Well I really enjoyed this chapter.
I liked all of the flashbacks to what had happened to her before and how she ended up where she is now. It was interesting to see and gave that needed depth to her character. I felt awful for her because it sounds like she was easily persuaded out of what she really wanted in life by a friend? I wasn't exactly clear who Liesel is cousin, friend, or whomever.
I thought you did great with the descriptions of the characters especially Pia. Whatever happened to her I could feel this emotional roller coaster building up speed as the chapter went along and then it came to an abrupt halt at the end.
The chapter flowed well along with a steady pace and great description it was easy to picture everything you were talking about. It was well balanced because of that.
I can't wait to find out more about what is happening and what will happen along the way.
Keep up the great work! =)
Recenseo 2012Author's Response: Hi! :)
I'm so happy you enjoyed this chapter! Yay, the flashbacks did exactly what I wanted - thank goodness. Yeah, Liesel is her best friend; she was mentioned briefly at the beginning of Chapter 2. But she wasn't actually persuaded by Liesel, it was...well, I'll bring it up again later and you'll figure out who it was ;)
Ah thank you so much! It's great to hear that my character descriptions are getting better :)
Thank you so much for a lovely review (as always)! I'll re-request when the next chapter is up! :D Report Review
Yay my first request!
When I first got to this chapter I almost died when I read 'oh my potter'.. and you're right, he is gorgeous!
Erm.. going to stay professional in these reviews.. moving on!
Firstly, both of your banners on this, and LPALG are brilliant. I'm a useless case when it comes to any sort of graphics but I've always read that animation is really difficult to do well. I think you're doing great with them!
I like to review as I read the chapter so here we go:
Your introduction was really great. It brought me instantly into the story in an entertaining and blunt way, which I liked.
--And with my family and friends, they love Muggles, they do.-- I think you should reword this sentence.. It's really comma heavy and it's kind of an important piece of information that you want the reader to remember. Plus it starts with 'and', it's a fragment.
So, she's James' ex then? Interesting.. *stores in memory and watches for more James action* The way you brought it up was causal enough so it caught my attention, but it wasn't just shoved into the reader's face randomly.
haha.. this: It scares me some because one eye is green, the other blue... made me laugh :p
From my first impression of Logan he seems too good to be true, but in a good way. With my early guesses on a plot he is in the direction that he should be. Now, it may just be his nature, but the cuteness with 'I want to celebrate our love every day' kind of made me roll my eyes and snort a little. Overall for the first meeting and introductions I do like where you are going with his character
ahh, the cabbie! The banter between him and Logan was awesome.
One of the concerns you mentioned was plot holes. Now, it's only the first chapter, but as she watched the wizard family (was it the potters?) and refused a cellphone, she would think to herself 'if you only knew..' one question I have is why isn't she telling Logan? If it's because she's worried what they'll think, isn't she just digging herself deeper by marrying him first? I mean, it'd be better to tell and have him get mad then go through a nasty divorce afterwards over it. Again, this is only the first chapter that I'm reading so this is just what I'm noticing from just this chapter.
ahah.. Facebook! I'm not really tech-savvy enough to figure out how to get Facebook on my iPod (I'm a wreck :p) but if I upload pictures it usually only takes my mom 20 seconds to like them. My grandma made a Facebook the other day! I honestly didn't even know she knew what the internet was.
Anyway, back on topic.
I like Cassie so far, but I would like a little bit more of her personality in the future chapters. I get it though, that this was more of a plot set up and introduction to Logan, but just something to think about for future chapters. She's really lovey-dovey with Logan which is sweet, but how does she act by herself? what are some of her mannerisms that maybe Logan points out, (like, "You always bite your lip when you're nervous" for example) I really liked the inner dialogue within her thoughts, so keep that up because it was entertaining.
Her backstory was good, I got a good idea of her in that category, so you don't have anything to worry about there.
Small note, I loved Albus trying and failing to be inconspicuous. He's a doll.
