Poor molly. Maybe she was with the boy when she had the accident 9/10 : )Author's Response: Thanks for the review... and maybe ;) Report Review
I liked it; the only thing that I would have to add to it would be that I would have loved the story to continue on for longer... Other than that it was nice!Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review, I'm glad you liked it :D Report Review
Aw, that was sweet. I like how you didnít have it with all her memories suddenly coming back because sheís connected with Leigh, but that it made it okay for her to remember, easier somehow. My only complaint is that I felt there couldíve been a little more between Audrey and Molly regarding the revealing of Leigh and that relationship.
I donít think I had anything grammar or spelling wise to critique which was nice since Iím such a stickler for it and such mistakes can annoy me. But here, I was able to just go through the whole thing and enjoy the story as it unfolded. Iím a bit ďaw, shucksĒ of how she really didnít remember all 17 years of her life, but also hopeful as youíve given me a bit of closure on how she and Leigh are able to stay together and build new memories with each other.
xCharAuthor's Response: Okay, more between Audrey/Molly. Got it. Thanks!
I didn't want her to remember everything or it would be a bit too cliched, but I'm glad you liked the closure with Molly and Leigh :D
Thanks for all your reviews! :) Report Review
Hi, I decided to come back to just finish this story off since itís interesting to me :)
Oh Molly you shouldíve looked right away! (Why do people insist on yelling instructions to characters who obviously arenít going to do what they say? Their fates already have been decided by the creator.)
Even though youíve kind of glazed over the awkwardness of the beginnings of the new relationships between Molly and her family, I think youíve done a superb job of summing it up with Lucyís upset and her parentsí sadness and disappointment. Then you introduce this lovely scene of a family foodfightÖ
LOL, de-gnoming makes Molly a part of the family. Iíve always found it a bit daunting to write the Weasley-Potters because of how many people there are to write about and keep track of. I feel like youíve gotten the family aspect down, especially Grandma Molly and her mashed potato ladle :)
So youíve given us a little more of a glimpse of what happened to her that night of her accident. She was out on the street with a love of hers? But did he abandon her when she got hit? Because that would be way to no-no in my book.
On to the next chapter!Author's Response: Oh, I get angry with characters all the time. WHY DIDN'T MOLLY LOOK?
WHY ARE YOU EXPLORING A HAUNTED HOUSE AT NIGHT?
FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST GIVE HER A HUG! (that one was last night, watching When Harry Met Sally)
Family foodfight... I have sneaking suspicion that if I threw a potato at my mum she's throw it back but I daren't try it!
There are so many Weasley-Potters. I reckon JK uses the Lexicon and HPWiki to keep track of everyone :D
Thanks for the review! You'll see about the guy... :)
Hey! I really like this chapter especially because it is for the Post Secret challenge. I would love to see the postcard you were given!
I love the fact that you are writing this about such a little known character. This means you have a lot of licence with her to develop her personality as she rediscovers herself!
I'm intrigued to see why Bessie said 'We have a live one,' as that insinuates there has been a big disaster in which a lot of people had died but then James said she was trying to kill herself so it's got me very interested into the story.
You have given just enough information in this chapter to make sure that we want to read on and the little snippets into her life such as her being close to James and her being good at drawing is really good!
Well done on this!Author's Response: Thank you very much. The 'we've got a love one' comment is because Molly is supposed to be in a ward full of comatose patients, and I've tried to edit the chapter in order to show it better, but it hasn't come through validation yet.
I love writing next-gen because it's almost like writing OCs :D
Thank you for the review! :) Report Review
I always like reading new stories (I guess thatís why I opened up a Review Thread!) and this one looks to be an interesting one! I like seeing how a writer takes someone who basically knows nothing of a very established past and gets them reoriented. Usually we get a full restoration of memory, but Iím interested in what you are going to do with this. Plus we have a minor NextGen character being written about! I love that! I can get sick of the whole Scorpius/Rose, Teddy/Victoire, James/OC mix! :)
LOL, donít follow the light Molly!
