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Reading Reviews for Memoria
  
52 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Rachel IV

5th December 2010:
Hello again,

Great chapter! I loved that she had some interaction with Malfoy. I feel like he knows her, and maybe Blaise does to. 'Cause she recognized Malfoy, and Malfoy seems to sorta care about her a little bit, I mean why else would he come and warn her about the other deatheaters? And we finally found out her name! Yay! That leaves me wondering if her and George are in a realtionship. And, in a previous chapter Yaxley, I think, said that Hermione was dead. Is she really dead in this story???

I just really love this story, keep it going! So many times i find incredible story and, for some reason, not a lot of people are into it, so the author just stops writing it, don't do that! You have to keep this story going!
10/10!

Author's Response: Well, we'll just have to find out about Hermione... muahaha. Sorry, can't give away the secrets! Anyway, I don't plan on giving this story up. Hopefully with winter break coming I'll have more time to write... crossing my fingers.

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Review #27, by Rachel III

5th December 2010:
Again, incredible, incredible chapter! Yay, Blaise!!! I always thought he would turn out to be a good guy, even though he kinda isn't right now... But I think he will become a good guy.

I wonder what the deatheater thing is? She must have had some connection with the deatheaters, well, back when they were deatheaters.

I just have to say it again, awesome story! I'm always trying to find good, intriguing stories on here, and there really aren't that many. The only other story I like this much is The Memory Box, if you haven't read it you really should, its kinda a mystery like this.
10/10!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for all the reviews! It's so exciting when you find a really consistent reviewer - I appreciate it. And no, I haven't read the Memory Box, but I will for sure look it up. :)

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Review #28, by Rachel II

5th December 2010:
Wow, awesome chapter. This is one of the best fanfictions I've ever read, its so complex and intriguing, but the story isn't lost because of how complex it is. I've read a lot of stories that are so complex that the writer can't seem to manage it and it gets really confusing, but it seems like you really have this story planned out. 10/10!!!
On to the next chapter...

Author's Response: Thank you, again. I'm really glad to hear that it feels like it's planned (it is... somewhat...) and it's great to know that you've seen what I have. I feel like it's difficult to find stories like what I'm hoping to write on HPFF... I want a genuine mix of genres, but mostly I want a mystery that is ACTUALLY a mystery. If you get what I mean... anyway, thank you. Haha.

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Review #29, by Rachel I

5th December 2010:
This looks like it's gonna be really good story!!! I've never read any fanfiction like this before!!! You're an incredible writer!!!
10/10
On to chapter 2...

Author's Response: Thank you. :)

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Review #30, by DemetersChild II

7th November 2010:
Hullo again!

I am really enjoying this story. It is one the better ones I've read recently. I love the complexity of it all. As much as I enjoy a good love story, they can easily become a little bland. But this is amazing.

Flow, beautiful. Speed, spot on. Characters, I love them. Plot, it's so intriguing! I love stories like this--so deep and complicated that I actually have to think to catch up.

I can't wait to read the rest!

Magically Yours,
Dem

Author's Response: Wow, that's even MORE complimenting... I'm really happy to hear that. It sounds like all the things I was hoping to convey are getting out there... thank you.

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Review #31, by DemetersChild I

7th November 2010:
Hello there! DemetersChild here from the forums with your long awaited review. I know it's taken me forever and I apologize, but here I am. :D

I'll start with your concerns: speed and flow.

I think this flowed together wonderfully. There wasn't a moment that I was bored or distracted. It wasn't bumpy. Even though the character was obviously really confused, I could follow every confused thought.

As for speed, I don't think it's moving too quickly. I probably would have gotten bored if she'd walked around the desert much longer. It's better to get right into the action and I love the way you did that. I can't really tell how quickly it's moving in comparison to the rest of the story as I haven't read it yet, but for this chapter I think it's just fine.

I didn't see any issues with grammar and I can't say much about characterization as the character hardly knows who she is in the first place. I love the bit where she was sure she was insane. I loved the way she speculated which of the three people she was. I loved that she had a sense of humour even though she was dying. And I love that it ended in a cliffhanger, with everything swarming back to her.

I'm incredibly curious as to how this story turns out!

Magically Yours,

Dem

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! That was much more in-depth than I thought I could hope for. Thank you very much for the feedback.

