171 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Kelly Chapter Fifteen

12th October 2012:
Love this story so much :)

Author's Response: thanks i hope you keep coming back

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Review #27, by 227743Weasley Chapter Fifteen

23rd September 2012:
I have forgotten how much i loved this book. It was a little confusing towards the end, but still really good. i think i have to reread the previous chapters i am starting to forget parts of the book lol :)

Author's Response: Lol don't worry I just fixed the chapter sorry I hope it's better to read now

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Review #28, by Pattalack Chapter Fifteen

22nd September 2012:
I still love this story so please update soon!

Author's Response: thank you! :)

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Review #29, by DracoFerret11 Prologue

9th August 2012:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you! :D So, let's go over things:

Continuity: Okay, I'll start off with the only question that I had about the story--is Katherine Fabian/Gideon's daughter? If so, she would be Fred and George's first cousin, which would be massively awkward if she's to end up in a relationship with one of them.

Characterization: Okay! So we begin with Elizabeth, who is really great. I liked that she was strong enough to stand up to Rowle. I feel like she could have shown more fear since the situation WAS really terrible, but I can understand why you might not choose to write her that way. As for Katherine at eleven...she's not bad. I liked that she stood up to the other girl during the Sorting. She's obviously her mother's daughter, despite being adopted by a Death Eater. Which...for reference, why did he let her use his last name? Wouldn't that lead authorities right to him and he's known for Death Eater involvement? Anyhow, moving on, twins! I liked them both. I think you're doing well with them so far. And I loved Angelina's little mention. I have a huge love of her character. :D

Descriptions: Okay, I tell everyone this when I review--details, details, details! :] Telling readers how things look, smell, sound, feel, etc. can really bring the entire story to life. For instance, we didn't get too many details about how the characters looked, how the platform sounded, the atmosphere in the house when Elizabeth was killed, etc. And all those things can help bring the story to life.

Emotions: Same thing here. :] I almost got some details about George's nerves, but not many other things. I couldn't feel Elizabeth's fear, etc. :/ Adding things in to hint at how the characters are feeling will help tremendously.

Plot: Okay! So we've got an interesting beginning here. I'm intrigued as to why Rowle adopted Katherine. And I'm interested to see how the characters all become friends. This is sure to be a captivating story. :]

So far, so good! I'll read more ASAP!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hello sorry for the late response XD It's just this was such a long well though out review I had to read it a couple of times before answering.

I always get that question :P no she isn't you'll know who her father is soon.

I love Elizabeth too bad I had to kill her off XD I wrote the prologue so long ago and I agree there should be more emotion in it, I'll edit it when I get the chance :) Ahh like I said the reason for the last name comes up later, I'm glad you like the characters!

Details! Got it :) I'll take this into account when editing.
Thank you for such a thougtful review :) When I edit this chap I'll let you know :)


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Review #30, by angel_speaks Chapter Four

1st August 2012:
Hiya!
EM here again with your requested review ^_^

Characterization: I loved the amount of emotions that you wrote in the beginning of the chapter! I hope to see more of that in the future chapters! It definitely make Kat relatable. I can't wait to read more and more of the twins :D

Plot: So far so good. There wasn't any plot holes and the flow is ok. I think the transitions can go a lot more smoothly though. Nevertheless, this is still a pretty good chapter!

Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Hello Em!

I'm editing the chapters to include more description and emotion hopefully I'll be able to get that done, and i love the twins too :P

Phew! I'm happy there aren't any plot holes so far! I was secretly worried about those, got it I'll watch out for the transitions when I get the chance to edit this chapter in particular.

Thank you for your help!


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Review #31, by angel_speaks Chapter Three

1st August 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias again with your requested review.

Characterization: You are definitely doing pretty well on this part. On this chapter, the audience learned more of Kat's history. I really like how the story showed her relationships with the people she's with while she's not in school. With that plus the emotion that you incorporated makes her seem more human and relatable.

Plot: As I said, the Kat's history was very informative and really helped in developing the story as well as the characters (two thumbs up!). I'd really like to see more of that on the future chapters :D

Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Hello sorry for the late response :P

Thank you I'm happy to see I'm doing well with my characterization, I want her to be a relatable lead especially since she holds such a special place in my heart.