ďIím not supposed to help you,Ē Bessie whispered conspiratorially, ďBut itís Draco Malfoy!Ē - Holy Shamoly?!? What?!? Iíve actually never seen that! What are you doing to the wizarding world! (look at me, Iím Bessie-ing it with my exclaims). I canít even fathom that what with his family history! Wait, unless this is some alternate reality where evil rulesÖ
Poor Molly. Whoever she is, she has a massive family, and they all look insane. - I LOVE MOLLY. Iím sorry I just had to come out and say it. Her dryness tickles me, absolutely tickles me to death. I am GREATLY amused.
There was a bit of a confusing part here with Molly remembering the guy she was laughing with and then James walking in. I thought she was still trying to remember the guy she was with and then she said that it was James and then I was like ďEw. Her cousin?Ē and then I remembered ToS and realized it couldnít be that. So yeah, as you can see, I was thrown for a millisecond there.
The flow is quite nice, though I wouldíve liked to see more of the hospital interactions. You briefly touch upon it but I think there could be more gotten out of the moments there. I do find it believable just based off the data youíve given so far. Iím in a total mystery about Mollyís accident though!
All in all, this was a wonderful story to start reading. In fact, when I get a chance, Iím just going to go ahead and finish it since itís short. You write Molly incredibly well. Even though she doesnít know who she is, sheís got at least her own self sorted out a bit: dry, funny and just a little sarcastic but a very practical attitude. Her accident is very mysterious and is a great pull to me wanting to read further. The family interactions, especially James, was done perfectly in my mind. I like how you have Molly comparing his attitude towards her as old-Molly/new-Molly and how I can see that thereís a distinct difference in his attitude. Anyway, Iím rambling, but as you can see, I did really like this and I hope to read more later on today!
xCharAuthor's Response: I actually love you.
Yay for minor Next Gen! I felt like I was ignoring Molly in my NextGen novel, so when I entered this challenge I wanted to give her a voice! By taking away her memory. my logic is rubbish.
Erm, follow the light... yeah. Cliches, I LOVE THEM.
I wish I hadn't made Draco MoM now, because it really isn't important. I just wanted someone canon for it, and he popped into my head. Sorry! Don't worry though, in my head he's a lovely guy.
Molly's dryness... Yeah. :D I was trying to see what I could do with her memory loss, and I thought bluntness and being sarcastic would come to the top.
EW. Molly and James? EW. EW. EW. I'll try and make that clearer. EW.
I'm glad my mystery is mysterious.
Thanks! YOU'RE GOING TO CARRY ON READING? I LOVE YOU. *cough* I've already said that, haven't I?
More family in the next chapter for you then, and I'm very glad you like Molly as a character.
THANK YOU! √Ę¬ô¬• Report Review
*Reluctantly starts writing review*
Uh, well, the thing is... I dont really like it that much. I was... disappointed. *shudder*
Explanation: Okay, it was good. No flaws in the writing or anything, but it felt as if something was missing. I'm not sure why, but thats how I feel.
Maybe the whole finding this guy and becoming all happy was rushed. I'm not sure. I think that the part where he talked to her was good, but the little bit after, maybe more details?
It seems as if her happiness comes to quickly for me to process that its changed, and that she is happy.
Okay, now I have made it sound like its all bad. It's not!
It's almost brilliant! I like it, very much so, but I know that you are amazing at writing and truthfully, you can do better.
Oh, I hate being all harsh.
Hopefully you get what I'm trying to say.
Now for my favourite bit, the praising!
I loved the whole cliche running in the rain scene. Because, admit it, it is. But I liked it anyway.
Also, Audreys reaction to the drawing was good. I like Leigh, and it was very unexpected that he was a muggle. I'm glad you didnt make her memory come back, that would have been too much of a perfect, fairytale ending and also compeltely unbelievable.
So, mixed reaction? Sorry, but its true...
PS. I will reply to the PM, its just my computer has been stuffing up...Author's Response: Okay, I shall work on the stuff you suggested. :D Thank you! It is very much appreciated.
Also, I LOVE CLICHES. Omnomnom. It took all my willpower not to have a) them kiss, then b) the rain stop/ sun comes out/ a rainbow appears and then c) her memories all coming back in a flood. Probably with the ones about Leigh first.
