Reading Reviews for Amidst the Ashes
  
51 Reviews Found

Review #26, by CambAngst Worries

14th March 2013:
You raised more interesting questions in this chapter, and offered maybe one or two answers. I like the balance. A good mystery story always starts off by priming with reader with a lot of things to wonder about, and you have my head spinning around a few things right now.

First off, I'm really curious what it is about Halloween that Harry doesn't like. Aside from the really obvious one, that is. Halloween was the day his parents died, but that was far more than ten years ago. Something else bad obviously happened, and since neither Ron nor Ginny seem to share Harry's dislike, it must have been something fairly particular to him.

So the killer used ink to compose his message? That's actually pretty clever. Blood would have been much more likely to leave clues, either on the wall or on the body. I liked David's analysis of the crime scene. Rather than fall back on a lot of mumbo-jumbo spellwork that would have given the situation a deus ex machina feel, he's using simple investigative techniques to piece it all together. Looks like Harry will have one more reason to dislike Halloween this year.

David, himself, is really starting to interest me. He's plainly a complex character. Smart, good at what he does, and he clearly has a thing for the ladies. Has Sam actually composed a multi-chapter story without any slash? Stop the presses! :p Just kidding. But I do think I'm going to have a lot of fun speculating about David as the story goes on. You added that little bit of intrigue with his wand, which just adds fuel to the fire. And that bit about him fixing his collar: I got a total Sam Spade vibe. Are you going for the noir feel to this story or am I just imagining it?

Then we get another look at your antagonist and very possibly his next victim. It seems that he also has some major investment in Halloween. Big things coming, methinks...

So I will take your author's note for what it's worth and not really nit-pick you on the typos and grammar. I didn't see anything too bad, but it could use a good beta-reading.

You think I can squeeze in one more chapter before bed? Let's see...

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Review #27, by CambAngst The Writing on the Wall

14th March 2013:
Hi, Sam! Back for some more Review Battle goodness!

Your antagonist, assuming that's who we see alone in the room at the beginning, is magnificently creepy. He gives off the air of a hunter: efficient, meticulous and deadly. It almost sounds like he's caressing the knife. By the end of the section, I was pretty sure that this poor girl was doomed.

Your Ron and Harry had a film noir feel to them, almost like characters from a 1950's detective movie. Ron is moving about, gathering evidence and doing the work while Harry seems detached and cerebral. I love the idea of him trying to follow the killer's movements, see what the killer was seeing. I feel like this is going to turn into one of those psychological dramas where the police officer gets in too deep while he's trying to put himself into the mind of the killer, and I'm very excited about it!

So strangulation, 20 stab wounds and the Killing Curse? This guy wasn't leaving anything to chance, was he? We obviously have an antagonist who enjoys the violent aspect of killing. Perhaps somebody who deals a great deal with death but has never killed, himself? I have a theory here... We'll just have to see whether I'm right.

I couldn't find a single typo of grammatical problem. Very nice job with that! I think you're off to an awesome start. Here goes Dan, about to get hooked on another one of Sam's WIP's...

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Review #28, by slytherinchica08 Revelations Where it Started

20th January 2013:
YAY I was right! Theo was Teddy, and Teddy was David! I'm so proud of myself for figuring that bit out though I will say that I still have no idea who the actual killer is. The ending of this chapter was so sad! What with Albus also admitting that he no longer likes Halloween and I can imagine why that would be a rather scary experience to have to go through once but a second time, thats just cruel. I'm trying to figure out why Teddy never came back to them though. I mean if he's alive and was so young when the first fire happened it just makes me wonder where he went and why he never revealed himself until now. Anywho another great chapter and I look forward to the next! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Yep, Theo was Teddy and Teddy was David. Yay for Metamorphic abilities. They certainly help him. :D

The killer is a complex and scary guy. You'll find out who he is soon enough. I just wanted to hug Albus when he said that; this guy is cruel and driven towards a goal, he doesn't care who he hurts.

You'll find out why Ted didn't come back. Next chapter, I think.

Thank you so much for leaving a review. :)

Sam.


