Reading Reviews for Charmed
47 Reviews Found

Review #26, by ThePhoenix17 In which there is a disturbance

15th August 2011:
Hello there!

For your first story in the archive, this is bloody amazing! I had to delete my first story due to an overwhelming feeling of shame! Don't you ever do that, though! I quite like where this story is headed!

I really enjoyed Andy's narrative voice, though things got a bit scrambled at times! That is how the mind is anyways! I really liked how you jus sort of jumped into the story and didn't drag out a long, intense, dull introduction. Bravo!

Off to read the next!

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the review - and yes, my goal here is to write a story that I will not be entirely embarrassed by in a year ;) Unfortunately, as much as I and my commando editing team try to unscramble some of my writing, it stays all tangled up :P

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Review #27, by Atomic In which things end

13th August 2011:
Heya, it's Atomic again!

I would like to say that this is another lovely chapter!! I enjoyed getting to know Andy and Co's personalities better. You're very good at keeping them in character, the same goes for the canons too.

I was a little disappointed that we didn't get to see Andy's date, but you at least gave us the highlights of it and it seemed lovely. I will honestly say I'm excited to see where this relationship with Stephen goes. I want to know whether Sirius was being, well, serious or not about Stephen being bad news.

I also adore that you made him a Ravenclaw, I hate reading stories where everyones in the same house. You definitely made things interesting.

I wish I could find something to critique for you, but I honestly can't! Your OCs are entertaining, you're doing a great job with characterization, and the flow seems pretty good too. It might be a tad bit fast, but it's really hard to tell since this is only the beginning of your story. Feel free to re-request reviews when you get more written! I've absolutely loved reading your story, it's so well written!


Author's Response: Thank you! I'm a little disappointed that I couldn't make the date scene work, too. I wrote it out for myself for characterization purposes, but it's very rough and kind of unnecessary (Stephen is just a dynamic character, if you know what I mean). I'm writing the next couple chapters now and I'm still shying away from Andy/Stephen interaction.

I will definitely rerequest, and thank you again! :)

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Review #28, by Atomic In which there is a disturbance

13th August 2011:
Heya, it's Atomic from the Forums, replying to your review request!

This is a great beginning to a story!! Your character Andy made me laugh multiple times and your portrayal of James and Sirius is dead on.

I love the fact that you added in other original characters as well, even though I did get a bit confused when I suddenly had a ton of new names in the conversation. I think that has more to do with me reading too fast than it does with your writing though. I was able to get a quick grasp on each character's personality, which is a really refreshing change for reading OCs. So far, you're definitely doing a good job with characterizing your OCs.

The only thing I might comment on is the perspective of your story; it's pretty unusual to find a novel length fic written in first person, and it might cause you problems later since most novels are written in third person. I'm usually not too big a fan of first person, but you've done a great job with it! If it works for you, don't change it.


Author's Response: Hey there! :) Thanks for responding so quickly - and for your comments. I'm glad that you liked my OCs (they're my favourite part of the story, tbh), and I do hope that that can be blamed on your reading too fast (I've always had worries about pace, so this is a relief. Don't like my plot? Nope, you must be reading it wrong ;)).

The point you make about perspectives is very, very valid. The thing is, though, I always feel like with any main character OC I should write in first person (there will be some third person later on, when it's NOT seen through Andy's eyes). It's already made some tense problems, grammar-wise, for me, but I'm planning on sticking with it.

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Review #29, by Cleopatraa In which things end

12th August 2011:
Like your other chapter I liked the fact this one also immediately started with action and it also made me very curious to what kinda news she could have had. I liked the fact that Slughorn is tutoring one of the students because of that students famous grandfather and Lily tried to attempt to teach her but that she still doesn’t understand it. It seems like a very Lily thing to me, helping one of her friends and all. I like the fact your main character wants to continue history of magic it seems like a very interesting subject but it just has a very very boring teacher.

