180 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Santa, the one and only Prologue

2nd January 2014:
Ho! Ho! How are you??

Santa here to give you your belated gifts and I apologize for the tardiness. I posted two amazing (what? I'm Santa, everything I do is great, right?) reviews but for some obscure reason, they have disapeared and so, here I come again!

I really enjoyed this chapter. The opening scene was very nicely written and I love how you jumped into the action. It was quite dark and you really mastered it. I'm very interested in knowing more about Katherine, that's for sure!

The second half of this chapter was simply brilliant. I have a soft spot for stories that revolve around younger characters and their beginnings at Hogwarts. You did a great job creating these youngsters in a really true fashion. They were somewhat innocent and emotional in the right way.
Fred and George was spot on. This is precisely the way I imagine them in their younger years; you really captured their "innocent" in this chapter.

Great job, I really enjoyed this prologue and will be back for more!

I hope you have a great beginning of 2014 :)

Author's Response: Hey Santa

I look forward to you're gifts and I'm happy you enjoyed that first chapter, if you keep reading (which I hope you do) you'll get to know Katherine a little bit. I love the second it was fun to tried and imagine everyone's innocence at that age.


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Review #27, by loveinidleness Chapter Six

16th October 2013:
This chapter makes me happy. I'm really please Katherine is happy and I love the way you describe all the behind the bike shed (or in this case greenhouse/bridge) action. It's very fun and is nice alongside the drama and tragedy of Katherine's homelife.

I loved how unexpected George's little romance is. The gossip in me is like 'well he's only doing it because Katherine has Michael' so I'm really enjoying the playfulness and tension you're creating their. You handled the subject of writing first kisses so well, you conveyed the fact they were a touch awkward without making it cringy to read at all.

I do think in the middle the flow becomes just a little hard to follow. Things like why did Katherine point to the sofa and say two hours tops then not return, and just the conversation between George, Alica and Katherine could just do with a second draft to clarify who said what and why they're saying things.

Oh Fred and Angelina! It's so realistic, in teenage circles everyone does just flirt with and date everyone. It made me laugh when that came up, can't wait to see where it goes.

Tiny thing - I'd put in a line break between Heather and George being very close and Katherine being very cold, just to help the flow.

I'm still not entirely clear about what's happening with the Journal. Has she sat down to read it? How does she feel about it? What's she hoping for? In general what's in it? I really want to know more about that.

Author's Response: Thank you for all your reviews soo far, they are of great help, I love the gossip after all they're only fifteen, they're supposed to gossip I guess.

Heather's just sociall climbing in a way I think she can rarely tell them apart but I don't hate her she does play a part soon :)

I re-read the chapter and yeah the middle seemss really choopy so thank for pointing that out.

Oh I love Fred and Angeline (my OTP)


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Review #28, by loveinidleness Chapter Five

16th October 2013:
Back again, you just can't keep me away.

Love that we're getting into the inevitable hogwarts love triangles. You're writing perfectly captures the blushing, fumbling, awkward nature of young love's first foray into dating. It's great fun to read and really adds texture to your main plot line. I'd maybe like a bit more of that, how did Katherine and blackwood go from really distant and awkward on the train to leaving cutesy notes ;) - but that's just me, I'm a sucker for that kinda stuff.

I like how the plot is advancing. I'm glad we're seeing Katherine begin to take proactive steps to find her mother by researching her. I think, especially now she's older, that's such a natural and realistic step for her to take.

You mention though that she's been obsessed ever since she read the first page of her mother's journal (a pedantic britpick would be diary rather than journal but I don't really understand the need for britpicking, it's just if you care...) However we never got to see the first page did we? Personally I really, really want to read it. I feel I still have a connection with the mother because of your brilliant portrayal of her in the prologue and I would love to see what she wrote. Even if you don't want to let your audience into what's written their quite yet, I would love to see you add in a bit about exactly when Katherine first sat down to read the book, It's such a monumental moment, after hiding the diary for so many years, she finally sits down to read her mothers words... I really would love to get Katherine's response to that.