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Review #29, by slytherinchica08 Connecting the Dots

20th January 2013:
Oh wow! Harry's got everything figured out but yet the readers are still strung along trying to piece together all the missing pieces! I'm still not sure if I have Theo Moon figured out but I guess only reading on will really tell me if I'm right or not! The ending was perfect! Harry searching around in Davids office and finding all those messages for him was just wonderful! And I love knowing that Harry finally has it figured out but yet I still have no idea whats going on! I'm still very much enjoying this story! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Yep, go Harry. He knows now. So will you soon, about Theo and Halloween - other things will take a while longer.

I'm glad you liked the end. He was always been left clues, from the very first message. ;)

Thank you so much for leaving a review.

Sam.


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Review #30, by slytherinchica08 Ability to Change

20th January 2013:
So I'm having more ideas for who exactly Theo Moon is but don't want to say them yet until I collect more evidence that might tell me I'm right.. or maybe I'm just so far off it isn't even funny! Anyways this chapter was great! I really enjoyed the pov change again! I think it just really adds so much and makes me understand more characters. I love that Ron is finally getting to understand that it really does take time for someone to get over this death, its at least nice to see this side of Ron. And yeah maybe he had to talk to Hermione first before he got there but at least he got there! I'm very much enjoying this story, the mystery keeps building, as are my questions and I just can't wait to find out who is behind all of this and if I'm right about who is Theo Moon! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

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Review #31, by slytherinchica08 This is HIS Fault!

19th January 2013:
Another nice chapter! More questions keep coming in with every chapter that I read. I love reading the different povs, I think it really adds to your story. The friendship between Harry and David is a really nice one to read. Its nice to see him with someone other than his normal crew of friends. The mystery has me pulled in as well. I'm really wondering whats happening and how Harry is going to be able to figure it all out! I look forward to reading and reviewing more! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

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Review #32, by slytherinchica08 Memories of the Past

19th January 2013:
Oh wow how sad! I can completely understand why it is that Harry doesn't want to go to that party any more, once some place is riddled with death like that its hard to go back and not think about it. And poor Teddy! He was so young and gah I just can't even express myself right now because I'm just so sad that Teddy died at such a young age and in such a horrid way. And then Ginny had to go and serve Harry with divorce papers and oh boy you just have me filled with so many feels for this right now! GAH! I just don't know what to do with myself! I'm very much enjoying the story and can't wait to see where the next chapter will bring us! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

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Review #33, by slytherinchica08 The Second Message

19th January 2013:
Poor Harry! What ever it is thats haunting him is doing a wonderful job of it, too bad it seems like everyone else has been able to move on from it except him. I liked the beginning of this chapter (well I liked all of it) but I liked how the beginning in particular explained to us why Harry is so tired. I liked that you explained that every year at the start of October he loses sleep and then at the close of every October he is able to start sleeping once more. I'm really enjoying this story so far and I like the mystery thats going on. I'm really curious as to whats happening, who's doing it, and what happened in their past thats haunting him. Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

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Review #34, by slytherinchica08 Worries

19th January 2013:
Huh a very interesting chapter! I have so many questions that I want answered! Is David Malloy really Draco Malfoy or did someone replace David Malloy and thats why his wand is different now that he's back from vacation? And what is this thing that Harry and Ron keep talking about that happened ten years ago? Gah I want to know! Anywho, I think that this is a wonderful chapter, it definately kept my interest in reading more to find out what is going on. Also I loved the pov shift, I thought it added in even more mystery and really was a great place to end the chapter at. Altogether, I thought that this chapter was very enjoyable and I look forward to reading more! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

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Review #35, by Godrics_Helm Answers

25th September 2012:
Great chapter! It was nice to see what happened to teddy and how he managed to escape the fire. Update soon1

Author's Response: Thank you. I hope to update soon. :)

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Review #36, by Godrics_Helm Revelations Where it Started

27th May 2012:
Well, i was partially correct! Teddy's alive!!! It continually amazes me how much you put into the stroy with only 2,000 words or less. Bravo!

Can't wait for next Thursday!