There will be more plot development in later chapters, the pacing although a bit slow at times I think is the right one for this story.


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Review #32, by angel_speaks Chapter Two

1st August 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias here with your requested review!
I'm so sorry that it's taking me awhile to fill your review.

Characterization:So far, I'm liking how your characters are turning out. from what I have read so far, they are pretty close to the canon (when it comes to J.K.'s original characters). I'm still loving Fred and George; their personalities are just too adorable to handle ;) I still look forward to Katherine Rowle. It would be nice to see more physical description of her including her emotions; i think that it would help develop her character and make her seem more human.

Plot: As for the plot, so far so good. I'm liking Katherine's interactions with George. I can't wait for all the romance to begin :D As mentioned previously, adding more to the details including your character's emotions will help with the development of the story as well as the characters.

Overall, I noticed some grammar and spelling issues. There were also some words missing, but nothing too disturbing and it's easily fixable ^_^ I hope this helps.

Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Hullo! Sorry for the late response :P

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy my characters , they are adorable aren't they :) More description, got that :)

I can't wait for the romance either :P But I'm trying to be as realistic as possible. I'll look over this chapter and fix those grammar errors :) Thank you for your review


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Review #33, by Lunar Moony Chapter Fourteen

30th July 2012:
love it so far.please continue

Author's Response: I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so far and I hope you'll the rest even more :)

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Review #34, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter Seven

29th July 2012:
Hi there!

Here with another review!

I really liked this chapter and I thought it carried over well from the previous chapter. I liked the meeting between Katherine and Pierre. He is an interesting fellow and I wish he would have divulged a bit more information about her mother and thre Prewetts. I did find it funny thought that the connection between Molly Prewett Weasley hadn't been made.

I also really like how you are keeping the story up and going with the times of the third book, but with your own flare to the entire story line. It is fresh and exciting to see things from other characters points of view.

The description was really well done in this chapter as well as the last one. I love being able to fall into the wonderful world that you are describing so perfectly. It really gives me a great sense of what you are imagining. The flow of the story was also better. I liked how it seemed to just mesh all together. The characterization of everyone was great in this chapter. Katherine is really shining here.

Overall, I love the characterization, plot development, the mystery into Katherine's mothers past and all the underlying details the entwine themselves together throughout the entire chapter and story.

Keep up the awesome writing! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Hullo!

The connection between Molly and her brothers will be made soon, Pierre doesn't really mention it because after a while he assumes she already knows.

Thank you! I'll soon be done with the POA timeline and hopefully the GOF timeline will be just as enjoyable.

Really I have loads of trouble with description so I'm happy to see I've gotten better and that Katherine is shining :)

Thank you!


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Review #35, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter Six

29th July 2012:
Hi there!

I am finally here with your review!

I must say that I really enjoyed this chapter. I really like the way that you characterize the Weasley twins. They are just these two comical guys who can never get enough of a good laugh and that is shown well here. I also like the way that your portray Katherine. She has so much going on all at once and sometimes it can be hard to follow.

I was a bit confused when she was talking to George and the Alicia and then she was writing a letter and then Lee jumped into the conversation. I think maybe you could seperate it more to make it flow a little better? This is just a suggestion.

I also really like the way that you keep this building mystery going. I can feel the plot progress so nicely. I also like the subtle use of descriptions. They are sprinkled throughout and don't over power the chapter at all.

Keep up the great writing! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Hello sorry for the late response.

I'm happy you enjoyed this chapter, wow the twins are probably one of the hardest characters to get right so thank you for the compliment :)

I'm sorry for the confusion and I'll take a look at the chapter again. Description is a huge problem for me so I'm glad you think i did that well.

Thank you! I will keep my writing up :)


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Review #36, by maskedmuggle Prologue

27th July 2012:
Hey!

