56 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Hannah 5- The Dilemma

13th July 2011:
Great job! A few gramatical errors, but still a good read. I can't wait for your next chapters!

Author's Response: Thank you! I know it has a lot. And the edited versions are in the queue. hope to see you soon as I put the next chapter up! Thanks

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Review #27, by CraftyK13 5- The Dilemma

7th July 2011:
Aww! Draco's so sweet! I really like where you're going with this! Keep it up(:

Author's Response: Thank you! I hope you keep on reading. I have an update ready when the queue opens again. So thank you.!

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Review #28, by Rebecca 5- The Dilemma

6th July 2011:
Ahhh I love this!! Keep writing. I've read a few dramione stories but thisisthe only one i'vereally liked!

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Review #29, by Emmanuelle 5- The Dilemma

6th July 2011:
Hmm,
nice chapter, I like the way Draco comforted Hermione,
I would double check spelling, also try reading the story out loud, I'm sure if you do you will find the typos and the use of some words twice. Other then that a purely wonderful read.
Emmanuelle

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Review #30, by Emmanuelle The First Lesson Understanding and Trust

6th July 2011:
Hi, just dropping a review.
I just wanna says I am really enjoying the story.
I love the conflict between Draco and Hermione and like the way you stop things to show a softer side. I also like the way you are infusing the muggle world with the wizarding world.
Emmanuelle

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I wasn't sure what would be the repercussions of this things but to hear someone said that, its really lovely. Thank you again!

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Review #31, by Emmanuelle The Star

6th July 2011:
Aww, such a soft and tender moment between Draco and Hermione. Reading on...

Author's Response: Aww,, I know right. :) Thank you for keeping up with this.

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Review #32, by Emmanuelle The Partner

6th July 2011:
Nice story so far, you may wanna check for typos though,
But I have always loved Draco getting a good sock or two.

Author's Response: Thank you.. I'm checking it again..xD Thank you for reading!

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Review #33, by Emmanuelle The Course

6th July 2011:
Oh Hello,
From what I have read so far, I have a feeling that I am really going to enjoy this story. I am off to chapter two. Thank you for writing,
Emmanuelle

Author's Response: Thank you for reading. I was like absent for two or three days and just checked reviews here, and I'm so glad to receive your reviews. Thank you.

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Review #34, by alice The Star

1st July 2011:
Hey :)
nice story :) It's not too cheesy and full of fluff which is good.
Please don't lose your muse?
thankyou

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm not losing my muse, don't worry. I have the next chapter ready. Its my school that's keeping me from writing really fast.I try not to be cliche and fluffy. It kinda make me annoyed a little, and I have hard time writing it. :)
I'll post the next chapter as soon as it's allowed to post. Thank you again, and hope you keep reading.


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Review #35, by Tracy The First Lesson Understanding and Trust

30th June 2011:
I really like this story, and I will keep reading it! Please keep posting chappies!!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I have the next chapter ready, and I'll post it soon as it's allowed to. Thanks again.

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Review #36, by ginnypotterforever The First Lesson Understanding and Trust

30th June 2011:
I love the story!
I've seen plots like this before, but these are always my fav stories!
B.T.W. You seemed to have switched chapters 4 and 5, or was this done intentionally? Just wondering :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much.

No it isn't done intentionally. Hopefully, I'll get edited versions of the chapters soon. I'm sorry too if it takes too long for me to update. But thank you anyways.

Thanks again.


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Review #37, by luvlunageorgefred 5- The Dilemma

18th June 2011:
theres a bit of inconsistency in your story with the description of Cassie. and previously when shes 5 months old and you describe her hair, and it goes from straight to curly..also I dont really envision blaise as one to use 'mate' in his speaking. but other then those little criticisms (sorry if I seem harsh) I really like it :) its a good story :) x

Author's Response: Thank you. And no offense taken. I've been out weeks after I've written chapter four when I write chapter 5. Details are a bit messy in my head when I did that. Also, I'm sorry if Blaise wasn't your Blaise in mind. I do try my best to make them sound English, and Blaise to retain his Italian ethnicity still. I'll check what I can do it with. Thank you again.

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Review #38, by ilharrypotter 5- The Dilemma

13th June 2011:
Hello again!

This will be my last review - and it's the last chapter you have posted, so I suppose this is fitting.

There's not much I can tell you to improve on that I haven't said before. Your story has potential, but it could use a lot of revision. There are words missing and there are serious flow issues in some places throughout the chapters, but these can be fixed easily. Once they are, I expect you'll recieve a lot more feedback about your story. :)

Your characters are mostly realistic, and your plot has a lot of promise to be unique, which is nice to see with Dramione.