Overall, this was a very great introductory chapter. All of the stuff I mentioned is very minor, and I think you have a really interesting and original idea here. I hope this was a little helpful! Feel free to re-request for chapter two!Author's Response: Ah, yay! OMG I didn't expect you to write so much! Thanks!!! *hugs!*
Oh, gosh, Zach Quinto is beautiful. Glad you liked my little pre-reading comments ;)
Ahhh, thanks! I don't get many comments on my banners (nor do I really expect them, haha), so thanks so much! I just use Elements. The animation is tough at first, but it's quite simple when you really think about it. It's like a slideshow, kind of. But thank you!
I'm so happy you like the intro! Cassie's mind is quite entertaining ;)
GAH, fragments will be the end of me! It's only because I speak in fragments. There are probably fragments in this response. I'll fix that. It doesn't flow quite right, does it?
Ah, yes, she's James's ex. Glad you stored that information. Might come up later... *hint, hint*
The eye thing came out of the blue (ha, one of his eyes is blue!) and I just wrote it in. Don't ask me why. But I'm glad you found it humorous! (Well, this is a comedic fic, eh, why not?)
I'm glad you like where I'm going with Logan :) I only put that line in so I could add in that banter between him and the cabbie; he's not actually being serious about that, though. He's not very serious to begin with. But as you read on, his character will develop, promise.
The cabbie-Logan banter was so fun to write. It's pretty much the conversations I have with my guy friends ;)
Oh, snap! I'll go back and make it more clear why Cassie doesn't want to tell Logan. You are right; she is digging herself in deeper by marrying him. This may be cleared up in future chapters with a back story (I have so many of these that I need to write), but I'll see if I can clear it up in this chapter.
Facebook on your iPod? Just get the app! (There's an app for everything, seriously!) The app is so easy to manage. That's totes adorbs that your grandma is on Facebook! Awww! :D But, yeah, my friends and family are so quick to like my stuff, so I though I'd bring that into this story ;)
Cassie's inner dialogue will never go away, promise ;) Like I said, her mind is quite entertaining! But I'll give her more personality. I'll definitely keep that advice in mind!
Albus is totes adorbs. I'm so happy you enjoyed his bit :)
Thanks so much for such a long and detailed review! You're awesome! I'll definitely re-request! :) Report Review
This is a really good story! I can't wait to see where you go from here!!! I can't wait for the next update and I hope it's soon! I really want to know what happened between her and James! And Logan seems absolutely amazing!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying it! New chapter will be going into the queue this weekend :) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Wow. An emotional chapter. I could feel for Cassie, especially at the end of the chapter. She's clearly been through quite a bit emotionally.
It's great to read more of Cassie/Sophie/Pia's backstory. I just want to know so much more! James, Logan, and everything in between. Everything is set up so beautifully and I just want to fill in all of the blanks.Author's Response: I'm so glad I've written this so emotionally that you could really feel for her. That's awesome to hear! (Ah, yay!)
I'm happy to hear (read?) that you're enjoying the back story :) I just have so much in my head about Cassie, Logan, and James that I need chapters to tell you all of it!
Thanks so much for an awesome review! You are so sweet! Thanks! Report Review
I love this story and I can't wait to see Cassie's story develop I'd love to see more of Cassie's family and eventually James. Update soon!Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! :D I'm flattered to know that you're really enjoying this! I'm sending in Chapter Five soon (it's already written - go me!), so it'll be up within a week (ugh, this queue is killing me!). You'll definitely haven't seen the last of the Quilltons and James ;) Thank you so much for reviewing! Unexpected reviews like these always make me smile :D Report Review
Wow this is really really interesting!
I really like the idea of her being a pureblood who is marrying a muggle but its even more interesting that her family aren't racist purebloods but she's still scared to tell them.
Logan seems really cute and I love the couple interaction between them. It makes their relationship particularly believable and Cassie seems to really love him!
The fact that they go to the station on september 1st made me laugh because there was obviously going to be someone she was going to bump into but in a way I'm glad it was Al rather than James because it would have made it exceptionally awkward.
What made it difficult for me though was the fact that Logan didn't know she was a witch. I know about the Secrecy laws but I think that Logan would have maybe known something about it because obviously they were engaged. I understand why you didn't let him know!
