Reading Reviews for Here without you
  
57 Reviews Found

Review #26, by SnitchSnatcher To noble for his own good

19th September 2012:
Hi, it's Molly from the forums with your requested review!

I know you said not to focus on the grammar errors, so I'll skip over those and get right to the meat of it, which, according to your post in my thread, was the characterizations.

I thought you did a really great job with Hannah and a good one with Neville. I don't know if he would have been quite so fumbly and nervous in the heat of the battle as he'd grown a backbone under the combined reign of terror of Snape and the Carrows, but he still felt distinctly Neville. I would suggest perhaps not making him so completely helpless in the situation, though; out of most of the students, in canon, Neville appeared to be one of the more level-headed one. Just some food for thought!

Also, Ginny - while I think you've got the basics of her character down, you have to be careful that you don't take one trait and amplify it so much that the rest of her character gets lost. By that, I mean her quips, mainly towards Neville when he's trying to help heal her. I don't think that Ginny would have been quite so severe. Perhaps a little more understanding on her part, given that they are in the midst of the battle, would be a good change to make. Again, it's just a suggestion since you asked me to comment on your characterizations. :)

I do think you did a really great job with Luna, too. I could hear Evanna Lynch's dreamy voice in my head when I read her lines of dialogue.

At any rate, I'm glad that you're working to fix the mistakes in the chapter. That shows such great initiative and I think that with a bit more practice, you'll become more than just a good writer - you'll be an amazing one.

- Molly

Author's Response: Thank-you so much for the review. I've actually got a beta reader for this story now which is great and it has helped the story so much so far, the edited version of this chapter is already in the que so it shouldn't be long before all grammar mistakes are fixed.
I still think Neville would still be the nervous boy that he always was and I don't think he'll ever change out of that... perhaps I did exaggerate it a bit :( but I feel as though he would be nervous. But thank-you for the tip
I understand about Ginny, but I think most people if there servealy hurt would be a little snappy, again I over did it a bit.
Thanks for the review and for seeing potential in me, it means a lot
:D
- kjp


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Review #27, by True Author Dementors

19th September 2012:
Hello! I'm True Author with your requested review! =]
In spite of grammar and punctuation mistakes, this was a really good chapter. I'm glad you didn't waste your time writing about Ginny's conversation with her family. You have concentration on your plot and you mentioned Bill, Fleur and her parents were there so that thing is cleared too.
I won't bother you by picking grammar mistakes, but I think you need a good beta reader for grammar. Grammar brings clarity in a story having a serious plot like this. In general or humorous stories you don't think about the grammar much.
I enjoyed this! :)

Author's Response: I've actually now got a beta reader, and I now realize how much mistakes I have :D Thank-you very much with the review and not dwelling too much on grammar skills.
Thanks again
- kjp


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Review #28, by 実機 Terrified of a Memory

17th September 2012:
Nice story ☆*:.。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆

Author's Response: Thanks very much for the kind review and for reading this story up to this far:D
- kjp


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Review #29, by talltwin18 Terrified of a Memory

15th September 2012:
This is a great chapter! I love hearing Ginny's side of things. Also thank you so much for putting me as one of your favourite authors, that was really lovely! :)

Author's Response: aw its ok, any fan of this story is my fan :D Thanks for the review it means a lot, i'm currently halfway through the next chappy and it should be in the que by tommorow

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Review #30, by RosieQueen To noble for his own good

15th September 2012:
It's Rosie with your requested review! :)

You know, I kind of remember reviewing this story before...I don't know what happened to those reviews, they're gone! Maybe it was a server glitch. :P

First off, I'm glad you know about your grammar, punctuation, and spelling problems. I won't pester you too much about it, but I would highly recommend that you get a beta for this story. I see that you've already revised this chapter once, but there are still lots of mistakes. A beta is someone particularly skilled in this area, and can help your story a lot.

I really like how this started off! It was a way to get the reader interested, and I like that. Starting off with action is a great start. I also really like the overall flow to it, it was steady and mostly easy to understand.

