Reading Reviews for Their Finest Hour
  
165 Reviews Found

Review #26, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Wheels in Motion

29th January 2012:
Hey! I'm back for chapter three and I have to first say: Congrats! I see that this story has gone from a work in progress to completed. How exciting! I hope you have something new planned for us in the future.

I felt like this chapter was another introductory chapter but I think that was a good thing only because it's obvious you have so many more characters to introduce to us. It's clear you need to use OCs and that's always hard (in my mind) because you have to decide the traits, the characteristics of each new OC and you have to make sure they mesh well with the canon characters and if they're believable and...wow, you had a lot of work to do, didn't you? How did you keep up with all of them!

I thought the transition to Dumbledore was perfect because it showed an obvious contrast in the attitude of Dumbledore and the ones mentioned above. Oh, I didn't realize until the end of the chapter but the last names...Evans? A relation of our dear Lily or just a coincidence? Anyway, I enjoyed Dumbledore's part because this seems to be the push into the next part of the story. Now things are going to start to happen, we'll get to see more of the war and I can't wait to find out how you write that out.

Author's Response: Thanks a lot, it was definetely a great feeling to finish this.

I'm trying to stay as canon as possible and not have crazy time traveling and everything, so obviously i had to use mostly OC's given the lack of availible characters. I also really wanted to tie in Dumbledore's story with the bigger picture of what was going on in the world at the time.

With how complex everything was I pretty much had to use the first few chapters to set things up before things really start happening. Oh, and John Evans' name is probably not a coincidence haha.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #27, by Pixileanin The Calm Before the Storm

28th January 2012:
Okay, so before I get into this review, I have to confess that I read straight through to the end of your story after this chapter, and then I was suitably distracted by "other things" for a while. But I'm back now and I will try to give this chapter the attention it deserves. :)

There were a lot of entertaining moments in this chapter. I don't believe I have a favorite. I liked them all. Bromhead making the pranksters sweep the floor to keep them from repeating the cow incident, Reynold's supreme confidence with his pick-up lines, that annoying Jane lady who kept talking and talking and talking... I bet Lydia and Daisy were well relieved that Reynolds distracted her like that. And then Reynolds had all that psychobabble to quote off to MacDonald. Alright, I have to admit that as my favorite one. : ) So now we brace ourselves for the next part.

Author's Response: This was definetely a fun chapter before the action starts to get really intense, glad to hear you found it humorous. thank you so much for reviewing!


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Review #28, by Pixileanin By Sea, Air, and Land

27th January 2012:
You know, you made me care. I really wanted that Roger fellow to be alright after that scene with John and Daisy, and here he is with another canon character that you've pulled out. Again, nice tie-in. I love it when you do that.

I was so looking forward to the boat scene! It was interesting that you gave Minerva so much action. I never saw her as an actiony type of character before you put her in this light for me. Her role surprised me. (and I like surprises!) I'm not sure about the 'playful' banter between Minerva and this MacDonald guy. They seem so antagonistic towards each other as they head out on what promises to be a highly dangerous mission. But I did like the snowman pummeling. That certainly lightened the mood significantly.

Poor Krum! His character was such a teaser. I felt like he showed up just in time to get himself killed. And I didn't even get to know him as well as I had hoped. *shrug* I suppose you need some red shirts in there somewhere.

The crazy non sequitur that bridged the final scenes together was priceless. Immediately after the erumpet horns blasted, we get thrown into the final throes of a baseball discussion. I really liked that.

And I also loved the end of the scene, which once again propels me into the next chapter.

Veeery interesting...

Author's Response: It's so great to hear that readers care about the OC's! I'm trying to work in as many canon characters as possible, so that seemed to work.

Minerva's role in the battle of hogwarts convinced me that she could be the type of character to be in the action like this. You can probably sense where things are going with the two young Scots, but I was worried it may have been a little overboard in this chapter.

As you probably guessed, Andrei Krum is Viktor's grandfather. Viktor mentioned in book 7 that his grandfather was killed by Grindelwald, so I wanted to work that in somehow. I would have liked to have given him a bigger role, but this point in the story was where it made the most sense to kill him off.

