Reading Reviews for Down Comes The Night
  
59 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Maty Chapter Five

26th September 2012:
Hello!
I love Helga Hufflepuff, even if I don't really like Hufflepuff house very much! Your Helga is wonderful, exactly as I've always imagined her to be: carefree, happy, the perfect match to the mysterious Salazar! Nice job, really! I hope you will update soon!
Kiss

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for stopping by! I'm so glad you like Helga and Salazar. They do make a great match for each other, don't they? :) And I'm working on ch. 6 now, so hopefully it won't be too much longer before I can update. Thanks so much for the review...it means the world to me!

--Maggie


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Review #27, by StormThief17 Chapter Five

19th September 2012:
Hi, it's me!

This ending...I wanted chapter 6 so badly. Helga is in such an intense position. I can't see any easy solution, and I don't want to see Helga hurt. I've become quite attached to her :).

Salazar's attitude towards Godric made me so angry. Like really mad. But now of course I'm even more curious about what happened that made him the way he is!

I have one comment/critique for you: what's happening with Elaine during all of this? Is she the only other adult besides the Founders or are there others? If she's the only one, how does she feel about the camaraderie between the founders and does she feel left out? If there are others, who are they and what are they like? I think you just need to work Elaine in a bit more. I'm always wondering where she is during the chapter.

The plot is really getting interesting, and you've created a lot of suspense. The cool thing is that you've created that suspense without using a bunch of action or anything violent really, it's just the relationship between Salazar and Helga, and both of their secrets. Keep up the great work!

-Kathryn

Author's Response: Kathryn! I'm so excited you stopped by!

Aww I'm glad you're attached to Helga! And I totally know the feeling. While I was writing, I just felt so awful for her :( And Salazar's motivations are sort of murky right now, but more will be revealed soon (like, next couple of chapters soon.)

You're so right about Elaine! She does get some time in the next chapter, but I definitely see what you mean about just leaving her hanging in this chapter. I'd love to go back and edit this when I get a spare minute, and I will definitely keep your critique in mind :)

I hoped to keep raising the stakes and upping the drama as the story went on. And I've learned that I tend to be better with character-driven stuff than plot-driven. I'm so happy it's keeping you interested!

It means so much to me that you came by to review! I'm working on ch. 6 now, so hopefully it won't be too much longer till I can update again. Thanks again for your great comments :)

--Maggie


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Review #28, by SnitchSnatcher Chapter Five

15th September 2012:
Guess who's back again? :P

The pacing of this was quite lovely, actually. There was just enough action and intrigue that I was kept interested and entertained throughout. I'm so happy for Godric, angry at Salazar for spoiling the moment, proud of Rowena for being able to cheer Helga up, and scared for Helga's decision. She's got a lot on her plate now, doesn't she?

I'm still very curious about Salazar's past and why it is that he hates Muggles so much. I might be going out on a limb here, but I have a feeling that someone he loved - perhaps his parents or a sibling or someone - was captured by Muggles and burnt at the stake or something equally horrible. It'd explain the fear of fire. At any rate, like I said, I'm very curious to see how that will play out!

Your concern about this being interesting is silly. If anything, the story is only getting more intriguing with every chapter. As far as length goes, I found myself wishing for more of this. This is truly one of the better Founders stories I've read on this site, and certainly one of the very that portrays Helga as something stronger than an almost overbearingly nice woman.

Yet another great job!

- Molly

Author's Response: Hi Molly! Thanks so much for reviewing!

I'm glad you were happy with the pacing of this. I actually am planning on going in and expanding on the library scene a little, just to add in some more detail. And I'm really happy you found something memorable about each of the Founders in this chapter. Poor Helga...I certainly don't envy her.

I love that you're making predictions! I don't want to give anything away, but I will say that the big reveal will take place very soon, like in the next chapter or two. I'll re-request when I have the next chapter up, and I hope I can answer some of your questions soon :) But I'm also really glad you're still intrigued!

Haha, thanks for the reassurance. Once again, I'm so happy you're enjoying this, and that you like Helga as a character. I'm trying to give her some depth and complexity, and it seems like I'm doing a pretty good job of accomplishing that :)

Thanks again! Ch. 6 is partially written, so hopefully I can get it in the queue soon. I'll definitely re-request when I do!

--Maggie


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Review #29, by Jchrissy Chapter Five

13th September 2012:
Hi darling! I feel so sad for Helga, what a horrible position. You've made these characters all very complex and I think you're doing such a great job at following through with their personalities. And Helga's feelings when Salazar told her that he is left with that sense of hope, ahh! I could seriously feel myself getting all mushy for her! Haha!

So, I know you're worried about this chapter being dense and long, and I have to say that your worries show. It's under 4,000 words, a few of my favorite stories range around 8,000 word chapters. Ignore your chapter word count, if it goes over 9,000 split it up because (i've learned from writing a 10,000 word one) that's just too long. But I could feel you kind of rushing each scene in this, mostly the boggart one. Everything happened too quickly and too smoothly, I think that would have been a wonderful section to show more dynamics of their friendships. Playful arguing, throwing around some suggestions before going with the charm we know what it ultimately ends up as.. that scene wasn't bad by any means, I kind of just felt cheated at the chance to see the four of them really interact. And I think you only wrote it that way to keep your word count low.

I really don't think there's anything in here that should be cut out, and I think you transitioned from scene to scene very smoothly. The jumping in time, absolutely not confusing or done poorly. It makes it clear that time has passed but doesn't seem out of place, it's wonderful.

I feel like *you* think this chapter is kind of a filler. Character development is easily the most important things to some stories. You're showing us your characters in this! This chapter is about getting inside their heads and you do it beautifully, so don't be afraid to expand on some of the scenes.

I'm really looking forward to how Helga is going to tell Salazar! I wish he didn't have such set ideas of what is okay and not. Poo. Slytherins ;).

I hope this was helpful, and please PM me if I've been too vague or anything! I can't wait to read the next chapter!!

Jami

Author's Response: Hey Jami! It's so great to hear from you, and thanks so much for this review!

I'm glad you sympathize with Helga here; she definitely has a lot to think about, that's for sure :/ And it's great to hear that the characters are still developing well for the most part.

You're so right about the word count thing. I was really concerned about keeping it low, so I didn't really explore the scenes as deeply as I could have. Honestly, I'm not even sure why. I was just super paraniod about bombarding the reader with too much all at once. But I don't want to sacrifice the dynamics between these characters, so I want to go back and edit this when I have a chance. I'm really glad you pointed out the fact that you felt rushed...it gives me a gague for how I'm doing, and now I know that I don't have to worry so much about word count in the future :)

I was worried about the time jump too, but it's really reassuring to hear that it didn't feel wierd. And I'm glad you're still looking forward to what happens next! Like I said, your comments make me want to go back and edit this chapter a bit, just to settle the pace down and delve into the characters a little more. This story has been a learning experience for me so far, and I'm so grateful for your suggestions! I think they've really helped me improve :)

Thanks again for coming by! I've got a good chunk of ch. 6 written, so hopefully it won't be too much longer. I'll re-request when it's up!

