I LOVE Angie and George stories they are the best!!
xx :D xxAuthor's Response: aww thanks so much!
yeah, it seems like I never see many of them, and I think it's a great opportunity to write about.
I'm sooo glad you like it. It's been kinda difficult with the challenges. But there should be one more chapter. :) Thanks for reviewing and reading! Report Review
Aww good start to the story. I liked how you incorporated the Mr brightside song in there too (I love that sond btw). I also liked how you managed to join together the parts from when the twins left school by letting off all those fireworks to Fred's funeral, with the flashback and what not. Good Job, I liked it!!
Silverstarletworld=DAuthor's Response: Thanks :) I'm so glad you liked it! I thought that was a great idea too:) I couldn't wait to see how people liked it :) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Okay, I like the concept...but there is room for improvement :)
the characterization is fairly shallow. you have an opportunity here to create some real in-depth characters. I'd suggest you do less 'telling' and more 'showing.'
No idea hwere you're going with this and I really struggled to continute reading/ sink my teeth into it. the first chapter needs to give soemthing away, yet keep something back aswell.
llluuurch. there is no flow... you're all over the place with flashbacks, bold and regular face type, inner monologue and dialogue that doesn't read naturally. you also change the POV (something that's really hard to do within one chapter) I don't suggest doing different POV if they tell the exact same thing, just different pov. It gets boring, and people will just scroll to the bottom.
suggestion: read out loud, and the areas where you stumble/ stutter or pause awkwardly, highlight and go back to fix it.
good times :)
kirstenalannaAuthor's Response: Thanks for all the suggestions. I had a feeling there was something up with the story, I wasn't sure what it was. I know I may be doing too much, since there are 3 challenges I'm entering this story in. But I have a feeling it could work! I know it can! :) Thanks for all the hints. I'll keep them in mind :) Report Review
aw! this was so sweet. i can feel for both angelina and george, although angelina felt a little too "popular girl". lol, that actually made me giggle. but the fact that she was crying made her more down to earth after, so i guess that's good. but i still liked this and i cant wait to see where it goes!Author's Response: I'm glad you like it! I guess I know what you mean by popular girl, but I think I was just trying to get across that she hangs out more with Alicia and the rest of the team, not that she was particularly popular. I can't wait to see where this goes either! lol I have a good idea of course, but still struggling with some of it.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
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