Once critique I have though is for your word choice. For example, when Ginny is hit with that glass, it seems too mild for her to just say "ouch." Maybe you could say: "she moaned in pain" or "shrieked in pain" because it seems more appropriate.

One thing I did like overall was the characterization. Everyone seemed very believable, especially Neville. I liked how he wasn't doing too good under pressure. Hannah was great too! I think we'll find out more about Hannah later in the story. :) But I like her already.

Of course, since Ginny is your main character, her characterization is something you should be especially careful about. Right now, in battle, she doesn't seem to believable. She seemed way too calm and mischievous. In the books, when Voldemort is calling for Harry, this is the breaking point of the battle. This is the part where everyone is tired, exhausted, and panicked. I'm not telling you to change anything, just maybe show some of Ginny 's panic near the end.

I hope this didn't sound harsh! I was only lending some tips. You really do have a great start here. :)

~Rosie

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and not dwelling on the grammar stuff. You might have reviewed before but what happened was I started the story again from scratch some time ago and all the first reviews were deleted... sorry. I always saw myself like Ginny, so when I write her I write myself and I think she'd have kept the pain to herself and tried to keep calm.
I'm glad you like Hannah. Actually when she first comes into the story properly I didn't like her at all, but as the story went on a fell in love with her character
You didn't sound harsh its ok:D
Thanks for the review
- kjp :D


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Review #31, by worship the nargles Terrified of a Memory

13th September 2012:
AND *ANOTHER* STEP CLOSER TO THE BATTLE YA! thank you so much for the the shout out again!! and i'm serious, this is my favorite chapter! thank you so so so so much for everything and btw you are also the AWESOME one!

10/10

Author's Response: This is my favorite chappy 2, I was oringinaly not going to put the scared of Tom thing in but I really think that Tom riddle would be her boggart at stuff because she's still scared and thats the reason she fights things on her own :D
Thanks for another review
- kjp


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Review #32, by daretodream To noble for his own good

12th September 2012:
Hi! I'm daretodream from the forums, here with your requested review.

I think you have a good idea for a story here. I've always wondered what exactly had happened during the year that Harry was gone, and it is interesting to see the different adaptions that people come up with.

I also think that you got a lot of the aspects of Ginny's character down pretty well. You have her characterized as a strong, resilient girl, which she certainly is. And the tidbit at the end is so sad, because you know that she really can't bear the thought of losing Harry, and it is distinctly possible that she will.

The other thing that struck me as tragic was Neville mentioning that Ginny's mother would like her in the Great Hall as soon as possible. Knowing what that's about, I can't help but feel sympathy for her.

Keep writing!

~Cassie

Author's Response: Thank-you very much for the kind review and for not pointing out any mistakes that I've made it meant a lot to hear everything that you said. I was orginially going to make the Ginny know that Fred was dead but I thought i'd keep it a secret, because the readers obviously know what it is, i'm glad that came across.
Thanks again
- kjp :D


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Review #33, by True Author To noble for his own good

12th September 2012:
I'm True Author with your requested review! =]
This was a nice first chapter! I loved the way you started the story and your plot is just fabulous. Ginny's life in Hogwarts without Harry is a great plot with lots of space for imagination!
still you need to fix some barely noticeable grammar and spelling mistakes! they are not that important though!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, its much appreciated :D and thank-you very much for not putting too much about my terrible grammar problems :P Thanks again, your amazing

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Review #34, by Grammar Nana First day back

8th September 2012:
how old are you? are you purposely murdering English grammar? Your sentences don't make sense: your spelling is atrocious. Your story line is interesting, but very difficult to read with so many grammar and spelling mistakes. Please take the time to learn the difference between the word "to" and "too": "their" there" and "they're": and when to use them. Also when to use "a" and "an". Commas would help separate different ideas in your sentences.

