Excellent! Great to see Liam back, and a most intriguing chapter to return with. I love the sense of politics and double-dealing within the Slytherin hierarchy and the subtle references to the mystery of the Dragon wand. I look forward to the rest of the story!Author's Response: I'm so glad you're pleased. I appreciate all your comments, even when you give me a hard time, but I love to hear when I have it right. Next time, the Dragon returns, and we go deeper into the dream! The chapter is up and awaiting approval . . . Report Review
I was hoping I'd have some more reading material today! :)
Good job hun.
RipleyAuthor's Response: Thanks for reading and posting! That was a fun chapter to write. Morwena is an intense, spooky girl. I enjoyed running the narration through her. Report Review
The plot thickens... I wonder what Cyrus has planned?
Anyhow, Premier League fact checking... no-one says "Manchester U". Not Ever. It's "Man United" or "United" or "Evil Empire". I could go on. Also, Arsenal only lost one further game between the 2-0 defeat to United and the Christmas in 2004, and "all through the summer" stretches things, as there are no league games May-August.
That, and "stationary" means "not moving". "Stationery" is stuff that you write on.
Fact checking over! I look forwards to the next bit...Author's Response: I looked up the Arsenal win streak on line, and then had a work colleague fill in the details for me. Obviously, his memories are a little foggy at this point . . . As I've mentioned before, I don't put nearly the polish into these chapters that I usually do, so little typos slip through . . . I'm glad you're enjoying the story. From here on, the plot becomes increasingly focused on the Dragon Wand storyline. I should have more chapters posted soon. Thanks always for reading - KJ Report Review
Ello hun :)
Its been a while since I've got on here but your story was the first I went to. You are doing amazingly well and I'm so happy you are still writing this story!
I am impatiently waiting the next chapter!
Ripley 10/10Author's Response: Ripley! I was beginning to worry about you. Thanks for checking in. . . I will have more posted soon, I promise. I just started Chp 24. Report Review
Good, good. The clock is ticking - glad we've got a sight of Cyrus' wand again. I have to say I'm not a big fan of romance fictions, but at the moment in here the balance is just about right between curiosities and developing the main plot, though as I say I am very much looking forward to seeing how the tale of the wand develops.
Some lovely little subtle touches in here - from the presence of Cedric's dragon around the Hufflepuff tree to the practical jokes from Archie and Eric: it's a good, well-rounded atmosphere that you've developed. Keep it up!Author's Response: This story meanders terribly, I know. Rock Stars, which I've just given a thorough editing, is much tighter (and shorter). There's so much that I want to fit in, and I'm coming up with new stuff all the time. The Mistletoe trap was in my head for months and months, but the dragon was spontaneous Serendipity . . . I try to use the phrase "Love Story" rather than "Romance" for what I write. Romances seem to follow a strict formula, while to my mind, every Love Story is different . . .Thanks again for reading and posting comments! Report Review
Go Liam! It's just too easy for some people, isn't it?
I've enjoyed the last few chapters; you're building a good depth to Liam's world and I like the subtleties about the Houses. I have to say I'm eager to find out more about Liam's magical tendencies, and the story of his and Cyrus' wands - looking forwards to the next bit!Author's Response: Finally, a review! It's been over a month since I'd heard from anyone, though I know people are reading . . . I'll be getting back to the wand storyline in a bit . . . the idea from the begining was that Liam would have a girlfriend from each House, and that the girls would all be very different from one another. I've been working in scenes for all of them in this book, but Sadie gets most of the attention early on. She's in the Hermione role, but she and Liam will have their romantic moments (though probably not in this book) . . . again, thanks for reading and posting. Spread the word, and Happy Christmas! Report Review
Not much more to say but "keep up the good work". I can never decide if it's worth leaving a review this short or not. Oh well, it's done now.
I look forwards to the next batch. Any more ideas for drawings to keep my mind occupied whilst we wait? Not that I'll get anything done now school's back, but ideas come in the strangest places...Author's Response: I love reviews, long or short . . . Draw whatever you'd like, and I'll post it. One of the characters, a scene from the story or a vista of the school or grounds. . . Thanks again for reading and posting comments. Fondly, KJ Report Review
Should I be feeling sympathy for Cyrus? I can't work out if I'm meant to be feeling that way, but I am. I probably shouldn't. Oh well. He doesn't make things easy for himself, does he? I bet he's an only child.