I really liked this! It was a really great prologue - especially the first section. I really loved the drama, mystery and intrigue there. I am obviously sad with the implication that Thorfinn ended up killing Elizabeth.. I think.. I don't think he killed her daughter.. but the whole atmosphere of that bit was really tense and building to a climax.. the patronus thing was a good idea and Elizabeth being so tender with her daughter before brought a really sharp contrast to Thorfinn and what he means.

As for the second part, Fred/George are definitely two of my favourite characters. I loved how confident they were and still funny - I loved it with the giant squid when Fred tried to poke it with his wand. Something I also liked was the sorting - it was different to others because you highlighted how close they were and how much they wanted/needed to be in the same house. And the appearances of Charlie, Angelina, Lee were great.

Okay, Katherine Rowle. I am pretty sure that this means Thorfinn has taken Elizabeth's daughter and brought her up as his own? Intriguing and curious.. why would he? Unless this is all just a massive coincidence and my brain was connecting the dots in an invisible line. All in all, it was quite a nice prologue - the juxtaposition between the first and second part really make me as the reader interested to see how they'll join up into one story and where you're going to take this. Well-written! :)

- Charlotte

Author's Response: HI! :)

I'm glad you liked this :) We find out that later what truly happened on that night.

I love the twins which why they are part of the main cast in this story :) Besides the fact that I want to lighten this story up and they are perfect for it :) (I love Charlie, Angelina and Lee!)

Ahhh You learn later of Katherine relationship with Thorfinn, I'm happy you enjoyed the prologue :)

Thank you for the review


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Review #37, by CambAngst Chapter Fourteen

22nd July 2012:
Hello, again! I saw this posted a couple of days ago and I've been reading it on my phone. Had to wait until I got in front of a computer to review, though. I just can't write anything long with my thumbs.

Katherine has such good friends! They stick by her, even when she seems to be trying so hard to shut everyone out. Lee's persistence in the face of her frustration and even hostility was very loyal if not exactly wise. ;)

Her reaction to the small reminder of her uncle was interesting. It suddenly seemed to dawn on her that there was a good reason that he withheld the truth from her, and she seemed to forgive him just a bit.

I really, really wish you'd gone into some detail about the Quidditch match against Slytherin. Even though we already know how it ended, it would have been nice to have seen some of it from Katherine's point of view. I'm sure the Slytherins were being extra-nasty toward her and, as a chaser, she's much less insulated from it than Harry, who's flying high above the action, looking for the Snitch.

After it's over, she walls herself off once again. In the face of her break-up, I could see why she wouldn't want the company, but the poor girl is just tormenting herself at this point.

I guess my main constructive criticism would be that this chapter felt very spartan. There wasn't a whole lot going on, and the most interesting event was only referenced. If it was me, I would have considered rolling this one together with the one before it.

That said, I'm really excited to see the pace pick up and everything start to come together. You've woven so many mysterious little details into the story. I can't wait to see how all the pieces fit!

Author's Response: Hello again :) Don't I'm useless typing with my thumbs (and having long nails sure doesn't help my case :P)

Part of the story is supposed to be about friendship and I thought it was high time I demonstrated some, because I remember someone mentioning once that I should include more of the girls which I'm definitely trying to do.

I wanted to include her uncle even if for a moment, the man has a soft spot in my heart.

Oh if you read this before I post the next chapter I rewrote this because I hadn't included the match because I didn't have my POA copy around. (I wanted to stick as close to canon as possible)

The pieces are going to start fitting soon (hopefully :P) I'm not a heavy planner so I'm going to have to re-read everything in order to make sure I know everything (or find my notebook whatever comes first :P) I know I've said it before but thank you for your reviews and all your CC


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Review #38, by 227743Weasley Chapter Seven

21st July 2012:
I really like this book. Fred and George are my favorite characters. this is one of my favorite books. good job :)

Author's Response: Thank for your review I'm so happy you enjoyed it and I hope you've read on! (POA is also one of my favorites books :) )

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Review #39, by Starkidgleek Prologue

20th July 2012:
Hey it's me from the forums!!

I definately like the idea of this story... it's very different from any stories I have read before. I definately want to read more.

The begining had a nice homey feeling to it, which pulled me in right away. Right before the action began I felt it may have been a little fast paced, but it was still very captivating.

