Reading Reviews for Behind the Curtain
86 Reviews Found

Review #26, by academica The Infiltration

17th May 2012:
Hi James! I thought I'd pop in and read another chapter of this lovely little story.

I see Moody and Nicholas are bonding (though poor Duncan apparently has to suffer a bit for it), which is lovely. I loved the brief little "conversation" between Duncan and Moody, and I'm certainly not surprised that Moody isn't exactly "one for leisure". Duncan's reaction with the chocolate was priceless. I also love how Duncan is becoming more and more accustomed to magic, and as a result, is accepting it more easily as he goes along. I suppose you would sort of have to with Moody.

It was neat to catch glimpses of Avery and Mulciber here, and to see Moody and Duncan so easily take their forms and get business done. I love the matter-of-fact feel of this story, as exemplified by Moody's final comment. I'm definitely still interested in the story, and I'm looking forward to seeing Moody and friends unravel the secrets of the Kwikcode machine and plan their next moves. (I'm also, of course, looking forward to the moment when Tom's people figure out what has happened.) This story is just like a classic spy movie, with action that is very easy to follow and the extra touch of magic that adds another lovely dimension.

Very nice! :)

Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: Thanks a lot Amanda, it's always great to get unexpected reviews like this!

It's easy to picture young Moody being really intense like this, and Duncan had to respond pretty much the only way he knew how.

I'm glad you're interested in the story, and there's going to be some twists in the next couple chapters!


 Report Review

Review #27, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap The Breach

3rd May 2012:
I didn't even think about the chocolate, how foolish of me. I figured Anastasia would notice quickly that something was wrong because she takes her work very seriously.

I don't know how she'll figure out it was Duncan and Moody but I know she will and I don't know how she'll find them either but the longer they stay where they are, the more danger they'll be in.

Oh, Riddle. Does he even care what he's part of? It seems like he's doing his own thing (which is obviously very Tom Riddle like, because he has always been his own worry) but wouldn't it benefit him to help in the task that he's supposed to be doing just to keep up apperances and make a stronger alliance with the people around him? Or is he not worried because his focus is really on Britain?

Author's Response: Yes, that was clarly not a smart move by Duncan. I'm finally getting around to writing the next chapter, and let's just say things get a bit interesting for Ducan and Moody.

Pretty much everything Riddle does is perfectly calcuated to achieve a certain end. He tries to keep up the appearance of being a loyal employee, but he clearly has his own motivations for doing so.

Thank you so much for all the reviews!

 Report Review

Review #28, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap The Infiltration

3rd May 2012:
Man, Moody is really a brilliant man! He's someone I'd want to be around me in a time of distress. I really thought something was going to go wrong but nothing has so far (but they still haven't gotten out of the building yet!).

It seemed a little to easy for them to do everything they did but then again the guards are 'dolts' as Anastasia would say. And Moody makes a good argument now about not drinking anything but what's in his flask. If I were Duncan I'd get my own flask when I'm around him, heaven only knows what he could do to him if he thinks Duncan is a shady character (even though he's not. He's actually very humorous).

I'm interested to see if they'd have to go about doing some things the muggle way because magic seems to be too easy, you know what I mean? It wasn't over the top in the chapter but taking the polyjuice potion, knocking them out, the use of the elastico spell (brilliant by the way). I would like to see Duncan use some of his strengths too.

Author's Response: If I ever had to infiltrate a base in hostile territory like this, I would definitely want Moody there with me!

I totally see what you're saying about the use of magic, and that may or may not come into play later...

Thans for another review!

 Report Review

Review #29, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Man's Best Friend

3rd May 2012:
Loved Nicholas and Moody, even the toughest man needs a 'best friend.'

I really enjoyed the set up in this chapter. Obviously the action is going to come back again the next chapter (well, it's obvious to me anyway) because this was more of calm before the storm where everyone goes, 'Well, we have high security and great protection spells. No one would dare try to fight us on our territory or break in! They'd have to be crazy!'

We're lucky we all know who is crazy enough to do such a thing and able too. I can already envision the sour expression on Anastasia's face when she learns that someone did indeed come in when she left. Of course maybe they won't be caught? I think them not getting caught would be too easy, not as much fun as a chase of cat-and-mouse.

Oh, and I'm sure Riddle's intentions in Albania are so innocent. *rolls eyes* Anastasia, open your eyes!

