First of all, I'm sorry I'm so late getting around to reviewing this! I did see your note but I wanted to wait to read it until I could actually give you a proper review (though this review may be more gushing than anything else...).

Gah! Let me just say that I loved this story so much! I love humour that plays off people's perceptions and interactions with other people and you did a brilliant job with this here.

Even better, your characterizations of them were believable! You didn't make up anything about them that was unusual or out of the ordinary for them- you just wrote with Snape's natural mindset.

I loved Crabbe's section (well, I loved all of the sections but we'll start with him for now). Snape's comment about how he had only escaped the fate of being the worst potions student he had ever taught by grace of Goygle was very nicely done. In particular I liked how you wrote about Crabbe's fascination with fire- it makes a nice hint about his future incident with Fiendfyre (is that how you spell it?). And the comment about his sister... Is he that insane or that dangerous?

Pansy's section was perfect as well. I think that you did a brilliant job of capturing her here, at this age. Snape's comment next to her name was a wonderful addition (his comments for all of them were). And was that a slight reference to my story that I saw when you mentioned her living with an ugly dog?

Goyle's absolute cluelessness about everything and his reliance on Malfoy (and then Crabbe) to know what to do was beautifully executed (I think that I'm running out of adjectives and adverbs to use... Oh well...). And then Draco's desire to become a hairdresser! How on earth did you come up with that? It's such a hilarious notion!

Blaise's straight-up answer to Snape's question made me laugh. He's so blunt about his future plans, even though it's so obviously wrong in the eyes of society. Yes, Minerva has it right: you truly do have to pity Severus. He's stuck with such an awful (but at the same time pitifully funny) group of teenagers.

All in all, I think that you did a fantastic job with this story. I absolutely loved it (if I haven't made that clear already) and I thank you for writing this. It's actually amazing that this hilarious story sprouted from the rather more serious story of Wilted Flower but I'm glad that it did.

Author's Response: Ugh. Apologies for taking so long to respond in turn. I took the weekend off from fan fic to orchestrate my wife's birthday party and things really piled up.

I am so glad that you liked this. That was the point, after all, and the original idea was so much fun that I felt like I really needed to do it justice. I went into this with a goal of trying to keep the characters mostly true to their book characterizations (where they exist, anyway) while placing them in a ridiculous situation. I think I was mostly successful. Some of it was over-the-top, but I think that's what makes it fun.

Crabbe... yeah, he's creepy. He was one of the ones that I had no idea what to do, really. I just started writing and suddenly the idea popped into my head and by the time I was done I was absolutely in love with it. The mishap with his sister was an accident inasmuch as I'm sure he didn't *mean* for the bewitched fire to kill her. And his family, being proper pure bloods, hushed the whole thing up.

Ah, Pansy. I just tried to make her as single-minded as possible. And, yes, the ugly little dog is my tip-of-the-hat to Astor.

Goyle was pretty easy to write. The guy has never been anything but a follower, and a pretty dumb one at that. Draco's career ambition came from a comment my dear friend Deeds made a long time ago. She said that she was always fascinated by and envious of Lucius's hair. She felt bad for him in DH because his hair looks so ragged that she thought that Voldemort took all of his product away. So it was a short leap from there, and it's totally out of character for Draco, which made it a lot of fun.

Zabini... OK, obviously this conversation never happens in reality. Not in a million years. But it was so much fun to write. I just got going and I couldn't stop myself.

Like I said, I'm so incredibly pleased that you like it. This challenge has been awesome, actually, inasmuch as it's allowed me to do some really fun things to say "thanks" to the people who supported me along the way while I was writing CoB. And thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Hello! I'm sure you recognize me from the Review Tag, but I decided to repay your favor with a review of my own. And so I found this one-shot.

Now, usually I'm not a big fan of one-shots, and I tend to avoid them whenever possible. However, seeing as this was your most recent fanfiction, I decided that you'd probably want me to review this, instead of some old, completed novel from last year.

I have to say, I'm quite happy to have made that decision. I loved the whole idea of this fanfiction, and it fits Snape's personality spot on.

I loved the beginning, where Snape laments over the day that is yet to come, I loved the middle where Snape talks to all his students, and most of all I loved the ending, with what I call the "fiction punch-line". I couldn't have thought of a better way to end this myself.