--Mags


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Review #30, by SnitchSnatcher Chapter Four

12th September 2012:
Back again already, you say? Why, yes I am!

As always, this was a great chapter. I thought there was a good flow to it. In particular, I enjoyed seeing Helga interact with one of her students. And don't get me started on how much I enjoyed the Helga/Salazar moment in there. Just enough tension that I was waiting for something, anything, to happen and it didn't. If I didn't know this romance, for want of a better word, would be a long one, I'd be disappointed but at this point, it's really great build-up, the first stepping stone of many to come. I'm excited to see what their future will hold!

As far as Helga's fear goes, I think it's very believable especially for a woman in her time. In a world where men dictate how everything goes, it's only natural that she fears a gilded cage. I fear it too, and I wasn't even born in that time! Haha. I'm actually a little claustrophobic myself so I thought it was very realistic.

And Salazar? He was fantastic as per usual. I do think it's plausible that he's capable of warmth and compassion. How else would he have been such great friends with all of the Founders if he wasn't?

Overall, lovely job you've done here!

- Molly

Author's Response: Hey Molly! It's great to see you back :)

I'm really glad you liked this one! It was fun to write Helga in teacher mode; I can just see her being a compassionate motherly figure to her students. And I don't want the Helgazar situation to move too slowly, but I do also want to build things up a little before anything big happens. I'm glad it's not too boring yet (but if it does get tedious to read, please let me know :P)

You know, I never really thought of Helga's fear that way, but it makes so much sense for her to fear being ruled by a man. I just pictured her as claustrophobic, but that's such a cool way of looking at it! And I'm glad you thought Salazar's softer side was believable here :)

Thanks for coming by! I'll re-request as soon as I can :)

--Maggie


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Review #31, by Moonyxluna Chapter Three

12th September 2012:
Hi Maggie! I'm here with your requested review :)

So, I actually did get most of this chapter read when we swapped... but god if I could get one extra second to review on that day? Nope. But that's okay! Because hopefully I might actually be able to be helpful re-reading it :)

I really liked the way you wrote Salazar's mannerisms through Helga's eyes at the start of this chapter. Every little detail she spoke of his actions just fit the situation so well and I think it worked with his out-of-mind dialogue. It really fit her concerned personality, and his hardened one, so well. I really do love your imagery through the whole thing in that regard.

One thing I love is how you've taken the traits each of the Founders looked for in their students, and you've worked them in so subtitle, but in such a recognizable way. Like with Rowena. You don't go out-right and say "She's smart, she's witty", but you just write her that way. It really makes the characters come to life from what little we know about them.

Oh my Godric, the part with Gryffindor! Seriously, so adorable. I am a little bit curious though about the fact that she's a muggle. I mean, I certainly don't want to have her leave but I know that Hogwarts had the protection that all Muggles could see from the school would be a "mouldering ruin with a sign warning them to keep out, that it's unsafe" - I hope that she's able to stay!

I loved Elaine, and that whole scene in the kitchen. You've got a small cast, and it really gives the chance for even more minor characters to come out in their own light and be loved.

You asked about more imagery. I really think you've done a lovely job talking about their mannerisms and the things surrounding them. The only place I could possibly think that I would have liked to see a little bit more of inner monologue from Helga would be her thoughts on Salazar's actions -- or, lack thereof -- as she watched him at dinner. Maybe just another sentence or two during that scene? I felt like that was the only part that ended a little too quickly.

YES :) it sets up suspense. I can't wait what happens when they confront the Boggart tomorrow. I'm kind of curious... so, it's Salazar with the fire, so I'm wondering what Helga's will be. And of course I'm wondering how it's going to affect their -- hopefully -- budding romance.

Honestly, I told you before but I'm so in love with this story. Keep up the great work hun. Of course, please do re-request!

-Julie

Author's Response: Julie, hey! I'm so glad you got a chance to come by! And oh my goodness, I completely get it. RL can be crazy :/ But thanks so much for this review!

I just tried to imagine how Helga would react to Salazar in that situation, seeing him so troubled by the boggart. And I've said it before, but everything Salazar says or does is a challenge for me to write. So I'm really glad that scene worked well, and they stayed true to themselves as characters :)

Ahh, I'm so happy you're liking the Founders! I really wanted to give them the distinctive traits their houses are known for, but without stereotyping them too much, you know? And it's also great to know the "show don't tell" thing is working well; that's something I think we've all had trouble with at one point or another :)

It's so awesome that you're picking up on future conflicts about the Muggle issue at Hogwarts. I don't know how big a part that will play for Elaine in this story, but I definitely see it as a point of contention for the founders at some point. I'm still working out the details :) And I love working with a small cast for the exact reason you said. It lets me explore each character a little more deeply, and it's so fun :)

I will definitely look into adding to that dinner part a little bit. Thanks for the suggestion! I see how a little more detail there would be good :)

I'll be re-requesting as soon as I can, so hopefully you won't have to wait too much longer to see the rest :) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. This made my day!

--Maggie


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Review #32, by SnitchSnatcher Chapter Three

11th September 2012:
Back again with your requested review!

I must say, with every chapter that I read, I continue to enjoy this more and more. You have such a way of writing Helga as a believable, well-rounded, and likable character. She's not a pushover or overly kind. She's got backbone and she shows it, albeit not as abrasively as anyone else might, but that's what makes her unique - that's what makes her Helga. In short, I really love your characterization of her.

I never thought I'd say these words, but poor Salazar. Obviously whatever happened to him concerning fire must have been truly awful otherwise he wouldn't be so scared. It was jarring, really, to see him in such a state. It was also very believable, so again, I commend you for that.

I'm really starting to enjoy Helga and Salazar's interactions and find myself wanting more. That's not to discredit Helga's interactions with other characters, which are just as fabulous and entertaining to read. I particularly liked the scene with Rowena; I felt like we got to see her softer side, which is lovely as many people portray her as a stuffy, good-two-shoes. And Elaine seems like a sweetheart indeed.

I know you were concerned about the description, but you have nothing to worry about. It was all very nicely constructed and executed throughout, painting a vivid enough picture that I knew what I should be visualizing without shoving it down my throat. Also, the entire chapter was very compelling in that I wanted to find out exactly what was going on with what I'm supposing is the boggart in the store room. So yeah, no issues with suspense either!