Fred and George seem very in character. I like their relationship with Charlie, and how they began to meet their friends that we had already heard of before. One thing though; isn't Cedric a year older than the twins? I not entirely sure but that is what I have always thought.

I'll get to the next chapter as soon as I can, and keep up the great writing!

Author's Response: Hey! It's nice to see ya!

Thank you I'm happy you like the idea of this story and I hope you enjoy the other chapters.

Cedric's in the twins year (I checked the wiki and my copy of GOF) he like Angelina was already seventeen when he entered his name in the goblet :)

Thanks again for stopping by so quickly, I hope you enjoy the other chapters :)


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Review #40, by Lunar Moony Chapter Thirteen

2nd July 2012:
Story is very good so far. I love that you have Molly's brothers incorprated into the story. Brilliant the way she turns to George, but I also appreciate the friendship with Fred.
Very excited for more work.xx
Kim

Author's Response: Thank you for your review :) You'll see more very soon.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the story more than you have so far.


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Review #41, by CambAngst Chapter Thirteen

28th June 2012:
Hello, again. Back to read your latest chapter.

I'm enjoying this slow progression of Katherine falling out of love with Michael and being gradually drawn toward George. Even as the rest of her life has come crashing down around her, he's a constant presence. And she's finally realized that she shouldn't have pushed him aside. You're taking her through a pretty low place, but it's nice to see something akin to a light at the end of the dark tunnel she's in.

The breakup with Michael was nicely prefaced and pretty well executed. It feels almost as though the Quidditch match was the catalyst for something that had been a long time in coming. In a sense, that's sort of pathetic on his part, but Katherine has also been avoiding the inevitable for some time. It's hard to let go, even when you know that you must.

And now she's been thrown into detention, by a sparkly vampire, no less, ;) Should be an interesting evening between her and Lee. Perhaps he'll help her figure a thing or two out.

I thought your writing was a bit rougher in this chapter than it's been for the past several. I saw quite a few typos scattered about. Here are a few that I noted:

-- "She didn't anymore of his words;" - "She didn't hear any more..."?

-- "On which their futures career would ride on." - I think either the "on" at the beginning or the end needs to go.

-- "She stood up walking out of the Great Hall, so far it had been two days since she had last spoken to Michael." - This would probably read better as two sentences.

-- "Yes dear I make sure you down the correct path of life" - "want to make sure you go down..."?

-- "she stopped for moment as she heard footsteps" - "she stopped for a moment"?

-- "As much as I love you argue with you" - "love to argue with you?

-- "you I bought somethings at Zonko's that I'd love" - not really sure what this was supposed to be.

Overall, the story is still going in a great direct and I'm enjoying myself. I guess the most substantial constructive criticism I can give you is that I find myself wishing that the pace was just a bit faster. You have so many tantalizing plot threads hanging out there at this point. I'd like to see more of them progressing.

Good job on this! Looking forward to the next update.

Author's Response: Hello thanks again for the CC, I admit I didn't look for errors as thoroughly in this chapter and I'm so sorry I take so long to respond to your reviews!

I was going to leave the break-up for later but I admit I don't really like Michael :P Also I need for her to be in a low place for now, the pace'll quicken soon :) I'm happy your enjoying yourself with the story I'll hopefully be able to keep this story enjoyable.

Thank again for your reviews :)


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Review #42, by Paloma_Renwood Chapter Six

26th June 2012:
Michael and Katherine sitting on a log , they fell back and had a SNOG !

Author's Response: I love this review XD It was hilarious, thank you for the review and the laugh Paloma :)

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Review #43, by angel_speaks Chapter One

22nd June 2012:
I'm loving this story!!! Like I said in the previous review, I am quite the sucker for a Weasley Romance!

This chapter was very well- written with minimal amount of grammatical errors. The characters are really written up to par with how they are in the original story line and I'm really loving their interactions with the new character, Katherine. It adds more to the flow, which is going smoothly. I can't wait to see more of the plot unfold itself.

I can't wait to read on ^_^

Author's Response: Ahh sorry for the late response I've been soo busy and I had totally forgotten about my unanswered reviews.

