What an intriguing prologue! So, something that stood out, you do a really good job writing in second person and still adding detail. I feel like for some reason detail is just ill fitting, either terribly undone or the imagery just doesn't fit, but this all felt extremely realistic and natural.
And I'm already so excited about what is going on with Molly!! It doesn't fit any one illness, does it have to do with the book? Is it something entire made up? Ah!
I love the originalty of this story, the feeling of tension just hanging over us and that desire to keep reading. Something that I also don't see done very often - creating the feeling of anxiety using really soft words. It's so beautiful when it's done well, and you've just blown that out of the water with this!
Amazing start, I'm excited to continue!!Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks so much! Second person was a bit of a risk when I started this, since I'd never written anything like this beforehand and so had no idea how it would turn out (or, actually, how it was supposed to turn out). Gah, I'm so glad the description works, since I tend to write far too much of it :) Thanks!
Mm... you'll have to wait to find out what's going on with Molly, I'm afraid - and you may be onto something by referencing the book... or you might not be. Who knows? ;)
Thank you so much! I really enjoyed writing this so I'm so happy to see that you enjoyed reading it (and may or may not have picked up on a couple of important things ;D).
Thank you so much for the wonderful review!
Aph xx Report Review
Oh my gosh…I don’t know why I ever let myself fall behind in reading this story. I adore the whole premise of the story and Molly’s character so much and I always find myself lost in the words that when the chapter ends, I feel almost lost. It really does make me wonder why I let myself fall behind, because it is just so fantastic…but I guess the benefit of being behind is I have another chapter to look forward to reading as soon as I finish my review xD
So. I love how you pick up this chapter from the last one. I don’t know what it is exactly about the transition, but Molly slowly waking up –waking up late yet besides- really gives a good correlation to the last one, with her awoken from this strange dream. It makes the connection with how off and weird this dream is for her with the fact that it is very abnormal for her to be getting up late. It gives that foreboding sense of something that’s about to go very wrong very fast and I just love that.
One thing in that first little bit, that I’ll mention now, is the working of the second paragraph. “Blinking repeatedly, although the light is gentle to your eyes and you adjust fairly quickly, you reach awkwardly for your alarm clock to check the time.” The wording, with the interjected part about the light being gentle on her eyes, was rather confusing. I got lost with that sentence and had to read over it a couple of times to catch what you were trying to say. I would suggest rewording the sentence so the added though doesn’t disjoint the sentence so much, if that makes sense?
I also love Louis teasing Molly about being late. It was just one of those moments that made me smile. The light teasing and the disappointment of Molly only being up late to read…it was funny. I could definitely hear the conversation in my head and could definitely hear the same conversation going on between my brother and I xD
With Arithmancy class, I love how O’Leary has to sit next to her. His character is definitely fascinating and Molly’s curiosity with him really makes me want her to talk with him more…to ask him questions and get to know him more so I can get to know him more. Definitely an intriguing character.
This also leads to one of my favourite lines of this chapter, which would be: “Scandal… the word repeats itself in your mind, a whisper. Malevolent, gleeful, curious. Scandal. // The lesson starts then, and the whisper goes away, retreating into the back of your head, muttering quietly to itself, that same, single word over and over again.” Don’t know why but just…I adore the flow and the word choice and just everything about this line.
What else…Oh, chess! I so adore Molly playing against Cassius Sadler in chess. I love the relationship of having these yearly competitions between these two when they really don’t talk to each other much. And I just…the entirety of the chess game has that anticipation to it of who’s gonna win and it’s easy to get drawn in to. And what made it even better was Molly complimenting his playing and letting him know he really is pretty good at chess. It developed her character in such a different way than I expected and it really added a good dynamic to that part of the chapter.
-One thing here: “All around the you, the room falls quiet, silent apart from the occasional whispered instruction to a knight or a pawn or a bishop and the rare scrape of a chair on the wooden floor.” –the ‘the’ before ‘you’ in the first section of this sentence is unneeded.
The rest of the chapter, of course, was amazing. I loved how the conversation with Dominique and how it really made Molly think. It gave her a different perspective on herself and of course further encouraged her to read more of the mysterious book as I really think her cousin’s words affected her… And then her not being able to answer the riddle [if it helps for anything, I definitely could not figure out the password when Molly first heard the riddle, but that’s beside the point xD] and Adonis coming up to let her in…it was good, but weird. Adonis’ character half scares me, half fascinates me. Would really love to know about his character a bit more too, cause gosh…he’s different.