Author's Response: I suspected Moody would have a soft spot in there somehere, and while he doesn't really let people get close to him, a dog could totaly work.

And of course, Riddle ha no ulterior motives at all in Albania.

Thanks for another great review!

 Report Review

Review #30, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Daring is Doing

3rd May 2012:
Oh, Moody! Seriously, he makes my day in this story. I couldn't stop snickering at the image of his scared face flying in an airplane. Though flying tends to scare me as well, there's always too much turbulence when I fly.

Anyway, for a second I thought our dear Anastasia wasn't going to be able to complete her mission. I kept screaming 'Retreat! Retreat!' in my head but of course they wouldn't. That's like throwing herself to her own death if she wouldn't have been able to complete her mission. Though I don't understand how she wouldn't have known that there would have been something to reveal them if they were under cover because I feel like that would just be the first thing I think of, what happens if there's this spell or there's this device? You know?

The jump was key, it's one of my favorite things I see happen in spy movies/action movies. I never understand how some of them actually do make it into the water. I know the movies are fictional but there is a family friend that did jump off a bridge many years ago that I know and he did make it. Apparently he was trying to think of a daring way to get on the news and show his ex-girlfriend just how much he loved her. Sounds insane but he survived his drop so I suppose why shouldn't the fictional characters in any universe survive theirs?

Author's Response: I loved writng the scene with Moody on the plane, and given how much he distrusts just abou everything, I ca't imagine he would be too fond of flying.

And yes, the jump is pretty much the ultimate actin movie cliche, so I had to work that in somehow.

Thanks forreviewing!

 Report Review

Review #31, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Plans in Motion

3rd May 2012:
Moody! I'm always a big fan of him, he's really not included in many stories I seem to come upon so it was nice to see his character. I thought you hit him right on the head.

Tom Riddle is something else, isn't he? I mean. I was even a little awed by his speech. You make him convincing. He's essentially like the public figures you see on TV, they have to have a strong voice, they have to exude confidence and be very convincing and they also have to be able to make a rowdy crowd cheer. I think cheering is key because sometimes even the biggest skeptic can get enamored by the crowd and swayed.

Even though Anastasia doesn't seem to be to keen on him. I think she's for her mission but I don't think she's for Riddle and whatever ideas he's going to have in the future. She could easily play two sides, I think but I guess I'll have to see what happens next.

Author's Response: I love Moody, and since we really don' know anything abot his backstory, it was fun to get to make it up entirely.

I think thats the key to Riddle is that he had to be really charimatic at some point to get all those people to buy into what he wanted to do.

Thanks for another review!

 Report Review

Review #32, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap New Discoveries

3rd May 2012:
And so it begins!

I have to say, Anastasia is a really interesting character. She's very chilling, tightly wound and serious. I could see her doing some terrible things in the future (but given her plans that's obvious) but how she does them will be interesting because she's obviously extremely smart, she's not going to go about things the way an amateur would.

Suddenly, the door swung open, and the merriment was interrupted by its loud crash and the sudden gust of chilling wind that accompanied it. A momentary hush fell over the room as a serious looking man in a finely tailored black suit, freshly starched white shirt and a plain tie stepped inside. He had short brown hair, was physically fit, and seemed to have a determination in his stride. By the looks of things, he was clearly some sort of government agent.

^ I really liked that entire part. I could just see it in my head. It's that moment that they play in the movies where the door swings open and that looming figure walks in and everyone pauses, a chill filling even the toughest character as they stare at the door way.

Excellent job. You never disappoint.

Author's Response: Welcome back!

Glad you liked Anastasia, and I definitely wouldn't want to run into her in a dark alley. And that's pretty much exactly what I was going for in that scene with Augustus.

Thanks for another review!

 Report Review

Review #33, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Snakes in the Snow

3rd May 2012:
You write historical fanfiction so well, I wonder, do you write historical fiction (original fiction) as another hobby? I know I read historical fiction novels outside of HPFF but I'd never attempt to write anything because I can never get the timeline of the dates right and the college I attend focuses more on American history.

I love Russian history (no offense to my country, I love America but there's only so much one person can learn about the Civil War) but apparently because the 'Cold War is over' they don't really teach anything about Russia besides the basic 'Well, the Cold War happened. America prevailed. Hurrah!' It's really a shame.

