Reading Reviews for The Dark Side of the Moon
  
83 Reviews Found

Review #26, by TheMarauderChick Bill and Fleur

29th March 2012:
Poor Vic :'( gosh, it must be hard having to repeat the same story over and over again to people.

i can't wait for the next chapter! will it take place in hogwarts?

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :)

The next chapter doesn't take place in Hogwarts, no. I considered it, since Louis is still in school, but I think I've decided against it. Given how much Vic didn't want to talk to her parents about it, I think that she probably would avoid confiding in her kid brother (well, seventh year, but still) until she knew one way or the other.

Thank you for the review! :)


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Review #27, by TheMarauderChick A Late Night Visit

29th March 2012:
CLIFFIE!!!
i love how you portray Lavender in this story :) i always feel like people think she's jsut a blonde bimbo just because of her relationship with ron, but there's just so much mroe to her than that :)

a sheild charm produced by WWW, tricky tricky. gosh, i wish i knew who the werewolf was, but i have no guesses :S

this was a great chapter and can't wait to read the next one! see you in the reveiw section of chapter six!!!

Author's Response: I'm really glad you like my portrayal of Lavender. I completely agree about there being a lot more to her than that - I find her to be a fascinating character, personally.

Thank you so much for the review! I'm really glad you're still enjoying the story. :)


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Review #28, by TheMarauderChick The Aftermath of the Forest

29th March 2012:
Awww :'( this chappie seems so sad to me for some reason . . .

i realize i have not reveiwed in a long time, but im back! ;D

k, so, teddy and victoire are adorable! im glad you decided not to make them so sappy because i 've seen that in other stories (not ones by you) and im like NO ONE ACTS LIKE THAT IN REAL LIFE?!?!?!?!?!

" . . .Potion or not, I don't think I'll be interested in having sex with you while you're transformed, but other than that, I think we're good."

i love this part, it made me burst out laughing for no reason.

but anywhos, off to reveiw your other chapters, bye !

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! I'm really glad you're continuing to enjoy the story. :) I'm glad that part made you laugh - it made me laugh, too, writing it. :P

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Review #29, by Cirque Du Freak Bill and Fleur

17th February 2012:
This was a brilliant way of portraying the reactions between Fleur and Bill when V would tell them. I'm glad they weren't over-dramatic or really overly protective, because they understand that life throws the most unexpected and obviously the most horrible things at people and all you can do is see light in the situation, really.

I like the touch of Fleur not having an accent anymore! Everyone always still pushes that heavy accent on her even though she's been married and living in Britain for decades. What a breath of fresh air, although, slightly hard to pinpoint on how her accent would sound like now - especially those particularly difficult letters 'h' and 'r'!

I think the ending was so appropriate as well and you've really come along with this story in a whole! Honestly, this is fast becoming on my favourite stories on here. :D

Beautiful chapter once again.
X

Author's Response: I always get really worried about portraying canon characters, even fairly minor ones, because I don't want them to be OOC. The fact that you felt like this worked well really made my day.

Thank you so much! I can't tell you how touched I am that you enjoy this story so much - I do, too. :)


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Review #30, by jai917 The D.C.B.

17th February 2012:
Wooo, new characters. The plot thickens. I can't say much about the plot in this chapter since it's primarily the same with the previous chapter, but from another point-of-view. I like how you're intertwining these characters with the werewolf case and connecting them all neatly so far.

The descriptions again are good. I see the setting clearly because you once again show us and not tell us. Keep that up! I guess what I was looking for in this chapter was more insight from Victoire. I'm somehow disconnected with her. I know her reluctance, but I didn't see the reason behind it. I was also looking for what she thought about the werewolves. Was she scared of them? Does she think the whole case is just a headache? Why was she reluctant?

For this chapter, I also noticed that you like using commas quite a lot. There are instances that you don't need to use them, especially with the ands. You usually use comma before end when you're listing something. If the actions are together and just two, there's no need for a comma. Be careful of run-on sentences as well since it's very hard not to commit when you're using a lot of commas. Also, you can combine the sentences in one paragraph instead of making them stand alone as a one liner.

