Reading Reviews for Monster
37 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Patrick What Big Teeth You Have

3rd December 2012:
Really liked your take on this story. Really good point of view

Author's Response: I'm really glad that you enjoyed it!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #27, by ChaosWednesday In Sheep's Clothing

3rd December 2012:
Hey its Whiskey from Review Tag!

I like how this is about a time when all of the characters are long out of Hogwarts and have joined the Wizarding World. Lately, my hpff reading habits have migrated towards stories that take place outside of the school, so I was happy to find this!

You included some well thought-out conflicts that I can well imagine would plague the Wizarding World long after the war. There were some good examples about the role of Muggles that created a well-rounded picture of the complex relationship between truth and safety, as well as historical guilt and diplomacy. Fenrir's case was also interesting in that regard, I only wish it was a bit more morally-reflective. Is he really that evil? I know he is in the books, but in a story that promises a balanced perspective in the beginning it was a bit unexpected to be dropped back into black-and-white-mode as soon as the hearing started. Maybe this changes in Chapter 2? I guess we will have to see.

Stylistically, there is some space for improvement in this chapter. Several sentences are awkward, like this: "The man sitting across from her sat frozen for a few moments." Also, the use of "wicked-looking" when describing Fenrir's sort of flat, you have to aggree? :P The style all together is very factual. You seem to tell more than you show. For example, you go into a lengthy description of Albus' and Hermione's relationship when it would have been easier and more exciting to show it by extending the dialogue or adding a quick memory, or just descripting their interaction. You know what I mean? I guess I would advise you to go over it again and take your time when imagining the scenes.
Hope this helps! Cheers!

Author's Response: Hi, there!

The majority of what I've written on HPFF is set in the post-Hogwarts or Next Gen era. I just don't have that much interest in trying to shoe-horn events into the time frame covered by the books unless I see a really obvious gap in the events of the stories that I can fill in. I guess I prefer to take the story forward where I can.

I do spend a bit more time focusing on Albus's doubts as to whether Greyback is really evil in the second chapter. I found it sort of difficult to portray him as morally ambivalent in this. He ended up being more sullen and withdrawn in this chapter, although slightly menacing. While Hermione certainly treats him as black-and-white, I think she's the only one.

Interesting ideas on different ways to portray some of the details of the story. I definitely struggled a bit when I was writing the non-action scenes in this chapter.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #28, by Jchrissy What Big Teeth You Have

3rd December 2012:
Monsterrr how should I feeel.

Sorry, I really canít help it :P

That banner is absolutely gorgeous. The artist captured everything about this story. Itís perfect!

Itís odd to see someone underestimate Greyback so much, but it makes absolute sense. Why would Albus ever think they are in any actual danger? Like he pointed out, the situation isnít in Greybacks favor. Even if he wanted to hurt him, how would he have the means? And that one line. The full moon wasnít for three weeks. Thatís what he still doesnít quite get. A full moon is the last thing Greyback needs. And even without the power of it, he can still injure, possibly kill them. Just ask Uncle Bill. Next Gen is so odd in the way that, no matter what kinds of stories their parents tell them, theyíll never understand what it was really like. Which is I suppose both a good thing, and a bad.

Is having a Memory Chamber a canon thing that I totally missed? If not, itís such an awesome idea and needs to be used a million times more. Itís always annoyed me on why Sirius didnít just a court the memory of him speaking with the Potters about secret keeper. We know you can tell if a memory is tampered with, and if he would have went immediately to Dumbledore there would be proof that there wasnít time for tampering...and the magical world has all these awesome things but then when they can be put to great use, like a Memory Chamber, weíre kind of flaked out on. Anyway, ĎMemory Chamber in the Minister=added to head canoní. :P.

So even if Albus doesnít realize it, when he sees something unknown stirring in Albus, heís really seeing the start of a monster slowly waking from a very convincing facade. I am so thrilled you did this from Albusís PoV, it gives such an incredible novelty to the story.

The memory of all the pain, all the bloodshed is affecting everyone greatly. But Greyback is the only one who.. for lack of better words, is hungry for it.

And thatís all Hermione needing. Those small bits of self control Greyback was forcing himself to hold onto, the necessity that he remain a rehabilitated monster breaks and he not only proves to the court how dangers he still is, but how little he cares for human life. Nice try, naughty wolf. Back to the slammer.