Well done on this pieceAuthor's Response: I'm so happy you find this interesting and that you really like this idea :)
I love Logan, haha. It's great to hear that you like Cassie/Logan and that their relationship is believable! I'm not exactly a relationship expert so...haha.
Naturally, Cassie just has terrible luck so she would end up at King's Cross on September 1st, but, yes, no James. I'm not letting it get awkward this quickly ;)
You're just going to have to wait and see who knows what, why things were kept secrets, and when it'll all explode!
Thanks so much for a nice, lovely review! :D Report Review
This chapter was really amusing. I like how you have everything working up to her setting the metal detector off. She was acting all suspicious earlier and I could totally see something like that happening.
I also really liked how you've included all the HP characters taking thier kids to school. It totally gave it the Next Gen feel without going in depth Next Gen characters (Just like the last chapter).
I don't really have any criticism for this chapter so I'm just going to leave off there. This chapter was really well done so good job.
-LizAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for such a nice review! :) I'm so happy you haven't found anything to criticize (haha), and you're enjoying it so far. I really wanted an original Next-Gen, so I'm glad that my non-in-depth Next-Gen story is working ;)
Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Hello! This is Nymphie Tonks with your requested review. Sorry it has taken me so long to get it posted! Lots of homework and exams to get ready for this close to the end of the year and I just…I haven’t had as much time on HPFF as I would have liked. But I am here now with your review, so here we go!
This was a relatively good chapter. It was easy to get into and follow along with, though I would suggest reading through the first couple of paragraphs because they seemed to be a little choppy, which affected the flow of the chapter. It made it a bit more difficult to read, but I think most of it is just wording, but it is definitely something to look at. And other than that, the flow was great. The pace of the story was pretty good too. I was a little concerned when Al came over though, because it seemed like a really rushed encounter.
I also have to ask if Al knew about Logan being a Muggle. Because if so, I think he would have been more cautious when talking to Cassie because of the whole secrecy act or whatever it is that doesn’t allow Muggles to be informed of the witches and wizards that live amongst them. I think he would have been more careful about mentioning being head boy and everything too.
But other than those few things, this was a really good chapter (no grammar errors or anything that I noticed). I liked the dynamic between Cassie and Logan. I also adored how Logan stepped up against Al when Cassie tried to act like she didn’t know him. It was cute. Because the Logan in my head…well, he’s nice to look at ;)
Hehe, great job!
~GrimmerzAuthor's Response: Don't worry about it! Sorry it's taken a while to respond! I know school can get absolutely insane, so no need to apologize :)
I'll definitely take a look at the first few paragraphs. I wrote them on impulse on my iPod, so that was my first draft. I'll try to drag out Al's scene, too. But I'm so glad that it flows well, and it's easy to get into! :)
I totally forgot about the secrecy act, haha. But, no, Al didn't know at first sight that Logan was a Muggle. In my mind, he assumed that since Logan was with Cassie, he was a wizard as well.
I'm so happy this was a good chapter, haha. I'm also glad you like Cassie/Logan. Logan stepping up against Al was probably my favorite to write in this chapter (because I need a boy like that, lol). The Logan in my head is also very nice to look at, haha ;)
Thanks so much for a lovely review! Report Review
You may want to fix the date. You have the flashback as 2009 but the books ended in 1997 and the epolouge where James is about twelve or thirteen doesn't take place until nineteen years later (2016). Probably just a typo, but still.
and you might want to flesh out the flashbacks a bit.
But other than that it's good. I'm really interested in how Cassi is torn and I don't think Logan compleatly bought the whole studying birds bit.Author's Response: Sigh... I know about the date mix-up. I keep meaning to mention that I want to keep the story in the present, so I can make use of current events and such. I'm figuring I'm just going to change it to the canon year.
I'm actually getting ready for a BIG flashback soon, so that'll be my fleshy flashback, haha ;)
I'm so glad you're enjoying this! Logan's smarter than the readers give him credit for, I think, haha. I'm happy you're interested! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! :D Report Review
Oh... interesting start. And yes, I agree about ZQ (Sylar was the poop--word changed to prevent moderator itchiness). I cried when he came out of the closet. I mean I was happy for him, but still...