I'm trying to include some normal conversations in the mix of the action, and show how the characters deal with cultural differences (much more of this in the next chapter)

Thanks a lot for reviewing!


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Review #29, by LeoLionheart Epilogue

26th January 2012:
Instant favorite, I love this story not only because it's so great. But because it follows canon. Looking forward to your future works.

-Leo

Author's Response: Thanks a lot, glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #30, by Pixileanin New Plans and New Friends

25th January 2012:
Cows on the roof, a younger McGonigal, plotting in Russia and an aww moment at the end: this chapter has it all!

I like how you gave Daisy a sounding board with the Lydia character. Sometimes shy people need someone like that around to remind them that it's okay to get excited about things.

It sounds like the boys will have an opportunity to try out that boat of theirs. That should be interesting. And the stance that Komissarov is taking reminds me of the British Ministry of Magic a little, and we all know how effective they were in the war... *shudders* When will these people learn that crazy, power-hungry wizards cannot be reasoned with?

Author's Response: Thanks so much for another review!

I think Daisy definetely needed somebody like Lydia to help bring her out of her shell, and also to avoid being the only girl in the story up to this point haha.

The next chapter is really action packed, as you could probably guess.


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Review #31, by magicmuggle01 Epilogue

25th January 2012:
What can I say but an excellent and fitting ending. I knew you had a surprise for the ending. Though I did kind of suspect something. Now you must tell me you've got a sequel of some sort planned? Though how your going to beat this I don't know. 10/10 for your final chapter and 100/100 for the overall quality of the story.

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing the whole thing, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

The next longer story I'm working on is a Cold War era spy story set in the HP world, and it reuses a few of the same characters.


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Review #32, by apocalypse The Battle of the Bulge

25th January 2012:
Hey, apocalypse here with another review!

This chapter was perfect! It had very good imagery and excellent descriptions which allowed me to read and imagine everything perfectly. The way you captured the general essence of the war was really good and I had fun reading how they planned everything out step by step, trying to figure out how to confront the army.

The scene where Dumbledore enters the palace and observes the chaos was amazing! The panic, the frenzy and the confusion was described perfectly and I felt like I was part of those people, receiving news from everywhere, worried about the war. This scene was perfect for me =)

The Grindelwald/Dumbledore duel was brilliant! I found it interesting and felt that it was absolutely right to write it like that. Dumbledore's apprehension was completely understandable and it was very obvious; I think that including that feeling was a good idea. It was almost weird to see Dumbledore feeling so apprehensive but good all the same. Plus, the part where Grindelwald says, "Nice try, Albus," was amazing! Grindelwald was awesome in this chapter! =)

Until next time, Happy Writing! =D

Author's Response: Hey again!

It's very reassuring that you enjoyed this chapter, I'm always concerned about the levels of description in the more action packed scenes.

This Dumbledore/Grindelwald duel was basically a teaser for the big one.

Thanks a lot for the reviews, they are much appreciated!


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Review #33, by apocalypse The Changing Tides

25th January 2012:
Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review!

I liked the start of this chapter. It was just as it should have been after the action-packed scenes in the previous; light and generally happy. The way you expressed everyone's emotions and described the general lightness in the air was very good. It made me feel happy and smile here and there being glad that the characters are enjoying a good time after the work they've done. =)

I love the way you write Winston Churchill! His scenes are great; I enjoy reading them a lot. This one was a very good one and I loved reading it =) You've characterised him very well and I even noticed a couple of original quotes there. That was a very interesting thing you did! =) Loved the 'ugly' part =P

Hehehe, Grindelwald's annoyed now, isn't he? =P He hadn't been expecting Dumbledore to be involved, or he'd just been hoping he wasn't involved. Well, whatever the case, I was very glad to see Grindelwald getting worried over this situation. It wouldn't have been good if he had taken it lightly and had shown over-confidence and stated to move on. The fact that as wizard a powerful and manipulative as him has a weakness and fears someone is awesome. I like it =)

I like the way you're carrying on with MacDonald and McGonagall. It's interesting to see the way you've characterised Minerva; you've still been able to maintain her maturity and her seriousness very well while introducing her romantic side. That's a good take on her character =) I like reading it.