And just when I was staring to calm down after it all! I had completely forgotten about the package at the start (well, at least on my first read through I had) but now it all ties back in perfectly with our story! And the idea of Seamus trying to break into Azkaban and murder Greyback is so sad in the sense of what it did to him. At least he didnít succeed, because that would have been harder to keep him out of prison for. But his feelings for Lavender, the way that heís so far from being over them, bah. Youíve turned this into a very beautiful love story, mídear. I love that you showed us that, despite what heís been through and despite the fact that he isnít okay yet, he will be. He let Hermione know about the court meeting, he made sure something was done to keep the monster behind bars, instead of (like she said) hunting him down herself. The loss of Lavender broke him, but heís learning or at least trying to recover. Can you please pass me a tissue? :(.

This was such a beautiful little story Dan, thank you for telling it ♥

Author's Response: Sigh. I guess it's time to respond to this lovely review and see it disappear from my unanswered reviews page. Such sweet sorrow!

Isn't the banner amazing? I hadn't realized that Elenia had made it up to whatever level of TDA-dom that allows a person to take banner requests in the first round. I really need to figure out their traditions and customs a bit better. Let me play you the song of my people...

I just don't think that most people born after the war could appreciate the scale of the atrocities that were committed by Voldemort and his followers. I'm sure they've studied the history and they're familiar with the facts and figures, but how could they possibly understand what motivates a monster like Fenrir Greyback? They can't even conceive of the environment that allows somebody like that to flourish.

The Memory Chamber is completely my own creation. Given that the magic required to extract and view memories already exists, it seemed like a reasonably short leap. There were an awful lot of terrible mistakes that helped Voldemort to rise to power that could have been avoided it people had just made more use of the things that were already known. Maybe the wizarding world did get a bit smarter...

Yes, everyone else in the room was horrified by what they were seeing or, at worst, grimly fascinated. But for Greyback, the lure of violence and bloodshed was too much. He's yearned for something like this ever since Ron and Neville took him down during the final battle. Hermione showed him exactly what he wanted, and he fell for it.

I'm really glad you liked the ending. I picked up a wonderful bit of head canon somewhere that put Seamus and Lavender in a sort of unspoken relationship of mutually support and dependence while Snape and the Carrows were in charge of Hogwarts. I have to assume that her death hit him very hard. And he's not one to take something like that sitting down. And you're right. He is trying to get better. Someday, he'll even get there. He has to, so that he can help fight the Blood Order. ;)

I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. This had languished in my unfinished projects for quite a while. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #29, by MissMdsty What Big Teeth You Have

1st December 2012:
I was so excited to see the end of your story I read it on mobile! :D

And it didn't dissapoint. It was a smart move on Hermione's part to provoke him by showing him bits and pieces of his fall from power in 1998. It would make any man go mad, especially one that was so unstable like Greyback.

The reasons for her actions really surprised me but it makes sense if you think of it. To help an old friend in the best way she knew how, by sticking to the rules.

I loved everything about this. The originality of the plot, the details that went into the backstory and description, the way in which the characters were portraied and the quotes!

Good job! This was amazing!

Author's Response: Hi, there!

Hermione took a big risk, but she found the right buttons to push and it all worked out. A bit *too* well, actually. Appealing to his blood lust was definitely the way to go.

Along the way, I've picked up some really lovely head canon about a relationship forming between Seamus and Lavender during the year that Hogwarts was controlled by Snape and the Carrows. This seemed like a nice way to incorporate that into something interesting.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed the story. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #30, by BKL8008 What Big Teeth You Have

1st December 2012:
The use of the memory to set Greyback was great, and your take on what might have become of Seamus is even better. Something that I never considered. Well done!

Author's Response: Hi! I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks for reading and taking the time to leave such nice reviews.

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Review #31, by TheHeirOfSlytherin What Big Teeth You Have

1st December 2012:

I won't lie, part of me hoped he'd be freed because I wanted to see what would happen (it could make an epic action auror story :P), but I'm also glad he wasn't. Greyback's animal nature and that he considers lycanthropy a gift makes him extremely dangerous, I think. He deserves Azkaban; Hermione did the right thing and I'm glad she won her case.

Whoa, fight scene. That was awesome. Loved that he still didn't go down fighting. Actually, I loved the whole scene in the room in general. To see the battle from Hermione's eyes must have been quite an experience for Albus.