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Review #32, by Maybe Someday I

17th October 2010:
Awesome first chapter. : )
Now, is it just me, or are the first chapter of everyone else's stories so much more interesting than mine? XD
Anyways, 9/10. : )

Author's Response: Thank you so much! It's been a while, but I'm looking to get back into this.
Gracias!


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Review #33, by FireCracker2000 V

6th September 2010:
Fantastic! Really well written :-) Can't wait to see where she's gone - ooh I love Blaise! Hxx

Author's Response: Ohh, thank you! I'm glad you like him, I was hoping he'd be somewhat enjoyable. :)

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Review #34, by Mia V

27th August 2010:
Good story - keep it up please!

Author's Response: Thank you. :)

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Review #35, by Miss Lily Potter I

25th August 2010:
Hey! I'm here from the forums with your requested review. (:

Wow. That's all I can really say. Just... my goodness.

You asked if the story moved too fast. I can see where you would get that idea, but I don't think so, no. I thought it moved at an all right pace, and I wasn't confused or anything.

I am extremely curious as to what happens next, though. The summary sucked me in right away, and I love the idea you have behind this fic.

I love your description. It's really... Hmm. How do I put this? I think it fits the story really well. Like, the mood. It's not just there, it's a part of the story, and in a way part of the characterization.

I really like the "mystery" in the first paragraph. It really throws us into the story, and makes me want to keep reading. (:

Is the main character a runaway? It's probably meant to be mysterious, but I think we could use a bit more detail. I don't really need names and such, just general things--why does she know Hermione? Who's Jocelyn? Etc.

Of course, this was probably purposeful on your part.

I really liked this line:
Death could be mightily funny, if one were insane.
I don't know why, but it gave me a chill down my spine. It's so creepy, and leads nicely into the death spiel.

I also really liked the "Accio death!". Again, not sure what it was about it, but it was... insane, I suppose.

Overall, a great chapter, and you've packed a lot into such a short amount of words. Feel free to re-request, I enjoyed reading this. (:
-Jasmine

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! I really enjoyed getting to read this. honestly, it makes my night. I'm glad you liked it so much, and I appreciate the encouragement more than you could know.

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Review #36, by FireCracker2000 IV

24th August 2010:
Ooh she has a name now! Love it. Your portrayal of Draco here is great, you can really feel the tension between them. Another awesome chapter, well done :-)

Hxxx

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it.

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Review #37, by Ronsgirl29 I

21st August 2010:
Hello, Ronsgirl29 here with your review!

I really enjoyed reading this. There's so much mystery on who this girl is and what happend to her that it really makes the reader want to read more and find out.

I think your writing moves at a good pace. When you kept repeating about how she had been walking for so long it felt a bit slow, but I also understand that you were probably just repeating for emphasis on how long and unbearable it was to be out in the sun.

I also feel it flowed well, especially the last section when she thinks she's insane for laughing about death. Each thought she had moved nicely to the next and it was entertaining in a dark way. It's probably my favorite section of this chapter because you writing seems the strongest.

I think your strongest point is how your able to keep things a mystery without being too vague. I was a bit confused when it came to how many days she'd been walking, but I think that's what you were going for.

You might want to clean up the spacing. There are certain times when things can go on their own line to create emphasis, like here for example:
"Funny, funny, funny, I sang in my head. Oh, what I would do to be dead already. Isn't that funny? Yes. Yes it is. It's funny because it ends with me being dead."

^that's how you have it but I think it could have more of a punch if it were like this

"Funny, funny, funny, I sang in my head. Oh, what I would do to be dead already.

Isn't that funny?

Yes. Yes it is.

It's funny because it ends with me being dead."


I'm not saying you have to change it, but I find that how I format things changes the feel of what's being said.

Over all, really nice job. I think this is great start!
-ronsgirl29

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I appreciate it. And I think that you have a really good point about the spacing (I actually like your way a lot better...) so when I do revise this chapter that is definitely something I will do. Thanks!

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Review #38, by FireCracker2000 III

19th August 2010:
Whoop whoop! Great stuff :-D I really love this character (Hermione or not!) and the drip feeding of information is working really well. Very good desription, and I like Blaise's character treatment :-) Can't wait for the next chapter!! Hxxx

Author's Response: Thank you! This made me really happy. I'm glad you said something about the information feed, I was wondering how that was working out... Anyway, thanks!