Looking forward to the next chapter :)

Author's Response: I definitely know what you mean about Victoire being a little disconnected. I need to go back through this chapter and play with that a bit, and you've given me some great direction with that. Thank you!

As far as the grammar goes... it's actually not incorrect to use a comma before "and" when you're joining two independent clauses, which is typically where I use them. There are sentences where you can get away with not using a comma there, but it is always correct to do so. :)

Thank you for the review!


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Review #31, by jai917 Werewolf Capture

17th February 2012:
Hi there!

First, sorry for taking so long to write you a review. I've had exams and papers to finish for the past few weeks.

Anyway, here goes. I like the gist of the plot that you presented in this first chapter. You've written it in a clear manner with enough information for the reader to understand, but at the same time you also left stuff out to make us interested.

I also like the way you've written and presented Rachel. Instead of saying what she was doing and what was going through her head, you described it and gave us a clear picture of what was happening during the conversation. I can very much see how distraught Catherine is and how impatient Rachel was getting.

What I'm most impressed about is that you've chosen to write something about werewolves and I don't think that's a popular plot. It takes guts and a lot of plotting for something like this to work and for a first chapter, this very well written and very concise.

On the technical side, I think some of the lines here could be combined in one paragraph because they're basically connected. Grammar and punctuations are also good.

Author's Response: No worries. I know how RL can get! :)

Thank you for the review - I'm really glad that you felt like I was leaving out just enough, because I know that that's one of the things that's most important to me as a reader and really helps to suck me into a story. Often, people just leave too much unexplained, and I just end up feeling bored, you know?

Thank you so much for your review. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. :)


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Review #32, by lily_evans_ginny_weasley Bill and Fleur

15th February 2012:
Oh, so Victoire is starting to get stressed out by everything. Teddy's there to support her though, so it makes things feel better, for her and for me reading. The way you write Teddy just makes me love him - he's really awesome, and just the sort of person any girl would want. I'm glad Bill and Fleur were supportive too!

The mystery at the Ministry looks as though it will get interesting - I think the missing guy is definitely something more, and I'm looking forward to finding out what! Thanks :)

Author's Response: Oh, I'm glad you liked this chapter as well! :) Thank you so much for the review, and I hope that you continue to like the story!

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Review #33, by ms4aisa Bill and Fleur

13th February 2012:
great chapter and awesome story! I just reread all of your other Teddy/Victoire stories and I loved them! I hadn't realized that they all belong together though..
Ah, I wished you'd continue with this story, but also put up a Teddy/Victoire Novel with like a hundred chapters in which you tell the whole story thoroughly! I can't get enough of it, LOVE IT! :)
you're great! can't wait for the next update (and maybe the novel I was talking about...? *hope* ;) )

Author's Response: Aw, you are so sweet! I'm really glad you liked this! :)

All of my stories actually belong together - I mean, obviously you don't need to read them all to understand one, but I put way too much work into my post-hogwarts/next-gen universe to create it more than once. :P

I'll get this updated as soon as I can, and I'll definitely consider doing a Teddy/Victoire novella or novel at some point in the future! :)


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Review #34, by Ashton Bill and Fleur

12th February 2012:
Update soon, please. It's so good! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'll update as soon as I can. :)

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Review #35, by Cirque Du Freak A Late Night Visit

12th February 2012:
Surprisingly enough I actually really like Dom in this, but then I've been reading a lot about Dom lately and I think I'm soon discovering another favourite Next Gen character. :D

I particularly liked her attitude in this and how her character is being shown with her going round the houses, as it were, to get the right information that she needed in order to get a semblance of the truth. Dom strikes me as a very powerful and brash sort of woman who has the connections and can pretty do as she wants when she wants to without really injuring herself along the way - and even if she does, she'll do it in such a way that she holds herself with fierce confidence and steadfast expression glaring on her features. And that is what makes Dom a surprisingly attractive character in a lot of ways despite the negativities.

The second part of this chapter was particularly important I think because we really got to see into Lavender's life after the war and how it was this little window that we could see through for just a little bit and snatch bits of her life that we can't possibly imagine what she must have gone through. Its actually really inspiring that role you've made for her. :)
I really like that Victoire felt the need to go back to work as well, because throwing yourself into something good (so long as it isn't too much throwing) is productive and it really does help and it just shows another characteristic about Victoire where she's very level-headed.