I really like the way you are lacing your plot with just day-to-day bits of what's happening at Hogwarts. I love just reading the world and seeing how authors open it up and make it their own so I'm enjoying that. Oliver made me laugh :)

Author's Response: Your probably tired of reading it, but thank you for so much help! :)

I like the ploy is advancing I only add the love triangle to lighten the mood of the story. You are right about the journal (diary... it get confusing.) That an other moments will go under revision in the summer in which I'll have more time to myself. (Honestly back then I had no idea what he mother could have written to cause Katherine such a reaction buy looking back I do.)

Jaja I love Oliver as well, I a fic that revolves about him,.


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Review #29, by loveinidleness Chapter Four

13th October 2013:
Hello,

I really enjoyed this chapter. I've noticed other reviewers mentioned struggling with the time jumps. Personally I haven't because you've put in all those helpful Sept 1993 things. Perhaps even something as simple as putting them in bold would help matters?

I also think there could be hundreds of reasons why Katherine decided not to look at her mother's book. In fact I love the fact you didn't look at it right away because plotting the story across years is brave and wonderful to read. Perhaps just a line explaining why she decided not to open the book would really help readers understand her better.

I love Blackwood. Already I have a crush on him, is that weird? I also think her coy embarrassed response is so realistic and really places her as a shy 15 year old girl.

I ADORE the fact you've included the dementors. Seeing the scarring incident from another point of view is really interesting. Of course one of the biggest problems for authors attempting to set their story within the books is keeping to the rules J.K put down while changing things to make them fit your own story. In the books it says clearly that Harry was the only one to hear voices and start screaming. Now I completely understand why Katherine would have the same reaction but perhaps create a reason why no one else at the school would know, it could be as simple as she's embarrassed. Also it expressly says Malfoy doesn't scream as that's why he spends the rest of the year tormenting Harry so that's something to think about. It's fine not to change it as you're completely entitled to creative liberties but i thought I'd mention it.

I also saw in response to another review you said you were worried about writing male POVs in case they sound like girls. Don't be. Every time you've written from a guys side it's been really clear that it's a man talking. You're more than a good enough writer to clearly present any gender :)

Author's Response: Hello first off sorry for the long wait between RL and being in the hospital it's be pretty hard. Anyway I'll take you're review paragraph, I never noticed or rather explained why she could not open the book, thank you for mentioning that for me, along with putting the time in bold.

I love/hate Blackwood, you'll see why, anyway hes the kind of guy any girl a girl would want. Handsome, charming, successful.

Of course I hadn't to include the dementors, they become important later on.

I feel like I should change the demontor part have to stick more to canon.

Really it flatters me to know I can wtite bot male and female characters.

Thank you for you reviews as always :)



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Review #30, by loveinidleness Chapter Three

13th October 2013:
Hello,

First of all, I'm so sorry for taking so long to get back to reviewing your work. Believe me it's not that I didn't want to.

So I agree with what another reviewer said in that it could have been two chapters. But, having said that, your writing keep me engaged right the way through. It's also a credit to how strong your story is that, even though I hadn't read it in several days, the details came flooding back to me instantly.

The Quidditch match was an exceptional way to start this chapter. You wrote it so well. You conveyed the fast paced, and violent nature of the game without making it confusing for the readers. I also loved how you put your own twist on Lee's commentary. In J.Ks books he's (slightly) better at hiding his bias, whereas here, he's younger and bolder. It's those sort of ideas that makes your writing so exciting.

I have to admit I'm a touch confused with the moment after Katherine nearly get's hit with a buldger. George says just in case, the name's George and this solicits a strong response from Katherine, she just floats there. It was unclear if this was the moment that George was revealing his identity to her. If so you've been so expertly building towards it and the moment was somewhat glossed over. I would have loved more about both of their reactions from why George picked that moment to admit it to How does Katherine feel this will change their relationship. If it's not the case and he's just admitting which twin hit the buldger maybe that should just be made a touch clearer either way.