Author's Response: Teddy's alive!!! :D

Thank you for reviewing. :)


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Review #37, by Godrics_Helm Connecting the Dots

19th April 2012:
While it was short, it was informative, and now Harry knows! I can't wait for all the drama and action that is sure to come! Update soon!

Author's Response: Yes, Harry knows. The next chapter is ready to be posted. :)

Thank you.


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Review #38, by Godrics_Helm Ability to Change

9th April 2012:
Hmm...now I'm really confused! So i guess this Theo Moon guy is okay, but there's another man in the mix causing havoc! I really love this stroy, it keeps me on my toes. Update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks. The next two chapters are done, so it'll be updated soon.

Theo Moon will be revealed. I hope the confusion stops soon, but i'm glad you still love it. :)


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Review #39, by BKL8008 The Writing on the Wall

3rd April 2012:
Interesting beginning. Catches the attention and makes you want to know, already, whodunnit.

Author's Response: Thank you. :)

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Review #40, by Godrics_Helm Memories of the Past

23rd February 2012:
I knew something happened to Teddy! I think i figured it all out after reading the last chapter. I bet that, that Theo Moon guy is really Teddy! Teddy's real name is Theodore and his last name refers to the moon, so there you go!

I hope Harry talks to Ginny and everything works out. I'd be so sad if they didn't :(

Update soon!

Author's Response: Haha! Interesting theory. I guess we'll see. And, yay, for knowing that something had happened to Teddy!

I hope so, too.

Sam.


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Review #41, by AC_rules Memories of the Past

22nd February 2012:
This is sort of cheating because I've already read this chapter but I morally disagree with CHAPTERS WITH NO REVIEWS especially when they're such lovely well written chapters such as this :)

I love how you tied everything in from previous chapters and yet at the same time I completely didn't expect it (a mystery, within a mystery?). It didn't even cross my mind that something had happened to Teddy and, well... I can't wait for more of this story to find its way into my inbox! :)

AC

Author's Response: By all means, cheat! I love your reviews!

It's full of mystery, twists and turns at every chapter... Well, maybe not, but enough. :D

More shall find its way to your inbox soon!

Sam.


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Review #42, by charlottetrips The Writing on the Wall

21st February 2012:
This is going to be one creepily amazing story! You've already set such a dark tone to it with vivid descriptions (what was that that Ron just rolled off his tongue about the way she died?) and with that dark message on the wall...it's already got me feeling all goosebumpy and stuff! Gah! Thank goodness I'm in a well lit room surrounded by people!

And did you just give away something with David? Isn't that a little early? Or are you throwing us a red herring only to pull the rug from under us in the coming chapters? Or is Harry just becoming suspicious of everyone now that there's this gruesome murderer on the loose?

So many questions but that's good because then I want to read on!

xChar

Author's Response: I love creepily amazing stories! Ron is just used to hearing facts, he doesn't allow himself to get emotionally involved he'd go a little queasy (at least, that's how I imagine him). It's just facts Ron hears...

Ah, David! I think you are the first person to pick up on David... Or, at least, comment on it. It had to be said. Pay attention to David... ;)

Thank you.

Sam.


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Review #43, by Godrics_Helm The Second Message

22nd January 2012:
Well, I simply can't wait until I found out exactly what happened 10 years ago. I'm thinking someone died, but I can't figure out who.

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: You'll find out. Thank you. :)

Sam.


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Review #44, by Beeezie Worries

6th January 2012:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your 4/5 reviews! :)

You really are great at pulling a reader in without actually telling them much at all; I think I mentioned that in my review for the Hugo story as well. I feel like you did it a little better there than here - I would have liked just a little more information to draw me in, and leave me feeling a little more intrigued rather than just plain confused - but this was still quite strong. I think I would have just liked a bit more of a hint about why Harry is refusing to go to the party.

I especially liked the end scene - it was really well placed, and ended the chapter on a great (if somewhat sinister) note.

Ahhh you have made me so damned curious about everything!

