Reading Reviews for In The Black
  
624 Reviews Found

Review #51, by Courtney Dark Gossip and Guilt

18th May 2013:
I honestly wish I had something more intelligent or constructive to say in these reviews! I just have a feeling that as I keep reading your three novels (because I am certainly going to be doing that) all I'll be able to say each time is "that chapter was great!" or "I really enjoyed that chapter!" I guess that's a good thing though - your writing seems pretty flawless.

I love that the marauders have their own compartment! And also how you're adding in little details about each character that help us to get to know them a little better - like the fact that Peter is a bit of a worrywart (by the way, I forgot to mention this in my last review but I am so glad you actually included Peter! I've noticed that some authors just tend to make him...fade into the background) and that Beth seems to be a little timid and insecure about some things.

I also found that all of your characters were very realistic and normal in this chapter, like that conversation on the train. They just seemed to be an ordinary group of teenage boys (and girl) which I really like!

The entrance of Snape - I don't think you could have written it any better! I've always seen Sirius as being the one marauder who is the most horrible to him, and that definitely showed! I also think Beth's reactions worked really well - while she felt bad for Snape and wished her friends wouldn't treat him like that, she didn't really do anything about it. I think that definitely shows something about her character - perhaps that she relies quite a bit on what other people, especially her friends think of her. However I am definitely looking forward to seeing how the relationship between she and Snape works out - and actually begins!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Your reviews are lovely enough as is, I promise! :3 "Flawless" is such an awesome thing to hear about my writing, too, and I really just have to thank you for applying it here. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Characterization is a huge part of this novel, which means that, I think, some chapters are perhaps slower than readers (or I) always like -- but developing characters, especially Beth, was very important to me. I've noticed that about Peter as well, but he WAS one of the Marauders, and there had to have been some redeeming qualities in him for that, don't you agree? Beth is definitely a bit timid and insecure, and a little socially anxious, actually -- those are all things she admittedly gets from me. Realism in characterization is the biggest thing I was going for, and I'm so glad you found them to be real!

At this point in the book, Beth is definitely more worried about preserving a friendship with the boys than she is about any sort of relationship, platonic or no, that currently doesn't even exist with Severus. But there will be interactions from them in the future -- that I can DEFINITELY promise you!

Thank you once again. ♥ I feel that I can't say much more than that, even though it sounds lame to continually repeat it, but I really do appreciate your comments and thoughts so much!


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Review #52, by Courtney Dark Same Old Secret

18th May 2013:
Hey there!

Okay, so I have been meaning to read this for so long now, and somehow haven't gotten around to it. But I am super glad I have now because this first chapter was awesome and definitely made me want to read more!

I've actually never read anything that features Snape as a teenager - at least not where he's a main character, anyway, which is weird because he's always been one of my favourite characters. In saying that, I've never really liked the idea of a relationship between he and Lily so I'm loving this idea of Beth, the fifth marauder, having a bit of a crush.

I've heard that the fifth marauder thing has been done quite a lot, but I've personally never read one, so I am definitely excited to see what happens next! I think the personalities of all five of your marauders seemed spot on - we didn't get to see an awful lot of them this chapter, but I can't wait to see how their personalities will be expanded.

This was a great first chapter!
Courtney:)

Author's Response: I know that I posted a quick note about your reviews on your profile page on the forums, but I want to reiterate just how excited it makes me that you've started this story! It naturally holds a fond place in my heart, and I'm so pleased to hear it's something you've been wanting to try for some time. :) I hope that you enjoy reading it just as much as I did writing it!

Writing Snape in a large capacity was one of the reasons I started writing this trilogy in the first place, as he's one of my all-time favorite characters in the series. ♥ I do like the Snape/Lily relationship, if only because it's tragic and I love tragic things, but I'm understandably attached to Snape/Beth too! Paradox, eh?

I've never really read any fifth Maurader-type stories, so writing this one without anything to internally compare it to was a lot of fun. I'm glad you like my Marauders, too! Got to love those boys. :D

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #53, by True Author The Path

21st April 2013:
I was hoping until the last sentence that he'd change his mind and choose Beth. I know that it's impossible if you're staying canon, but I just feel like it. Well, thinking practically, this was a sort of perfect ending.
I really loved the story- all 34 chapters.

Author's Response: Oh, now... he couldn't do that, could he? There are two more books to go! :) As far as staying canon, just remember that Beth's got a lot of impact on the Marauders canon. Things that were once true may not be true now that she's present. And that's all I'll say on that front! ♥

I'm so glad you loved this story, and I loved watching you reading it. Your comments and responses never, ever failed to make my day. :3 Thank you so much, and I really hope you make it to ITR and enjoy that book just as much!


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Review #54, by True Author Lost

21st April 2013:
HOW? Just how? I don't get it. Why his patronous is still a does? Rachel, and why DID you let Beth know?
=[ Aww. I feel so bad for her.

Haha, you see? I've read so many chapters in a go without taking time to review them! Anyway now excuse me coz I'm determined to finish this today. =]

Ashwini

Author's Response: Don't lose hope! I promise all will be revealed in ITR -- the issue of the patronus returns. ;) Beth knows about it for a singular reason, as well, which of course you know by now.

Honestly, don't feel obligated to review every chapter. I always say that, but I want people to know I truly mean it! ♥ Thank you so much for reviewing and letting me know how much you're enjoying the story!