I'm so excited that we're finally getting to know more about Thronfinn and her relationship with him. It's such an interesting premise and you're really playing with suspense which is great. I think his characterisation is excellent, he blends in with the rich, pure blood families we know from the books but you make him your own. I think using Selina was very clever, the focus on how Katherine has to look and act, i.e it has to be appropriate, tells us a lot about their twisted values and the way she is treated in the home.

I also love Nome.

I love the mystery you're surround Egil with. The strange circumstances of his supposed suicide (if I read that right) and the letter. I did wonder if, in such an important letter, he would use short hand like 'fess up.' I do also think you should add in a little bit more of Katherine's response to such a poignant letter and precious belongings of her mother. She doesn't look at them or mention them again and as a reader I want to know why. Is it because she's scared of her father? she wants to put the past behind her? she doesn't care about secrets? Was it the discovery of these objects that prompted her to ask her father for more information or was she planning on doing that anyway?

I would also like to really understand how she feels about her father. You've conveyed beautifully how confused she is about the whole situation, she's torn and full of feelings that a girl of her age probably doesn't entirely understand. But perhaps being alone in this strange house might give her the opportunity to reflect and in doing so allow the reader to better understand this character that, I know I have really come to care about.

Oh and I love the Weasley Christmas! Exactly how I would have imagined it.

Author's Response: Hey and sorry for the long wait, oh and Happy Holidays :) (PS RL gets in the way remotely fun)

Anyway let's start. Thank you I love Jordan and I'm hoping to see if I can write a novella based on him. I loved how you though my Qudditch scenes are rubbish and you did figure out , something I only vaguely saw.

I love all the Rowle they have their unique which you'l see more of them later. But my favorite is Nome, he's such a sweet elf (I have to read it the letter I mean this story is older tan I can imagine.)

I also love writing the Weasley christmas ;0

Again thank you for your time :)


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Review #31, by loveinidleness Chapter Two

7th October 2013:
Quidditch - YAY!
There's not enough of that around. I like the way you're taking your time with the plot, revealing it little by little rather than rushing through and adding in fun little textures. Drama on the quidditch pitch is a wonderful way to broaden your story and keep your readers interested while still progressing the plot.

I like the way we saw more of Katherine, I really think we're getting to know her which I love. It's very difficult to create an original OC but you're managing it well.

I like the way George isn't telling Fred yet. They're very close but at that age you would be too embarrassed to talk about girls even with your twin. I think that's a realistic and fun detail. I also love the fact George isn't telling her which one he is. Not only is that a really funny concept, it does sound like something an immature boy would do.

Oh one point and this is me being an idiot as oppose to a problem in your writing but I thought I'd mentioned it. You called one of your characters Wesley, which is really rather close to weasley and it did rather confuse me. Does that have to be his name? it might help the readability of the piece if he was... Derek or something. Also I wasn't sure about the comment about Percy being cruel, perhaps that's because I've always had a soft spot and at this point he was an idiot but not really mean.

I think you're being very clever in the way you're introducing the reader to thornfinn. We start with such a powerful experience in the prologue and then we very slowly get the fuller picture. It really makes me want to read on. Does Katherine know? What exactly happened? Does he care for her? etc etc. I'm kept guessing in a very good way.

Author's Response: Hello and I'm so sorry for the late response, RL has been way hectic lately. Especially since I'm almost done with school, I just wanna let you know though I am reading your reviews I just haven't has a chance to give you a proper response :)

Now before I start thank you for taking the time for such a lovely review.

I love Quidditch and I think it's something that should be included more in Hogwarts Era fan fiction. I've never wanted to rush the plot, I mean where's the fun in the story if you rush it.

I love Katherine and I spent a lot of time creating her and studying her character.

The Wesley problem, yeah I was conscious of it and told myself to fix but it seems I have forgotten about it XD Sorry and thank you for pointing it out. Oh Percy isn't cruel the guy's sweet ( little uptight but not evil) but the story is from a different POV.

Thank you for calling me clever that made me blush a bit :) And I'm happy to keep you guessing :)


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Review #32, by loveinidleness Chapter One

7th October 2013:
Really interesting Chapter.

I'm loving your use of time jumps as it allows us to see more of the story and follow the boys as they grow. Once again Fred and Georges characters are divine and very funny. The line about 'he would have to ask one of his brothers too explain women' made me choke on my tea.