All in all, a very fantastic job!

- Molly

Author's Response: Wow, you're back! I'm so impressed with how fast you review...I had a review thread for a while and I was super slow :/ But anyway, thanks so much for this!

I really wanted to show a strong side to Helga with this story as well as her kindness...you know, to shake up the Hufflepuff stereotype a bit :) And I'm really glad she seems well-rounded. I tried not to make my characters too one-sided (something I've had trouble with, but who hasn't?)

More will be revealed about Salazar's boggart later, and his connection with fire. So I don't want to say too much yet, but he's definitely troubled. And I worried a little bit that his reaction would be wierd or off somehow, so it's great to know that it seemed realistic :)

There will be more Helgazar moments to come, definitely! And I'm really glad you liked Rowena. She's growing on me more and more as I write her, and I wanted to show a side of her that isn't typically seen, like you said. Elaine is one that I'd love to write more about; she is really sweet, and a great match for Godric.

I can't thank you enough for this! You've addressed everything I was concerned about, and I feel really reassured now. It definitely motivates me to keep writing! I'll be back to re-request :) Thanks dear!

--Maggie


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Review #33, by marinahill Chapter Five

10th September 2012:
Oh wow. This was soo good. It's very rare to find a founders fic this realistic and it's so wonderful to read. Your characters come alive - their tone and dialogue are both perfect for the era and their characters too. Salazar's thoughts on muggles were chilling to read, and I felt so sorry for poor Helga, stuck in the middle. I liked Rowena too, because she was practical and logical and gave Helga some great advice. I hope Salazar will forgive Helga for not telling him, but I suppose he has to find out sooner or later and I can tell she's worried about whether he'll leave or still like her or not. I really enjoyed reading this!

Marina

Author's Response: Hi Marina! Thanks so much for reviewing this chapter...I've been dying for feedback on it! I'm so happy to hear that the characters feel real. My goal was to have them be authentic to the era, and yet I still hoped people would be able to connect with them.

Salazar's got some issues. I can't think of a better way to put it :/ And Helga definitely has a lot to think about right now. I'm glad you feel for her, because I definitely do too! And I see Rowena being a great voice of reason for her, so it's good to know that came across.

Thanks again! I really appreciate this :D

--Maggie


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Review #34, by SnitchSnatcher Chapter Two

9th September 2012:
Hey there, it's Molly from the forums with your requested review!

First off, let me say that I was so thrilled to see that your review request was for a Founders fic - and a Helga/Salazar no less! I actually read the first chapter before I read this, just because the plot interested me, and I was not disappointed. You might not have requested that chapter for a review but I must say that I was really impressed by how accurately and strongly Helga's voice came through. Sometimes that can get lost in first person narratives, strange as that sounds, but I felt very comfortable with her by the time I started reading this chapter; she was familiar and I trusted her.

That said, I was not at all let down by this chapter. If anything, I want to skip ahead to the next one because it's that good!

I know you were worried about your characterization of Salazar and I must say, this is probably one of my favorite ones yet. The bit in the first chapter when she turned him into a cat? Absolutely priceless. I am glad that I read the first chapter, though, otherwise I wouldn't have known what Helga was talking about - a small thing that wouldn't affect any other reader as they would've read the first chapter. Anyway! I digress - Salazar's characterization is, in a word, delightful. I love that he's a pureblood, yes, but he is by no means noble in terms of his status in society. Most Founders fic that I've read cast Salazar as a proud noble so to see him come from such humble - for want of a better word - roots is so refreshing. I also liked that yes, he was cold towards her but once they started to engage one another in conversation, he loosened up - and in the dungeons of all places! I suppose that's where he would feel most comfortable...anyway, I thought his sense of humor was very believable for someone who goes through such an effort to put on the airs of being cold and proud. Not that those are necessarily airs, of course, but you get what I mean. :P It's nice to see that he is capable of acting warmly towards his fellow Founders, something I was worried about when we first encountered him. It appears I worried for no reason at all, haha.

I'm already in love with the dynamic you've established between Helga and Salazar as well as her relationships with Rowena and Godric. They're all very believable and enjoyable.

As far as plot goes, it's very engaging! The pacing was nice, starting off smoothly and slowly easing us into the action. Ending on that cliffhanger was brilliant, I might add! Definitely makes me want to read the next chapter - and the next and the next! I'm going to go out on a limb here and says that the creature they're investigating is a Boggart and that Salazar's is fire? Interesting! I can't wait to see how you incorporate that into the story. In fact, I'm just really eager to see how this is all going to play out and where the plot is going to go.

You've done a great job with this chapter. It's a good follow-up to the first, giving just enough exposition to flesh out the characters but not so much that I'm snoring, waiting for interesting things to happen. Also, might I add that your descriptions are delicious? Again, just enough that when you do go into detail, I find myself smiling as I picture it. Very well done.

This is great story you have here. I'm definitely going to continue onwards, so don't be surprised if you get a few more reviews from me on this.

- Molly

Author's Response: Hi Molly! Wow, what an in-depth review. I love it! Thank you so much for making time for this :)

I'm glad you read the first chapter too, and that you got a good feel for Helga's voice as a narrator. She's just a pleasure to write :) Salazar is more difficult since I've never really met anyone like him. But I did want to make sure he didn't come off as completely evil, just proud. He's definitely able to work with the other three and even make friends with them. I love that you picked up on the fact that he's more comfortable opening up when he gets to the dungeons! That's how I imagined it, and you're the first person to mention that. So cool!

The relationships are fun to explore, especially between Helga and Salazar. Everyone has unique dynamics together, and I'm really trying to bring that out. So happy you liked it!

Pacing has been a big issue for me with this story, and I actually had to go back and start this from scratch since the plot was going too fast (this is actually version 2.0 of this story.) So I'm especially relieved to know the plot is moving at a good pace, and that it's intriguing. And you're right about the creature: it is a boggart, and Salazar's fire will play an important role later :)

I'm so glad you liked this! I really appreciate all your comments, and I'll definitely be back to re-request for ch. 3 :) Thanks again!

--Maggie



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Review #35, by Moonyxluna Chapter Two

5th September 2012:
Hey Maggie! Thanks for the review swap!

So I am in love with this story so far. I did read a little bit for the Keckers but re-reading it now I am just in love.

The language, Helga's voice, god she's fantastic. I don't really read to many founders (okay.. so maybe like two in my FF career :p) but I think you've done such a great job capturing a certain sense of poise for her and it fits so well with the Era and her Puff-ness.