Author's Response: hello, thanks for reading the story, as the story gets further on my grammar does improve and i'm going back over the first few chapters and re-doing them. Thanks for being nice about it :D
- kjp


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Review #35, by Taryn Leaving home

8th September 2012:
k i dont think u know this but ive been following this story for a long time now. i wish i could have reviewed the other chapters but i am a very big fan and i really dont have the words to describe how amazing this story is. yes there are small mistakes but i still enjoy this story so much. i really cant wait for the battle i am so excited! plz update soon. :)

Author's Response: oh wow, really? I've got so many really faithful readers and i'm so honored that you've been following you story it means a great deal to me. I'm going back over the mistakes once I've finished, i'm even going to far as making a new first chapter. And i also cannot wait for the battle i'm so excited to write, I've already written the chapter when Hagrid carried Harry and it was heartbreaking to write. Thanks so much for reviewing and the next chapter should be in the que any day now

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Review #36, by worship the nargles Leaving home

6th September 2012:
AND WE COME ANOTHER STEP CLOSER! :D once EPIC chapter you are too awesome! and i'm also shaking from excitement every chapter because of the battle! you are so awesome, this chapter is going on my top 5 fav chapters of this story!!

Author's Response: aw thank you. and its u who is the aw some on, not me. Again thank-you 4 the review and i'll try to update soon. You are still the most awesome reader ever :D

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Review #37, by Seyma a shoulder to cry on

1st September 2012:
I noticed your story on the forums and I just had to drop by. I am very impressed with your plot and characterization! I won't pester you about your grammar and punctuation since you already know it needs work (which I agree with) but otherwise it's a great story. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, it means a lot that you came and read my story. I'm planning on going back over once i've finished the story and correcting all the grammar and punctuation and spelling mistakes :D Thanks again

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Review #38, by Seyma a shoulder to cry on

1st September 2012:
I noticed your story on the forums and I just had to drop by. I am very impressed with your plot and characterization! I won't pester you about your grammar and punctuation since you already know it needs work (which I agree with) but otherwise it's a great story. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, it means a lot that you came and read my story. I'm planning on going back over once i've finished the story and correcting all the grammar and punctuation and spelling mistakes :D Thanks again

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Review #39, by worship the nargles a shoulder to cry on

31st August 2012:
AND WE COME EVEN CLOSER TO THE FINAL BATTLE!!! :))) great chapter as usual and yay ginny is now officially friends with hannah! hannah does seem very nice now that are narrator/protagonist has come to like them. thanks for another amazing chapter and reply, keep it going! (i can't wait for the battle of hogwarts!)

Author's Response: I have a little confession to make; I didn't really like Hannah when I first put her in the story but now she's one of my favorite characters.
I can't wait for the battle as well, every time i write i'm shaking because i know its getting closer :D thanks again for another amazing review. You are awesome :D


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Review #40, by HarryPotterrfan101 a shoulder to cry on

31st August 2012:
Thanks for the chapter!! I reread this story while waiting for new chapters. This is great. Keep up the work!!!

10/10

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing, i'm planning on editing the first couple of chapters because I feel like towards the most recent chapters i've done my writing has improved and you always need a good starting to the story to get more people reading. Thanks again for reviewing, your amazing :D

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Review #41, by megthechef43 To noble for his own good

30th August 2012:
Kelsey,

I think your story is a good one. I like seeing a headstrong Ginny, because that is the way she is suppose to be. I also liked see the emotion she felt at losing her family and the possibility of losing Harry as well. I'm glad that Harry was the one to catch her when she started to have an emotion breakdown. I think there a quite a few strong points in your story that could be embellished to make a strong story.

I'm not going to mention much on your spelling and grammar since you are aware it needs some help. It was distracting while I was reading.

I think you need to spend a little time on spelling & grammar and this story, so far, is worth the effort. I would love to read more on Ginny's POV during the war and I think you have the right emotions in place for this to be a very good Ginny novel.

So, Yes. I think this story has potential.