Well, well, well. He's planning again! =P I can see your story picking up pace and it makes me excited. I'm glad the events are occurring more quickly now; it shows the general confusion a war should have. Can't wait to see what Grindelwald has up his sleeve now =P

Good chapter!

Author's Response: Hey thanks for reviewing!

I think the characters definetely earned a breather after the last chapter.

Winston Churchill is fun to write, I incorporated a few of his actual quotes, including the one about still being ugly in the morning. In case you missed it, the aide that he said it to in the story was the Weasley's Aunt Muriel.

The Dumbledore/Grindelwald relationship is very complex and I hope that's coming accross. They are definetely both apprehensive about confronting each other.

Since most people pair Minerva with Tom Riddle, I wanted to go in a completely different direction.

Thanks again!


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Review #34, by Pixileanin Secrets and Soviets

24th January 2012:
I liked the entrance of Evan's team from the fireplace. I could see them tumbling about, all disoriented. Very funny! And Dodge with his ill-fitting uniform... these guys are ready for anything, aren't they?

I thought the description of how John experienced apparition was great.
And the scene with John and Daisy was sweet, with his friends ready to help him out when he needs it.

Your battle scene with Grindelwald was really clean. I could see all the action and feel Grindelwald's arrogance all the way through it. The imagery was really good here.

I really liked how John was able to give Daisy the confidence she needed when it came time for her to be useful. And of course, Dumbledore is up to his usual tricks at Hogwarts, having just found himself someone really valuable to add to his team. I know I said this before, but I really like this tie-in with the Tom Riddle incidents at Hogwarts to the rest of the story. These little reminders that canon is still happening in the midst of the epic battle really ground your story to the books like nothing else. Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for another review!

I definetely thought there was some humor to be had in the wizards and muggles trying to adapt to each other's worlds. And John pretty much needs all the help he can get haha.

I'm glad you lliked the Grindelwald scene, he's a pretty fun villain to write.

Thanks again!


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Review #35, by Pixileanin Reform and Regroup

24th January 2012:
Lovely description at the start of the chapter. It made me very curious about Grindelwald's hidey hole below the mountains. He has quite the dastardly team gathered down there.

I like how you wove the dangers at Hogwarts into your story. It reminded me of how this story fits into canon without detracting from the story we've all been following this far. And Evans got to catch up on some wizarding history. That was good, since he's probably going to need to know a few things coming up. The end of the scene has once again propelled me into the next chapter. You seem to have a talent for making me want to turn the page!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the review!

Since we know nothing about Grindelwald's followers from canon, it was fun to get to make them all up.

I tried to incoporate everythig we know from canon about the era, so I pretty much had to work the chamber of secrets in somehow. I breifly considered having Tom be working with Grindelwald somehow, but I thought that was too much of a stretch.


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Review #36, by Pixileanin New Beginnings

24th January 2012:
I loved the introduction between Daisy and John. I'm sure he made himself ever so memorable. :) I think you matched their personalities well and will look forward to future developments.

I liked the presentation of the action in this chapter. It rolled along nicely. There were places to breathe and we got to see the characters in motion, and most importantly, the plot moved along too. Nicely done!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I try to balance more light hearted chapters after the really action packed ones, and there are definetely more develpments planned for John and Daisy.

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Review #37, by forsakenphoenix The Two Ministers

22nd January 2012:
This was a great continuation of Chapter 1! I really enjoyed History in school so having all these details brought together with the Harry Potter universe in such a believable but intricate manner is fascinating. You do a really wonderful job blending the two worlds together, both facing war and then finally realizing they need to work together if they want to defeat Hitler and Grindelwald.

Your descriptions are fantastic - I love you bring scenes to life, and I can picture everything - like Churchill's War Room. Really excellent job. I loved your characterization of Churchill too; he's weary from the war, and now they must also deal with Grindelwald as well. That line about how it's harder to fight a war without allies - that was really great. But now they're allying with the wizards, right?

I liked the small details about Dumbledore's beliefs that you've tied into this story, like Hotspur's comment about love is more powerful than anything, and how Hotspur knew Dumbledore would've made a better Minister and Hotspur was confident enough that he could still ask for aid from Dumbledore without feeling threatened.