I'm glad you like the story so far, I too am a sucker for a Weasley romance :) I am so happy to see you like the characters! I work really hard on them so I am happy to see that pays off :)

Thank you and sorry for the late response!


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Review #44, by angel_speaks Prologue

21st June 2012:
I love romance stories about the twins!!! There's just something about them ^_^ Anyway, on with the review!

Overall, the story is very well written! There were no grammatical issues that I spotted. The characters were well written and similar to how they were portrayed in the original storyline. I can't wait to read more on Katherine and how the other characters interact with her.

The plot is looking pretty good. Like I said I'm a sucker for some Weasley twins love story, so i honestly can't wait to read more of this! (Please, re- request for a review ^_^)

Finally, the flow of the story is very smooth; keep it that way. ^_^ You did a really good job! You are off to a good start!

Happy Writing! 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you I asked you to review the story because I saw you like stories about the twins.

I hope the plot interest you as we get deeper into the story :)


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Review #45, by CambAngst Chapter Twelve

20th June 2012:
Hello, again! It's been a while. Glad to get back to your story.

Pierre's revelation to Katherine is heart-breaking. The last thing anyone ever wants to hear. I thought you set the scene up nicely and it was well-written. At the same time, Pierre's reaction felt a bit cold to me. Maybe it's just his "healer's detachment", but I would have expected him to be more comforting. Maybe try to tell her that her mother really did love her. Just something to soften the blow.

Her life really is collapsing around her, isn't it? Aside from the normal stresses of Fifth Year, there's also her disastrous personal life. I like that she realizes that it's truly just a consequence of her own choices, and the sense of powerlessness you gave her is frustrating but very realistic for a character her age. I'm looking forward to seeing how she gets past it.

It was neat to see her spend a bit of time with Hermione in the library. If the two of them become friendly, it might help Katherine find some clarity. Hermione is very insightful!

I thought your writing was fantastic in this chapter. I'm reading and reviewing on my phone, so I can't be quite as nit-picky as usual, but I really didn't see any typos, spelling or grammar problems. This is such a good story. I can't believe it isn't getting more love!

Author's Response: Hey! Sorry I haven't responded to your review but I've been so busy lately in fact I've barely been on the forums either...I hate school :( But here I am!

Your reviews are always a pleasure to read whether they have loads of CC or not I always learn or pick up a little something from them.

Pierre will soften the blow or rather he'll be after this he'll become someone more important in Katherine's life.

Her life is just falling to pieces I just wasn't sure I portrayed that correctly but thank you for think I gave her a realistic sense of powerlessness. I can't wait until she gets past it. I actually see some comment from Hermione give her some clarity.

I would love for them to become friendly especially since I feel Hermione didn't socialize much with people outside her year, it'd be cool to see her make an older friend.

I know what it feels like to review on something other than your computer, it does get frustrating, though I wished you would've seen th edited version... (I just submitted into the queue :P)

Lol thank that last sentence coming from you means alot :)


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Review #46, by HappyMollyWeasley Chapter Four

2nd June 2012:
Thank you for re-requesting! I am sorry that this review is so belated. I know it is ages since you asked me for this review...

I like how you have described George's feelings in this chapter. He is so cute with those clueless emotions of wanting to protect Katherine.

I also enjoyed that you have included moments from POA from their point of view. Are you going to let them interact more with Harry, Ron and Hermione later on, or are you sticking to your main focus of Katherine and her friends? I guess I'll see...

This chapter flows well and I liked it. It was rather slow, but not too slow. I wonder how much Fred has figured out about George...

Author's Response: Thanks for your review and sorry for the late response! (it's school I tell ya! School!)

Thank you I find it hard to write from a male perspective. I mean I'm always scared of making them sound like girls :P

Yes there will be more interaction with Harry and co!