The ending! Ah! The immense suspense of what's to come next; something I'm absolutely drowning in! :P

Brilliant as per usual! xxx

Author's Response: That is EXACTLY how I wanted Dominique to come across. Like, exactly. Dominique is one of my favourite characters to write (though I haven't published so much with her in it yet), because she is very strong and single-minded and determined, to the extent of certainly coming across as off-putting at times - but I think we all know people like that who we despite (or, sometimes, because of) that.

I'm glad you liked the Lavender bit - I'm actually working on a post-war story about her called "Ghost in the Machine," if you're interested. (This Lavender - my stories all take place in the same "universe," I guess you could call it.)

Thank you so much for your reviews. You're really getting exactly what I was hoping readers would get from the story, which is awesome! :)


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Review #36, by Cirque Du Freak The Aftermath of the Forest

12th February 2012:
Right, so I really like this chapter! Purely because you can really see the relationship side of things between Victoire and Teddy and how they're planning to deal with what's happened. I like that they're being more realistic than anythign else, because you do have to assume the worst, but not in 'my life is over' kind of way, but in a more 'we're living in the moment and take things as they come' way. Obviously I've been reading too many teenager-y things as of late, because this is just bucket loads of maturity that my brain is going 'WOW' at when it shouldn't, ahah.

But yeah its nice to see, in a realistic and non-dramatic direction this is taking and to look at how a character would react to this kind of ordeal that they have to go through and you've done it brilliantly!

I like that we got to see a side of Teddy where he is freaking out and that he's human and he's worried, but he loves Victoire so much that he remains calm and comforting for her - knowing what she needs and listening to her. Its almost shocking to see Teddy having an argument with the swearing and everything with Harry of all people, but that just shows his intensity and his earnest-ness on how to go from where they're at.

Brilliant! xxx

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked this chapter! I was a little afraid that it would seem underwhelming after the last one, but at the same time, I felt like this was the right tone to follow the attack.

I'm really glad that you liked Teddy freaking out - my Teddy is generally pretty even keel, but this sort of situation would make pretty much anyone freak out, I thought.

Thank you so much for the review! :)


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Review #37, by Cirque Du Freak The Full Moon

12th February 2012:
Okay so this is the chapter that I absolutely, without a doubt, positively, 100% adore. Really. This is the chapter for me. I love the dark element of this, the descriptions, just everything. Honestly.

I love the fast pace of the whole chapter and that it wasn't a particularly long chapter either, because it didn't need to be - you created the scene fantastically and asdfghjkl;'# I have no words for this.

Just the beginning where its right in the middle of the scene and the vocabulary and I could just see green and dark and prickly bushes and undergrowth everywhere argh.

I love the mystery of the wolf who wasn't being affected by Vic's or Van's spells and the fact that you included smaller werewolves (I have a theory for that) and just aw yeah. The last line especially was heartbreaking and leaves your heart thundering and your mind spinning and just wanting more.

Gah. Definitely my favourite chapter. xxx

Author's Response: Yay! I'm definitely the most pleased with this chapter as well. :) I actually considered making it the first chapter of the fic, but I didn't like the idea of just summarising the first two chapters rather than actually covering them - it made the story feel really rushed to me. I'm very glad that it worked for you!

Thank you so much for the review! :)


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Review #38, by Cirque Du Freak The D.C.B.

12th February 2012:
I really like that you've made Victoire a bit opposite to the usual stereotypes of her (I absolutely loather her, if I'm honest and I loathe her with Teddy in fics in general) and even though there are some similarities, she's a very comfortable character to read about without making me want to rip my hair out.

I love that you've got her involved with a job like the DCB because this really sets in her true character and categorises her differently so that's she's not the self-absorbed Fleur pre-war that she's been stuck with. I love the job in itself, because from what I've read on the forums you made the DCB yourself and for that I must commend you. :) I like that Victoire has a sense of familiarity and that there's connections to the other employees. I particular adore that you've given Lavender substance - this is really the icing on the cake for me, its just fab how you've changed characters (Seamus, too) so much from their teenage selves and really shown their growth in later life.