I love the way you have written the setup of tension between Helga and Salazar. They're both witty and I love the banter, but you can really get each of their house personalities from their voice. Rowena was also lovely here, and Godric was so fun in the first chapter.

Your use of a boggart was awesome. I really enjoy when Authors use canon details such as that and I think you took the concept very gracefully.

You are not the only one who watches, Hufflepuff. I just happen to be better at it. - my favorite line. I'm in love with these two.

Cliffhangers.. I love them and I loathe them! I have to keep reading! I haven't noticed any grammatical errors yet, so really great work there. The only thing I could say is you're a bit comma heavy, but then again so is everyone :p

Honestly though, brilliant work here, Maggie. Keep up the great work! (I just have to keep reading now :D)

-Julie

Author's Response: Hey, Julie, thanks for swapping with me! I'm really glad you decided to do this chapter. This story is kind of my baby right now, and I love any feedback I can get :) And I'm so happy you're liking it!

I think Helga is my favorite character I've ever written, so I'm especially glad to hear you like her too :) And Salazar has definitely been a challenge to write, but at the same time it's been a lot of fun to get inside that mind of his. Rowena and Godric will get a little more time to shine in later chapters, so I hope you continue to enjoy them :)

Ahh that line! I could just see Salazar saying that, so I had to include it! And I'm glad the ending makes you want to keep reading...that's the goal, after all :) I'll also be looking into the comma thing. Sometimes it's just hard to know what to do with them.

Yes, please do keep going! I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and thanks again for swapping with me!

--Maggie



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Review #36, by TheHouseElf Chapter One

26th August 2012:
Wow, this is definitely going on my favourites! I loved it :D Normally, I don't like Founders fics and I have the review thread in the common room to thank. Your characters are very realistic and are exactly what I expected the founders to be like. Great job!

Author's Response: Ahh! Thank you so much for favoriting! That means the world to me :D I'm glad this story has changed your mind a little bit about Founders stories, because there are some great ones out there! I'm so happy you think the characters seem authentic, because that's something I've been working at a lot. Thanks again for coming, and I'm so psyched that you liked this!

--Maggie


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Review #37, by slytherinchica08 Chapter One

25th August 2012:
I decided to do this one for our review swap as I've never really read fouders before so I thought that this would be fun and different to read and I was right! I loved it! I'm always nervous about reading founders fics as I can't stand story's with long words that nobody uses any more and this chapter didn't have any of those so that made me rather happy. Also your description in this chapter was wonderful as well and loved the playfulness that was tied in at the ending. For a beginning, this did a great job getting me really interested in your story and wanting to read more of it (which I just might have to if I have time). It was fun to read and just flowed really well. The pacing was also wonderful. I think that you have done a good job capturing the different founders as well, Slytherin being the git thinking he is better than everybody else but also very distrusting of everyone, Ravenclaw the smart one always thristing knowledge, Gryffindor is certaintly courageous by getting wands during a time that it is punishable, and Hufflepuff is the loving type who keeps everyone on task and diffuses the tension. It was very enjoyable! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the swap! I'm so glad you decided to review this, and that you enjoyed it!

I did try to make it easy to read and accessible (I totally know what you mean about the confusing Old English stuff), so I'm glad it came across that way. And that ending scene is one of my favorites in the whole story so far (I just have to laugh at the image of Salazar as a cat), and I'm so happy it gets you interested in reading the rest!

I worked hard to get the characters right, and to keep them true to what their houses represent. They each have an important place to fill in the foursome, and I'm so glad you saw that :)

Thanks again for coming by! I'm glad you had fun reading this, and I hope you get a chance to read on sometime!

--Maggie


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Review #38, by BoOkWoRm24 Chapter Three

23rd August 2012:
Hi here with your requested review

Sorry for the obcenely long turn over time, I went away for a week and then I got pnuemonia, so my reviews have just been getting pushed back and back and back. But I'm here now right?

So again I thought this was aa very good chapter. I really love Hufflepuff's narration I think of all things, its the narration that really brings out the best characterization in this story. It definitely seems of the past and I can clearly see the personality coming out. But then I think I've already told you this.

Again I think you've still got your characters down. Everyone seems extremely realistic, and I liked meetting Godric's wife in this chapter. I think its different by the way that you've already given him a happy family, and I think I love the fact that you've written it that way.

There was one aspect that I think you could work on though. This chapter felt like a lot of dialouge, and I thought that was fine. I wish that you would add some more narration between the dialoug though. For instance when Helga was talking to Elaine you had the dialouge but then in between each statement you had a bit of Helga's thoughts or a snippet of what was happening around her. That part was excellent. I think if you could extend what you did there it would improve this chapter a lot. Not only would your paragraphs look a bit meatier instead of just having one line then an enter and then another line, but when you add things like that it makes your writing seem much more mature. You don't have this issue throughout the chapter. You seem to go in and out of it. But yeah I thought I'd point it out

Anywho overall this was another excellent chapter. So keep up the good work

-BW

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for the awesome review! And I'm sorry you've been sick, but I hope you're feeling better now :)

Hey, don't worry about telling me things twice...I love to hear it! I'm trying to show the characters' personalities through Helga's eyes, and also to make her narrative seem firmly planted in that era. I'm glad it seemes to be working that way!

I've seen a lot of Founders fics that focus on Godric romance, and I thought giving him an established wife and family might be an interesting twist. And I love Elaine as a character. I hope I get more opportunities to write her :)

I get what you mean about the dialogue thing. I did try to put in some details and things in between the lines of dialogue, but I see that I didn't do a great job of that in the Rowena scene. I'll keep working on it! Thanks for the tip :)

I'm glad you liked the chapter, and I'd love to re-request for the fourth if you're not too busy. I'm working on ch. 5 right now, so hopefully it will be up soon :) Thanks again for the help!

--Maggie


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Review #39, by StormThief17 Chapter Four

14th August 2012:
Hey, its me again!

So it looks like they have discovered a boggart...I wonder if they'll be able to get rid of it! And now of course you've got me wondering why Salazar is afraid of the flames. I think you're definitely keeping everyone in character! Salazar just gets more interesting the more I read! I think its great that you're keeping him consistent with his scorn for muggle-borns, but also allowing us to see new sides of him. I also just love Helga. She's such a Hufflepuff! She's so sweet, but also strong. I think the plot's coming along nicely--you've introduced some conflicts with the boggart as well as Salazar's prejudice and both character's secretive natures. Its a little slow in developing, but not a boring slow. I think if you do pick up the pace just a little it would be great, but you're doing just fine right now. Anyway, I'm really enjoying your story! I'll be closing my review thread soon due to school starting, but I'll continue reviewing, because this deserves it :) Another brilliant chapter!