Good luck, and be sure to request more reviews whenever you have more chapters up, if you'd like more of my assistance.

-Paige.

Author's Response: Thank you so much.! I so enjoyed reading your reviews. And I'll be sure to request again, when the other chapters are up.

I took your notes, and I'll talk with my beta soon about these issues. I'm so glad you really give time for it. Thanks.


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Review #39, by ilharrypotter The First Lesson Understanding and Trust

13th June 2011:
Hello! I am so sorry I have been gone for so long. It's been a really long, terrible week for me. But I'm back to review again. :)

Again, I notice right away that a lot of words are missing from each sentence. Enough to confuse the reader. An edit for this chapter could definitely be beneficial.

I'm glad that Hermione and Draco are back to acting like themselves - hating each other. For right now, I think that's the most canon way you can have them interact. And canon is good, especially when you're going so against canon. :P It doesn't seem realistic that they'd suddenly be getting along though, even for grades.

Good chapter, though. It does need some revision. :)

-Paige.

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Review #40, by ilharrypotter The Star

9th June 2011:
Hello there!

I'm looking forward to seeing Hermione and Draco interact - so far, you've created them as very canon and realistic, and that should make for a lot of fun when they start to spend a lot of time around each other.

I notice that a lot of the time you use the wrong tense of your verbs - mixing past and present tense, I mean. That's a problem, because it confuses the reader - like me! - but it can be easily fixed. :)

Now, all of a sudden, Draco and Hermione are getting along... I feel like you need to work on developing the two of them together - that would be great for the reader.

The story is still going along well, though!

-paige.

Author's Response: hello. took me so long to respond. sorry. Just had a busy month. Start of school and all.

Thank for reviewing my work. Really, you really made my day. And for Draco and Hermione getting along, they aren't. I just think its necessary for Draco to be a bit silent throughout the chapter, and have Hermione and her bossiness be prominent here.

Secondly, This is the chapter where Cassie is born and so, I have them working well, as both was tired and its for their grades.

thanks again.


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Review #41, by ilharrypotter The Partner

9th June 2011:
Hello again, I've returned!

I don't like how you skipped the actual Sorting part! That was something I was excited for - I wanted to read about Hermione's thoughts. I might be the only person who wishes that part wasn't left out, though.

"Do not think for one second I would love to be in this situation, because I loathe it deeply to my bones." - this feels like a very awkwardly worded sentence... and a lot of your sentences are like that, I've noticed. Very awkwardly worded. They don't always flow. And flow is a good thing.

I like that you have Draco and Hermione being very nasty to each other - I don't think they would get on very well right away, even if they wanted to overcome what had happened before. It just doesn't seem likely! Bravo for fighting the cliches. :)

I notice that a lot of the time, you seem to leave out words in your sentences. Not a major deal, but again, it messes with the flow of your story, which is something that can be fixed easily to make things a lot better. :)

"No, I do not. But nobody, and I mean that includes you, mess up with my grades and if that includes having a truce to him and living with him peacefully, I'll do it." - this is an excellent way to end a chapter. It's a very Hermione-ish thing to say, and I applaud you for staying in canon so well.

I'm enjoying this story so far - and honestly, I didn't think I would too much, as it isn't my kind of thing. Wonderful job.

-Paige.

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Review #42, by ilharrypotter The Course

9th June 2011:
Hello there! Polkadot/ilharrypotter from the forums with your requested reviews.

Not going to lie to you, I've clicked on this story a couple of times - it's at the top of my list to be reviewed, but for some reason, I keep getting distracted. Therefore, I apologize for how long it's taken me to get to this.

Right away, I feel like this story has a lot of potential to be... cliche. With the family classes and that business. I don't want to be mean or judgemental so soon, but I'm hoping you will tilt /away/ from the danger zone on my cliche-o-meter as this chapter continues. A few cliched plotlines are all cool in my opinion, but one too many... we have a problem. Just commenting. I don't want to condemn your story so quickly - which is not what I'm doing, for sure!

"Slytherin tend to be with themselves that be friendly with one another."

This sentence doesn't seem to make any sense to me... if you're making revisions, try and fix that. And look for any other sentences that don't make sense. I'll keep an eye out too. :)

I like to see that you're making your Hogwarts students give Draco a lot of... well, hell. He's so often depicted as the Slytherin prince - before and after the war. To see him getting crap from all sides is refreshing and much more realistic, in my opinion!