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Review #39, by LilyFire II

18th August 2010:
Wow. This is amazing. With the first chapter I was like, okay, so Hermione lost her memory? Eh. But then I read chapter two. Now I am intrigued. Who is this girl? Is it Georgeís girlfriend, Jocelyn? Thatís what Im going with for now. You have captured my interest, and I canít wait for the next chapters. Sorry thereís not much here, but I have more question right now than anything. Wonderful story. Keep it up. And rerequest if you want another review(:
~LilyFire

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad to receive such positive feedback from you. I will certainly try to rerequest later on!

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Review #40, by Danceinggirl109 III

18th August 2010:
Hey. That was a mean cliffy :( oh well I said it once and I am going to say it again...this story is genius. You wrote it so well the characters are real, the pace is perfect and the story is filled with mystery. You were worried about the flow of the story but it is really good. Also there are no character problems yet but usually those problems take a couple more chapters to show up. Anyways, fantastic job and I hope that you update again soon.

Danceinggirl109

Author's Response: Well thank you again! And yeah, sorry about that cliffhanger... And yes, chapter four is on the way. Thank you for addressing my concerns also, I'm glad to hear you didn't find any issues there.

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Review #41, by Danceinggirl109 I

18th August 2010:
Okay I have decided to adress one of your concerns before moving on to reveiwing the whole story. This chapter does not move to fast. It is perfect except for at one point you switched the 8 days that the girl had been in the desert to 3. Was that on purpose? So far I feel like this story is pure genius. See you in 2 chapters :)

Danceinggirl109

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you! I'm glad to hear you like it so much, and that the pace is working out well. Thanks!

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Review #42, by Fluteline24 I

16th August 2010:
Hey! Gurtz from the forums here :)

The plot of the story was fantastic. I LOVED that Hermione is losing her mind and doesn't know what's going on. It makes a reader wonder what happened to make her that way and what happened with Harry and Ron. It flows well, I think.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad to hear it flows well and you enjoy the plot. This is encouraging. :)

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Review #43, by Fluteline24 II

16th August 2010:
Wow. I can't wait to read what's going to happen. I think, even though it flows quickly, you make it work with details and explanations (well, as many as you can give considering Hermione's condition. You've got a really good start on this. Way to go!

Author's Response: Thank you again! Yeah, I am going to flesh out this chapter a bit more when I've got the time. I appreciate the feedback.

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Review #44, by benpowerman III

16th August 2010:
i read all your chaper i take my time to read. i hope you make more 8/10

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

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Review #45, by eternalangel II

15th August 2010:
Hello, this is eternalangelkiss from the forums.

I want to say that this was a fascinating chapter. You had a nice balance between giving the readers details about what is going on and keeping some facts back to increase the mystery. Your descriptions were incredible especially in the part when she is describing the pain of the Cruciatus Curse. I also thought the characterizations of the Death Eaters was spot on. You managed to flesh out some rather minor characters. I was also intrigued by the fact that Voldemort, Harry and possibly Hermione may all be dead, which makes one wonder who this girl is and how she has Hermione's books and George's letter without any recollection of the past.

There isn't much I can critique on this chapter. I thought the flow of the story was nicely paced and any confusing elements that may have been in the first chapter due to being exclusively in her head are not seen in this chapter. There is one thing I could suggest and that is filtering in snippets and snap shots of the memories that we see in this chapter, especially if they are important for later (I get the impression that the moon memory was very important). Maybe she could get a flash of something, but not really know what it is and attribute the flash to her dehydration. This is just a suggestion since you said in your author's note that you have a clear image of where this is going.

So keep up with the excellent work. I hope to see more soon!

Author's Response: Thank you again for another insightful review. That suggestion, like your last one, may just find a place somewhere in my story because I happen to like it very much. Haha. It's a nice solution to the confusing stuff. Like I said before, I'll be revising my work as I go, and I will definitely keep this in mind. Thanks again!

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Review #46, by Potter_Princessx3 II

15th August 2010:
Just as great as the first!
Very dramtic if I must say.
I can already tell this wont be a simple story atall (as you said) and I really hope it goes as planned!
Your a great writter and reveiwer!
Cant wait to see what happens next... (:

Author's Response: Thanks again! This is quite encouraging.