Thanks for the review, I shall look again at this chapter :D xx Report Review
Aw, that was super sweet! I love how it wasn't completely cliched and she didn't get all of her memories back.
I'll be honest, I'm still a bit confused about how the first chapter opened. I'm assuming now that it definitely was at the scene of the accident, but why were there wizard nurses or whomever there? They were asking her questions about the magical world in the middle of the street? Because the "live one" comment means they weren't at Mungos yet. I do think I understand the outfits though! It was witches failing at dressing like a muggle nurse I'm assuming. I think that a really clever touch, and a rewriting of that first section would make all that a lot clearer and allow people to enjoy those little nuances, like the muggle outfits.
Again, this was so fluffy and sweet! It was a great way to end this story. You really built up to this moment, it was slightly predictable, but I didn't mind one bit!
I think that you could be better off ending this a bit earlier. I do love the last line, but the whole last section about what happens was unnecessary and felt a bit cliche. We don't need to know that they lived happily ever after. Ending it at "He loves me anyway." I think would be brilliant! But that's just me!
Greta job with this piece! And I really like how you took the postcard and interpreted it into this wonderful story! I hope you had fun with it all!
:)BaletGirAuthor's Response: I hope I answered all your questions regarding the first chapter in my last response, but if not, I've also PMed you on the forums :)
I'm afraid I'm a sucker for a cliche, but I wanted to give Molly and Leigh closure whilst not falling into; 'and she got her memories back and they lived together in happy butterfly land.'
I had so much fun writing this, thank you very much for posting a wonderful challenge! :)
-starryskies55 Report Review
Wow, I really like where you took this in this chapter.
I am so conflicted right now. I'm glad that Molly's learning to live without all her memories, and it seems like she might not even need to get them beck, but I feel so sorry for Percy and Audrey. I can't imagine how awful it must be for your own child to not recognize you, and then for that child to completely change.
I think the quality of your writing was very high in this chapter! Everything was very clear, and there were no grammar issues besides one typo that I saw.
There is still so much I want to know though! Like who is this guy? How did her accident happen? What was going on when the first chapter started? I'm kind of disoriented about that, was that the accident itself happening? Because originally I thought St. Mungo's had been attacked or something then. And what was with the healers' outfits?
I think, depending on your answer to the last bit there, the opening of the first chapter could do with a re-write. Its a bit unclear, and the writing doesn't measure up to the rest of the story. I think you are a really good writer and should showcase that through out.
Whew, that's a lot, and not even everything! I hope the next chapter has a lot of answers! I am anxiously awaiting them!
:)BaletGirAuthor's Response: The first chapter was supposed to be set in a ward at Mungo's; a ward specifically for coma patients. The healer outfits were supposed to gel with the films' portrayal of them. Madam Pomfrey was dressed in WW2 nurses clothes, so I made the older nurse reflect that, while dressing the younger nurse in more modern, up-to-date clothes. Also, in the last chapter Molly tells us that she 'was involved in an accident with a bus a month ago, and... woke up two weeks ago.' and I also specified that she woke up in a 'long white hospital ward, surrounded by sleeping patients' so I hope that clears up any confusion :)
It was quite hard to try and find a balance between Percy and Audrey being glad that they had Molly back and them being upset that she was different, but I hope that I made it work.
I answered your review backwards... :/ Thank you! :) Report Review
This was a really nice start to this piece. I really enjoyed it.
I think it took your writing a bit to really get into a good flow. Beginning around where we realize that Molly's lost her memory, your writing was very good. To be honest, before that it was a bit lacking. I'm not sure if maybe the entire chapter needs to be in the same serious tone that the second half is in, but Bessie was throwing me off a bit. She didn't fit with the rest of what was going on. It was obviously a very serious situation that had occurred with some sort of accident occurring within the hospital, I'm hoping you'll clear this up in the next chapter, but here is Bessie too calm for me.
As I said before, I really enjoyed the second half of this. I found it so interesting. I'm really liking Molly as you have characterized her. She seems likable, which is rare for her in fanfiction. I am really excited to read the rest and see how she copes with everything, and hopefully find out more information.
