Reading Reviews for Ladybug, Ladybug
43 Reviews Found

Review #26, by MissesWeasley123 The Fire

27th September 2013:
Holy this chapter!

Ah, I love this story. I am now completely on board will forever follow this.

Now, as for theories, I have many. WAY TOO MANY. I'll start of with the title.. Ladybird, Ladybird is a rhyme we had to analyze last year, along with The Farmer in the Dell. Very mysterious. Basically.. in the poem.. Killing a ladybug is unlucky. This is very.. sneaky I feel. There's also a "Ann" in the rhyme.. so this makes me very suspicious. Maybe Erin is "Ann" or someone else is.. hmm..

Very bad guesses lol! Maybe something else will come up in the next couple of chapters.. anyway..

Your story is absolutely AHmazing. I seriously adore the plot. Chapter after chapter.. it's very interesting and never boring, at all. This is so creepy.. it's making me very nervous. I guess 'll have to watch out lol.

You have chilling twists and wow, I applaud your imagination. It's a nightmareish story but.. absolutely thrilling. I am so excited to find out more!!

A wonderful chapter...


Author's Response: *hides* I am so sorry for how long it's taken me to respond to this review! I've retreated a bit from fan fiction for the time being, and answering reviews just got lost in the fray. I realize it's been over a month now and I feel awful. Have a heart, on me! ♥

I'm so glad you're still enjoying this story! I'm going to try and have all unanswered reviews on this story knocked out by tomorrow, so I can update (I've have chapter 4 written for forever!). The title does have something to do with the nursery rhyme you're thinking of, but you'll see how that comes into play... I shall give away nothing!

I love writing mysteries from the bottom of my heart, and they were some of my first book loves, too. The novel I'm preparing to work on for NaNoWriMo is a bit of a mystery, too, and I'm just so excited about it! I'm glad I've had such a positive response to the ones I've chosen to put on my HPFF page. It truly means so much to know I CAN write them, you know?

Reading these reviews has made me realize I DO miss this story. I need to start working on it again. :) Thank you for helping me come to that realization, and for reviewing! I hope you'll return to future chapters, too!

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Review #27, by patronus_charm The Fire

26th September 2013:
Ah, I'm failing with school work/getting less than 6 hours of sleep a night, so if my reviews become progressively shorter and less common, I'm sorry! On a happier note, Susan's banner = ♥ ♥ ♥

The description of the murdered body was really great and definitely gave me the chills! You just managed to describe it in such an obscure way and with such vivid imagery it was really giving me the chills. Luckily, it's only 6.30 pm so it should fade before going to bed!

I really like Erin! She's like a new version of Hermione with Hogwarts, A History quotes and inquisitive mind. That's something refreshing about her, as she isn't Hermione per sey but the similarities between the two do make me happy. Also, she's into conspiracy theories as you might have gathered from BB and BE I'm into them too :P

The mixture of cultures was really great with Kostos. I never really see that happen all that much but I really liked it here.

Ah the ending! I'm guessing some spirit form from what it did to her bed, as it does sound very strange! I'll try and make it back sooner as this story has a really great premise and I'm already really liking it.

Great chapter, Rachel! ♥


Author's Response: I'm sorry, too, for how long it's taken me to respond to this review! I'm in the throes of finishing up a second revision round on my OF novel, and in trying to tweak the query letter, and HPFF is just slipping through my fingers.

But I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! Re-reading this story always puts me in a mood to continue working on it. I find it really fun to work around the violence/death description rules on this site, to try and shock people in the safest way I can. I'm very pleased (in a twisted way) to have given you chills!

Erin is very much growing on me -- she's quite Hermione-like, but I'm also really pleased you can find differences there, too. ♥ That's a bit of a relief, to be honest. Conspiracy theories are her bag for sure. ;)

OOH. Your theory! Ah, I can't say much about it, but it is a really good one. Grinning like a fool over here, don't mind me. Thank you so much for returning and reviewing another chapter! I'm so excited to show you all more of this story, too!

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Review #28, by MissesWeasley123 The Body

24th September 2013:
Whoa, you're good.

Ahhh... I really should be doing my homework, and probably taking a shower too... But I'm super high on caffeine right now (iced coffees are awesome) so let's try to make this ramble a bit more relevant.

