Keep going this is great! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you. :) Report Review
This made me smile. I love the bit at the end. It's goodl, keep going :)Author's Response: Thank you. :) Report Review
Aww this is so cute! Haha love itAuthor's Response: Thank you. :) Report Review
OMG! I love the way the story is going to, and I think your writing is also great.
When does the next chapter come out? It's been so long since you've last updated it! Allready waiting ;)Author's Response: Thank you. The next chapter is halfway done, so soon. :) Report Review
Aw, poor Oliver! I love the way you started this though. Such an interesting angle and way to portray the family, etc. I love it!Author's Response: Don't worry, Ollie's strong. :)
Thank you. Report Review
Great last line! This looks like an interesting story, I can't wait to read more. (:Author's Response: Thank you. :) Report Review
Well I have to say I love your story! And OMG Oliver is gay! =D I bet James will turn out to be gay and they will get together and live happily ever after after a big bang! =D
Ha Lily is just like I would imagine her being a full on gossip and spreading everything which happens in the family! :)
I can't wait to read the next chapter!!!
Have a good christmas!!
~BlameItOnTheNarglesAuthor's Response: Yay! Oliver is! James? Gay No... You'll see... ;)
Lily is awesome! And just how I#d imagine her at fourteen.
The next chapter is being written now.
Have a good Christmas, too!
Sam. :) Report Review
aww this is cute. please update soon.Author's Response: The next chapter is being written now. Thanks for reviewing. :) Report Review
Oo! Really different (for me at least) story haha but I like it. Random question though, who are the guys in your banner?Author's Response: The one on the left (Oliver) is Zac Efron. The one on the right (James) is Steven R McQueen.
I'm glad you like it. Thanks for reviewing. :) Report Review
Haha, I like the beginning of this story. I can't wait to see what the future chapters hold. Although, I was a little confused with the part about Lily telling Rose and Rose shouting through the floo network, and Oliver's words on the same line. Maybe you should make it more clear that only's Lily head was in the fire, and that she didn't actually leave the room.Author's Response: Thank you. The first two chapters are in the process of editing. :) Report Review
I'm back!! :)
Firs thing first, there are a few tiny slip-ups at the very start. For instance, the second sentence doesn't flow right, and probably because it's the very start, it stuck out more. "He leaned against the wall, one foot against it," - change it to , "He leaned casually against the wall, resting his foot up against the bricks,"- as the first sentence, it sounds like your saying the same sentence twice with different words. I seriously do not want to be so nit-picky, but I just thought I should let you know :)
Umm...why would he be in Witch Weekly? I know he's Harry's son and everything, but he's not that famous, if Harry had a reaction to it, his reaction would go into the paper and then what happened with James would be a story. That's just what I think.
I haven't read where Scorpius, Al and Lily were a trio...awe, that's so cute!!
I'm a bit confused, it just seems a bit too 'normal' that James and Oliver are friends, but they weren't before this, I think it would be nice to put in more references in this chapter to make that clear to the reader, because they seem to relaxed and don't have any major reaction when they are in the same compartment together.
Ooooh...So oliver is gay?? That's a surprise, you should have left that hidden for a while, so the reader could start quessing if he's straight or gay- that would be so much fun to read!!!
I really do hope you continue with this story!!! It's so interesting!!!Author's Response: It's going through editing, I want to make it better, so it flows right. I just don't know if I should leave it up or take it off. I'm leaving it up for now.
These reporters think they're manipulative; if something's being said about Harry's kids, he's gonna wanna get involved. Then he'll be in the papers. :)
Scor, Al and Rose, you mean? LOL.
They're not friends. They've just been in the same group of friends. James thinks maybe they could be friends. James has grown up with reporters following his dad and Oliver is just so used to gossip and rumors about him (you'll find out why later) that it doesn't faze them. At least not as much as it should.
How do you know Oliver is gay? He could just be saying that James isn't. It makes you think, though, doesn't it? You'll just have to wait and see. ;D
Thank you! I will be continuing it. :)
Also, from the last review, I forgot to say, the only reason it was Fanta and not pumpkin juice was because they were both in London, not in the wizarding world. :) Report Review
Saw that your name listed on one of my stories and so hopped on over to your page, got to say the summary of this caught my attention and I just had to read it!