Unrelated, I've posted my attempt at a Madagscan Red on your FB page. Not sure I've quite got the crest right, and it is heavily Welsh-inspired, but that's cause I did it whilst I was in Snowdonia. I then got a hell of a shock the following day whilst I was sitting in Harlech Castle doing a sketch, when someone shouted out to their son, "Cyrus, come back..."Author's Response: Got your pic, and I think it's great. The boat is a little small, though. I was thinking more along the lines of a fishing trawler. . . Cyrus does get the short end of things, I will admit. I try to make him a miserable little brat. Yes, I was thinking too that he was an only child. Thanks again for everything. I've got to get back to writing more chapters soon. Report Review
Hey I was going to add you onto my fanfiction facebook...but I don't know what your fb is...:/ so if you want you can tell me and I'll add you as soon as I hear from you :)
RipleyAuthor's Response: You should be able to find me under "KJ Cartmell." Look for the pic of the Black Cat. I tried to paste the link in, but that is apparently not allowed. Thanks very much for everything! KJ Report Review
*screams* I cant wait for the next chapter!! Keep it up love!!
~RipleyAuthor's Response: It's not always easy to predict how my readers will respond to what I've written. But, it wasn't hard to imagine how these last few chapters would affect you, Ripley. You didn't disappoint me. Thanks again! KJC Report Review
Hey KJ :)
Oh man I loved this chapter(: That's all I've got to say...It was perfect!
~RipleyAuthor's Response: Thank you. I really do appreciate everything you write.
KJ - I love it. Very fair summation of boarding school life, but I do hope my lessons never turn out like Binns' bore-a-thons. In terms of Britishisms, the word "lad" generally gets used by 40+ adults when they're reminicising or youths talking about nights out. Philip wouldn't use it without being laughed at!
I have to admit that I've not really made any connections in terms of the characters' names that stuck in the mind (beyond thinking of Frasier when Fortney comes up)... Was that what you had in mind?
I am currently hiding away in North Wales with little more than my computer and sketchbook, so (armed with a booklet on the history of the Red Dragon) I am going to have a shot at putting together an attempt at the Madagascan Red!
SheriffAuthor's Response: As usual, I'm too subtle for my own good. Google some of these names and see what you come up with: Lara Guishar, Maurice Bendrix, Gordon Sumner and Edward DeVere. There's more, but I'll start you with those. Report Review
Hi there. I remember reading the Cat Story a few months ago and recalling that you were planning on another story based on Liam - somehow I managed to not notice the first 12 chapters. Not sure how that happened.
Needless to say, I think it's brilliant. I think my favourite genre is OC (and probably NextGen OC) that explores the wider HP-universe and particularly House loyalties - my current attempt is looking at what it means to be a Slytherin and a Hufflepuff, and hopefully from different angles to those which are covered in canon. I think the OCs that you have created are believable and the dialogue is certainly believable and appropriate for 11-year-olds; Liam can seem a little "old" for his years but I know my own characters are guilty of that too, and it's much more rewarding to write literate children than kids who can barely string a sentence together! Philip's character is also great, and a very realistic portrayal of the low-self-esteem individual. I wonder how his story will progress?
The Wands sub-plot is intriguing; I get the feeling that Liam's current wand really isn't suiting him in any way, shape or form and he probably ought not to be trying to channel magic through it, and I suppose I'm somewhat surprised the teaching staff haven't followed this up yet... guess that would rather lessen the intrigue, though.
Finally, there are a few Britishisms that you've missed, and have Americanised terms instead. I get the idea that you're a bit of a perfectionist, so I hope these are helpful!
* "Primary School" not "Grade School"
* "McGonagall" not "McGonagle"
* "Emeritus" not "Emeretus"
* "Eton" not "Eaton"
* "Gryffindor" not "Gryffendor"
* "Autumn" not "Fall"
* "Leviosa" not "Levioso"
* "Madagascan" not "Madagascaran"
Geography wise, Biggleswade isn't a suburb of London. If it counted as a suburb, I think the whole south-east would fall into that category, and in Oxford we'd rather resent that! I'd probably call it "commuter belt" - lots of people will live there and get the train in to work.
Also, English schools don't start back until early September, so Patrick wouldn't have been back when they went to King's Cross. In terms of the English school system, the state and private schools operate on rather different age groups to one another. State schools generally go Primary (4-11) to Secondary (11-18), whilst the private world goes Pre-Prep (4-8), Prep (8-13), Senior (13-18). If it's confusing to read about, try working in it... just to confuse matters, places like Eton select the children they want aged 13 when they're only 10... now I'm well off topic!
Can't wait for the next instalment,
SheriffAuthor's Response: I love all the info! As you can probably tell, I'm living in the States and bluffing my way through most of the British-isms. . . What I really need is the opportunity to edit and make corrections, but I wanted to post something quickly on the heels of Black Cats. So, what you get is a rough draft with a bit of varnish slapped on . . . I picked Biggleswade because I thought it was a funny name, and figured most of my readers would think I made it up . . . You seem pretty sharp. Did you catch any of the playful references I make with the namings of some of the characters? I realized early on that I couldn't possibly invent all of the names that were needed for this story, so I've been pillaging widely . . . There's much more coming on the differences between the four Houses. Thanks very much for reading and commenting! KJC Report Review
You updated again! You update soo fast, haha! I'm actually r&ring instead of finishing my paper thats due today...so obviously I'm officially addicted to your story!