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Review #55, by True Author The Order Assignments

21st April 2013:
Just to be a little faster, I've decided to review on two chapters at one time. I mean, right now I'm leaving a review for chapter 24 and 25. Sorry for doing this Rachel, but I have 10 chapters of ITB and then the whole ITR... and I'm a slow reader. My eyes hurt if I read too much on Computer. =[

OMG. Why did Beth say sorry?? It wasn't her fault!! Aah...love! *sighs* Anyways, I'm glad they've forgiven each other. :D

As for this chapter... this is kind of bittersweet. =] Sirius is trying to be happy for James and Lily, but it looks like he's not doing it. He's jealous... or something I guess. =[ Poor Sirius, he's never been perfectly happy. But I love James/Lily. They're made for each other!

Author's Response: Absolutely no apologies are necessary, Ashwini, seriously. You were never obligated to review this story in the first place, and I have no problem with reviews every few chapters! I sympathize with the aching eyes, too. ♥

I feel like Beth apologized because I would apologize in her shoes. :P I'll apologize for EVERYTHING. But you're very right in that this is a rather bittersweet chapter, and you know, there's a lot of bittersweet coming up. There's quite a lot of darkness in ITR especially! Sirius has a lot more emotional conflict coming his way...

Thank you so much for reviewing! It always makes me so happy to know you've returned, no matter how often you do it. You're awesome!


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Review #56, by True Author The Row

7th April 2013:
Severus and Beth had a row. Wow, that was something I never expected from the story. This was quite surprising for me, actually. Anyway, I believe that lovers do fight sometimes and that is good for them, =]
Aah Rachel, I wish you could make Severus turn good for Beth! =[ I like him so much in this story and I can't believe he's going to be a Death Eater, assuming that you're going to keep this strictly canon.
Otherwise I can't wait to see how they'll make up with each other!

Ashwini

Author's Response: So many people write romances and forget to include the realities of love into their romances -- like fights, for example. And that's one of the prime reasons I wanted to include one, although it did go well with the plot. From the very, very beginning, I wanted to write a love story REALISTICALLY. It meant moving perhaps slower than many people wanted, but so be it. Love isn't always quick!

You'll see what becomes of Severus. ;) I wish I could have made him good too, of course, but at the same time, it feeds back into what I said above about realistic writing. The world is not black and white, and he is perhaps one of the grayest of all the world's characters.

I'm excited for you to read on! I love when people review like you're doing; it's like getting to re-read the story for myself through different eyes, which is so cool. ♥ Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #57, by True Author Sirius Versus Slytherin

7th April 2013:
I can understand how Sirius is feeling... being from a pure blooded family himself. =[ But I liked that he told some of his thoughts to Beth. They're such nice friends!
The fight was amazing. Avery just had to be punished for saying that to Remus. I was afraid that he knew what Remus's condition was for a moment! :P
Anyway loved this!

Ashwini

Author's Response: Sirius and Beth definitely know what it's like to sort of be on the fringes of pureblood families. I was quite proud of him for sharing that with her, too! Sirius is more a best mate to her where James is a brother. I just have such affection for those boys. ♥

Isn't that weird from a reader's perspective -- that we know Remus is a /werewolf/ and he nearly gets in a fight for his blood status? Fanatics are strange people indeed.

I'm so happy you're still enjoying the story! It was lovely to see your name back on my unanswered review list. :) Thank you so much, Ashwini!


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Review #58, by Anton Panic

1st April 2013:
Awesome story! Totally love it!

Just a question; refering to wands as Bananas and boys as Frogs aint on purpose, it it? You have been hacked or something, havent you? Just a thought.

Author's Response: I've not been hacked -- the word changes are a part of the site's yearly April Fool's joke, as is the "shipless" movement. The site owner's gone through and changed a lot of words to be silly things, but it wasn't my choice. Trust me, everything will return back to normal soon.

I'm glad that you're enjoying the story, though! It makes much more sense when the site's not in the middle of a prank, too. :D Thank you so much for reviewing, and I hope to hear more from you soon! ♥


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Review #59, by shelly Same Old Secret

1st April 2013:
Love it! But you said james bought out his cards...then went to the house go get cards

Author's Response: Ooh, nice catch! You're the first to ever catch that. I'll fix that right now!

Thank you for taking the time to review! ♥ It really does mean a lot to me!


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Review #60, by hannahlouise1994 Just Words

1st April 2013:
haha, just thought you should know theres some word issues in this chapter-big toe instead of mouth; "embarreyebrowment", "The underwear insistently repeated the call" and "his dark puppies" where i'm guessing it was supposed to say "his dark eyes" XD. made me giggle a lot, just thought i should let you know :) brilliant story BTW-its my second read through xx

Author's Response: I definitely know about those words. :D It's part of the April Fool's prank on the site this year, as is the "shipless" movement. The owner replaced a lot of words, like eyes and mouth, to be different things. Everything will be back to normal before long!

Oh, how neat that you've returned for a second time! ♥ You're the first person who's mentioned reading it twice, and that just completely made my day. Thank you so much for taking the time to review and tell me! I hope you enjoyed it just as much this time around!


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Review #61, by Debra20 The Confrontation

26th March 2013:
Rachel! Guess whose story was on my to-do list for today? :D Yes, you have guessed correctly...yours! :P

Okai so it took me a little while to remember where I left off, but I quickly remembered. What I didn't expect to come back to me so fast was the feelings this story gave me: excitement, swooning (if that's even an emotion), warmth. To me this is enough proof that this is a very good story. No matter how much time passes between reads I think the fact that people regain the same feeling when reading it again, is a very good indication that you're right on track with it ;)

There's something I picked up in this chapter and I was very happy about. I don't know yet if it's so, but there seems to be a special connection (friendly type) between James and Beth. He is so mature now and there's something about the way he looks at her, as if he can see right into her soul or read her thoughts with just a look. I don't know if I've mentioned this in a previous review, but I LOVE how it feels. I can easily imagine Beth going to James for advices because he's like a brother to her. Not that the others aren't of course, but James seems like that person who you can tell everything because you won't be judged. A caring, thoughtful person.