Out of all the bits presented, the one I enjoyed reading most was the one about Draco. You know, I was thinking it would be something along the lines of fashion design, but hair styling turned out even better!

Daphne's section was also very ingenious - it made me laugh that you managed to make even THAT a problem for Snape. And of course, there's the fact that I might have to start considering "shopping" a future career choice now... ;)

Out of all the parts, the one I liked least was when you introduced Blaise, probably because I could never imagine a student admitting that to their teacher, and some what getting away with it. Maybe make it a little less... amoral? :)

Well, to sum it all up, I have to say that this was a great one-shot! I really have only one complaint - why didn't you make it longer?! ;)

Author's Response: Hi, there.

I'm not usually a big fan of writing one-shots, either. But this was written for a challenge and I especially enjoyed the subject matter. Sometimes you have to just write fun things to recharge a bit in between your bigger projects.

I'm glad that you thought Snape sounded like himself. I really wanted to try to place all of the canon characters into a really humorous situation but keep them at least mostly realistic to the way they were written (if they were written) in the books.

I have to give my friend Deeds a lot of credit for my career choice for Draco. She was always fascinated with Lucius's hair, and somewhere along the way I think it just started me thinking about it.

Poor Daphne. She's just not all that bright. Yet she stumbles across a fairly workable idea through no fault of her own and still manages to blow it in the end.

Zabini's section was just a flight of fancy on my part. It was fun to write, even if it wasn't very realistic. So if you didn't enjoy it, well, I think I enjoyed it enough for both of us. :D

I'm glad that you enjoyed this, because I definitely enjoyed your story. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Bah I can’t believe I am 6th! 6th! Pah. Anyway!

I want to start with how much I love how Severus can’t even deny how much Slytherin sucks at this point. Or particularly his group of Slytherins, haha. And now! I will NEVER shake the idea of Severus running around like a maniac, screaming like a psycho and cackling like a witch over a cauldron. Not a harry potter style witch, like a wart nose witch.

Crabbe Crabbe Crabbe. That may have been one of the most humorous, while being disturbing, things I’ve ever read. His sister! His sister! That’s terrible. But he’s so dumb that you kind of just want to pat him on the head and say ‘bless your heart’ in the Southern style way that is meant as nothing but an insult while using sweet words. Except I’ll make sure that we are far away from any flames.

So I have to admit, I have absolutely scribbled my name besides Ben way before we were engaged. It’s girl thing. A creepy girl thing, but a girl thing. And you’ve taken that small trait but used it to show how absolutely mental and out of touch with reality Pansy is.

When Severus asks if this is some kind of joke we really see the extent of her obsession slash I JUST WANT TO BE MRS. DRACO MALFOY craziness. It doesn’t even cross her mind that he’s mocking what she’s doing. Just that the name isn’t quite right. I think Pansy is one of those characters that you can almost do anything with. Nothing is out of bounds with this poor girl, but this is just awesome because it really fits in her creepy stalker sense, and just strengthens the image of the girl adoringly rubbing Draco’s silvery locks as he rest in her lap. She might as well have been fanning him and feeding him grapes.

And Snape starts his session out with his own little jab that toward Goyle about Graduating about talking optimistically. But he’s so stupid that it just goes right over his head. I would kill to be in Severus position right now, haha. It would be the kind of memories that can make anyone chuckle for a lifetime. Well, not Snape, because it’s Snape.


Draco’s section. Please, can you just write something else now about Draco and Snape trying to create the perfect Potion that Lucius uses, maybe add in some sneaky things that they do to follow Lucius around to figure out it all, and I will be forever grateful. You have no idea how much this story makes me smile, and this is far from my first read through, but it’s still making me laugh. Who knew you were so awesome at humor? ;).

Daphne’s section has officially killed me. Snape’s little scribble next to her name just pushed it over the edge and made all he difference. And Daphne is not someone I want to anger after her little ending sentence!

I have no idea if there’s so kind of Blaise canon about his mother that I’m not aware of, or if everything about his mother comes from your head, but my favorite part was how well it tied in with CoB. It reminded me of the ministry scene with Hermione pretending to be her, and it was just an awesome flashback.