And my thoughts on the first chapter.
Just a nit-pick, when James explains why his parents don't like strangers in the house, you could try and make it more natural, by breaking it up like "ďerm, my parents donít like strangers in the house," and he paused, looking through his clothes "mainly because of reporters..." and when the family are discussing it and James is trying to defend himself, you could add in a little more detail on their actions and facial expressions, or where they are each standing etc. On the same lines, it could do with a little bit more description throughout about what everything looks like or their emotions etc. You don't have to take my opinion, it would make it easier for the reader to get a fuller picture, that's all.
I don't know, but I would have gone with Pumpkin Juice instead of Fanta, this is probably just me, nothing against your Fanta or anything. :)
When Oliver comes into the room with them, you don't actually tell us that he's down, just what Ginny says. You could describe him standing on the stairs or the sound of his footsteps.
Oh, and when he talks to Harry, he talks really straight-to-the-point and normal, you should have him panick or stutter, this is the great Harry Potter he's talking to, give him a little panick-attack lol.
OH MY GOD! I am extremely sorry for making this sound something along the lines of a rant...PLEASE do not take it as one. I ADORE this story, it's cute and adorable, but needs a bit of work with grammar and description to make it easier to read. -sighs- I'm going to zip my mouth...here is what my review is suppose to say.
I ADORE the story you have here, and you've set up the scene for the rumour extremely well. I am going to favorite it and hop on over to the second chapter...I really do hope you continue with it, it has SO much potential.Author's Response: Hey!
Yeah, there are bits I definitely need to go over. I posted it for a challenge, but now it's over, I intend to go over it and edit it, before I post another chapter. More details and description will be added. Thanks for pointing it out for me. :)
I thought about it but as I developed Oliver's character, he just isn't that type of person, no matter who they are. That will be found out soon enough. :)
Thanks for reading it and I'm glad you like it. :D Report Review
I really like this idea. The fact that the other guy is someone who isn't in the 'famous people circle' makes it better; I get tired of those. And Oliver is pretty awesome so far. Update soon! :DAuthor's Response: Yeah, Oliver is just a normal guy, mixed up in James' life. I'll update as soon as possible. :) Report Review
Lol the poor excuse for an incognito disguise. Nice try, James. Nice try.
The opening scene was slightly chaotic, definitely like a train station would be. People were coming and going, talking and not talking, all blurring together. While that works here, make sure to give each character a defined voice through their dialogue. If you replaced Hermione's name with Ginny's for instance in the line where she said Sweetie, it would have made no difference :/ Make sure those personalities shine through ;) Like Lily, she's always a brat and doesn't even need to talk to have the read see it lol.
'I can't believe that I'm not even surprised Lily would do this to me.' -Seems like this should be two sentences instead of one...
Oliver's character intrigues me to no end. His camera makes me wonder about what he does with those pictures. Also, he's clearly gay-friendly, but let's see who is actually gay and not in the series lol. I'm very interested to find out! Again, poor James, I've got a feeling I'll be feeling that a lot throughout this series :P
Half and half? Is this a blood status thing *confused*
Ooff and the ending confused me more...James' attempt at a failed seduction? Is that what happened or what he was trying to do? I really couldn't tell :/ And what about Sarah's little comment there? Good for him as a gossip reporter or as a person who crushes on James? We shall see...I hope soon! Lol.
As I wrote last time, this chapter was fast-paced and an easy read. I found myself confused at the character's motivation and maneuvers at times like what James was trying to do; I couldn't picture it in my head nor do I think I got what he was trying to accomplish...or Oliver's reaction. I'm baffled to say in the least, so either I'm dumb (plausible haha) or those parts could be elaborated on and less unclear.
Otherwise, I don't have many critiques. This is the beginning to an interesting, and seemingly funny, plot :) I'm excited to see where this goes and where to you take James and Oliver, best of luck!
--NRBAuthor's Response: Hey again.
Haha. It wasn't the best but Harry wouldn't give him the cloak, James can't hide forever.
Yes, I will. They'll all be back. :)
It seemed like one sentence in my head and when I tried two sentences, I got the green line underneath it. So, I left it. :/
He carries his camera with him everywhere and his pictures are like memories.