I must admit though I did find this chapter a little bit confusing. I think maybe the high proportion of dialogue and the use of pronouns meant I kept missing bits and having to read sections several times before I understood what was going on. For example I got the impression Katherine had always been unpopular and separate, and I was wondering why that was. In general though your pacing and flow is good, the story keeps moving at a good speed and I don't think it's a problem that a second draft wouldn't smooth over. But I thought I should mention it.

I think you've already demonstrated that you're a genuinely funny writer and I'd love to see you use that skills to expand on some of the areas. For example I love the crush that's developing but it does seem a little old for them. They almost read as 15/16 and the twins aren't exactly famed for their sensitivity. I think writing a crush from a 12 year olds POV is incredibly funny and something I know you could be hilarious with. Maybe something to think about?

I also think it's brilliant how you've got back to Hogwarts and the house rivalry. It does bring me back to the earlier books and that's great fun to read.

I also love how much you tease your reader, dropping in hints, playing with foreshadowing and unexpectedly throwing in revelations. That makes it very readable.

Author's Response: Hey hey, I finally have another moment to sit down and respond to your review :3 Glad I've made you laugh.

Sorry for the confusing, I probably haven't looked at this chapter in years. Thank you for mentioning the problem.

A lot of people have said that about the crush, but I didn't mean to make it look like a crush it was to be instead like a "I don't wanna been seen with her because ppl will think we're together...ew" type thing.

I'll look over this chapter, like you said in your review, a second draft will help this chapter loads. :)

Thank you for your insight :)


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Review #33, by loveinidleness Prologue

7th October 2013:
First a confession. Previously I have actively avoided Fred/ George Fanfic as I still have yet to come to terms with the death of Fred (I realise he's fictional but still... and on that point don't even mention Dobby ) That said after just reading your prologue you made me realise how much I was missing out on.

You have managed to capture their voices with exceptional skill. You make them genuinely funny already but also allow us into their own secret and more personal world that we never really got to see in the original books. The vulnerability of will we both be put in the same house allows the reader to early on accept and relish them as protagonists and not just comic relief. You've got the balance spot on!

I'm also loving our new friend Katherine. Of course we don't know much about her yet but you've really peaked my interest and I want to read on badly to find out more. Characterisations are clearly one of your skills. (Oh love Charlie, swooning at your description)

The first half was an exceptional beginning. You play with tones and moods so cleverly in your writing. The tenderness at the beginning is heart-wrenching. One thing I normally dislike is when writers through around names too early on without saying who they are etc I think all too often it comes across as convoluted. However, in your piece you did pitch it exactly right I was honestly intrigued as opposed to frustrated. The parallels of course with Mr Potter are very evident and I really want to know where you're going with that. You certainly have me hooked.

I'm really struggling to come up with useful CC at this point. I'm going to keep reading in the hopes I can be more useful.

P.s. sorry for the delay in getting back to you, horrible real life is in the way :(

Author's Response: I can't seem to avoid Fred/George fan fiction, I love them to bits! (I was devastated when Fred died.)

Thank you, I'm glad Katherine peaked your interest and wasn't just a bland OC or wasn't Mary-Sueish :P (I love Charlie, I wish I could feature him more often.)

Yay! I'm happy to see I got you curious, and it's ok real life gets in my way too.


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Review #34, by CambAngst Chapter Fifteen

16th October 2012:
Hello, there! Sorry it's been a while since I've been by to read and review. Hopefully I can make up for frequency with quality. ;)

This was a great chapter, plot-wise. I felt like the story is really starting to come together, especially from Katherine's point of view. The confrontation with her father was chilling. He didn't seem like he was planning to take no for an answer until Pierre showed up.

Then it seemed like the two men fought. Or at least argued quite vehemently about Katherine's future. Given the timing of these events, I have a bad feeling about Pierre's future prospects now that he's made Thorfinn angry. Voldemort should be rebuilding his followers right around this point, and the Death Eaters were escalating their campaign of terror. Not a good time to be antagonizing them.