Anyway, not that that had anything really to do with this (sorry for my rambling) but I thought this was such a strong first chapter. I think your writing has really grown from Their Finest Hour (which I still have to finish...cough...cough) because the description was spot on.

I'm still baffled how you can weave the world of HP into the story, it fits so seamlessly. It'll be interesting to see how Riddle fits into the entire story because we really don't know much about his life except the basics: orphan, Dumbledore, Hogwarts, Hagrid, goes for Defense Position, starts to become Lord Voldemort...etc, etc, etc.

Author's Response: Hey Deeds!

I actually haven't relaly written any original historical fiction, but after the kind of reception this story has been getting, Im starting to think about trying it.

And I agree about Russian history; it's just so fascinating. Also, this is pretty much an unknown era when it comes to HP canon, but I think we can assume that Tom Riddle was somewhere in Eastern Europe at the time.

Thanks for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #34, by Violet Gryfindor The Breach

25th April 2012:
This is another excellent chapter! It very neatly continues on from the previous ones, constantly building the plot, even after the excitement of last chapter. You never run out of suspense for us readers, keeping up the tension perfectly with a good measure of action, bits of humour, and cliffhangers that are obviously planned out with care. Even if you haven't actually planned out the story so elaborately, it feels that way.

I'm not surprised that Anastasia discovered the breach so quickly - she's very efficient in her work, and while that's a great strength, I wonder whether it's also a weakness. She's too careful, too good at her job - but then again, we haven't seen her lose her temper yet, not completely. If she does lose it, I definitely fear for anyone who gets in her way. It's almost comical how she's the "brains of the outfit", literally surrounded by idiots. It says a lot about the kind of people Riddle chose as his followers - the fanatics and weak-minded; Riddle definitely did not want any competition.

It doesn't bode well for Moody and Duncan if they're stuck out there for a week. I'm not sure whether Anastasia will go after them, but if she does, she's the type would find them somehow. :P I think I like her too much - there's no clear line between heroes and villains in this story, which makes it more interesting and complex to read. People on both sides of this war are working for a greater goal... and meanwhile Riddle's just doing his own thing.

There were two typos I noticed in the final section of this chapter, one being "ordinarily" rather than "ordinary", the other being a missing word in the sentence "secrets that are in no position to have to know about" - is it "you are", perhaps? Or "we are"? Those are the only things I found to critique. Otherwise, it was a fantastic read and I'm once again looking forward to more of this story! :)

Author's Response: Yay another review! It's such a great feeling when people who have been reading all along want to continue!

I sort of planned out an outline of the major plot events beforehand, but the smaller details I'm kind of making up as I go along, so its been a challenge for consistency and contuinity, but I'm glad to hear it seems to be working so far.

I't always seems to happen in many stories that the evil villain's henchmen are total idiots, and with some one like Riddle, I think it makes sense that he wouldn't want people who might think for themselves. Anastasia is definitely on top of game right now. i don't want to give too much away, but she might have some interesting twists in store.

I'm trying to show both sides and how it's basically a deadly international chess match that they're both trying to win, and I'll admit I do enjoy creating a bit of confusion about who to root for.

Thank you so much for yet another great review!

 Report Review

Review #35, by NaidatheRavenclaw New Discoveries

22nd April 2012:
Hi there! Thanks for swapping with me!

As much as I enjoyed chapter 1, this just became even better. You're honestly including so many elements that are just forgotten about in fanfiction. I love that Archibald is a squib. It adds a whole new layer to an already complex plot. And I like that he still posessed those Slytherin traits-it showed that he did still have some of his family's genes.

The bit with the pub was so realistic. You have talent for this era. It's so historically accurate, and yet it's still a really good read. I often find novels written in this era really boring, but you have so many tightly woven plots and suspense in this that it's impossible not to love it.

Great job!


Author's Response: Thank you for swapping as well!

I wanted to work in some sort of connection to the Muggle world, and i really like the idea of a squib being successful and having a cool job as a muggle.

I try hard to make it feel like the 1950's, but I'm never really sure since obviously I wasn't alive then, but its great to hear that it seems accurate.

Thanks a lot for the review!

 Report Review

Review #36, by NaidatheRavenclaw Snakes in the Snow

21st April 2012:

This was actually fantastic. I haven't read any stories, I don't think, focusing on the post WWII/Cold War era, so that in itself was awesome. And the historical accuracy fit together perfectly with the wizard influence. I love Vladimir's attitude to the whole thing. It's brilliant.