Author's Response: Hi StormThief! Thanks for coming!

I'm so glad everyone was staying in character. I was a little worried about Salazar in this, but I'm glad he's still interesting! The more I write him, the more I uncover new sides to him. It's really fun, actually :) And Helga, oh my goodness. She's very dear to my heart; I'm so proud of her, and I'm glad you like her too!

I'm going to try and get some things happening in the next couple of chapters, but hopefully the plot won't get too boring until then. If it does, feel free to let me know :P But I did try to have multiple things going on at once, so it would feel like the plot was moving a little more.

I totally know what you mean about school: I've actually just closed my thread as well for that reason. But yeah, definitely stick around for updates! I'm working on ch. 5 right now, so hopefully it will be up before too much longer :) Thanks again for the sweet review, and I am so glad you're enjoying the story!

--Maggie


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Review #40, by Jchrissy Chapter Four

10th August 2012:
Yesss! I know you already confirmed it was a boggart, but I was still excited to see it in this chapter again. hahahaha!

I LOVE Helga's fear. It's so unique, we usually see concrete fears with the HP books - not this kind of more emotional one. I thought it was really, really clever and well done. Now I'm curious about our darling Salazar and his fire...

Descriptions. YES! Something clicked with your writing, because you didn't try and go overboard and pile them on, you added them just where they needed to be and gave me a good mental image without suffocating me. They were perfect. I want to hug you!

Your plot is moving along really well. Helga is starting to have feelings for Salazar, Godric wants to tell the truth about them being muggleborns, and Hogwarts now has creepy monsters in the dark corners. I think you have a decent amount of things going on and they all made for a very quick read.

I can see Godric snapping and needing to tell Salazar, so I'm excited to see how he actually finds out. Is that what ends up splitting the four founders?

The scene with Mary was also really touching, because she has no idea the kind of horror the difference in bloodlines will cause in the future. I got really angry at Salazar for his reaction, I know it's who he is, but it's just so cold.

I am really proud of you in this. This story has never been anything close to bad, it's always been very entertaining and well written, but you just really took this chapter the extra mile and made me feel like I was there.

Your writing style still hasn't faltered, you've committed to this era and you're sticking to it, and it's making for a really genuine read.

I am just really happy right now with you. I feel like you've decided you want to improve and you're doing it - you aren't ignoring reviews, you're using them and it's showing loud and clear.

Really amazing chapter darling, I'm excited for the next one!!!

Jami

Author's Response: Jami! Thank you so much for coming by! I have to tell you, this review was just wonderful to read after a tough few days in RL. Thanks so much for making my day! :D

I wasn't too sure about how to incorporate Helga's fear. Like you said, it's not really concrete, so I wasn't sure if it would work. But I decided to go ahead and write it anyway, and so glad you liked it! And more revelations about Salazar's fire will come eventually :)

Ahh! The descriptions! I worked really hard to get them right, and I'm so happy that it shows. I'm going to keep working at it as I continue writing, and I hope it just keeps getting better :) Your CC has helped me a lot in figuring out how I can improve this, so thank you!

I'm glad the read is easy, and the plotlines are staying interesting. And as for the blood issue, I can't say too much about what will happen there, but I will say it creates a fair amount of conflict between the founders.

I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're seeing improvement as you read. That's my aim, and that's the reason I request reviews from you awesome people on the forums :) I'm working really hard to make this story the best I can, and I really appreciate all your encouragement and help! I'm in the process of writing ch. 5, and you can definitely expect a request from me when it's up :)

--Maggie


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Review #41, by Jchrissy Chapter Three

6th August 2012:
Oh! Duhhh!! I think I figured it out, and I feel really intelligent for it, so if I'm wrong please try not to crush my hopes and at least say something like, 'oh that was a good try,'... but it's a Boggart right?! That's what's wrong with Salazar? He knows it was different for Evans and it scared him, now he sees his worst fear, and NOW he wants to see if Hufflepuff will also see hers. Right? RIGHT?

Okay - I got so into this chapter that I couldn't even open with my usual, 'I'm starting this review by pointing out errors second and the actual review portion will follow.' So I would take that as a very good sign ;)!

I don't think this chapter was anything close to filler. In my mind, a filler chapter is one that gives nothing regarding the character. I learned so much in this and you continue to remain very strong and true to your characters, which makes this a really interesting and captivating read.

The only thing I really wanted more of was imagery. I guess because I'm so curious about what everything around them looks like in this day and age, I just want to really bite into some great mental images.

I think you have absolutely nothing to worry about in terms of characterization or plot. Things feel like they're moving along. We have Rowena creating the sketch of Hogwarts *sequel* and the wonderful bits of foreshadowing regarding Godric's, History will remember the founders four, statement.

I really think you are doing a great job with this founders fic, it feels very genuine. In regards to your writing style - it still matches what I would imagine this era sounding like perfectly. I think the most important thing about really sucking a reader into this different 'time' is making it genuine and you really are doing a remarkable job with that.

So, as I said earlier my only bit of CC is imagery. Imagery is always important, but even more so in your story than others, because JKR never gave us mental images of this time frame, leaving you completely responsible for doing it. Which also comes with a lot of room for letting your own creations take hold, I think you should really take advantage of that!

Great work so far, darling! I hope chapter 4 is following soon ;)!

Jami

PS: Sorry I took ages on this review! HC and all... blah. Don't worry, responses should get quicker now ;)!

Author's Response: Jami! Yes, you're exactly right about the boggart! (I tried to be all coy and not give it away, but I was just too excited that you figured it out!)

I guess this chapter seemed like filler to me because it's not very plot-driven, you know? But I'm so glad it kept you interested, and that it didn't feel like a big lull in the story. It makes me feel great that you like the characters; I'm working hard to flesh them all out and make them all interesting to read about. And I'm really glad my style feels true to this era. That way of writing is coming pretty easily to me so far (must be all the period fiction I read), and I hope that continues to be the case.

Imagery is something I've been working on a lot in the chapters I'm writing now, keeping your past reviews in mind. I hope you'll see some improvement on that in the next chapter :)

Chapter 4 is in the queue as we speak, and should be up soon! I'll definitely be by to re-request when it's up. I hope you enjoy it, and thanks again for the awesome compliments and suggestions!

--Maggie


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Review #42, by BoOkWoRm24 Chapter Two

2nd August 2012:
Hey here with your requested review :)

Alright so I'm thoroughly enjoying your story. I think that this is probably the best founders fic that I've read. I feel like this was a sizeable improvement on the last chapter. Mostly because it didn't feel crammed with backround. Instead I got to read a little more into your characters, and I didn't feel like I was suffocating with all of this information.