This chapter set up a lot of things. I hope that two more chapters is enough to answer all the millions of questions swimming around in my head right now! I'm off to see!
Thank you so much for entering my challenge! I hope you enjoyed participating! The results will be posted in the Challenges Hall of Fame thread, and the winners with be PM'd on the forums! Good luck!
:)BaletGirAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked my version of Molly, and I'm going to take your criticisms on board and re-write the first half of the chapter, although I'm not sure that I'll get it up in time for your deadline :(
I really did enjoy writing this for your challenge, and I'll look out for any more challenges which you put up! :D Report Review
I loved this story. It just goes to show that true love is a very powerful thing to have.
So Molly was hit by a bus, well I almost got it right LOL :D.
Nicely done and 10/10.
I hope to have a new story up soon called a day in the life of a house elf. Should be up by friday, hopefully.Author's Response: When I read this review this morning I giggled, and reading it again now made me laugh some more. Not sure why its so funny, but it was.
Thank you very much, and well done for guessing (nearly) correctly :)
I will keep a look out for that story! House elves are by far the BEST magical creatures in HP :D Report Review
I am now led to believe after the dream Molly had been run over by a car. Though I could be wrong.
And what are her parents looking so worried about.
Another good chapter and 10/10 and moving on.Author's Response: What are her parents looking so worried about?
Thanks for the review, you're amazing :) Report Review
So far I'm enjoying it tremendously. I like your characterization. And you have me wondering what young Molly has been up to to lose her memory like that. 10/10 and moving on.Author's Response: :D Enormously happy you like it, thanks for the review :) Report Review
WHO IS THE BOY! The suspense is killing me hereAuthor's Response: Calm down! The next chapter is up :) Thanks for the review xx Report Review
Aha! Another chapter up, how ever did I notice that?
Well I actually, to be perfectly truthful with you, like this chapter better than the last one. So, that means its better than good so it must be eitherof the following: Spectacular, wonderful, amazing or brilliant.
I'd go with brilliant since it sounds the coolest. Plus its my new favorite word.
Anyways, I love the fact that she is funner and nicer than her old self. I mean, she must still be the same person and personality but the way sh acts surprises everyone. I'm glad she made friends with Lucy. It seemed like Lucy finally has a good older sister and its nice for her.
Also, the guy at the door? Obviously the guy she is drawing. I am so curious as to who it is. I can't wait until she meets him and finds out how they are connected. Maybe he is her secret boyfriend or something
Now I might have a coughing fit that contains random words like: story, up, review, cookies.
Oh, did I mention that I love it? Well, I actually do. Even if you hadn't mentioned (SUBTLY) I would have reviewed it anyway.
So... good job at being amazing!
- KerrynAuthor's Response: You have eyes like a hawk to notice my oh-so-subtle updating. I applaud you.
Brilliant is your new favourite word? Out of that list, I'd say spectacular is my favourite. *nods knowingly and wisely*
I'M GLAD I HAD HER MAKE UP WITH LUCY TOO! And I'm happy she's nice. It's sweet! :D
Guy at door. well, the next chapter is up soon :D
And already there, my dear, already there. No skin off my nose. I'm not LAX in the slightest. Yeahhh.
Thanks for the review! xx Report Review
Its good (but aren't they all?)
I liked the beginning especially, and you still managed to make me laugh even though I was busy being concerned over her memory loss.
Wait!? Draco Malfoy as Minister of Magic? Well, that new and mildly alarming.
I like it alot, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Hopefully drawing helps her remember things, or at least find out who that guy is :)
I feel sorry for James.
-Kerryn (uh, inkbutterfly?) ;)Author's Response: *swells with pride* I honestly love you.
Yay! I'm so glad you like it... my hinting was so subtle, wasn't it?
Ahh, I just stuck Draco in there. He's not important. It's only three chapters long! I just wanted a canon as MoM, and he was the first I thought of!
Next chapter is in the queue- I'm getting all of this up before updating HAT or M&M. Sorry :P
I know, poor James. George did beat him at Exploding Snap.
-Jenny :D xx
Brilliant. I have never read anything from Molly's point of view before. Youve done a beautiful job so farAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! I hope you carry on reading :) Report Review
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