I'm really glad you didn't have Logan find out in the first chapter, caus it almost looked like you were going to there for a moment and that would have been a little trite.
Houses as a sorority? interesting take on it. The best part is that it's not all that far from the truth.Author's Response: Hahaha thanks! Oh man, ZQ... :P I haven't actually watched anything of his (sigh.), but he made a cameo on one of my favorite shows. I was like, "What a good looking guy." I looked him up and BOOM - out of the closet. Sadness forever... (It's always the pretty ones, too!) Well, yeah, gotta be happy for him :)
Nope. No. No. He's not learning about this that quick. Hahaha. I like suspense and insanity ;)
Haha, you're the first to comment the "Houses as a sorority" thing :) It really isn't that far away from the truth, which is why I HAD to put it in there.
Thanks so much for a lovely review! Report Review
Hi. It's CypressQueen with your review.
I was wondering if you are following canon. Becaise in the books, The Battle of Hogwarts is in 1998 and James is born in 2005. Whereas you have him born around 1990 I think.
I'm finding everything extremely believable and I love how you started your story of at King's Cross. It serms really fitting, and I love the flashbacks she has. It really adds to and broadens the story.
The story seems to be flowing really well. Although Iwas a little confused as I couldn't quite figure out wether she was at the airport or not. Also, why was Cassie's dad, sent into to interview her, does he work there. Other than everything is flowing really nicely.
~CypressQueen~Author's Response: Hi!
Yeah, I'm mostly following canon. I wanted to keep the story in the present, so I can mention some current events. But I've noticed lots of people are getting confused with dates and things, so I'll change that :)
I'm so glad it's believable! :) When I was first writing this, I practically smacked myself in the forehead and was like, "Oh man! What if they were at King's Cross?!" It just opened up all this craziness, which was great to write. I'm so glad that it's all "fitting" :D Especially the flashbacks! The flashbacks are great - I'm so glad I'm accomplishing that broadness I was going for, haha.
So happy it's flowing well :) But I'll clarify that she's at the airport and why her dad's there. (He doesn't work there. He's doing some wizard-intervention with the security checks.)
Thanks so much for a lovely review! I'll re-request! :) Report Review
Great start to your story. Bad start to a marriage. :P
Seriously, though, I am really loving where this is going; I'm already picturing meddling parents and ex boyfriends. And I'm loving Logan, that taxi scene was so cute and funny. :D
I wonder what he'll do when/if she tells him. :P
SamMalfoy93. :DAuthor's Response: Haha, definitely a bad start to a marriage ;)
I'm so glad you're enjoying the plot! The taxi scene was fun to write :D I'm happy you liked it! And Logan's great - I'm glad you like him, too :D
Haha, you'll just have to wait and see what happens!
Thanks for reviewing! :D Report Review
Great characterization. You built up a lot of drama too, and i'm waiting for the whole things just to..EXPLODE. :) Well, now apparently Al knows that Logan's a muggle, and doesn't Logan seem sort of daft to you? The plot line is very good, and I didn't see any major grammatical errors. Nice banner, by the way :DAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed the characterization! I don't think it's one of my high points, so that means a lot :D
Oh, gosh, it's going to EXPLODE, trust me ;)
Yes, I see what you're saying about Logan being daft. In my head, I see him as smart, just kind of oblivious to all this magic. I'll make him more intelligent and on top of things in upcoming chapters :)
I'm so glad you like the plot and that you favorited it :D It makes me really happy you like the banner too, so thank you :)
Thanks for a great review! I'll re-request! Report Review
Mm... I think this chapter is starting to get me a little bit confused. When I read the first chapter, I didn't get the feeling that Cassie has a problem with her family. I thought her only problem was that she hasn't told them about the Muggle thing. So I felt that this chapter jumps a little bit too much. I've read other reviews on the previous chapter about the need of some background infos about Cassie... and while I think the info you gave on the previous chapters are good enough for me, I think now I see why a knowledge of that missing info is needed. I am now wondering how long has Cassie left the magical world, her reason for doing that (because I haven't see any strong reason/indication why she needs to do that). But maybe you have a reason to write it this way.