Your characterization of everyone is excellent. Every one is so mysterious. I really really loved the dynamic between the founders. Its like they don't really know each other all that intimately. They're strictly buisness partners, except that the lines blur occasionally and they have these conversations like the one Helena and Salazar had.

And of course I liked the diction as well. You've done a wonderful job with making them seem like they were from another era without making it hard on your reader.

I also want to point out how I like that you seem to have changed the way the school has been run. It definitely seems like there isn't a headmaster, and you've sort of eluded to the fact that some students study with the founders i.e. Rowena had Evan as her student. Although it was clear that they did teach other students at times.

You asked about Salazar, and you really don't need to worry about him. His characterization was spot on. I felt like you got in all the cunning and such, but he doesn't seem like he is evil. Sort of like the way you see some people write Snape. And I thought that fire was an interesting thing for a bogart to turn into for him. Deffinitely a good cliffie.

Anyway great chapter. Feel free to re request any time you want :)

-BW24

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for coming back, I really appreciate the review :)

Wow, what an awesome compliment! It's great to hear that you think this is on par with other Founders fics, and I hope you continue to enjoy it. And I'm glad you're seeing improvement...that's definitely the direction I want to be headed :P

I did want to try and keep a little mystery about the characters at the beginning, but more will be revealed as the story goes forward. You're right, they don't know each other super well at this point, since they've just started teaching together. But they are on good terms with each other, so I hope to show some more of those "line-blurring" moments between the four of them.

I'm glad to hear the writing isn't hard to read...I definitely didn't want that! Sometimes I worry it doesn't sound ancient enough, but my first priority was making sure the reader wasn't frustrated or lost in all the medieval-sounding language (I never know how to spell midieval :/)

I love that comparison between Snape and Salazar! He definitely isn't an evil guy, but he's not exactly pleasant either, and I'm glad that comes out here. And the fire thing will come up again later :)

Thanks for the review, and I'm so glad you're liking this! I'll definitely re-request :)

--Maggie


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Review #43, by StormThief17 Chapter Three

29th July 2012:
Gah! It took me so long to get to this, sorry about that! Anyway, lovely chapter!

It was nice to get a bit of a taste of the relationship between Helga and Rowena. I think you hit the mark on that one, especially with the little exchange poking fun at the men. I think the castle plans sound great too!

And it was great to meet Elaine! She seems like a very interesting character and I can't wait to see more of her. And her being described as a lioness, lol!

I am so curious about Salazar's idea! He was very mysterious in this chapter. He's such a deep character, I think he is going to be very interesting to find out about! If we do find out about him that is...

Overall, I think you did another great job! The writing was really smooth, and Helga's narration was beautiful. Hufflepuff's are so often belittled all over the place so its great to see Helga's character shine! You also do a great job of avoiding any silly grammar errors.

I can't wait to see chapter 4!

Author's Response: StormThief! It's great to hear from you, and I'm so happy you're still enjoying this :)

I'm trying to spend some time on each of the Founders so that no one gets neglected. I didn't want to focus too much on the love story, and leave Rowena and Godric out completely :P I see Rowena as pretty quiet and sort of intimidating around most people, but I think she'd let her guard down just a bit around Helga. I'm glad you liked seeing their friendship, because it was a lot of fun to write :)

Elaine! I just love her personality...she's so serious, and I think she's a good balance for Godric's lighthearted attitude. I'm glad you're intrigued by her, and it's so awesome that you picked up on the lioness thing! I liked putting that little nod to Gryffindor's future house mascot...so cool that you caught that!

There's definitely some more to be revealed about Salazar, and I'm very excited to get there. So yes, we will find out more about him as the story goes on. And it makes me so happy that you like Helga. You're right about Hufflepuffs not always being taken seriously, and I wanted to change that with Helga :)

I'm hard at work on chapter 4 now, and I hope to have it in the queue soon! Thanks again for the sweet review!

--Mags


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Review #44, by apocalypse Chapter Two

28th July 2012:
I LOVE SALAZAR SLYTHERIN!

Ahem. Hey Mags! I'm finally here with your review! Sorry it took me so long :)

And I would just like to say that this what I'm talking about! :D Hahaha, I LOVEDLOVDLOVED this chapter! I think that this chapter was exactly what you needed to bridge the gap between the times and to explain Salazar's character. I really liked the way you gave subtle hints in the entire chapter about how his personality was and what Helga thought of him. I loved the way you made him laugh and smile in the entire chapter but made him seem proud and stern at the same time!

The entire chapter's dialogue was great fun! I really enjoyed the conversation they had; especially the parts where they made each other laugh. I loved Salazar's light attitude towards her and her surprise at it all. It was so adorable. Hehe.

Oh he notices her too! Wow. I was just as surprised as Hufflepuff was. It was the best dialogue ever. The way he said it; I could imagine someone like him saying that! Great job with it! Oh, I must quote it here! :D

"You are not the only one who watches, Hufflepuff. I just happen to be better at it." - This was the best one ever! :)

I'm really happy with the way you've started describing all the character's. We found out a bit more about Ravenclaw and a lot more about Salazar. Also, I think you did a good job with Helga's character; she's started to reveal more about herself and how she's coping with the life at Hogwarts. The way she's constantly trying to get better to match up to others is very impressive. I love that determination of hers. Also, I really liked the way she was trying to take care of Evan. That was pretty sweet and it reminded me of you :) You're sweet just like that, hehehe.

And before I end this review, like I said, I LOVE SALAZAR SLYTHERIN! :D Hehe. I hope you liked this review. It's 2 am where I am at the moment and I'm very sleepy so this may appear a bit disjointed. But i hope you like it and it gives you some feedback. :) Let me know if you need more feedback or need to discuss anything in detail. I would love to help. Until next time, good luck and Happy Writing! :D

-Cal

Author's Response: SUCCESSFUL SALAZAR! YES!!

I was so anxious to get your opinion on this one, since it really kicks off the big edits. And I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I'm finding it much easier to write Salazar now that I've slowed things down a little, and I feel like it shows in his character. The dungeon scene with him and Helga was so fun to write. Helga just doesn't know what to do with him, and I loved writing all her reactions to him! Fun times :)

And I'm so glad you think this bridges that gap well! I was hoping the flow would be better, and the feedback I've been getting has been pretty encouraging in that area. And a good response from you helps me feel a lot more confident about it.

Haha, that line! Like I said, I loved writing the parts where Salazar throws Helga off guard...they just make me smile :)

I'm trying to give all the characters some face time in these beginning chapters so I don't neglect anyone. Glad you're enjoying that so far! And it's so awesome of you to compare me to Helga that way, because I really love that part of her personality. That just makes my day! *blushes* I do see her being affectionate with the kids (kind of like a mom figure), so her doting over Evan just felt natural.

