Originally very intimidated by the size of this fic, but it went by quickly (time speeds up when you're having fun!) and was worth it!
Don't mean to be a drag, but in canon, Arthur was the only Weasley during Marauder times. I got the vibe you were mentioning Molly's brothers, Gideon and Fabian, but they were Prewetts... Perhaps some other brothers of Arthur's that were never mentioned? Then again, he's always seemed to be an only child...
The narrative was good for the most part. Sirius has his little jokes inserted here and there to retain his Marauder status. However, I could've done with a bit more description. More description would've let in the oppurtunity to put more of Sirius' character in there, to develop his character more. To point out some specifics about his character, I sometimes felt he wasn't the same Marauder I've grown accustomed to seeing; suave, charming, quick on his feet, etc.
I am very iffy on Cora's character (though I adore her name! Not meaning to be superficial here...)
First off, I do feel that you rushed her and Sirius' meeting. Yes, I get that she's one of those perfectionist, in a hurry, straightforward types (am I right on that? If I am, I like that part about her, that's actually a very good basis of personality for a good character) However, I just find it very strange that she would quickly let Sirius into her house/life. Especially since her hurried way of speaking indicates that she's not too afraid of the consequences of jinxing someone who crosses her.
Second of all, there's a flaw in her story. Voldemort's influence is already gone. (in this point in the HP books, the world is not notified of his return until the 4th book and most do not believe until the 5th) Why hasn't her and her parents returned to the magical world again?
Third of all, I dislike that you made her Marlene McKinnon's cousin (after reading further, I see there is some purpose to them being cousins as Sirius alludes to having loved Marlene, but still...) No, that's not the part I dislike about that...(though, I do hate how you had her describe Marlene as the "golden girl of gryffindor," I've always considered that Lily Evan's rightful spot..) It's more of the fact that I dislike her story. Even if she'd been at Hogwarts at any point that was during the time of the Marauders (which is implicated because of her allusion to Marlene being the "golden girl of gryffindor") then she would at least recognize the name "Sirius Black" as one of the Marauders, seeing as how the Marauders were infamous. I would've infinitely preferred it if she were just some Spanish witch who had no relation to canon or Britain at all, but it's your character. (On the other hand, I might just be jealous of the fact that she's getting Sirius' attention...grr...Gary Oldman is mine!)
I know I've ranted about Cora and Sirius much too much, but I'd just like to add that their relationship rushed in general to me. Not that I didn't like their relationship! I was getting very into it, and then it ended...I was very sad when Sirius had to go...I felt that was rushed as well.
The references to canon things are very good. I love how you put Fang in there!
The ending paragraph, whether you intended it or not, was amazing. First off, Sirius calling Harry James. Second off, Sirius is so sure of victory he's imagining being back to Cora that night. I almost feel him going mad out of grief. I don't know if you intended for that to be the case, but that's how I felt.
Overall, nice story! The relationship was rushed, true, but I could still feel attached to the characters and felt the hopelessness of the situation when Sirius and Cora were separated.
I hope this review was comprehensive and helpful!
LibertyAuthor's Response: I loved your review!! Thank you soo much for putting all that thought into it! Your absolutely right about gideon and fabian being Prewetts!! Part of me can't believe I forgot that!! I'm changing the last name as soon as I can :) Also about Marlene, I think since she was Lily's friend, maybe she was one of the golden girls, (haha, not like the t.v show lol) I was just saying that since Cora was in Slytherin. Might be stereotypical, but that's just how I saw it. I'm going back and making it plural :)
I was totally thinking of making her a spanish witch! but then I thought of that way to make it more canon, 'cause I love details! That's probably one of the things that will get in the way of writing the actual character though. As to her story, Her, and her parents have been completely cut off from the magical world. When Voldemort first threatened, they ran for it. That's why she leaves in her 3rd year. So since then, they weren't supposed to have contact, they loved their life there, and didn't have any connection back in Britain they wanted to go back to. It didn't matter to them if Voldemort came back or not, for all they know he might have still been in power. The only way they have some contact is to get ingredients and supplies. I do hate how rushed it is throughout. The thing is, I wanted to submit this for the decade of legends contest, but was too late :( then I was able to submit it in a last minute challenge :) Maybe someday I'll make it into a short story and take my time with their relationship and their meeting. For now though I don't mind that it's rushed. He was only there for like 2 months, so since he told her his story, they pretty much decided it wasn't going to be like a normal relationship.
I'm sooo glad you caught what I did at the end and loved it. I thought what he might have been thinking during all of that... and that came to mind. So glad for all the advice! Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
Wow this was really good! I've never read a story like this and it was really entertaining! I absolutely adore Sirius!
The ending is sad:( but completely necessary!
Overall it is really good!!Author's Response: thanks so much! I'm glad you like it so much :) I know, I hate the ending :( This story had been on my mind for a long time. I'm glad I finally wrote it :)
Thanks! I love my reviews :) Report Review
I like how you provided a backstory for the macaw! I always imagined him in some lovely tropical place, and it's really sweet to think that he may have fallen in love while there. Cora complemented him really well. Out of everything, though, I think my favorite part was the very beginning, when Sirius's only entertainment was to tell Bellatrix to shut up and enjoy the other inmates joining in. It added a lot of realism to the situation. Those are the bits of stories I appreciate the most - little everyday doses of reality. I can just imagine him sitting there in his cell, listening to Bellatrix scream.