I like Sadie..she's interesting...
And you left it at that! seriously! D: I can't wait for the next update!!! If Kane hurts Liam, Imma be so pissed haha!
Update soon, love!
~RipleyAuthor's Response: Get your paper done. You've got two more cliffhangers in your near future, and the next one will really stop your heart . . . I feel like I'm finally getting to the heart of things, to the ideas that drove me to write all this in the first place . . . Going back to an earlier discussion, this is an example of a quiet chapter that is still purposeful. It deepens your understanding, not only of the characters, but of what it means to be a Hufflepuff vs being a Ravenclaw . . . Thank you again for your kind words and enthusiasm. Fondly, KJ
Hey! Your writing is becoming flawless(: I'm really glad I found this story! Sorry I didn't review the last one, I just wanted to get to this chapter(:
Keep it up, sweetheart!
~Ripley 9/10Author's Response: I think we were reading each others stories and writing comments almost simultaneously. Chapter 11 was uploaded this afternoon, and should be available to read in a few days. Report Review
Good job(: Keep it up, sweetheart!
Waiting for the next. 10/10
~Ripley Report Review
I love Hagrid and Grawp! I've read alot of fics that just don't do Hagrid's character justice. Heck, I've had a hard time getting his personality just right, so I have to pat you on the back for that(:
Very good chapter, as always. Your story runs very smoothly and is quite detailed. I'm still suprised it hasn't received many reviews.
On to the next. 10/10
~RipleyAuthor's Response: Actually, I had great anxiety over using Hagrid. I wanted to avoid him entirely, but it wasn't possible. I love the character, but he's an easy one to get wrong, as you've seen. I didn't want him to go too over the top, so I went with the understated approach. I've always enjoyed reading his lines aloud, so I felt I had his voice down, and the scene captured his sense of humor. I felt that Hagrid is the domain of the Gryffendors, mostly. I did not want Liam to have a close relationship with him. Grawp, however, is another story. I wanted him in my book from the earliest notes and outlines. I have a big scene for him (much much) later on. Thanks again for all your kind words of encouragement. Report Review
Good job, as always(: Just a lil something here. It's spelt Muggleborn, just so you know(:
Impatiently awaiting the next
~RipleyAuthor's Response: Good catch. Seven's already uploaded - I don't want to make a correction and loose my place in the queue, but I made a fix to Eight. Nine's in the bag now, too, and I'm working on Ten. Thanks again for reading, and for all your comments. Report Review
Good chapter KJ(:
Impatiently waiting the next!
~RipleyAuthor's Response: Just for you, my friend, I uploaded Chpt 6 tonight! Report Review
I'm sorry I didnt mean to offend you. I was just trying to help.Your story is rather good. And I appauld you for having the courage to write an OC, most people dont care for them but your fic is really good(:Author's Response: No harm done, Rip. Thanks for reading my stuff. I promise I'll have more posted soon. Report Review
Cant wait for the next chapter! Update soonAuthor's Response: Thanks! I just uploaded Chp. 4, and I've got one more complete chapter after that. Then, I'll need to get busy! Report Review
All I have to say is work on the dialogue...It's so hard to make the dialogue realistic, but some advice is pretend to be talking to someone...I'm kind of a perfectionist with that. I try to be the character..it's easier with OC's so it shouldnt be too hard for you(:
Other than that, very good(:
9/10Author's Response: My dialog, eh? Interesting . . . I take pride in the quality of my dialog. I listen not only to what people say but how they say it. Key lines of dialog, such as Liam's first conversation with Elena in "A Voice in the Dark," are rehearsed outloud and polished, sometimes for weeks, before being put on paper. All of my Liam Wren chapters are read outloud before posting as part of the editing process.
You're responding to Chp. 2, here, which featured Glyn. He's verbose (typical of Ravenclaws) and a little pompous (typical of low-level government workers). The conversation between Glyn and Annie is not a casual one, but rather an official meeting which goes badly awry.
Another thing that may be throwing you off - I'm conciously and deliberately mimicking Conversational British English. In doing so, I'm referencing not only the Harry Potter books (and other British novels) but also favorite BBC TV shows, like Top Gear and Life on Mars. This effort extends to using the King's English spelling conventions, bringing back all the 'u's that Daniel Webster exiled. (My internal dictionary doesn't like it, and neither does my spell checker, but it's part of the act.)
One last thing, in regards to my composition and editing process - Black Cats received several months of polishing before I started posting the chapters. The Dragon Wand chapters, by constrast, are only getting a little varnish - just a quick read through and some edits before I send them out into the world. Report Review
Interesting beginning(: I really liked it, I can't believe no one has reviewed yet!!!
By the way, do you mind reading my Dramione, Bleed Red? If so, tell me what you think! I'm going to put you in my favorites so I can keep reading(: Keep it up! Report Review
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