Lol you got Narnia in there, Mr. Tumnus. This is going to be a great story once it gets going.Author's Response: I know; I absolutely adore Narnia, and I'm pretty sure I was watching it while I was working on that chapter, or at least recently prior to writing it. Plus, it totally sounds like a cat name, right? Next cat I own, it's name is going to be Mr. Tumnus, for sure. Report Review
you updated so quickly i couldn't even believe it was true! great chapter, and loved the ending! you really have a knack for writing stuff that's emotional but also funny :)
can't wait to see the next chapter!Author's Response: Like I said, wasn't going to update this as soon as I did. But, I was super excited about it. I'm glad it surprised you, then. Hopefully, I'll be able to add the next chapter soon.
It's funny, because honestly, I don't think I'm really all that funny, but I feel like this is exactly what would be going through my head if I was stuck in a situation like this. Report Review
Sarah has a boyfriend; she can't date James...??? Otherwise, good job. There are some spelling/grammatical errors ("latter" where it should be "later" happened a lot). Not bad.
Cat :)Author's Response: yes Sarah has a boyfriend; James knew that, but being the git that he is, decided that it would be fun to get her to make the bet where if she looses, he would have to take her out on a date, because, well, he's a git - it's what he does. Plus, he didn't think she'd actually go for it, honestly... So, it's not really a date, date, per say... Report Review
I love it! Please update ASAP! :)Author's Response: I'm glad you love it. I'll be trying to post the next chapter by the end of this week (I'm sorry it's taken so long). Report Review
Just started reading this today and it is amazing!!
I absolutely love it!!
Please update soon
10/10Author's Response: I'm really glad you like this story; I should have an update by the end of this week, at the latest (or, at least, that's when I'll try to post it). So yeah, there shouldn't be much more wait, I promise. Report Review
OMG! this is so good! UPDATE SOON PLEASE!!!Author's Response: I'm glad you like it! Report Review
Yup. Still really like. Still interested in beta'ing. :)
A few typos I'd like to point out here are:
You said, 'Don' instead of 'Dom.'
“well, I think I'll be off.” “Bye Mum,” should say, "Well, I think I'll be off. Bye, Mum."
It's just little things that a quick read through won't fix. :)
Once again, this was great, and I'll get in touch with you through the forums to talk about beta'ing, yes? :)
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums) Report Review
Ohh, I love it!
There were a few typos here and there, such as:
In the beginning you wrote 'to' instead of 'too.'
You wrote, 'this year is going to be so excited!' when it should have said exciting.
I actually saw you're beta wanted post, so I came here to read what you had written up so far.
I like it! I think Sarah (is that her name?) is a lot like me, and Dom and Minnie are like a couple of my friends (minus Dom's fighting. None of my girl friends are really into that kind of thing. :P )
I'm definitely open to beta'ing for you, that would be great.
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums) Report Review
Your story is great ;)
But the way you describe Sarah's friends makes me wonder why they're in Hufflepuff. If they love adventure wouldn't they be in Gryffindor? And if they're really smart wouldn't they be in Ravenclaw? I'm not saying that you can't be smart or brave or w/e if you're in Hufflepuff it just seems like Hufflepuff's aren't really the type to cause trouble...Author's Response: I feel like that's exactly what the stereotypical Hufflepuff is; a quiet, meek person who doesn't like to get into trouble. And that kind of irritates me, because I feel like there is so much more to the Hufflepuff house in general, deep down.
For Dom, I put her in Hufflepuff because she seems to be a lot more open-minded then the rest of her family (especially, those in Gryffindor). I mean, she loves her family to pieces, and would do anything for them, but she's also the kind of girl who won't hesitate to call them out if they're doing something mean, or stupid (like when James picks on Sarah). I also feel like she's less judgmental then the rest of her cousins would be. While she's very dedicated to her friends, like a Gryffindor would be, and she won't hesitate to hurt someone when need be, she doesn't always have that mentality of 'punch first, talk latter.' She understand the emotions that people have more then a Gryffindor would, I think ... if any of this makes sense...
For Avril, I put her in Hufflepuff for kind of the same reason; sure, she seems adventurous, and likes to pull pranks, but she a lot more then that. She's also a free-spirited kind of girl, who kind of just goes with the flow. She's not shy, quiet, and meek, but she isn't necessarily brave, or the first one to stand up for something. She likes to live in the moment, kind of deal, and what not.
For Minnie, I put her in Hufflepuff because of her different views on ... well, pretty much everything. She's not a very conventional witch, and purposely looks at things differently then everyone else, just to make people think.