Alright, I think that’s all I have…other than your word choice in this chapter is phenomenal. There were a lot of points in the chapter where I reread a sentence just because it sounded so elegant because of your choice of words. I’d give an example, but now that I’ve mentioned it I can’t find the really impressive places…but really, this was a fantastic chapter! I adored it and cannot wait to go on to the next chapter :D
~Grimmerz Report Review
I'm back again! :D And I'm finding myself at a loss of things to say that I haven't already said so forgive me if I'm repeating myself.
I thoroughly enjoyed the prologue before and I enjoyed this chapter just as much if not more! It's so well written that I find myself doing a Molly and getting completely taken in by it. The characterization is brilliant, I especially liked Molly's conversation with Louis and her musings about her cousins. And the ending. Its just so amazing. I will definitely be back to read this story again (hopefully sooner than the last time), so please keep going because it really is fantastic.Author's Response: Hey again! It's so great to see you back :D
Thank you so much! I don't really have a huge family myself, so it was a bit difficult to try and capture how people think about their relatives O.o Louis is funny, lol. You'll see a lot more of him in future ;)
Thank you so much for the lovely review!
Aph xx Report Review
The effects the book is having on Molly slightly scares me o.O Her urge to go to the Slytherin table, her newfound ability to lie, the snarky thoughts about Muggle-borns - but all the same, the bit of Molly that is Molly is still there, and that's what scares me the most. She can still answer riddles effortlessly, still eager to read, blush, and think about Adonis, and can talk to her cousins without spilling out with some 'blood traitor' stuff. It's weird to think that while Molly's still there, Malea is too, and slowly, she's taking over her mind.
Something dangerous, but not deadly, which won't kill you but simply torment you day after day after day, until you're driven mad from the pressure, from the endless pain. You've heard the story about Professor Longbottom’s parents. You know it's possible. Geez, Laura. Way to give your readers a heart attack. Practically the same thing is happening to Molly, and here she is, talking about it during a lesson. It was a beautiful line, though, even if it was creepy - you have a brilliant way with words :)
All in all, fantastic chapter - though the fact that slowly, very slowly, Malea is closing in on Molly's mind and we're getting closer to see how horrifying the effects will be is a little daunting, I still loved this chapter :D Well done.
--LinnAuthor's Response: Good! :D Lol, that's exactly the kinda effect I was going for, so I'm so glad you know I succeeded! I'm so bad at gauging what is/isn't subtle enough and all that kinda stuff... It is a bit creepy, when you think about it, isn't it? The idea of someone taking over your mind without you noticing or realising...
Haha, it's not really the same! :P I promise! Don't panic! Thank youuu! :)
Thank you so so much for this review (and I'm very sorry about the ages-late response...)! :D
Aph xx Report Review
I've never read a story that presents someone with a mental illness quite like that, and to say I'm impressed is quite the understatement.
The way you've written this means that everything is very simple, easy to understand and yet all so subtle, it's the show don't tell rule at its finest, and it makes this story brilliant.
Reading the small final paragraphs - where she is finally mentioned, this second nature or consciousness is genuinely intimidating, if not actually scary, and that is very hard to do properly, so well done.
-RHAuthor's Response: Thanks! :D It's not entirely a mental illness, actually, but it really does seem that way - and everything will be explained later on!
Gosh, thank you so so much! I'm so glad you like it! I tend to shove description in everywhere I can and be very long-winded, so I'm glad you like it!
Honestly, I have no idea how to make things scary - I really just don't, it never seems scary enough to me - so I'm really happy that it seems that way!
Thank you very much for this lovely, lovely review and sorry about the (incredibly) late response!
Aph xx Report Review
Hey!! First let me apologize how dreadfully long this has taken me to review. First JunNo and then some internet troubles really managed to get in the way. But here I am at last!!
This was a great chapter! I'm continually amazed as how natural you make the second person sound. I struggle to maintain it for a short story, and here you are with a very well executed novel. -drowning in jealousy- :) You had said in your request that you were primarily concerned about the realism of you characters, and I'd like to tell you not to fret. I adore this cast that you've constructed. Molly is wonderfully three dimensional and the supporting cast is growing, too!! I really liked all the little details that you've included here that make your hogwarts corridors and classrooms feel like real places full of people. I think too often, people forget that characters outside of their MCs exist -- but not you! Your school feels very full and vibrant. I especially loved the inclusion of Professor Patil (Padma, I'm guessing?) and the inclusion of the charms lesson. It sounded so fun! I adore when stories set at Hogwarts actually feature their characters attending lessons and studying and such, because in my experience, there is more of that in school then anything else. Some stories feel like eternal weekends/holidays, but again, this feels very real.
