Hey! I'm back! It's been a while so all your details of your story have left me...so if I repeat any comments or questions...don't mind me :S
You have some wording issues. For example when Luscious say something about his new broom Sirius narrates that "Cissy answered my giggling and clutching his arm." I think you mean 'by'. That's all I spotted thought. Pure blood families are hard to track. Specially the Blacks, Malfoys and Potters. Was Dora really Walburga's aunt? I feel like doing some sort of family tree here! Hahaha!
Here's the thing with Remus that I think you're missing. He's suppose to be a werewolf yet he's not acting like one. I guess what I'm trying to say (after reading so many werewolf books) I'm now expecting a whole side of Remus that we've never encountered and that he managed to control with time. His anger and resentment vs. his own wolf's anger. Sort of like a split personalty. Perhaps Remus has better hearing, better agility (despite looking sickly) and strength thanks to his wolf side. I would LOVE for us to see that. He's still a child and a pup so to speak. If you could develop that, your Remus will develop a great deal. I'm saying it because your Remus sounds a lot like the adult one we all know and love. There has to be a time that his wolf's anger and range may surface and with time he has learned to tame.
I absolutely love how you had them find one of the many secret passageways. :D
The whole James/Lily conversation was great. In fact, I like the whole realization that not everyone grew up like him. It's something that hits some people in real life. I hear stories of how my friends parents used to treat them and that felt so foreign to me. My own future mother-in-law is a bit detached of her own grandkids while my grandmother used to be around us all the time she could and spoil us. So yeah, kudos on James' train of thoughts.
Overall, this is a cute story. The only thing I really recommend is you adding even more detail. Just a bit, really. Not something drawn on and on and on.
Anyway, on with the next chapter! :DAuthor's Response: I'm so sorry for this extremely late reply! I've just finished my last exam which means I finally have time to respond to your helpful review and start writing the next chapters! :)
Oh! Thanks! I'll edit that in the next chapter update! :) There's a debate about it - according to the Black family tree, Dorea Black marries a 'Charlus Potter'. They have one son who is born in the same year as James and are all pure-bloods. It seems too coincidentle to me, and James is never mentioned of having cousins etc - but there is an argument against it! :P Look into it! xD
I completely understand what you're saying with remus - this side is actually in my plan to start appearing! In my head, the 'wolf' gets fiercer and more problematic as Remus starts getting older and changing himself (puberty) - so this side is coming! :D
Thanks so much for the lovely review - I'll respond quicker in the future! :)
Keira :) Report Review
Hello there. Sorry again for being late, I have been sick.
Anyway, I love how you change point of view a few times in this chapter (like the last one). It gives me, as a reader, the opportunity to see every character and understand them better. It provides a great characterization and depth to your characters.
I absolutely LOVED the part from Sirus' POV. His and James' comments to the male prefect were simply hilarious, and so much in-character to what we know about them from that time. I love how they are persistent, and keep annoy the prefect from the very first day. And it interesting that the prefect was Crouch. I loved it.
As for Remus' part. I love how you characterize him. You see him act a certain way with his friends, but from his thoughts you see that he doesn't necessarily mean everything he says and does. He is a complicated character, that just wants to fit in, and you portray that amazingly. You can see that he's trying so hard to fit in, and that he is kind of nervous about his past and his secret. I also loved that Peter, Remus and Sirius all seem to have something they're embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about. And the best part is how oblivious James is. And now I'm talking like it's real, so you obviously did well with this part.
But my favorite part was Peter's part. I just pity him so much after reading this chapter, and like I mentioned in the last review, I have ALWAYS hated him. But you write him so realistic, and I just see a bit of myself in him. He is just such a misunderstood character that was bullied by so many people. I just want to jump straight into your story and befriend him right now :P You have officially changed my heart about him.
The last part with James just completed the awesomeness of this chapter. I love how he senses that something is a bit weird, something about Sirius and the letter. And I absolutely love it when Sirus and him meet Snape and Lily, and James doesn't say a word during the whole encounter. His part was amazing.
But my favorite thing about the whole chapter is probably Crouch. I love how he's so angry at the boys all the time, and how he keeps yelling at them. I can imagine them making their prefect hate them already the first days of school. Great job with the chapter; I loved it :)Author's Response: I'm so so so sorry for this extremely late reply! I've just finished my last exam which means I finally have time to respond to your lovely review and start writing the next chapters! :)
Well thank you very much - the four POVs will hopefulyl continue until the story has finsihed, it means that it can easily carry on when one of them dies! :)
Oh! I'm glad you think they're in character - it's always my sole aim to make sure they come across to fit everyone's head canon. :) Haha - all will be revealed soon! (well not all, otherwise there wouldn't be a plot ;).) James is hilarious to write - he really has no idea, does he? Don't worry - I'm starting to think of them as real when I explain about their actions! haha!
