the wizarding population don't just stick to the wizarding world and do venture out at times.

I think the short chapter ideas are great as it keeps the attention of the reader and makes it short and sweet. Though you wanted in 500 words for each chapter you shouldn't neglect the story as a result of that, so I'm glad you kept those 100+ words as I don't really see where you could've lost them from :)

Author's Response: hehe! Thanks I'm so glad you liked it! I didn't think you were going to continue, but thanks for doing that! :) I just adore your reviews, thank you so much! :)

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Review #34, by patronus_charm November

6th January 2013:
Hi it's patronus_charm with your review!

I was a tiny bit confused at first as I initially thought it was from James's perspective then I saw the 'him' and thought he was gay. So maybe if you introduced the protagnist at the beginning instead of at the end it would avoid this confusion. Once I got over the inital confusion I really enjoyed the first chapter:)

I was a little worried a first that the chapter length was so small would you be able to set a good scene for the story, but you did :D I think it was a great way for James and Lydia to meet. Many people make James out to be cheeky and not serious however this was a nice change to see him in a mature role. I'm guessing this after Hogwarts so it was great that you showed that he can actual make that transtion into adulthood.

I think you have a real talent for changing the characteristics of a character but still making them believable and this is really good as it provides a refreshing change to the reader.

As this was such a short chapter I'll review the next 2 as well :)

Author's Response: Haha! Oh goodness, I did not even think about that. Nope, James is NOT gay :p Thanks for the review, and I think I will go back and change that. :)

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Review #35, by Secret Santa November

21st December 2012:
YAY! Bookish characters! I really love bookish characters because they remind me of me. I hope you'll be getting good books for Christmas!

Anyway. I think that, despite its size, this is quite a lovely start for the chapter. You allow us but a tiny glimpse into what it's like to be in the narrator's head/life, you let us know a few basic things about her, and you introduced a prospective love interest. The thing about all of those things you've introduced is that you didn't give much explanation about them which allows questions to arise. I'm sitting here wondering what is it that scares Lydia of commitment? And what was James doing in that library (and with a laptop) that day?

Another thing I'm feeling right now is that I want to give Lydia a bit of advice. I would say: "Lydia, it takes a lot of commitment to finish a book, to stay faithful to its characters until it ends. So you practice commitment without even realising it. You just need to find a person who deserves commitment as much as a good book does."

Or something of that sort anyway.

I also really like James. I think that he was flirting (I'm not entirely sure as I don't really know him yet), and yet he seemed to be a gentleman. The interaction between him and Lydia felt very natural and I was happy to not see hearts and butterflies flutter into the air!

There are a few typos --some dialogue tags and misspelled words, but otherwise everything seems fine.

I also really liked how you sealed the chapter.

All in all, well done! I happened to be in the mood for fluff, and I'm really liking this so far. I can't wait to see what comes next!

Clue: I've already told you. I really, really like books.

Author's Response: Thank you so very much! :) Your reviews totally brighten my day! Gosh, I really don't know who you are now... I'll have to do some investigating :)

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Review #36, by Mystique January

15th December 2012:
Hi, I'm here from the BVB review battle.

This is such a sweet story so far and I like how you've tried to make each chapter a certain length. That's something I haven't really seen before and I thought that it was a really good way to tell this story.

I liked the plot of this story so far, it's not at all like many of the usual next-gen cliched plots. I was a bit confused as to whether Lydia was a wizard or not? If she was than surely she might have recognized James?

I loved the characterization of Lydia. There isn't that much about her, but I feel as if I can see her personality very clearly. I also loved your description of Christmas shopping. It was so spot on.

Charlie

Author's Response: Thank you! I really appreciate the review! :)

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Review #37, by javct December

16th October 2012:
Back again.

Can I just compliment you on your almost perfect description of England shopping malls at Christmas? I've been in England at Christmas and by Merlin! the shopping malls are heaving! and you managed to capture that in that fist paragraph really well (for some reason, as I was reading this I was imaging her being in Harrods).

Plotwise this is going really well and I'm quite interested to see how their relationship develops. You've given your protagonist a good and firm back-story within those few lines about her brother and her house. I'm quite nick-picky when it comes to next-gen stories because the main character usually becomes a Mary Sue but you're doing really well at keeping her as Un-Mary Sue as you can (by giving her a family and a personality!)

This story is really good :) Good luck on your future writing endeavours!

Jasmine, x

Author's Response: HAHA! Thank you! I have actually only been to England once, so that is like a HUGE compliment... I pretty much based it off stores in my hometown :) Thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to review both chapters! Hugs! :)

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Review #38, by javct November

16th October 2012:
javct45 here with your (belated) requested review.

I'm sorry I took so long; school just started again. Onto the review.

Truth be told, I don't need many James (II)/OC stories and fluff none the less (but hey that is the main reason that I started the review thread!) that said, I really enjoyed it! The protagonist so far isn't cliche'd and she isn't a Mary Sue. I like how you kept this chapter short; just putting their introduction in this chapter :)

Just one thing that did confuse me a little. This line: "Don't... you look good in it." He had a small smile on his face. I laughed at this, not really knowing what to do next." It confused me. What did he mean you look good in it? Because wasn't she just sitting in a chair? You might want to clear that up. Apart from that it was really good and I throughly enjoyed it.
Onto the next chapter!

Author's Response: Not a problem! Thanks for your review! :)

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Review #39, by Siriusly89 November

14th October 2012:
Hey there! Siriusly89 here! I LOVE THIS! As you might know, I am a self-confessed fluff-a-holic, but I can't write fluff for my life.so I search and search for fluffy stories, AND YOURS IS BRILLIANT :D I love Lydia! She seems almost lost in herself! And we didn't see much of James, but he seems like a gentleman!And who doesn't love one of those :P

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review! :)

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Review #40, by TheGoldenKneazle November

13th October 2012:
Ahh this was so, so lovely! This tiny chapter was a perfect introduction for what you're going to write, and the length was a bite-sized opener that I loved since you managed to slip in so many little details that the scene felt very rich and full anyway :3

Your characterisation of Lydia was just adorable! I find her so relatable already, with all the little details of how she can't get into real relationships and loves autumn, really helping us to identify with her. I hope you carry on putting the little things in there, because they're brilliant and I'd love to find out more about her books and high heels and butterbeer love next chapter (which I'm already excited for!!) :D

I loved the little snippet of James at the end, because he was very REAL and NORMAL and also NICE :) It was great that you didn't have Lydia immediately realising - I wonder if it'll be funny when she does - and his giving up the seat was very chivalrous and lovely :3 I'm guess-hoping that we'll see more of him, so it was great to have this quick glance through Lydia's eyes at him already!

I really hope that there'll be a longer chapter next, with a bit more of Lydia/James and her seeing him again :D I loved it all, great job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review! :) I'm glad you like James, that was my goal, for him to be normal. Thanks again for your lovely review, it certainly made my day :)


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Review #41, by countrymusicfanatic November

4th October 2012:
Nice start. I'm excited to see what comes next :) But computers don't work/exist in the magical world...

Author's Response: Ha... HAHAHAHA. I totally got that refrence... :) Thank you for reviewing, next chapter up soon :)

xo GD76


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Review #42, by Hailee November

4th October 2012:
Please continue and update soon its a really good start

Author's Response: Thank you so much for being the first reviewer, you win a special prize, my friend :) I will update as soon as I can... writting the next chapter as we speak... :)

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