Another piece of the puzzle finally slides into place for Katherine! I still feel like we're going to learn that Thorfinn wasn't really her father. Whether it turns out to be Egil or Pierre or Fabian... well, that's part of what's keeping me reading. I'm really looking forward to her visit with the Weasley's. I think she's going to discover some things.

I'm sure it won't come as news to you that your writing was pretty rough in this chapter. I saw lots of typos and they made the story kind of hard to follow in a few places. Hopefully you can get it cleaned up, because otherwise, this chapter was great!

Author's Response: I haven't responded to your review, I'm sooo sorry for the late response, but I left your review so it would serve me as a reminder to edit this chapter along with others. You have no idea, how much help your reviews are. They always give me something to think about :)



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Review #35, by Kelly Chapter Fifteen

12th October 2012:
Love this story so much :)

Author's Response: thanks i hope you keep coming back

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Review #36, by 227743Weasley Chapter Fifteen

23rd September 2012:
I have forgotten how much i loved this book. It was a little confusing towards the end, but still really good. i think i have to reread the previous chapters i am starting to forget parts of the book lol :)

Author's Response: Lol don't worry I just fixed the chapter sorry I hope it's better to read now

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Review #37, by Pattalack Chapter Fifteen

22nd September 2012:
I still love this story so please update soon!

Author's Response: thank you! :)

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Review #38, by DracoFerret11 Prologue

9th August 2012:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you! :D So, let's go over things:

Continuity: Okay, I'll start off with the only question that I had about the story--is Katherine Fabian/Gideon's daughter? If so, she would be Fred and George's first cousin, which would be massively awkward if she's to end up in a relationship with one of them.

Characterization: Okay! So we begin with Elizabeth, who is really great. I liked that she was strong enough to stand up to Rowle. I feel like she could have shown more fear since the situation WAS really terrible, but I can understand why you might not choose to write her that way. As for Katherine at eleven...she's not bad. I liked that she stood up to the other girl during the Sorting. She's obviously her mother's daughter, despite being adopted by a Death Eater. Which...for reference, why did he let her use his last name? Wouldn't that lead authorities right to him and he's known for Death Eater involvement? Anyhow, moving on, twins! I liked them both. I think you're doing well with them so far. And I loved Angelina's little mention. I have a huge love of her character. :D

Descriptions: Okay, I tell everyone this when I review--details, details, details! :] Telling readers how things look, smell, sound, feel, etc. can really bring the entire story to life. For instance, we didn't get too many details about how the characters looked, how the platform sounded, the atmosphere in the house when Elizabeth was killed, etc. And all those things can help bring the story to life.

Emotions: Same thing here. :] I almost got some details about George's nerves, but not many other things. I couldn't feel Elizabeth's fear, etc. :/ Adding things in to hint at how the characters are feeling will help tremendously.

Plot: Okay! So we've got an interesting beginning here. I'm intrigued as to why Rowle adopted Katherine. And I'm interested to see how the characters all become friends. This is sure to be a captivating story. :]

So far, so good! I'll read more ASAP!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hello sorry for the late response XD It's just this was such a long well though out review I had to read it a couple of times before answering.

I always get that question :P no she isn't you'll know who her father is soon.

I love Elizabeth too bad I had to kill her off XD I wrote the prologue so long ago and I agree there should be more emotion in it, I'll edit it when I get the chance :) Ahh like I said the reason for the last name comes up later, I'm glad you like the characters!

Details! Got it :) I'll take this into account when editing.
Thank you for such a thougtful review :) When I edit this chap I'll let you know :)


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Review #39, by angel_speaks Chapter Four

1st August 2012:
Hiya!
EM here again with your requested review ^_^

Characterization: I loved the amount of emotions that you wrote in the beginning of the chapter! I hope to see more of that in the future chapters! It definitely make Kat relatable. I can't wait to read more and more of the twins :D

Plot: So far so good. There wasn't any plot holes and the flow is ok. I think the transitions can go a lot more smoothly though. Nevertheless, this is still a pretty good chapter!

Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Hello Em!