My opinion on Peter changes a lot - he's always had difficult background in my opinion, but it's trying to find what would make him betray his friends in such a way. I'm not saying much - but Peter's journey is going to be the most interesting! :)
Thank you so much for your kind review - and I'm really sorry for not replying immediately! I hope you continue to enjoy the story! :)
Keira :) Report Review
I was looking back through some of my old reviews this morning and I realized that I hadn't looked at your story in a long time. Shame on me, because it's quite good.
Everything about the Transfiguration lesson was beautifully done. Sirius's flashback to his family life before Hogwarts was inspired. Such a great concept of how the Black family treated Sirius and Regulus. I loved that you worked in a very plausible explanation for the animosity between Sirius and Kreacher. In the midst of her frustrations, Professor McGonagall still takes a moment to appreciate James and Sirius's natural talents for magic. It was perfectly in character for her. Even poor Peter manages to figure it out with some help.
You continued to bring Peter's character along in a very consistent, sympathetic way. He's just along for the ride as James and Sirius inflict their sense of humor on the school. Even through Peter's eyes, I think you're striking a really good balance with James's character. He is spoiled and arrogant and he seems to believe that he can do no wrong, yet he is generous and seems to have a good heart.
The food fight was probably the high point of the chapter for me, because it showed that the Gryffindor girls were not opposed to becoming involved in the Marauders' high jinks. The way that Lily approached Remus afterwards, offering to surrender herself to McGonagall's discipline, seemed just like her.
Poor Remus. A week into his first year and already his lycanthropy is driving a wedge between him and his new friends. I thought you did a great job of incorporating the story of the whomping willow.
The last section, told from James's point of view, was the most interesting to me. The way that James thinks of the elves and the work that they do further defined who he is in my mind. And I adored your description of the laundry room. It made me think of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, except run by elves. The boys' punishment certainly seemed to fit the crime.
Your writing is really lovely. Very smooth and polished, with no distracting typos or grammar problems. Everything flows very nicely, and you have a good mix of dialog and narrative. The alternating points of view really add to the story, in my opinion.
I'll try to be less of a stranger!Author's Response: Hello :)
I'm sorry for the late-ish reply. Everytime I go to reply, something else pops up!
Oh - I'm so glad you thought Transfiguration fitted with your expectations. And McGonnagall - I love writing her, but at times I feel like I've gone overboard! So thank you for saying that she was in character. :)
Oh, I'm so happy you've said that. I'm on a mission to make Peter more relatable - and even liked, if possible. He's completely just trying to find his feet, wheras James and Sirius just jumped in head first!
Lily's really interesting as I've never even attempted to write her. In my mind, she's very similar to Hermione... yet a bit more mischievous. ;)
Remus is always held back by his condition (in my mind, at least). He really wants to join in but at the time time is scared of being a burden.
Haha - I was worried I took it too far. But the positive feedback from the laundry room is really making me want to push those boundaries. James - oh, he's just so fun to write. His characteristics are already there, it's almost too easy to imagine his reactions to situations.
Thank you so much for reviewing (and from before) and I'm glad you've given MM another chance. The earlier chapters are in the queue for re-edits to make them a little more smooth. :)
Thanks again, Keira :) Report Review
I love the idea and I love the implementation. I'm pretty sure I've read this before but never got round to leaving a review. Not entirely sure how I omitted to do that... Still, now I'm correcting that aberration.
I think you have captured the essence of the four characters well, through both the dialogue and the internal monologues they have with the sorting hat, whilst the little bits of backstory are thoroughly believable. I know Sirius' family and ancestry is canon - and how - but I don't believe JKR ever told us about the other Marauders' history. All of them seem to fit the bill, which is excellent.
As for (mild) CC: Speaking as a teacher, I am not sure there are that many new boys who will launch a prank like that on the first night... maybe at the end of teb first week... although having said that, clearly these are no ordinary new boys. Finally, you have one typo with a "Syltherin" in there somewhere. Oh, and wasn't Andromeda a Slytherin? Not that it matters...
In short, fantastic, and I'll be working my way through the next few chapters in due course. You have brightened a long evening on boarding duty!
SheriffAuthor's Response: Hello :)
Oh, well thanks for reading it twice! ;) Thank you very much; characterisation has always been the most important factor to me so I make sure the backstories remain consistant! :)
I completely agree with you actually! :P I wrote the first chapter a while ago and my writing has changed dramatically since then, so this chapter is on my list for a re-write! :P To me, James is unusually cocky for a First Year and the others are just desperate to either fit in or prove themselves. The idea behind the prank was more of James showing off. xD
Yep - Andy was a Slytherin - it's on my list :P Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm still making my way through your fantastic story so you'll hear from me soon! :)
Keira :) Report Review
Firstly, I love the plot. (and the Banner) :D Just had to say that before I continued.
Anyway, I love how you really explore the minds of these four your kids, and show the differences in their thoughts as they are sorted into a house. While some are sorted because they really fit in there, you also see others that have other reasons for being in Gryffindor. That was so interesting to see.
So, I'm gonna start with the famous Sirius Black. I really liked how you showed his conflicting thoughts and emotions, because that's how I imagine it being. He wanted to be different from most of his relatives, yet he didn't want to be a blood traitor in their eyes. You portrayed that amazingly. I also love how you write the the students reactions to him being sorted in Gryffindor. It was exactly like I imagine it being. And seeing as Sirius is one of my favorite character, you should take this as HUGE compliment.
Remus was also portrayed well. You surprised me with how your wrote the "conversation" between the hat and Remus. I love how the hat actually argues with him, making him admit where he belongs. That was an interesting twist that I loved. I also loved the flashback where you see a memory from earlier in his life, because it made his sorting a much stronger moment in this chapter than it would've been without it. I loved it.
Then over to Peter Pettigrew. Okay, so I really HATE Pettigrew, so I try to avoid reading about him, unless he's portrayed as really mean or evil. But you did well. I felt pity for him, when he felt twice. I just imagine how embarrassing that must've been, and it changed my feelings about him (a LITTLE). He just seemed so weak, vulnerable and an easy bully target, which just makes you want to jump into your story to become his friend and save him from all of that. I also love how he himself asks to be sorted into Gryffindor. I just don't imagine him being placed there by the hat.
James Potter was also amazingly written. What I really loved was how confident he appeared next to the others. That is just how I imagine him to be. I also love how he seems to panic a little as he is about to be sorted, and that the main reason is because he wants to be sorted into the house his family has always been in, which is a scenario much like Sirius'. I also love how they so easily become best friends, and gets in trouble already at the first day. That was great.
This review became extremely long, and I understand if you don't really want to read it. So in case you don't want to, and you just read this paragraph instead; Here is a short summary: I absolutely LOVED it!! 10/10
LadyL8Author's Response: Hello :)
I'm sorry for the late reply - blame the exams! Anyway - the review!
Sirius: thank you very much - I do take it as a HUGE compliment :P It's always been how I imagine Sirius' sorting to be like.
Remus: Yey! I'm glad you think so - it felt right to put this here (though many have disagreed) simply because Remus' condition really defines his life and choices so when it came to his first big choice/decision, it made sence for Remus' to be reflecting. :)
Peter: Haha! It's my goal to change people's opinions on Peter! :P In my mind, he wasn't always evil - it was more of a gradual thing - but I'm not going to say much, as it'll give a large part of the plot away xD
James: He's really fun to write. There's no limit to James; he acts simply as himself and doesn't see any point in pretending otherwise. James and sirius are alike in many ways! :P
Well this review 100% made my day - and of course I read every word! :P Thank you so much for such a wonderful review and for reading in the first place.
I hope you continue to enjoy this story :) Keira xD Report Review
I enjoyed this chapter just as much as I did the first one. Right off the bat the reader was able to see the instant friendship forming between the boys especially Sirius and James. The small beginning pranks are really fun and I can see how they will build as the boys get older.
I have to point out though that you are missing quotation marks for the dialogue in James' section.
Over all very well written. Good job.Author's Response: Hello! :)
Oh - the pranks will definetly build as they get older ;) I see their First Year as a more 'settling in' year and as they grow, so will their confidence! xD
Ah thank you for pointing that out! I actually edited this chapter (and am planning to go back to the First) due to my lack of grammar etc. But randomly, only half of the chapter got validated and the other half stayed the same! Weird! Hopefully I'll have time to go back over it this weekend! :)
Thank you so much for both of your reviews, and I've also just seen that you've nominated this story for 'Best Marauders' in the PAW awards. That's just... incredible! Thank you so much for thinking of Mischief Managed!!
I really hope you continue to enjoy this story and it carries on entertaining! :)
Keira :) Report Review
I really enjoyed reading this first chapter. There was a great use of descriptions with each section. I thought splitting the chapter up between the four boys was genius because it gave the reader more insight on each boy. The section on Sirius was very insight and I liked how you added the viewpoints of the family and how it effected him at age eleven. I loved the flashback scene with Remus. I have ever a few stories that told about how Remus became a werewolf but I have to admit this is my favorite by far. I thought the fact that the hat wanted to put Peter into Slytherin very insightful and helps to set up the story for later in a lot of ways.
Over all I felt that this chapter was amazing and I can't wait to read more.Author's Response: Hello! :)
Oh thank you very much! That was my original goal when I started this story so I'm so glad that you think so! xD
Peter is definetly the most interesting to write - but hopefully you'll see him evolve :)
Thank you so much for both reading and reviewing!!
Keira :) x Report Review
yeah, your amazing. just had a little keira catchup sesh and i love this story - think its my favourite one of yours!!! and i have just seen my dedication - you are such a cutie. i feel so spesh having a chapter dedicated to me and all that hehe think i'm blushing :P. btw quick reminder SCAN THOSE FLYING PHOTOS!Author's Response: Boo!
Thank you so much for reading (and reviewing) xD Yeah well... meh ;)
Ah! I'll do that this weekend! Keira :) x Report Review
I honestly think you should keep the number of words per chapter pretty even between the four characters. It allows for character development and creates a nice balance. You're doing an amazing job, by the way! :)Author's Response: Hello :)
A couple other people have said the exact same thing so I reckon I'll keep it as it is. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
Keira :) Report Review
It's such a long time since I read the first chapter, and I can't believe I never got past it!
So... onwards with the review. :) I really liked how this was written; I like the format of writing all four POV's in a chapter. I think Remus and Peter's POV's were my favourite. I liked Remus' because you can see that he's fighting his demons, and he doesn't want to be unkind to anyone else in his condition. I enjoyed Peter's because I think the way that you slipped Lucius and Narcissa into this was excellent.
I enjoyed the parts which were written from James and Sirius' angles too, however, I'm left slightly unconvinced that they were instantly so mischievous, although maybe that's just me. I did really like the Bellatrix discussion though!
Overall, a great job! :D
-accioHPFFAuthor's Response: Hi! :D
Awh - I'm glad you like Remus and Peter! Most readers are always wary of Peter due to knowing of his eventual betrayl - so I'm glad you're giving him a go! He's one of my favourites to write :)
I'm actually currently editing the first couple chapters - so hopefully you'll suddenly see a big grammatical/flow change if you carry on :P
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing - I hope that you enjoy the rest! :)
Keira x Report Review
I love the story, and NO!!! Don't redo James' POV! I think it's amazing the way it is! :)Author's Response: Hello :)
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!!
Really? Hm - I'm still a little uncertain, but I think I'll keep it as it is for the moment until I have more time! :)
Thank you so much! Keira :) Report Review
YESSS! FINALLY!!! FINALLY!! An update! I was megaly excited when I saw that you had added a new chapter, and I wasn't disappointed!!!
I loved Sirius's piece. I really liked how you had him play with Regulus at the start, it was a really nice, happy, brotherly moment, just two kids having fun, I really loved it. I also really liked how you captured Sirius's parents and how evil and cruel they really are - all that pure blood mania and if you don't think they way they do, they don't want to know you. I really liked how Sirius was very protective of Regulus and how he didn't want him under the influence of his parents and the other pure bloods. Loved Andromeda's silent promise at the end, perfect way to end it.
I'll tell you now, Remus's section nearly had me near tears. I pitied him so much, and my heart ached at the thought of him running away because he thought everyone else would have normal lives then. Loved his friendship with Kaithlyn; it's so nice that he has someone nice like that to play with when he's away from school. Loved how you described him running away though, how after each step there was a word: threat, lies, secret, burden, which goaded him on. It was a brilliant way to capture everything, and it really conveyed the sadness of his little departure too, how he thought he was doing the right thing (as he does with Tonks years later).
Peter's bit was nice. Again, I really like how you include him as part of the gang, how James and Sirius (and Remus) really like him, and how he likes them. His home life is so sad though, so tragic, It's not nice being in the situation he is in, especially since he's only 12... still can't wait to find out what happened in the 'accident' though! Is that information coming soon?
Really liked how you included the two Pewett brothers and Frank Longbottom, in James's section, it was a really nice piece. Playing Quidditch in the house was a mental idea, so that means it was right up James and Sirius's street. Made me laugh.
You asked at the end if us readers would prefer chapters divided evenly between the four, or with a more central focus. I'm kinda of the mind of - don't fix what isn't broke. Things are perfect as is, with each of the four getting equal amonts of word-time. Just with chapters more focused on certain characters you kinda run the risk of making the story being about one individual, you might unconsciously prioritise one boy and neglect the others, you know? But that's just my opinion. But I do think you should go with your gut feeling, this is YOUR story after all, do what you want!!! ;)
What else can I say? Another 10/10 and I still think this is the best story on the site, and i think you have a real talent for writing, you seriously cannot stop - SERIOUSLY! Can't wait for more of this, and more of 'Playing At War"
TLMAuthor's Response: Hi!
Ah! I have to admit that everytime I post a new chapter I'm immediately looking forward to your lovely reviews! :P
Yeah - I know the updates have been a bit slow recently - I'm in exam period at the moment, but hopefully they'll become a lot more frequant as summer gets closer! xD (As a side note, Playing at War is in the queue but it got rejected because I forgot to update the age rating :S So hopefully it'll get validated by tomorrow! :) )
Awh - I'm so glad that you enjoyed Sirius' bit. I thought that I should shw some of the brotherly relationship between the two as I imagine they were very close - which just makes the esulting outcome much sadder. :( Andy has always been a form of silent support in my mind so I'm happy you picked up on it! :)
Ah! You're really picking up on every clue I sneak in :P Remus will always think of himself as a burden - even when he died and Harry saw him in the forest he thought that Teddy would be better off without a father! :(
Oh - the 'accident', yeah that's coming soon! :P In my original plans, the boys find out in their second year - but I have other plans for this year as well so I'll see on where it fits in! :P But I swear it won't be too long a wait! xD
It was your review which decided me - I think I'll carry on doing four equal sections, however at some times I may prioritise one character in a chapter when it's needed - but I won't say any more ;)
Just... thank you so much for your support in every chapter and as soon as my exams are over, updates will be much quicker! Especially, since I've just got a place to study Creative Writing next year! xD
Thanks again - Keira :) x Report Review
well I think the length of this and how you did it was fine. You did a really amazing job giving each character a back story :) Each of them were really intense, and interesting without being exauhsted later :) I'll be going back and at least reading the rest of your story, based on this chapter I'm sure the rest is just as good! probably the rest of it will explain any questions I have, but if not I'll be sure to ask :) I love that they're going to be trying out for quidditch soon! and also love you've included Fabian and Gideon :D Not sure who Jack is, and also excited there's Frank :) Really great job hun!
-Owlpost68Author's Response: Hello :)
Thankyou for reading (and reviewing!). Yey! They're definetly characters - I wanted to bring their past to light - especially Peter as he's so underloved (though I admit there's reason)!!
Haha, well feel free to ask if any answers aren't covered! :) Thanks so much for reviewing!!
Keira :) Report Review
Hi so I thought that this chapter was interesting. It seemed like an appropriate way to start off a marauders story but at the same time it was different because we don't usually see the four during their first year. Usually people start them off in their like fifth or sixth. I noticed some grammar things here and there but nothing that would take away from the story or anything. Also I would go back and fix some of your formatting issues (In the middle of Remus' flashback the spacing is off). I liked how you gave each marauder his own part including Peter. You didn't downplay any of their roles and focus on a specific one. Any who this was a great start. Can't wait to see moreAuthor's Response: Hello :)
Thankyou very much for reading and reviewing! I'm currently going back through the chapters and editing - it's much needed! :P So hopefully I'll catch the errors then (and of course the formatting!) :)
Thanks again - First Year has just been completed so I hoep you enjoy the rest!
Keira :) Report Review
I Think You Should Stick To Equal Amounts For Each Character For Most Chapters But When Something Important Happens (I.e. When You Write About Peter's Sister & The Accident) One Character Should Get More Focus :). I Really Like This Story :) xAuthor's Response: Hello :)
Hmm - I quite like that idea! So for the big dramatic scenes (there are many coming... every so often - I doubt they're as unlucky as Harry!).
Haha - you will learn about Sarah and the accident... eventually ;).
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!
Keira :) Report Review
Oh dear, the amount of trouble they've managed to get in already is actually fabulous. Honestly, they're just wondering around Hogwarts and trouble is just flying in at them from all directions. I love the way you've characterized Remus especially - he's want to be involved but his reluctance to laugh at the others is wonderful. I liked James' arrogance and Sirius awkwardness surrounding the Black family.
Anyway, it was really enjoyable and I loved reading it :) :) :)
ACAuthor's Response: Hello :)
Haha - well they are the Marauders ;) Thank you very much - Remus is probably my favourite to write.. but then there's Peter... and James... and Sirius.
Nope, I can't choose! :P (Is it bad when the characters seem real?)
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!
Keira :) Report Review
What a gem! This was so great!
Initially I was a little worried because you'd obviously divied up the chapter into the different P.O.V's and a lot of the time that can turn out really badly, BUT this worked really well and your writing is just wonderful that all my initial qualms over it quickly disappeared.
I felt like your characterisation was absolutely spot on for all of them, especially Sirius and Remus. Especially those two!
And Remus' flashback was brilliant, just great.
I literally have nothing bad to say, no constructive criticism I could give you. I enjoyed this immensely and am looking forward to reading the next chapter!Author's Response: Hi!
Why, thank you very much! :)Remus is always interesting to write - but I struggled with Sirius for the first couple chapters - then I hit the Christmas chapter and he suddenly became much easier to understand! xD
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I hope you enjoyed the rest of the chapters! :)
Keira :) x Report Review
ok first thing all those years ago wasn't that first year or not?Author's Response: I'm not completely sure what you mean! :P But all the chapters which are up so far (upto Ch 6) are all the Marauders in first year.
Hope that helps in some way? :) Report Review
Man!! Walburga is insane! I love it though. Love the words you chose for her when writing this. I like how each personality is shinning through, specially the older Black family members. I'm wondering about Reg though...I have no idea if he'll be twisted to THINK that way or if it'll be just an act to not be treated like Sirius. Definitely interesting plot!
I swear...I wanna move to that village! Seems like nice place to live. However, why did the dad say 'chap' a lot? O.o
Argh!! You've done it! You've made me feel bad for him that I'm starting to like him. :S I dun like you. Hahaha! Interesting part, thought. I'm intrigued as to what happened. To be honest, Peter is the most interesting character of all. We know what he did...yet HOW did he get there? I hope you actually do all 7 years, that way I can hopefully see the boys grow up and develop even more as your story continues.
I can see why you're not too happy with James' POV. The beginning was pure dialogue. You can always expand on his thoughts of him being bored WHILE questioning his mother. Besides, you give no description at all about what his parents look like. All I imagine is a copy of James and Lily (those Potter men sure love the gingers) however, I don't think that's what you think they look like. Also, Dorea mentioned that she has 'horrible relatives'. Do you mean the Black Family? I know that all purebloods are related to one another...but have you added what family Dorea or Charlus come from?
Anyway, technique. The only problem I saw was the commas. You're missing several of them during dialogue. I don't mean like the previous chapter with dialogue tags but for example:
"You alright chap? Saw an owl fly towards your room this morning."
You should have a comma after 'alight'. It's only little tidbits like that that I spotted once in a while.
Other than that, this was an enjoyable read.
PerelandraAuthor's Response: Hi!
Sirius: Yeah Walburga's crazy. haha! They're such fun to write! Reg.. you'll see... mwahaha xD
Remus: It's a pretty awesomevillage - very similar to one I know of locally! And Remus' dad is based on a father a know in RL who fits 'chap' in every sentence! :P
Peter: Yey! 10 points to Keira! :P Haha - you'll eventually see where I'm going with this ;) More of Peter's background is shown in Ch 6 :) I'll definetely be doing all 7 years - and beyond! xD
James: He needs a bit of work in this chapter - it's my aim for this weekend! ;) (can't eblieve I missed describing the Potters! :O)
Ah! I'll fix that as soon as! :)
Thanks for the reviews (again!). Keira :) x Report Review
Hey! Perelandra here with your next review!
His narrative was fantastic. I could easily imagine both him and his brother practicing magic while being preached about blood superiority by the rest of his family. I have a few things to point out though...right at the beginning...is James that bored during class that he has to inflict pain on his friend? Seems rather...not nice? Kinda psychotic? Haha!
McGonagall's reaction seems very real and it made me laugh. And Peter reminds me of Neville...specially when transfigurating. I'm glad that you're not mentioning Lily but just Snape as he was the constant victim/rival of the Marauders since the beginning. Lily was just another girl at school until most likely later.
I see what you're doing...you're making me feel bad for Peter...its working!! :O I'm intrigued as to what happened with his mom.
I see him becoming the victim of the boys' pranks. However, I'm glad you made him a bit mischievous as well by getting back on the guys. Definitely made me laugh with the treacle. Barty...poor guy. He never has peace...or he just exaggerates everything and is bitter. I'm still trying to figure it out.
Hold up! McGonagall did not give them detention for a food fight, which causes a mess and is rude behaviour but only for the treacle? It seems...kinda not McGonagall-ish. She would definitely give them detention for the food fight (specially if they started it) and perhaps let them go for the treacle since they were in their own dormitory and not disturbing anyone. Except maybe Remus. And Barty. Also, you can have Barty reduce points from Gryffindor as he's the prefect. He doesn't have to go squeeling to McGonagall every time the boys do something.
You're making me love my Remus even more. XD Great description about his feelings towards the transformation and the doubt of him being human but rather a monster. McGonagall's excuse was perfect. I was wondering how/when it was going to come up in the story.
"Unless McGonagall brought him back for his detention – and that’s just mean!" That's hilarious! Anyway! XD I think you managed to capture James' essence. He's a spoiled brat who thinks everyone should do what he says.
The laundry room! That was a great idea! Never thought the castle would have one. Definitely brilliant. Having them clean their own mess is a perfect way to teach them...something...O.o
Other than that, the only problem I noticed were your commas and periods in dialogue. For example:
"'Follow me boys.' Professor McGonagall said sharply..." There should be a comma after boys and not a period since you're stating that McGonagall spoke. And another comma after 'me'.
Now if you had done "'Follow me boys.' Professor McGonagall's tone was sharp and slightly on the scary side." It'll be alright to have a period there since you're not saying "He said." "She said". It's dialogue tags. I had this problem before and now,after it was pointed out, my stories flow a bit better. It takes time to see/feel the pattern.
Other than that, the formatting is SO much better. :D
On to the next chapter!! XDAuthor's Response: Hello :)
Sirius: Yes! I'm so glad you're enjoying Sirius - he's turning from my least favourite to my favourite character to write! xD And James... what can I say? he's an 11 year old, bored boy :P
Peter: Mwahahaha - my plan is working! ;)
Remus: I completely agree! For some very weird reason, my notes clearly state that McGonngall shouldn't give them detention.. adn I have no idea why not! If I get time soon then I'll edit this! :)
James: Oh.. James is just a *tad* spoilt, isn't he? :P
Oh! Thank you for poitning them out! I'll edit as soon as I can :)
Thanks for reviewing!
Keira :) Report Review
Six chapters already?! Omg. I will have to catch-up with this once I get my review thread back up.
This was such a great read! You really know you're characters and Sirius story was just...heart-wrenching. There's so much going on every chapter with about three to pour POVs in each one. :D So much to read!
Any way, I just want to say how much I love you and this story.
CloakAuror9 xxAuthor's Response: Haha!
Chapter 7 will hopefully be up soon :P Awh thank you very much :)
Thanks so much for bothering to read and review!!
Keira :) Report Review
I liked this lots and lots! I love each of their personalities. James was great, the spoilt kid from a family where in his mind he can do no wrong. Remus was my fav (Because he just always is). Peter was good, the bumbling kid I always imagined. I really liked Sirius too. He was so descriptive about his family and his feelings. Loved muchly. Im glad you stuck with original characters for the girls. People don't seem to use Mary alot even though she's mentioned in Snape's memories by Lily. I've always preferred when people use Dorcas, Benjy, Emmeline and Mary for extras! Anyways, love this loads, cant wait to read more :)
~IzzyAuthor's Response: Hello :)
Oh, thank you very much! xD
I'm glad the characters fit your image of them - it's always something I worry about ;) - and I'm trying to make this as canon as possible so will hopefully be using as many of the Order lot as I can :)
Thansk so much for reading and reviewing! I really hope you enjoy the rest! :)
Keira :) Report Review
Awh I like this story.
Giving it from three different Points of View is interesting as it allows you to see life from all sides of the marauders life and espeically including Peter in this as many authors simply forget about him and how close the marauders were to him.
I loved the prank with Sirius and Peter as it showed just how close they were with them standing up to the older Slytherins for ridiculing Peter. It showed the friendship between them.
Also James makes me laugh. He is just so cheeky but cute at the same time. I just want to laugh at the things he does but he is just the slightest bit too cocky for you to fall completely in love with him and I love it!
Peter's story is actually so sad! I wonder what happened to his little sister and what the accident was with his mother. It must have been so hard going from a life in which he could be a child to one in which his father cares for his mother and his mother is now incapable of looking after herself let alone him.
It's really sweet.
Then I love the aspirations of James and Sirius to get onto the quidditch team the next year. It is totally believable :D
Well done on this!Author's Response: Hello :)
Awh, thank you! I've made it my mission to get people to feel sorry for Peter - so we'll see how that goes xD
James - you've described him perfectly! Haha, he just never quite get's it does he? :P
The next chapter will be up soon (as soon as it has been magically written) so I hope you continue to read! Thanks so much for reviewing and reading!!
Keira :) Report Review
Yeah! It is always brilliant when you check your favourites for updates and then see that YES "Mischief Managed" has been updated! SWEET!
I really loved Sirius's chapter; you get into the boy's head so well and what really made it was the additional comments such as "Typical", "Idiots" and "Over-dramatic", brilliant stuff really. And the whole sword fighting thing really made me laugh, especially James's parents reaction and McGonagall's, and I just loved the way you had Sirius tell the whole story there.
I really liked Remus's piece too, you had him spot on (as always) cautious but also wanting to take part in the fun none the less. I really liked that you had him reach across the table and pull Peter out of the way of the parcel. It's great how you are including Peter and how you have all the others treat him like a real friend, most fics fall victim to the fact that they know what he will become and as such reflect that in his younger self, which I don't think is necessarily the right thing to be doing, I prefer your way, it's much better!
I love how you really make us feel for Peter. I am now all curious as to what happened to his mother and Sarah, you're great at leaving us in suspense about that, without confusing us while you're at it! Well done on that front! Just one thing I spotted though, you may want to fix this sentence: "It was a grey owl, an owl scrawny owl called Bellah." - I think you've mentioned the word owl too much...
Loved James's piece too, you really captured how he is so spoilled, but at the same time he is not obnoxious. I really loved how Sirius and James had the lipstick fight, funny stuff. The ending was really cool too, with the photograph. I spotted two miskates though: "I took a deep breath, preparing to yell when I [should be 'a'] calm voice interrupted me". Also, did you mean Comet 180, not Cleansweep? Ron gets the new Cleansweep in OOTP and it's only a Cleansweep eleven.. also, aren't first years not supposed to have Broomsticks anyway? I remember on Harry's Hogwarts letter it did say that... but maybe that was a new rule that wasn't around in James's day.
Anyway, another BRILLIANT chapter, I really enjoyed reading it! I can't believe that's the end of first year! :'-( But I agree with you, considering you are going up to the Battle of Hogwarts you seriously can't be including everything or you could be writing this for the next ten years (which from my point of view isn't really a bad thing considering I love this story so much)! Anyway, please update soon, can't wait for more of this story and for more of "Playing at War" too :) 10/10Author's Response: Ah! After I replied to your last review - I immediately went to reply to this one.. and after just checking, it remains 'unanswered'. I'm not ignoring you - I swear! It musn't have sent! :(
Thank you so much for your wonderful, helpful reviews. They really make my day and make me want to write the next chapter immediately.
Sirius: It just had to be done. I really couldn't imagine them spending seven years at Hogwarts with all those swords and suits of armour.. without at least one sword fight! :P
Remus: Awh - thank you very much! You've described him just how I think of him whilst I write - so I'm really glad that's its coming across well!
Peter: Ah! I'll fix that right away! Peter's never been the 'evil from birth' character - I think it's progressive.. but you'll eventually see where I'm going with this ;)
James: Oh! I'll fix them as well! :) I'm really happy that James isn't coming across as obnoxious - just very spoilt! :P
Thank you very much! Haha - well I might go back and add a few chapters or events if I have time - but I'll always write it in my authors note if I do! :P
I've just (finally) put Ch 7 in the queue - so hopefully it will be up at the end of this week.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing!!
I'm so sorry but I don't like Peter. I really, really, really love Sirius. You have me obsessed with him. What a fan girl I am, but I would marry Sirius at the drop of a hat. I really would
Why is it that you can make me laugh like a lunatic? You have to stop that(; people are always staring at my like I'm not sane.. But tits brilliant, so don't stop! I love your humor, you should teach me how to be funny sometime. Yes? Good!
Why must this story be so blasted brilliant? You need to stop that, you're creating a monster:D I love your story, whatever you're doing to make me addicted to the story, keep doing it! There must be something in the water...
Ever (10/10)Author's Response: Haha! I'll put you on my list of people to persuade! There's a couple now ;) Yey for Sirius - he's always interesting to write. (Remus requires brain power, Peter is a challenge and James... well he's just a little fun at the end xD)
Ah! Thanks so much Ever! This review (and another) have really made my entire weekend!)I loved your story as well!
Keira :) xx Report Review
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