When you end the chapter the way you do, "Please, not Malfoy." you just KNOW she's going to be paired with Malfoy... or at least we think. I dunno, really. I could be wrong. But the foreshadowing is a nice touch.

Your story has a lot of potential! I'm looking forward to watching it as it progresses. :)

-Paige.

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Review #43, by Wierdy The Course

2nd June 2011:
Hey there! Wierdy with your requested review. :]

Requesting a Beta on the forms should help with your occasional grammar issues! In some parts, I find, that your dialogue is a bit stiff, but still readable, a beta would really help you out, I think. =)

All in all I think you've got a pretty good idea here.

Author's Response: Thanks, I got a beta now and she's helping me a lot. Thanks again.

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Review #44, by LovelyMioneWeasley The Star

1st June 2011:
Hi there, LMW here with your final chapter review. I really liked the creativity you had with the potion and the doll. I think it goes to show the power of magic and how creative we can be as authors with the world that JKR created.

I liked that you made her have straight hair and not that wild bushy mess that her mother has. It made more independent than the girls and it seems to have more qualities of Malfoys then of Hermione. I'm sure she will turn out to studious and such like Hermione and have other certain qualities. I also think that you did a fun job with Hermione reading the book and having all the characters doing different and believeable things.

Again, the same reccommendations apply. Make sure to check captalisation and all of the grammatical things. Your tone is your biggest issue. Best of luck with your story.

LMW

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Review #45, by LovelyMioneWeasley The Partner

1st June 2011:
Hi there, LMW back again with another review for your story. So, you definitely keeping everyone in character and you are doing an excellent job keeping everyone true to their beliefs and general attitudes from abruptly changing.

Again, I would make the same recommendations for this chapter as the last one. Words like Hospital Wing, Monsieur, etc. I think would need to be capatlized and a beta could help you with your tone. You have very unnatural sounding sentences like This drifted off her anger about her predicament momentarily. Saying something like, it distracted her temporarily would be a better sentence.

Also words like Professor, Death Eater, and others need to captalized. I liked that you added Padma to the group; she was an interesting character to pick because I would think you would pick someone like Lavender or use an OC that you could manipulate. Overall it isn't a bad story but you need to do some major corrections on it.

LMW

Author's Response: Thank you again, I'll take that in mind when I got a word from my beta.

And I like Padma, Lavander irks me a lot. Thanks.


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Review #46, by LovelyMioneWeasley The Course

1st June 2011:
Hi there, LMW from the forums with one of your requested reviews. In general, you just generally asked about what changes I would recommend as you rewrite and edit this story for the future.

First off, I would get a beta to help you out with any grammatical issues you have. You have problem with tenses and using casual diction. You have some errors with some awkward phrasing and just general issues. I wonder if English is your first language. You seem to have a more sophsicated vocabulary or try to use it that way, but it just comes across as forced and unnatural.

Secondly, you don't have very much dialogue which is something I would try to reconcile as you add more chapters or just have more interactions between students. You also need to capatalize anything that JKR capatalized in her books like Sorting Hat, etc. Also have help with your puncuncation.

I don't know if I would believe that the Sorting Hat would assign partners; it was purely created for the use of assigning Houses to students so I can't imagine it having any other purpose. I would recommend finding something else to have them assigned partners with.

Overall, it is an okay story but it needs some overhaul especially with the tone you write in.

LMW

Author's Response: Thanks, I'll take that in mind. I"ll have my beta help me. She's doing a good job, I think.

Oh, and nice observation, English isn't my native language. :)

Thanks again for the review.


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Review #47, by kittenshift17 The Course

27th May 2011:
Hi, I just wanted to say that while the idea is good you really need to work on your grammar. several times throughout the chapter you use the worng words for the tense. perhaps you should have someone read over you work before you post it. or just read it again yourself. For example, even in the last paragraph you say "would you please sit at the stool". it should be "on the stool". there are several other occasions where you use the worng words, just a suggestion. But i like the story so far.

Author's Response: Thanks a lot. I'll be editing the chapters while my next one is on my beta now. Thanks for reading again.

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Review #48, by hermione999 The First Lesson Understanding and Trust

24th May 2011:
Aaw!!! They get along now!!! Thank God XD It's a miracle.
10/10

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Review #49, by hermione999 The Star

24th May 2011:
Bilingual XD woow. Awesome chappie! I hope you still have some of your muse around.
10/10

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Review #50, by hermione999 The Course

24th May 2011:
Ha! Wow Awesome chappie! On to the next!
10/10

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