I've always wanted to read something by you. Too many times I find myself scrolling up and down your author page and just admiring all the pretty banners and fabulous summaries... And since you just started this one, I figured I might as well so that way there isn't a million chapters up and I can keep up with this story this way :)


I love the new, out-of-the-box characterization you gave James. I really liked it. I feel like in this first chapter, you showed how each and every kid was, and they were all very original.

I liked Albus' shyness and childish (if you can call it that) behaviour. I also really liked Ellie :D I hope Al does get her.. though I haven't rules out Ellie/James ;) I loved the inclusions of Molly and Lucy, and the Wotters hate of "half-fame" was very well justified. You didn't make James out to be a womanizer and I respected that. I enjoyed it also!

Anyways, your story seems interesting, and very cool(your banner is so pretty also!) and a brilliant first chapter!


Author's Response: I'm flattered that you've been wanting to read something of mine for a while! :) That makes me feel really awesome, and it's so cool that you've picked this story up. I should actually be in class right now -- it's a long story -- but I'll try to make this response a little relevant, too.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the story so far! The first chapter, at least. I don't read a lot of next gen, and I write even less of it, but I'm having a lot of fun with this one so far. I didn't intend to make James and Al and everyone "out of the box," but that's probably what comes of having little to no experience in this era, if that makes any sense!

Ugh, James-the-womanizer. Cannot stand it. Trust me, he most definitely is NOT going to be like that here!

Aren't Susan's banners great? ♥ Thank you for reviewing!

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Review #29, by academica The Fire

22nd September 2013:
Hey, I stuck around for chapter two :) I honestly don't know if I'll have time to follow a new novel what with my crazy work schedule, but I'll do what I can because I always enjoy your work and I happen to think you're excellent at mystery stories.

Hey, things have gotten weirder! The poor kids can't even figure one mystery out before another one shows itself. I'm curious as to what Harry--and perhaps some other familiar Auror faces we know--will have to say about the man on the path. I'm sort of reminded of the fearful atmosphere at Hogwarts when Sirius Black was on the loose.

Okay, confession time--when Erin brought up Hogwarts: A History, I kind of groaned and went, "Ugh, mini Hermione!" Glad to see you addressed it and I'm sure you'll do more as the story goes on to really carve out your characters' individual personalities. I'm interested to explore the other creative choices you make in that arena as the chapters continue.

I don't have any theories just yet, just one major question--why 'Ladybug, Ladybug'? But don't tell me--I know all will come out in due time :)

Nice work once again!


Author's Response: So you did stick around! And don't worry about reading regularly, of course -- any time you can get to it is more than okay with me, and even if you never return, these two reviews won't be valued by me any less. :) I'm SO excited you think I write good mysteries! That's seriously so awesome to hear! ♥

This is a bit like the PoA atmosphere -- or even CoS, I suppose, when something was going around Petrifying people and no one knew what. A combination of the two, I'd say. Mysteries are definitely slapping them all in the face! Haha!

Aww, poor Erin. ♥ I hope she's not too much like Hermione, but I love her personality and even though it inevitably will grow, I wouldn't change it for the world. She's a lot of fun to write. :)

I've actually addressed the "Ladybug, Ladybug" title in review responses, though not author's notes -- it's not a HUGE mystery, but I thought I'd be a bit shady about it. ;) And it will crop up in a not-too-distant chapter (that I actually haven't written yet, but have semi-planned in my head)! So if nothing else, you'll see then.

Thank you for reviewing again! ♥

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Review #30, by academica The Body

22nd September 2013:
Rachel, I came to see what all the hubbub is about! I think your author's note was so funny, by the way, because it reminds me of the way I write--"Hey, I haven't done this, let's try something new and see if it works out well!" Haha.

I don't tend to gravitate toward next gen stories, but I don't think I've ever read one where James is actually the main character. Maybe that's why I've always found him to be cliche and aloof and just... not interesting. But I like yours a lot, because he seems like a normal well-rounded kid, though not without the sort of personality you'd expect from Harry Potter's firstborn son. And I like how the Potter-Weasley kids are kind of spread out instead of cramming in all together in a compartment and moaning about how much they hate their parents xD

I also love the detail in this chapter--the way you described the mud really made me sympathize with the poor students who felt desperate for the warmth and dryness of Hogwarts castle. Oh, and that ending--I can't wait to see what'll happen!

Great job as always, Rachel!


Author's Response: I'm glad someone else seems to write that way. :D Literally all of the big stories on my author's page have come about because I've wanted to read something and haven't ever found anything like I've wanted to read. So I've got to write it myself!

