Reading Reviews for Seeing Double
  
113 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Tonks1247 VI

6th October 2012:
Ahhh! I don’t know why I keep taking long breaks between reading chapters! Honestly, it makes no logical sense cause every time I come back I’m always so drawn into the story and wanting to know what’s going to happen next…it’s crazy.

This really is one of those stories that is so addicting once I get into it. I love the use of the different tenses, the two stories in one, how each flows into the other…you really have a phenomenal style in this story and it gets to me every time. Between the style and your characters…they so come to life in my head and it’s so easy to forget which time period the story actually takes place in, though really it does occur in both time periods…

And this chapter? My number one compliment is your imagery and the real life connections you add in. My favourite section of this chapter is: “It’s as if you think they can’t possibly be showing the right time and that if you blink they’ll change back to the right time. They don’t change at all, and, as you watch, the second hand ticks round past the number twelve. Another minute’s passed. Time marches on, relentlessly, unaware of your disbelief.” Like seriously, this is me every night. I’ll start working on something and I’ll get so absorbed that I lose track of time. I then usually end up looking at the clock around 1:30 or 2 in the morning and am like, seriously? I should have been in bed hours ago! I have early classes tomorrow! It’s just really awesome how you put in such simple connections like that, as it really helps to solidify Molly’s character in my head. I can totally imagine her character.

One thing I did notice a couple times, as the nitpicky reader I can be, there are some places in the chapter where it seems like you use commas when you really don’t have to. And I’m not saying you have to fix them all and they’re distracting…but they are something I notice and sometimes I have to reread sentence to make sure I understand them the way you intend the sentences to be ready. One example I have is this sentence: “She hadn’t even blushed too much when Rodolphus had spoken to her, or made a fool out of herself.” It may just be the organization of this sentence but the pause that is supposed to be after ‘her’ with that comma is just a bit awkwardly placed. You could probably just take out the comma but I don’t know…it may just be the way I’m reading it too. But a little revision in comma use may be a good idea?

Otherwise, as I’m sure you’re sick of hearing from me, this was an excellent chapter! I really enjoyed it and may yet review another chapter before bed! Great job!

~Grimmerz

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Review #27, by Beeezie I

2nd October 2012:
Hey! Back again. :)

There were a lot of little details in this that I really liked and that made the story rich and vibrant to me. I loved the mentions of her family members in the beginning - you worked them in in a way that felt realistic and natural, and through a short mention of the last time they were all at the Burrow you gave me a good sense of Molly's place in her extended family. Later, when she's at dinner, I also felt like her thoughts about James and Fred as well as her conversation with Louis helped expand on what was already mentioned in the library.

Your portrayal of Molly from the start was also quite strong. You didn't make the narrative so overpowering that I felt like you were hitting me over the head with it, but there were a lot of subtle little comments that went a long way. Little things like how she has practise and discipline in abundance, how she'd prefer to be anonymous sometimes, how she's not interested in the family meetings (which, incidentally, are a neat idea), how she tries not to read when she walks because she tends to walk into people... you've really painted a thorough picture of who Molly is as a person.

I also like the fact that you haven't just leapt headfirst into the plot. I like the fact that you have taken the time to just develop Molly as a character, especially since from the prologue it seems like it's going to be a fairly character-driven plot.

There was really only one issue I saw in the chapter.

While I liked second person in the prologue, the fact that you seem to be sticking with it for the rest of the story gives me pause. In some ways, I do like it - it keeps a removed, eerie kind of feeling that I think works well with Molly's character and with the subject matter - but in others, I think that it's a bit awkward. Some of your descriptions in particular don't really flow naturally (especially around the scene in the Great Hall), and I think it's in part because they're being told in second person.

I'm going to assume that you chose second person for a reason, especially since, as I said, I think it probably will work well with the overarching plot, so maybe there's a way you can rephrase your descriptions to make them work better for the pov you're using. As it is, I feel like you're just writing the way one normally would, and just switched "she" or "I" to "you." Because "you" is a different perspective, I don't think it really works as well as it could.

What would someone talking to Molly - who is fixated on Molly - be paying attention to? What would they be saying? As you talk about Louis - saying that his voice told her he was grinning, that he rolled his eyes, etc - why does this person care? Personalise it. You're doing a great job of characterising Molly, but I think the narrator should have some sort of character, too. Otherwise, what's the point?

That aside, though, this was another great chapter, and I really enjoyed it. :)

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Review #28, by Beeezie Prologue

30th September 2012:
Hey! Sorry it's taken me so long - life got away from me. Ugh.

This was a great prologue. The prose was haunting and beautiful, and I thought that this was an excellent introduction to both the story and Molly herself. As a lit freak myself (which is oh-so-uncommon on HPFF, I know), the description of the library and Molly's feelings about books immediately pulled me in.

