McGonagall's "your powers" dailouge was a little choppy and unrealistic. I think the term for talking without moving your lips is called being a ventrilaquist (spelling not right); McGonagall is a very smart woman, she would know this term. Also, since M is saying such a surprising and controversial thing, this stranger would naturally interupt with the usual "thats impossible" (at least, I know *I* would do that). And also... I think that spell's a little unrealistic but thats just a side note.
I really like this chapter (and how you've tied in James) and hope you right more soon!!!
PS: check your latin, that name is... a tad english sounding, you could make it sound a little more scientific sounding with maybe an alternate more latin-y sounding word for superior? Food for thought, your chapters are food. Feed me.Author's Response: Hi again. There was a childrens programme on in the 1970's and also in the 1990's called the tomorrow people and the powers that they displayed were the same as the one's that I mentioned here. And the name Homo Superior also comes from that programme. If you like sci fi programmes there is a tomorrow people fanfiction site. Just google tomorrow people. And if you get a chance watch one or two of the programmes on youtube. Thanks agfain for the review, I'll try and update soon. Report Review
A very good chapter, with a very nice plot thickener, but I have a few comments. You write your action very breifly. It would be clearer to us the readers if you somehow try to elongate these segments, such as with the thoughts of characters, or more detailed descriptions of the surroundings. :D
Great story!Author's Response: Hello stranger. I see what your saying. I'll maybe go back over it later and expand on what's already there (watch this space). Many thanks for the review. Report Review
wow! Now you are increasing the suspense of the story... I'm just going mad to read further... update soon...
Keep writing... :)Author's Response: Sorrie:):):):) about that. I will update as soon as a new story of mine goes through validation. Which should be by the end of the week (HOPEFULLY). Look out for THE TELEPATHIC LINK. Thats my new story, Report Review
Ooh... Is this the mysterious son of Bellatrix mentioned in the title? Or a Muggle that knows how to apparate? And how did he get into Hogwarts when everyone knows appiration is not possible within the school grounds? Very intriguing... Less spelling errors in this one, good job!Author's Response: No the stranger that suddenly appeared is not the son of Bellatrix. This person is somneone who has totally different powers to Witches and Wizards. The son is already in the school and will be revealed later in the next chapter or two. And when he appeared it was not apparating it was called Jaunting, which is similar but different in so many ways. Though he did have some problems getting to his destination (hence why he collapsed) because of the restrictions, which will again be revealed in a future chapter. Thanks again for the great review. Please feel free to read my other stories that are avilable. And please let me know what you think. HAPPY READING. Report Review
Isn't it Auror? Not Aura? There are a number of spelling errors in this actually, of Wizarding things. I'd recommend getting a beta, or looking over some of this yourself before you post it
And was this written before DH, and that's why the names of Harry's children are different? Or is there something I'm not getting...?
All in all a pretty good chapter. The sorting is never easy to write.Author's Response: Yes your right it is spelt Auror (your not the first person to point that out) I will be going back to correct spelling mistakes. I guess I was in to much of a hurry to get this on the site. It's set after DH and I thought I would name the Potter twins differently (I just wanted to be different to the crowd, but keep the eldest (James) son's name the same. Thanks again for a great review. Report Review
Ooh who is this mysterious Ade? Hmm...Author's Response: Ade is a Nigerian name that means crown (hint, hint, tie in with the summary). You will learn more about him as the story unfolds since he is one of the main characters. Thanks for the review. Report Review
hey, cute chap... but you must improve with your grammar a bit... and it's Auror, not Aura...
And yeah, if McGonegal is headmistress, she can't go to receive children of first year and if she's Gryffindor head she can't be headmistress, so I think you must work on that part...
but the overall theme was quite nice, I'm waiting for next chap... update soon...
Keep writing... :)
~annie snape aka Riya Potter
P.S. I write with two names mentioned above so don't get confused if I review with the other name ^_^Author's Response: That's always been one of my weakness's, write first and some of the time not think things through. Thanks for the remarks and I'll watch out for the next time. And your not the first one to mention that I've spelt Auror wrong. I will try and get the next chapter up soon, but I've just posted the 1st chapter of a new story today (look out for DESCENDENTS OF THE FOUNDERS: -THROUGH THE CENTURIES). If the days are still correct with the validation time, it should go through by the 7th of March. Thanks again for the review. Report Review
Lovely chapter, and I can't wait for more!
I'm pretty sure it's spelled 'Auror' not 'Aura'.
You didn't mention Ade's house. Don't tell me your saving the surprise for next chapter! *(gives stern look)* They would have seen Ade being called up, last name, and house. Personally, when I make a new friend, I keep track of them. I want to know where you've put him!
Keep writing!Author's Response: I'll edit and correct the mistake at once my friend. Glad you enjoyed the chapter. Next chapter going through validation as I type, posted it yesterday so should be up by the end of the month. Report Review
hey, nice chap! But it would have been better if you would have named the kids Albus and Lily, it would have been easy to remember...
Anyways, I'm waiting for the next chapter... update soon!
Keep writing... :)Author's Response: Hi Annie, thank you for the review. Where as other people were following the more common way of naming the kids, I thought I would be different. I decided to keep James has he is but change the twins names. Also the name ade is a name from Nigeria. The next chapter will be up in the next couple of weeks. But in the meantime please feel free to read the other two stories that I have posted. Report Review
A nice start to this story, but some of your sentances are a little long and lacking in commas kinda like this try reading it aloud without any extra breaths it's kinda hard do you see what I mean? Otherwise, it's a really good start!Author's Response: Hi Sev. Thanks for the words of wisdom. Will try to do better in my next chapter. Thanks also for the review. Hope to have the next chapter up soon. Report Review
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