The scene at the end was very cute! I approve of ship prefect!! :)
Great chapter, and again, sorry for the wait!
MelissaAuthor's Response: It's fine, don't worry about it - I know sometimes RL drowns people ;)
Thanks! I'm pretty much making it up as I go along, so I'm so glad to hear that you think it's going all right. Haha, don't drown in jealousy - I had no idea how to even use it before I decided I would do it for an entire novel O.o
Thanks again! I love Molly to pieces - she's absolutely taken on a life of her own now (I'm currently writing chapter 12) and it's pretty cool. I know! I hate it when it seems like there's only a select group of students at Hogwarts, and no classes or homework or tests or anything. And yep, Professor Patil is Padma ;) I always have to include a canon 'Claw or two, just for fun! It took me so long to find a charm which they study in fifth year, though... but I think it paid off! :D
Haha, I'm glad it has your approval! ;) He will turn up again, never fear!
Thank you so so much for this review - it was very lovely! :D
Aph xx Report Review
Ahh, the last review! (sorry its took so long!)
-The characterisation is absolutely super- its totally believable.
-The plot is coming along nicely, I think your going at just the right pace.
-The story is absolutely great- flawless for any gramme or spelling mistakes!
Overall it's a tremendous story- keep up the great work! :) 10/10 Report Review
Aww, she's has a crush- cute ;D
The story is still going strong and the second person pronoun is still working well!
10/10 Report Review
Ah! I hate being behind on this story because I'm a little bit dotty over it. It's just so shiiiny and perrfecctt and I love reading it. I know you wanted a review on your new story but I couldn't resist getting a bit more caught up. Forgive mee!
So... I had this moment at the beginning of the chapter when I was really confused why she'd need forty minutes to get ready. I think it's probably because I considered waking up twenty minutes before I leave the house is early and it took me quite a few minutes to think ohwait, she's at the top of the Ravenclaw Tower, you silly billy.
I'd always be that Ravenclaw stuck outside. It was a really nice riddle, by the way, but I was just as clueless as Molly. Then there's that oh, obviously moment.
BUt, ack, this is coming along so nicely and I'm so excited just to be able continue reading for ever and ever and I actually can't wait for more! Molly and her various boys (oh dear, ahha) and with Dom... and her very real living in a fantasy world sort of thing.
I just love this story so much.
Insert more fangirling here.Author's Response: Haha, it's fine, don't worry about it! :D I really don't mind at all ;)
I am exactly the same! I get up twenty minutes before I leave and that's only because I have to eat breakfast because it's difficult to eat food on the train. Not to mention kinda awkward. Haha, yeah, Ravenclaw tower is pretty high up. At least, it is in my mental picture-map-thing of Hogwarts.
Thanks! I'd probably be stuck with you, except for the odd occasion when I'd somehow manage to work it out. I have a list of riddles which I'm just going down - they're quite fun :P
Thank you so so much! :D It's so lovely to hear (see? O.o) that you're enjoying this story so much! :D :D :D
Aph xx Report Review
Sorry for taking so long; just exams and stuff!
Another good piece, really like the comparison " Eleanor pounces on the offered sentence like a starving man on a loaf of bread. "
Just what i said last time, making the diary easier to distinguish from the present day.
10/10 Report Review
-I like her interactions with her cousins, especially when they were sitting watching Louis and they all had there different ways off watching Louis which is good because normally in a story everyone is doing the same thing.
-the book, I'm intrigued to find out more about it!
10/10 Report Review
Another good chapter
-The characters are interesting and the plot is moving along at a nice pace- I can keep up without thinking nothing is actually happening! (if that makes sense?)
1010 :) Report Review
-Its flowing well and the pace is just write too :)
-It's interesting finding out more about the characters, especially since it is through the yes of a character!
-it's going well 10/10 Report Review
Ahh I didn't realise that chapter seven was out! But I'm so glad I spotted it now, because I really feel like I'm becoming totally immersed in this story, with more Malea :D
I absolutely LOVED Malea's part in this! The way that it continued from the night she heard the two French speakers and led into her new resolve was absolutely perfect, as we were trying to guess what the new Malea would be like. The entire scene seemed very natural, and I was left feeling victorious.