You'll see what Fred knows later on. :) Again sorry for responding so late XD


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Review #47, by distantgalaxy Chapter One

31st May 2012:
hi! Here with your requested review! I definitely enjoy reading this story :)

To start with, I personally can't imagine Fred and George having stood there and watched the whole scene with the snow globe for so long before interjecting. With their quidditch reflexes I can see one of the twins even running to grab it when the Slytherin threw it (especially considering that George has a soft spot for Katherine). It just seems a little out of character for them to see a Slytherin treat a Gryffindor (no matter who the Gryffindor may be) like that and not do anything until the end, you know? Maybe write it as if they JUST walk onto the scene as the snow globe shatters to the ground.

It also seems a little odd that George hasn't shared his sentiments about Katherine with Fred, or that Fred hasn't picked up on it (considering how often George sneaks looks at her and how close the twins are to one another). I understand that George doesn't quite know what his feelings are, but I think that Fred would probably have a slight inkling as to what his brother is feeling.

It's definitely a fun read, I really enjoy the way the twins interact with one another. I would really love to read more from Katherine's perspective in the future! Not sure if you have written from her pov in the future chapters or not, but I'll just have to read on to know then, eh? :)

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad you enjoy the story.

The twins didn't interfere thinking Katherine would do something (I guess I should've written that somewhere...) She was known for being quick with a wand and to have quite the temper.

Oh later one it's all from Katherine's POV so you'll get to know her pretty well :)

Thank you for your review.


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Review #48, by CambAngst Chapter Eleven

26th May 2012:
So the end of the last chapter was a cliffhanger? It wasn't clear to me whether she had emerged from the memory or not, but I'm glad that it went on in this chapter. It made everything so much more clear.

Well, at least we've resolved the mystery of whether Thorfinn is Katherine's father. At least I think we have. I never really know with this story. You're crafty like that!

I absolutely loved the courage it took for Katherine to finally face up to her father and ultimately to leave. It's been a long time coming, and it was such a huge moment for her. Also, to do it in such a way as to maximize the embarrassment to him was a nice touch.

Her relationship with Nome was really touching. In so many stories I read, elves are basically reduced to scenery that talks, cooks and cleans. Nome seems to have a genuine affection for Katherine and I thought it was lovely that the feeling was obviously mutual.

The whole scene after she apparatus back to the home she shared with her uncle was hard to follow. Perhaps that was on purpose. I'm sure her state of mind was very frenetic. By my count, this was the second near-rape that Katherine has suffered in the story. Such a terrible thing for such a lovely lead character. I want somebody to step up and protect her and, more to the point, for her to allow somebody else to protect her.

And then it seems that Pierre does exactly that. So he is related to the Delacours. Very interesting. I like how you're able to tie in bits and pieces of canon here and there. I'm not sure what purpose it might serve, but we shall see.

Your writing seemed to be a bit less polished in this chapter than in the past several. I caught four typos that you might want to take another look at:

-- "he voice broke as she watched him come closer" - her voice

-- "She watched he father standing grimacing" - her father

-- "But first shed meet with her father, the grip on her wand tighten as she stood in front of his door." - tightened

-- "The small muggle neighborhood was small and currently dark." - Did you mean to say "small" twice like this?

This story is getting really, really good. Sometimes you lose me just a bit in the flashback scenes, so my big suggestion would be to slow those down just a bit and work in a little more description. But in general, this is a very enjoyable story!

Author's Response: Hello! I always like your reviews because you're helpful! Sorry I hadn't responded sooner but with long reviews like yours it takes a while (plus I've had homework :P) because it takes more thought... (I really try hard not to sound like an idiot)

Thank you for calling me crafty it made me smile. Oh and yes the end of the last chapter was meant to be a cliffhanger.

She had to leave her father, but I never planned for it to be so soon but as I was writing it became the most logical decision for Katherine though that won't be the last of Thorfinn.

I love Nome and I wish I could include him more often, as Katherine adores the poor elf. I agree usually in fan fiction elf just cooks, clean, and follow orders when surely to some witches and wizards they must be like family!

I know the apparation scene was hard to follow and I've been trying to rewrite it, I just haven't had the patience, I also think I didn't really portray her state of mind correctly (so I'm happy to see you perceived it as frenetic since it was difficult to write.) I really hate having anything bad happen to Kat (she's my favorite Oc.)