At this point it's growing very hard to believe that Snape doesn't know anything. There are too many hints that point to his discovery of the truth, or at the very least a heavy suspicion towards it. I don't know from WHERE he could possible know, but one thing's for sure: he's not stupid. He can easily deduct from their behaviour what's wrong. And that cliffhanger is UGH! Such a cliffhanger haha. Now I want to know if he's just bluffing or if he does know something!

Again, I don't know if I've asked this before but I am confused about something. They're in their last year here right (because of the N.E.W.T's and all)? And by the looks of things Snape doesn't know about Remus yet but when he DOES find out, there's that whole missing scene from the book where Sirius tries to play a prank on him and convinces him to follow Remus under the Whomping Willow but James saves him. Didn't that happen in their third year though? Did you tweak it to fit your story or...?

In any case, I am so eager to read on but I still have 3 activities on my list today and I am determined to complete it! I will come back soon enough though :D

Author's Response: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this! I'm no less thrilled to have a review from you for all that, rest assured -- and I'm very proud of you for sticking to your to-do list! :P

I'm pleased as punch to know that it didn't take you long to pick up where you left off, too. It's very important that my story have that, but obviously that's something I can't evaluate personally! And there is most definitely a type of sister/brother connection with Beth and James. It crops up in later books, too, but I see him as the most brother-like figure to her out of all the boys. Sirius is fun and goofy and she gets to have a lot of fun times with him, especially in book 2, but James fit that role best, I think.

I can't tell you what Severus knows, of course. You'll have to find out for yourself! ♥ And yes -- I did move the Whomping Willow incident up to fill this story. The nice thing about writing an OC is that I feel more justified in taking creative liberties like that, and it worked too well with the plot to not do it. You know? This is their last year of school, though.

Thank you for taking the time to do this for me! ♥ I'm so glad we've become friends of late. Bonding over ASoIaF for the win!


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Review #62, by True Author Opinions and Omens

15th March 2013:
Yes. I'm sure "it" is coming soon. and I can't wait for it.
I'm glad the injury on Beth's arm isn't serious one. =]

Author's Response: That first line reminded me a bit of the end of -- what was it OotP? "What will come, will come. And we'll have to face it when it does." A line that's quite accurate for the events in this book, and the next two, if I do say so myself!

Beth's a tough cookie -- no scratch on her arm is putting her out of the game. :P

Thank you for reviewing, Ashwini! ♥


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Review #63, by True Author The Unexpected Visitor

7th March 2013:
This is going to be my own favorite chapter from this story, if you don't have another breathtaking chapter. I was afraid Remus was going to bite Beth and if he would've bitten her, I would've stopped reading this story! ;) I'm serious.
Anyway, I LOVE the interactions between Beth and Severus and this was the best! I like Severus alot in this story.
so Rachel, thanks for making me like Severus Snape for the first time since I finished reading HP series.
I mean it. =]

Ashwini

Author's Response: I LOVE this chapter still, even so long after posting it, and even longer since writing it -- it's one of my favorites in the entire plot line. :) This was one of the first times when I was writing action and I just felt like I got across what I saw in my head while writing, you know? And then there was a rather lovely Sneth moment which I also felt came across rather well, and all in all, it worked out so nicely!

No werewolf bites for Beth, thank goodness. (I can't even imagine that now -- I totally could have made her a werewolf, and that would have changed so much of the story! :P)

I'm so pleased to hear you like the Sneth in this chapter, too. I'm rather partial to it -- but then I've got a significant bias where they're concerned, haven't I? I'm so, so thrilled to have made you like Severus for the first time since HP! That is HUGE to me, and it really means an extraordinary amount to me that my writing him was able to bring you around.

Thank you again for another incredibly lovely review, Ashwini! I'm pleased beyond words that you're still reading and enjoying ITB!! ♥


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Review #64, by True Author Nifflers on the Loose

7th March 2013:
Oh my gosh, that was hilarious! I must say Remus is (I mean Rachel, you are) a BRILLIANT prank plotter. ;) This was a nice idea, actually. I was hoping to see at least one funny chapter before we enter the darkness. I mean, the other books sound more serious and all than this. The order and the war coming up.
Anyway, this was a nice chapter though nothing much happened in this one.

Ashwini

Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed this prank! :D At this point in planning the story I realized that, although the Marauders were rather infamous pranksters, they hadn't really pulled any in the story. The idea for the nifflers came from a rather brilliant senior prank someone told me about, and I just tweaked it to make it a bit more magical. :)

The other books, though -- yes, definitely more serious than this one. Sometimes I miss it, too, but the story's turn in tone was rather needed!

Thank you for reviewing! It really was lovely to see you back here again. ♥ Hoping to hear more from you soon!


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Review #65, by patronus_charm The Path

22nd February 2013:
My final review *sob*!

Poor old James having to plan the perfect proposal! I agree with Beth though, her idea does seem to be the best, and itís just so simple, and it will be romantic, Iím sure of it! I just love Jilly, thereís something about them, which draws you into their love story, and so if thereís any Jilly fluff, I come running!

I was glad to find that Snape wasnít too angry about James proposing to Lily, but I guess he has Beth now, so he doesnít need to get hurt by it. In fact his reaction to it was rather funny, as he just seemed rather nonplussed by it, and it was so unexpected. Then Snapeís thoughts which followed reinforced my views. It was just so nice to see Snape realise that he no longer loved, and I canít wait to see what his talk with Beth will be it, I have my assumptions so I want to see whether theyíre correct or not :D

I loved Jamesís attempts at trying to calm himself, by asking Lily about her friends. Of course that got her side-tracked and sort of ruined the romantic moment, and you couldnít help but feel a little for him! Then the proposal, it brought tears to my eyes as well as Lilyís, it was so heartfelt, and wonderfully done. You could just sense how much they loved each other, that was one of the best Jilly proposals Iíve read, and thatís saying something, as Iíve read tons!