Seriously Dan, I am in awe about how great you pulled this story off. It could have so easily turned into something that was not enough or too much, but it’s perfect. The dry humor, the personalities that you didn’t even really have to amplify to bring out that kind of comedy, you are awesome. Now when I have bad days and tell you that you have to cheer me up, I’ll know your true talent and expect a little mini funny story ;).

As always, amazing ♥

Author's Response: OK, enough is enough. I've been staring at this all day, trying to think of a witty, clever way to respond. Or at least something that doesn't sound dumb. As it turns out, I'm drawing a complete blank. I think I used up all my wit in this story. I'll have to go write a bunch of sad, angst-ridden, post-war fiction to recharge.

I never got the impression that Severus especially loved his own house, he just hated the others much more. He's a thoroughly miserable individual, and he passes on few opportunities to share that misery with the world. Combine that with the fools that he's forced to suffer and I just can't imagine him behaving any other way.

Yeah, that's pretty much the reaction I was going for with Crabbe. It's fairly obvious where I got the idea to make him a firebug, but you know me, I couldn't just leave it at that. Creepy kids give me the willies, but they're an almost inexhaustible source of humor. He's the type of dumb bully who really doesn't stand a chance in the real world, where he isn't allowed to resolve problems with his fists. Bless his heart.

I think every young girl with a crush has engaged in that at some point or another, but I hope Pansy came across as taking it to a pretty absurd extreme. As in, this is really the only thing she came to Snape's career counseling session prepared to discuss. She has no Plan B. It's Draco or Spinster-hood. And since we all know how Draco's life ends up, you have your answer by process of elimination.

If I was going to take the idea of Draco doing hair and really run with it, I think there are two possible directions that would be even more fun. One would be the conversation he might have with his father. Lucius might just die from sheer humiliation. The other, which seems even funnier to me, is Draco bullying Crabbe and Goyle into being his test subjects. I think the potential of that idea is off the charts.

I have a lot of headcanon built up around both Blaise and Daphne, considering that they're both such minor characters in the books and movies. It's interesting that the story of Zabini's mother and her 7 husbands is told in much greater detail -- particularly the "mysterious" circumstances of their deaths -- in the HP Wiki than in the HP Lexicon. Could be a case of people's headcanon sneaking into the reference material. At any rate, both agree that she married 7 times and that her deceased husbands left her with a lot of gold, referencing chapter 7 of HBP. And I tried to keep them consistent to what is portrayed in CoB, because that just made it fun for me.

I really don't wander into humor too often, so I'm very glad that you enjoyed it. Given the number of reviews and random readings it seems to be attracting, maybe I should do it more often. Thanks so much for another awesome, encouraging review! Until next time...

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I really think your summary is brilliant. Just brilliant! But I would recommend a banner seeing lots of readers don’t even tend to look at stories without a banner.

Like the summary I found this story brilliant. I never thought I would feel bad for Severus Snape. Aww poor guy. I can imagine it would be hard on that specific day with spoiled pureblood children. What I noticed was that you skipped two students: Theodore Nott and Milicent Bulstrode (SP?).

It was kinda scary that Crabbe had a sister who he apparently killed and Snape didn’t hear of. Makes you wonder what happens in those pureblood families. I really could imagine Pansy saying that. I think her goal/career is going to be marrying a rich man who can take care of her so I liked the fact you had a similar idea. I liked Draco’s idea and the fact he thought it was mental. After all everyone wants something or does something other people could find plain weird. Whaha poor Snape. He had a student who had a career in mind and he ruined it. Though I always had the idea Daphne was more ambitious and smarter but for this story it works.

I really liked this!

Author's Response: Hi, there!

I already have one banner request in at TDA for a different story, but I'm planning on requesting for this one when that's complete. I don't completely agree with the notion that people ignore stories without banners, though. I only added banners to my main story very recently and I didn't notice any difference in the rate at which people read it.

I'm not sure I want you to feel badly for Snape, but I'm not upset if you do. He's not generally a sympathetic character, but you have to feel for him a bit in this situation. The students in his house don't have much of an idea what it means to work for a living.