I'm editing the chapters to include more description and emotion hopefully I'll be able to get that done, and i love the twins too :P

Phew! I'm happy there aren't any plot holes so far! I was secretly worried about those, got it I'll watch out for the transitions when I get the chance to edit this chapter in particular.

Thank you for your help!


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Review #40, by angel_speaks Chapter Three

1st August 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias again with your requested review.

Characterization: You are definitely doing pretty well on this part. On this chapter, the audience learned more of Kat's history. I really like how the story showed her relationships with the people she's with while she's not in school. With that plus the emotion that you incorporated makes her seem more human and relatable.

Plot: As I said, the Kat's history was very informative and really helped in developing the story as well as the characters (two thumbs up!). I'd really like to see more of that on the future chapters :D

Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Hello sorry for the late response :P

Thank you I'm happy to see I'm doing well with my characterization, I want her to be a relatable lead especially since she holds such a special place in my heart.

There will be more plot development in later chapters, the pacing although a bit slow at times I think is the right one for this story.


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Review #41, by angel_speaks Chapter Two

1st August 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias here with your requested review!
I'm so sorry that it's taking me awhile to fill your review.

Characterization:So far, I'm liking how your characters are turning out. from what I have read so far, they are pretty close to the canon (when it comes to J.K.'s original characters). I'm still loving Fred and George; their personalities are just too adorable to handle ;) I still look forward to Katherine Rowle. It would be nice to see more physical description of her including her emotions; i think that it would help develop her character and make her seem more human.

Plot: As for the plot, so far so good. I'm liking Katherine's interactions with George. I can't wait for all the romance to begin :D As mentioned previously, adding more to the details including your character's emotions will help with the development of the story as well as the characters.

Overall, I noticed some grammar and spelling issues. There were also some words missing, but nothing too disturbing and it's easily fixable ^_^ I hope this helps.

Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Hullo! Sorry for the late response :P

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy my characters , they are adorable aren't they :) More description, got that :)

I can't wait for the romance either :P But I'm trying to be as realistic as possible. I'll look over this chapter and fix those grammar errors :) Thank you for your review


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Review #42, by Lunar Moony Chapter Fourteen

30th July 2012:
love it so far.please continue

Author's Response: I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so far and I hope you'll the rest even more :)

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Review #43, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter Seven

29th July 2012:
Hi there!

Here with another review!

I really liked this chapter and I thought it carried over well from the previous chapter. I liked the meeting between Katherine and Pierre. He is an interesting fellow and I wish he would have divulged a bit more information about her mother and thre Prewetts. I did find it funny thought that the connection between Molly Prewett Weasley hadn't been made.

I also really like how you are keeping the story up and going with the times of the third book, but with your own flare to the entire story line. It is fresh and exciting to see things from other characters points of view.

The description was really well done in this chapter as well as the last one. I love being able to fall into the wonderful world that you are describing so perfectly. It really gives me a great sense of what you are imagining. The flow of the story was also better. I liked how it seemed to just mesh all together. The characterization of everyone was great in this chapter. Katherine is really shining here.

Overall, I love the characterization, plot development, the mystery into Katherine's mothers past and all the underlying details the entwine themselves together throughout the entire chapter and story.

Keep up the awesome writing! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Hullo!

The connection between Molly and her brothers will be made soon, Pierre doesn't really mention it because after a while he assumes she already knows.

Thank you! I'll soon be done with the POA timeline and hopefully the GOF timeline will be just as enjoyable.

Really I have loads of trouble with description so I'm happy to see I've gotten better and that Katherine is shining :)

Thank you!


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Review #44, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter Six

29th July 2012:
Hi there!

I am finally here with your review!

I must say that I really enjoyed this chapter. I really like the way that you characterize the Weasley twins. They are just these two comical guys who can never get enough of a good laugh and that is shown well here. I also like the way that your portray Katherine. She has so much going on all at once and sometimes it can be hard to follow.

I was a bit confused when she was talking to George and the Alicia and then she was writing a letter and then Lee jumped into the conversation. I think maybe you could seperate it more to make it flow a little better? This is just a suggestion.