So Snapeís patronus was a doe? Itís safe to say I was a little disappointed by this, as I was expecting it to be a falcon, as he no longer loves Lily. Well patronuses can change, as Tonksís changed to become a werewolf, so perhaps thereís hope out there that Snapeís will change to match Beth animagi form. At least Snape had the same feelings as me.

The house elves reaction to James being engaged was adorable. I really do love house elves, they just have so much enthusiasm for everything, so any appearances of them, make me happy!

The ending of that chapter was horrible, it made me almost cry. Poor Beth! If only she knew that Snape no longer loved Lily, and wished that his patronus matched hers instead! You can sense that she thought that their relationship was finally moving somewhere, and then for that to happen, and it got all ruined!

James and Beth have such a good friendship, they could almost be siblings due to how close they are. It was nice to see that he was the one that comforted her, as I guess he can understand, as he had to watch the one he loved, be friends with someone else, and appear unreachable, and thatís what Beth is going through now, even if it isnít true.

The scene when Snape confronted Beth was awesome! You really felt for Snape, as you could sense his confusion, as of course he couldnít understand what was going on, as he didnít know that she had seen his patronus. But Beth completely giving up on him, I did not expect that. Given the situation she was in, and how unlikely it would be that they have a successful relationship, it seemed like the most obvious thing to do. Iím still hoping that they manage to work it out though! Poor Snape, he did seem to be giving up on everything, and he lost the two things which he really cared about:(

It was nice to have some light-hearted talk over what Lily should wear to her wedding, after all that heart-break, if there was any more I donít think I could handle it!

Then the ending was just awesome really, well the whole story was awesome, but this just topped it all! It was so powerful, and Snape seemed to think that he had really lost any hope of him being together, as I think if he did have some hope, he may have not chosen that path.

Iím so glad that I read this story, as it was just brilliant, and it just showed what a talent you have for writing! I canít wait to read the next one, so expect to see me back soon :D

-Kiana!

Author's Response: True story: James's proposal was supposed to be ENTIRELY different from how it turned out in the chapter. I had a whole other scenario planned out in my mind, with him walking down to the lake and proposing near the tree that crops up so often in this book, and then he started heading toward the Quidditch pitch basically of his own volition. It was terrifying. :D That being said, it's so lovely to hear you enjoyed it anyway! I know I just mentioned this a few responses back, but I really do value your opinions of this ship highly, seeing as how you love them so much. And the house elves! ♥ Everyone needs more excuses to write house elves into their stories. Fact.

Aaand this is where everything goes downhill, as far as Snape and Beth are concerned. I'm rather cruel, I sometimes think, building it all up and making it seem like it might be possible, to yank it away almost at the last moment. But if not for that, where would the conflict be? Things to ponder.

And I stand by what I've said time and again: If people in my stories actually talked about the issues bugging them, the books would be half as long. But again, no conflict does not make for a very interesting story. ;)

I LOVE the ITB ending, if I do say so myself. ♥ With both this and ITR, I tried to end in ways that lead mostly naturally into sequels, in a hope that people would check back and see what the characters were up to in the next one. And yet, I had to inform my dad that ITB wasn't the end, that there /were/ sequels -- oh, well. Dads are peculiar creatures. :3

I'm so glad you read this story, too! I honestly cannot say it enough. ♥ I'm just thrilled to pieces that you enjoyed it so much, and that you even wanted to continue on to ITR and eventually BE. That means so, so, so much to me!!

Thank you for all your lovely reviews, Kiana! ♥


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Review #66, by patronus_charm Remus's Request

22nd February 2013:
Iím down to the last few chapters, yay!

Ooh quidditch! Thereís always so much excitement and drama at the matches, and especially as this is against the Slytherins I knew I was in for some interesting stuff! Sirius really did get into the quidditch match didnít he? I guess with the Slytherin rivalry has heightened, and the fact that boys tend to be avid sport lovers, I can see why.

You scared for a minute with James then! But at least I knew he couldnít die, as Harry hadnít been born yet. Sirius and James really do have a such a cute bromance going on! The fact that he was running down to James before Lily was, really showed how much he cared for him. Good old McGonagall let them in of course! What is with the Potterís and the quidditch injuries though, it seems as if itís a genetic thing.

So Beth finally got a reply from her parents? I really do feel for her, as it must be horrible having them as your parents. I just wish I could see them in the person, as theyíre just so evil in her head, I wonder if they are like that in real life or not.

I loved Snape in this chapter, you can see him beginning to change for the better, and it was all thanks to Beth. The fact that he felt a little guilty that James got injured is enough to show, as James has always been vile towards him, and now that he can show some compassion towards his bully is a big step for him. Then he starts defending him in front of Rosier, even though he says he isnít defending him, he is really!

It was so scary seeing the new generation of death eaters being formed! They just seem so innocent and young, and I canít comprehend how they can be entrapped by this darkness. It was very well done though, and you can see the transition of innocence, into those witnessing heinous crimes beginning.

I wonder what Snapeís patronus is going to be. I know that itís meant to be a doe, because of his love for Lily, but now Beth has usurped Lilyís position in Snapeís heart, I wonder whether his patronus will change into a falcon?

