Reading Reviews for Fleeting
  
35 Reviews Found

Review #26, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Sunlight

25th June 2012:
Hello! Deeds here with your review. Ah! I just love when you request because you always give me something I know I will definitely want to read. Neville/Hannah? My OTP! I'll warn you, I'm very critical when it comes to them because they're my obsession. So this is what you wrote for your areas of concern:

Does the beginning hook you in? How's the flow, given the short length? Any other general comments would be great.

I'm going to try to answer everything here and hopefully add in a little bit more.

Let's get started!

Light, spilling in through our window like warm milk that comforts children at night. It weighs down my eyelids and seeps into my skin, filling me up like a sunburst. The feeling makes me want to explode, a bouquet of flowers erupting forth into life and love right next to him.

Does the beginning hook me in? Yes. I love the description right here. How itís kind of very abstract and I love the emotion. When I get to sunburst and 'explode' a smile appeared on my face. I could feel the love and that's all I ever want to feel when I read Hannah/Neville. The imagery...the light, the warm milk, the sunburst, the flowers. Everything just fits together and flows wonderfuly. Every just exudes love and comfort. I feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

He is unexpectedly normal, and his grandmother always says that I will make the prettiest bride.

^ Okay. So I appreciate the fact that you mentioned his grandmother because a lot of people forget about poor Augusta. She was a big part of his life, she raised him and people seem to throw her away like nothing. I thank you for that.

He drank the substandard coffee at the Leaky Cauldron for a year before asking me out on a proper date, and then, six months after that, he moved into my tiny flat. He is still stealing my heart day by day with his stories about the Hogwarts Founders, which he reads in Hogwarts: A History on his breaks from teaching, and the ever-blooming flowers in our home.

I'm back tracking a little here because I just wanted to comment on the backstory you give them. It's very simple and fits well with the entire one-shot. I like that it's not dramatic and not over done. I read and write a lot of arm waving and declaration of love shouting that when I read this everything just slides together smoothly. I think the little things in this story is what makes it the best. How they're just in bed. The mention of the flowers, the past and a future. It's all very simple and normal and that's who your characters are.

I'm the worse reviewer. I swear. I never give you any critiques. You're just so comfortable in your writing style and it shows. How can I critique that?

Thanks so much for requesting! If you have any questions/concerns feel free to PM me.

- Deeds/Alyssa

Author's Response: Hi Deeds! Sorry this response took ages!

Okay, confession time - I was pretty much dying to request a review from you as soon as I put this in the queue. I'm so glad you liked it!! :)

I'm happy that the warm metaphors and imagery worked for you - I meant for it to read just like I put it in there, like a flood of happiness and fluff. I wanted to capture that half-awake feeling I have when I get up, swaddled in covers and remnants of sleep.

Augusta should definitely not be thrown away. I imagine that she and Hannah would have quite an interesting relationship, really.

I wanted things to read as being under-dramaticized (is that a word?) and subtle and simple, and it seems like that's exactly what came across, so that's just lovely.

Hey, I love getting reviews with no critiques :) Seriously, though, you're super sweet. Thanks!

-Amanda


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Review #27, by forsakenphoenix Sunlight

24th June 2012:
I swear every time I read something new by you, it's like your talent has grown tenfold since the last chapter. I'm really quite impressed at how much you've grown as an author and how comfortable you seem with your writing style. It's beautiful to watch. But not as beautiful as this fic.

The opening scene, the imagery there was so, so pretty. The warm milk and the sunlight. It was just so light.

I'm not a big fluffy, contented type of reader but this was perfect. I'm left feeling all warm and fuzzy. I love the small details about Neville and Hannah's relationship, how Neville won her with simplicity. That's seriously one of my favorite lines in a fic and I don't know why. You've encompassed their relationship in one line, basically. Every moment, every milestone, is just so normal, you know? I love how Neville spent almost a year until he worked up the courage to ask her out on a date.

I also really liked Hannah when she was questioning when she stopped being a seventh year. I mean, really, where has the time gone?! That one line was an effective way to point out to your readers that they aren't students anymore and I think it helped prepare me for the end, with the ring box (and oh, that was so precious, the way he rolls over, following her scent, gahh). Also, her disdain for waking early, for Neville leaving the comfort of her bed and her arms to go teach...I can't get over how perfectly I can imagine everything and it's just so gorgeously written.

I really loved this, if you couldn't tell. You need to explore more underloved ships like this one and I will gobble up your writing like a... well, I could come up with some cheesy simile, but I'll let your mind come up with something more creative. Just know that I adore you and you must never stop writing!

Author's Response: Hi! So this response has taken ages. Sorry!

I never do fluff, it seems, and it's a shame, because this was fun and a nice departure from the rest of the stuff on my angst-filled page. (I sense you can empathize there, a bit. I'd kind of love to see you do fluff. TANGENT.)

Yep, normal is what I was going for here. They're just another wizarding couple, just like everyone else, and yet they're survivors of something so incredible and heartbreaking. I feel like 'normal' is just what they need.