I like the whole Teddy/Vic thing at the end where they're comfortable around each other enough that Ted doesn't need to know everything straight away and doesn't make a big deal or badgers her - the perfect bloke, really, too bad he's not real. :(

Really good chapter again! :D xxx

Author's Response: I agree about Victoire - I tend to really dislike her in a lot of fics, too, because, as you said, people seem to like to write her as a more shallow and obnoxious version of school-age Fleur. I never liked that, and I like to think that my Victoire is different from the usual overdone cliches. :) I'm probably the most pleased with her characterisation of all of the characters I've written, so it always makes me super happy when people compliment it. :)

I'm glad you like the addition of Lavender! I've gotten a mixed response about that - some people think that Lavender getting involved with the DCB seems really out of character, while some really like it. Once I started writing fanfiction, though, I knew exactly where I wanted Lavender's character to go after the war, and it was here.

Thank you so much for the review! :)


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Review #39, by Cirque Du Freak Werewolf Capture

12th February 2012:
I really like this so far! I think its a really good way to start a story and its very compelling as well. You've got the premise all set out and you give the reader the right amount of information to start it off to make it alluring and you've done the job fabulously well!

I think I particularly enjoyed this because I've been getting back into the whole mystery/crime genre and I've been wanting to read a bit more career-centred fics too.

Anyway, I also like how you've included a Muggle in this to start it off, because it was such a great way to grab the reader's attention and you wouldn't really expect to see Muggles in these type of fics no matter how canon it really is in terms of Greyback and other wolves having looked for food in general rather than discriminating between blood.

So far so good! :D xxx

Author's Response: I actually spent a lot time deliberating over what to make the first chapter of the story, because I wanted to make it intriguing while still fitting well within a narrative. I'm very glad to hear that you felt like I was successful!

Thank you so much for your review. :)


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Review #40, by lily_evans_ginny_weasley A Late Night Visit

7th February 2012:
Ah, Dom and Teddy clash. Hard for Victoire when two people she loves don't get along so well. They fight a realistic amount though; it's not too extreme, they're just not exactly friends, which I find believable.

I LOVE this Lavender! Even though we haven't seen THAT much of the personality you've given her, she is infinitely cooler than she was in the books!

And Victoire sure seems to be coping pretty well at this point, but I guess she might have a bit of a freak out soon? Loved this chappie - your characters and plot are all very believable, and very very likeable :D Thanks!

Author's Response: Oh, I'm really glad that you like this Lavender! I put a lot of thought into the careers I wanted everyone in Harry's year to go into, and I knew that I wanted Lavender to end up in Dangerous Creatures. People dismiss her because of the Won-won incident, but I think that she had a lot of potential - I mean, she did join the DA and help round up the skrewts, clearly she had something going on! :P

I tend to think of my Victoire as being the sort of person who is very, very good at putting on an act of stability. The act is definitely about to hit a serious roadblock in the next chapter, though, which will hopefully be up soon. :)

Thank you so much for the review. I really appreciate it.


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Review #41, by Hope's Mom A Late Night Visit

5th February 2012:
I usually avoid anything with a dark/horror tag however I noticed today that you had written this story. I really like "Curiousity" and your newer story about Lily so I decided to give this one try. I really like it. I like the honesty and love in Ted and Victoire's relationship. Dom is a hoot. I, like Teddy, would be less than amused by a 3 am visit from one of my siblings! Harry is in an awkward position. Victoire's parents will have a fit (understandably). Lavender really does get Victoire's worry. Hopefully Victoire will let her help if she needs it. Thank you for another great story!

Author's Response: Thank you for another lovely review! I really appreciate them all - you're so sweet, and I'm glad you're enjoying my stories so much! It makes me feel really terrific as a writer. :)

I'm actually in the middle of writing the scene with Victoire's parents now, and it's a lot of fun. I usually get nervous writing major canon characters because of OOC-ness, but I'm less worried right now because we never knew Bill or Fleur all that well in the books and it's been a long time since then.