I can see why you needed Remus to break free from the others. He is after all meant to be the Ďtraitorí of the group, and the fact that he is beginning to distance himself from the others, begins to show where that belief developed from. I liked the idea of them being reunited like the old days, so they have one more time, when their friendship is strong. I liked Peterís little joke, I know it was a minor thing, but it showed that he wasnít the pathetic person, many people think he is.

Iím beginning to feel a little nostalgic like James, as itís coming to the end of the story. I know that they are 2 more books, but theyíre based on when theyíre in the real world, and exposed to the dangers of it. So Iím going to have to prepare myself for the inevitable deaths which will follow from it :(

An awesome 3 chapters though!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: So close to the end now!

Ugh, Quidditch. I don't think I'm speaking falsely when I say that it is my LEAST favorite thing to write in HP fan fic -- there are (to me) only so many ways to make it interesting. Namely, getting everyone all beat up, and making the focus not entirely on the players. :) Sirius and James have the ultimate bromance! My favorite, I think, or definitely one of my favorites.

Oh, Snape. ♥ I love the Snape at the end of this book, because I sort of envision him teetering on the edge -- nearly alongside the Death Eaters, but not quite, because there's something holding him back. And the strange thing, I think, is that he WANTS to be held back, but the force on the sheer side of the cliff is stronger, especially after seeing his patronus hasn't changed forms. (Help, that metaphor ran away with me.)

Ah, you've picked up on something so important, with Remus being thought to be the "traitor"! The relationships between the five Marauders are going to shift and change in the upcoming books, and are definitely going to keep doing so throughout BE; I just wrote a chapter that largely focuses on that, and it's a fairly large part of a later chapter, towards the end. I'm glad you've picked that out so early! ;)

I still feel nostalgic for ITB sometimes, to tell the truth. There is a warmth about writing stories set in Hogwarts proper that is lacking outside it, even in stories still set in the Potterverse. Sarah aptly calls it the "Hogwarts bubble." :3

Steel your nerves! ♥


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Review #67, by patronus_charm One Morning

22nd February 2013:
Iím into the final ten chapters! I guess the good thing about starting to read this story now, is that Iíve got a whole other book to read, and the start of a new one after that :D

So there finally getting to know more about the order! I think Iím with Sirius here, over my impatience to find out what the missions are going to be, and see what the Order is like! Itís such an awesome aspect of the HP world, and I really love seeing how each author depicts it differently so I canít wait to see what itís going to be like! Then Sirius and Beth get to have, in my opinion, the most awesome aurors! I canít wait to see Frank and Alice, as I love Neville, so learning more about his parents, is always fun!

I also really liked that small scene with McGonagall and Dumbledore, theyíre just so awesome together, I would love to see those to fighting death eaters, they wouldnít stand a chance! McGonagallís characterisation was spot on, she of course would be the one lacking in confidence, whereas Dumbledore would be sure that they could fulfil the mission.

The proposal, what a shock! It seemed fitting though, and given the small time frame he has to propose in, I should have known it would soon appear. Jamesís parents must have been pretty cool if they let their 18 year old son get married, Iím not sure my parents would be so keen on a teen wedding. I loved the idea of the ring being his grandmothers; it just seemed so much more romantic!

It was great to see how Snapeís future plans juxtaposed against Bethís. Both of them eager to join in with the war, yet on opposing sides of it. I can see now why you gave Beth that mission. Iím guessing that her and Snape are going to come under conflict, if that happens it will be such a great scene, and I wonder whether theyíll sacrifice their sort of love for one another, or the war effort.

Then that scene between Lily and James! It was just so adorable, and I needed some fluff, as there was no Sneth in this chapter! It was so nice to see that Lily accepted what Remus was straight away, and seemed ok with. Then when they admitted that they loved each other, I was just awing internally. It was nice to see some Jilly though, as theyíre only read had small features, and thatís from Bethís perspective, so I really enjoyed reading this.

Woo Sneth was in this chapter! Those two are just perfect for each other. Theyíre different from the rest of the school, so I guess thatís why they get on so well, despite many differences between them. Why canít they just admit their feelings for one another? This point in someoneís relationship, is great but annoying to read, as you know they both like one another, they just wonít admit it!

Iím off to read and review the final chapters of this story now!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: I know I've said it before, but I seriously cannot believe how FAST you read these books! You can't know how much that truly means to me! ♥

More about the Order indeed! It is a HUGE part of the second book, and even the third -- and you know, I really don't know why I'm talking to you as though you're still reading these books. Bear with me? :3 I was really excited about getting to include Frank and Alice in this, too; there are so, so many characters for us fic writers to expand on, and yet we so often stick to a small handful. Neville's parents are two such I feel could do with more love! I'm glad you liked that small Dumbledore/McGonagall scene, too -- that was one of those things I didn't plan to include in this chapter until I was writing it, but I'm very glad I did!

James and Lily were so young when they married, I always wondered in the back of my mind how exactly that came about, when Lily seemed to think he was the scum of the earth in their fifth year. :D That was probably one of the hardest parts about writing ITB, actually -- getting the two of them to a believable point! Sometimes I am very meh about Lily, but I did think she would be accepting of James and Remus and the Animagi and all that. I'm glad you, with such an affinity for the pairing, seem to agree. :)

I am seriously grinning so much right now, days after you have left this review, just for your support of Sneth. ♥ I love them, but obviously I'm a little biased, and seeing how many people seem to have to been converted to my way of thinking is so exciting! (They totally do like one another at this point in the story; I am very much not above admitting it.)

Gah. Every review response I leave for you leaves me drained of emotion. That is how sincerely I appreciate your doing this!! :D Thank you so much!


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Review #68, by patronus_charm Forgiving

22nd February 2013:
Hello again! Iím kind of combining reviews for all the chapters Iíve read so far into one, so that way I can carry on reading, as I love this story, so I donít want to stop reading it!