:)Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked it, that had to be the hardest part for me to write too! I had to re read parts of the books to get facts completely straight. Like the crossword thing was in the book. I was gonna just make it up if I couldn't find anything. But yeah, these are the things that I wonder about, bits of JKR's story that don't have all the details 'cause it would make the story waaay too huge lol At least it gives us the chance to elaborate :) Thanks!! Report Review
At first I was a bit hesitant to read this because of the length as a long one-shot for me is about 5000 words. But to my surprise I loved every second of this. Probably due to the fact it was about Sirius and I'm his No. 1 fan :) So what I'm saying is that your fic has taught me not to shy away from fics just because of the length of them because it is the quality that counts.
So, well done with this, you have done a great job and have captured Sirius's life and missing moments perfectly.
xxAuthor's Response: yeah, it had to be a one shot for the decade of legends contest, but was never able to submit it :( but thank you sooo much for reviewing!! I'm soo happy that everyone who's a really huge sirius fan has absolutely loved it! so I'm like YES!
anyway, thanks a lot! and if you're interested in what happens with cora, you might want to read a bit of my other story too ;) at least up to chapter 4... lol, you could prolly skip the other chaps and you might be happy lol
thanks! :) Report Review
wow hun this is amazing =) the end was a little rushed but it was straight to the point which i like sometimes also...
i only have 3 entryies to my challenge so far so yours looks like the one =)
* shh dont tell anyone * haha =)Author's Response: hmm, something to think about. I really didn't want to end it! I love Sirius, I hate the fact he has to die :( I'm really glad you like it! This reminds me, I have to check for a banner lol. Thanks sooo much for reviewing! My other story has Cora in it, and connects some things about Sirius too. In case you're interested :)
I'd be sooo happy to have this story win! I wrote it so it could win something :) Thanks! Report Review
i liked this alot it was written really well good job!
i know you friended me on the forums funny thing is i dont know how to work the forums literally i am so confused! so once someone teaches me how to use it or i learn myself ill be on there more but as of now i have no clue on what im doing! hahahaAuthor's Response: I was the same way. I'm still trying to figure it our :) I'm sure there are some staff that can help, or some parts on the main page that explain some of how to do things. I really just started exploring and I'm getting it a bit at a time :) Thanks so much for the review! I've been wanting to hear more on this one :D I'll talk to you soon :) Report Review
oh my gosh. this was really good! :) I liked your other story so much, that I thought I would check out this one, and I saw that it was about sirius(I LOVE HIM!) so I just had to read it. like honestly though, I would marry sirius if I could. I'm obsessed. I went to the hp theme park in universal studios a few months ago and I bought sirius' wand. its so preetttyyy. *sigh* he's my favorite person EVER. I don't even know how its possible to be so amazing. gahh. its not fair:( stupid perfect people. ...erm, anyways...like I sais, I loved this story:) even though the ending was kind of sad. I seriously bawl every single time I read the parts in the hp books when sirius dies. and fred. I love him too. its terrible. one time, I was in the middle of one of my classes, waiting for the rest of my classmates to finish something, and so I thought it would be a good idea to read the 7th book...right at the part of the battle when everyone dies. I'M SO STUPID. so I was reading it, and then I burst into tears and I couldn't stop crying. everyone(not even joking, EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE ROOM) turned and looked at me, and then one of my friends was like "what's wrong?" and I just sobbed "fred and lupin and collin and tonks all died! and snape and dobby are dead too! and its just so sad!" ...I repeat, I'M SO STUPID. my teacher who hadn't read the books thought those were friends of mine who actually died in real life, and kept asking me if I needed to see a counselor, everyone in the class thought I was a weirdo, and I swear I saw the kid sitting next to me try to slide his desk as far away from me as possible. yeah, that was a good day:) ahh. so yeah, that just took up like a good half hour of my life to tell you that story, so I'm gonna go. okay bye!
p.s. good job on this story. I loved it:)
p.p.s. I like you. let's be best friends:PAuthor's Response: I would totally want to be best friends :D lol I would do the same thing if I read that part in class. maybe not bawling, but I did definitely cry when it happened. Definitely with Sirius, I mean come on! he was the closest Harry had to a father then he just dies??!!! what the heck??!! I'm so jealous you went to universal!! must have been amazing... dreamy luna sigh... Thanks for loving my story :) I'll look for you on the forums! Report Review
Great Story! (Again) The beginning really pulled me in! I have never thought of Sirius falling in love but You made it so real! I like how you went to different places. I have never been too interested in Sirius but now he is interesting. Cora is cool! And she's a Mckinnen too! I love it when people include brothers and sisters of people J.K. wrote about. I like how they get together because Sirius stole a blanket! :P I really like the story of his life in azkaban! I would be cool to learn what he thinks in the shreaking shack. You might want to add a little more about Cora's Family and her Boyfriend. You write amazing storys! Keep Writing so I can keep reading!
Thanks for the comment on my review on your other story! I like writing reviews! Funny huh?Author's Response: I'll definitely keep writing as long as you review them! :) I would have totally put more in about her family and everything but it was supposed to be a one shot for the decade of legends competition and it was already too long. I'm really glad I got you to like a story about sirius and pulled you in a little more. I thought it was kinda a missing link when the 4th book mentioned he sent harry a tropical bird, I was like immediately "where is he?!!" Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
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