I also really like the way that you keep this building mystery going. I can feel the plot progress so nicely. I also like the subtle use of descriptions. They are sprinkled throughout and don't over power the chapter at all.

Keep up the great writing! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Hello sorry for the late response.

I'm happy you enjoyed this chapter, wow the twins are probably one of the hardest characters to get right so thank you for the compliment :)

I'm sorry for the confusion and I'll take a look at the chapter again. Description is a huge problem for me so I'm glad you think i did that well.

Thank you! I will keep my writing up :)


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Review #45, by maskedmuggle Prologue

27th July 2012:
Hey!

I really liked this! It was a really great prologue - especially the first section. I really loved the drama, mystery and intrigue there. I am obviously sad with the implication that Thorfinn ended up killing Elizabeth.. I think.. I don't think he killed her daughter.. but the whole atmosphere of that bit was really tense and building to a climax.. the patronus thing was a good idea and Elizabeth being so tender with her daughter before brought a really sharp contrast to Thorfinn and what he means.

As for the second part, Fred/George are definitely two of my favourite characters. I loved how confident they were and still funny - I loved it with the giant squid when Fred tried to poke it with his wand. Something I also liked was the sorting - it was different to others because you highlighted how close they were and how much they wanted/needed to be in the same house. And the appearances of Charlie, Angelina, Lee were great.

Okay, Katherine Rowle. I am pretty sure that this means Thorfinn has taken Elizabeth's daughter and brought her up as his own? Intriguing and curious.. why would he? Unless this is all just a massive coincidence and my brain was connecting the dots in an invisible line. All in all, it was quite a nice prologue - the juxtaposition between the first and second part really make me as the reader interested to see how they'll join up into one story and where you're going to take this. Well-written! :)

- Charlotte

Author's Response: HI! :)

I'm glad you liked this :) We find out that later what truly happened on that night.

I love the twins which why they are part of the main cast in this story :) Besides the fact that I want to lighten this story up and they are perfect for it :) (I love Charlie, Angelina and Lee!)

Ahhh You learn later of Katherine relationship with Thorfinn, I'm happy you enjoyed the prologue :)

Thank you for the review


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Review #46, by CambAngst Chapter Fourteen

22nd July 2012:
Hello, again! I saw this posted a couple of days ago and I've been reading it on my phone. Had to wait until I got in front of a computer to review, though. I just can't write anything long with my thumbs.

Katherine has such good friends! They stick by her, even when she seems to be trying so hard to shut everyone out. Lee's persistence in the face of her frustration and even hostility was very loyal if not exactly wise. ;)

Her reaction to the small reminder of her uncle was interesting. It suddenly seemed to dawn on her that there was a good reason that he withheld the truth from her, and she seemed to forgive him just a bit.

I really, really wish you'd gone into some detail about the Quidditch match against Slytherin. Even though we already know how it ended, it would have been nice to have seen some of it from Katherine's point of view. I'm sure the Slytherins were being extra-nasty toward her and, as a chaser, she's much less insulated from it than Harry, who's flying high above the action, looking for the Snitch.

After it's over, she walls herself off once again. In the face of her break-up, I could see why she wouldn't want the company, but the poor girl is just tormenting herself at this point.

I guess my main constructive criticism would be that this chapter felt very spartan. There wasn't a whole lot going on, and the most interesting event was only referenced. If it was me, I would have considered rolling this one together with the one before it.

That said, I'm really excited to see the pace pick up and everything start to come together. You've woven so many mysterious little details into the story. I can't wait to see how all the pieces fit!

Author's Response: Hello again :) Don't I'm useless typing with my thumbs (and having long nails sure doesn't help my case :P)

Part of the story is supposed to be about friendship and I thought it was high time I demonstrated some, because I remember someone mentioning once that I should include more of the girls which I'm definitely trying to do.

I wanted to include her uncle even if for a moment, the man has a soft spot in my heart.