There were a few things stuck out to me as being a little awkward, though. As I said, the prose is lovely, but there were occasional mechanical things that felt a little awkward. For example, you capitalised "library" throughout the chapter, and I didn't really understand why - it's not a proper noun anymore than "dormitory" or "classroom" are. If it had a name (like the Forbidden Forest or the Great Hall), it would be capitalised, but as is, it just seemed unnecessary.

You also didn't always use dashes correctly - when you use two, it indicates an aside, and the part of the sentence before the first dash and the part after the second should fit together. In the third paragraph, Your exams are in just under five months, but you don't feel like it doesn't make sense. I think the second dash should be a comma.

I was also a little confused at the idea of Muggle books being in the Hogwarts library and especially the idea that Madam Pince is especially familiar with them. I always got the sense that most wizards know very little about Muggles or Muggle lit - I can see some books being included by Dumbledore or McGonagall, but not so many and to the extent that they'd be seen as "worn romances."

Okay. Those minor little things aside (sorry - you know me, I have to point them out. It's like a compulsion), this was amazing. I'm so intrigued and glad that this is for review swap so I have an excuse to read on, rather than adding it to my ever-growing "to read" list.

I think the thing that impressed me the most about this was how perfect it is as a prologue. For me, a prologue is supposed to reveal just enough to give you a sense of the world while still leaving many questions unanswered, so that you come back for more. The use of second person, the undercurrent of eeriness throughout the chapter, the few paragraphs about "she" - I just cannot praise this highly enough. I want to know where "there" is, and I want to know who "she" is, and I want to know what's going to happen to the girl and Molly. It's perfect.

As well, other than the couple minor issues I pointed out with the prose, this is beautifully written. There's a disconnected, slightly confusing sense to it, which IMO is a really good thing, because I feel like you're doing a great job of getting the reader into Molly's state of mind.

I'm glad that we were matched up. I think I'm going to enjoy this a lot.

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Review #29, by True Author Prologue

15th September 2012:
It's True Author from Bronze vs Blue review battle! =]
First of all, I must say this story is kind of diffrent. You wrote it beautifully, creating the suitable atmosphere for your plot. This plot is different and maybe hard to understand in the first chapter but maybe I'll be linked to this after reading the next chapter. =]
Oh and I think you should work on Victoire's charachterization in this chapter. You can do small changes like you should describe her a bit more. I mean her expressions.
Otherwise this is an engaging story! Well done!

Author's Response: Hey there and thanks for stopping by!

Gah, yeah it is a bit hard to understand at the moment - mostly because this is set about halfway through everything, so there's loads which has happened/is happening which you won't understand (and that was intentional, don't worry!). Sorry! I'm glad you liked the style though - it was just a whim when I started writing, so it's really great to hear that you think it works.

Yeah, Victoire's a bit weak in this one. She'll come up a lot more later, but I might end up coming back and fleshing her out a bit more... thanks for pointing that out! :)

Thanks so much for the lovely review!

Aph xx


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Review #30, by Jchrissy Prologue

29th August 2012:
What an intriguing prologue! So, something that stood out, you do a really good job writing in second person and still adding detail. I feel like for some reason detail is just ill fitting, either terribly undone or the imagery just doesn't fit, but this all felt extremely realistic and natural.

And I'm already so excited about what is going on with Molly!! It doesn't fit any one illness, does it have to do with the book? Is it something entire made up? Ah!

I love the originalty of this story, the feeling of tension just hanging over us and that desire to keep reading. Something that I also don't see done very often - creating the feeling of anxiety using really soft words. It's so beautiful when it's done well, and you've just blown that out of the water with this!

Amazing start, I'm excited to continue!!

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks so much! Second person was a bit of a risk when I started this, since I'd never written anything like this beforehand and so had no idea how it would turn out (or, actually, how it was supposed to turn out). Gah, I'm so glad the description works, since I tend to write far too much of it :) Thanks!

Mm... you'll have to wait to find out what's going on with Molly, I'm afraid - and you may be onto something by referencing the book... or you might not be. Who knows? ;)

Thank you so much! I really enjoyed writing this so I'm so happy to see that you enjoyed reading it (and may or may not have picked up on a couple of important things ;D).

Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

Aph xx


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Review #31, by Tonks1247 V

15th August 2012:
Oh my gosh…I don’t know why I ever let myself fall behind in reading this story. I adore the whole premise of the story and Molly’s character so much and I always find myself lost in the words that when the chapter ends, I feel almost lost. It really does make me wonder why I let myself fall behind, because it is just so fantastic…but I guess the benefit of being behind is I have another chapter to look forward to reading as soon as I finish my review xD

So. I love how you pick up this chapter from the last one. I don’t know what it is exactly about the transition, but Molly slowly waking up –waking up late yet besides- really gives a good correlation to the last one, with her awoken from this strange dream. It makes the connection with how off and weird this dream is for her with the fact that it is very abnormal for her to be getting up late. It gives that foreboding sense of something that’s about to go very wrong very fast and I just love that.