I don't gravitate toward next gen, either, so I suppose it's a bit curious I'm writing one. I do love a good dark/mystery next gen, though, so here I am! Also, I tried writing the first 500 or so words from Erin's POV before I decided to try James's -- and it flowed so, so much easier. Now I can't imagine doing anything else. :P He's a bit broody, but I feel like a son of Harry's probably would be, don't you? And not being close with my cousins myself, I think that's where all that comes from.

Your comment on detail was lovely. ♥ Thank you! "It was a dark and stormy night" is probably really apt here, right?

Thank you for reviewing -- I hope to see you back in the future too! ♥

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Review #31, by Gosia The Fire

19th September 2013:
Nice one! I really like the direction this story's going in :)

And definitely it's gaining momentum ;)

I think my memory's going bad because I really can't connect Professor Veratrum with anyone... Should I know her? Because something's telling me I should.

Are you sure Erin isn't related to Professor McGonnagal or Hermione? Or maybe both of them? ;D
Anyway, she's another perfect OC of yours! She really is, I just love her manner < 3

Great chapter, can't wait for more! :)

I must also explain a thing from my previous review - I know Neville's not the headmaster but, as you said, the trio would love to see him as a head of Hogwarts and I don't think it would be safe, especially "now". I agree, he'd be a bit too young and you know... He's still Neville ;)

I've run my eye over other readers' reviews (actually, I always do this) and I must say this "nursery rhyme" thing is pretty interesting. I didn't know the rhyme, probably because of my nationality, and it's quite helpful knowledge, I guess :)
So - the person who mentioned it - thank you :3

And the banner! Beautiful :)

Author's Response: I'm pleased you're enjoying it so far! And it is definitely gaining momentum -- or at least I hope so. ;) Professor Veratrum isn't anyone in canon, but she's a little bit like a young McGonagall in my mind. She's completely my own creation, though!

Erin definitely is related to neither McGonagall or Hermione, but she's a little like them. VERY levelheaded; that's the first trait that comes to mind when I think of her. ♥ I'm already having so much fun writing her, and James, and everyone! I absolutely love it when people love my OCs, and I'm so, so happy you love mine.

I didn't know the rhyme at all until maybe a few months ago? I actually KNEW it a little before then, but had no idea it was a nursery rhyme. But yes, it is the story's inspiration!

Isn't that banner gorgeous? I AM IN LOVE. ♥ Thank you for reviewing!

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Review #32, by lovemesomethinSirius The Fire

18th September 2013:
First of all, I must once again applaud your ability to set a scene- so realistic! I love that Neville is still so soft-spoken that his voice breaks, somehow it makes me love him more. And can I just say that the rain water pooling in the dead guys mouth is super creepy and at the same time, it's one of my favorite bits of this chapter. Yeah, I might be a little weird! But, it added something powerful to this scene.

Ah, Professor Veratrum.. I already rather like her. It's like it's an unspoken rule that the potions professor has to be kind of scary and intimidating!

And Erin, squee! I just love her, especially after acting so like a young Hermione! And poor James, I really feel for him. It's gotta be tough having such a famous father. I'm just loving broody!James!

Ahhh, creepy ending! What in the world. I think I might have a few half formed ideas, but I'm gonna just wait and see what happens with the next chapter before voicing any!

Also.. I LOOOVE the banner, so gorgeous!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like my scene-setting! :) And dear, dear Neville -- I know he really came into his own at the end of the series, especially in the seventh book, but I still have a deep affection for the bumbling and forgetful Gryffindor of early canon. That's more of what he is here, I admit.

And that pooling rainwater thing? Actually one of my favorite bits of this chapter too. ♥ I KNOW IT'S MORBID. But I'm a somewhat morbid person! And speaking of favorites, Professor Veratrum is also a favorite character. I actually see her as just a wee bit like a younger McGonagall.

Erin is a bit like a young Hermione! Which is blatantly addressed just because I thought it was funny. :P I love broody!James too! ♥

Question everything and everyone, is what I'm trying to tell people -- and even then, I'm hoping to pull the rug out from under everyone's feet! What's a good mystery story if you can't do that, after all!

Isn't that banner beautiful? I'm forever indebted to Susan. :D Thank you for your review!

