Reading Reviews for Marlene
  
58 Reviews Found

Review #51, by Goldemort And a little bit of Charms

6th November 2011:
This chapter was great! You expanded on all the characters' personalities really nicely, and their relationships with the marauders are quite different to in usual fanfics, which I really like and makes your story really interesting. =)

Like the previous chapter, this was really well written. I didn't spot any mistakes, and I especially liked the part about injections. I'm really wondering where you are going to take this story, because it's so good so far! =D

The whole story has a really nice feel to it, and I hope you update soon! 10/10! =D xx

Author's Response: Hey! thanks so much =D

I'm trying to make the relationships as original as possible, so I'm happy you said that *grins*
Hmm...the injections bit...I'm not 100% sure why I put it in there! I might take it somewhere else... :)
Thanks so much! LWG xxx


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Review #52, by NaidatheRavenclaw Why Are You In A trunk?

6th November 2011:
Ooh, I really liked this! I love stories set in the Marauder era in any case, so I kind of automatically liked your story just because of that (:P) But you wrote it so well, that I love it for other reasons too! The idea that Marlene's parents died is intruiging. I definitely think you can do a lot with that.

Marlene, to me, seems to be characterized well for the most part. You have this childish wisdom about her, so that she says wise things, but still has a childlike quality about the way she says them. I wonder if she will grow out of this childlike manner of speaking by the end of the story, or else at least mature a bit.

My one criticism for you is that the Marauders seem to all be characterized in their sterotypical ways. Remus is bookish, James flirts with Lily and jokes with Sirius, Sirius is a prankster by heart, and Peter is sort of in the background trying to be cool. Now, this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but remember that all four Marauders have bigger personalities than just that, and maybe add more to their characters. It's just the first chapter, of course, so I hope to see more development on their part as the story moves on :)

You have a great start to this!

-Naida

Author's Response: Hi Naida, thanks for an awesome review :D
I have a really massive plan for the whole orphan-orphanage thing so yes I think it will go somewhere! :P

Marlene was quite a hard character to initially figure out because we know so little about her, and I had a kind of fanon opinion of her character. I wanted her to be quite silly/goofy and very popular but without realising it. Then there's another aspect to her, all the terrible things that have happened in her past. I believe she uses the jokes and sarcasm as a wall to hide behind.

Yes, thanks for pointing out this. I have been concerned myself; I didn't just want another girl mooning over Sirius Black...But I will work on wha you've said.
Thanks so much for a lovely review! LWG x


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Review #53, by Goldemort Why Are You In A trunk?

5th November 2011:
Hi!

This was brilliant, I loved it! It was really well written, and funny as well. =) I loved the starting line/paragraph especially, all about wishes, with the rhetorical questions. And the last line: Unicorns are nice and sparkly. That made me laugh. =D

I spotted one small mistake here: ' I never knew you found Biccie! I thought you just bought her. ' There should be an opening speech mark at the start. Apart from that it was perfect! =)

The characterisation here is brilliant - all the characters seem different enough to be interesting, but not so different that they wouldn't get along. You've really well given each character a clear personality, especially Marlene (as it is told from her point of view, so you would probably expect that).

Overall, this was a great introductory chapter, and I really enjoyed reading it. =D

- Amy x

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for the amazing review. This is really helpful to me as I actually don't really like this first chapter and am thinking about changing/editing it.
I hope my characters are different and not Mary-Sues! I am trying to make Marlene kind of sarcastic/funny and Lily Pretty in Pink but with a fun streak.
Thanks again, LWG xx


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Review #54, by xjamesandlilyx And a little bit of Charms

5th November 2011:
I Like it! Please upload? I want to see what happens?!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! next chapter validating :) LWG

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Review #55, by MrsBowen x And a little bit of Charms

3rd November 2011:
Random, but v.v.v.v.v.v. good!!! Loved it, and luv ya loads!! (obviously as a friend! xx) anyway since this is a revfiew i have to write something BORING so er. WRITE SHORTER CHAPS. SO PEOPLE LIKE ME (bad readers) CAN COPE!!! (this is not really valid, but made me feel better) LOL xx 9/10 rating and adding u 2 my favourites (if i havent already done so!!!)
zx

Author's Response: Wow you love reviewing this story! Thanks so much! The next chapter is shorter by the way (for your reading enjoyment :P) xxx

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Review #56, by Yorkgal And a little bit of Charms

3rd November 2011:
Hi!! Just like to say i lurve your story! I'm glad its not one of the three He's (He's a poo-poo head, He's my best friend and He's the love of my life) its subtle boy admiring instead of being full frontal :) Marlenes funny and crazy but not over the top which is good because you've considered how her past would affect her as a person. :) Also, your writing has good structure and wording :)

Now i sound like an english teacher so i guess i'll just go
Write more please!
Yorkgal

Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks so much for reading this through! :D This is such a lovely review. Yes, I didn't want to write a marauders fic which was just another person mooning over Sirius Black (even though those ones are quite succesful!). You sound like a great English teacher! Thanks again, LWG xx

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Review #57, by Livi_777 Why Are You In A trunk?

1st November 2011:
As usual, I love it! (I'd probably say that even if I didn't!)
Is it just me or do these girls sound a little bit like us?
I absolutely love this line 'Sirius poo-poo head Black lazily strutted in as if he owned the place followed closely by Prickly digestive Potter, Lupino Supremo and Peter Rattygrew. Well that was what we called them.' However, I think the 'Well, that was what we called them.' spoils the humour of it a bit. That's about the only comment I can make, apart from I have a feeling that in the next chapters you might have to tune down Marlene's misfortunes in order to make it a bit more believable. Loved it though!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'll take your advice and change a few things! Thanks for taking the time to review, you always do lovely ones. I'm happy now! LWG x

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Review #58, by MrsBowen x Why Are You In A trunk?

31st October 2011:
OMG!! THIS IS LIKE SUCH A AMAZING (AND DIRTY) STORY!!!

(inhe above brackets i am joking!!) hahahah (this is the part where you laugh!0

luved it omg. lalallalal byez

Author's Response: Thanks MrsBowen! I love getting reviews from people I know xD Hahaha I'm laughing! :D Thanks for my first review!
LWG x


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