I didn't include Nott, Millicent or Tracey Davis because honestly I couldn't think of anything funny to write about them. They're non-entities in the books for the most part. So is Daphne, actually, but since her sister marries Draco I do have a bit of headcanon built up around her.

I'm glad you liked the way I characterized the different students.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Hello! :D Finally made it this way!

I had to come read this one first because I know that you can write the character of Draco very well. And I'm in a Snape sort of mood so I figured this will be the first story I R/R today. :)

Within the first paragraph, you were able to capture Snape from the book. His moodiness, his hatred of anything that may bring people happiness...I literally went 'eww' about the part of mildew and his socks. :S

You know, Crabbe being a Pyromaniac doesn't surprise me one bit. It would explain why all of the sudden he wanted to play with Fiendfyre. He's not a smart human being so its not like he would know about it unless he really had an interest. I find it rather chilling that he had a sister that he apparently killed and not even Snape knew about her. Most likely a younger sister. Either way, I'm starting to wonder what sort of life he had a home...the questions I have now about the parents and what they might've thought...Ugh, if you end up giving me a plot bunny I'm not going to be happy, sir! :O

You seriously have me laughing with the descriptions Snape gave each student. My favorite had to be Pansy's and Daphne's. Another thing I liked was how this young Daphne sounds like the older Daphne we saw in CoB. You're keeping to your own personal canon if you know what I mean.

Basing all of your future hopes and dreams on the fleeting affections of another person can be a tragic and costly mistake.--That has got to be the best advice anyone can give. And its true, honestly. But try making a teenager girl understand that. Haha

And Draco as a hair stylist...that would be interesting. Haha!

"So, Mr. Zabini, in what discipline would you say that your interests lie?


"B-" (not sure if I can have that word in a review...)

Anyway, I laughed. I laughed so hard! I was definitely NOT expecting that one at all! Actually, the whole Zabini conversation had me laughing.

The end with Minerva was seriously the cherry on top with this fic. I could already picture Snape giving Minerva a cold look while Dumbledore tries his best to hide a smile. You seriously have a talent for humor. This was definitely a great read!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hi, Rosie!

If you're in a Snape sort of mood, well, you've come to the right place! This story has more Snape than you can shake a stick at. Angry Snape. Snarky Snape. Disgusted Snape. Intrigued Snape. This story has it all!

Ah, Crabbe. Zabini's section was the most fun to write, but I think that Crabbe's might have turned out just a bit better. The idea of making him a firebug has a very obvious inspiration, and once I got started I just couldn't stop. I didn't really think about whether his sister was older or younger, dead or merely injured to the point of disability, it just seemed like an incredibly dark detail to layer onto the big oaf. Anyway, I'm glad you liked him, and I think his home life was probably kind of white-bread suburbia except for the sister they don't discuss. :-P

Daphne didn't change much between the two stories, did she? I cannot shed the idea of her being this vapid, shallow, stupid girl who thinks that she's much smarter than she really is.

Snape's little piece of advice to Pansy was my one moment of sliding into something serious and a bit grim. But I think it adds. Severus is, after all, not a happy man.

Yeah, you definitely cannot put that word in a review, so I'm glad you stopped yourself. Like I said, Zabini's section was far and away the most fun to write. I was giggling like a schoolgirl to myself.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I'm starting to think maybe I should write humor more often. People seem to like me better when I'm funny.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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I dropped by this story on the recommendation of Toujours Padfoot, presumably on either the premise that I adore Snape (which is true), or that I would find it amusing (which is also true). I must tell you that I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story, too!

You have a near-impeccable writing style, something that is fantastic to see; it makes reading a story that much easier, and the whole piece flows very nicely. I love the subject you chose, too. We see Harry's being advised by McGonagall in canon, but I've never even given thought to other scenarios of the same, especially from other Houses. And you managed to inject such humor in this, too -- it's fantastic!

I found myself looking forward to the end of every section, just to see what Snape was going to write next to the student's name. I think my favorite student you portrayed was Goyle, and now I'm laughing in the middle of government lecture just remembering it. He and Crabbe really can't think for themselves, can they? And Snape writing my bad next to Daphne's name was absolutely hysterical. You really, really have a gift for humor writing!