“"Stephen Dorcas."“Bit of an unfortunate name, really,” Evie snorted.” This actually made me laugh I didn’t notice it before to be honest with you will I have seen the name before this story so well done on that! Why do I have the feeling he’s actually using her for something? If you know what I mean I hope this feeling turns out to be wrong for her. Also I like the fact your character doesn’t despise Sirius but just finds him annoying. You don’t see that a lot!
Cleopatra ( Slytherin)

Author's Response: That's all SO good to hear - I'm really happy that it's coming off as realistic and in canon and so on. Also I'm glad you laughed! :D And you'll have to stay tuned to find out about Stephen, won't you? :P

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Review #30, by Cleopatraa In which there is a disturbance

12th August 2011:
For your FIRST story, this was like really good!! This is incredible! I like the fact you didn’t have that a boring introduction chapter but that you rather jumped immediately into action which rather uncommon by marauders fics ( The ones I read atleast) I also liked the fact that she was studying most writers forget that Hogwarts is first of all a school and in a school students do need to make their homework, do need to attend class and do need to study. So I liked that you did that seeing as most use Hogwarts to only meet their perfect boyfriend/soulmate.
I liked the fact she escaped the common room so she could study the Gryffindor common room always seemed a bit rowdy to me. I liked the Potty comment it made me chuckle. I also liked it that your character has short-comings that she does fails things which is also very uncommon to see in fics! So well done! Now I’m hopping to the next chapter.
Cleopatra ( Slytherin)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review - and for the compliments. (:

And you know, about the studying at Hogwarts: I probably include too much homework and class time; I may be the only person who sees the glamour in that kind of thing (only when it's at Hogwarts, of course) ;)

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Review #31, by bee In which things end

10th August 2011:
i like this a lot you write all the characters really well :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for leaving a review, and for that :')

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Review #32, by LilyFire In which there is a disturbance

9th August 2011:
It's cute. I like it. The only think I was wondering about-I didn't think Prefects were allowed to take points? I think they can give out detentions, but to actually take points I think it has to be sever enough for a professor to do. I may be wrong though. Anyway, it's a pretty good start!
~LilyFire (Hufflepuff)

Author's Response: Thank you! Cute is what I aim for (alt music reference unintended)!

You know, I became very confused about the point-taking for a while - reading the series, Percy takes points away but in OotP someone (Ron?) mentions that Prefects CAN'T. So I did some research and saw that I have an older edition of OotP, and in newer versions it was changed when JK realized her mistake - and she's announced that yes, Prefects can take points (:

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Review #33, by innocentdreamers In which things end

30th July 2011:
Outstanding chapter! I love your story already and can't wait for it to be updated!

I like how it is less clique than most marauder fics,let alone sirius/oc fics. It seems very realistic. I love how Andy doesn't full out completely despise Sirius, just finds him irritating. It is very refreshing (:

Author's Response: Thanks so much! An update should be coming soon... but I'm going on vacation for a little while. And that's really great to hear! :)

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Review #34, by Deltaris In which things end

28th July 2011:
One little thing, you change Stephen's last name from Dorcas to Duke halfway through.

I loved this! We definitely got to see more of Andy and her friends, which I enjoyed. As an OC, she's already pretty well developed and ingrained in the lives of the canon characters.

"Needlessly, however, because it didn't seem like he remembered that one event anywhere near as well as I did."
-I'm very curious as to what even this is. From the last chapter, it didn't seem as though Andy and Sirius had any sort of history, unless some time has passed between the two that would've allowed something to happen. Anyway, it sets up what's bound to be an interesting dynamic between the two. Especially with her new boyfriend, and the Marauders not liking him.

I also liked Remus in this chapter, even if he played a really small role. Him smirking at Andy rolling her eyes is so something that he would do :)

The interaction between the girls getting ready for bed was amazing. My roommate and I would do the same thing every night last semester; just lie in bed and catch up on the day. Some of my fondest memories of her come from those late night chats.

Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out! This was unedited and un-beta'd at the time of publication.. oops. :)

This is REALLY embarrassing, but there's been a bit of a change in plot there. I'm a very disorganized person..