I loved this review! It was awesome, and the beginning had me laughing :D I'll definitely re-request! Thank you so much for coming by, and don't worry about the wait...your reviews are totally worth it :)

--Mags


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Review #45, by angel_speaks Chapter Three

24th July 2012:
Hiya!
EM here with your requested review!

Characterization: I think that you are doing splendid in this category. The personality of the characters in this story really sticks out by the help of their interactions amongst each other. They are exactly how I pictured them to be. I really like Helga's character as she seems to be the person who maintains the peace within the castle (as displayed in the scene with Elaine). I can't wait to see what goes on with Salazar as there was a lot of mystery built around him on this chapter.

Plot: Definitely a two thumbs up. It remains consistent, I don't spot any plot holes and the pacing is just right. I'm loving the thrill and mystery that's built up in this chapter. I think that its good incentive for readers to continue on.

Overall, you did an excellent job with this chapter. I can't wait to read more!


Happy Writing!!!

Author's Response: Hey Em, welcome back! It's great to hear from you!

In this chapter I tried to show some interactions with other characters, just to give readers some time to get to know them better. I'm glad you enjoyed that! It was fun to write :) And it's great to hear that you're still liking Helga. She is definitely a peacemaker, like you said, and she really works to keep everyone happy and getting along. And more will be revealed about Salazar as the story goes on. I'm glad he intrigues you...that's what I was going for in this chapter :)

I'm so glad you're liking this! It really means a lot. I'm going to try and keep a little suspense going for a while, so I hope you enjoy it :) I'm working on chapter 4 now, and I'll be re-requesting when it's done!

--Maggie


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Review #46, by Jchrissy Chapter Two

23rd July 2012:
Hi darling, here for chapter 2 request!
Okay, concerns: For this one, I'd like to know if you think the plot is starting off well, and any thoughts on characterization are always appreciated

And please, never feel bad about a quick re-request! It means that my first review was helpful, which I love :)!

Errors first!
I was grateful to have them; as was Godric, who made use of the great library as much as I did. considering the sentence following the semicolon is not completely, the semicolon needs to be changed to a comma or the sentence reworded to make it a complete one. My suggestions would be to do this - I was grateful to have them, as were the others; Godric made use of the library as much as I did or something like that :).


So - that was the only error I spotted - not only did I not see any other grammatical issues, but there was absolutely nothing else involving flow, sentence struck.. anything that struck out at me as odd.

Which means, time for the fun part :)!

I love Helga’s commitment to gaining further knowledge in her lacking skills. It’s obvious she isn’t lacking them because she isn’t intelligent, but because she had never been exposed to them. The fact that she’s trying to make up for that underexposure by studying ravenously is an incredible way to help define her character!

And is this the beginning of the love story I see? What about the monster... could it perhaps be related to the Chamber of Secrets? And what could Ravenclaw’s project be?

So many unanswered questions, which is great because that makes readers want to continue!

I think your characterizations are still going beautifully! I feel like I am reading about four very different characters who all have their own personalities. It’s wonderful!

I think that the majority of this chapter had really good descriptions, but I think you could add in a little more regarding your characters appearances. Just a little bit here and there to really remind us of a good mental image of these characters.

Honestly, I don’t have any other CC for this chapter. It was a very solid one that ensured the reader would be left wanting to know what the heck happened!

The plot seems to be starting off really well, I don’t feel like your rushing or dragging, but in the perfect story telling mode. I am so excited to learn more about these characters!

You haven’t faltered on your writing style either, great job. You’ve aged your words perfectly!

Please feel free to re-request :hearts;
Jami

Author's Response: Hi Jami! Sorry it took me so long to respond, but I was away last week, and this was a lovely review to come home to :)


Once again, I really appreciate the grammar tip. I tend to overlook little things like that, and it's awesome to have a watchdog to find those things! :)

Helga definitely doesn't want to be seen as inferior to the other three, so she works really hard at her skills. And not to mention the fact that she wants to keep her true upbringing as well hidden as possible. I'm glad you liked that hardworking spirit about her...I really like it too! I hope you continue to enjoy her :)

Haha, I'm glad to be raising so many questions! Some of them will be answered in the next couple chapters, but I'm going to try to keep up a little mystery :P

Looking back, I definitely notice what you mean about the characters' appearances. Thanks for bringing that up! I'll try and intersperse some more details here and there, so I can complete that picture a little more. But I'm glad you're enjoying the characters other than that. Like you said, they're all very different, and I'm going to try to show that as the story goes on.

I'm glad the plot is off to an interesting start for you, and I hope you keep enjoying it! Thanks so much for this awesome review. It helped a lot, and you can expect a re-request from me sometime soon :)

--Maggie


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Review #47, by BoOkWoRm24 Chapter One

20th July 2012:
Hi here with your requested review :)

Alright so I'm going to give you my play by play thought process as I read this story.

So I begin, and you start off with the bit about secrets. That's an interesting way to start, I mean I imagine that they would have a lot of secrets from each other. I imagine their relationship as a group was somewhere between freindship, and buisness.

Right so I continue and you start giving me backround on Helena and Godric. This part I feel like I'm getting a lot of information really fast. You're basically giving me their life story here, and you look like you squeeze it into like 1500 words, which really isn't all that much considering. But at the same time I think its extremely interesting. Parts like how you have both Godric and Helena as muggle borns seems like a different twist on things, and of course I think its a different read to hear about how people found out about magic prior to Hogwarts.

Also I really am enjoying Helena's narrative voice. I think its really hard to write people like her who I would consider a place in between timid and nice, because they aren't as extreme so their traits don't define them so distinctly and forcefully. Basically you're doing a great job with the midevil verisimilitude with her narration.

Continueing now I get to the partition and you start describing Salazar, and give me some details on Rowena. This part I like a whole lot more than the top part because I feel like I'm not recieving as much information. Then you get to the part where Salazar out right insults Helena, and you have her turn him into a cat. I loved that. I couldn't stop smiling the entire time Godric was in the room.

Anyway overall I really did enjoy this chapter. Especially because its just interesting to hear your take on the founders(and their history even if it was a bit rushed). So hopefully this wasn't too hard of a review to follow (its late and I felt like doing something different).

Keep up the good work :)

-BW24

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for coming by so quickly, and for the awesome review!

I'm glad you liked that first line. Beginnings are tough, and I wanted this one to be a little bit mysterious, I guess. And you're right about the Founders' relationship...when they first meet, I see them as business partners first and friends second. But as time goes by I think they would grow a lot closer as friends.