Thank you again, and I hope you continue to enjoy this. :)


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Review #42, by Faith100z The Aftermath of the Forest

2nd February 2012:
Wow, this is a really good plot idea. Something different from all the Teddy/Victoire fics that are just fluff. Not that a little fluff isn't a good thing sometimes. :) I also like how you write Teddy in this fic, a good combination of both his parent's personalities. Please, please, please update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! :)

Chapter 5 is in the queue now, and should hopefully be validated in the next day or two. I hope you enjoy it!


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Review #43, by TheProphecy The D.C.B.

29th January 2012:
Hello!

Reviewing the second chapter and if you want the other two reviewed then go ahead and re-request :) I don't know if this will be as detailed as the other one, but I tend to ramble so we'll see what happens.

Generally I thought you did this chapter nicely, it was well-structured and had a good plot as well as introduced Victoire quite nicely. I thought you definitely have a strong idea of what is going on here. I liked your development of emotions and thought processes, because sometimes people can rush them a bit and I thought you did quite nicely in keep reactions realistic and in character.

Characterisation - I liked how you characterised Victoire, she seems very strong and independent and I thought you did a whole lot better with her characterisation then Rachael in the chapter before. But again, remember to make sure the reader can sympathise with her. I would suggest maybe accentuating the gravity of the Werewolf situation to the reader, showing what it means to Victoire a bit more. As for the other characters, the 'minor' ones I suppose, I like what you did with them all. Teddy was nice, despite the little you saw of him as was her work-mates. I found them all fairly humerous, as was Victoire's perspective of them.

Grammar/Punctuation/etc. - Again, I wont pretend to be an expert in this field but I couldn't spot any glaring mistakes (don't take my word for it) Although your last sentence, "she had a sudden feeling that everything was going to work out in the end." I felt rather then 'a feeling' it would be better to say 'the feeling.' but, that could just be me and I just felt it would make a little more sense like that.

Plot- I think I spoke a little about plot earlier and I think you, again, managed to advance the story and my curiosity without revealing what you're doing with the whole story. I think this is an excellent skill to have and I really hope you continue with that where possible. The ending of the chapter was nice, it was great to see you developing on the Victoire/Teddy relationship and I like the idea of the Werewolf problem they're having.

Other - As for description and interest I can't say much more then I did in the previous review!

I hope these were helpful - like I said at the beginning feel free to re-request for the other two chapters and I will cheerfully do them. You've got a great start to a story here and I wish you good luck with it.
Hannah (TheProphecy)

Author's Response: Yeah, I think that I did a better job with Victoire because I know (and care) about her as a character a lot more - I've written a lot of Victoire fics, and nothing that centered around Rachael. I do understand what you mean with showing a bit more of her emotional reaction to the werewolves, though, and when I get the chance, I'll absolutely go through and edit that a bit. :)

You were definitely very, very helpful - thank you so much for leaving such an in-depth review. I really appreciate it.


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Review #44, by TheProphecy Werewolf Capture

28th January 2012:
Hi!
I'm here with your requested review, sorry this took so long, I've had exams and life just got in the way. Alas! I am here now my fellow writer and thou shall get the review thoust deserves!

Okay! So, for an opening chapter it was nicely written, there was a good structure and it was a nice way to introduce Rachael. You had an event which sparked curiosity and that is always a good way to start with first chapters and know they can be notoriously difficult. (Now I'm just going to go through the components I generally talk about separately)

Characterisation - You obviously have an Idea of who Rachael is in your head and you've tried to convey that without actually pointing things out to us, which is good - it's a technique writers find difficult. But, I feel her character needs to come through a little stronger because I found it hard to connect with her on a personal level (this might just be me), I could understand her - but I didn't particularly sympathise with her, so just be aware of that!

Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling - Bane of my existence, honestly. Everything seemed more or less okay - just be aware of your comma use - maybe use Semi-colons every now and again, it might help with the fluidity of your sentence structure :)

Plot - Like I said at the beginning it's a nice start and a good way to introduce the plot - I thought it was a very nice touch Catherine being a Muggle etc. I liked the fact it started off the plot and sparked curiosity but it didn't immediately tell you what the rest of the story was going to be about, so well done.

Other - You asked me to talk about description and interest in your request so I'll do that here. With description I felt you did fairly well with that - every now and again maybe a little more. I mean we don't care about the colour of the curtains (unless it's relevant) but it's just the little things that apply to the character you're writing - the description has to generally be what is A) Important to the reader's interest and B) What is important to the character's interest. As for interest I think I already talked about the 'spark of curiosity' now all we need is a little excitement to fuel that curiosity!