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Review #33, by nott theodore The Fire

18th September 2013:
Your banner is absolutely beautiful - I love it! (I'm insanely jealous of Susan's talents :P)

I know that I said this in the last review, but I really like your characterisation of James in this story. He seems so humble and quiet compared to the normal 'James Potter II' I've seen in other next generation stories and it is such a refreshing change. It's clear that he's a bit of an outsider, and I think it's partly because of other people and partly because he doesn't feel like he deserves the recognition for his father's fame and achievements. I liked the fact that you included the aspect of people trying to use him here, with Caspar asking him for more details about the murdered man.

The beginning was great, and I loved the way you described the surge towards the body and built up the feverish sort of excitement among the students as they raced to see the body. I felt as if I was caught up in it myself. And James didn't really seem to want to be a part of it, not looking at the wound, but at the same time there's some morbid curiosity there.

I'm so curious about who the man could possibly be. I don't have any idea who he is at the moment - especially since he didn't appear on the Marauders Map. I almost feel like there must have been some dark magic involved to conceal his identity, but at the same time, why would his body appear if someone wanted to conceal what had happened. The description of the body was so intriguing! I want to know what caused the wound in his stomach and then how he ended up there - my only guess at the moment is that he was thrown from a broom, perhaps? But I'm not sure if that would be able to penetrate Hogwarts defences...

And that ending changed things so quickly! I didn't think that anything else would happen so soon (which is silly of me, after reading your summary :P) but I have no idea what caused the beds in Erin's dorm to set fire. Perhaps the murder is connected in some way to Erin or her family? Or one of the other girls in the dorm? These guesses are probably so bad and off the mark...

This was a great chapter, and I'm really enjoying this story so far (sorry for the rambled review with the bad guesses, though!). I'll look forward to the next chapter!

Sian :)

Author's Response: SUSAN IS AN ARTISTIC GENIUS. ♥ In writing and in graphics! It's been almost a week, and I'm still blown away by that banner.

Thank you so much for returning to check out chapter 2, Sian! I'm so happy you did. :) And I'm so happy you like James so far, too, because I have to admit that in a little over four chapters, I've already become pretty attached to him. I don't read a lot of next gen, so I don't have a lot to compare him too, but from what I HAVE read, I've never seen the effects of having famous parents burden the children... but it seems natural to me. I'm glad you're of the same opinion.

James is a bit squeamish, dear boy. ♥ To which I can heartily relate! But how can you not sneak a brief peek at a dead body? You'll find out who he is in the next chapter, but trust me, take NOTHING for granted. There's a lot more going on here than meets the eye, and even though I'm mostly planning as I go here, I'm super excited to get to reveal more and more to you all.

Honestly? Your guesses aren't bad at all! It's like I've said above, but question everything and everybody. Because I've got a vague idea of the ending right now. *cackling and rubbing of hands*

Thank you so much for reviewing! And you shouldn't ever apologize about your reviews, no matter what, because this one really was lovely. ♥ I'm excited you're invested enough to be hazarding guesses at all! I hope you'll return for chapter 3!

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Review #34, by lovemesomethinSirius The Body

17th September 2013:
"Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home. Your house is on fire and all your children are gone.."
That was the first thing I thought when I saw the title of this and it gave me chills- and made me super excited to read it, because you do the "that gave me the creeps, but I can't wait to read more" kind of story so well. And then I saw that it was next-gen and I was practically jumping up and down in my seat. I'm so pumped, especially since there really is no canon for them. I'm already so impressed with Bethy that I can't wait to see where you go with all these Wotters!

I know that I already love the relationship between James and Albus. And I love love LOVE this line:
"... and that sparked a very typical Mum-and-Lily argument that had Al, Dad, and me scurrying for the back garden to listen to the Puddlemere United game."

I just love how well you create the dynamics between characters and bring such life to them. And the way you build a scene! Ahh, I really felt like I could've been sitting in that carriage with James, Al and Erin (who, btw, I love already! She's so cute!). And I think you have grown-up Neville spot-on.

I can't wait to read more! :)

Author's Response: That's the inspiration for the title, sure enough! ;) And there's a reason I chose it, for sure, although I can't give it away yet! What fun would that be for the rest of the story, after all? ;) I'm so happy you think my writing can give you the creeps, though. That's the sort of story I LOVE telling, and all my life, I've wanted to write mysteries above anything else. It's just taken me so long to get to a place where I can feel comfortable starting AND finishing them!