Pierre's a sweet guy, another charcter I wish I could include more, he's related to the Delacours and that'll play a part later on :)

Thank you for pointing out the typos, I write really late at night, and I sometimes don't catch them.

I'm taking your suggestion about the descriptions, I need more practice on them since I tend to give them little love :)

I don't think I've said this before but thank you for your CC and your reviews in general :) It's always nice to see someone take the time to give such detailed reviews.




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Review #49, by CambAngst Chapter Ten

26th May 2012:
Back again for more!

The letter from Katherine's father definitely started the chapter off on a down note. Based on the end of the last chapter, it's tough to figure out what to make of the man. It seems like there's the potential for a relationship there, but also an almost insurmountable distance. Strange...

Hmmnn... So Katherine's mother and father did have some sort of relationship at one point in time. That makes things even more complex. You are weaving so many pieces of information together now, some of it conflicting and some complimentary. A great puzzle.

The end of the first scene with Katherine and Michael was disturbing. The boy clearly has a dark, aggressive side to him. I rather hoped to see George or maybe Angelina show up and hex him.

So Katherine's boggart is a... dementor pretending to be her mother? Sorry, that part wasn't clear to me.

And her flashback to whatever it was that transpired between her and Michael. Or George... I was honestly kind of confused, but it was painful to read.

"Besides one word and knowing George Weasley he'd kill Michael." - Well, that's certainly suggestive.

Everything that happens after Katherine gets home just adds to the air of mystery that pervades the chapter. Her great-grandfather's almost-revelation, the memory she views in the penseive... all of it seems to be building toward some sort of big reveal. Is Thorfinn really her father or is it Gideon? Enquiring minds want to know. ;)

I noticed four things in this chapter that you might want to take a closer look at:

-- "Katherine was going to give Selwyn the pleasure of seeing her in a weakened state." - was not going to give?

-- "Well super should be ready soon" - supper

-- "Now little girl watch your tone! I'm you're great grandfather!" - your

-- "Katherine now heard lighting and before her appeared a dark street." - lightning?

Overall, I thought this was a great chapter, although some of her flashbacks were a little too unclear for me. Maybe I'm just being dense or something, but I had a tough time trying to figure out what imagery you were invoking. Still, the story is getting very, very good. Mysteries abound...

Author's Response: Hell CambAngst! Sorry for the late response to this review.

Michael does have his dark side, the part of the dementor-like thingy (< creative isn't it XD) But no it is her mother but at this point she's never seen her mother which is the reason for the cloak, thanks for bringing that up though, perhaps I should write that somewhere in the chapter.

You'll know more about her father soon :P

And sorry for the typos I type faster than what I think, plus I thought I had looked it over. (Thanks for mentioning them though! It makes them easy to find.) I wrote the chapter on a whim which I think makes it so difficult to understand but thank you for your review over the summer I'll take a closer look at this chapter.


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Review #50, by BoOkWoRm24 Chapter One

25th May 2012:
Requested Review

Alright so this was an interesting chapter. I liked the insight that we got into Katherine's character. We learned a bit more about her personality here as you really showed her aptitude for books, and of course there was that sneak peak into her past.

I think your characterization was spot on. Fred and George both seemed like the fun loving pranksters that they are in the books. I like how you incorperated some lines from the books into this i.e. "Ask no questions and I'll tell you no lies".

The Slytherins seem a bit extreme in this chapter, but I suppose that its accurate for how they would actually act in the actual books. I felt so bad for Katherine when the snow globe was smashed. Selwyn is a git.

I did see a few things in here that you could improve on. For one the flash back seemed a bit abrupt. I would add some kind of transition in there. Also the formating was a bit distracting, so I would go back and fix that.

Other than those two things you're golden :)

Hope this helped.
-BoOkWoRm24

Author's Response: Hello sorry for the late response!

I'm happy you think the characterization was spot on, it's one of the things that worry me the most! Lol that's one of my favorites line in the book, when I was a kid I thought it was absolutely brilliant.

Thank you for mentioning the formatting I know that tends to get on people's nerves (plus it is distracting.) And of course I'll smooth the transition to the flashback.

Thank you for the review.


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