All the characterisations were wonderful, too! You wrote Malea's expectations and observations of each person really clearly, and the airs and attitudes of the Purebloods were just brilliant. Malea's obvious feelings of hierarchy were felt perfectly, too, and her attraction and slight obssession with Rodolphus was reinforced totally.
For Molly's part, I love how you're showing her gradual immersion in the book. The description of how the scene was brighter than her other memories, and how she hadn't remembered ANYTHING gives us a sense of how deep in she's already getting, and it's so tense and exciting 8D
Absolutely wonderful job on this chapter - I'm outrageously excited for the next update (soon, please?) :3
~TGKAuthor's Response: Haha, it's fine, don't worry - you're not late! ;)
Thanks! I really enjoyed writing this one, actually (normally I prefer writing Molly to Malea, tbh), and I think it's come across. Transitions of time are killing me with this story - there's so many of them! - so I'm glad you thought it worked!
Thanks so much! In my head, I've got a really, really clear definition of how I think purebloods and their society act and works, you know, so I'm glad you enjoyed it! Ooh yes, hierarchy and the obsession... totally obsessed. I never know if I'm going overboard, so it's good to know it worked! :D
Haha, I'm glad you're enjoying it! It is getting a bit tense - it gets more tense later, I think ;)
Thank you so so much for this review! How is it you manage to pick up on so much? :D Thank you!
Aph xx Report Review
Interesting-I've never read a fan fiction in second person before; it's good :)
-It sets the scene nicely and it left me with a lot of questions which is good because I would need to read on to find out more :)
A good piece of writing 10/10 Report Review
NEW CHAPTER! YAY YAY YAY YA-
I've been stalking this story, be very afraid Laura :P
Wow, I'm always completely blown away by the quality of your writing! It's so perfect, and flowing, and distinguished. It's like an artist that paints all these vibrant scenes and images in my head that I drool over :D
Anyway, I'm sorry that I can't elaborate and stuff (I loved what happened in this chapter!) but I've literally just burnt my fingers on a pan and it hurts to type :/ (I'm an idiot!)
-Annon xxxAuthor's Response: Haha, it's fine - stalk away! ;)
Gosh, thanks so much! It's ironic that you're using art as a metaphor because I'm utterly hopeless at art - just thought I'd share that because your comment made me laugh!
Seriously, it's fine - this review is so lovely already (short and sweet!) that it's really not a problem! Try not to do that too often - I've done that as well and it hurts so much! ;)
Thank you so much for this!
Aph xx Report Review
Ah.. I've neglected reading the updates on my favourites list for a while, and I sorely regret it. This chapter, and the last, is as beautiful as ever - and wow, last chapter's story/diary/thing excerpt was amazing, I feel like I'm actually reading it there with Molly. I like Cassius, though, not Molly's golden Adonis at all. He's very sweet, though cocky - Cassius, I mean - but Adonis.. I don't know, I can't put my finger on it, I just don't seem to like him very much at all. Love the riddle, by the way - how on earth did Molly not get that?Author's Response: Hey there again! :D
Thanks so much! I love writing this so much - I haven't been writing much of it (so kinda neglecting it myself) and I feel pretty guilty, lol. Cassius is adorable! Ah, Adonis... you don't like him? Not a fan of the strong, silent, gorgeous type? :P He isn't quite as bad as he seems in this chapter, I think, from memory. Haha, the riddle - I have a whole list of them on my computer and I'm just going down the list, so it was a complete coincidence, tbh :P
Thank you so much for this!
Aph xx Report Review
Hey there! I remember reading the first chapter of this story a while ago and finding it interesting, and I figured I'd come back and check out what else has happened while I've been away :)
I'm sure I mentioned this before, but I really love your characterization of Molly. I think she's really interesting even without her little 'hidden' side, with her reserved nature and quiet confidence that masks a world of insecurity underneath. I like how you've managed to include her family members without typecasting them too much, even prankster James. I also like how close she is to Louis, almost like they were actually brother and sister. It'll be interesting to see the whole family together at Victoire's little "family meeting".
I also really love how you carefully describe everything Molly does and sees as she goes about her business. It's certainly a lot of text to get through, but it also paints a more thorough picture for me, and I think it's interesting to see what is changed and unchanged at Hogwarts in the next generation. It also makes it easier for me to follow the action.
