Write.More.Now. I've been reading for over three years on this site and this is the best fanfiction i've read in a while! Report Review
This chapter was beyond adorable. I have to admit, I was expecting the cliche of you describing them waking up together all cuddled or something but I like that you left that out, even if they did (I guess you're the only one that will ever know...). Either way, I love how you wrote their hilarious dialogue. They're too silly and oblivious. Thanks so much for putting us out of our misery and letting them kiss. Of course she has to kick him, right? Loved it. Write another chapter! This story is too good! Report Review
:( sad. The flashback was particularly heart wrenching. Good job! Report Review
Oh goodness. Mary likes Sirius? Eh. This is awkward.
Great chapter though! I swear I'm just running through this story. I love it so much. Report Review
Putting Deora on the quidditch team was a great move. More time to flirt with Sirius. ;-) Sounds like their relationship is getting quite complicated. The sexual tension is so funny. Deora's own oblivion to her own feelings is fantastic. Can't wait for that "ah hah!" moment. Report Review
Hi hi! I think I've already read this chapter, but I've missed this story terribly!! I had to re-read it! I really want to know what happens next! They kissed. Woahhh! Who would have ever thought that Deora and Sirius would kiss??? Actually I bet everyone did, eventually. They really are a perfect match. I really love this story! Please update soon!
A million and seven/10
-Graceyn Report Review
Aunt Helena is the best. Well well done. What is the Jeremy bit about? Very intriguing. I absolutely loved every part of this chapter. From the letter from Deora's mum to Sirius bringing Deora back from the owlery. So god. Report Review
favorite line: "Well, well, well," Sirius grinned. "No wonder you don't fall under my charms, Deora love, I'm not the right Marauder, am I?"
I loved it. Couldn't stop laughing. Anyway, another great chapter. They seem to keep getting better and better! I would leave a longer review but I want to read the next chapter. ;-) Report Review
ah! I loved this chapter. You've done an excellent job of setting up a complex character especially with the supposed death of Deora's father? Am I right? I'm interested in seeing how that comes into play. The Sirius broom closet kiss caught me by surprise but it was definitely a pleasant surprise.
favorite line: "I smiled ignoring the seriousness of her expression, “Dandy, Dork.”" I loved the Dandy, Dork line. very funny. Report Review
Your writing is really great! The chapter read very well and Deora is a believable and adorable character. Deora is also an extremely pretty name. :) Report Review
hey I really love this keep writing! Report Review
I sort of love how she kissed him, kicked him, and then ran away. Very playground-esqe. Report Review
The letter Deora's brothers wrote her was extremely amusing, and had me laughing out loud at certain points. Imagining the two of them fight over the quill, was downright hilarious, and portrayed in words very well.
Sirius and Deora's arguement was heated and passionate, and has certainly been building for some time now. I genuinely believe a part of their hatred toward one another is due at least in part to how alike they are in personality.
Deora's feelings of anger toward the end felt slightly forced and very rushed to me. One minute she was arguing with Sirius and storming out of the common room, and the next she was lost in the Forbidden Forest. You definately could've taken things further and delved into and explained exactly what she was feeling and portrayed how lost in thought she really was to end up lost in the forest hours after she set out. Her fear also seemed rather hasty, and almost nonexistent when she did realize that she had spaced out and was in the middle of the forest in the dead of night. Panic would be anyone's first reaction, no matter how tough, especially with the war raging, especially with her overhearing Regulus's conversation about Voldemort.
Overall though it's been an interesting read so far. I'll definately be keeping up with this story. Report Review
Well, since you requested nit-picky, here it is (:
- I'm not entirely sure that teenagers in the 70's wore polos
- I believe it's the Welcome Feast, not the Welcome Back feast
- Deora did acknowledge that she rolls her eyes a lot, but it does still get kind of repetitive
- The introduction of Dorcas, Lily, and Mary was shaky. I genuinely like their personalities, but I felt like introducing them all at once and in so few words does Deora's best friends no justice at all.
Anyways, on to the stuff that I liked!