The obstacle course was a really cool idea as well. To be completely honest, I'm not exactly sure of it's execution :/ I feel as though it moved a bit too fast, but that's probably more of my personal taste more than anything else. I like it when action scenes are really embellished and such, and this was just the pure movements and spells, which worked well in this context. I realize I just contradicted myself there, so let me attempt to make sense. I think that the action of the obstacle course worked really well, but it moved a bit too fast for my own personal taste.

(I'm terrible at making sense in reviews :P)

I also loved how you didn't mention it was Tom Riddle until the very end ;) It was the perfect finishing touch.

I really enjoyed this chapter! Great job :D


Author's Response: This is one of my favorite eras and genres to read about, and it's pretty much an unknown era in the HP universe, so I like having that degree of flexibility.

I intentionally wrote the ostable course scene moving pretty quickly because the idea was that Riddle was getting through it faster than anybody had ever done before, but I understand what you're saying about wanting a little more detail in the action.

Thanks for the review!

 Report Review

Review #37, by kestral14 The Breach

20th April 2012:
This is a very interesting new chapter! Please update soon! :)

Author's Response: Thanks a lot, next chapter should be up soon!

 Report Review

Review #38, by Noblevyne New Discoveries

19th April 2012:
I love this story, the intrigue - the absolute Britishness of it, reads like a magical John le Carre novel (seriously, if trash like 50 Shades of Grey can get published, why are you not just changing some names and facts and getting this sorted? NOW - magic and spies? Winning combination!)

You have a very easy style of writing, the descriptions are lovely, but never purple and everything has a nice flow to it. You make it easy to visualise your characters, and to follow what they're doing without getting too bogged down in the details.

Author's Response: So I'm actually American, but I tried really hard to make things sound as British as possible, so its great to hear that it seems to be working!

I think we all want to bang our heads on a desk about the success enjoyed by the likes of Stephanie Meyer haha.

Thank you so much for these great reviews!

 Report Review

Review #39, by Noblevyne Snakes in the Snow

18th April 2012:
I truly, truly hope you are utilising your massive talent to write original fiction as well - it's very rare to come across something so unique in fanfiction, especially in HP fanfic - which has just about smacked together every possible idea on the planet and seen it published. You have a true gift for prose, pacing and characterisation. Your ideas are fresh and fun, and well researched!

I love these kinds of stories, I love the idea of reimagining Muggle historical events with a magical spin. The idea of Tom Riddle in the midst of the Cold War is a very interesting one, if we are to believe that each Muggle war had its own magical mirror happening at around the same time - that they influenced each other. I find this a really fantastic idea, as it would be the first chance for Tom to really get involved in a wide scale conflict.

Author's Response: Hey thanks for reviewing!

So I actually haven't written any OF, but I have to give your reviews credit for making me start thinking about it.

The tidbit in the books that really inspired me was when Fudge meets the Prime Minister, it really opened up a whole new window of looking into how the worlds and events were intertwined.

All we really know about Tom Riddle from canon in this era is that he was presumably somewhere in Eastern Europe, so I'm just taking that and running with it.

Thanks a lot for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #40, by ericajen Daring is Doing

18th April 2012:
Ooh lots of fun action there at the end! Anastasia is sort of my hero, not gonna lie. I mean she's perhaps a bit evil and she may be a dark wizard, but she's pretty awesome. I'm a Duncan fan, also. He's funny. There's always got to be a little comic relief. Duncan is perfect for that.

You write spy dramas very well! You keep it interesting without making it too heavy and I really like the switching back and forth between the Russians and the British. It's fun to see what's happening on both sides. It also gives it the dynamic of not really knowing who you're rooting for, since you're getting to know both sides. Like I enjoy the Anastasia and Dolohov dynamic so I can't say I root for the British completely.

Hopefully I'll get fully caught up with this story soon! I wish I could read it all now but I may or may not be in class right now, heh.


Author's Response: Glad to hear you like Anastasia so far! I'd say there's definitely more to her than meets the eye, and that's all I'll say about that for now.

I'm also glad you like the multiple POV aproach. I want the plot to basically play out like a chess game, so I want to show what both sides are planning.

Thank you so much for reviewing, and I hope it didn't distract you from class too much!