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Review #47, by Potter_Princessx3 I

15th August 2010:
Hello!
This is PotterPrincessx3 from the HPFF forums! (:
Firstly thank you so much for your great reveiws on each of my chapters you wern't harsh atall and im glad you liked the plot.
Now, enough about my story lets talk about YOURS.
I love the begging of this chapter it really makes me want to read the rest so great hook!
The plot seems very intresting.
Well im on to chapter two!
(:

Author's Response: Well thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my reviews (plus, I am enjoying yours. Haha.)

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Review #48, by eternalangel I

15th August 2010:
Hello. This is eternalangelkiss from the forums here for your review.

First off, I want to applaud you in making such a unique story. The descriptions were wonderful and the story pulled me in immediately. I loved the fact that you layered in details, but that you made the reader ask a lot of questions, which only wants the reader want to read on to know more.

Now you asked about flow and I thought the flow of the story was really good. I didn't find it hard to read or stumble in any part. Some people may say it's confusing, but I attributed it to the fact that we are in the head of a girl whose memories have been tampered with and who is facing dehydration and starvation, which would mess with anyone's ability to think accurately.

I liked what you had so far mostly because it raised all these questions about what happened and I think that is a good thing to have in your opening chapter. It grabs the reader and sucks them in.

Though I didn't find it confusing, I think some people may. Maybe you could show us snippets of the letter that she doesn't understand, but that we may in order to shed some more light on the story and her situation. You may be saving the letter for later. If that is the case, maybe snippets of more memories would be a good addition, memories that may slowly come back as the story progresses.

I hope all of this helps. I really enjoyed reading this story and can't wait to know more of what happens!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm really glad to get such positive feedback. I originally had plans to bring the letter back in later, but after writing more (six finished chapters) it hasn't found a place, so I think that might be a good idea. I'll be revising soon.
Thanks!


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Review #49, by DarkLadyofSlytherin II

14th August 2010:
Well, you asked for a second review, so here I am.

I like this chapter, but I loved the last one far more. Though this one had less things to nitpick about, I found this one to be lacking immensely in the details of the last. Being inside the characters head was so much easier in the last chapter and I almost expected it to be the same in this one.

I love the characterizations of the Death Eaters, though I wish I had a clue as to what they were talking about. And I feel sorry for the girl - whoever she is - to have to suffer at their hands not knowing who she is. I'd also like to know who tampered with her memory. I'm assuming she'll get it back with Blaise's help.

You can definitely tell this is an AU fic if Hermione, Harry and Voldemort are all dead. I'm assuming Sirius is too? They did mention him several times.

This chapter is not nearly as confusing as the last. It makes far more sense. Since the character is somewhat more coherent and she's focusing more on the other too characters who are speaking to her rather than her own inner workings. I just wish there was more of her inner workings than this chapter has to offer.

Now, as for the flow of this chapter, I think it moves really quickly where as the last one moved rather slowly. If you added in more description you could slow it down a bit. Just a suggestion though.

Feel free to request more (and I hope you don't mind the critique I've left you with).

Author's Response: Thank you! This was actually exactly the critique I was looking for. Flow is something I can work with, no problem. I guess a major problem with the story is that it's intended to be confusing in places or to have bits of info left out at first, and that's an angle that will be really difficult to do right. I'm hoping it gets easier as later chapters are posted.

Thank you for the review. I'll request when chapter three is validated.


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Review #50, by DarkLadyofSlytherin I

14th August 2010:
Hey there,
I'm here with the review you requested (finally)!

Let me just say, I love the description in this chapter. I love how it flows and is so beautifully written. The opening line was amazing. I think it was my favourite line out of the whole chapter.

Now rather than sound like a fangirl (which is always bad imo when reviewing), I'll leave some sort of critique.

I found parts to be rather confusing. Especially when the traveller can't remember who they are or if death eaters had just found her. This could be taken as both a good thing or a not so good thing, considering the character herself is confused and can't remember a darn thing - thus figuring she's insane.

Now, I must ask, was it on the 8th day that she ran out of water and food? Because I believe a person would die far sooner than 8 days without food or water.

Also, I really like that she knows or thinks she knows she's not supposed to do magic, though a little late since she cast a summoning charm. Though, how does 'death' equal a 'rock'? Unless of course she was hit hard enough that she was in fact dying? Just curious!

Overall this first chapter is amazing and I'm glad you requested it.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I have been dying for some actual feedback. Lately I've been caught up in continuing the story (I have six chapters written already) but I've always known that with all the confusion going on, it's something I will need to revise again and again. I appreciate the review and will be looking to fix this up a bit. :)

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