I really enjoy the fact that you start your story off with a letter. It's interesting and intrigues the readers interest from the start. It's nice to see.
I could feel Hermione's emotions coming through and simply felt horrible for her. I really hope we find out what happens to Ron. I also like how Ginny plays into the whole match maker mode. Ginny just has that personality and you make it come through in your story.
I can't wait to see what comes next! =)Author's Response: Thanks very much, I'm glad my plan worked. I was a bit worried starting with a letter as sometimes it can break a story even before it starts.
I definitely agree, Ginny definitely has the personality for it. I like that you can feel that too. Ginny is never my best character. Report Review
Hello there! Me again.
Characterization: Draco! :D Yayyy! I'm so excited. I wonder what's going on with Narcissa...I'm interested. And I feel so bad for Draco and the rough time he's obviously having. I was surprised he wasn't meaner to Hermione, but I guess his mind was somewhere else. And I was also surprised that Hermione still hates him so much, even though I think a part of her feels sorry for him. I wonder how they'll end up together with such different views...
Descriptions: I actually didn't think they were too lacking here. I think there was a lot going on, so the lack of descriptions didn't kill the chapter. And Hermione's nervousness really came through. That's good.
Plot: I'm so glad that Draco's shown up! And the plot is turning interesting, now that we see the tension between Hermione and Draco. Hmmm...
Interactions: So tense! I'm surprised that their opinions of each other are sort of flopped. I mentioned this above, but it really is interesting. I'm surprised that Hermione seems to be the volatile one and Draco seems more reserved. We'll see how that goes...
Things are moving along nicely. I'm interested to see where you take this. Feel free to request more reviews when you post again! Good job, keep up the good work.
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hey again!
I'm hoping that when you all find out what happens to Narcissa you will take to Draco like white on rice. It's a bit of a sad story but I can't seem to get away from that in this piece. Haha. Maybe later on down the line it will be nice and fluffy. And you are right, his mind is definitely some where else, I'm not so sure he even realized who he was talking to. It will all be sorted out soon though. (:
I'm glad that it didn't kill the chapter. As I said in the previous review response, I'm never really good at finding balance. So I will be definitely working on that. I wasn't sure if I wanted it to come out strong 'Holy crow, she still hates him' or just a vague passing of 'Oh, I don't think she really wants to be there with him.' haha. I hope I kind of stayed in the middle of them.
I love stories with tension. Makes for a more interesting tale.
I agree. It's a nice change for Hermione to be the one hating. The only reason she hadn't gone off on him, or simply ran away, was because she is the ward head and that would be unprofessional. She really did want to though. Draco wont be that reserved for much longer. XD
Thanks again for coming by. I'll definitely be coming by to request more from you.
- Brittanique Report Review
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you! :D So, let's go over things:
Characterization: I feel so bad for Hermione... :/ I can really feel her emotions here and I feel terrible for her. She's got very solid characterization. Very believeable. I can tell that she's going through something difficult and it makes sense in the way you've written it. And Ginny's playing the good but firm friend. I like that too. I think it shows a really deep caring that she has for Hermione which is sweet.
Descriptions: As I mentioned above, Hermione's emotions are very well-described. I'm not getting too much about physical descriptions. You had some great opportunities with the flashback, but there weren't as many descriptions as I would have expected...so maybe work on that? :]
Plot: I love how this story is going. I really want to know why Hermione is blaming herself for Ron's death and I want to see how the letter thing will work in. I think you've captured readers' attention and that's good.
Interactions: I loved the flashback interaction between Hermione and Ron. It was really sweet and it made me sad that he can't be there for her anymore. And Hermione and Ginny's friendship is very well-written. I understand Ginny's concern for Hermione. It's very believable.
Style: I loved the style of this chapter, especially the sort of...floaty-ness? of the flashback. Good job!
Flow: the plot isn't moving too quickly and I like that. I want to see where it all goes, but I don't want it to be rushed. I think you're doing well here.
Again, this chapter was quite good. I'll read the next one ASAP. Keep up the good work!
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hey, thanks for coming by! I appreciate it.
I'm thrilled that you still like Ginny and Hermione. I'm usually terrible with female characters and even more so with grief so I'm thankful that all of it is believable.
I will definitely work on my physical descriptions. Sometimes I get so caught up in the characters feelings I forget sometimes, but I will definitely work on it. Thanks for pointing it out.
We will definitely be learning about Ron's demise within the next few chapters, I'm thinking chapter four or five, just so I don't milk it longer than I should. I like to take things slowly, but I don't want to bore everyone..
I wanted to show that Ron and Hermione were great together because of all the fics that pop up with him being abusive. It makes me sad, but I really love all their interactions from what I've written already. They needed to be great together for this story to work properly, which is why it saddened me to kill him. I'm also glad that you like her and Ginny together as well. Ginny is never my strongest of characters so that makes me happy.