James and Albus's relationship is, admittedly, inspired by the TV show "Supernatural" and the Winchester brothers, although I think they're both generally a little more broody and reserved. That line's one of my favorites! :)

I already love Erin too! Not like Beth (yet) but she's so much fun to write -- calm and collected and level-headed, almost a complete antithesis to Beth, who's a picture-perfect anxious wreck half the time. ♥ Bless.

THANK YOU for this review! ♥ The next chapter's going up tomorrow morning before my first class of the day, and I really hope you enjoy it! I can't wait to hear more from you!!

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Review #35, by Haronione The Body

15th September 2013:
Hi TenthWeasley :)

This was a really good opening chapter and I enjoyed reading it immensely :D You have a great writing style and your descriptions are really strong, but not overdone! This made it an easy and thoroughly enjoyable read!

What I loved most about this chapter is the characterisations. It was so refreshing to read your next generation characters. They are usually portrayed as very popular characters, with almost everyone wanted to associate with them in some way or another because of who their parents are. It was great to see a different experience of them having the famous Harry Potter as a father :)

I really liked the interaction and banter between James and Albus, very brotherly like :) I also liked their interaction with Lily, again it was refreshing to have her characterised as the annoying, bossy little sister, it's very different to the Lily's I've read before - in a good way. I did notice in the scene with Lily you say 'I notice she's put a pink streak in it...' But you haven't previously mentioned her hair so I think it would read better if you put 'in her hair' rather than 'in it'. Sorry, such a nitpicky thing but i felt it needed mentioning as it confused me for a moment (which, i have to say, isn't hard ;)) That was the only thing I could see wrong in this though :)

After reading 'Bad Blood' (which I can't apologise enough for for being a bad reader and not reviewing - i'm trying to be better!) I was excited to see another mystery fic from you :) and this opening chapter didn't disappoint! I really look forward to reading on and finding out who the man is, how he died and how James, Albus and Erin play a role in the mystery :)

Overall, great first chapter and I'll be back for the next one when it's posted!

Haronione ♥

Author's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed this! I don't even know what to say to that entire first paragraph. ♥

I AM SERIOUSLY LOVING HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE FOUND THIS REFRESHING, THOUGH. I've sat down to respond to all of these reviews at once, and I didn't realize it was basically a common thread, but that is seriously so wonderful to hear. I didn't sit down and intentionally write them to be ~different~ but as someone who doesn't generally read/write next gen, I just wanted to do my own thing, just because I could. Everything in this story is something I've wanted to write into a book for a long time, but was worried about reader reactions or being too cliche or something. Now... I just don't care. :3

Thank you for pointing out that line about Lily's hair! Someone else did too, and I forgot to fix it... whoops.

I didn't know you'd read "Bad Blood"! ♥ And oh my gosh, you do not even need to apologize for not reviewing. Even just hearing that is more than good enough for me! I love, love, love writing mysteries write now, and I hope you'll enjoy the one I'm setting up here.

Thank you for reviewing!!

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Review #36, by MC_HK The Body

14th September 2013:
Hi there :)

This was a very good first chapter! I'm a sucker for the ones that introduce all (or at least most) the important main characters in the beginning. You did a very good job of doing it too. There's a very good flow you have going on, and I'm happy to day that the imagery and detail you provided are awesome! That bit at the end too was very good. It was a perfect way to end the chapter.

I did find a few issues:

"Thereís a noise at the door into our compartment, and weíre both distracted as Lily appears in the entryway. I notice sheís put a pink streak in it since saying goodbye to Mum and Dad on the platform, but I donít feel like telling her that it looks really bad with her red hair." You don't specify anything being about her hair until the end of the statement, so I think there should be some revisions to these sentences.

"...Al, Dad, and me..." should be "Al, dad, and I"

I think I'd also like to know more about the relationships James has with other people. I know you hinted at it a bit, but I think going into more detail there would be very good.

Overall, and good read! Feel free to re-request!


Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing this for me! Although you haven't quite seen all the story's important characters yet, but I'm giving them to readers in batches, as it were. :) I'm glad you found the flow and imagery well-written, too! All things I was seeking to achieve, and I'm glad to hear (on your end, at least) that I've done so.

Thanks for pointing out that bit about Lily's hair! That's what comes of not re-reading my own chapters closely.