But thank you so much for the feedback. I'm so glad that the roommate thing is realistic - I was thinking about it and it seems ridiculous to consider that they wouldn't keep each other updated after living together for yearas on end. I'm so, so pleased that you like it :D

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Review #35, by Lil_Miss_James_Black In which there is a disturbance

20th July 2011:

Update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you! :D And hopefully I will. It took me a while to get inspired but the next chapter's going through the beta-ing process as we speak ;)

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Review #36, by goodbyetoyou In which there is a disturbance

19th July 2011:
hi, it's goodbyetoyou from the forum with your review ^_^ i really like this so far ^_^ i do agree with what you said, though, you jumped in a bit too fast. you don't entirely need an introduction chapter, but ease us into it character by character, it's a bit too fast paced right now and I can't really remember who was who. but it keep it up, it seems great and interesting, i really like andy so far ^_^

Author's Response: Thanks for offering to do this (and doing it, of course)! And for the compliments, as well - that's a self-esteem booster ;)

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Review #37, by wit_beyond_measure3 In which there is a disturbance

17th July 2011:
This looks really good. I see you made the changes we talked about! It goes really smoothly now. Excellent job!


Author's Response: Best beta ever ;D thank you so much for all your help!

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Review #38, by LuckySeven In which there is a disturbance

10th July 2011:
A Sirius/OC!?! Yummy! My favorite!
LuckySeven, here! One delightful review sandwich with extra crazy, coming up!
Before I start reading…
Titles: 9/10Charmed. I like it. It has one word wit! (I just rhymed!) In which:…oooh. I do love the ‘In which’ Chapter title format. Why? I have no idea. Who needs reasons? Not I! What bothers me is how the chapter title is not all capitalized. It should be; In Which Potty is Rejected. That’s an easy fix. I’m also confused about ‘Potty’, but maybe it’s relevant. I’ll get back to that after I’ve read. :D
Summaries: 10/10 I deeply appreciate when authors make the summary a scene from the story. It’s like when they hand out free cinnamon pretzel samples at the mall! It makes you hungry for more!…*ahem* I mean, it gives an idea of the way you write, and makes the reader want more. Because you’re just great that way!
Graphics: You don’t have any yet. (I understand. The story is new.) I am quite interested to see what they will be, if you get some.

My Comments, Done as I Read:

“I hunched low over my textbook, my nose almost touching the tiny print. I’d been rereading the same paragraph for five minutes now, and yet I was still unable to make any sense of it.”
-Yep. Been there, done that. I like the way that you start it off by making the character do something that makes her relatable to the reader. Well done. Onward!

“This was why I’d left the common room – for this blissful silence. This James Potter-less, Sirius Black-less environment, in other words.”
-This made me smirk. I heart those two.

““Evening, Thorpe,” Sirius said, without so much as glancing over his shoulder.”
-Feeling omniscient, today, eh? Gosh, it won’t matter what this character does, he will still be my favorite character (besides Dobby).

““You asked about your name,” he pointed out, a defiant sparkle in his eyes, “not your nickname.”
-That grin that Andy just talked about him making people have? I just had it. Nice.

““Right,” I replied awkwardly, looking back over my shoulder with a shadow of a smile.”
-Yes. I officially like your OC. *confetti*

““I don’t think I’m ready for this test,” Lily fretted helplessly over breakfast, “I didn’t have time to memorize half the definitions, and I don’t think I understand the theory of Aguamenti at all.”
-Channeling your inner Hermione, eh? ;) Lily, you are doomed to be characterized as a nerd, and for that I apologize. But it doesn’t stop me from enjoying it. Lol.

““Well, repeat that, will you? I’m going to write it on the sole of my shoe. It's an old Muggle trick.”
-This made me chuckle. It’s funny because it’s true.

““Not in my experience,” James Potter said, dropping into place beside Remus Lupin, who’d been eating in silence. I whimpered into my food.”
-Hehehe. I love the word whimpered.

-I’d like to point out that you’re characters are quite real-like. And funny. Congratulations!

“.“There’s a Hogsmeade weekend coming up, and you owe me a date.”
-I don’t need the chapter title to know that that one won’t work. Nice try, though, James.

“and gulped down a couple more mouthfuls of toast. It seemed we’d be leaving shortly.”
-I have to stop quoting stuff just because it’s funny, or I’ll exceed the max word count again. But…that was funny.

“the chances of me going out with you are lower than the chances of you saying ‘please’ when you ask.”
-Nice one! You rejected him AND told him why, making the whole thing an insult. Five points for Lily, for style.

“I will plant a false memory in the heads of everyone in this school so that you're known as 'Potty' for the rest of your days."
-And the use of the name Potty, is hereby accepted and excused, with a giggle.