I thought the ending here was really cute, and I'm interested to see what will happen between shy, complex Molly and this mysterious seventh-year. Also, I'd like to add that the lack of technical errors here really helps the flow, and it's easy for me to get lost in the story as I'm following Molly around.
Very nicely done! I'll be back for more later.
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hey there - I remember you! :D Glad to see you back!
Thank you so much! I didn't actually plan much of Molly before writing her - this was originally done for NaNo - so she sort of wrote herself. She is quietly confident and very reserved, but... I dunno, she's still pretty normal, I guess. I really wanted her to be fairly average in terms of home life and personal problems and things. There'd be too much drama, otherwise :D I love writing the Weasleys, so I'm so glad you like them. Louis is amazing. Writing him is so much fun - he just practically bounces onto the page waving Chocolate Frogs, lol.
Thanks! I know I put a lot of description in - particularly in this - but Molly is a fairly observant person, so it kinda makes sense from that angle, and we never really saw places like the Ravenclaw Common Room in the books, except for once right at the end when we were too busy focusing on finding Horcruxes and things. I'm glad you like it though, and don't think it's too much :)
Haha, you'll have to wait a bit for that I'm afraid! But the seventh year will definitely come back. Definitely. He has a name and everything ;) The lack of technical errors is pretty much all down to my beta, who is absolutely amazing. There were commas all over the place before she exterminated them all :D
Thank you so much for this review - it was a really wonderful surprise!
Aph xx Report Review
Gosh, how do you write such a beautiful story! In most stories I can usually pick out a flaw or two but for the life of me I can't find any in this story! You had hit the characterization on the head and I loved how you mentioned her parents (Percy especially) in this chapter.
I know how Molly feels, wanting to read a book (*cough*Pride and Prejudice*cough*) It's such a good feeling (one of the best in my opinion)
Do I detect a crush on Molly's behalf? (mindless speculation).
I adore this story! (did I mention that already?) I love the pace that you've set the story at; you've given the reader just the right amount of Molly's personal life and then the storyline as well (Does that make any sense? haha)
Great chapter (and story in general)
Once again, sorry about the wait!Author's Response: Er... I don't know? Haha - seriously, though, I have no idea. It always feels like it takes me forever to write a chapter because they're so long and all the detail...
Thank you so much! I love Percy and really feel that a lot of people don't do him justice, casting him immediately as the bad guy in Next Gen, so I'm so glad you liked him.
I know! It's almost addictive, you know - like when you stay up late in the night to finish something simply because you can't put it down.
. perhaps you do, perhaps you don't ;) Either way, I couldn't possibly say, lol.
Thank you so so much! This was a really lovely, lovely review - I loved it when I received it and, quite honestly, I still love it now.
Aph xx Report Review
Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review!
Firstly, I must say, that after the excitement and the awesomeness of the previous chapter, I'd expected something more in this chapter too. I just thought that I'd let you know that when there wasn't much progress, I was a bit disappointed. But not to worry, I'm sure there will be much more up ahead. =D
Anyway, over to characterisation: I think that I really liked Molly's character in this one. You took her another step forwards and showed us quite a few new sides to her. I think that the fact that she's good at chess suits her personality pretty well. For some reason, it made me really happy to know that she was involved in other activities apart from reading and working. =P
Also, I found it very interesting to see you add her thoughts on her parents here. It does give new perspective to her thoughts and I, for one, enjoyed reading about her parents. From her point of view, they sounded like any other normal parents would and that made me happy for her. I suppose it's a very good thing that she has normal life despite her personality.
One more thing, I know that it's essential for the story and that it's how Molly's characterised, but could you somehow, cut down on her thoughts and the details of it all? It's not annoying or anything but it gets boring in chapters like these. I would suggest that when you know that you'll be writing a chapter with little or no progress in it, then make sure that you decrease the thoughts and the detail a bit. I can't believe I'm saying this as I stress on detail and description in every other review; but sometimes, for the sake of your story and to keep your readers from losing interest and skipping paragraphs, you need to cut down on the huge amounts of description. Now, mind you, do NOT cut down too much that it's noticeable. Just so that it prevents me from wanting to skip ahead to parts with more action. =P This is just general advice though; you don't have to follow it. =)
Ah, Cassius. I suppose he's interesting? I don't think I could tell. You know that's another thing about your story. I hadn't been to pinpoint it before but I've noticed this just now that apart from Molly, Dom and Adonis, your other characters seem to be of very less importance even when they're introduced. Perhaps it's because of the lack of emotion on Molly's part but I can't seem to be able to remember them as anything other than random OCs. I suppose, as time goes by, I'll recognize there importance eventually. =)
Andd, I really like Dominique. You've created her and Molly's relationship very well. It's almost like Dom's her sister and not Lucy. Ah, Lucy. Ugh. That's the only way I can describe her judging from Molly's description. You know, it's sort of fitting as they're sisters but totally opposite. You don't get to see that everyday.