And, I find the idea of dark wizard using plane a little bit odd. It just doesn't sound like them :D
Anyway, I still enjoy reading it, but to start unveiling her backstory more thoroughly in the next chapter(s) might help ease the confusion away.Author's Response: First, I just want to say I REALLY appreciate you R&R-ing all three chapters for review tag. You are amazing :D
Second, I see what you're saying about being confused. I'll definitely clear that up in the next chapter, so it's not so befuddling. Sorry about that. Thank you for pointing that out!
Yeah, I know it would be totes insane if Voldemort jumped on a plane, but that'll also be something revealed later.
I'm so happy that you're still enjoying it :) I'll definitely reveal more about Cassie pronto! Thanks SO much for R&R-ing! :D Report Review
It's so fun to see the Wizarding world from the POV of a Witch in a muggle world! And it's LUNA! Her appearance was brief but i love it!
One thing that's a bit confusing though, is when Albus made an appearance again, and Logan asked Cassie why he had bird with him... and she answered that he went to some boarding school far away which studied birds... I'm confused as to why Logan didn't inquire further or get confused because on the previous chapter, Albus introduced himself as Cassie's school friends... (Ow, I hope I explain ok)
Anyway.. on to the next chapter. Wondering about what would happen :DAuthor's Response: I'm so happy that you're enjoying it so far!
Writing about the Wizarding World in this perspective is actually really interesting, and it's fun :) I'm so glad you liked Luna's appearance! (I was writing this scene, and I was like, "Oh yeah, Luna's GOT to be here." :D)
Oh, you are right about the school thing! You explained that perfectly, no worries, haha. Gah, I totally forgot they mentioned they went to school together... I'll go fix that - thank you!
Thanks for R&R-ing! Report Review
So far so good. I think the first chapter of a story is very important because it helps determine whether a reader would want to continue reading it or not, and this one is for sure a good one! I like the air of this story. It's light and funny and very easy to follow.
The interaction between Cassie, Al and Logan are funny... also the one with the overly friendly cab driver :D
It's a promising start and I'm going to read the rest :D
Until then...Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D It makes me so happy that you read and reviewed the 3 chapters I have up so far.
I'm glad you like this chapter and the "air" of it, haha :) Their interactions were great to write. I couldn't help but smile the entire time ;)
Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Hi! Love the story so far, sorry I haven't gotten around to leaving a review sooner! I like Cassie so far, she seems like a good character. I can't quite figure out what to make of Logan yet, amd excuse me for saying so, but there's just something about him I don't quite like/quite trust. I can't pick it out exactly, it's weird.
I must sound a bit crazy right now, haha. So anyways, I was a bit more than surprised when her dad walked in. I think I like him so far, he's a cool dad (wow, that sounded REALLY lame. I apologize, haha). I just can't wait till she finally arrives at the in-laws house! I have a feeling that will be... interesting :)
Looking forward to reading more!
-Bella :)Author's Response: I'm so glad you're enjoying my story! :D
Cassie's a little bit of a different character for me to write, so I'm so happy you like her!
Oh, no! You can't trust Logan? Well, that'll have to be changed. I'll try to make him seem more trustworthy, haha ;) You definitely don't sound crazy, though, haha.
Yeah, writing about her dad walking in was a risky choice for me to make, but I'm glad it's bringing about this surprise :) It's what I was going for, so that's good. He really is a cool dad, I'LL even admit it, haha. It's not lame at all! I had a blast writing him :)
Oh, arriving at the in-laws' is going to be great ;) You'll see... haha.
Thanks so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it! :D Report Review
I was so excited when I saw your request! I just love this story and its unique look and twist on the Next Gen Era.
I was shocked when the guy that was in the other room with her was her father. I enjoyed all of the mystery and thought that you left us there on quite the cliffy! I can't wait to see what happens next or to find out why she hates or dislikes her old life so much. Also why she won't talk to her Mum.
I really like Cassie. I think she is a great OC that brings a lot to the story and makes things fresh and interesting. I think she carries around this cloak of mystery that pulls the reader in more. She isn't your typical witch, but is still easy to relate to and find her character believable.