There were a few instances where your punctuation dialogue was off, where you didn't have a period. But other than that, this was very well-written.

My only suggestion, and one that I bring up because it's something that has been mentioned in my own writing as well is that when you're writing dialogue between only two people (so when Dumbledore and Hotspur are going back and forth, for example), you don't necessarily need to have dialogue tags like 'he said' or 'he asked.' It just seems a bit unnecessary, especially when there's only two people having a conversation; we as readers can keep up and figure out who is saying what, generally. I'm not saying take all of them out, but a few here and there probably aren't needed.

Overall, wonderful story. You've certainly got a unique plot on your hands and your background in history definitely helps with the details of the war and the Muggle characters you're bringing into this. Well done.

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reviewing!

From what the little bit we know about Grindelwald from the books, it seems to have so many parrallels with WWII, so I wanted to expand on that a little more.

I really like Churchill and especially his wit, so I tried to incoporate as much of that as i could.

I definetley found Cornelius Fudge very frustrating to deal with in the books, so I wanted to explore what it might be like for Dumbledore to work with a competent Minister that was willing to listen.

This chapter was the first thing I've written tha had a lot of dialogue in it, so your comments on that were very helpful.

Thanks a lot!



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Review #38, by magicmuggle01 The Battle of Nurmengard

21st January 2012:
This was totally brilliant. Surely the battle between Grindy and Dumbledore will go down in the wizarding hall of fame as one of the greatest duels of all time?
This was a fantastic chapter and once again had me captivated from start to finish. I loved the bit with MacGonagall turning up in the nick of time. Now, I noticed in the forums you've said that you posted the last chapter of your first novel, I assume it's this one. I think an epilogue is in order at this point to tie up any loose ends and explain what happened next. Then the final satisfying feeling of pressing the complete button.
What are your plans next? You must do some sort of sequel? Once again full marks.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! That was a pretty epic duel. This is the second to last chapter, the last one is currently in the queue.

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Review #39, by Pixileanin Into the Crypts

20th January 2012:
"Reynolds, the most accurate shooter in the group, then spoke up, "It's not impossible, I used to shoot wombats in the canyon back home, and those aren't much bigger than that."

I couldn't help but have a Star Wars flashback and had a good chuckle at this! (I knew there was a reason you had an Aussie on the team!) I also liked the planned out action scenes here. They were fascinating and entertaining, and your characters were very vibrant. I loved seeing Dumbledore in the middle of it all and I also enjoyed the obstacles they had to get through to get to the scepter.

I suppose if I were to give any suggestions, I would ask you to watch how you place your phrases, particularly in the action sequences. A few times, I felt like your descriptives might have been responsible for taking the surprise/tension out of the action. For example:

"Chaos erupted as the stunned Meisterberger frantically searched for an intruder."

This was great. The action was stated clearly, and was followed by the reaction of the character. I felt this strongly and it moved me into the next sentence.

Whereas this one:

"With a series of loud and fiery explosions, the tomb behind them collapsed on itself, emitting the full fury of a very ancient magic."

I felt a little cheated after this sentence because my mind had the "series of loud and fiery explosions" already painted before I knew that you were going for the big tomb collapse image. So maybe, "The tomb emitted a series of loud and fiery explosions, collapsing under the full fury..." or something. I guess what I'm trying to say is, go for the action first, and the reaction next. Yeah, but you know that already.

Moving on to the fabulous characterization here. Loved the guys, loved Dumbledore's quirky lines and sudden bursts of inexplicable magic. The way you had him suddenly do things, I liked that because I felt the surprise of the soldiers. Meisterberger was entertaining as well. He definitely had that stiff German attitude down pat!

So now that the scepter was destroyed, they'll probably be up against something even bigger. Can't wait to see what happens next!

Author's Response: That was a definetely a Star Wars reference, and I think you're the first one to notice it!!

Those suggestion were very helpful, this chapter was my first time writing a big action scene like this so it was pretty challenging. I still feel like I should re-work certain scenes.

The group of guys here are very fun to write, and I've enjoyed imagining their interactions with Dumbledore. I was a little dissapointed to have to kill off Meisterberger this early in the story, but we get to meet a whole new cast of villains in a couple chapters.