 Report Review

Review #41, by ericajen Plans in Motion

17th April 2012:
Heh, Duncan is the only one crazy enough to go through with it. That sounds very, very promising for the future. Am very excited to read more of him and his crazy ways. Speaking of him and the UK kids, you wrote Moody really well! That's exactly how he is. All grumbly and grouchy and suspicious. Constant vigilance!

And yikes, Riddle's getting all determined and such to take down the non-purebloods. I was actually getting somewhat nervous while reading it, not gonna lie. He's a scary guy. I'm a big Anastasia fan so far. Maybe because she's a strong female type character, I don't know. She just seems so fabulously dangerous. I want to wear mink fur coats and red lipstick and be a master witch. New life goal, yes?


Author's Response: Duncan tends to be a little off his rocker at times but totally in a fun way, and I think he's pretty much the perfect foil for Moody, who will always be intense and serious. It's so much fun to write the two of them together.

Riddle is pretty much in the perfect position to get in with the Russians and then try to co-opt them for his own purposes, so we'll just have to see what happens there. And don't we all wish we could be glamorous assasins?

Thanks a lot for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #42, by ericajen New Discoveries

17th April 2012:
I really like the way you're weaving together the magical and muggle worlds. It makes everything so much more interesting to see all these behind the scenes connections and such. I've always wondered about that, really, ever since that part in the book where we see the Minister of Magic chatting up the Prime Minister. It always made me think there's got to be more crossover somewhere in there.

Another thing I really enjoy about this story is that you writing style is such that I truly picture the entire thing like a movie going on in my head. I mean I can see like, every little detail you describe happening inside my head. Anastasia's flat, Duncan's bar. It all seems very real.

Very much enjoying this so far! Yay for politics and espionage!


Author's Response: I loved the scene with the Prime Minister in Book 6, and for me that really opened up a whole new window into the HP world that honestly I'm really disapointed hasn't been explored more in fanfiction. If there was further contact between the two worlds, I imagine the intelligence community would be the ideal forum for it.

Thanks a lot for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #43, by ericajen Snakes in the Snow

17th April 2012:
OMG RUSSIAN POLITICS. How exciting! I pretty much love anything to do with Russia or the USSR and their politics. It's bringing me back to my senior year of high school in my literature class when we had to do group author studies and I convinced my group that we should Tolstoy and they hated me forever when they saw the size of the books. Worth it.

Anyway. Really great set up! It seems like it's going to be a very exciting story. I mean, with all this espionage it's pretty much guaranteed to be great. I like the characters thus far. Obviously, we're familiar with the English ones and Igor and Dolohov, but I like Vladimir and I reallyyy like Anastasia. She does not seem like a lady you want to mess with. I wouldn't try to take her on.

Also, you referenced Rasputin and it made my day.


Author's Response: Aren't Russian politics just fascinating? This is one of my favorite genres to read about, so I really wanted to picture what it would look like in the HP universe.

The Death Eaters seem to have a Russian connection with Dolohov and Karkaroff, and I think its implied in canon that Riddle was in Eastern Europe at the time, so I'm pretty much just taking that and running with it. And there was definetely something shady about Rasputin.

Thanks for the review!

 Report Review

Review #44, by Violet Gryfindor The Infiltration

7th April 2012:
Once again, great work with the story! I still have a bad feeling that this infiltration is going to somehow go wrong - it's been too easy, and they've had very good luck, Avery and Mulciber causing no trouble at all. I'm interested in the way that this compound's security devices don't pick up the use of the Polyjuice Potion, unlike those at the Polish Ministry of Magic - either the Soviets are too assured that no one could break in or there's another booby trap waiting around the corner, but we'll see.

The finest moment in this chapter was Moody's speech and Duncan's reaction. It was a ridiculous speech, but it oddly suited Moody, particularly this younger, more naive wizard - he still has high ideals, yet what he says about complacency in peace is very correct. Duncan's reaction was hilarious - it was a perfect light moment, breaking the tension (not to mention the ice). The two of them are getting on very well, and while I'd love to hear more from Duncan to get a better understanding of his character, I do like how you've been writing the two of them together - they're unlikely partners, but they balance each other's strengths and weaknesses effectively.

I'll keep an eye out for updates on this story! There's still very much up in the air at this point, and I'm curious to see how all the various threads of the plot will continue moving forward.

Author's Response: That did seem a little too easy, didn't it? Well I'm almost done with the next chapter so we'll see soon what the ramifications are. And the Soviets were definitely a bit overconfident with their protections.

