I love this story idea and I really like Arielle! The only thing I would say is that I noticed a few typos and there was this one quote:
"That's the spirit love I knew you would soon!" Cathy grins, showing off blindingly white teeth.
And I couldn't tell what you were trying to say. But other than that, I loved all of it and your writing style makes her very relatable. Anyways, good first chapter and I'm on to the next one :DAuthor's Response: Thank you! I will look over the typos as soon as my exams are over (their killing me) as for the quote:
- "IheartQuidditchplayers, IheartQuiddicthplayersÃ¢ÂÂ I quickly mutter trying to see how fast I can say it.
Ã¢ÂÂThatÃ¢ÂÂs the spirit love I knew you would soon!Ã¢ÂÂ Cathy grins, showing off blindingly white teeth. -
Cathy's referring to the previous line where she tricks Arielle (who hates Quidditch players) into saying she "hearts Quidditch players" . So when she says "I knew you would soon" she means I knew you would love Quidditch players soon.
Sorry if my explanation made no sense :) But i will try to edit that line later on so it's more understandable.
Thank you for loving it and being so amazing :D
P.S I'm sorry for the weird A's that keep on popping up in this response- my laptops gone wonky ;) Report Review
I love your story! A wizard model, that never occurred to me! You really should have more modeling in it (sorry, but I looove that stuff), and longer chapters (although I get the feeling from the smiley face you like short chapters...)! And I want Arielle to see more of Al and Scorp! (Not dating-wise, just friendly!!).
But it's really good, and it's your story, so make it awesome! It has been so far:PAuthor's Response: Haha thank you!
I definitely will have a bit of modelling in it later on in the story (it's just started so don't worry, I will write about her shoots later).
Yeah my second chapters length is quite suckish. I was going to add the family dinner on to it but then it would get rather long and it seemed like a good idea to end the chapter there.
I will strive to make them longer in the future :)
Yes there will be quite al lot of Al and Scorp throughout ;) I love them and so does Ari XD
Thanks so much! I'm so glad you've enjoyed it. Thank you for reviewing and sharing your thoughts :)
Great chapter, loved it!!
This is just minor but I thought you might want to know, there are a couple of small gramatical errors that I noticed more in the beggining of the chapter than the end. It's basically just little things like missing the r off your and the occational full stop at the end of speech. Really things that aren't worth mentioning but I get annoyed if I find things like that in stuff I've written.
Anyway, I LOVE Al and Scorp!! They're so funny, I can't wait to have more of them.
And the next chapter with her family sounds like I need to read it alone so I don't look like a weirdo when I randomly burst out laughing (this tends to happen a lot...)
I really like Ari, it's nice to have a story set when they're a bit older. It's getting a bit tiring of having so much set when they're at Hogwarts.
Are we going to find out why she became a model? Because at the moment I can't see how she would have gotten into that business.
I can't wait to read what happens next, please update as soon as you can.Author's Response: Thanks :)
Yes I did notice the terrible grammar mistakes in my writing a few hours after it was validated :S I'm actually hating my self so much for making them right now :D
Don't worry I've edited both chapters and they're in the que again, but thanks for pointing out the mistakes because sometimes I really don't notice :)
Hahaha thanks! I love 'em too XD I can't wait to update again (after I edit the family dinner). I'm so happy you find it funny and actually laugh! *cue spaz attack* HFEWPIFNESQUEEE :)
Thanks: I'm sure Ari will appreciate it ;)Haha yeah yall have to wait a bit to find out more. I'll update as soon as it's all been edited properly.
Thanks X10 for reviewing again! Hope to hear from you soon :) Report Review
scorpius and al were a surprise. i like it. they're great.
i hope she's not that self-absorbed, whiny kind of girl. i mean, sure, everyone loves to bitch to their friends once in a while. and she does show interest in scorpius' and al's lives. but still, please don't make her too self centered. busy, sure. but... okay, i guess i'm not really worrying for a good reason anyway.
i wonder what james is like. i hope she's not too prejudiced. though it seems like that and it's going to be fun, i bet.
she's tough, isn't she... sucking it all up, his bullying and her self-consciousness and not saying a thing because scorpius got it worse than her. respect!
i love the direction this is going. i can just repeat what i said in my last review: i think you're a good writer and i like to story. (= thanks for sharing!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing yet again :D
I'm so glad you liked Al and Scorp cause I love 'em ;)
Don't worry Ari is pretty sensible she just has ahem ... a few issues... all shall be revealed soon. But she really cannot help her terrible timings ;)
Haha James is going to be so fun to write :D Yeah Arielle doesn't really let go of things easily especially the bullying she went though.