I loved that scene with Snape and Beth, when it was the full moon. It was just so aw worthy, and the fact that he hasnít snitched on them yet just shows that heís got feelings for Beth. I also loved how you showed that Snape noticed Bethís little slip up, about not being able to transform due to feelings of attachment, and you could sense that he liked the fact that she liked him. I was a little unsure about reading a Snape/OC, as Snapeís meant to have undying love for Lily, but the way youíve portrayed it so far, makes it believable, and itís nice to see that Snape is able to move on from her.

I didnít expect Sirius to have a fight with Avery, but I guess that fits his character well, as he always seem so hot-headed. You can tell how great friends all five of them are, by the way they looked after Sirius after his fight, and helping Moony out on full moons. Itís so nice to see the Marauders friendship as the main basis of the story, as itís usually romance, and we donít really get to see what close bonds they have, so this was a nice change.

I liked the confrontation between Beth and Snape, it showed her, that her idealised image of Snape, may not be all that accurate. I felt kind of bad for Lily, when Beth just shunned her warning, though this may bring her to her senses. Despite Snape being a pureblood supremacist, even though heís a half-blood, I still want him and Beth to be together, as she just has something about her, which seems as if she can change Snape for the better. Youíve also left their potential relationship dangling in front of me for too long now, and I have to see it happen!

It was nice to see Beth try and patch things up with her parents. It must have taken a lot to do that, as I donít think anyone would appreciate being used as a pawn between a marital dispute. Given that they side with the supremacists on their views on blood status, it again must have taken a lot, to patch things up with people who didnít support her own views. I hope we actually see them in person at one point, as they sound like very interesting characters, which I would love to learn more about.

Then that scene with Snape getting teased by the Marauders. Even though this story has made me love Snape even more than before, I still found Jamesís line about the shampoo funny, even if I did feel a little mean about laughing at it. Then the scene that followed that, it was again very aw worthy. It was so nice to see how much Snape has come to trust Beth, and the fact that sheís the only person he can talk to right now, is so pitiful, as he has no other friends, but then that means more Sneth time!

I thought that the Sarah person in the Charms classroom, was your beta, as I remember you saying her name was Sarah, and I was glad that my assumptions were proved correct! That was such a nice thing to do, and betaís really do deserve, as they are awesome!

Ok this is getting to be a really long review, so Iíll just post this how it is, and carry on with the rest of the story!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Trust me, combination review are totally fine. :P And this way I feel (slightly) less bad about how long it's taking me to respond to these reviews! I'm hacking away at them, never fear. ♥

The Snape/Beth moments, especially in this book, are scarce... but they're coming! And I'm glad that you, like other reviewers, have appreciated the realistic pacing of that, because that is something I was so worried about when I first started writing this. Some people trade realism for instant gratification, and I didn't know how doing the opposite would translate here. :P

Arguments MAKE this story -- and I say that not in a conceited way, but for the fact that apparently the only way I can write conflict and move plot along is when people are mad at one person or another. :D Beth and Snape's fight is actually one of my favorite scenes in this book, though, and I think it's one of those things that I think should be in more stories more often. So many times it's the couple against the rest of the world, or the couple fighting due to sexual tension, but Beth and Snape argue because they are polar opposites, as far as viewpoints go. (I hope this review is making sense -- I feel myself starting to ramble...)

We did see Beth's mum, briefly, in chapter 2, but as you know now, they definitely come into play more in ITR. And they crop up again in BE, so look out for that, too! I loved writing them, while hating them simultaneously -- but they're definitely written from Beth's biased point of view.

Sarah completely owns this story. She inspired it in the first place, and she's been so supportive of it throughout, the least I could do was give her a bit of interaction with Sirius. ♥ It's a bit amazing, how widespread her mark on this story is!

Thank you for reviewing!!


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Review #69, by True Author 9 Dustund Way

19th February 2013:
I liked the name of the headquarters. :) Dumbledore was perfect! I like how you write his dialougues.
I liked Beth too as always!!! She's one of the best Ocs around here, seriously. But I don't get why Dumbledore told them the name of the headquarters so soon???

Ashwini

Author's Response: I'm glad you like the headquarters name! I was trying to do a bit of what J.K. Rowling did with Grimmauld (grim old) Place, and as you'll see in ITR and BE, Dustund Way is a bit grimy and undesirable. :P And I'm so glad you liked Dumbledore, too! He is surprisingly easy for me to write in this story, and I am not going to argue with it.

♥ Cannot EVER thank you enough for saying such sweet things about Beth. Obviously she has a near place to my own heart, and it makes me so excited when other people like her, too. :3

Thank you so much for reviewing!! I hope to see you back soon!


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Review #70, by SydneyBlack Rescue and Revelation

17th February 2013:
I'm going to make a prediction!!
I think that Sirius has a crush on Beth :)
So, I've just found this story today, and find it really good! So I'm, going to hurry up and read the rest :D
10/10

Author's Response: Ah, that is an interesting prediction... And you'll see whether or not it's true eventually, although perhaps later rather than sooner. ;) But I don't want to give too much away!

I'm so happy you're enjoying the story so far! ♥ Thank you so much for taking the time to review, too. I'm really looking forward to hearing your opinion on the rest!!


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Review #71, by patronus_charm 9 Dustund Way

17th February 2013:
Hello! I said that I would catch up on this story, so this I was pretty impressed with myself, that I managed to read 18 chapters in about 1 Ĺ hours! But as itís midnight night, I figured I should probably go to sleep, but I couldnít leave without leaving a review!