Thank you so much for reviewing!


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Review #40, by apocalypse D-Day

20th January 2012:
Hey! This is apocalypse, here with you review! =)

This chapter was one of your very best! I had so much fun reading it; it was very close to the point of perfection and I loved the way you wrote it all down. After such a brilliant 'calm before the storm', I have to say that 'storm' itself was worth it.

The start of the chapter made me smile. I really like how bring reality into this story making it seem all the more familiar to us. Even though we weren't part of the World War, I feel like you've done a good job of depicting the scenarios. Winston Churchill made it even more real for me and gave your story the exact feeling of history coming alive that I hadn't previously felt so strongly. Good job with that! =)

The action scene was very well written and I was able to imagine the scenes in my head easily. I likes how Evans was brave enough to run across the field, it showed how well trained he was. Oh, and I loved your description of the part where they parachuted. It was brilliant =)

One thing that I had issue with was the Erumpent horns. Aren't they explosive at the slightest touch? Why did these ones have to be lit up? I think that instead of using the name of Erumpent horns, you could've easily invented a new name and given it the properties that you gave the current horn. That would've been better. Though this is only a suggestion; maybe you have a reasonable explanation. =)

I found the characterisation in this chapter to be spot-on. Evans, MacDonald, Minerva and especially Dumbledore, were in character, and behaved as they should. Really could job with that. I especially loved the last line that Dumbledore said; it was so Dumbledore-ish and it felt really right.

The idea of making MacDonald fight the Cruciatus Curse was a very good one; it allowed you to show us how he feels about McGonagall. Honestly, words couldn't have done a better job. After all actions DO speak louder than words. =P Though I felt that the there were some details lacking when it came to the amount of pain he was feeling. You gave it only two sentences which gave it a feel of something being missing; I just thought that there should have been more; it really is a Muggle experiencing the curse, who hasn't even heard of the curse, let alone felt it.

A very good chapter overall! I liked reading it a lot! =) Keep it up!

P.S. Just a small request; next time when you re-request, could you specify what chapter(s) you want reviewed? It's hard to keep track sometimes and I'm never sure how many you want reviewed per request. =) Thanks!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the review!

I wanted to find a way to work Churchill in again, and this seemed to be an ideal spot for it.

I would think that Dumbledore would have been able to create a weaponized version of erumpent horns that were easier to handle and less volatile, but I guess I should have explained that more.

I'll look into adding some more description to that part.

Thanks again!


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Review #41, by ariellem The Shadow Spreads

20th January 2012:
AWESOME! I've been looking for good World War Two/Wizarding World War stories and it seems I've found one, I love this story so far. I hope I get you in the Review Swap some more! :)

Author's Response: Thanks a lot! I feel like thos is a really underexplored era of canon so I get to make a lot of it up!

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Review #42, by javct The Battle of the Bulge

19th January 2012:
Back again!

Well that was an action packed chapter!! I really enjoyed it :D
I loved the imagery you used and the way you wrote the conflict between Dumbledore and Grindelwald was brilliant!

The pace of this chapter was really good and I think you portrayed the emotion perfectly!

The characterisation was amazing! You had every character down to a tee. Once again, Grindelwald was brilliant!

A few grammatical errors throughout this chapter but nothing huge :)

Good job and good luck with the rest of your story!
*Jaz

Author's Response: Thanks for the reviews!

It's getting near the end of the story now, so the final showdown is coming soon!


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Review #43, by javct The Changing Tides

19th January 2012:
Back!

Yay! Minerva & MacDonald kissed! I loved it! I loved this chapter, I love reading about everyone when they get home and aren't worried about the war (so to say).

The characterisation was really good. They have all remained very consistent throughout the story so far. I loved Grindelwald - he was exactly how I imagined him.

Once again, I picked up a few grammatical errors. Might I suggest adding dates at the start of the story? Because it might make it flow better and give the reader an idea how much time has passed between the chapters :) Just a suggestion.

*Jaz

Author's Response: Thanks again!

I'm glad you could enjoy Minerva being paired with somebody other than Tom:)

It's fun to kind of invent a personality for Grindelwald since we see so little of him in the books.