One thing in that first little bit, that I’ll mention now, is the working of the second paragraph. “Blinking repeatedly, although the light is gentle to your eyes and you adjust fairly quickly, you reach awkwardly for your alarm clock to check the time.” The wording, with the interjected part about the light being gentle on her eyes, was rather confusing. I got lost with that sentence and had to read over it a couple of times to catch what you were trying to say. I would suggest rewording the sentence so the added though doesn’t disjoint the sentence so much, if that makes sense?

I also love Louis teasing Molly about being late. It was just one of those moments that made me smile. The light teasing and the disappointment of Molly only being up late to read…it was funny. I could definitely hear the conversation in my head and could definitely hear the same conversation going on between my brother and I xD

With Arithmancy class, I love how O’Leary has to sit next to her. His character is definitely fascinating and Molly’s curiosity with him really makes me want her to talk with him more…to ask him questions and get to know him more so I can get to know him more. Definitely an intriguing character.

This also leads to one of my favourite lines of this chapter, which would be: “Scandal… the word repeats itself in your mind, a whisper. Malevolent, gleeful, curious. Scandal. // The lesson starts then, and the whisper goes away, retreating into the back of your head, muttering quietly to itself, that same, single word over and over again.” Don’t know why but just…I adore the flow and the word choice and just everything about this line.

What else…Oh, chess! I so adore Molly playing against Cassius Sadler in chess. I love the relationship of having these yearly competitions between these two when they really don’t talk to each other much. And I just…the entirety of the chess game has that anticipation to it of who’s gonna win and it’s easy to get drawn in to. And what made it even better was Molly complimenting his playing and letting him know he really is pretty good at chess. It developed her character in such a different way than I expected and it really added a good dynamic to that part of the chapter.

-One thing here: “All around the you, the room falls quiet, silent apart from the occasional whispered instruction to a knight or a pawn or a bishop and the rare scrape of a chair on the wooden floor.” –the ‘the’ before ‘you’ in the first section of this sentence is unneeded.

The rest of the chapter, of course, was amazing. I loved how the conversation with Dominique and how it really made Molly think. It gave her a different perspective on herself and of course further encouraged her to read more of the mysterious book as I really think her cousin’s words affected her… And then her not being able to answer the riddle [if it helps for anything, I definitely could not figure out the password when Molly first heard the riddle, but that’s beside the point xD] and Adonis coming up to let her in…it was good, but weird. Adonis’ character half scares me, half fascinates me. Would really love to know about his character a bit more too, cause gosh…he’s different.

Alright, I think that’s all I have…other than your word choice in this chapter is phenomenal. There were a lot of points in the chapter where I reread a sentence just because it sounded so elegant because of your choice of words. I’d give an example, but now that I’ve mentioned it I can’t find the really impressive places…but really, this was a fantastic chapter! I adored it and cannot wait to go on to the next chapter :D

Great job!
~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Hi Grimmerz! :) So great to see you back again!

Gah, thank you so much! I'm so glad you're still enjoying the story, it means so much to see you coming back and reviewing again! :)

I'm so glad you liked the beginning scene - I was a little nervous about it because it's not, I guess, very big or dramatic, but it's a step kinda thing, so yeah, I wanted to try and get this feeling of something being wrong or starting to go wrong, so I'm glad that came across!

Ooh, okay, yeah, I think I see what you mean about that now. Yeah, I'll definitely go over it again and see what to do about it - thank you for pointing it out!

Louis! I really love writing Molly's relationship with Louis, it's so much fun to write, so I'm so glad you like it! :)

Ah, O'Leary - yeah, I love writing him. I really like making all the male characters sort of... well, dramaticised typecasts of themselves. So they're all hyped versions of male romantic leads.

Gah, thank you so much! I do quite like writing the little malicious voice :P

Yeah, chess became a lot bigger of a thing in this than I intended it to, but I wanted to show her doing a hobby she loved - like Harry with Quidditch - and the idea of her having a rival, hence Cassius, was so appealing. That scene after the game was so much fun to write, because it meant I could develop both characters beyond what I'd previously put them as, which I liked. I'm so glad you liked it, though!

Ooh, thank you so much for spotting that - I'll edit it out! :)

Haha, the riddles are fun to include - I always have a go at them when I pick them but I can never get them either! I'm so glad you like Dominique and the password section, especially Adonis. He will come up more - he will be revealed in later chapters!

Thank you so so much for the wonderful review! :)

Aph xx


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Review #32, by EvannaBlackthorn I

17th July 2012:
I'm back again! :D And I'm finding myself at a loss of things to say that I haven't already said so forgive me if I'm repeating myself.
I thoroughly enjoyed the prologue before and I enjoyed this chapter just as much if not more! It's so well written that I find myself doing a Molly and getting completely taken in by it. The characterization is brilliant, I especially liked Molly's conversation with Louis and her musings about her cousins. And the ending. Its just so amazing. I will definitely be back to read this story again (hopefully sooner than the last time), so please keep going because it really is fantastic.