Moody's speech was mostly adapted from one I heard a Marine sergeant give, but I threw in a bit of Batman as well.

Since I used Duncan a lot in another story (and shipped him with Minerva if you can picture that) it's easy for me to forget that most readers of this story are seeing him for the first time and aren't familiar with his backstory.

Thanks a lot for such great reviews! It's been really encouraging how some highly skilled writers that I have so much respect for have given this story such great feedback!

 Report Review

Review #45, by Violet Gryfindor Man's Best Friend

7th April 2012:
Oh, that was a mistake, Anastasia! They have to be playing her, somehow - it's too neat and tidy, getting her out the way while Riddle's cronies are guarding the compound. What do they have planned? It's perplexing, yet it keeps the suspense at a high level, driving the action forward and forcing readers to become as paranoid as Anastasia and Moody (it's an interesting connection between them, actually, that they're both so careful, but it's why they both survive in the vicious world of espionage).

The Albania mission is a perfect tie to canon. I kick myself for not having expected something like that to come up - it fits right into Riddle's own plans and his creation of the Horcruxes, while still appearing innocuous. But what will happen in his absence? I assume that he's left right away, which could be wrong.

And then there's Moody and Duncan making their way to the compound. It's a recipe for trouble, though it could also be a godsend to the Brits because, with all the double-dealing potentially going on at the compound, they could get in and out without someone noticing and/or taking action. There are a lot of possibilities here and I'm excited to see which route you will take.

Once again, excellent work with this story! I like how you rework the conventions of the spy-thriller throughout this story, adding fresh elements and throwing in many twists and uncertainties to keep readers hopping. It makes for a wonderfully exciting reading experience. :D

Author's Response: So obviously there was quite a bit of foreshadowing for the next chapter, but I just hope it wasn't a little too obvious. There are definitely some complex plans at work.

I was looking for a way to get Riddle to Albania, so this seems to work. I'm trying to take the few things we know from canon about this era and weave them into the story as best I can. And he's pretty much about to depart at this point.

There's still a lot more to play out with the plot, and I hope it all comes togther nicely in the end.

Thanks for such a great review!

 Report Review

Review #46, by Violet Gryfindor Daring is Doing

7th April 2012:
Wow! That was a hugely exciting chapter to read with an excellent progression of the plot combined with solid character development. That ending action scene was masterfully done - very easy to imagine from the details you provide, and your clear narrative style works perfectly for the fast-paced sequences. Amazing work!

I can't think of too much to say for this review because I'm eager to continue reading - you've left off not quite at a cliffhanger (as you do conclude the action scene), but you leave readers hanging in regard to what affect this abduction will have on both the Soviets and the British. Will there be a rescue aspect to the story, or is this event merely a step forward for the Soviets? How will Tom Riddle's own ambitions become the wrench in the Soviets' machinations? There are a lot of elements driving forward the plot and I'm looking forward to seeing how you will weave all of these together.

One other thing I wanted to note what your brilliant portrayal of Moody. Everything he did, everything he said... all pitch-perfect. He's a comedic character, as in the books, but there are serious notes in your portrayal too, making one wonder why he's like that, what influence made him so distrustful and difficult. He's much younger here, and that was conveyed very well with his slight uncertainties. It's wonderful to see him so well-written. :)

Author's Response: Hey thanks for coming back!

As of right now, that mission was pretty much there to demonstrate the types of things the Russians have been doing throughout Europe and to show Anastasia in the field, but it may come into play again at some point.

I'm glad you liked Moody. He's a hard character to pin down, but it's also rewarding.

Thanks for the review!

 Report Review

Review #47, by Kwan The Infiltration

7th April 2012:
Two things: I love Cold War era material and I love stories with a historical and political backdrop.

Honestly, you could have written 5,000 words about two people sitting across from each other in a staring contest and as long as they spoke a little bit of Russian, I would have given it a 10/10.

Thankfully, you've written a bit more than that and most of it is fantastic. I particularly enjoy the settings and international awareness of the story. Everything from the descriptions down to the names are on point and really immerse the story in this sort of Bond-esque feel. Evil Russians? Check. Beautiful woman? Check. The Evil Russians are actually being manipulated by an Evil Englishman? Check.