I definetely agree that adding dates would be helpful, however, I must admit that I have intentionally fudged the passing of time in many places for the sake of moving the story along, and to make the major events in the war closer together, so it might get a little too complicated if I tried to put dates in, I might look into it though.


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Review #44, by javct D-Day

19th January 2012:
Javct45 back with another review!!

I really like where this is going; I like all the canon details that you have put in the story. The flow of the story is really good - the chapters have begun to grow longer and the imagery has gotton better as well :)

There were a few grammatical mistakes in this chapter and a few small typos. There wasn't enough to really put me off reading it but I did notice a few.

I love how you have given Minerva a love interest; you have everything canon even down to the last detail.
Onto the next chapter :D
*Jaz

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

The battles are starting to pick up now, and I'm glad to hear it seemed canon.


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Review #45, by classicblack Unlikely Reunions

18th January 2012:
Hey it's me with the last of the reviews!
Ok first, I really liked this chapter. One minor tidbit I want to say before I forget: Filch wasn't caretaker at this time. It was a man called Og (I think that's the name), at least according to Mrs. Weasley in GoF. I think Mrs. Weasley was either going to school now or starting in the near future. Also, it felt a bit odd that Dippet was so willing to let Dumbledore be in charge. Afterall, Dumbledore isn't headmaster yet.
I liked that Dumbledore went to Bathilda and the description of his pain when he entered Godric's Hollow.
With that out of the way, I'm glad that Schwartz found his way into friendly hands. I really actually like his character and I hope that he doesn't turn out to be a double-crosser. Did you know his last name means 'black' in German? If so, I thought that's actually really creative because he's the 'black' sheep among Grindelwald's followers and he's like Sirius, a man that went against the flow and realised what was right after essentially being brought up to think what was wrong. If you didn't do it on purpose, I liked the coincidence.
The fact that some of Hitler's top commanders followed Grindelwald was a nice touch.
I found a couple grammar mistakes, but nothing too major.
I loved that you had an Ablus/Aberforth reunion! It was really well done. Two things with it, though: 1) Again I'm going to mention the description. I think it would've been better if you just described the man who opened the door to the Hogs Head and then started calling him Aberforth after Albus walked in. I think readers would've been able to figure it out. 2) I think there could have been a bit more suspense after Albus asked Aberforth to join him and before Aberforth said yes. More description in this case. It was a totally oppurtune moment for suspense and it wasn't taken.
Overall, I really liked this chapter and I think your story is going nicely so far. Feel free to rerequest any time if you liked my reviews.
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

Author's Response: So I just assumed Filch was so old that he would have been there back then, but I guess not. Although Dumbledore wasn't in charge yet, I think it was pretty well recognized that he was the most powerful wizard though, so he may have had sort of an awkward relationship with Dippet in that regard.

Schwartz's name is a coincidence that I realized later. I'm glad you like his character, I see him as something of the inverse of Peter Pettigrew, I mean they're both the fat guy that gets picked on and they both switch sides, but for totally different reasons.

Himmler in real life was into some really creepy magical stuff, so I think it makes sense that he would have been bff's with Grindelwald.

I look into adding some more description to the Albus/Aberforth scene.

Thanks a lot for all the reviews, I really appreciate it. There's only two chapters left, so I'll definetely re-request when they're up. Thanks again!


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Review #46, by classicblack The Battle of the Bulge