There will definitely be more floaty flashbacks.. I hope anyways? I find them a nice contrast to the gloom-and-doom of Hermione right now. Something that the fic needs so that it isn't all downers, you know?
I'm glad you think the pace isn't too slow. I'm always worried that I drag things out but I suppose not.
Thanks for coming by again. Can't wait for your next review.
- Brittanique Report Review
I hope this is going where I think it is going to. Already I can tell you that I love your Draco. I like to see him when he is a little bit down, and I think as your story keeps going you will reveal why.
I love stories when they answer a few questions, but they leave a lot of different things to be seen. I think you did wonderful on this, and I'm happy to say that this is a story I plan to keep up on.
I think these were a great three chapters, and I loved it!Author's Response: I'm glad you like my Draco. I'm big Draco lover so I probably work on him the most in all of my stories. Thanks! Report Review
The emotions in this chapter are so spot on! I think that they are very well thought out. They work well, and they also feel real. I felt like I was actually feeling the emotions, and it was very nice to have that feeling.
They don't feel fake, or phony. They were true to live and true to feelings.
I think the flashback you did wonderful with! Sometimes they are too much alike, but this time, they are so different. You can tell that it's a flashback, and it's different from the story! So much of a great job :)
The only thing that I can find is that it's the Eiffel Tower.
Great, great job! I'm hookedAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
This was great, can't wait till next chapter :)Author's Response: Thanks! I'm writing it right now. It should be in the queue either today or tomorrow! Report Review
I must tell you from the start, I'm not too big of a fan of Dramione. but, I felt very drawn to this from the start of this chapter, and I really enjoyed reading this. The way you wrote the emotion of how Hermione was feeling about the death of Ron was truly beautiful.
I'm glad you had Ginny sign her up for the dating service; I don't think I could ever see Hermione signing herself up for it after loosing Ron. Little James and Albus were adorable! This is a very intriguing start, great work!Author's Response: Thanks a bunch. I was a little worried about making her a bit too OOC with his death but I think it works better than I had originally thought it would.
Haha, yeah. I can definitely see Ginny doing that, she is just that kind of girl and she doesn't want her friend to suffer any more. I love my James and Albus. They will be in some more chapters up ahead because they are a bit of a happy place for Hermione in the beginning.
Thanks for coming by. Report Review
I have always wondered how Hermione would react if Ron had died, either in the war or otherwise. I think she would react like you have her.
I think this is a good first chapter to the story. I think that a lot of things can happen from this. You did a great way of grabbing my attention in the first chapter, and also leaving enough to keep going and get more of a story in!
Great start to your story, and so far I love your charactersAuthor's Response: Thanks very much. I'm glad I got her grief proper. I was a little worried that I would make her too OOC.
I'm happy that I was able to grab your attention. XD
Thanks again. Report Review
interesting premise -different-well written -mature- be interesting to see where this goes.never give 10/10 as nothing is ever that good it cant be improved but this has caught my interest.and will follow itAuthor's Response: Thanks very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I hope I don't let you down. Report Review
This sounds like a great beginning! I must admit I am usually weary when beginning a Dramione but the novelty of your idea actually makes me want to read more and see what will happen and how things will evolve.
You have successfully managed to integrate your idea into the HP world without making it look out of place or forced. I mean, why shouldn't wizards have Matching systems?
Ginny and Hermione seem pretty much in character from what I've read. What I am still uncertain is why so many use 'Mione' as Hermione's nickname. But that is a matter of preference I guess. I really have nothing personal against it!
Overall I am quite enthusiastic to read more and discover what Hermione did so bad (or thinks she did) so as to cause Ron's death. Glad you have another chapter up :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! I'm really glad that you like it. I was a little weary trying to incorporate it, but I'm glad you think I did a successful job of it. XD
I'm not sure why I use 'Mione, it just seems like the go-to nickname for her. I don't really see anything else being a viable nickname either so I always go there. Haha.
Thanks for reading, and I'm glad I've hooked you.
Brittanique. Report Review
Good to see you updated! This was a nice chapter. I liked the flashback you gave :) Hermione's characterization is good.
I would suggest to Remove the "bold" from the dialogues though, it's very distracting, and kind of unnecessary.
Rest, the story is good. Keep writing!
ADAuthor's Response: Hey thanks for coming back to read! I'm really glad you like Hermione.
And I have removed the bold, it just needs to go through and update. I wasn't aware that it copied over. I bold my conversations in word so that I can find them easier.
Thanks! Chapter three is in the queue. Report Review
Hi! brithewriter from the forums!