Meg

Author's Response: Thank you for the feedback and not dwelling on the grammar and spelling parts, I've put into the queue the edited version of it and I think its much better than before, i'll probably come back for re-request once its validated and get your opinion then

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Review #42, by worship the nargles Blame

25th August 2012:
oh thank you so much for the shout out! :) this chapter is wonderful and i'm so glad its not ginny's fault, but i do still feel sad for ted and andromeda. i think its good that ginny's starting to like hannah a little because her and neville are so close that it would stink if she completely hated the person the he's spending his life with. though i love when you said that it drives ginny crazy sometimes to be with hannah because she's so girly. thanks again for the shout out and very nice responses! :)

-WTH

Author's Response: yay! hello again, thaks for another amazing review. I wasn't going to make Ginny the blame for Teds death not a chance of that but i do feel like she should slowly start to like Hannah even if she does drive Ginny crazy. The next chapter is probably going to be my longest, and finally after that 1st of may arrives and it all goes from there. Again thank-you ever so much for the review, your amazing :D
- kjp


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Review #43, by GinnyGryffindor Rules

21st August 2012:
Lol. Ten points to gryffindor. Was that a mistake or a joke?

Author's Response: oh no hagrid was meant to give them points because of luna being clever... i'll make that clearer soon :D

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Review #44, by AriPotter To noble for his own good

20th August 2012:
Hey. I'm not a reader of your story, but I thought I'd tell you that you have several capitalization and "your" vs "you're" mistakes in you summary. If you fixed those, you'd be more likely to get people to give your story a chance and click on it in the first place.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing firstly, i've decided that once i finish the story i'm going to go back over and get rid of all those mistakes that i made. Thanks for pointing it out and giving my story a chance for yourself
- kjp


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Review #45, by worship the nargles Breathless

18th August 2012:
great job! man every chapter just gets better and better eh? i also wanted to say (because i always forget) emerald eyes is a very clever password! :)

10/10

Author's Response: Thank you very much, you are off course one of my most loyal reviewers so thank you very much. I thought the password was very neat too ;) lol, Thanks so much again
- kjp


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Review #46, by Amie Breathless

18th August 2012:
OH MY GOSH I LOVE THIS STORY SO SO MUCH! I am in love with story seriously I am! Please please please please update soon!! Just a few mistakes here and there but they don't bother me too much. You write a perfect Ginny!! :D Maybe you should get someone to beta-read this over at the forums, it will help this story a lot. The forums is also a great place to get more reviews. Ex: You can request reviews from there and people will give you suggestions on how to write better, and people will notice your story more. :) Anyways, this story is AWESOME!

Author's Response: wow wasn't expecting such a enthusiastic response to my story... thanks so much. I've thought about the beta thing and i keep trying to but the forums really confuse me, i have no idea what i'm doing on there. So thank-you a i think that i probably will soon do what you said too. My stories only a small story with not to many people reading but i'm ok with that because the people that do read are really kind and help me to improve. The next chapter is in the que already its called "Death and Torture"

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Review #47, by HarryPotterrfan101 thinking clearly for the first time

14th August 2012:
Great chapter! I love this story; it is so awesome. I really can't wait till Ginny gets to school though and how she will survive until easter break. GREAT WORK!! cant wait for the next update.

Author's Response: wow thank-you much appreciated. School gets a lot worse soon so watch out. I know my writing isn't the best so i thank-you for reading and reviewing it means a lot
- kjp


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Review #48, by worship the nargles thinking clearly for the first time

3rd August 2012:
YAY! that was a nice little happy chapter that i think was put in greatly (i needed a break from all that depressing, sad, detention everyday of your life ginny.) though the the darker parts of the story are also very emotional and detailed so i'm not trying to say there bad, in fact there great! :)

10/10

Author's Response: thanks for coming back and reviewing again... u r off course my most loyal reader ;). I've been away for 2 weeks so the next chapter will be up soon, sorry i didn't reply back sooner. And i thought it would be a nice change I was originally not going to put fred and george in the chapter but i decided i would so she could spend a little time with Fred before... well u know :(

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Review #49, by hufflegal Pain and glory is all I fight for

30th July 2012:
d.a fo eva! go dumbledores army!

Author's Response: lol, of course!

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Review #50, by HarryPotterfan1023 Insane mothers and worried older brothers

28th July 2012:
Pretty good whens the next one coming out?

Author's Response: soon... i should have it in the que by tommorow but then once thats validated i'm afraid i'm away for another week. Thanks for reviewing it means a lot

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