Her Adonis! I really liked that scene! I think it was pretty amusing and I had a lot of fun when Molly was embarrassed. It's just her luck. =P -"Instead of impressing him with your intelligence and charming him with your wit, you've appeared like a bumbling, blushing fool who fails to answer the simplest of riddles." - Something that made laugh SO hard that I had to clutch my stomach after that. Really, very hilarious. =P Okay, maybe it's not that funny, but still. At the moment when I read, it was. =P
Eh, plot. Um, Aph, I'm not sure how the plot actually progressed. I suppose you could say that it progressed in manner of characters but other than that, I'm sorry, but I didn't notice anything. =P I think you would know the progress better than me anyway. =)
Pace! As I've already told you, there were a few places where I felt like skipping ahead. But that wasn't because of bad writing or anything. The description and the attention to detail is quite amazing and will always will be for me, so you don't need to worry about that. The paragraphs seemed slower than usual, so I guess you're right in thinking that this chapter moved slower than usual. I don't that that's a very major problem, as long as the next one is amazing like the previous. =P I'm hoping it is, as she was on her way to read, after all. =P
Anything else? Nah, I think I'm done. Update soon, I'm loving the story and the second person! =) Until next time, good luck and Happy Writing!
P.S. I don't know if you remember and I don't remember if I told you, but the one-shot I'd written after being inspired from this story, got validated ages ago. So, if you'd like to check it out, it'll be great =DAuthor's Response: Hey there!
Yeah, I thought that might happen... I mean, the last chapter was a fairly big one in terms of stuff happening... thank you for letting me know! There will be stuff coming up, I promise, just... well... I can't really remember when, lol.
Thanks! :D I wondered at first if it might be a bit Sue-like to make her good at chess as well, but it just fitted, you know? Also, I've always imagined Ron and Percy to be quite close as brothers, given they were kind of the ones who got picked on most, so it was a way to make Molly close to Ron as well. And a chance for someone other than George to be someone's favourite uncle :D
I really wanted her family to be normal. I mean, I really don't think Percy and Audrey would be bad parents at all, so I didn't want to go down the 'oh, I hate my parents, woe is me' route. Percy and Audrey will come more into it later, but I'm glad you like them so far! :)
Ooh, right, okay! Thanks for mentioning that! I know I often put huuuge amounts of description into things because I never feel they're described enough, so I'm so glad you mentioned that. I thik someone else has mentioned that as well before, so I'll definitely bear it in mind. I'll try and cut it down - talk to my beta about that, as well. Thanks!
Yeah, with the OCs there is a lack of emotion on Molly's part. She doesn't really consider them friends, as such, hence the sense of removal. Some of them will become much bigger parts of the story (as planned so far - this is subject to change :P) and others will still be minor. I suppose it's probably also coz I tried not to introduce them all in one go, it was more of a bit-by-bit thing, so it might not have worked quite so well... hm... I'll think about that. Thanks for mentioning it!
I'm glad you like Dominique - she's pretty awesome. Like Molly, she's a bit of an outsider (she's a Slytherin Weasley, after all) but she's so different to Molly as well. I really enjoy writing her.
Yes yes yes! Thank you so much! I'm so happy you got that! Molly and Lucy are completely different! I based a lot about them on a pair of twins I know (non-identical in their case) so I'm glad it's transferred well. Lucy's not so bad, though - at least, she isn't in my head :P
Haha, thanks! I wanted to include something like that because everyone's had one of those moments. You want to impress someone so badly, you mess it up completely or you're just distracted enough that by coincidence you end up messing up. Besides, it would have got boring if Molly got the riddle every time :P
Plot? What plot? Yeah, that might have been fault. I'm writing chapter 12 at the moment, so I'm at a completely different point in the story. After I read this review, I went back to check the chapter - and yeah, not much happens. Quite honestly, I'm not sure which chapter I was thinking of when I wrote the request O.o It's almost a weird amalgamation of chapters... sorry about that! :D There was some character progression though... I think...