The end with Seamus was just so sad. I love the Seamus/Lavender romance that was, part of me hoped she was alive but I think I knew deep down. I hope Seamus does come back eventually, though I understand why he tried to kill him. Glad he told Hermione instead of trying again, though. It just made me even more sad to hear he did it for Lavender. :(

Amazing last chapter and I've loved every minute of reading this.


Author's Response: Hello, again!

Part of me was also very intrigued by the possibility of allowing Greyback to escape and turning this into a longer story. If I had to speculate, I'd say that after his escape, Harry and Seamus would have wound up joining forces to hunt him down. After a final, brutal confrontation, Harry or possibly Hermione would have barely been able to talk Seamus out of killing him. It could have been interesting, I suppose...

I'm really glad you liked the fight scene. It wound up being shorter than what I had originally planned, but it just seemed to work better this way. Greyback definitely wasn't going to give up without a fight.

I picked up some lovely head canon along the way that puts Seamus and Lavender into an odd sort of mutually supportive, not-quite-love-but-more-than-friendship relationship during the year that Hogwarts was controlled by Snape and the Carrows. I thought it was really sad that she didn't survive the final battle. Seamus has always seemed like the lone wolf type to me. And since he could easily lose himself in the slums of Belfast, it made for a very believable story.

I'm really glad you enjoyed the story! Thanks for taking the time to leave such a nice review!

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Review #32, by UnluckyStar57 In Sheep's Clothing

29th November 2012:
Hello! I'm here with the review you requested over on the forums. :)

Unfortunately... I seriously can't seem to find anything wrong with this story at all.

Well of course, that definitely isn't unfortunate; it's just that I feel sad because you probably expect some criticism, and all I can do for you is compliment!

To answer your questions, YES!!! The set-up was beautifully executed and Hermione's character is just perfect. Her reaction is well-written (naturally, because you are a fantastic writer!) and trust me, it's very believable. If you were worried about anything seeming amiss... Stop worrying. In my humble opinion, it absolutely works in the story and serves as the disrupting event that it was meant to be to start the reall action.

Now for the part where I give many more compliments. I hope you don't mind my profuse admiration, because I give it to you freely.

To a person like me, an inexperienced writer aiming to try my hand at this fanfiction scene, you are a god/goddess of the fanfiction realm. You have an intense and captivating style, and the way the story reads so perfectly is every (smart) reader's dream. To put it simply, this prose is flawless. I saw absolutely zilch in grammatical and spelling derps, which are known to happen. Diction and syntax flow, together creating a scene that is impossible NOT to picture. The plot is intriguing, and not a dull moment can be found.

My question to you is: How do you do it, CambAngst? How are you able to put words down that capture so much with what seems like no effort at all?

You obviously have a shining talent, and though I can't recall reading any other story that you've written, I know that you are consistently amazing in everything you write.

The only thing I have to suggest to you is that you write a novel and become a best-selling author. I think that would be a tremendously great thing. And I'm not even kidding. :)

I'm sorry this review was quite gushy, but I couldn't help it. I haven't gushed this much on a review in a long time, and for this story, gushing was necessary.

Im definitely going to hop over to your page and read some more of your work now. :)


Author's Response: Hi, there!

Wow. I was hoping that you'd like it, but I wasn't expecting you to like the story this much! I really appreciate all of the kind words. I definitely don't mind your admiration. Feel free to give as much as you like. ;)

I'm glad you didn't see any small derps. My beta reader and I work hard to keep one another's writing clean and tight, and it's definitely good to know that our efforts are paying off.

How do I do it? For most of my stories, I just try to think of an interesting event or series of events that isn't covered by the books or the movies and then just let my imagination play with it. I write it down, I let it sit, I re-read it and marvel at how lousy it sounds and then I start to edit. Somewhere along the way, it converges on something that's worth sending to my beta reader and then eventually I decide it isn't going to get any better so I post it. Wash, rinse, repeat. ;)

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this and all of the nice things you said. If you decide to read anything else of mine, I hope you enjoy it!

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Review #33, by BKL8008 In Sheep's Clothing

27th November 2012:
Wow, this is thrilling!

And a prime example of the law being stupid. period. "Kill All the Laywers..." Well, maybe not Hermione, but you know what I mean?!