I am seriously in love with Beth she is just such an awesome character. She just seems really original and unique, and really relatable as well, so definitely not a Mary-Sue! The fact that her animagi form is a falcon, just adds to her awesomeness! I mean thatís such a cool character, and Iíve always wanted to be able to fly, so Iím a little jealous of her right now.

I thought it was great that even though sheís best friends with the Marauders, she could have been influenced by them, and their views on Snape, but she isnít. Itís so nice to see Snape in a positive light for once, as he is one of my favourite characters, and I hate seeing him constantly bashed, so itís so nice to see him as a good guy.

As for Sneth, they have things in common, yet they seem to be different at the same time as well. I really like that, as itís boring having them be completely identical, or the whole opposites attract thing, as thatís repetitive and boring, so having this is such a nice change. I loved the moment when he gave her the letter from her mother, as that was the moment when Snape and Beth both realised that they arenít so different, and in fact are very similar in some respects.

I think you showed how Snape is gradually coming to view her as a different person, brilliantly. It was all very subtle, so it sort of snuck up on you! First it was his thoughts on her, then the greeting her, and voluntarily having conversations with her! I love having Snapeís POV, and I hope these feature more in the future, as heís such a complex character, itís nice to have an insight into whatís going on in his very strange mind!

The thereís James! I thought his characterisation of him, is again excellently done! He doesnít seem very arrogant, and he you can tell that he really cares for Beth, and that they are almost like siblings. I thought the idea of giving Lily the ring was great, and Iím really intrigued to see the outcome of it all! I thought it was also funny that James was the one to notice Bethís crush on Snape first, as I would have thought it would have been Remus, as he seems the most observant of them all, but that was a great twist, as it showed how close James and Beth are.

Can I just give you a big thank you for not making Peter out as a horrible or weak character. Thereís always that temptation to do that, and I have been prone to doing it myself, so seeing your characterisation of him, is such a delight. He actually has a personality here, and you can see why the other three would be friends with him. I think thatís part of the reason why heís portrayed so badly, as people assume that he was never really there friend.

As for Remus and Sirius, I think both of their characterisations are great here! Again you havenít gone down the stereotypical route for them, youíve made Remus rather funny at times, which is a nice change to his usually sombre character. Also Sirius isnít womanizing! That is such a relief to see, as in nearly every Marauders story Iíve read (and thatís probably over 1000Ö..), heís nearly always a womanizer!

I would carrying on going on about how amazing this story is, but I probably should go to bed! Iíll just give a quick shout out, to the map, as the concept of that was great, and very realistic! I canít wait to read more, and Iím so annoyed I left it this long to read it!

-Kiana :D

P.S. Sorry for such a long review!

Author's Response: I am going to let you know right off that these responses are going to be pathetic. :D I cannot even fathom how quickly you read these books, and moreover how complimentary you were of them! I honestly, seriously cannot tell you how much that means to me. ♥ I'm just so glad you enjoyed what I wrote!

Beth is a character very near to my heart, and I'm so happy when other people like her, too. :) The fifth Marauder is rather cliche, but I loved that because it meant I got to break down the stereotypes. And she was written to have certain things in common with Snape, definitely -- but also to be opposite from him in a lot of ways, especially as far as blood allegiances go. Which challenges him, certainly, and who doesn't love a good challenge?

Writing subtle romance is HARD, but I'm floored you think I pulled it off! There is such tension in that aspect.

Writing James and Sirius, quite without my noticing it, became two of my favorite characters to write in this story. ♥ There's something so innocent and wonderful about the kind of friendship I think those boys shared, and it served wonderfully to lighten some of the story's darker moments, too. James/Lily, too, was a ship I'd never given much thought to before writing this particular story -- it was a sort of canon given, and nothing more -- but I know they're your OTP, and it makes me so excited to know that I've won your approval, as it were. :D And can I just thank you real quick, too, because I HATE womanizing Sirius, and I'm so glad you actually noticed he was different here!

♥ I am just so, so blown away, Kiana. Truly. Thank you so much for leaving such an amazing review -- a SERIES of amazing reviews. I am truly, truly blessed to have them. So glad that you enjoyed ITB!


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Review #72, by True Author A Few Truths

9th February 2013:
Truths indeed! I'm surprised to know that James gifted Lily a ring that's given to him by his mother. I can see that James is quite serious with Lily. Poor Beth froze her toes to death for nothing! haha.
Hey "Iíd really like not to have to play the hero so soon.Ē is so much like Harry! I liked it.
Can't wait to read the next one!! =]

Ashwini

Author's Response: James is quite serious with Lily indeed. :) I think he was always serious with her, even when he was younger and more into jokes and things -- that was his kind of way with dealing with it. But there's another glimpse into my own personal canon!

That line reminded me so much of Harry when I wrote it! I like doing that, making connections between father and son. People told Harry how much like his father he was, and it always bugs me when James ISN'T like Harry.

Thank you so much for this review, Ashwini! :) ♥


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Review #73, by Debra20 Unsuspected, Unexpected

3rd February 2013:
Hey hunny, I'm back! It seems you have already won me with this story because I found that I can't go more than one or two days without coming back and reading at least a chapter a day. The story is THIS good :P

Okai, on with the review then. First and foremost I LOVE how this is going. The flow is very good, the story seems well paced and you manage to handle the plot very well considering you have so much going on (three books planned!). I have a curiosity about something though. Remind me if I'm wrong, which I may be because my canon memory is a bit fuzzy (it's been to long since I last read the books), but didn't Severus find out about Remus being a werewolf during their fifth or third year? Or somewhere along those beginning years? I could be very wrong but I still have a feeling that it didn't happen in their seventh year...or did it? In any case, even if it did or didn't, that doesn't take away from my enjoyment of the story. Not at all! If anything, it adds to it :)

Oh Beth who are you trying to fool? You're more in love with Severus than ever! I just wish she'd start doing something to help defend him, to back him up. I find it way too difficult to read about how they treat him without pulling my hair out and imagining strangling the Marauders (only for a short while though because I love them too :P).