Half and half - both male and female reproductive parts (think Rachel in Friends :P). we come back to it in Chapter three; if other people were confused, they won't be soon. :D
Oliver saying he would be a gossip reporter was a joke and James realised that, so, as revenge, he tried to make Oliver uncomfortable by pretending to seduce him. But Oliver knew that and it backfired. :)
Sarah's comment - Her and Oliver are best friends and he told her about his crush on James (yes, he is gay). She sees something about James that makes her think he might be gay... But you'll have to wait and see. ;)
No, you're not dumb! I always go back to things and have them elaborated on as the story continues. Things will (or should) become clearer.
I hope it's funny, I'm not so confident when it comes to writing humour. James and Oliver are in for a bumpy ride. ;)
Thanks for reviewing,
Heir. Report Review
'ello, SamMalfoy/TheHeirofSlytherin! It's me notreallyblonde44 from the forums here to do those reviews I promised you from way back when *heh* I'm sorry these are so delayed! I've been in a reviewing rut, so let's hope these are up to par!
First chapter read and complete; I didn't realize this was a series until the second chapter posted haha. I must admit I'm glad you made it into a series. I think this first chapter sets off a nice complicated whirlwind plot. Aldo, with where the first chapter stands, there is definitely more that can be done with such a storyline. I feel that rumors, gossips, and reporters will be prevalent throughout the fic and poor James. It's bad enough his family is on every mag, now his sexuality is. That's a terrible thing; it's like high-press bullying. Not cool :(
LOL Albus' Scorpius reference was hysterical, especially since so many (myself included) ship them in fanfic.
So far the pace of the story overall has such a nice feel to it. Very easy to read, I feel like I'm seeing a lot of what's going on. There could be a hint more detail and description here and there, like James' room or the house in general for instance, but the story is not hindered by these missing details...I'm just a description nut :P
As far as characters go, Lily is such a brat! It's entertaining and I love the way gossip runs through the family like the wind or something. Very quick and very unstable. Poor James. I like how Albus tries to defend him, which says a lot about his character. I curious about the development of James and Oliver's friendship already, especially considering the ending and that little thought that Oliver leaves James with. Interesting indeed!
Hmm the constructive points: definitely throw in some plot twists and keep James dynamic! I can kind of see plausible ways for this story to go already and while I will enjoy the ride with whatever way it does go, I hope the story keeps a fresh perspective :) I'm glad James isn't that typical James-Sirius carbon copy that we see in so my NextGen fics, so keep that up! A hint of more description wouldn't hurt like I wrote above, but otherwise this is a fun start -keep it up! Also, I didn't catch any surface errors, which is always a plus! Onto the next chapter :)
NRBAuthor's Response: Hey, NRB.
It wasn't meant to be a series, but I'm glad it is too. Complicated? Definitely LOL. Yes, poor James, I do feel sorry for James, but, let's not forget, he is a Potter. He's tough, I'm sure he'll be fine. :)
It's definitely not cool. You can never trust the press and what they say.
Albus/Scorpius. I ship them too. :D Won't happen in this story, though. I have plans for those two...
Description is my enemy, but I'm working on it. And we will be coming back to the house and James' bedroom.
I've read so many stories where Lily is quiet and nice, she needed to be a brat in this story; it's so much fun. Albus and James will fight and argue, as all sibling do (I know!), but they're really close. It'll show more as the story progresses. I think it's safe to say that James and Oliver's new "relationship" is going to be... Interesting. Definitely not the easiest.
There are absolutely (I say definitely way too much :P) going to be twists in this story. ;)
Thanks for reviewing,
Heir. Report Review
Nice new story!
I really like it hope it will go on very soon!
Hoping for more!Author's Response: Hell again!
More is coming! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Aww I like this. Very cheeky and fun. Good job. :) Nice use of the quote too! --JennaAuthor's Response: Thanks Jenna! I'm glad you like it. :) Report Review
Yeah. I like this. Please, do write more. Your characters are fun to read and I think I'm developing a weak spot for Oliver.Author's Response: I love Oliver, he's my favourite person in the whole world. LOL.
I will definitely be writing more, I love this story so much.
I'm glad you like it. Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
I'm starting to think James' actually gay. If he isn't, then certainly Oliver is. He doesn't seem all too bothered by everything ;)Author's Response: You'll have to wait and see. ;) Report Review
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