Author's Response: Hey again! It's so great to see you back :D

Thank you so much! I don't really have a huge family myself, so it was a bit difficult to try and capture how people think about their relatives O.o Louis is funny, lol. You'll see a lot more of him in future ;)

Thank you so much for the lovely review!

Aph xx


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Review #33, by Cavell VII

13th July 2012:
The effects the book is having on Molly slightly scares me o.O Her urge to go to the Slytherin table, her newfound ability to lie, the snarky thoughts about Muggle-borns - but all the same, the bit of Molly that is Molly is still there, and that's what scares me the most. She can still answer riddles effortlessly, still eager to read, blush, and think about Adonis, and can talk to her cousins without spilling out with some 'blood traitor' stuff. It's weird to think that while Molly's still there, Malea is too, and slowly, she's taking over her mind.

Something dangerous, but not deadly, which won't kill you but simply torment you day after day after day, until you're driven mad from the pressure, from the endless pain. You've heard the story about Professor Longbottom’s parents. You know it's possible. Geez, Laura. Way to give your readers a heart attack. Practically the same thing is happening to Molly, and here she is, talking about it during a lesson. It was a beautiful line, though, even if it was creepy - you have a brilliant way with words :)

All in all, fantastic chapter - though the fact that slowly, very slowly, Malea is closing in on Molly's mind and we're getting closer to see how horrifying the effects will be is a little daunting, I still loved this chapter :D Well done.

--Linn

Author's Response: Good! :D Lol, that's exactly the kinda effect I was going for, so I'm so glad you know I succeeded! I'm so bad at gauging what is/isn't subtle enough and all that kinda stuff... It is a bit creepy, when you think about it, isn't it? The idea of someone taking over your mind without you noticing or realising...

Haha, it's not really the same! :P I promise! Don't panic! Thank youuu! :)

Thank you so so much for this review (and I'm very sorry about the ages-late response...)! :D

Aph xx


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Review #34, by RHadley Prologue

6th July 2012:
Wow.

I've never read a story that presents someone with a mental illness quite like that, and to say I'm impressed is quite the understatement.

The way you've written this means that everything is very simple, easy to understand and yet all so subtle, it's the show don't tell rule at its finest, and it makes this story brilliant.

Reading the small final paragraphs - where she is finally mentioned, this second nature or consciousness is genuinely intimidating, if not actually scary, and that is very hard to do properly, so well done.

Loved it,
-RH

Author's Response: Thanks! :D It's not entirely a mental illness, actually, but it really does seem that way - and everything will be explained later on!

Gosh, thank you so so much! I'm so glad you like it! I tend to shove description in everywhere I can and be very long-winded, so I'm glad you like it!

Honestly, I have no idea how to make things scary - I really just don't, it never seems scary enough to me - so I'm really happy that it seems that way!

Thank you very much for this lovely, lovely review and sorry about the (incredibly) late response!

Aph xx


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Review #35, by WitnesstoitAll II

3rd July 2012:
Hey!! First let me apologize how dreadfully long this has taken me to review. First JunNo and then some internet troubles really managed to get in the way. But here I am at last!!

This was a great chapter! I'm continually amazed as how natural you make the second person sound. I struggle to maintain it for a short story, and here you are with a very well executed novel. -drowning in jealousy- :) You had said in your request that you were primarily concerned about the realism of you characters, and I'd like to tell you not to fret. I adore this cast that you've constructed. Molly is wonderfully three dimensional and the supporting cast is growing, too!! I really liked all the little details that you've included here that make your hogwarts corridors and classrooms feel like real places full of people. I think too often, people forget that characters outside of their MCs exist -- but not you! Your school feels very full and vibrant. I especially loved the inclusion of Professor Patil (Padma, I'm guessing?) and the inclusion of the charms lesson. It sounded so fun! I adore when stories set at Hogwarts actually feature their characters attending lessons and studying and such, because in my experience, there is more of that in school then anything else. Some stories feel like eternal weekends/holidays, but again, this feels very real.

The scene at the end was very cute! I approve of ship prefect!! :)

Great chapter, and again, sorry for the wait!
Melissa

Author's Response: It's fine, don't worry about it - I know sometimes RL drowns people ;)

Thanks! I'm pretty much making it up as I go along, so I'm so glad to hear that you think it's going all right. Haha, don't drown in jealousy - I had no idea how to even use it before I decided I would do it for an entire novel O.o

Thanks again! I love Molly to pieces - she's absolutely taken on a life of her own now (I'm currently writing chapter 12) and it's pretty cool. I know! I hate it when it seems like there's only a select group of students at Hogwarts, and no classes or homework or tests or anything. And yep, Professor Patil is Padma ;) I always have to include a canon 'Claw or two, just for fun! It took me so long to find a charm which they study in fifth year, though... but I think it paid off! :D

Haha, I'm glad it has your approval! ;) He will turn up again, never fear!