Yeah, after all her moaning Ari's still a tough cookie! She really saw how tough it was for Scorpius because of his daddy's past. Respect indeed :D
Hehehe thanks I can't wait to upload more and I'm so thankful you like my writing :). I love to share my ideas, I have any more waiting to be uploaded.
Thank you for reviewing again justme !!! Report Review
Can't wait for the next chapter.Author's Response: Thanks, I'll upload it as soon as I can :)
Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
I love your story so far! :D Its entertaining and witty and I love Ari but I have to say I love Albus and Scorp even more. I love how Scorp changed the subject to her last trip to paris which did actually make him seem gay! I would love for them to be the gay best friends as that would be hilarious!
Anyway a great start to your story =D Update soon I can't wait until she see's James again!!
~BlameItOnTheNarglesAuthor's Response: Hahaha thank you so much :')
Yes I really love Albie and Scorpy too. I can imagine them being the perfect gay best friends it's a shame Scorp has a girlfriend ;)
Thank you so much for thinking it's witty XD I will update A.S.A.P. I really cannot wait to upload her meeting with James either...first I have to write it though ;)
Thank you for the lovely review Report Review
Loved it! You should have more confidence in your writing skills, it was witty and flowed really well, not to mention the actual plot is very interesting. Can't wait to see where it goes :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really hope to make this story very interesting and I do try my best to be witty :D I've written out some of chapter 2 I just need to edit it ;) I guess my confidence levels are slightly low because I'm really not sure what people will make of my writing. I'm so glad some people have liked it so far.
Thanks for reviewing :)!
Awesome story ! Update soon :)Author's Response: Thank you very much! I will try my hardest too update soon :)
Thanks for reviewing ;) Report Review
Great start!! I loved it!!
So funny, I can't wait to see how the meeting with James goes. XD
Are we going to meet any of her family soon?
I can't wait to see where you go with this, please update as soon as you can.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really happy someone on the planet finds my writing vaguely funny XD
As it happens you are going to meet Arielle's family very soon . I SAY NO MORE :D
I will update soon so stay tuned ;)
Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
I like this a lot so far :) Definitely a new plot line that I've never heard of before, and I can't wait to see how it pans out and how you characterize James's character. Update soon!!Author's Response: Haha thank you very much! I am really excited to introduce James later on and you learn a bit about him that might shock all you peeps :D I will try my best to update the next chapter soon :)
Thanks again for taking the time to review! Report Review
why did she faint?!?! whats gonna happen to her next!?!?! TELL ME!. upload plz .
10/10Author's Response: Hahaha you're going to have to wait for my next chapter to find out why she fainted and what happens next ;) Don't worry it should be uploaded soon! Thank you for the lovely review and rating :) Report Review
hahaha ^^ arielle's great! i like your style. you write well.
the plot seems interesting enough, even though i tend to avoid stories about the cliche "rich and beautiful" people. but your arielle and her sharp tongue... well, we'll see. but this looks great.
i wonder what james will be like. her agent and mum are depicted quite well, too. actually: your writing's great - enough said.
one thing though: it's 'hire' a wedding planner. not 'higher' one.Author's Response: *Cue spaz attack on the keyboard* GUHFIOHFIOHGF... Thank you so much, this is the first review I have ever received! It really means a lot to me :)
Yes i totally understand the whole beautiful and rich clichÃ© and it's utter annoyingness. Because seriously who can be that perfect? Don't worry Arielle is definitely not perfect and in the next chapter we find out about her years at Hogwarts ;)
Thanks, i love Cathy and Arielle's mum is well... quite something :D
Thanks for the correction I'll fix it as soon as possible and double check the whole chapter :)
AWMYGAWD Thank you times a million for saying these lovely things about my writing it spurs me on to post the next chapter Report Review
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