I really liked the description throughout the chapter and thought it helped paint a vivid picture in my mind. The flow wasn't messy and the pace was well balanced.
Overall, I thought you did a fantastic job with this chapter. I love your characters and I think that your idea is still unique and fun. I cannot wait to find out more about Cassie and what is going on with her and her life that has made her act and choose to be the way that she is now. I loved your description and well balanced flow & pace. It helped the chapter move along in a smooth way.
Keep up the great work!! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Hello! :)
You were excited when you saw my request? Awww, that made me so happy! Thanks so much! I'm so glad you really enjoy this story :D
I'm glad Cassie's father's appearance was shocking - that's what I was going for ;) Hahaha, don't worry, everything will be explained in due time...
You like Cassie? Such a relief! She's great to write, and she's a little out of my comfort zone so it's really great to hear that you like her.
I've been definitely working on my descriptions, so I'm glad they're working :D
Thank you so much for such an awesome review as always! I'll definitely re-request! :) Report Review
I love this chapter and I love Cassie's dad!! Please try to update soon :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! Writing Cassie's dad was a blast, so it makes me so happy to hear you loved him! :D (I love him too, haha ;]) I'm in the process of writing Chapter 4, so it should be up in a week or so.
Thanks so much for reviewing! :D Report Review
It's Rosie with your requested review! :)
The moment of truth for Cassie! Dun-dun-dun...!
This gets more and more interesting, doesn't it!
The flow, grammar, punctuation, and everything else was perfect! Very easy to follow and understand, which is terrific!
Only noticed one mistake: You said the flashback occurred on June 1, 2009. That doesn't make sense. James II would either be four or five years old in 2009. Most of the time, authors calculate the ages of their OC and Next-Generation characters to be mathematically correct. Just to let you know, the epilogue took place in 2017, On 2017, James II was twelve or thirteen years old, so he most definitely wouldn't be a teenager in 2009. If you need help figuring out the ages of the next-gen characters, go to Harry Potter wiki, which is what most authors use to get their characters' ages right.
Also, I know James II/OC isn't on the pairings list, but just so that you don't confuse the reader into thinking it's a marauders era story at first glance, change it to "other pairing." :)
These are very minor mistakes, and don't interfere with the story's plot at all! I still think is a wonderfully written, well thought out story, and I'm very anxious to read the next chapter and read about what happens to Cassie! :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing so quickly! :)
Yes, I know about the year mistake. I meant to clarify that I was making all of this take place in the present in my "Author's Note" thing. I just needed to use the present as the time period, so everyone's up-to-date with all the current events and cultural things - it comes into play a bit.
I'll also change the pairing! Sorry that was confusing, dear :P
I'm so happy you're enjoying this so far! I'll make sure to re-request so you'll find out what happens ;)
Thanks for such a great review! :D Report Review
This was a really good start to a Next-Gen story. I like how you kept it centered around people that weren't related to the Weasleys in some way shape or form. It felt like it was about Cassie not the other Next Gen kids, but at the same time you included them as a bit of a sneak peak for whats coming. Basically you gave off a sense of origionallity from this which I love to see in Next Gen stories cause a lot aren't all that origional.
Also I like your concept that you have going. The pure blood that is marrying a muggle but nobody knows it is an interesting read.
I didn't see any grammar errors (not that I'm an expert) so that's good. The only thing I saw was your formatting you had one paragraph that wasn't indented towards the top that made my OCD bell go off, but thats just me being extreamly nitt picky.
Anyway really good start. Hope to see you again in the BVB battleAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! I was hoping it came off as original, so yay :) I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! OMG, I have a bit of OCD too. That messed up indent would totally make me grind my teeth, haha. I'll fix it.
Thanks for a nice review! :) Go Team Blue! Report Review
It's Rosie with your requested review! :)
Loved this chapter, and again, I loved how well-written this was.
Poor Logan was being a clueless muggle again. And it's really entertaining to read about Cassie's cover-ups of being a witch.