Author's Response: Yeah, I still wonder why I write this sometimes, it's so confusing. LOL. But it's meant to be, strangely enough. It should start to become clear soon; it's only a short story, so it won't take long. It starts to in the next chapter. Hopefully. :)

Thank you. Sinister, really? Haha. Cool... Is it weird for me to think it's cool? :P

Thanks for the review.


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Review #45, by The_seeker12 The Writing on the Wall

11th December 2011:
I like it. :) It's kind of creepy, but not overly creepy, so it's all good.
I think you've pulled off Harry and Ron well. (I'm afraid of writing Hogwarts era/post-Hogwarts era because I don't want to mess with them.)
Good job.

-Merry Christmas from your secret santa ;)

Author's Response: I'm always afraid of writing Hogwarts/post-Hogwarts era for fear of getting them wrong, so saying I wrote them well is a big compliment for me.

Thank you. :D


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Review #46, by Phoenix_Flames The Writing on the Wall

1st November 2011:
Hi there! I'm here with your review as requested. First, I just want to apologize for the extremely long wait. I'm so sorry about that. I've been pretty busy with school work and such, and my queue has just been huge these days. So it took me longer than I would have hoped, but I finally made time for this. Thank you for being so patient! And I'm glad you requested!

This was a great opening chapter. I'm sure this will turn into a great story. You already have a wonderful set up, and I can't wait to see where you take it!

You started it off beautifully. It was captivating and it really pulled me in right from the start. I think the most important thing of the first chapter of a multi-chaptered is having an enthralling first chapter. It has to be gripping enough to want to keep your reader going. It has to make them want to read everything from start to finish, and you most definitely did that here in this chapter. You really pulled me in and now I just want to read more. And the fact that you ended it like that makes me only want to continue further on.

Really great! I like your character David. He is unique and original I think he is great, and I like how you didn't take ages to introduce him. I really don't like all the boring introductions, but I love it when the author uses the plot to further develop the character. That's fantastic.

I don't know who he is or if he will be truly good or bad, but I already like him. He seems like such an original guy, and I think I'm in love with his last name too, so that helps a lot. :D

It was good to see Ron and Harry together. You wrote their dialogue together so well. You could see the friendship between the two, and that's wonderful. It all flowed together so seamlessly.

I don't think I passed any mistakes. That's fantastic! There aren't any that I remember off the top of my head. Yay! And your descriptions were fantastic. You really brought it to life and brought the story off the screen.

With such a short chapter, you really made great progress in starting a wonderful story. I would love to see where you take this. Please come request when the next chapter is up! Brilliant job! :)

Author's Response: Hey. That's fine. I didn't mind the wait. I saw the queue. LOL.

Ah, David! I love David. For a special reason. ;)
You're he first person to say you love his last name. I may have to keep it now. :P

Harry is my main character, but I couldn't take Ron away. It's Harry and Ron forever! The non-slash bromance! :D

Yay! Description is not may strong point, so what you just said is amazing to hear!

Yeah, it so short because it's kind of just a prologue. :)

The next chapter is with my beta. I definitely will rerequest. You feedback is amazing. :)

Sam.


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Review #47, by slytherinchica08 The Writing on the Wall

27th October 2011:
Interesting beginning! I like how you started it out with the killers perspective and then flashed it forward a bit to Harry and Ron at the crime sceen. I like the line and how it comes to play in the story, very interesting. I think you have a good beginning on your hand it catches the readers eye and makes us wonder who the murderer is and why they killed this girl. I think it has a good setting for a Halloween challenge and I liked the mystery part of the story as well. It's a short introduction to your story but I think that it does its job well. I really enjoyed it! I wish you luck on the challenge. Great Job!

~Happy Halloween~
~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it so much and thank you for the luck in the challenge. :)

Sam.


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Review #48, by Violet Gryfindor The Writing on the Wall

24th October 2011:
This is a great start! I liked how you set the scene, first by showing the murderer just before the killing, then switching over to the investigation - it was just like the way it's done in television and films, and that really added to the atmosphere of the story. For some reason, it made it easier to picture what the scene would look like because you followed that familiar format. What's amazing, though, is how you integrated magic into the criminal investigation - very "CSI: Hogwarts", and it showed a lot of great creativity on your part to find ways to make magic work in that process so successfully. :D

There was one sentence that I wanted to point out to you that didn't flow very well: he found something his team had missed, he had almost missed. It should probably be "that he had almost missed" or "he had also almost missed" or "had almost missed as well" - it needs another word in there to keep it from sounding like a fragment.