But actually "Al, Dad, and me" is correct. :) "Dad" is always capitalized when it's a proper noun, which is how James uses it. And it is "me" instead of "I" and there's a very easy way to tell when to use what. Take out the first two names; would you say "had me scurrying" or "had I scurrying"? Our culture's become so, so obsessed with replacing "me" with "I" in everything but sometimes it really is right. (Sorry for the rant-y grammar lesson, but that's a huge pet peeve of mine!)

And also, this is the first chapter -- you'll definitely get more of James's interactions with others in the future. They've only just arrived at Hogwarts!

Again, thank you for reviewing this for me. :)

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Review #37, by Gosia The Body

11th September 2013:
I had very little time for the previous review so I only wanted to put down my first impressions. Now I can write some more observations :)

Firstly, first-person narration. What a great idea! Really, I love it. Especially because it's James's point of view. He's the oldest one in Hogwarts so his perception of upcoming events will probably be the fullest. Oh well, I can't wait for more!

Professor Longbottom as a headmaster.
Oh my. It doesn't sound good combined with (in my opinion, so now you also know my theory) murder.

I've read some next generation fanfic but this is the first one to touch upon this issue. Because usually being children of famous people is shown as a bed of roses when in actual fact it's really not. So I'm really glad that you draw attention to their, some kind of, loneliness in the novel.

Of course I could write more but I think I'm gonna wait for a turn of events.

Author's Response: Like I said in my previous response, first person isn't generally my thing, but for some reason I'm way, way more comfortable writing a male first person POV than a female's (I flipped between both in an original novel and always liked writing the boy's better). I had about 500 words of this written from Erin's point of view and then scrapped it all because it felt so wrong. Now I already have 8k from James, so there's that!

Flitwick's actually the headmaster. ;) But the trio, of course, are biased and would love to see Neville as head of Hogwarts! He would admittedly be a bit young, but maybe someday? Someone else is deputy headmistress, though, and you'll meet her next chapter.

I've not read a lot of next gen so I don't have a lot to compare it to, but I'm glad so many people have found my take refreshing. I love broody!James and broody!Albus as a personal preference, but I think semi-fame would genuinely be a bit alienating, too.

Anyway. I'm rambling now, probably. But seriously, I'm so glad you're reading this for me! Thank you!!

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Review #38, by Gosia The Body

11th September 2013:
I was just to check my mail, as I always do in the morning. And because my browser opens recently visited page, I saw your account on HPFF. So I cast my eye over the page. Something was "wrong" with it!

So I'm reading three books now :D

Even though it's only one chapter I already can't wait for the rest! It's gripping, really. It's going te be great, I know it :D

Author's Response: I'm so flattered you've taken the time to check out this story as well! You really are one of my best reviewers. ♥ Next gen is not my forte, as you'll soon discover, and neither is writing in either first person or present tense -- but I hope you'll be pleased with the results anyway!

Thank you for reviewing!!

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Review #39, by Indigo Seas The Body

10th September 2013:
First of all, I cannot tell you how weird it is to see my name crop up now and again in this story. :D I'm sure it's going to become a lot more common, too, and every time I read it a small part of me will say, "Wait, what?"

But BESIDES all that, this was glorious, just as I had expected. I wish I could write dialogue like you, honestly. It's all so natural and flow-y (that's not a word, so sue me) and lovely (that IS a word!). Dialogue - I think - is something that's hard to master, and you definitely have.

GAH I'm so excited to see where this one's going, too! Your pacing is brilliant and I love how you've set up your characters.

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

xx Rin

Author's Response: I am positive your name was picked from my subconscious just to confuse you. :) I feel the same way when I read or watch something with my name in it, too! "Friends" is one of my favorite shows but it's hard to watch it in the background of doing something else, because darn it, they keep saying Rachel.

I'm so glad you liked this! ♥ And I'm so pleased you liked the dialogue in this chapter, too, because I ALWAYS feel like that's something I struggle with. I'd much rather describe a scene with people talking than write what they're talking about. But alas. ♥

I can't wait for you to read more! I've got stuff in store, lemme tell you. And it's just all stuff I want to write and nothing else, and I'm so excited about it, and I'm just on tenterhooks wanting to share that with everyone else.

Thank you for reviewing, you lovely person, you!

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Review #40, by nott theodore The Body

10th September 2013:
Hello! Apart from a couple of one-shots I don't think I've read much of your writing, and I thought that it was about time that I rectified that - what better way to do it than to start with this new novel?