Thank you so so much for this review - it was very lovely! :D

Aph xx


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Review #36, by Ron 4 Hermione VI

16th June 2012:
Ahh, the last review! (sorry its took so long!)
-The characterisation is absolutely super- its totally believable.
-The plot is coming along nicely, I think your going at just the right pace.
-The story is absolutely great- flawless for any gramme or spelling mistakes!
Overall it's a tremendous story- keep up the great work! :) 10/10

Author's Response: Hey there - no worries about it! And gah, I'm so gutted this is the last one - I really loved getting these as they kept coming - they were such great things to wake up to! :) Thank you so much for all the compliments and all the support, and for all the reviews, too! :)

Aph xx


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Review #37, by Ron 4 Hermione V

16th June 2012:
Aww, she's has a crush- cute ;D
The story is still going strong and the second person pronoun is still working well!
10/10

Author's Response: Hi again! Haha, I'm glad you liked it! :) Thank you so much for the great review (as always - you've been an absolute gem!) and for stopping by once more! :)

Aph xx


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Review #38, by AC_rules V

16th June 2012:
Ah! I hate being behind on this story because I'm a little bit dotty over it. It's just so shiiiny and perrfecctt and I love reading it. I know you wanted a review on your new story but I couldn't resist getting a bit more caught up. Forgive mee!

So... I had this moment at the beginning of the chapter when I was really confused why she'd need forty minutes to get ready. I think it's probably because I considered waking up twenty minutes before I leave the house is early and it took me quite a few minutes to think ohwait, she's at the top of the Ravenclaw Tower, you silly billy.

I'd always be that Ravenclaw stuck outside. It was a really nice riddle, by the way, but I was just as clueless as Molly. Then there's that oh, obviously moment.

BUt, ack, this is coming along so nicely and I'm so excited just to be able continue reading for ever and ever and I actually can't wait for more! Molly and her various boys (oh dear, ahha) and with Dom... and her very real living in a fantasy world sort of thing.

I just love this story so much.

Insert more fangirling here.

Author's Response: Haha, it's fine, don't worry about it! :D I really don't mind at all ;)

I am exactly the same! I get up twenty minutes before I leave and that's only because I have to eat breakfast because it's difficult to eat food on the train. Not to mention kinda awkward. Haha, yeah, Ravenclaw tower is pretty high up. At least, it is in my mental picture-map-thing of Hogwarts.

Thanks! I'd probably be stuck with you, except for the odd occasion when I'd somehow manage to work it out. I have a list of riddles which I'm just going down - they're quite fun :P

Thank you so so much! :D It's so lovely to hear (see? O.o) that you're enjoying this story so much! :D :D :D

Aph xx


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Review #39, by Ron 4 Hermione IV

14th June 2012:
Sorry for taking so long; just exams and stuff!
Another good piece, really like the comparison " Eleanor pounces on the offered sentence like a starving man on a loaf of bread. "
Just what i said last time, making the diary easier to distinguish from the present day.
10/10

Author's Response: Haha, no worries about it - feel free to take your time! RL can't be stopped! :) I'm so glad you're still enjoying it - and I'll definitely try and remember to take that into account next time! :)

Aph xx


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Review #40, by Ron 4 Hermione III

10th June 2012:
Oohh, interesting!
-I like her interactions with her cousins, especially when they were sitting watching Louis and they all had there different ways off watching Louis which is good because normally in a story everyone is doing the same thing.
-the book, I'm intrigued to find out more about it!
10/10

Author's Response: Hey again - it's so great to see you back again! :) Thank you so much for the wonderful compliments and review - it's so great to get! :)

Aph xx


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Review #41, by Ron 4 Hermione II

9th June 2012:
Another good chapter
-The characters are interesting and the plot is moving along at a nice pace- I can keep up without thinking nothing is actually happening! (if that makes sense?)
1010 :)

Author's Response: Haha, don't worry - it does make sense! :P And thank you so much for the review! :)

Aph xx


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Review #42, by Ron 4 Hermione I

9th June 2012:
Good chapter!
-Its flowing well and the pace is just write too :)
-It's interesting finding out more about the characters, especially since it is through the yes of a character!
-it's going well 10/10

Author's Response: Gah, thank you so much for the wonderful compliments and the review! :)

Aph xx


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Review #43, by TheGoldenKneazle VI

9th June 2012:
Ahh I didn't realise that chapter seven was out! But I'm so glad I spotted it now, because I really feel like I'm becoming totally immersed in this story, with more Malea :D

I absolutely LOVED Malea's part in this! The way that it continued from the night she heard the two French speakers and led into her new resolve was absolutely perfect, as we were trying to guess what the new Malea would be like. The entire scene seemed very natural, and I was left feeling victorious.

All the characterisations were wonderful, too! You wrote Malea's expectations and observations of each person really clearly, and the airs and attitudes of the Purebloods were just brilliant. Malea's obvious feelings of hierarchy were felt perfectly, too, and her attraction and slight obssession with Rodolphus was reinforced totally.