Thanks for letting me know about that - there's so many details in this it's difficult for me to tell what the pace is, particularly because I know what will happen later on :P Oh gosh, that's a lot for me to try and live up to! Seriously - the pressure! :D
I hope you like the next chapter as much as the previous one ;)
Thank you so so much for this review - it was incredibly helpful and, gah, I'm just so glad you picked up on so many of the things I was trying to do. Thank you! :D
Aph xx Report Review
I am so sorry for taking so long! Honestly, I wish I had a good enough excuse - school, work and lack of sleep doesn't seem good enough. But I'm literally falling asleep writing this so I apologize if it doesn't make any sense.
How do you manage to write this without confusing anyone? You've somehow managed to write an incredibly confusing storyline and make it make sense. I love this! The actual book that Molly picked up, it wasn't what I expected. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't that. I loved it!
So she's reading a book set back in the time of the Marauders? (Sorry, this is me half asleep)
I couldn't pick up any grammatical errors or anything (again).
Gah! I just love this story and can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter.
JasAuthor's Response: Haha, honestly it's fine! I know how life can sometimes jump up at you, so don't worry about it ;)
I don't know! Honestly, I have no idea. I occasionally confuse myself when I'm thinking through the details of the plot and how it all works...
Okay, the book. Yeah, this is confusing. Basically, she's reading the diary of a girl who went to school around the time of the Marauders, but I'm writing it like it's just happening... and, well, I can't tell you any more coz it would spoil the plot ;) Sorry!
Thank you so much - I'm so glad you still like it (and your review made perfect sense!)
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LauraLauraLauraLaua!!! Gah, I've been looking forward to reading this all week and thankfully Review Tag has prompted me to ignore homework :)
AND YAY I LOVED IT (AS USUAL) 8)
Ahah, I can completely relate with poor Molly's oversleeping and the sudden panic you always get from it! At least in Hogwarts she doesn't need to catch a train to school though, which makes oversleeping just that harder to get away with :P
Oh, I was just laughing myself into stitches imagining Molly's strange desire to brush the blond boy's hair for him! :') Oh my god, that's just such a legendary line!!
I really like what happens in this chapter- the way the events build up. When the voce asks 'what building has the most stories' I was thinking of 'storeys' !? So actually I have just thought of quite a good riddle (ahem): 'What building has the most stories?' (Person thinks they mean storeys) The Empire State Building? No, a library.
Right, sorry. I'll shut up x)
Annon xxxAuthor's Response: AnnonAnnonAnnonAnnon! Hi! :D Yay - ignore homework! ;) (No, don't, you should do it *cough*)
Haha, thank you! :D
I know! I was about to say 'me too' and then I realised I don't really panic as such... but yeah, it's not too difficult for her to get away with it - not that that matters to her, lol.
Brush brush brush... :P I re-read that bit after I saw this review, and I kinda get what you mean... it is kinda funny, lol. Thanks! :D
Thank you so much! Haha, nice riddle :P
Haha, don't worry about it - it's fine!
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This was another brilliant chapter! I am still amazed at how well you keep it all in second person. I think it adds to it really well. =)
I liked Molly's characterization. I like how you show us that she is smart when it comes to playing chess, but she is not so snobby about it like I have seen her written in other stories. It's been a relief to read about her in a good light because I was worried that it was how people always portrayed her. She shows a wonderful caring side in this chapter with Cassius and I liked how she wasn't able to answer the riddle. It made her more human and more relatable.
I am still worried about the book that she started to read and how it has started to throw her off. Like waking up late and what not. I am excited to see what else happens with it, even though I am nervous.
You've done a wonderful job with the description and the pace along with the flow has been consistantly well balanced and smooth throughout the chapters I've read so far. It's nice and steady.
Overall, I think this is just an amazing story. I have become very fond of reading about Molly. I love her character and the way you have brought her to life in the story. I love the way you describe the scenes and atmosphere. The pace and flow are well balanced and smooth. I am worried about that book though. Thank you for writing something so intriguing to the mind!
Keep up the great work! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Haha, thank you! It's got so much easier as I've gone along... I dunno... it just fits, I guess.
Thanks! I know, I've seen a couple of snobbish Mollys (and Lucys, too) so I knew at the beginning that I wanted to stay away from those sorts of lines. Molly's such a perfectionist, so it's fun to play around with her character - setting up Cassius as an opponent (and a close one too) and giving her riddles she can't do. I'm so mean to my characters, but ah well. Thank you!