For a next gen story, your characterisation is surprisingly refreshing and interesting. I haven't read many stories with the Weasleys/Potters cast as outsiders in Hogwarts, and none when it's a situation that most of them seem to be in. It's going to be really intriguing to see what it's like for James through the rest of this story.

For a first person narrative, this chapter flowed really well. Personally I always have trouble writing in first person without it sounding repetitive, but this was so smooth that it was great to read. Of course I should probably have expected it - I already knew you were a fantastic writer (you definitely have Kiana to thank for singing your praises :P).

The way that you write the relationships between the siblings and cousins is really realistic and believable so far; even though James doesn't seem to have many friends and is relying on his brother for company, that doesn't stop him arguing with him over things like the Chocolate Frog card. Siblings do argue, and I hate it when the Potters and Weasleys are portrayed as the perfect family when none of them ever argue with each other.

The ending was brilliant, with the dramatic announcement of the body that's been found on the carriage path. I'm really intrigued to know who it is that's been found, and everything about the murder that's still to come!

Oh, and the title's significant? Well at the moment I can only think of the nursery rhyme, so maybe there's some symbolism to do with that? There's a film with the same name, I think, so it could have something to do with that as well... Hmm, theories...

I'll definitely be reading the next update!

Sian :)

Author's Response: I'm so excited you're reading a story of mine! I think the same goes for me -- I've not read much of yours -- and I'll have to fix that very soon. :)

It's like I've been telling everyone else, but I'm so glad you've found this first chapter to be refreshing. I don't read (or write) a lot of next gen, so I don't have a lot to compare it to, but I set out in this story to ONLY write what I wanted. That ended up being broody!James and broody!Al, and an eventual masquerade ball, and a murder mystery, and I am just sooo pumped every time I write it. It's taken me too long. :) I try to make my stories as believable as possible, within reason.

First person and I aren't generally friends, and present tense and I aren't either -- so naturally I've done both here. :P I'm glad it didn't read too weirdly for you!

You're the first (and, so far, only) person who seems to know the ladybug nursery rhyme! That's where the title comes from, and it'll crop up in the story! I can't wait for more reviews from you, to see how you react to everything. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this in the first place!!

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Review #41, by firefly910 The Body

10th September 2013:
Okay so I don't normally read next gen but of course for you I'll make an exception.

Very different style than the Beth trilogy but it works, you seem to be able to write anything.

First of thank you for a refreshing representation on the Potters/Weasleys. I think part of the reason I don't read next-gen is because of how the characters, especially James II, are portrayed. I always pictured them as normal and a little awkward with their family history. I mean look who their parents are, the misfits! So I love your characterisations already. And I'm intrigued by Erin, she has a Luna-esque quality about her.

Neville as headmaster, love it! I can imagine that being a teacher helped him come into his own. My head canon for him always involved his confidence growing and him achieving great things. Plus he would be the most approachable headmaster ever!

Just imagining Flitwick as headmaster, with his little squeaky voice! It's hilarious picturing him doing the start of year speech!

One thing I am excited by is that the story is set in Hogwarts, you write it so well! Plus it always makes me feel so nostalgic.

Safe to say I can't wait to carry on reading!

Author's Response: Trust me, I don't normally WRITE next gen, let alone read it, so I know it's a big deal to make exceptions to your own rules. Thank you for doing so! And it's pleasing me to absolutely no end that people are already finding my take refreshing. It's not that I set out to be ~different~ or anything, but the one thing about this story is that I want it to be for me. Period. I'm not going to worry about what anyone else thinks, because I've got loads of things I want to include for no good reason other than I want to write them. And I'm so excited about it!

Neville's not actually headmaster, of course -- someone commented, and I agree, that he'd be quite young! But the trio are of course biased. :P But I do think he's a great Herbology teacher in my own headcanon! I love the idea of Flitwick as a headmaster; that's something I got from aiedailweasley and her brilliant next gen novels.

I'm so excited to be (so to speak) back at Hogwarts! I really hope you like this story, too. :) Thank you for taking the time to review!! ♥

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Review #42, by MargaretLane The Body

10th September 2013:
I really like this chapter. You've done a really good job at characterising James and Lily just in the short time you've had.

James seems rather different from how he's usually portrayed, which is good. It's nice to see an original take.

*laughs at them thinking Neville should be Headmaster* I think he's a little young yet. Even in our world, early 40s would be young for a Headmaster (if this is five years after the epilogue, he's probably about 41 or 42), let alone in a world where people appear to continue working until they are over 100.