The amount of backstory I cram into this chapter was one of my big concerns, actually. I just had so much information to give, and you're right, it is a lot to put into that small a space. If I can find a way to improve that part, I'll definitely work it in :)

I'm glad you like reading from Helga's point of view. She's not what I would consider a strong personality, like you said, but I'm really enjoying getting inside her head. And I'm glad it feels medieval to you so far!

Haha, it's good to know that things improved as the chapter went on...that's better than the other way around :P And I love that scene too! Writing Salazar and Helga together has been a fun challenge, and I'm glad you enjoyed that part :)

Thanks again for the great review! It was really helpful, and I appreciate your thoughts and suggestions :)

--Maggie


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Review #48, by Jchrissy Chapter One

20th July 2012:
He darling! Here for your review! I am so excited to read a founders fic! I’ve only read a few one shots involving them.

Okay, so the first portion of this will be errors and/or places I see the possibility of improvement. That way if you choose to edit, you won’t have to search through the review to find things I pointed out. Then I’ll move onto my actual opinion of the story! I hope that works for you!

When Godric, Rowena, Salazar and I first began the preparations for Hogwarts, an unspoken rule was established between us: we respected one another’s secrets.
The colon should be a semi colon because you are separating two complete sentences.

My family was part of a band of traveling folk; bards, craftsmen, and the like.
The semicolon in this should be a full colon because the first half is a complete sentence then you go on to list what he’s talking about in an incomplete sentence.

Wow, as you can see there were practically no errors. Even if there were, I was too enthralled to notice them!

You asked about their backstories and my first impressions on your request. Not only do I not think the backstory is too much, but I think it makes this first chapter really amazing! You know your characters very well and did a perfect job really painting the conditions that Hogwarts is formed on. It makes perfect sense that she would have to hide her magic from her family. We know that in the past this wasn’t something taken lightly or friendly, so I loved how you worked with that!

Your writing style is really perfect for the time we are in. I’ve always been nervous of reading founders because I know a lot of people don’t realize everything was different then. From the way people conducted themselves to the way they spoke, it was all different. You really seem to have grasped that and it made this first chapter a pleasure to read!

I love how in the second half you let us see their characteristics as opposed to just telling them. You showed us through Salazar and Helga’s interaction so much about them as people, and the reasons that those two Houses became models for certain characters. The line about Helga being more emotional was perfect, along with her pointing that they are just children! You are making me see the four Houses in a whole different light!

I also really loved your last line of the first section, about that being her first mistake. We know how this ends, but we don’t know how it gets there. I’m very excited to find out through this story!

My one suggestion would be to up your description. I find myself going through a second time on chapters for the only purpose of finding places to add more description because I struggle with it.

Your characters have me completely enchanted so far, along with your writing style. I think this is an incredibly strong first chapter! Great job!! Please feel free to re-request, I hope this was helpful!

Jami

Author's Response: Hi, Jami! Thank you so much for coming by, and for this amazing review!

I really appreciate the punctuation tips. I didn't even give that a second thought while I was writing, so it's great that you pointed them out for me!

I did try to get an authentic medieval flavor going in this chapter (and I'm not even sure if I'm spelling medieval right...ironic :P) The hostility toward magic would be a big part of witches and wizards' lives, especially Muggle-born ones. It was interesting to work that into Godric and Helga's backgrounds, and I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

And ohmygoodness, I'm so happy you think I'm getting the feel of this time period across well! That was a big worry for me going into this, and so far it sounds like I'm doing okay. I'm glad it felt authentic for you!

One of the fun things about writing these characters is working with the traits (and stereotypes) associated with the four Houses. Of course I want to be true to what each House stands for, but sometimes it's fun to mess with those stereotypes a little :) I do see Helga as emotional and a peacemaker, but she's definitely not weak :)

Hey, it's cool that you picked up on that line! And I'm glad it intrigues you...it makes me feel great that you're interested in reading on! And I see what you mean about description. I'll definitely work on it, and hopefully I improve in later chapters.

Thanks again for coming by! I'll definitely re-request when you get a spot open...I loved this review and found it really helpful :)

--Maggie


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Review #49, by angel_speaks Chapter Two

15th July 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias here with your requested review!

Grammar/ spelling: I love your writing! Seriously, I would love to have the same vocabulary level as you do. Anyways, I did not spot any grammatical errors on this chapter. Good job!

Description: I think that you are good on this part. I absolutely love the amount of Helga's emotions that you put into this chapter. It shows the readers what's going on with Helga's thoughts and feelings that she has towards Salazar.

Characterization: So far, so good. I can't wait to see how Helga's relationship goes with Salazar. I really liked how the dialogue between them went in this chapter. I can't wait to see more of it.

Plot/ flow: Good job on this part. I did not spot any plot holes and I hope this continues on.

Overall, this is a good story. I hope you continue writing this ^_^ Feel free to drop another request on my thread.

Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Emesias, hi! I'm so glad you came by!

I'm trying really hard to strike a good balance between medieval-sounding language and readability here, so I've actually been pretty careful about my choice of words so far. I'm so glad you're enjoying that part of it!

The conversation between Helga and Salazar was tons of fun to write. I love this stage of their relationship, where they're still trying to figure each other out. And Helga definitely has mixed emotions about Salazar, so it was kind of a challenge to get it all out coherently. Hopefully I pulled it off somewhat, and I'm glad you're liking them so far :)

Thank you so much for your review! And yes, I definitely plan on continuing this...in fact, chapter 3 is in the queue as we speak :) I'll be stopping by to re-request when it's up! Thanks again!

--Maggie


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Review #50, by StormThief17 Chapter Two

15th July 2012:
Hi, StormThief again!

I really loved the interaction between Slytherin and Hufflepuff in this chapter! They're not exactly friends, but they obviously respect each other. The conversation between them is really fun to read. It was also great to see Hufflepuff's motherly nature coming out on the student.

I thought the description of the dungeons was really good! They obviously haven't cleaned them up at all :p I also think Hufflepuff's bare feet was a nice detail that definitely added to her character. She's a very engaging MC!

That cliffhanger really hit me and I can't wait to see what comes next!

Author's Response: Hey, welcome back!

Helga and Salazar are still trying to figure each other out at this point, and it's great fun for me to write. Helga is just so curious about him, and Salazar isn't really sure what to make of her. I'm glad you enjoyed them :)

I definitely see Helga being very affectionate with the students, and having a more carefree attitude than the other three. I'm excited about how she's turning out, and it makes me happy that you like her!

I've got chapter 3 in the queue right now, and I'll definitely be hitting you up for a request! Thank you so much for your time...I really appreciate your thoughts and your encouragement :)

--Mags


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