For Molly's part, I love how you're showing her gradual immersion in the book. The description of how the scene was brighter than her other memories, and how she hadn't remembered ANYTHING gives us a sense of how deep in she's already getting, and it's so tense and exciting 8D

Absolutely wonderful job on this chapter - I'm outrageously excited for the next update (soon, please?) :3
~TGK

Author's Response: Haha, it's fine, don't worry - you're not late! ;)

Thanks! I really enjoyed writing this one, actually (normally I prefer writing Molly to Malea, tbh), and I think it's come across. Transitions of time are killing me with this story - there's so many of them! - so I'm glad you thought it worked!

Thanks so much! In my head, I've got a really, really clear definition of how I think purebloods and their society act and works, you know, so I'm glad you enjoyed it! Ooh yes, hierarchy and the obsession... totally obsessed. I never know if I'm going overboard, so it's good to know it worked! :D

Haha, I'm glad you're enjoying it! It is getting a bit tense - it gets more tense later, I think ;)

Thank you so so much for this review! How is it you manage to pick up on so much? :D Thank you!

Aph xx


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Review #44, by Ron 4 Hermione Prologue

8th June 2012:
Interesting-I've never read a fan fiction in second person before; it's good :)
-It sets the scene nicely and it left me with a lot of questions which is good because I would need to read on to find out more :)
A good piece of writing 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! :)

Aph xx


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Review #45, by LittleWelshGirl99 VI

24th May 2012:
NEW CHAPTER! YAY YAY YAY YA-

Ahem.

I've been stalking this story, be very afraid Laura :P

Wow, I'm always completely blown away by the quality of your writing! It's so perfect, and flowing, and distinguished. It's like an artist that paints all these vibrant scenes and images in my head that I drool over :D

Anyway, I'm sorry that I can't elaborate and stuff (I loved what happened in this chapter!) but I've literally just burnt my fingers on a pan and it hurts to type :/ (I'm an idiot!)

-Annon xxx

Author's Response: Haha, it's fine - stalk away! ;)

Gosh, thanks so much! It's ironic that you're using art as a metaphor because I'm utterly hopeless at art - just thought I'd share that because your comment made me laugh!

Seriously, it's fine - this review is so lovely already (short and sweet!) that it's really not a problem! Try not to do that too often - I've done that as well and it hurts so much! ;)

Thank you so much for this!

Aph xx


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Review #46, by Cavell V

12th May 2012:
Ah.. I've neglected reading the updates on my favourites list for a while, and I sorely regret it. This chapter, and the last, is as beautiful as ever - and wow, last chapter's story/diary/thing excerpt was amazing, I feel like I'm actually reading it there with Molly. I like Cassius, though, not Molly's golden Adonis at all. He's very sweet, though cocky - Cassius, I mean - but Adonis.. I don't know, I can't put my finger on it, I just don't seem to like him very much at all. Love the riddle, by the way - how on earth did Molly not get that?

Author's Response: Hey there again! :D

Thanks so much! I love writing this so much - I haven't been writing much of it (so kinda neglecting it myself) and I feel pretty guilty, lol. Cassius is adorable! Ah, Adonis... you don't like him? Not a fan of the strong, silent, gorgeous type? :P He isn't quite as bad as he seems in this chapter, I think, from memory. Haha, the riddle - I have a whole list of them on my computer and I'm just going down the list, so it was a complete coincidence, tbh :P

Thank you so much for this!

Aph xx


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Review #47, by academica I

11th May 2012:
Hey there! I remember reading the first chapter of this story a while ago and finding it interesting, and I figured I'd come back and check out what else has happened while I've been away :)

I'm sure I mentioned this before, but I really love your characterization of Molly. I think she's really interesting even without her little 'hidden' side, with her reserved nature and quiet confidence that masks a world of insecurity underneath. I like how you've managed to include her family members without typecasting them too much, even prankster James. I also like how close she is to Louis, almost like they were actually brother and sister. It'll be interesting to see the whole family together at Victoire's little "family meeting".

I also really love how you carefully describe everything Molly does and sees as she goes about her business. It's certainly a lot of text to get through, but it also paints a more thorough picture for me, and I think it's interesting to see what is changed and unchanged at Hogwarts in the next generation. It also makes it easier for me to follow the action.

I thought the ending here was really cute, and I'm interested to see what will happen between shy, complex Molly and this mysterious seventh-year. Also, I'd like to add that the lack of technical errors here really helps the flow, and it's easy for me to get lost in the story as I'm following Molly around.

Very nicely done! I'll be back for more later.

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey there - I remember you! :D Glad to see you back!

Thank you so much! I didn't actually plan much of Molly before writing her - this was originally done for NaNo - so she sort of wrote herself. She is quietly confident and very reserved, but... I dunno, she's still pretty normal, I guess. I really wanted her to be fairly average in terms of home life and personal problems and things. There'd be too much drama, otherwise :D I love writing the Weasleys, so I'm so glad you like them. Louis is amazing. Writing him is so much fun - he just practically bounces onto the page waving Chocolate Frogs, lol.