Well I'm glad that you are continuing the story, as I think its a really good idea for one. This chapter was very good at details and building on the characters. Also, the flash back is helpful with insight to what Hermione's life was like before. Can't wait to find out what happened, and will happen! Good chapter.Author's Response: Hey, thanks for coming by. I'm glad you enjoyed it. There is definitely going to be some more insight into what happened with Ron so keep reading if you'd like to find out. (: Report Review
Oh! I do like this idea of a magical dating service. Very interesting and different. Can't wait to see where this goes. :DAuthor's Response: Thanks a bunch. Hope you keep reading. Report Review
I absolutely loved it! I have just one question...why are there bolded sentences? :) Thank you for a wonderful unique and great story!!! I can't wait to read more Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I actually bold my dialogue in word so I can find conversations easier.
I wasn't aware that they had transferred over to here though, thanks! I'll take care of that ASAP. Hope you keep reading.
- Brittanique. Report Review
You should continue with this; it's a really great idea! I'm intrigued to see where you'll take it :)
Now, I really need to learn to check the last updated date before I read a story...Author's Response: Thanks a bunch.
Chapter two is in the queue, sorry for the delay.
Hope you continue reading. Report Review
hi there. this seems like some good story. i would love to read more. do update the next chapter soon!
ADAuthor's Response: Thanks a bunch! I apologize for taking so long to respond, but life got in the way..
I will be updating fairly soon! Report Review
Hey there! It's DarkRose. :]
All right, first we'll point out a few mistakes (in this wonderful first chapter), and then get to reviewing, all right? These are in order, so if you read through, you'll see them.
1. You've written "thank-you for returning in your" when it should be "thank you for turning in your." Mmkay? :]
2. "no matter where you are, this so that your letters" should be "this is so that"
3. "Your safety is our responsibility." This isn't actually an error, I just don't know if a company would take this much responsiblity for their clients' actions. They wouldn't want that sort of liability, you know?
4. "And truth be told had started to scare her." should be, "And truth be told, that had started to scare her."
Okayyy! So, those are just a few mistakes, obviously. Back to the reviewing, now:
Great opening chapter! I'm really interested in what happens after this. You definitely seem to have a good idea for a story. And I'm quite worried that Ginny may have messed something up in Hermione's profile...I really hope not. I also wonder what happened to Ron! So sad...
I'm excited that this is a Dramione. Definitely let me know if you write more. :D
So, spelling and grammar were fine except the mistakes above. Continuity was perfect. And I LOVED your characterization. Especially Ginny as a mother. :] So sweet.
Terrific job! Keep up the good work!
--Emily (DarkRose, Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thanks Emily! Now let me say, I swear I do proof-read it! Hahaha, maybe I should get a beta.. Anyways, that's not the point. Thanks for pointing those out! I will take care of them right away.
And as for the whole responsibility thing... I'm thinking it's for show. I'm not too sure right now, but that's what I'm thinking for the future. That could definitely cause some problems and I think it could be fun.
I don't think Ginny messed it up. She probably sat for hours pouring everything into it so you can bet that nothing will be messed up. Hermione has been through enough as it is, you know? ):
We are going to find out what happened to Ron in the next chapter, and yes it is sad. If you come to read it, bring a box of tissues.
Thanks, I'm glad you like Ginny. I'm always afraid of writing her. She's not my favourite character by far, so I'm always worried people wont like my her.
- Brittanique Report Review
Hey, I came to your story after seeing the captivating description, and I read it.
It seems to be fairly good. I don't know enough to say much but so far I quite enjoyed it. I do hope you continue it, and I am going to favourite it so I can follow it if you do decide to continue.
It was a very unique idea and I guess that's what pulled me in. I do hope you continue.
-Charlotte.Author's Response: Hey Charlotte! Thanks for the favourite. You can count on me continuing it for sure. I'm glad it pulled you in, that was what I was hoping for. (: I will be putting the next chapter in the queue fairly soon.
- Brittanique Report Review
ok good start. i like the premise. this was short and such a teaser im already hooked. please continue i would love to see where this story goes. and try and make them a bit longer.Author's Response: Thanks! Don't you worry. I plan on making the future chapters longer. I wanted this to draw readers in with something short and sweet.
- Brittanique Report Review
This is a really original idea, and I'd like to see where you go with it! I don't think I've seen a story where Ron dies in such a way before, and definitely not one where someone makes Hermione use a matching service ;) Really creative.
Also, I love that you show how well Ginny knows Hermione, and the cute part with James and Albus is perfect. Nice writing. :)Author's Response: Thanks! I thought it was pretty unique, so I decided to go with it. I thought the cute part with the boys was needed. Who doesn't need hugs from adorable Potter kids every once in a while. Hope you keep reading!
- Brittanique Report Review
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