18th January 2012:
Hey it's me with your review!
I absolutely love Patton's character. Honestly, I think you've captured every essence of his personality that we know from history perfectly! I love it!
I also like how you've been naming chapters after famous battles or days during WWII; I think it really gives the reader a feel for the era and what's going on. That's just a side note, though.
I also liked Dumbledore's aversion to facing Grindelwald and the sadness he felt for not being able to spend Christmas with his family. That being said, reading that led me to another little something that could be improved. While describing how Dumbledore hadn't had a Christmas in such a long time, you went into how Ariana had died and how Aberforth and him didn't keep in touch, etc. I felt the last part was uneccessary. Because most of the people who are on this site have read the books and thus know why Dumbeldore wouldn't have had Christmas with family for a while, it wasn't really necessary for the further decription to be added. I think it would've been a lot more effective to just leave it at Dumbledore hadn't had a Christmas with family in a long time. This applies to a couple other things, as well. Just with description, sometimes a lot is required and sometimes just leaving the reader to make their own inferences is just as effective, if not more. Something to work on- balancing levels of description.
Another little something, I'd limit the amount of people that find out that Dumbledore and the others are wizards. Unless you're planning on doing a Memory Charm on them at the end of the novel (which I think would be pretty creative/interesting, especially because John and Daisy have a witch), there seems to be an awful lot of people who know about the wizards, which doesn't sit too well with the Statue of Secrecy (or whatever it's called) that keeps Muggles from knowing about wizards. Just food for thought.
Oh my, I loved the Dumbledore/Grindelwald mini-duel. It was absolutely fabulous! I loved Grindelwald's "Nice try, Ablus". It truly just made the fight.
I'm beginning to like Schwartz. I really love the idea of people realising the wrongs they've done and turning against their superiors. I do hope Schwartz finds safety with the Allies.
I'm looking forward to the final showdown between Dumbledore and Grindelwald!
Nice chapter!
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: Hey again!

Patton was definetely fun to write, altough I did water him down a little bit to keep the story 15+ haha.

I wanted to mention Aberforth because, well you'll find out next chapter. I'm writing under the assumption that most readers are familiar with HP, but aren;t necessarily hard core fans like us.

It seems like they've told a lot a lot people about wizards, but its really just a need to know basis, and well, I won't spoil any more haha.

I'm glad you enjoyed the duel scene, its basically a little teaser before the main duel.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #47, by Pixileanin The Desert Sands

18th January 2012:
And things are rolling now. I loved the descriptions of the surroundings here. It really drew me into the place where the characters were. I thought Dumbledore's little trick with Whittington was fun and the dialogue between the men in the squad was also fun to read. Dumbledore's ability to turn everyone's attention back to the seriousness at hand at the end of the chapter was well done as well. I need to know what is going to happen next, so you're definitely doing a good job of setting up the story. Let's see where it goes from here!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

I kind of needed thos chapter to set up the next chapter, which is fairly action packed.


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Review #48, by classicblack The Changing Tides

18th January 2012:
Hiya, I'm here with your review!
So first off, I loved the drinking scene between the two Ministers. I take it this was what you meant about your favourite scene? Hahaha I laughed when Winston called the assistant witch ugly! My oh my, well done. I like the loosened up versions of the leaders even better than I liked the stuffy ones following protocal!
I also really loved the layers of foreshadowing in this line: "that the closer the Allies seemed to get to victory, the more stressed and uncomfortable Dumbledore appeared." It was extremely well done! Keep it up! On that note, I think Grindelwald's apprehension in meeting Dumbledore could be a little better expressed, just with how it wasn't simply because he was afraid of losing a duel, but also because he was scared of facing his former friend and finding out who was really responsible for Ariana's death. Just something you might want to include in there ;) I liked the reaction you did give Grindelwald, though.
I really love the sense of humour you give MacDonald ('I'm not the only ginger in your life' haha) and the way you're having his and Minerva's relationship progress: slow and steady like McGonagall but full of life like MacDonald. They kissed!
Finally, we get some Hitler action in the story again! I really liked the interactions between Hitler and Grindelwald.
I liked how the wizards used Krum's death to aid their cause, but just a side note, I had to fill out a map of Europe during WWII for one of my classes, and Bulgaria was part of the Central Powers, meaning it was on Hitler's side. I got a little confused when I realised that Krum, the Minister of Magic for Bulgaria, obviously differed in views with the leader of Bulgaria.
Overall, nicely done chapter. I like how even though chapters like this are slightly fillerish (with the relationships and lack of battles and all, although I like them) you still manage to add important events like Hitler and Grindelwald's meeting.
Happy writing,
classicblack

Author's Response: Hey again!

Yea that was the scene I meant, I manged to work in a few actual Chrurchill quotes, including the one about still being ugly in the morning. In case you missed it, the aide that he said that too was the Weasley's Aunt Muriel, who didn't seem like a very pleasant person in the books.

MacDonald is a fun character to write, and I think he's a lot better for Minerva than Tom Riddle haha.