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter. We will definitely let Hermione live, and Albus as well. They're fun lawyers to write.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #34, by TheHeirOfSlytherin In Sheep's Clothing

27th November 2012:
Hey. So, I read this this morning, as soon as I saw your status on the forums, but had to leave. So, reviewing now:

I love this idea for a story; I always imagined Greyback was sentenced and didn't die in the battle, even though it's not known for sure, and it's great to see what could happen if he were to be paroled. Greyback's a really intriguing character for me, but I love reading about werewolves and vampires and such, so that's not surprising. :P

I think you've set up the events for the next chapter brilliantly; I really can't wait to find out what Hermione does and whether or not Greyback will he paroled. You've given both Hermione's side and the Wizengamot's, so even with Hermione's story to Albus, I see it going either way. It makes me kinda worry what he'd do if he got out.

I love Hermione in this, that she still fights for others, as I (and everyone else, I'm sure) imagine her to do. I also love Al and that he's joined law and not Auror training; I can always see Al working with law enforcement in some way, but not really as an actual Auror, working with/for his dad. I can't wait to see how they work together to keep Greyback in jail. I imagine he will, after hearing that story, but one can never know until the next chapter comes.

Great first chapter.


Author's Response: The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the heir, beware!

Oh, wait, wrong topic. ;)

So I'm glad we agree on a bunch of things. I felt fairly sure that Greyback survived the battle. He seems incredibly durable. I've always felt really intrigued by the way that he embraces lycanthropy rather than feeling victimized by it. It's a gift to him, one that the rest of wizarding kind is jealous of or something.

I'm glad you liked the way I set things up. The real action takes place in the next chapter. Now that I'm looking at things, I might need to up the rating from 15+ to M. Decisions, decisions...

Hermione's dialog was so easy for me to write. Her voice seems really clear in my head. And we definitely agree on Albus's career choices. I never saw him as an Auror. He's too quiet and reserved.

The next chapter will probably go up this weekend, as long as I figure out all of my little plot issues. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #35, by Jchrissy In Sheep's Clothing

27th November 2012:
Good morning, dear!

I love the starting of this. The ruthless way Hermione argues her case about the Statue of Secrecy, even when given good solid reasons on why that must remain in place she continues to combat those with her own reasons. I never thought of what the parents of Muggle borns would think about Hogwarts after the battle, but it makes sense that they would be nothing but terrified. A school under attack from one of the most terrifying wizards, too many people (plenty of those being children) killed. It's surprising enough that the Creevey's let Colin go back after being petrified his first year, but then to lose him... it can't imagine them even considering sending Dennis back.

And what's this?? You sneaky, sneaky man. She's been practicing the argument all along! Now it makes sense why they're on a first name basis, and even more impressive that she was able to take the mock debate seriously when it was with someone as familiar as her nephew. Love it. And I love that these two would be working together, it just fits in my head for some reason.

Even though I was a but worried during Hermione's inspection of the package and kind of did just want her to call Harry, I still loved the way she kind of continued to brush Albus's suggestions off and created a safe ward for the package then, after finding it not threatening, open it. Albus made me giggle through this whole section, and it's nice to see not only how much hed cares about his aunt, but how highly he really regards his father. And I think the little details about how careful she, and I'm assuming all of the trio, is about things like packages without addresses completely made this chapter. It was a really great reminder that, even though the war is over, they're still very cognizant of the kind of enemies they've made and don't take things lightly. It was years ago that Hermione had Harry's broom confiscated by McGonagall, and it's awesome to see that she hasn't changed :P.

I feel like Hermione has many, many reasons to have very hard feelings against Greyback and the way you showed her letting her facade slip, losing her own control in the second section, was just PERFECT. She became close with Remus during the remainder of his life, and then of course was probably as good as an aunt to his orphaned son. She watched the Weasleys go through what they did with Bill. Watched Lavender be attacked, possibly murdered (assuming I haven't read the final chapter yet :P) by Greyback, and then of course was *very* close to being one of his victims. She's seen his blood thirst first hand and witnessed the fact that it his nothing to do with his disease, and everything to do with his own sick nature. This second section wouldn't have been half as strong without that anger brewing so close to Hermione's surface, and it kept me so enthralled. I wanted her to snap, I almost wanted her to beat the guy over the head and tell him that he's never seen what Greyback can do, but she has. The entire scene was just so awesome. And Greyback gave me chills. Bad Monster, bad.