I really like you characterization of Peter so far! He seems to have a lot of depth and unexplored character, but it also doesn't seem feigned or forced. His friendship with Deora has obviously blossomed, and I simply love that fact. The only downside to his character in this chapter would be his acknowledgement of Deora's father dying. I felt like him not acknowleding the death before seeing her at school isn't very loyal. Being her best friend, even in secret, you'd think he'd have found a way to send her a quick owl or sneak out and give her a hug.
Other than that though, I loved their interactions with one another, especially how apologetic he was toward her when he realized that she was the one in the broom closet with Sirius. Peter genuinely seems like an integral part of the group, which many authors often ignore. You integrated him beautifully as a large part of this story, and as a significant part of his friends lives. Job well done there.
I also sort of enjoy Dorcas' friends. Sort of. I don't love them, yet. Out of all of the flaws I can see Lily having, I cannot see cursing to be one of them. She is supposed to be a role model to her fellow peers after all, and due to her character I personally see her as taking that job very seriously. Mary seems nice, but sort of forgettable at the moment. I'm sure as the story developes, so will she, and my liking of her. I thought Dorcas was brilliant, and I love that she is a bit of a floozy. Generally speaking in Sirius/OCs a girl who's a player ends up with Sirius who is also a player, which is obviously becomming cliche. Excellent work adding such an interesting personality onto secondary character, without playing up the cliches. Report Review
Interesting beginning to a story. Far too often people that write Marauder-Era stories either do Peter a great injustice by making him a completely unlike-able character, or ignore his character completely. While he does turn out to be "a villian" later on in life, he definately wasn't as a child.
The way you wrote Peter makes a reader empathize with his character, despite our knowing how he turns out as an adult. His friendship with Deora is not only sweet, it's also complex. As you said, knowing more about his background, family, and home life do make you see some of his later actions in perspective a bit more than J.K.'s story does, and I think this piece will be a prominent theme in your story.
I noticed a few grammar and spelling mistakes, as well as a switched tense or two, but nothing that really detracts from the work overall. I'll definately be reading the next couple of chapters to see where you take this story. Report Review
Yeah, I'm in love with this story..
and i love how right after she realized what she was happening that she kicked him and ran ^.^
but yes lovely story and i cant wait to see whats to come :D Report Review
this is so far my favourite chapter. I think its really sweet how remus, peter, dorcas and lily stand up to sirius for deora and peter even pushed him!
im sooo looking forward to the next chapter! :D Report Review
hahahahahahahaha only Deora would kiss a bloke and then kick him in the shins. Loved it. Update asapAuthor's Response: Hiii thank you for reviewing and so sorry for the late reply. And yes she would haha it makes sense for her ;) Report Review
If reviews help you update faster I'll have to leave one here! What a steamy kiss!!! Can't wait to find out what happens next! Report Review
Uh oh! This can't be good! Really like what you're doing with the story! Report Review
I'm baaaccckkk! And this was one of the first stories I needed to catch up on. I'm loving the tension between Deora and Sirius, hope that Jeremy guys smartens up after this! :) Report Review
Okay, so I don't want to be one of those annoying readers that tells the author what to do, but. . .
YOU HAVE TO UPDATE THIS SOON.
And that is said with absolutely no selfish intent at all. I'm merely thinking about all the other silly little Sirius fan girls (like myself) that won't be able to live for much longer unless this story IS updated. You see, I'm clearly putting the others before me. ;)
Anyways, on a more serious note. .
I love Dee. I think she is one of the most original characters I've ever read on this site. Her emotion is so raw and real, that I feel that I can completely relate to her. Excitement has built up in me so that I fear I might not be able to take it for much longer. This is brilliant, love. Keep up the amazing work. :) Report Review
First things first: I love Deora's name. Deora Darling Grunnion. That is absolutely the MOST adorable name ever. X3
Okay, moving on. This story sounds very promising! I like how Deora and Peter are "secret friends", and how she's so fiesty. I'm looking forward to more updates for this, do keep 'em coming. :D Report Review
I just finished reading your story and I love it. I really do!
Deora is a little bit violent, but she's such a cool person.
Don't want to write much now. So that's your review!
Keep it up! Good stuff!
Greetings :) Report Review
I love it update soon! Report Review
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