This was a chilling chapter. I still can't get over the violence of the crime - using all three of those things at once means a heck of a lot of anger. The blood I suppose makes the most sense because it was needed to write on the wall, but also strangulation and the killing curse? It could be overdoing things, but it also demonstrates how absolutely insane this murderer is - it reminds me a bit of Jack the Ripper, too, but with a magical touch.

Great stuff! I definitely want to read more of this, once you have it. A good murder story is hard to find in fanfiction, and it'll be really interesting to see how Harry and Ron work together as detectives. :)

Author's Response: Yeah, those television and films are my inspiration. I don't think I actaully watch anything else (beside Peter Andre - but that's a different story :P)

Thank you! I'm glad the CSI/magic worked.

I will go back to that sentence. Thank you for pointing it out to me. :)

Yes, the killer is crazy. But the blood won't make sense with the wall (next chapter...). Hehe. Jack the Ripper was wgo I had in mind when I wrote this!

Thank you! The next chapter is ready, I just need to send it to my beta. Get ready for a lot of mystery. :D

I love reading reviews from you, Violet!


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Review #49, by AC_rules The Writing on the Wall

21st October 2011:
First off, I love the way you started it. Throwing me straight in with the whole mention of the knife really got my attention. It's a really grabbing beginning, what with the talk of the girl and such... Staring from the killer (at least I assume it was the killer 0.o) was a really great way to set the scene and such a clever way of pulling the reader in.

'This guy is disturbingly accurate'- Now, don't ask me why but I found that line kind of funny. Not in a bad way, I actually thought it was really good -a little of Ron's personality shinning through even straight after a murder :)

I also really like the way they're sort of detached from what's actually going on. It's kind of crazy that people can see a dead body and not throw up (I know I would) but necessary for them to actually do their job. I love the writing on the wall too. I'm so intrigued. A really great first hooking chapter :)

Characterisation: well, there hasnt been much of either Harry or Ron yet but they seem pretty in character to me. Especially given this is their profesion I like how sort of... calm Harry seems to be. Malloy? Intriguing.

As for technical stuff, the most I could fault for you grammar wise is that a couple of times there were a few commas that seemed slightly unnecessary but the flow is great and there were none of those awkward sentences that you sometimes find, when you have to stumble and read the sentence again

Really good! I'm glad you request and feel free to do so again :)

(How did I do for my first requested review? -nervous-)

-AC

Author's Response: Thank you! I watch a lot of crime based TV shows, so that's where I get my inspiration from (I think I was watching CSI: Miami at the time. LOL.)

I thought that. I was like "It's Ron, I'll keep it. It's a Ron thing to say." :)

I think they'd have to be detached; their jobs would suffer if they were too emotionally involved in any way. They have to be calm.

Characterisation - good. I tend to struggle with Harry and Co. But this is for a challenge, so I dove in with Harry and Ron. :)

Malloy? It was the first thing I could come up with off the top of my head. I'm still thinking of a new name.

I'll go back and edit those.

Thank you again for the review!

Sam.


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Review #50, by megaaan  The Writing on the Wall

9th October 2011:
This is very well written and very intense! I really enjoyed reading it, and I can't wait to find out who the murderer is, and also who the girl is! :P Love the characterisation of Harry and Ron too, and my only very very tiny criticism is that when I first saw the name "Malloy" I thought it was "Malfoy" and got thoroughly confused, haha.
Very well written!

Megan xo

Author's Response: Thank you! You find out the girl's name in the next chapter, but you don't find out why she dies until the end when all the puzzles are pieced together. :P

I actually did not notice that about the names until I read this review. Don't worry, they are totally different people and it's the only time you'll really hear his last name; Harry calls him David. :)

Thank you for reviewing!

Sam.


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