One thing, I'd be inclined to put a comma in "what are you, five years old?" though honestly, I'm not quite sure what the correct punctuation would be, but I do think there should be SOMETHING to mark a pause after the word "you".

Author's Response: I normally don't like to respond to reviews out of order -- but I'm doing yours now to clear up intonation differences! :D For the line "What, are you five years old?" there's actually a pause/breath after the word "what" and not the word "you." It slightly changes the way you say the sentence, but you pause in speaking after the "what." I was so confused until I asked a friend of mine about this, but I think it just boiled down to it being pronounced differently in your head from the way it sounded in mine!

But anyway -- I'm so glad you liked this chapter! I'm normally not one for next gen, and when I set out to write this it was with the intention that I wanted to make my characters different from many next gen stories I've seen. A large reason I never read next gen is because I find many people's portrayals of the next generation to be somewhat like caricatures, not real people. I wanted to write characters who could actually exist, especially since we're nearing the years these stories are supposed to be set in!

I do think James's parents wanted Neville to be headmaster out of loyalty, not practicality. :P Honestly, in my mind, I don't think he'd want the job in the first place!

Thank you for reviewing! ♥ It really does mean so much, especially on a new story like this. I hope you'll continue on, too!

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Review #43, by patronus_charm The Body

10th September 2013:
I will get to BE but ah you have a new novel! Itís so exciting, and itís a next gen mystery dark thing! What could be more perfect?

I love the differences in this story compared to normal next gen stories. The fact that this is narrated by James II which is a massive first, and then the fact that the Potter/Weasley clan arenít popular simply well-known. I mean, Iíve never, ever seen that done before and Iíve read my fair amount of next gen stories. Another thing which I thought was really great was the fact that James had no friends. That probably makes me sound like some evil person or whatever, but I like the idea of a loner narrating as itís not really done and it will add a new perspective.

Ooh first person! How exciting! Iím so used to reading your work in third this is a really nice change, and I canít wait to get to know Jamesí inner thoughts and the working of his mind. Also present tense! Yay for that, I really like it because it gives a story a different feel from the usual past so Iím pretty hyped right now :P

Albus and Erin are intriguing me too. Iím wondering whether this is another version of Jily just in next gen times, and I canít wait to see how this develops. Again, they just seem to have a freshness about them and I canít wait to get to know them too.

Jamesí almost sarcastic thoughts are really great and keep me laughing. I think the thing which really made me warm to him was his reluctance to listen to Albus being all in love with Erin, as it just made him relatable. Ah, Iím so sorry for coming off as a massive fan girl (it tends to happen a lot when I read your stuff so you should be used to it :P) but gah I already feel as if I know James and almost understand him. Thatís saying something as that rarely happens and especially not with a male character.

Iím sensing some sort of thing between James and Erin. Iím not entirely sure what but Iíll be keeping my eye on those two. Ooh I loved how the murder was introduced! At first I thought the girl was possessed by some sort of strange spirit with the way she was acting, but the revelation was even better. Iím taking note of anything out of the ordinary after missing that overtly obvious clue in Bad Blood. I hope I have better luck this time!

An awesome first chapter, Rachel! ♥


Author's Response: I AM SO BEHIND ON REVIEW RESPONSES, I SWEAR. It's like every time I work on answering them I get flooded with more, and I can't ever win! ♥ HPFFers are the best sort of people.

I'm so glad you liked the difference between this and other next gens! I'm not going to sit down and say that I'm TRYING to make it different from everything that's come before it, et cetera, but I'm writing just what I like. What I've always wanted to read in a next gen and have never been able to find. And I really like the idea of a broody James and a broody Al, somewhat (but not entirely) friendless. :) But I never thought writing about them would be this much fun! I'm already so attached to James it's ridiculous, though nothing like I'm attached to my BE characters...

The OF novel I'm revising right now is also in first person, but I realized I'd never written a fan fiction novel in first person, so this is a fun exercise for me! And present, too, although the novel I just finished was in past (and frankly, I'm more comfortable in past tense). But I'm having SO much fun with this so far. ♥

I'll say nothing about James and Erin. Nothing! Because you'll just have to read on. *cackle* Or anything about the murder, either, because where's the fun in that? I will say that "Bad Blood" is no indication of this story... not at all.

♥ Thank you for being this story's first review!

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