““I was getting dangerously close to failing everything except Arithmancy,”
-You gave your character a short-coming. This means that you win!! You have slayed the Mary-Sue threat. (Not that I was worried). *confetti for you!*

-Your A/N: I hate intro chapters too. Thanks for jumping in. ;)

Well, I’ve exceeded the maximum word count again. Hehe. *grins sheepishly* So I’m going to PM the second half of this to you. J

To Be Continued!,

Author's Response: I'm going to cover everything in my reply, but let me just say that you are a WONDERFUL person.

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Review #39, by Slytherin_Ravenclaw_chick In which there is a disturbance

7th July 2011:
SlytherinRavenclawChick's Reveiw:

This is a very interesting chapter. It started out strong and continued through out the chapter. As a whole it is a great introduction and captivates the reader. The grammar and flow where good, and you did a fantastic job introducing characters. They seem real, relate-able, and fun. They story has promise and looks like it can be a good one. Though, the only concern was the interaction with Sirius. It seemed a little odd and out of place, maybe editing it slightly will help give it a better understanding. Or maybe even a little more interaction.

Otherwise I liked it. 9/10

Author's Response: Ahh thank you! I'll have a read over the Sirius/Andy scene and see what I can do to improve it.

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Review #40, by Deltaris In which there is a disturbance

7th July 2011:
You had me from the summary. I could tell that something had happened between Andy and Sirius before that moment, and I want to know so bad. But I like how there was no interaction between the two in this chapter. It feels like their relationship is going to build slowly, and I'm excited to see what they go through.

And this first chapter has very little action, but it's wonderful. You really put on display the OCs, and took the time to get me to know them before putting them into action.

Congrats on your first story, as well! I'm working on my first non-one shot story, so I know the nervousness and excitement you're going through. This was fantastic, can't wait for an update!

Author's Response: Ssh, quit being so smart ;) But yes, that is the plan - I don't want this just to be a romance, so I want to get the characters developing and all before I throw Andy into that sort of thing :)

Thank you so much for the review!

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Review #41, by Cadyn Black In which there is a disturbance

7th July 2011:
I think this shows great potential! Your writing is really good and the characters are already funny, kind, and memorable.

Something in your summary just grabbed at me, telling me that i had to read it.
So i can't wait to read more! Keep on writing please! :)


Author's Response: Eek you are so wonderful. Thank you so much for the feedback, it means a lot! :)

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Review #42, by WhatAboutRegulus In which there is a disturbance

7th July 2011:
This is a nice story! I likee it a lot! I want to see where it goes!!!

I noticed you are in need of a beta... I saw it on the forums, that's where I came across this little page turner. Tell me if you still need one!



Author's Response: Thank you! :D

And yes I am still very much in need of a beta! Please please please let me know if you're interested.

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Review #43, by ValFish In which there is a disturbance

6th July 2011:
I really, really like this so far! I'm interested to see where it goes. :) keep writing! 10/10

Author's Response: Ahh thank you so, so much! I'm interested to see where it goes, too ;) I haven't planned out much.

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Review #44, by V In which there is a disturbance

6th July 2011:
I like the start, update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm about ready to update :)

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Review #45, by BabbityRabbitylvr In which there is a disturbance

6th July 2011:
Keep writing, it's wonderful to follow so far...can't wait for more!
Banner time! (you don't nee a beta:)

Author's Response: THANK YOU! :D

I do need a banner, don't I.. I've put up a request on TDA and hopefully it'll be filled soon. I need a beta, too, though - you'd agree if you saw the state of my other chapters :P

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Review #46, by ice_cream1997 In which there is a disturbance

6th July 2011:
Really good story! First that I've enjoyed in agez!! :) Please update soon! I wanna see what happens later! :) Great story, you're a great author! :D

Author's Response: Thank you so, so much, this means a lot - especially since Charmed is my first fic :D I should update straight after the queue opens again, so watch this space ;)

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Review #47, by Ashburg7 In which there is a disturbance

5th July 2011:
I like your summary on the title page! Looking forward to reading more. :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I was worried about the summary :) And I'll update soon I think (I was a little uninspired but these reviews have cheered me up :P)!

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