Thanks so much for writing this story -- I really, really enjoyed reading it, and I think it's great that you're writing so many stories for other people! Absolutely fantastic job. And I feel that you should know that I've been meaning to read Harry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood for quite some time now -- I have a long list of fan fictions to eventually approach, but it's definitely on that list. And now, after reading this, I'm very, very excited to get to it, just because now it's been confirmed that you are an immensely talented author.

Congratulations on your Dobby Award, and once again -- great job here! :) Cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this story!

Author's Response: Hi, there!

I'll have to thank Sarah for that!

I try really hard to keep my writing tidy and error-free, so I'm really glad that you found it an easy read. Nothing ruins a great idea faster than sloppy writing, in my opinion.

This is my first journey into humorous writing on HPFF, so I'm pleased as can be that you thought it turned out well. It was a mountain of fun to write. The Slytherin characters have all seemed so ridiculous at various points in the books and movies, and I enjoyed starting from that point and then turning it up several notches.

Thank you so much for reading this story and reviewing it! And I really appreciate the congrats on the Dobby. It was an unexpected, happy moment. I hope you can make the time to read CoB. I'd love to know what you think!

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Haha great story. I expected it to be serious, but was pleasantly surprised. Fab work!

Author's Response: I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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I saw this in the recently added and it immediately caught my interest, so I thought I would go ahead and read and review it now.

Oh my god. I can't. There are seriously tears in my eyes. I'm not sure how I'm going to construct a 12+ review, but I will try.

Severus's discussions with his pupils got increasingly funnier with each student, and by the time we got to Zabini and his marvelous aspirations in life, I was pretty much on the floor. -wipes eyes- Seriously, you are a comic genius!

"Normally I don't go for the high-milage birds, but I could make a few exceptions. You know what they say, if the broom's been around the pitch a few times, at least you know it flies."

DEAD. I JUST DIED.

And Draco being interested in styling hair...I am now envisioning him several years after the battle, with one of those hippy faux-hawks and a sequined lavender track suit, braiding diamonds into people's hair. Severus's ulterior motives there were hilarious, trying to solve his own greasy hair dilemma.

This snippet right here delighted me beyond what is reasonable:

Here he stood on the cusp of an opportunity to take the pain of Lucius Malfoy's personal hell to a whole other level and the moment was slipping away.

I laughed out loud so many times! I really love Lucius, I think because I have a tendency to love anything that's absurd, and enjoyed some mad cackling at Lucius's expense, with his masculinity or lack thereof~

What I enjoyed the most were the snide little notes Severus jotted down next to their names. Snake food, mental, human parasite. It outlined Severus's awesome dry humor. You did an excellent job emphasizing all of my favorite canon traits of his, with his sardonic attitude and the statements he designs so effortlessly in his head that completely disarm people. It was JKR's Severus Snape, but even better because it was just Snape vs. Really Dumb Slytherins. (Although the allusions to pinning your hopes on a fleeting romance being dangerous was a sobering moment for me, because of the Lily undertones).

I really, really enjoyed this! Well done. Roots in Water's very lucky to receive such a wonderful gift.

Thank you for participating in my challenge!

Author's Response: Gahhh! Can this be a review from the illustrious Sarah? The Dobby award-winning Sarah? Pardon me for a moment while I go squeee...

OK, I'm back! I'm really glad you enjoyed the humor and snark. This was a mountain of fun to write and even though it was born of a very small statement made by Roots in Wilted Flower, the idea never really left me. The potential seemed so endless, and it was great sport to just dive in and see what I could come up with.

Zabini was actually the first section that I wrote, and probably still my favorite. He's marvelously arrogant and shameless and the idea of his mother as this black widow who preys on lonely, old, rich wizards is one that I latched onto somewhere along the way and just never let go of.

The idea of Draco as a hair stylist came from a movie, but I swear I can't remember which one. All that stuck in my head was the image of some typically macho, violent, male character who suddenly has a change of lifestyle. At any rate, it was Snape's reaction that really sold me on the idea. The fact that he could see it as both a way to further torment Lucius and a solution to his own hair issues.

I do hope Roots will like it, but s/he seems to have been really busy of late, so I'm not sure when s/he'll get around to reading it. Soon, I hope.

Thanks so much for this review. It really made me feel like I accomplished what I set out to.

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