Of course, for Sarah, I did kind of make her a stereotypical Hufflepuff, at least during the beginning of the story, but that was done on purpose. I can promise you, by the end of the story that will have changed. Report Review
This was really good :) I like that you're doing a story with James and a Hufflepuff, it's original. On to the next chapter...Author's Response: I'm glad you like the story!
Yes, I don't think I've yet to see a story with James ending up with a Hufflepuff, so I decided to go a different way with that. I hope it continues to be a good idea, as the story progresses. Report Review
This is really cute! I like your premise and I'm excited to see where it goes. But I think your characters are my favorite part...they're all so different, and I think you do a good job of portraying them. Their dialogue really rings true--great job on that!
I admire the fact that you can write a good chapter without it being super-long...I struggle a lot with that! It's pretty fast-paced, but I think that's probably a good thing :)
I really enjoyed reading your story! I'll be sure and follow it :)Author's Response: I'm glad you like my characters; I have a hard time with them, either making them all the same, or extremely depressing characters. So, I'm glad I didn't do that this time!
I'm glad you also like the length of my chapters; I always worry about that, because I don't know if what I want to really say is getting across. But, seems that that really isn't an issue right now.
Thanks for the review!
So, I still like the story and the characters, but I have my pet peeves so I'm going to complain first - not really complaining, just mentioning certain things.
Ari and Avril are both Americans at Hogwarts? Or Ari is Australian, I didn't quite get that. But still. Why?
Why exactly - really exactly - does Sarah hate James? Did something happen?
Also, I don't know where you want to go with this story yet, but the first chap was introductory and in the second chap not much really happened, you were still introducing characters, so might be a good idea to merge the chapters..?
But, I'm getting ahead on things.
Might seem like I'm complaining, but really, I'm not. I love this story and I love Sarah. Can't wait for the next update.Author's Response: Well, this chapter is more of a filler, then anything else; just wanted to introduce the last two Hufflepuffs.
Ari is from America, but she moved to London before she started school (I haven't decided why quite yet), but she has family in Australia (yeah, she's quite multi-cultural). I might add more into this story about that, or into another story that I might write once I get this one up and going. And Avril is from London, though that part should be fixed by now.
And I actually plan on writing a prequel to this story as well, or at least, I might write a flashback chapter soon. The thing is I haven't quite decided what exactly happened between Sarah & James yet. But, I know it's something horrific (at least, in Sarah's mind). Actually, now that I think about it, I'm just going to do a little editing, and add a small bit of that into chapter 3.
These are not complaints, it's constructive criticism, which is something that every writer needs to get better, and I really do appreciate these comments. It means a lot to me, that not only do you take the time to read my stories, and review, but to point out things that you've really noticed are not quite right, no matter how small they seem to be. Thank you! Report Review
Oh, a Hufflepuff story! Brilliant. I'm a Slytherin by heart but I think the archives house way too few stories starring Hufflepuffs. They're the Forgotten House. The Underrated Students. But now you're here with a leading character from Hufflepuff who is a girl all can relate to and seems really normal. Not extremely sarcastic and witty, or incredibly beautiful and athletically built. Simply the girl next door. I love her!
Also, I love the fact that you write in first person, but don't fall into rambling. You see that with most stories written in first person. Authors try to be witty and funny, resulting in unnecessary rambling which is okay in fanfiction, but still .. unnecessary. You don't have that - I do, I'm rambling right now - and this makes me really love your writing style.
Just one question. Dominique is in Hufflepuff? I just have this idea that she's .. well. I don't know. I just never read a story before where she's in Hufflepuff. We'll see how that's going to work out. Either way, it's creative and original ;)
forum name: xdaanana
house: slytherin]Author's Response: I agree; there aren't many stories out there a with main characters in Hufflepuff. Although it's not my favorite house, I do feel certain that if I were to be sorted, I would be in Hufflepuff, so I just felt like that would be best.
I'm glad you really like Sarah; she's been a working character in my head for a good eight years (since the fifth book came out), and I've been trying my hardest not to make her a mary-sue.
I'm super glad that you like my writing style, as well; I find it extremely difficult to write in first person, because I do tend to ramble on way to much, but I felt like this story needed to be written in that way, and so I'm glad my rambling hasn't gotten on to paper to much.
Yes, Dominique is in Hufflepuff. I guess there isn't much more I can say about that, except for the fact that the reason she's in that house is because she's not as 'one-sided' as most Gryffindors, if that makes sense? Like, she's not so closed minded as I see James, and the other Gryffindors are, I guess... Please, tell me if that doesn't make any sense.
Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing the story, and I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
Hey, your chapter was great I loved it. I envy your writing ability as I have just pested my story fo the first time and its rubbish but yours is anamzing so far:)Author's Response: Aw, thanks; this means a lot to me. :D
And don't put yourself down. I read your story, and it seems to have a lot of potential. Report Review
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