I hope this was helpful and I'll do the next chapter as soon as a I can. Real life intrusions again.
Hannah (TheProphecy)

Author's Response: Oh, no problem - I've been there myself with RL being really busy lately, so I completely understand.

I can see what you mean about Rachael. I think that part of my difficulty was that I skated over her a bit because she's only the PoV for the first chapter, and after that it's Victoire. I'm going to go back when I get the chance to hopefully add in a bit more detail and a little more that will help the reader connect with her.

Thank you so much for the review. :) I really appreciate it!


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Review #45, by I AM HEDWIG The Aftermath of the Forest

21st January 2012:
amazingly amazing, written very well. would you by any chance be writing any more?

Author's Response: I'm actually finishing up chapter 5 now! :)

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Review #46, by lily_evans_ginny_weasley The Aftermath of the Forest

5th January 2012:
Teddy's anger in this chapter was incredibly realistic. All the emotions they're experiencing are realistic. I don't know if it's weird that I notice Teddy's reaction, rather than Victoire's, but you wrote it really well.

The whole situation is so so scary, though. I feel so bad for Victoire. I'm so glad Teddy and Victoire's relationship is as good as ever, though. They are so in love and I hope they stay happy, even if other bad things are happening in their lives.

Thanks for this so far, looking forward to more!

Author's Response: Yay! I'm really glad that you think that they both come off as realistic, Teddy's anger in particular, because I know it's a pretty radical departure from how he's been portrayed thus far. (Though seriously, if you're not going to freak out in this situation, what exactly does it take?)

I'm finishing up chapter 5 now - depending on when what I have in the queue now is validated, it'll probably either be chapter 5 of this or chapter 5 of A Light That Never Goes Out that'll get put in next. :)

Thank you so much for your review(s)! I really love seeing the same person review multiple stories, because it makes me feel really awesome as a writer. :)


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Review #47, by DracoFerret11 The Aftermath of the Forest

29th December 2011:
Hey there! It's me again.

This was legitimately the best chapter of the story so far. You took the time to get in the right details and that made everything fit together really, really well.

Characterization here was splendid. I adore how you portrayed Teddy especially. I love that he's composed around Victoire 'cause he knows it'll freak her out if he flips out, but he's still himself about it. He's not fake. And I loved their interaction. It was all very sweet and well-played. Not too cheesy or too off-putting. That was good. Harry was great too. I liked his dialogue a lot. For some reason, I was imagining him with a beard, hahaha. He just seemed so...refined. XD Great job!

I like that you're drawing out the suspense of whether or not it's an actual bite. That keeps readers interested (though it's way more likely that she HAS been bitten, since if she hadn't...where would the story be?). Well done.

Description was much better in this chapter, but still not quite enough. This sentence: "Now she could see real fear blossoming in his face in his eyes, in the way his lips were parted, in the slight crease between his eyebrows." was very good, but the rest of the chapter dwindled a bit. The emotions were well described, but the scene and characters still weren't.

I'm quite fond of your story so far. I think you've been writing it really well and I think it has the potential to get even better. Keep up the good work and thanks for requesting reviews!

--Emily

Author's Response: Oh, good. I was really nervous about this chapter - on one hand, I liked it, but on the other, I was a bit nervous about my portrayal of Harry, and I definitely didn't want the entire thing to come across as cheesy, you know?

Thank you so much for your reviews. You've really given me a lot to think about and some great direction for editing. :)


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Review #48, by DracoFerret11 The Full Moon

28th December 2011:
Well this was a short chapter...hmmm.

Okay, anyhow, I think you did well here. I liked the way you jump straight into the main issue, even though it seemed almost rushed...I felt like you definitely could have brought this to life with some more descriptions. You did well when you were mentioning the werewolves snarling in the bushes and how scared Victoire was, but there could have been a lot more. How is the dark affecting her perceptions? Describe the noises more. Where precisely are they? Why aren't they wearing armor of some sort to protect themselves? And why is everyone split up rather than staying together? Just some ideas there. Also, we still don't know what anyone looks like.