I think I might come back to Hannah and Neville later on, and I'm definitely thinking that more fluff and more underloved ships are in my future. (Lately, Scorpius/Lily has been pulling at me. Need to finish my novels first!)

Thanks so much for this sweet review :)

-Amanda


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Review #28, by caoty Sunlight

24th June 2012:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review. I'm going to say I don't usually read a lot of straight-up fluff, though, so I might not be much use.

The beginning, with your heavy use of imagery to describe the sunlight - which would, by the way, degenerate into purple prose at the hands of a lesser writer - is 'aww that's lovely', and then you realise that it's pathetic fallacy, which brings it up to 'brilliant'. It's extremely poetic. In fact, I think this fic as a whole could be converted into a poem very well. (That's a compliment, by the way.)

It's the little details that make this piece as good as it is, though. Neville's growing tummy, the seven minutes, the flowers everything about Delilah; there's a beauty in the small things, which you show well in this fic, and it adds to this overall sense of warmth and contentment you get from Hannah.
(Although, by the way, Macmillian has only one capital M. I'm pedantic, I know.)

I have a couple of tiny little critiques for you:
the soft, pale skin that coats my shoulder
was a little bit creepy, because it set me off on a tangent of imagining Hannah's skin being painted on the muscle and fat and so on. On a more serious note, I also think it could be interpreted as being a little bit narcissistic.
In addition, I'm not sure how surprised Hannah would be to learn that Neville is mostly normal - after all, she was in his year at Hogwarts, and therefore most of the time knew him as a forgetful, shy guy.
I don't think either of these things are too terrible, though, and I'm not sure that the second one isn't just my headcanon getting in the way.

The ending is just the most beautiful thing. The way you've introduced the ring as on the same level as one of those small details which make Hannah and Neville's relationship what it is, is fantastic, and a perfect ending to this lovely fic.

It was definitely a pleasure to read, and put a smile on my face, so well done. :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for coming by, and I'm really sorry that I've taken so long to respond to this.

Whoa, that is high praise - thank you! I always work hard on my imagery, and it was fun to play with the metaphor of sunshine and warm food for such a light, airy sort of piece.

Thanks for catching that about Ernie's name. I'm glad that most of the detail worked for you, though. The details are probably my favorite thing about writing.

Ooh, creepy is not what I wanted to convey, so thanks for pointing that out. (I think I was still thinking of the food metaphor, like she was a cake. Gosh, that is a bit creepy!) I think you've made good comments about Hannah's perception of Neville, too - I think I was thinking more from the mindset of her watching him pick up the sword of Gryffindor and slaughter Voldemort's pet snake, of his strong, defensive words at the final battle. Still, he should come off as a normal guy.

Thanks so much for this lovely review :)

-Amanda


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Review #29, by luvdobby26 Sunlight

23rd June 2012:
Hello, hidden_secrets, here with your requested review :) This was a very nice one-shot. Short and sweet, my favourite! I love N/H fics, they're so sweet and this one was just bril!

Right, lets start with the stuff you were concerned about:

The beginning does hook you, and I really liked the whole thing about warm milk that comforts children at night, it was amazing, and a brilliant description!

Flow - This flows very nicely, even though the story is so short. You really shouldn't have been worried :)

Now onto the other areas:

Plot - Well, since the story was so short, I can't really comment on this, but it was still very interesting :)

Description - The description in this story was beautiful! You really are amazing at describing! Some of the things you described and the way you described them were truly amazing!

Charcterisation - Again, because this was so short I can't really comment on but you seemed to do a nice job with Hannah :)

Writing - The writing was beautiful, slightly messy in places but mostly a clean read. Well done!

Grammar - there was no grammar mistakes that I could see :D

Overall - overall, I very nicely written one-shot, that really hooks you from the start! Very well done, I hope you request more reviews from me :D

9/10 Well done xx

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for coming by, and I'm sorry this response has taken so long :)

I'm really glad that you liked most of the piece, and I'm sure I'll be back to request again soon. (I kind of wish you had been more specific about what came off as 'messy', but no matter, I'm glad most of it was okay!)

Thanks again for this kind review!

-Amanda


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Review #30, by StormThief17 Sunlight

23rd June 2012:
Hi, StormThief here!

The beginning certainly does hook me in! The description of the light is very vivid. In fact, all of your descriptions are very strong! They set a good tone for the story.

The flow is also fine. You were able to go through a couple of years in the blink of an eye without losing anything! I think this is a great relationship to explore and you did it very well. I would like to see more of Neville's character, but I can see you wrote this to be 500 words exactly so I guess that wouldn't work...

Anyway nice job! Its a very engaging couple of paragraphs!

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry this response has taken so long!

Ooh, great! I tried to focus on the imagery in the beginning to really build the scene, and it's great that it all worked well for you.

I was naturally a little worried about the flow because of the brevity of this piece, but I'm happy that you liked it. I may return to Neville and/or Hannah in the future, so stay tuned!