I only noticed a minor mistake: It's Madame "Malkins" not Madame "Maulkins."
Anyway, this was very amusing, especially with the cliff-hanger. The only thing that confuses me is how the James/Cassie romance can possibly occur? Of course, I'm pretty sure you've got it all planned out? :P
~RosieAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for your nice review! :) I'll go back and change Madam Malkins's name. >.< Haha, oops.
I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! :D
I've got James/Cassie all planned out, promise ;)
Thanks again for reviewing! I'll re-request :D Report Review
Hi there! Reviewing from the forums.
I have to preface this by saying I enjoyed your other story (Let's Play A Love Game) a little better than this one. Perhaps it's just that an OC is the main character, but I struggled relating to her. That's not to say it was poorly written. Perhaps it's just my beginning into next generation stories that has me befuddled so far.
Anyways, I liked your use of modern day technology as a way to establish the setting. Though I should warn that I hope it doesn't stray too far into using Muggle technology. Some of these stories of people travelling to America tend to just become stories that have nothing to do with magic and just use HP characters. It's perhaps one of the hardest things to do (moving the characters to America), but I hope you can pull it off.
Their relationship is gentle though without the added counterweight of James yet, it feels rather flighty. Cassie, as a character, is quickly established, but Logan is rather generic so far, only having lines of response and reaction to her. Besides his appearance, I don't have an inkling of what makes him tick.
I do like the different viewpoints of various characters though. The identification of Luna and other various spots during their stay on the Platform was amusing. Furthermore, her difficulty passing through Muggle customs was a healthy reminder that Cassie is not as attuned to Muggles as others are.
I must admit that I think it's just the lack of back story that has me confounded so far. Without any basis of knowing Cassie, it's hard to feel for her for the moment though I think that might just be due to the brevity of the story so far. As it goes on, there will probably be more to sympathize.
There's some minor words misspelled and misplaced, but I think that's more to do with typos than any lack of grammatical understanding. Just a careful read through should mop those up.
A good beginning that I couldn't quite grasp as quickly as your other story. If you need another review, feel free to re-request!Author's Response: Thanks for such a thorough review! I figured I'd ask you to R&R so I could get a different perspective, since you're new to Next-Gen. ;) You definitely opened me to a different view, which I appreciate!
I took note of your comments on Logan's character. I'll definitely add more to him :) A little more of Cassie will be revealed in Chapter 3, but I'll keep your comments about her in mind!
Oh, and about the whole American thing... I'm just more familiar with the States, and I thought it would be interesting to see how Cassie would react to it. But there will definitely be some magical mishaps throughout the story!
Thanks again for your review! :) Report Review
Oh I love this story! It's such a good idea & different from the other stories which involve muggles in them XD
One point I noticed is in England you go to college from 16-18 then onto University from 18, but a lot of people chose not to go to university but I know in America there college is like our university :} So you might want to change that part as you said he was fresh out of college, which would be alright if he was in America but it wouldn't work for Cassie as she would be English, she would be fresh out of university in the lie XD
I hope that makes sense & isn't too confusing haha :}
Anyway I can't wait to see where you go with this story, update again soon! :D
~BlameItOnTheNarglesAuthor's Response: Ooh, thanks for pointing that out! That would be very helpful haha :) In the States, we go to college from 18-22, then go onto grad school (or whatever) for about 2 or more years. So I figured that Logan would think it was weird that she had gone to just college and finished school at 22 - that's just not enough for us Yanks, haha ;)
But thanks for clearing that up. It makes perfect sense! :)
Thank you so much for leaving such a nice review! :D xxx Report Review
I liked the way you flowed this story with the flashbacks and also her daydreaming about James. I think it was good that we got to hear about her past relationships with him. :) It was nice getting a little bit of background on James!
Overall I think that the plot flow was good. At first I had a hard time registering that she was just daydreaming about her memories with James and couldn't tell if it was a daydream or real but I think you transitioned it nicely and explained it which made me glad!
Sorry for the late review :) I ended up going away during the weekend since it was the last weekend of my spring break.Author's Response: Don't worry about it! A great review as always :D So glad you enjoyed it! Thank you!! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection