Reading Reviews for Parachute
83 Reviews Found

Review #26, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

2nd May 2012:
"Want to borrow my cell phone's thesaurus?"

^ Do we seriously have those on cell phones? I have to go search my phone now and see. I have the internet on my phone so I guess I do have it but I don't have an application for it. That's kind of cool though.

But anyway (sorry I'm so random).

This question might sound...I don't know but I'm thinking about it, you know? And I can't get it out of my head. I forgot how old Annie is, I'm pretty sure she's older than Lily right? I don't think she's too old though that the pairing for the story? Is it Lily/OC (Annie). Don't tell me...well, tell me actually. No, I don't want to know. Hm. I'm conflicted.

I was really convinced it was Anthony and then I don't know there's something about how Annie cares about Lily that tells me maybe, just maybe they have a connection.

Or maybe I'm just reading into this too much. Well, anyway it seems to me that Annie has something going on with her as well because her life really just seems consumed by football right now and in reality we really don't much more about her. I think she can relate to Lily but I don't know how.

I understand that Lily is upset about what her family does but I'm kind of confused as to why she ran away, is that really it? Because I try to think of it as, say her family, or some people in her family were part of the army, would she run away then? Would someone run away because someone they knew was in the army and they know that it's dangerous and it upsets them so they leave?

I don't know. I just don't really understand I guess what's going on inside her head. I don't think you told us the entire story just yet.

Author's Response: I feel like some cell phones probably do, but I'm sure all will by 2025 (which is when this is set). They're also probably be the size of a fingernail or something ridiculous like that, but you know. :P

Annie is a couple years older than Lily - Lily's 17, Annie's 19 or 20. PM me if you want me to tell you who the ship is - don't make any assumptions because of chapters that have been currently posted. ;)

Lily ran away because she felt like she couldn't even put the danger out of her head for a little while because it was constantly around her. I think I'm going to need to rehash that a bit, but I will! :)

Thank you for the review. :)

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Review #27, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap 

2nd May 2012:
Annie rubbed her eyes, which only made them redder. "Liverpool lost to Manchester United last night," she said, and buried her head in her hands as she burst into tears.

^ Oh the drama of people and their sports teams. Reminds me of my cousin, seeing a 27 year old cry because the Yankees didn't make it to the world series or they did and lost terribly to the Red Soxs, I'm sorry...I laugh. Makes me sound terrible but I laughed at Annie too.

You must have a real love for football. When I went to Spain I could tell that everyone was really into it because all these people were wearing the shirts and kept going on about it whenever we walked around and did touristy things in some places. I suppose it's nice to be into something that much. I used to be a big basketball fan but now I can't even tell you what's the difference between a three point and two point shot (besides the point difference obviously).

Author's Response: Yeah, people definitely get dramatic about their teams (myself included). It really can be nice to care so much about something - even when it's heartbreaking it brings you out of yourself, and there are a lot more people who comfort you when your team loses than anything else.

I've spent the last three weeks on a roller coaster of emotions with football... I'm going to vent my frustrations with chapters predicting great futures for my favourite teams and lousy ones for the teams I hate. :P

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Review #28, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Little White Lies

2nd May 2012:
"Early on, I was careful because I knew that she was skeptical about going out with a Slytherin in the first place, and she had a nasty habit of eavesdropping."

^ These references to Curiosity Is Not a Sin really make my day. :D I love that you connect everything, even if it's something small, to your stories.

I suppose the Lily/OC pairing will be Lily/Anthony because of the small exchange that happened here. I'm glad it's not Scorpius/Lily, that would be an awful love triangle and I'm not a big fan of those what good person would really do that to their cousin?

Confession? I don't know how to play football (or soccer as we Americans call it). There's something horribly daunting about that ball and having to run up and down a field and kick it. I lack serious coordination skills.

Author's Response: Oh, yay! I always try to work in those little references, in part because I find it fun and I like to link things together, and in part because I really hope that people who read a lot of my stories see them and it makes them happy, because those sorts of references always make me happy when I see them in stories I like.

I won't say what the pairing will be, other than definitely not Scorpius/Lily - by the end of this Lily will have heard some pretty important news from Scorpius about him and Rose ;) - but I will say that you shouldn't necessarily assume anything based on the end of this chapter. ;)

And aw, that's okay! Football is awesome to watch, too. :) Even the MLS can be pretty decent, but this summer you should definitely tune into the European Cup! (Which is like the World Cup, but for Europe.) If you do, focus on the Spain, Germany, and Netherlands games - they're the best teams in it. :)

Thank you for your review! :)

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Review #29, by lily_evans_ginny_weasley 

19th April 2012:
Wow I actually gasped at the end of that chapter and my brother asked me "whoa what's happening?" haha and now we're having a discussion about how good it would be if all books were released chapter by chapter with cliffies... ANYWAY

I really enjoyed this chapter, and I think this disagreement had to happen. I don't really think Lily's being unreasonable, but I do a bit... And yay for Anthony, although in all honesty I think the next chapter is going to be "Lily dodged his kiss; awkwardness ensued." haha

Looking forward to more, whatever happens! Thanks :)

Author's Response: Aww, I know what you mean! I hate it when writers leave things on cliffhangers... but at the same time, it always keeps me coming back! It's a love-hate sort of thing, which is probably why I try to do it sometimes. ;)

I won't spoil it for you... but I will say that your gut is leading you in the right direction! ;)

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Review #30, by Hope's Mom 

18th April 2012:
Ed does have a point but Anthony is a little kinder about the way he goes about telling her that she behaving in an immature and irresponsible way. She will want to see her family again - she misses them. Go Anthony - I like him. Thanks for the update!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I definitely agree that Lily's being a bit immature, but yeah, there are ways of dealing with that, and Ed was not the most diplomatic.

Of course, then Anthony had to go spoil his altruism by kissing her. :P

Thank you so much for your review!

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Review #31, by Aiedail Frequent Visits to St. Mungo's

27th March 2012:
Hi! Me for the TGS review swap :)

I haven't read a lot of Next Gen running-off stories, so this was a new experience for me. I was a bit wary because I didn't understand the amount of danger that Lily's family really seems to be in so I don't know why it upsets her as much as it does. I'd expect to see some kind of real examples of how she worried about them, like how when she thought about the tea cup her brother had given her for her fifteenth birthday she couldn't even enjoy it because she had to then wonder about James, and how he was. I also don't know why she's so mad at Albus. It seems to me it's just his way of coping. It's possible she's just too upset for this to make any difference for her, though. It also took me a long time to understand that Rose and James are aurors, right? Or am I still confused about that.

I like Edwin, but I have a lot of questions about him. I realize that you probably address a lot of these things in later chapters, but the first chapter shouldn't be overlooked as an opportunity for some basic information, right? I wonder things like does he live alone? How old is /he/ ? How come he doesn't know how old Lily is but she knows his address and that he'll take her in? Why does it matter to him so much that she's eighteen? The color on the wall stuff lost me a little bit, though. Also, with the bed stuff, I got confused about who was who for a while!

I like the premise you've set up. I can see there will be some exploring to happen, a lot of new freedom that Lily will and won't be ready for in different measures. I like that Edwin is a Dursley but I foresee problems with his parents / relations plus the fact that Lily isn't being very careful about using magic in a muggle neighborhood and the Ministry keeps tabs on those kinds of things. Overall I didn't have a very clear impression of what things looked like so I was having a little bit of trouble getting into the story. It's hard for me to know what things mean to Lily--she's willing to forego a family that loves her and knows her for a cousin who brings his pals into the place and who doesn't know how old she is--and I can't yet see exactly why. Still, I'm interested in reading more because I like the newness of this situation and I'm excited that you'll have this great new canvass to work with.

I think I will try to read and review your other chapters just to see if some questions I have noted here are things you do take care of later. I understand that first chapters with WIPs are sometimes strange places, and often times, the story actually starts in a different chapter :) Good job and good luck with this!


Author's Response: Hey! :) Sorry for taking forever to respond to this. I got a little backlogged.

I definitely agree that the first chapter does need to include a fair amount of information, at least to set the scene. I thought that I'd made some of those bits clear, but I'll have to go back and look at it again, because it seems like I didn't. :)

As far as him knowing how old Lily is specifically... I don't know. You put a lot of significance on it, which I really wasn't intending, so maybe I need to cut that part out. I'm close to almost all of my cousins, but I'm not always clear on exactly how old they are. I didn't really think about it being confusing when I put it in, but I certainly don't want it to come across that way, so maybe I should look again.

Thank you so much for the review. I'll definitely look back at this chapter to try and clear some of the things up, and I'm sorry again for taking so long to answer this!

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Review #32, by SilentConfession 

21st March 2012:
Hello! I'm so so so sorry for how long it's taken me to get around to reviewing this! I'm mortified it's been nearly a month since you requested! I've tried reviewing a few times before but my browser kept closing down for some reason and i'd lose what i wrote! Anyway, sorry again for this incredibly long wait.

I like that your continuing to highlight the difference between the muggle and magical world. I liked how Lily was just so confused about not being able to use her hands and the whole not scoring business. I like that this fic is so centred around football and i have to admit that every time i see your status updates about football i think of Annie and her obsession.

I especially liked the details you added in here that made the story seem a lot more rounded and rich. Some of the things i liked was just the comment about how long you've loved your team. It's so true and realistic because it's easy to love a team when they're doing good, but when their rubbish and you still support and love them it's a completely different thing.

I also liked that you pointed out that she doesn't get on with all of her family. So many write the Weasley's as this huge happy family that all love each other or all just really get along and are best mates. It's rare that that would happen in a family. But i loved that there are people that she just didn't really get along with. I also liked the highlight about the wildness of family and how she doesn't really associate with that so much. This makes Lily seem so much more of a real and multi dimensional character.

The repetition of 'great' was also an interesting touch. I feel like it covered a lot about what Lily is feeling about her family. It seems like something people when they just don't what else to say about their family or how else to describe it. I almost feel like it's used to cover some other feeling up perhaps? When i hear people say great repeatedly in real life it always seems like it one of those 'yes but' type things where it's like i love them but or they're great but. I don't know exactly what i'm trying to say with this comment exactly and i'm having a hard time trying to express exactly what i'm feeling about this but i thought it sort of covered her feeling so of uncertainty of her family.

As i said before, you've done a great job with giving Lily more dimension in this chapter. She seems like someone who bottles up all her feelings because she sees it as a sign of weakness or something. I think this was a great addition to trying to explain why she left her family in the first place. It almost seems at some points that she feels left out of her family, like she doesn't quite belong? I may be reading way too much into but there was a few lines that sort of gave me that impression.

Even with this chapter that was basically all about her leaving and there were some great things in there that made it a bit more believable, i still felt like her reasons fell a little flat and i'm still having trouble buying into it completely at this point. I'm probably being a bit dense and I'm sure you'll explore this later on and do a great job with it. Does she feel like she doesn't measure up to her family? Is she trying to find where she fits into her family and perhaps wants to try and find that out herself without being overshadowed by her family? So many possibilities.

Anyway, this was a lovely chapter and i really enjoyed reading it and seeing the relationship between Annie and Lily grow! :D I hope my ramblings made sense, i had a hard time articulating some of the thoughts that i was having but i hope that i got my point across. :D

Author's Response: It has taken me forever to answer this, and for that I am very sorry. *hides*

I completely understand browser problems - I actually always type up my reviews in a text document, because I got tired of losing things when my computer misbehaved. :P

Lily's major issue with her family is that she just finds being around them really stressful. On one level, the reality never really changes, but on another, just cutting yourself off from it and avoiding it can help you avoid the tension and anxiety the situation is causing. If that makes sense?

I'm really glad you're continuing to enjoy this - I have so much fun with this story. (And, amusingly enough, some of my football predictions seem to be on the way to coming true! Which is very exciting for me.) Your ramblings definitely make sense, and they are always so, so helpful. ♥

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Review #33, by kat 

12th March 2012:
i liked this chapter and i'm excited to see how Lily plans on telling Annie about her 'secrets'.
Can't wait for the next chater!!

Author's Response: Thank you! :) I'll get it up asap!

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Review #34, by Mihali1432 

9th March 2012:
Character development! I found it funny that Annie became so sad over a game... I mean, I myself don't follow any sports so ya know xD I don't understand. I keep finding myself drawn to continue reading this story too... I stopped for a second to contemplate eating a bit of pizza but I decided to read this some more!

It's a great story Beeezie. :)


Author's Response: Oh, god. Yeah, for sports fans, losing a game to your greatest rival is positively gutting. I've literally cried before. (Then I heard that the team that beat mine dropped the trophy they won under a bus and felt a little better.)

I'm really glad you enjoy it so much. :)

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Review #35, by Mihali1432 Little White Lies

9th March 2012:
Woohoo! I finally have so adequate time to review! And I think I'll review some more for 2 reasons. 1. This is awesome! 2. I feel bad. xD

Anyways, it's interesting how Lily interacted with Anthony. *Raises eye brow* Felt her face getting hot eh? :P Foreshadowing? I'll find out soon!

I like the small mishap Lily had when she was talking to Annie, it made her seem more human, and how a wizard would sometimes get when they throw themselves into muggle territory.

Annie is a fun character to read too! I really like all of your characters. :)


Author's Response: Hey, no worries. Look at how long it's taken me to respond to you... (embarrassed and ashamed)

Thank you so much for the review. I'm really glad you're enjoying the story, because this is really one of my favourites. :)

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Review #36, by blueirony 

9th March 2012:
I don't get it.

You have Lily running away from home. Away from the Weasleys and Potters. They're always so loving and family-like but now Lily has run away. And you barely mention them. It's just hanging there in the background.

And... for some reason it works. I don't get it. It just does. It is so far removed from everything Next Gen story I have read but it's not bad. It's brilliant. But I am struggling to understand just how you have done it.

Your characters are brilliant. Even though they are all OCs (with the exception of Lily), they all have a purpose. I get frustrated when I read stories where there a bunch of new characters and they just seem to be there just for the sake of being there. I don't get that here. All your characters have distinct personalities and I love how you have written all of them.

I also love the football references. Trust you to do put them in! :P I don't actually know a whole lot about football but I can get pretty fanatical about the cricket and AFL so I understand how Annie felt when her team lost. That made me laugh, though.

Please keep writing.

Author's Response: I am so, so sorry it's taken me so long to respond to you. :( I took a bit of a vacation from the archives and am a terrible person. I hope you can forgive me.

Thank you so much. I love (love, love) your work, so such high praise from you makes me ridiculously happy. I really enjoy this story, so I'm really glad that you like it so much. I often have the same reaction to OCs, so I'm very glad that you think that mine are real and developed and all.

Thank you. Really. You are amazing and I love hearing that you like my work. It brightens up my day.

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Review #37, by lily_evans_ginny_weasley 

6th March 2012:
No, thanks for all the context! I mean, I followed, but it does help. I'm enjoying this story and I like the characters, and feel like I'll like them more as the story progresses and they develop more and more. I feel like I don't know that much of Annie's personality, but that she is nice underneath her football persona! And I still like Edwin - he just seems really cool to me. Thanks! :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your review, and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond. :) I'm really glad you liked this chapter, and I'll get the next one up asap!

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Review #38, by Elenia 

4th March 2012:
Yey! You updated! And see, I told you I'd drop by on my own (:

So anyways, great chapter. I really love your dialogue, it's so fluent and easy to read. Just two friends talking to each other casually and that's what makes this story so real and believable. Which is why I love this so much. Oh, and because of the football of course d:

I really like Annie's character. She's so nice, and so down-to-earth type of girl. And Lily! I think you're doing such a great job on describing her feelings about her family, and about what's going on through her head. I think you handled very well the situation, where she was hurt about Annie not telling her about her football 'career'.

And the part about Scorpius playing FIFA? That was just hilarious! I could so picture it, him staring at the controller suspiciously at first, poking the buttons unsurely. I'm still laughing at the image.

But yeah, loved the chapter. I'm already waiting for your next update! Good luck writing (:


Author's Response: Hey! I'm so sorry about the terrible wait for my response to this - I've been a bit stressed lately, and I've been avoiding a lot of things. Hopefully you will forgive me.

I'm glad you liked this chapter, especially the part about Lily being hurt about what Annie didn't tell her. (And, of course, that you enjoyed the visual image of Scorpius playing FIFA - I was really hoping someone other than me would be amused. :P)

Thank you! ♥

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Review #39, by charlottetrips 

2nd March 2012:
Ah, we have Lily on the football field. I was looking forward to this!

much [] important in football than they were in Quidditch - omitted [more], also “snitch” should be capitalized.

Annie is looking like to be a great person. Empathetic, not the type to get in one’s business if you don’t want but still caring enough. Although, at this point in the story, her life seems to revolve around football. But maybe that’s really just the truth of it, eh?

The longer, the better, and you got double points for sticking with them through hard times. - this is so true, of any sport. Even curling I’m sure!

I like that you have Lily not being close to ALL her family. Most NextGen portray the Weasley and Potters being super-BFFs all the time when this isn’t the truth of family. There are those you like as well as love and there are those that you are just around because you happen to share some blood. I don’t know if those authors realize it but there is such a thing as a “Mary Sue” family.

and once the sun started [go] down, it definitely got chilly - it’s either [going] or [to go], hm?

and pulled her over to one of the [part] benches. - [park]
“He was [] a few times when I was little,” she said softly, - missing “there”?

There’s a feeling I’ve had for a little bit in reading this story. The feeling is that I don’t quite understand why Lily ran away from her family. I mean I can kind of get it, better now with this exchange with Annie, but it’s still a little vague for me. I can see that she’s super worked up about it with the crying and all but the actual connection for me in her being so worried about her family to needing to be away from them is sporadic at best. I think what’s needed is a bit more segue between her family being into all these dangerous things and the feeling of her needing to not be there, not be a part of it. Because if I were that worried about my family, I’d stay there with them, try to help them through it and keep them alive as best as I can. Not sure if this makes sense.

Just to answer your little comment on your request, I don’t mind sticking with you throughout a novella! I enjoy reading your writing and I feel like I’m learning more about football and the like. Plus, you’ve given me a good mystery as to who Lily is supposed to end up with and also in seeing her get over this hill in her relationship with her family. Your flow and interactions between characters are very nicely handled and I don’t ever feel like I have to push through your story!


Author's Response: I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to answer this - I've been a bit stressed lately.

Thank you so much for your review - the little catches that you make are always super helpful, and I definitely know what you mean about understanding why Lily ran away. I think I understand it all in my head, and haven't fleshed it out enough for everyone else. I'll definitely try to do that through edits, as well as in coming chapters. :) Thank you!

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Review #40, by charlottetrips 

2nd March 2012:
OMG. I totally laughed at Annie. I’m sorry but, really? I started out this chapter with “Oooh, there’s an air of mystery here” to “Oh come on! Really? Geez, Annie.” :) What a funny way to start though!

“Every match against Man U is an important match,” :) how every loyal fan feels

I’m totally with you Lily. Lost. My Yankee mind cannot grasp the finer points of football Beeezie!!

Of course Edwin would find Quidditch interesting. What an in for any male! Sports!

Ha! I found one thing to cc: “I’m so excited,”she squealed - lacking space between [“] and [she]. Not that I always have to find something to cc but I realized that my review was mainly just a reaction post rather than anything of substance :(

I don’t have anything to correct! The flow is moving along fine. Annie and Lily are building rapport. Lily is going to do football which is going to be interesting to read about. Edwin is starting to warm up to the wizarding world (ish) and we’re progressing! This has got to be my shortest requested review in a while but since I’d already decided to review Chapter 5, I don’t feel too bad :)

Author's Response: Haha, yeah, I'm glad you liked Annie's reaction. Rivalries really can get so bitter and extreme. I literally cried when Barcelona lost to Real Madrid in the Copa del Rey last year. (Then one of their players dropped it during their celebration and the bus ran over it, which made me feel a bit better. Seriously, how do you win your first trophy in a few years and then DROP IT UNDER A BUS? But I digress.)

Thanks for the typo catch - I always let one slip by me. Blegh.

I'm really glad you're continuing to enjoy the story - it probably one of my favourites of my stories, so that makes me very happy. :)

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Review #41, by Elenia 

29th February 2012:
Heey! I made it, finally! So sorry it's taken me so long, the days just keep disappearing d:

Once again, I love this story so much! And your writing in general. I already meant to tell you the last time that you don't actually have to re-request, because I'm going to R&R anyways (:

That been said, let's start with the actual review!

Yey for all the football in this chapter. I think you described Lily's problems really well! I could so relate and it made me remember the first time I played. It was so awkward (x

( Oh, and to answer your question from your last response, I've always been a Gunner (: I only wish that I would actually live in UK, so I could go to one of their games! Well, maybe one day )

I'm really glad Lily decided to open up to Annie. She really needed that, she needs to learn to open up a bit more, that will make it easier for her to eventually face her family about her troubles with them. So great development on her character!

Everything else was perfect as always (:

I'm hoping you will make another change though. I want you to change this from Novella to Novel and write many, many, many more chapters for me to R&R (x

Have fun writing, hope to read your next chapter soon (:


Author's Response: No worries! I saw that you posted in my review thread - yay! - and you'll see how that goes. :P I used to be great about leaving prompt reviews, and then they got longer and life got busier and now people often have to wait a couple weeks.

And god, I know! I remember being a kid and constantly clenching my hands behind my back because I kept forgetting I couldn't touch it if it was coming at my head.

Yay Gunner! ♥ I love them. After the fails with the FA Cup and Milan, I was so happy to see them make their epic comeback against Tottenham. I actually cried. And this week I'm going to tape it so I have it forever, right next to the Chelsea comeback from earlier in the season.

I'm really enjoying this story, so we'll see, but I'm thinking that it will probably stay a novella. Hmm. We'll see how it goes, though! :)

Thank you so much for your review!

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Review #42, by charlottetrips Little White Lies

26th February 2012:
Hello, I’m back for Lily’s crazy adventures!

I shake my head at this girl’s antics. She’s living on the edge with the way she’s throwing her magic around.

Scorpius may be cooler than his dad but he still seems to have a little bit of Malfoy in him. He never really had gotten used to the muggle world. and the bit about being able to lie with a clean conscience. I like how you’ve characterized him with a bit of Slytherin but an underlying Hufflepuff bit or maybe it’s not Hufflepuff so much as love for Rose.

The dialogue between Scorpius and Lily is lovely. I think I mentioned this before, in fact, I KNOW I mentioned this before but it bears commenting on once more. She was so open in her affection for him and her care in making sure he was okay, reading his face and all, was just adorable. And he does it vice versa. It really makes him a part of the family and clearly shows that Lily and Scorpius really are friends.

Now that he mentioned it, she did remember Albus giving both Rose and Scorpius the cold shoulder when they’d first started going out, [because] they’d both lied to him about it [because] they didn’t want to make him angry. - the two “becauses” make the sentence a bit unwieldy. Perhaps replace with “due to the fact that” or “as”?

I like how Lily has her eyes wide open about her family. I know that that that was the premise of the story (that she saw the flaws to her family risking their lives and such) but she also knows those little things about them (which all family should know anyway) such as Rose’s eavesdropping tendencies and Al being more level-headed than Rose. It just makes the family dynamic of the story that much more real for me.

I love thinking about what Muggle things parallel wizard things. Like TV and wizard photographs. It’s just an exercise that I don’t often get to indulge in.

LOL, your football obsession is coming through. Smart of Lily to use that as a diversion tactic. Annie seems like a very likeable girl. She’s confident, runs her own place and cares about her family. I could see Lily getting with her.

I actually laughed about Anthony’s conclusion that the class on Ireland was primarily there to make the Brits feel guilty. I like Anthony so far. He’s funny, charming and really easy to communicate to it seems. Plus it seems like he’s handsome. I could also see Lily getting with him.

But then that would leave me guessing as to what the “slash” warning referred to. Is it Lily/Annie? Edwin/Anthony? Edwin/Someone else? Annie/Someone else? I don’t know! Because I haven’t read the other chapters and I’m not looking at the titles or summaries as I don’t want to have it spoiled for me. :)


Author's Response: Ooh, I'm really glad you like Scorpius! I'm definitely pretty proud of his character - I didn't want to make him completely unrecognisable as a Malfoy, but I definitely wanted to mellow him out considerably from who his father was as a teenager. I've built on that some as the story's gone on, especially in chapter 6 (which is going into the queue as soon as what's in there is validated). :) I'm also glad that you like the interaction between Lily and Scorpius - I really wanted them to form a united front.

Thanks for the catch in that sentence - I'll fix that as soon as I can. :)

I won't spoil the OC or slash thing for you, so I'm not going to say anything about the possible ships. :)

My football obsession is about to get worse... I hope you can forgive me. :P

Thank you so much for such a lovely review. I'm off to rerequest!

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Review #43, by lily_evans_ginny_weasley 

22nd February 2012:
Lily needed to open up, I think. I mean, Annie has been a very nice friend, but of course she's curious. And I'm glad Lily talked about her family for her own sake. Thanks :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! :) I'm glad you liked the chapter, and I'll try to update soon.

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Review #44, by kat 

20th February 2012:
This was a great chapter. I enjoyed reading it
Can't wait for the next one!!
Update soon XD

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! :) I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can!

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Review #45, by Hope's Mom 

20th February 2012:
Maybe Lily will rest a little easier now that she has told someone about her worries and fears. Her struggles at football are rather funny. Thanks for the update!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Glad you enjoyed it! :)

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Review #46, by charlottetrips The Rickety Walrus

16th February 2012:
Hullo! Here for your requested review on Chapter 2!

I love how you start out with Lily’s impressions of the Rickety Walrus. You can see right off the affinity she has and how there’s something familiar and right about the place. The little details that she picks up are just the type of things any person could pick up and thus, she becomes more real to me, the reader. I’ve already got her as being a bit on the quirky side, the impulsive nature and the random sights, sounds and smells she’s picking up just kind of cement that for me.

I liked how you handled the dialogue between Lily and Annie. Annie comes off as being very easygoing and personable (which I guess is a plus for someone who runs a teashop!). You also slipped in all these bits about what she was doing plus what Lily was doing and what she felt that it just made it come alive rather than having it be this dry back and forth that some writers can get into. It actually flowed quite well.

LOL, MarioKart! I loved that game! I used to sneak out my brother’s Nintendo when he wasn’t home and play it because he wouldn’t let me do it otherwise. It is incredibly addicting.

Ah, the downfalls of keeping one’s spell-casting secret. Because magic makes things easy for her, everyone assumes that actual actions come easy to her. I feel like that that’s what’s going to be a point of conflict in the coming chapters…

You’re so cute to define what the games were that you were talking about :)

I don’t have anything to critique on this at all! Though I didn’t read your previous story, the trust that Lily has in Scorpius and her natural affection for him is easy to see. Your flow and pacing is just right and I stay interested in the story as it moves along!


Author's Response: Oh, MarioKart. I think anyone who ever played that game has very fond memories of it. And yeah, I wanted to be extra careful with credits, just in case. :)

I'm really glad that the dialogue was broken up well - it's something I've struggled with a bit in the past (too much dialogue, not enough description), but I've worked on it a lot, so I'm really glad you thought it worked!

Thank you so much for your review. :) I really appreciate it.

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Review #47, by SilentConfession 

16th February 2012:
I really loved all the football talk, i really get Annie and having your team lose to a rival, having your team lose in general is rubbish, borderline depressing. I really loved the image of this figure draped over the couch shuddering. I could really imagine the passion she feels for the game. I akin that feeling close to something that the Canadian feels toward hockey. We had this game once which we closed down the school down for the afternoon to watch this World Series gold medal game of us against this other team and when we lost, there was this outcry and gnashing of teeth.

I'm really enjoying getting to know Annie, she seems like an interesting character and we keep learning more about her that i like. I like her wit and confidence and we really see what she's all about in this chapter and i can't wait to see Lily try out football.

I also really liked Edwin and her conversation about her world and how he was slowly getting to know a little bit more about it. It was so normal and i know i mentioned this in my last review but i love seeing how these two worlds are merging in this story, that really isn't explored in too many fanfics so it's really unique in that way.

It was kind of weird seeing muggle culture getting intertwined with magical in Dominique's case but i think i liked it, especially that you explained how she knew of the team and why she became obsessed.

I'm really curious to know if Annie will ever wonder how Lily got into the shop and if that will contribute to Lily being found out (i'm just assuming she will be since she uses it a bit). You've done a good job with this chapter, this review is a bit short but i don't feel like there was a lot going on in this chapter but i did enjoy it! Thanks for requesting!

Author's Response: It really is! I've actually cried before because my favourite team lost. A bit pathetic, but there it is. I'm a Barcelona fan, and when they lost to Real Madrid in the Copa del Rey last year, I was devastated. (Though hearing the next day that a Madrid player dropped the trophy and the bus ran over it did help me feel a bit better.)

It's definitely close to how Canadians feel about hockey.

I'm really glad you liked this chapter. I've been having a lot of fun with my OCs in this, and I'm glad they're coming across so well!

Thank you for your review. :)

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Review #48, by Elenia 

16th February 2012:
Heeey! I'm here, finally! I'm really sorry for the wait again /:

Okay, let me first say 'YES!' because there are football references! I LOVE football! Oh and I think it's great that you've taken it into consideration that the next-gen stuff actually happens in the future and things could be different! Not many people do that! But anyways, I'm super excited about Lily joining in Annie's team! I can't wait to read those chapters! I bet she will love it more than she thinks (:

Annie is adorable. She reminds me of my friend who is crazy about hockey. She cries after every single game her favourite team loses, it's like the end of the world for her! It's just so cute (x

Anyways amazing chapter once again. I keep wondering where you got the story name from? Is it meant as a metaphor because that would fit, or does it mean something else? I really like it though (:

Update soon and drop your re-request (: though I'll probably return anyways when I'm not too caught writing my own story d:

Happy writing!

Author's Response: No worries! It often takes me a few weeks to fill review requests, so I tend to be pretty patient. :)

I am so glad that you love football - it makes me positively gleeful that another fan is enjoying this. I am so ridiculously addicted to football and am definitely using this fic to those ends. :P Next time you review, you have to tell me who your teams are - I'm really curious! (I'm mainly Barcelona, Valencia, and Arsenal.)

I actually just put the newest chapter up, now, which includes some of a practice. :) I'll request for it when you have some slots free, and hopefully you'll enjoy it!

The story title references the poem, "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner." Do you know it?

Thank you for your review! :)

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Review #49, by SilentConfession Little White Lies

12th February 2012:
I'm quite glad that this is not a Lily/Scoprius although I had assumed so, their relationship really doesn't seem like it could ever go in that direction (or at least, i had hoped so). I'm still relieved to know that there won't be that extra drama between Lily and Rose.

Moving on, i really enjoyed the flow of this chapter. It is very easy to read and you've a great hold on mechanics. Honest, it's a joy to read something that isn't cluttered with mistakes. I also really enjoyed the easy interaction Lily seems to have with Scorpius, i feel like their relationship is a big brother/little sister type thing and i think you've done a good job with handling that. I also liked some of the little details of how he's protecting her location yet he's getting into trouble with Albus and Rose (well, Albus mostly). It almost seems like she underestimated her brother commitment to her? Or their protection of her perhaps. Which i think is an interesting dynamic to add to it if i'm interpreting it right. It'll be interesting to see her discover her brothers in a new light as well? I'm probably reading into it way to much but i liked that part in any case.

I also liked that we saw more of Scopius' character in here, that darker side, darker probably isn't the best word, but the side that is able to lie and scheme to get ahead. It's not just that though, the fact that he has loyalty to his friends and i love all these new things we are learning about your characters because they seem so real and alive.

Lily using magic? She's a bit dense isn't she? Silly teenager and not realizing what would happen if she slipped up, which i'm assuming she will at some point because it's only a matter of time until Annie is going to peak into that kitchen and see what's going on. But it was a nice extra tidbit that we learned about Lily... that she seems a little bit like her dad and not thinking of the consequences of her actions (although this is hardly in such a dire situation)

Now, i know i've mentioned this before about Lily's reason for leaving and it being a bit weak. I think for me to believe it more, i'd have to see more of her personality in how maybe she runs away from her emotions or tough situations? I think if there is something there that tells us that this is something she'd typically do then it would be more believable.

I hope to see some football action with Lily and perhaps she'll enjoy it more than she thought she would. It's always interesting to see a witch trying to fit into the muggle world and i think you're doing an excellent job of it. I do hope she figures out better lies for the parts of her past life that she can't tell them, i'd know i'd become a bit suspicious of her eventually. Lovely job as usual

Author's Response: I'm so sorry it's taken so long for me to reply to this. I've been super busy. :(

And yeah, I always dislike the Rose/Lily drama over Scorpius. It's just so tired and overdone, and I tend to avoid tired and overdone as a general rule. My first fic ever was a Rose/Scorpius (which I'm actually still in the process of editing/posting) - there's no way I'm ever breaking that couple up! :P

And yes! Obviously there's a lot more exploration of Scorpius's character is Curiosity Is Not a Sin (which is my Rose/Scorpius novel), but I'm glad that it's coming across here as well. I put a ridiculous amount of thought into how I wanted to portray my Scorpius, because I hate the way he's frequently portrayed in fics.

And yes, Lily really is a bit dense. She's so much fun to write, because I can really capture the full teenage ridiculousness.

Thank you so much for the review, even if my reply was embarrassingly late. I'll definitely be going over these chapters when I get a chance to add in some of your suggestions. :)

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Review #50, by lily_evans_ginny_weasley 

12th February 2012:
Although all the football talk went way over my head, I did enjoy this chapter :) (Although it's definitely soccer; football where I come from is Aussie Rules!) Although admittedly, there wasn't that much other than it :P I'm glad Lily's joining the team, and I'm also glad she and Annie are becoming friends. I also really like Edwin, he is a cool character! Thanks!

Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad you liked it despite not knowing much about football (or soccer, for you :) ). I was worried that readers who didn't really know much about the EPL wouldn't really connect with it, but I'm happy to hear that that wasn't the case, at least for you!

Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate all of your support. :)

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