I'll admit that I was a little lazy and lumped Bulgaria in with the rest of Europe. However, I can explain it away by saying that I did mention Krum was exiled, so that could be why they exiled him:)

I basically tried to contrast the happy friendships on one side with the angry tensions on the other in this chapter. Thanks for the review!



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Review #49, by Pixileanin The Journey Begins

18th January 2012:
Everybody's moving around and getting ready for things... interesting. Your first section with the girls was interesting, and I hope you have something planned for them, since they had such a lovely introduction. I loved the transition from Dumbledore's scene to Grindelwald's scene, with the fireplace. That was easy on the eyes, and also made me pay attention. I also liked the scene where Dumbledore appears as "Father Christmas". That was fun too. I can only imagine what Dumbledore would look like in that khaki uniform...

One tiny thing here though, since all of your other characters shine so brightly, I didn't get that same shiny zap from the Grindelwald scene, and I'm trying to work out why... It was from Grindelwald's perspective, I get that. But I guess I expected more out of Adolf Hitler's character there. I wish I could say what, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Hmm...

Author's Response: Hey again!

The girls definetly will play a bigger role later on in the story, this was just their little intro scene. I do imagine Dumbledore would look pretty funny in that uniform, especially having beard and everything.

It was definetely challenging to try to write Hitler, capturing that massive evil in a normal conversation was pretty hard to do, and I'm not sure if I pulled it off or not.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #50, by classicblack D-Day

17th January 2012:
Hey I'm here with your review!
First: yay Winston Churchhill's back! I missed his character. It was a nice look into his thought process during D-Day.
Sometimes the story feels a bit like I'm reading my history textbook or a biography of a WWII figure. I don't mean this as an insult and I love that you add all these historical facts to your chapters because it makes the story extremely realistic (even with all the magic, haha), but it has that history class feel, you know? Not to say it's boring- because it's not- but I just think that's something you might want to watch out for.
Also, on the erumpet horns, Dumbledore mentioned that they needed to be set off by magic or a fuse, but Hermione says in the last book like they can explode at the slightest touch. It also says that they're several feet long, so carrying them in bags doesn't seem all that likely. I like the idea, but I just thought I'd point that out.
I found a couple grammar errors, but nothing too major.
Alright, with all my horrible, negative comments out of the way, I loved Dumbledore's last line- the power of love and all that. Because MacDonald and McGonagall, well you know about them. And it really fit with Dumbledore's character. I thought it was wonderfully creative and a nice touch to have MacDonald have that inner strength to resist the Cruciatus Curse.
I thought to you a really nice description of the wizard/Muggle alliance's side of D-day and again I'm amazed by all your historical accurateness.
Dietrich thought Grindelwald would reward him for killing Dumbledore, but I wonder if that would be true? Afterall, they were best friends- Dumbledore even fell in love with Grindelwald, according to JKR- and I think it might've felt odd to know he was indirectly responsible for his best friend's murder. Could that possibly be something you were hinting at? I hope that you include the Dumbledore/Grindelwald duel in this story.
Overall, nicely done chapter. Just remember to describe duels, battles, etc. a bit more fully to add excitement and above all, don't mollycoddle your characters! hahaha
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

Author's Response: Hey again!

It was actually one of your previous reviews that reminded me that I should find a way to include Churchill again! Not to spoil anything, but he has another scene in the next chapter that's one of my favorites in the whole story.

I was worried it might come of as a little dry, I'm a history major myself, so what's interesting to me would probably be less so to most people.

Well I clearly didn't research erumpent horns much, but I think I could claim that Dumbledore figured out how to make a weaponized version of them that are more compact and less volatile.

I'm glad you liked the last line, I thought it was definetley a Dumbledore-ism.

Dumbledore and Grindelwald's relationship is extremly complex and has many layers, but I highly doubt anybody outside of the two of them would have any awareness of it (aside from possibly Aberforth). On the surface, it would appear at this time that they are simply enemies, and that is definetely how somebody like Dietrich would see things. The duel will definetley be included, and a lot of those issues may come into play, but I don't really want to spoil it just yet:)

I will try to work on including more detail in the action scenes, and I need to keep the group togther for a couple more battles haha!

Thanks for yet another great review!


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