Now the fact that he's possibly being released on an Act that Hermione had passed, that's just a slap in the face. Her and Albus's talk was really powerful, but that last line.. absolute perfection. I love where you decided to split it. And now I have to wait week to see what happens?! ;).

I really love this one, Dan. And between this and the Hagrid/Harry story, I feel like you may enjoy writing this legal/court type of thing? Hmmm?

Okay, work time, boo.

Author's Response: Hello, darling! Why does it always take me so long to respond to your reviews? Partly because I have to think so hard to do them justice, and also partly because I love to see them gracing my Unanswered Reviews page, I suppose. At any rate, the time has come.

We all know that Hermione pulls no punches when arguing for causes she feels passionate about, so I tried to capture some of that absolute righteous indignation when she's rehearsing with Albus for her negotiations. And I agree that for muggle families already struggling with the concept of sending their children to a magical school, it would have been well-nigh impossible to convince them after losing a child in the war. As far as Albus going into the legal profession with his aunt, he just never seemed like an Auror type to me. He's too reserved.

You weren't the only one who wanted her to call Harry. I think Albus was pretty scared, too. But he trusts her implicitly and she does take a lot of precautions. That didn't stop him from trying to talk her out of it, but naturally she doesn't let him get a word in edgewise. ;) I really have to assume that all of the Order and D.A. members who survived the war spent the rest of their lives embracing Moody's philosophy on vigilance. Something like that never leaves you.

There's a rational part of Hermione that probably felt as though Greyback deserved a chance to prove himself, but, no, she would never be willing to give him a second chance. He did such terrible things before and during the war that he's irredeemable in her eyes. And she has a good point. Greyback's crimes were not strictly a consequence of his disease. He chose quite willingly to follow Voldemort. I'm glad you liked the way I wrote him. Since it's told from Albus's point of view, I really tried not to go overboard with details because I felt like Albus would have thought it was impolite to stare.

In her zeal to improve the lot of all magical beings, Hermione probably went overboard when she drafted the Statute for the Rehabilitation and Integration of the Victims of Lycanthropy. But those were heady days, and with her war heroine status and Kingsley's support she probably had little trouble getting it passed. In her own mind, at least, she had no problems drawing the line between other werewolves and Greyback, which is why the last line came across with such conviction.

I'm thinking I'll post the next chapter over the weekend, assuming I can find a satisfactory resolution to my last couple of small plot dilemmas. And I do sort of enjoy writing courtroom drama. I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for all of your wub and support!

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Review #36, by MissMdsty In Sheep's Clothing

27th November 2012:
Hey there!

Another amazing story, as usual! :D When I sit down to read something you've written I feel like I'm about to go on a very fun trip.

I enjoyed this chapter a lot, mainly because it had to do with law and court related issues (professional habit I'm afraid).

Hermione's surrounding, her job, the Order of Veterans, her work alongside her nephew, they all come together beautifully and create a world that could very well be taken right out of the books themselves. Her attitude towards Greyback, as told through the eyes of young Albus also offered a unique perspective on the different aspects that this one character can incorporate. We have the Hermione that fights for the rights of those that are considered outcasts by the magical community yet she goes to great lenghts to ensure that one of these outcasts doesn't get the prefferential treatment she wished for others.

This is going straight to my favorites list, I can hardly wait to see what tricks she has up her sleeve in the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hi, there! I'm always up for a fun trip. And I'm glad you enjoy reading the things I write. It makes me happy. :)

For some reason, I get an odd thrill out of writing courtroom scenes. I don't know whether it's something subconscious on my part of what, because I don't work in the legal arena.

You're making me grin uncontrollably here! I love writing as close to canon as possible. I did think that Albus offered a very unique perspective for this. He's grown up with both his aunt's idealism and his father's career in law enforcement, so in a sense he's seen both sides of the coin. But he also grew up in a world that knew nothing but peace and safety, so he can't really appreciate the danger posed by someone like Greyback.

Wow. I'm so pleased that you liked it. The next chapter is mostly written and I'm doing some editing and pondering over one particularly plot point. I'll probably post it over the weekend or early next week. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #37, by adluvshp In Sheep's Clothing

27th November 2012:

Wow, this was brilliantly written. I liked how you started off. Hermione and Albus' characters are well crafted. The whole Greyback thing is nicely done too. I liked this chapter. It made a different and good read.


Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing.

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