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This was such a good opening chapter. The emotions passed easily to the reader and we could feel for this character. This isn't something that happens very often in a first chapter; but the way you presented Dominique , her situation and the setting around her, it felt so natural and "homey", it was easy to feel for that girl.
I really like it so far, great work on the presentation and the writting. This chapter flowed easily and I didn't spot any errors or typos. Great work so far, I really enjoyed!Author's Response: Im glad you like it so far. And I am happy that you think I got the feel right for the story, that is always the hardest thing for me. This review has like made me a happy bunny. Its always nice to know what people think :D
Thankyou so much for reviewing x Report Review
This was a great start, poor Dominique! Update soon!Author's Response: Thankyou :) And dont worry I plan to get at least 1 chapter out in December.
Glad you liked it x Report Review
When I read the summary for this I thought something entirely different! Not a pregnancy so that was a good surprise. Interesting, I have read one other story for the de-cliche it challenge and it also has pregnancy in it but this is rather different. I could not picture Dom (I usually see her as a fiery girl) getting pregnant so I was taken by surprise but your characterization is different compared to all the other Dom's that are out there so after I read the chapter I could picture her getting pregnant. Well, does that make sense? Even though she's considered a 'good girl.' You know what I mean? I hope you do.
Anyway the paragraph I really liked out of the entire thing was the end when she stumbles out of the bathroom and went to hide the test. That entire chapter was really heart breaking. It'll be interesting to see how you have Fleur and the others react.
Oh! Just one thing :D :
chose should be 'choose'Author's Response: Awww thankyou so much for the review, I cant stop smiling. This has made me day :D
Ginerva_Molly_Weasley wrote the summary for me and I cant thank her enough. And I'm happy it was a good surprise and not a bad one xD I do understand what you are saying and I am glad you liked my characterization of Dom I was worried people wouldn't like it :)
Thankyou so much for the review
Haha this is great!
It really lives upto the 'cliche' of a teenage pregnancy. I'm so glad you haven't made Dominique the blond-haired perfect Veela as we often have the tendancy to do. So I'm guessing that's stage 1 of the De-cliche?
Since you've rated this 'M', I have an idea as to where this is going - and if so - I can't wait to read it :)
Hope the next chapter is up soon (even if it was the one you 'forgot' to put in the queue) :P
It really was a great start :DAuthor's Response: Hey dont remind me how silly I can be XD I am glad you liked it and im happy you like the brown haired Dom. I just Never imagined her being blonde, it just wasnt right.
And yep this is only stage one and I think by what you said you are thinking the right thing but Im not saying anything.
Thanks for the review, it means a lot x Report Review
Ello, there. I couldn't wait to review this, and it's very well written. You have a few puntiuation problems, but that's all right, easily fixable in most cases, including this one. I can't wait to read more about her.
I was wondering...how in the bloody hell did Domi get brown hair? :PAuthor's Response: Haha after NaNo I am going to update this because I actually wrote it in two days so I could get it out before NaNo XD Thank you for the review.
And how did she get brown hair you ask, well Fleur's Dad had black hair so I was like Dom can have brown hair because brown is just black and blonde mixed together XD I just couldn't imagine her with any other hair colour.
Again thank you for the review :) xx Report Review
i wanted to get in touch with you. i revised my story alot and i almost have 100 pages! but sadly i have some things that break the rules, so ill try to post elsewhere. also, i love what you have so far and i want to know who the dad is!!Author's Response: Thankyou :)
Please tell me when your story is up but next time contact me on the HPFF forums. I am xxJazminexx on there aswell x Report Review
Well, I think you have a good opening chapter and I'm sure you'll go somewhere with this story. The plot is intriguing since we don't exactly know the circumstances of Dom's pregnancy.
I'm also participating in this challenge which is how I found your entry. :] Tough competition! I hope you do well, though. I like how you're switching things up. Great job!
There were a few misspellings which you will probably catch from doing a read-through or getting a beta, but other than that, I think you did really well. Good job and good luck!
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Thankyou so much for the review! Its nice to hear from someone else who is entering the challenge!
I was planning on getting a beta but I thought I would wait until after the challenge has finished otherwise to myself its like I cheated xD
I wish you the best of luck in the challenge and thankyou for the review x Report Review
I love the summary :P But the story is amazing too. I think you're doing really well with the de-cliche challenge. It has just the right balance and I love how youre writing it. Please update soon :DAuthor's Response: Aww thankyou so much. Someone actually gave me the summary... Oh wait it was you :D Haha!
And chapter 2 is in the queue, has been there for a few days so it should be up soon :) x
Thankyou xx Report Review
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