Thanks! I know I put a lot of description in - particularly in this - but Molly is a fairly observant person, so it kinda makes sense from that angle, and we never really saw places like the Ravenclaw Common Room in the books, except for once right at the end when we were too busy focusing on finding Horcruxes and things. I'm glad you like it though, and don't think it's too much :)

Haha, you'll have to wait a bit for that I'm afraid! But the seventh year will definitely come back. Definitely. He has a name and everything ;) The lack of technical errors is pretty much all down to my beta, who is absolutely amazing. There were commas all over the place before she exterminated them all :D

Thank you so much for this review - it was a really wonderful surprise!

Aph xx


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Review #48, by javct V

4th May 2012:
Gosh, how do you write such a beautiful story! In most stories I can usually pick out a flaw or two but for the life of me I can't find any in this story! You had hit the characterization on the head and I loved how you mentioned her parents (Percy especially) in this chapter.

I know how Molly feels, wanting to read a book (*cough*Pride and Prejudice*cough*) It's such a good feeling (one of the best in my opinion)

Do I detect a crush on Molly's behalf? (mindless speculation).

I adore this story! (did I mention that already?) I love the pace that you've set the story at; you've given the reader just the right amount of Molly's personal life and then the storyline as well (Does that make any sense? haha)

Great chapter (and story in general)
Once again, sorry about the wait!

Author's Response: Er... I don't know? Haha - seriously, though, I have no idea. It always feels like it takes me forever to write a chapter because they're so long and all the detail...

Thank you so much! I love Percy and really feel that a lot of people don't do him justice, casting him immediately as the bad guy in Next Gen, so I'm so glad you liked him.

I know! It's almost addictive, you know - like when you stay up late in the night to finish something simply because you can't put it down.

. perhaps you do, perhaps you don't ;) Either way, I couldn't possibly say, lol.

Thank you so so much! This was a really lovely, lovely review - I loved it when I received it and, quite honestly, I still love it now.

Aph xx


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Review #49, by apocalypse V

3rd May 2012:
Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review!

Firstly, I must say, that after the excitement and the awesomeness of the previous chapter, I'd expected something more in this chapter too. I just thought that I'd let you know that when there wasn't much progress, I was a bit disappointed. But not to worry, I'm sure there will be much more up ahead. =D

Anyway, over to characterisation: I think that I really liked Molly's character in this one. You took her another step forwards and showed us quite a few new sides to her. I think that the fact that she's good at chess suits her personality pretty well. For some reason, it made me really happy to know that she was involved in other activities apart from reading and working. =P

Also, I found it very interesting to see you add her thoughts on her parents here. It does give new perspective to her thoughts and I, for one, enjoyed reading about her parents. From her point of view, they sounded like any other normal parents would and that made me happy for her. I suppose it's a very good thing that she has normal life despite her personality.

One more thing, I know that it's essential for the story and that it's how Molly's characterised, but could you somehow, cut down on her thoughts and the details of it all? It's not annoying or anything but it gets boring in chapters like these. I would suggest that when you know that you'll be writing a chapter with little or no progress in it, then make sure that you decrease the thoughts and the detail a bit. I can't believe I'm saying this as I stress on detail and description in every other review; but sometimes, for the sake of your story and to keep your readers from losing interest and skipping paragraphs, you need to cut down on the huge amounts of description. Now, mind you, do NOT cut down too much that it's noticeable. Just so that it prevents me from wanting to skip ahead to parts with more action. =P This is just general advice though; you don't have to follow it. =)

Ah, Cassius. I suppose he's interesting? I don't think I could tell. You know that's another thing about your story. I hadn't been to pinpoint it before but I've noticed this just now that apart from Molly, Dom and Adonis, your other characters seem to be of very less importance even when they're introduced. Perhaps it's because of the lack of emotion on Molly's part but I can't seem to be able to remember them as anything other than random OCs. I suppose, as time goes by, I'll recognize there importance eventually. =)

Andd, I really like Dominique. You've created her and Molly's relationship very well. It's almost like Dom's her sister and not Lucy. Ah, Lucy. Ugh. That's the only way I can describe her judging from Molly's description. You know, it's sort of fitting as they're sisters but totally opposite. You don't get to see that everyday.

Her Adonis! I really liked that scene! I think it was pretty amusing and I had a lot of fun when Molly was embarrassed. It's just her luck. =P -"Instead of impressing him with your intelligence and charming him with your wit, you've appeared like a bumbling, blushing fool who fails to answer the simplest of riddles." - Something that made laugh SO hard that I had to clutch my stomach after that. Really, very hilarious. =P Okay, maybe it's not that funny, but still. At the moment when I read, it was. =P

Eh, plot. Um, Aph, I'm not sure how the plot actually progressed. I suppose you could say that it progressed in manner of characters but other than that, I'm sorry, but I didn't notice anything. =P I think you would know the progress better than me anyway. =)

Pace! As I've already told you, there were a few places where I felt like skipping ahead. But that wasn't because of bad writing or anything. The description and the attention to detail is quite amazing and will always will be for me, so you don't need to worry about that. The paragraphs seemed slower than usual, so I guess you're right in thinking that this chapter moved slower than usual. I don't that that's a very major problem, as long as the next one is amazing like the previous. =P I'm hoping it is, as she was on her way to read, after all. =P

Anything else? Nah, I think I'm done. Update soon, I'm loving the story and the second person! =) Until next time, good luck and Happy Writing!