Oh if you read this before I post the next chapter I rewrote this because I hadn't included the match because I didn't have my POA copy around. (I wanted to stick as close to canon as possible)

The pieces are going to start fitting soon (hopefully :P) I'm not a heavy planner so I'm going to have to re-read everything in order to make sure I know everything (or find my notebook whatever comes first :P) I know I've said it before but thank you for your reviews and all your CC


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Review #47, by 227743Weasley Chapter Seven

21st July 2012:
I really like this book. Fred and George are my favorite characters. this is one of my favorite books. good job :)

Author's Response: Thank for your review I'm so happy you enjoyed it and I hope you've read on! (POA is also one of my favorites books :) )

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Review #48, by Starkidgleek Prologue

20th July 2012:
Hey it's me from the forums!!

I definately like the idea of this story... it's very different from any stories I have read before. I definately want to read more.

The begining had a nice homey feeling to it, which pulled me in right away. Right before the action began I felt it may have been a little fast paced, but it was still very captivating.

Fred and George seem very in character. I like their relationship with Charlie, and how they began to meet their friends that we had already heard of before. One thing though; isn't Cedric a year older than the twins? I not entirely sure but that is what I have always thought.

I'll get to the next chapter as soon as I can, and keep up the great writing!

Author's Response: Hey! It's nice to see ya!

Thank you I'm happy you like the idea of this story and I hope you enjoy the other chapters.

Cedric's in the twins year (I checked the wiki and my copy of GOF) he like Angelina was already seventeen when he entered his name in the goblet :)

Thanks again for stopping by so quickly, I hope you enjoy the other chapters :)


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Review #49, by Lunar Moony Chapter Thirteen

2nd July 2012:
Story is very good so far. I love that you have Molly's brothers incorprated into the story. Brilliant the way she turns to George, but I also appreciate the friendship with Fred.
Very excited for more work.xx
Kim

Author's Response: Thank you for your review :) You'll see more very soon.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the story more than you have so far.


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Review #50, by CambAngst Chapter Thirteen

28th June 2012:
Hello, again. Back to read your latest chapter.

I'm enjoying this slow progression of Katherine falling out of love with Michael and being gradually drawn toward George. Even as the rest of her life has come crashing down around her, he's a constant presence. And she's finally realized that she shouldn't have pushed him aside. You're taking her through a pretty low place, but it's nice to see something akin to a light at the end of the dark tunnel she's in.

The breakup with Michael was nicely prefaced and pretty well executed. It feels almost as though the Quidditch match was the catalyst for something that had been a long time in coming. In a sense, that's sort of pathetic on his part, but Katherine has also been avoiding the inevitable for some time. It's hard to let go, even when you know that you must.

And now she's been thrown into detention, by a sparkly vampire, no less, ;) Should be an interesting evening between her and Lee. Perhaps he'll help her figure a thing or two out.

I thought your writing was a bit rougher in this chapter than it's been for the past several. I saw quite a few typos scattered about. Here are a few that I noted:

-- "She didn't anymore of his words;" - "She didn't hear any more..."?

-- "On which their futures career would ride on." - I think either the "on" at the beginning or the end needs to go.

-- "She stood up walking out of the Great Hall, so far it had been two days since she had last spoken to Michael." - This would probably read better as two sentences.

-- "Yes dear I make sure you down the correct path of life" - "want to make sure you go down..."?

-- "she stopped for moment as she heard footsteps" - "she stopped for a moment"?

-- "As much as I love you argue with you" - "love to argue with you?

-- "you I bought somethings at Zonko's that I'd love" - not really sure what this was supposed to be.

Overall, the story is still going in a great direct and I'm enjoying myself. I guess the most substantial constructive criticism I can give you is that I find myself wishing that the pace was just a bit faster. You have so many tantalizing plot threads hanging out there at this point. I'd like to see more of them progressing.

Good job on this! Looking forward to the next update.

Author's Response: Hello thanks again for the CC, I admit I didn't look for errors as thoroughly in this chapter and I'm so sorry I take so long to respond to your reviews!

I was going to leave the break-up for later but I admit I don't really like Michael :P Also I need for her to be in a low place for now, the pace'll quicken soon :) I'm happy your enjoying yourself with the story I'll hopefully be able to keep this story enjoyable.

Thank again for your reviews :)


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