I think you wrote the moment where Victoire realizes she's been bitten well, though it was completely unclear that she ever came in contact with the wolf. The emotions there were very good though. I think I HAVE heard this plot before, though, where Victoire is with Teddy and becomes a werewolf. I'll see where you take it. :] Hopefully you can avoid cliches.

I liked this chapter a lot, though it did seem a little rushed. To improve it, I would add more descriptions and a more solid lead-in, if I were you. I think you're doing great though! Keep up the good work! On to chapter four...

--Emily

Author's Response: Yeah, I definitely want to go in and add a bit more description in - this was my first major action scene, I think, and I had a bit of a hard time with it. I deliberated for awhile over whether to make this the first chapter, and you're right, a bit of a better lead-in would help the story a lot. :)

Again, though, I'm not a huge fan of going into detailed physical descriptions of characters - I just feel like unless the story is being told in a particular tone, it often comes across poorly.

Thank you so much for your feedback. Again, I really appreciate it! :)


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Review #49, by DracoFerret11 The D.C.B.

28th December 2011:
Me again!

So, great second chapter here! I absolutely love the way the story is progressing. You have something good here, I can tell.

Originality-wise, you know I haven't read any stories with this concept, so again...I can't comment, but here are the thoughts that I do have:

I'm very fond of the way the different characters interact, though I'm confused as to why Lavender of all people would choose to work such a rough-and-tumble job as bringing in/killing dangerous creatures. Seamus, I can see doing that, but I feel like Lavender might be a little bit of a stretch. Though I suppose she could've changed after the Battle of Hogwarts...

Anyhow: good characterization all around. Severe lack of description though. At the beginning of the chapter, it wasn't bad, but we still have no idea what anyone looks like and there wasn't much in the way of describing the surroundings or feelings of people. Like...was the office cramped during the meeting? Was it hot? Was Victoire feeling worried? Or just thinking things weren't that serious? You know what I mean?

Other than that, great job. Love how things are going. :D I'll keep you posted as I read!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hmm. I find it interesting that you think Lavender is such a strange choice, because while I do see her as having changed after the Battle of Hogwarts (I'm actually writing a story about it), I don't think she needed to change that much to get into tracking down dangerous creatures. This is the girl who stayed outside to help round up the blast-ended skrewts rather than hide in Hagrid's hut with nearly everyone else, and she definitely expressed an interest in magical creatures in general. I don't know; I personally see Lavender as being a pretty brave, active person.

Anyway. Yes, I absolutely know what you mean, and that's exactly what I was worried about. I tend to avoid giving detailed descriptions of what people look like, because I often dislike the way it comes across, but I do need to look at the office again.

Thank you so much. :) I really appreciate the feedback!


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Review #50, by DracoFerret11 Werewolf Capture

28th December 2011:
Hullo there! This is DarkRose from the forums with your set of reviews that you requested a few weeks ago. I'm sorry I'm so slow getting around to things!

So...here goes:

I think you've started off a very interesting story here. I've personally never read a werewolf-centric story before, though I know they've been done. So I'm not sure I'll be helpful on whether or not it's cliche or overdone, but I'll give you my honest opinion along the way and hopefully that'll help.

For an opening chapter, I liked this. You have solid characterization with the people you've introduced and it'll be interesting to see where they go from here. The plot idea seems intriguing and I really am interested in seeing what happens next.

There wasn't much in the way of description in this chapter. So readers aren't sure what any of your characters look like or what the setting is, but perhaps it's not important information. It would just help readers visualize better, you know? :]

So, not too much to talk about plot-wise yet, but I like where it's going. I'll let you know how I'm feeling at the end of the next chapters and all the others you have up. We'll see how it goes! I'm excited to read, so on to chapter two!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hey! Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your review - I was a little busy.

It's definitely hard for me sometimes to walk the line regarding description. On one hand, I feel like slowing down to go into a lot of depth inevitably makes the story flow slower. That's not necessarily a bad thing - some of my favorite writers on the archives do that - but it does change the tone. However, I also know that not having enough description does take away a bit from the story. I've been struggling a lot with that, so I really, really appreciate your input. :)

Thank you so much for your review!


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