P.S. I don't know if you remember and I don't remember if I told you, but the one-shot I'd written after being inspired from this story, got validated ages ago. So, if you'd like to check it out, it'll be great =D

Author's Response: Hey there!

Yeah, I thought that might happen... I mean, the last chapter was a fairly big one in terms of stuff happening... thank you for letting me know! There will be stuff coming up, I promise, just... well... I can't really remember when, lol.

Thanks! :D I wondered at first if it might be a bit Sue-like to make her good at chess as well, but it just fitted, you know? Also, I've always imagined Ron and Percy to be quite close as brothers, given they were kind of the ones who got picked on most, so it was a way to make Molly close to Ron as well. And a chance for someone other than George to be someone's favourite uncle :D

I really wanted her family to be normal. I mean, I really don't think Percy and Audrey would be bad parents at all, so I didn't want to go down the 'oh, I hate my parents, woe is me' route. Percy and Audrey will come more into it later, but I'm glad you like them so far! :)

Ooh, right, okay! Thanks for mentioning that! I know I often put huuuge amounts of description into things because I never feel they're described enough, so I'm so glad you mentioned that. I thik someone else has mentioned that as well before, so I'll definitely bear it in mind. I'll try and cut it down - talk to my beta about that, as well. Thanks!

Yeah, with the OCs there is a lack of emotion on Molly's part. She doesn't really consider them friends, as such, hence the sense of removal. Some of them will become much bigger parts of the story (as planned so far - this is subject to change :P) and others will still be minor. I suppose it's probably also coz I tried not to introduce them all in one go, it was more of a bit-by-bit thing, so it might not have worked quite so well... hm... I'll think about that. Thanks for mentioning it!

I'm glad you like Dominique - she's pretty awesome. Like Molly, she's a bit of an outsider (she's a Slytherin Weasley, after all) but she's so different to Molly as well. I really enjoy writing her.

Yes yes yes! Thank you so much! I'm so happy you got that! Molly and Lucy are completely different! I based a lot about them on a pair of twins I know (non-identical in their case) so I'm glad it's transferred well. Lucy's not so bad, though - at least, she isn't in my head :P

Haha, thanks! I wanted to include something like that because everyone's had one of those moments. You want to impress someone so badly, you mess it up completely or you're just distracted enough that by coincidence you end up messing up. Besides, it would have got boring if Molly got the riddle every time :P

Plot? What plot? Yeah, that might have been fault. I'm writing chapter 12 at the moment, so I'm at a completely different point in the story. After I read this review, I went back to check the chapter - and yeah, not much happens. Quite honestly, I'm not sure which chapter I was thinking of when I wrote the request O.o It's almost a weird amalgamation of chapters... sorry about that! :D There was some character progression though... I think...

Thanks for letting me know about that - there's so many details in this it's difficult for me to tell what the pace is, particularly because I know what will happen later on :P Oh gosh, that's a lot for me to try and live up to! Seriously - the pressure! :D

I hope you like the next chapter as much as the previous one ;)

Thank you so so much for this review - it was incredibly helpful and, gah, I'm just so glad you picked up on so many of the things I was trying to do. Thank you! :D

Aph xx


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Review #50, by javct IV

3rd May 2012:
Back!

I am so sorry for taking so long! Honestly, I wish I had a good enough excuse - school, work and lack of sleep doesn't seem good enough. But I'm literally falling asleep writing this so I apologize if it doesn't make any sense.

How do you manage to write this without confusing anyone? You've somehow managed to write an incredibly confusing storyline and make it make sense. I love this! The actual book that Molly picked up, it wasn't what I expected. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't that. I loved it!

So she's reading a book set back in the time of the Marauders? (Sorry, this is me half asleep)

I couldn't pick up any grammatical errors or anything (again).

Gah! I just love this story and can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter.
Jas

Author's Response: Haha, honestly it's fine! I know how life can sometimes jump up at you, so don't worry about it ;)

I don't know! Honestly, I have no idea. I occasionally confuse myself when I'm thinking through the details of the plot and how it all works...

Okay, the book. Yeah, this is confusing. Basically, she's reading the diary of a girl who went to school around the time of the Marauders, but I'm writing it like it's just happening... and, well, I can't tell you any more coz it would spoil the plot ;) Sorry!

Thank you so much - I'm so glad you still like it (and your review made perfect sense!)

Aph xx


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