And pardon me Lily, I have always admired you and found you were a very sweet and caring person but you just don't do that. No one who has been such close friends with someone does that to them. She barely even thought it dignifying to talk to him, like he was under her level or something! You were close to him once girl! He was there for you when others were not. And if memory doesn't fail me this terribly, he was the one to show you what you were and how to adapt to the thought of what you were. And you go and do...this! I was very infuriated by Lily this chapter (which is good news for you since that means you've written it very well :D).

Can't wait to see what happens next. Until next time, please take care of Severus for me and allow him to have at least some sporadic happy moments :(

Author's Response: First of all -- I know that this response is really overdue, too. And I know that you said it's okay, but I still feel really bad that this has been sitting here for so long unanswered! And I'm still just so, so happy that you've enjoyed the story so much this far. ♥

It's great that you think the flow is good so far! Which is something I of course worry about, and I think all writers do. But anyway. Severus did find out about Remus earlier than I've written in this book, though, you are right -- I changed that for my own selfish purposes. :D

Ahaha, I'm glad you can see what Beth can't! Poor girl. I agree with you, though, that the Marauders' treatment of Snape in some instances was so infuriating. I think he probably provoked them at times, of course, so it's a two-way street, but there you have it. Confession: I didn't like Lily much in this chapter, either. Poor, poor Severus. :(

"Poor" is being used a lot in this response. :P Thank you so much for this review, though! Severus will be in good hands, I guarantee it. Or... well. I can't tell you what he's up to in book 3. You'll have to find out for yourself!!


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Review #74, by True Author Christmas Boys

2nd February 2013:
Christmas time is the best!! :D I wish ALL of them were together for Christmas, but this is more believable.
Are you going to tell us what James gifted Lily? or is it going to be a secret?? I'm curious! =]
The last scene with Beth and Severus was very sweet.
"Her face burned against the relative coolness of her hands, and she knew that she was probably as red as the holly berries on the Christmas trees." I LOVED THIS!! OMG, Rachel, Beth is so sweet. I love her!

Ashwini =]

Author's Response: I absolutely adore Christmas chapters! There is a sort of feeling you get when writing them that you don't get writing any other chapter. Especially Christmas at Hogwarts -- that's a magic in and of itself. :)

You'll see what James got Lily later, I promise! You might already know at this point; I'm a bit tardy in these review responses, I'm afraid. But that last scene is my favorite, too. ♥ I'm so happy you loved it!

What can I say that I haven't said before? Thank you so much for all your incredibly lovely reviews, Ashwini. I honestly cannot tell you how much they really mean to me!! ♥


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Review #75, by Debra20 Unforeseen Suspicions

31st January 2013:
Hallo! Guess who's here again? I am thrilled with how the story is going at the moment so you better get used to seeing my presence here after every chapter :D

OK so this chapter we see Beth actually talking to Severus. Let's take a moment and SQUEAL! Oh dear I wouldn't be more excited about this if it was me in place of Beth! I don't know yet exactly why, but your story reminded me how much I love Snape and how I always wished there had been someone out there that loved him, or at least cared for him as much as he cared for Lily. We have no indication whether his story with Beth will be a happy one but I am overly pleased with the idea that he did have someone to care for him at least (even if it isn't canon...but you write it so well it could pass off as canon any day!).

I am deeply intrigued and a little unsettled by Peter's proposition that only two of them should transform and be with Remus when it's that time for him. Knowing what we know about Peter I can't help but be suspicious about this thought he had. Plus the reason he gave to back it up was very shallow. I was somewhat surprised that James agreed with it. I was expecting them to dismiss it on the spot. Hmm...I'll keep a lookout on Peter! You treacherous rat!

Also, Snape! What is wrong with you man?! Why won't you even look in people's eyes when you speak with them? That was very rude of him to do but maybe he was just...shy...or rude lol. In any case their conversation was delicious to read, albeit it was too short for my greedy liking haha. Can't wait to see what happens next!

You are very well on your way hun. Beth feels like a person and that's very hard to convey at times with OC's but you are great at it. Not to mention Snape and the others. It's a pleasure to read stories such as yours that carefully follow canon material :)

Author's Response: And guess who's here again to leave another response on one of your lovely reviews? :D I'm so excited to see how much you're enjoying the story so far -- really!

The idea of wanting someone to love Snape, beyond friendship, was exactly the reason I set out to write this story. The story I mentioned a few responses back (Curious Happenings at Number Twelve) is mostly a Sirius/OC, but there are touches of Severus/OC, and it was that story that planted the idea in my head in the first place. I love writing original characters, too, and it's a weird thing, but all my stories have put canon men with original women. Maybe I feel none of the canon women are up to their standards -- who knows? I'm really just thrilled to pieces that other people have seemed to think along the same lines as you and me!

Everyone was suspicious of that line of Peter's; I promise I didn't mean it to be that way. :P Writing Peter in this was quite a challenge, though, to be sure! And I will admit that I sometimes have Snape's problem of avoiding people's eyes when I talk to them... which really isn't a good thing. I am trying to be better about it! (I hope shyness is the reason...)

So, so, so glad that Beth already feels a person, and not a character, to you. ♥ I've worked so hard to keep this story as canon as possible while still including an original character, and reviews like yours make me know that all the small plot headaches I've had through the months have all been worth it! Thank you so much!!

(And while I'm thinking of it, congratulations on making prefect!)


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