Thanks for your kind review :)

-Amanda


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Review #31, by TenthWeasley Sunlight

20th June 2012:
I adore this challenge -- it's by and large one of my favorite things about the forums, this challenge. Okay, so that might be a slight exaggeration -- but it never fails that when I read a story somebody's written for it, it turns out that the story is pretty much exceptional.

Not that I would have doubted a story from you would have been so lovely, but even this exceeded the very high standards I've come to hold your writing to. You have a beautiful way with words and descriptions, and from that very opening comparison about light and warm milk, I was hooked. The entire story had a gorgeously warm and soft and buttery feel to it, and truly I'm just sitting here soaking it in now. ♥

The thing that's best about this, though -- Neville and Hannah are just so normal and relatable and I am so, so impressed at your characterization of the pair of them. You've made them people in a place populated by characters and that's no mean feat. Hannah's thoughts about early rising, and about time slipping by (when did all my favorite characters grow old?) are just so real.

I loved this -- you write so, so beautifully. I'm almost sorry this isn't a longer piece, but massive congratulations on getting this to exactly 500 words! (More or less difficult than you thought?) Seriously, Amanda. This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us!

Author's Response: Jane! This response has taken ages. I'm sorry.

I agree, I love this challenge. The pieces submitted for it are pretty much never boring. I think 'buttery' is definitely a good way to conceptualize the feel I wanted this to have, something warm and comforting.

I'm really glad that both Neville and Hannah seemed on point to you, and that they felt relateable, as you said, in a large cast of characters. Getting it to 500 actually wasn't so bad - I only had to quickly edit it a couple of times before it came in at the right count.

Thanks so much for your very kind review :)

-Amanda


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Review #32, by Lisa Sunlight

20th June 2012:
Hello. Great story! I've never read one with Neville before, not that I don't love him. This was very passionate for only 500 words, you really did an amazing job!

Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for stopping by!

I've never written Neville before either, but I've always found him interesting, and it was fun to divert a little and do something kind of fluffy and sweet since I write dark angst so often. I'm very glad that you enjoyed this :)

Thanks for your sweet review!


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Review #33, by WitnesstoitAll Sunlight

20th June 2012:
So, I saw the link to this in your status and thought, "huh, I'll have to read that some time tomorrow." But then I hear how cute it was and couldn't resist giving it a quick read before I signed off for the night.

Omg. This was so cute. Everything about this moment was so perfect and sweet and (to steal the title of the one-shot) fleeting. Neville Longbottom always has a way of stealing my heart, and I adore reading things when he and Hannah are well written -- and oh my were they well written here.

I almost can't believe how short this was, you managed to capture quite a lot in these few words... and that is quite the accomplishment! I loved the description and pretty much everything. The bit about Neville asking Hannah to the Ball just after Ernie had was brilliant.

Gah. So much cuteness, you'll have to excuse all the rambing in this review.So well written... it makes me wish you wrote more of them.

xoxo
Melissa

Author's Response: Oh, my, who did you hear from? Haha. I'm glad you came by, though, and I apologize that this response has taken so long.

Neville is quite the little prince, isn't he? I had never tried them before, and had been tempted by it for quite a while, so I just did. I'm so glad that the characterization, imagery and plot worked for you, even considering the brevity of the piece. I might just have to return to fluffy Hannah/Neville later on :)

Thanks again for this sweet review!

-Amanda


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Review #34, by Toujours Padfoot Sunlight

20th June 2012:
BAWW AMANDA, THIS IS SO CUTE.



Such a light, lovely, loving one-shot, and you used the perfect characters for this tone, and vice versa. Neville is so amazing, and to have this brief insight into his life with Hannah made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Their life feels so happy, with the daffodils and him reading Hogwarts: A History and how she doesn't want him to wake up because then he'll have to leave. They're such a cute couple.

The first paragraph, by the way, is homg, so gorgeous. It's the perfect description of giddy, wonderful love. You really nailed it.

:)

Author's Response: SARAH :D I know - the fluff, the fluff! I write so much darkness, and the fluff is dangerous. It's so addictive. -clings desperately to her angst-

I'm so glad the description worked for you and that you enjoyed the lightness of this little piece.

Thanks for your sweet review :)

-Amanda


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Review #35, by ariellem Sunlight

20th June 2012:
I'M FIRST! FIRST IN MINE!

Unfortunetly in some strange turn of events no matter how many times I logged in I couldn't actually leave a review.

So I love Neville/Hannah, I think they are grossly unappreciated, and this one-shot just proves my point of how great they are, I mean this

Oh, Neville. I am your savior, too.

and

He waited patiently, and he won me with simplicity.

and

He is unexpectedly normal, and his grandmother always says that I will make the prettiest bride.

This was amazing! :)

Author's Response: Hi! :) Sorry this response has taken ages!

Neville/Hannah is cute, and I've been wanting to try my hand at them for a while. I imagine I'll be back sometime in the future to write a longer story. I'm glad you liked this little one-shot, and thanks for your kind review :)

-Amanda


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