Haha - you should be! ;) Yeah, more stuff will definitely happen with it, although you won't find out everything until... a certain point. (I haven't got to that bit yet, lol).
Thank you! I always worry about that - particularly when things get more dramatic, you know? It always feels faster to me, and I wonder if it's the same for everyone else and it just doesn't work...
Thank you so so much for this! I love this review! You've targeted everything I'm worried about, you've picked up on the book (which is key to the plot :D), you're understanding my characters so perfectly... gah, it's just amazing! Thank you so much!
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Aah I loved all the new sides we're seeing to Molly! I'd been wondering when the chess part of it might come in, and it was brilliant how you wrote her with her opponent. Cassius sees ordinary but unique, and very real because of it - somebody who likes playing chess and who desperately wants to beat Molly.
It was interesting how Molly over-slept too. The absolute panic she was in showed how much she liked her fragile control, and I can't help wondering how Malea is affecting her in that case. The scandal is still somewhere between the two girls, and I so want to find out how it will affect the both of them!
I feel so sorry for poor Molly, being told how unsociable she is, and making a silly mistake in front of her Adonis. It's so humiliating for her, but I loved the comparison to Percy, because it /is/what he was like, and it does make sense. I want to see some of Lucy, though, too - she's someone lurking in the background at the moment, and I look forward to meeting her :)
Absolutely gorgeous chapter, though, and I can't wait to read the next one! :D
~TGKAuthor's Response: Hey there!
I actually play chess very badly, so that's why this came in so late, lol. Writing it was surprisingly difficult, and I actually cut a bit of it during November (cutting words during NaNo? A crime, I know!) because I hated it. Cassius is sweet - he will turn up again, so I'm glad you like him!
Exactly! Ooh, gosh, I'm so happy you got that! Yeah, she has her routine and as long as she sticks to it everything's fine - but as soon as it breaks (even slightly) it's the end of the world! Plus, she nearly missed breakfast. That is the end of the world, lol. Ooh, the scandal... it will affect one of them more than the other... but I won't say which one ;)
I know! It's such a common mistake, though, I think, to just freeze up, particularly in front of someone you like. Percy is probably one of my favourite Weasleys (not that that says much since I love all of them) because he's so unexplored, and such a wonderfully complicated character. The father-daughter bond will be important later on, as well ;) Lucy... Lucy will come into it at some point. Not for a while, though - and this is deliberate, I promise.
Thank you so so much! It's so incredible that you keep following this - thank you so much for that as well!
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Omigosh we met Malea! 8O I love how she was different to Molly, because she was a Slytherin and more calculating, but she was very similar too. Their mannerisms were just close enough to be reminiscient of one another, and I love how you showed her obssession with Rodolphus and all of her family in just one short scene! The third-person-POV also seemed to work better for her, somehow; her slightly cold manner made it much more fitting to have a little distance.
And the flickers of Molly getting into Malea's head - they were wonderful! I love how they're being a little introduced already, and Molly's reaction to them too. It seems so dreamlike at the moment, but I can't wait to see how they're progressed.
I'm so intrigued by the little incident with French Boy and Bad Girl at the end! It seems like it was Molly who heard them, but I'm not sure if some Malea slipped in there too - and I feel like it might be Louis, since he's French and all, but that's sort of a red herring too since he's obvious, but is /that/ a red herring too? And I really like Louis D:
Eep, off to read the next chapter! 10/10!
~TGKAuthor's Response: Haha, I love your enthusiasm! :D It's so wonderful! Yeah, they are kinda similar, aren't they? It was completely unintentional - mostly - since when I planned it, I didn't want it to be like they were mirrors of each other or incarnations or anything like that. They're entirely separate people. Thrid person... yeah, it does suit her a little more, I guess (honestly, I never thought of it like that before), but I mostly chose it for contrast :P
Thank you! :D Ah, yes... I'm not quite sure what to say here, since I don't want to give anything away... er... they're significant? :P
Haha, French Boy and Bad Girl! I like those nicknames... ah, they're brilliant! I may start using them myself, lol. Ooh, nice guess! I can't say anything (that seems to be recurring theme in this response... sorry!) but it is a nice guess :P And I like Louis too - he's so adorable in a very unadorable way, if you know what I mean.
Thank you for this really lovely review! :hug:
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