Young Moody is also a character that I haven't frequently read and I'm enjoying his already early paranoia and hope that we'll see how he lost his eye and his leg in this story. No doubt it'll be from either Riddle or Anastasia but as far as origin stories go, you're paying Moody his respects so far. The only little tidbit that I think you overlooked was that Moody didn't know how to tie this 'Muggle' thing. Seeing as how he went to Hogwarts and everyone at Hogwarts wears a tie, I assume he would have at least had a spell for it. But it's a very minor thing and I understand why you had him struggle with it.

Duncan, as an OC, is also well written if not very deep. True, you need a vehicle to take you to all these places and Duncan is very likable, but I'd like to see a bit more depth brought to him. He's funny and engaging and definitely a good partner and a good viewing lens from the Muggle perspective, but I hope he doesn't get short serviced in favor of your other fantastic characters so far.

I have mixed feelings about Anastasia though. On one hand, I do like her strong character and her hesitancy towards Riddle. Riddle is well written so far, though he's hardly had any time on paper (I love the Albania reference). But she strikes me as very Mary-Sue so far. Beautiful, insanely smart, but with certain moral qualms, I hope she doesn't follow a predictable character arc. That's not to say she's a poorly written character, but I think she's more of an archetype than say Duncan.

As far as your technical ability as a writer, I think it's fantastic. You pace it very evenly and seamlessly blend through different POV's with enough uniqueness in each so we don't get entranced into bland POV's. Your sequence involving Riddle beating Anastasia's test as particularly well done and thought provoking. Moody and Duncan's infiltration into the camp is also inspired as a blend of magic and Muggle thinking. It's as if you take the Bond gadgets and substitute them with magical ingenuity. All of it is top notch to be honest.

So keep on writing and I hope you update soon!

Author's Response: Hey thank you so much for such a detailed and in depth review!

Isn't this a fascinating era? And I love how nobody's really written about it in the HP context, so its pretty much a blank slate.

I think Moody is one of the most intriguing characters in the series, and since we know almost nothing about his past, its fun to get to make it all up.

I've used Duncan before in my other long story, so in my head he already seems really developed, so its easy for me to forget that many readers of this story are seeing him for the first time.

I realize that Anastasia pretty much seems like the typical Bond girl so far, and honestly that's pretty much what I was going for. Without giving too much away, all the major characters will face important decisions which will give them a little more depth. But ulitmately this is a plot driven story, so character development was never going to be the main focus.

Thanks again for the great review!

 Report Review

Review #48, by Sierra The Infiltration

6th April 2012:
It's great so far, hope you're planning on updating soon! :) The missions are interesting, better than the simple character development of the first couple of chapters!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the review! I'm almost done with the nect chapter, so hopefully it should be done soon!

 Report Review

Review #49, by Ravenclaw_Charm Snakes in the Snow

5th April 2012:
OH. MY. MERLIN. Really good. Like, really good. The only criticism I have is the grammar - just some errors in dialogue punctuation and all. But other than that, brilliant. Don't change a thing! I also love how a couple of Voldemort's future followers make an appearance.
Good job! :D

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reviewing, glad you enjoyed it!

 Report Review

Review #50, by academica Man's Best Friend

4th April 2012:
Hey James! Thank you for the swap :)

Nicholas seems very cute. I love the attention to detail throughout your writing, but I found it especially nice in the first part of this chapter. I loved the comment about how it's the quintessential mark of an Englishman to be able to brew tea in all conditions, and how you alluded to Moody's paranoia. I really think you're doing well with his character.

Oh, dear, do I sense some foreshadowing with the last sentence of this chapter? I don't know if this was intentional, but Anastasia's paranoia seemed reminiscent of Moody's, if not quite to that extreme. I liked your description of the paperwork (I can definitely sympathize with her; it's the pits) and your portrayal of Riddle. He was smooth and calculated, and he got what he wanted without much effort at all. I think he can be tough to pin down, and you're doing it quite well!

Nice work! :)


Author's Response: Thanks you as well for he swap, Amanda!

So i always figured Moody had a softer side in there somewhere, but its really hard to picture him ever trusting somebody enough to fall in love. (unless maybe he did once and she betrayed him, hmmm plot bunny?) So I figured giving him a dog was the best way to bring it out. Plus I needed to come up with an unconvetional way for them to travel.

Anastasia is kind of a mirror image of Moody in a way, so its fun to pit them against each other. And as for the foreshadowing, well I'm sure you can figure it out haha.

Thanks for the review!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>