I really, really loved this.
You have portrayed the emotions of giving birth perfectly and have really captured the character, for I believe that this what Tobias and Eileen are really like.
Well done :) Can't wait to read some more of this!
So I'm guessing next chapter will be two or four??
Oh, and congrats on winning the challenge, you deserved to come first :)
xxAuthor's Response: Thank you SO much. :) Never having given birth myself (seventeen's a little young!), I'm glad that came across well - and THANK YOU for the comments on Tobias and Eileen!
The next chapter will be two, and then that will be followed by the (as yet unwritten) fourth. I'm afraid I won't be able to fix the order as I had hoped, but no matter! Thank you for leaving a review! Report Review
Just - stop. Stop being so good. You're so talented, it's ridiculous. And I can't even start pointing out every little piece of this chapter that amazed me, because I WOULD BE COPYING DOWN THE WHOLE THING.
I'm pretty sure the first paragraph was the best, most descriptive, alluring paragraph in the history of forever.
The way Snape came into the world - the imagery, the emotions, the relationship between Eileen and Tobias - HOLY COW. You have a way with Snape and his story like no one else I've ever come across.
You're going to get so sick of my gushy reviews. But I can say, with all honesty - and I don't care who else reads this - that I think you are the best writer on HPFF. And I'm not just saying that because I like you personally. Even if I had never spoken to you at all on the forums, I would still stalk your author page. I have never read anything written by you that I didn't absolutely adore - and I am separating the Jane I love from your writing. It's fantastic standing on its own. And I think that this chapter right here, is my favorite chapter anywhere on the archives. You just breathe life into everything you write, and you have the talent of someone who's been writing regularly for 20+ years.
I hope you win this challenge. Whoever made them would be crazy not to give you first place.
Do NOT, under any circumstances, feel obligated to say similar things in your reviews with my stories. I do not say these things because I want you to compliment/review me in return; I have never given a review that I did not mean. If something ever needs improvement, I say it. If it's missing something, I say it. But it seems that with every story you write, it just gets better and better until I am absolutely blown out of the water. And now I'm just on this long rant (and I planned to only leave a couple of sentences or so because I don't want to annoy you with my lengthy fangirl-fest) because I still just can't get over your versatility and writing technique. You deserve so much exposure.
So, I'm going to shut up now. Perhaps I should stop reviewing you, because it's just this repetitive cycle of "that was beautiful". But it's your own fault, for writing such beautiful stories! So if you forget anything that I've just said - remember that when I say this is the best chapter I've ever read on the archives (and in comparison to many published books, as well), I mean it. I'm going to go recommend this on the forums.
I hope you're having fun on your vacation. :)
Love you tons!Author's Response: Sarah, this review made me cry. Not tear up. CRY. As in, there were some salty drops running down my face.
I am so glad I'm getting Snape right... no one wants a cliche Snape, and I'm trying to explore maybe some of his less-seen angles. Sick of your reviews? Never ever in a million years, and those are the truest words I've ever spoken.
I think it's so funny that I feel the EXACT same way about your stories - and I MEAN that. You have a way of writing things that makes me jealous beyond belief, and I am not just saying that because you leave me such beautiful reviews. I am SO jealous of both CHaNT and 12 Ways, and yes - all your one shots. Your Dudley one shot? Holy. Cow.
You deserve JUST as much exposure, if not more. And I mean that with everything I can put into these pixels. YOU are amazing.
I love you, Sarah! Thank you for making my whole week brighter. Seriously, I meant EVERYTHING I said up there. Report Review
i love snape and this fic portrays him perfectly. 9/10Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a review! =] Report Review
Hey, hey, hey! Thanks for entering my challenge! :P I'm sorry for taking forever to review, but I'm here now. :) I won't go into a whole lot of detail, but I will touch on a few things.
I really did love song and the story went along with it really well. You did really well in catching Severus's personality, I think. :)
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums)Author's Response: You're very welcome - it was such fun to write! Thanks for such an awesome challenge, I look forward to the results! Report Review
You never cease to amaze me, Jane. I always know that when I read something of yours, I won't be disappointed. And it's great that I don't have to just make up something nice to review that's completely blowing smoke (your...umm...title is nice?) because your writing is always positively overflowing with so many elements to be complimented. It's just...beautiful. Your writing style, as I've said countless times, is just FANTASTIC because it is SO unique to the individual stories. I don't know how you do it, but it's incredible.
Severus is one of my favorite characters in the HP world - second only to Harry. And I am just so relieved and fascinated by this because you wrote him SO WELL, and so in-canon, and it's so original. You wrote that Snape intended to start off on a positive note with Harry. Obviously, we can deduce that he took one look at Harry and was too repulsed by all the James in him to follow through on that. But the fact that you gave him the intention of doing so, and providing a backdrop of how he felt in the days before finally meeting Lily's son - it was just even better than I could have asked for. I feel like it all really happened - this little bit about Snape - and that you told it brilliantly.
I am so tired of seeing evil, villain Snape. And I am endlessly thankful that you paint him differently. I could go on and on forever about how much I liked this, and how deep it was, but I'll just be repeating the whole thing.
A couple of my very favorite bits:
Instead she simply took his heart, and disappeared with it.
I got this picture in my head of Lily sapping away all of Severus's love and kind of running off, vanishing into a puff of smoke. Your imagery is so subtle and beautiful.
- there had never been any sort of closure on his end, and now the wound would always remain open and raw, forever unhealed by time, or anything else. He just wanted a sense of peace, someone to tell him that everything was over now.
It just says so many things. Especially the last bit - "someone to tell him that everything was over now." It was eerie because I remembered how Snape made Harry look into his eyes just so that he could see Lily in them, and I know that it probably did bring him peace. He couldn't get away from himself and his regrets, and from Voldemort, and the life he would never enjoy, until he finally met death. I really think death was the best thing for him, because it's clear he was never going to get over Lily. He was perpetually in love with a dead girl.
So, obviously, I really loved this.
Thank you for continuing to write such amazing stuff.
10/10Author's Response: Oh, Sarah.
Thank you so much... SO much. I really wish I could thank you properly, but it's so hard to convey my gratitude to you over a computer. And even if I were to thank you in person, I know I couldn't do you justice.
Thank you so, so, so, so much. =] Report Review
Wow what a chapter. I don't usually go for song fics but yours drew me like a magnet. I must say I felt sorry for poor old Snape, he sure loved Lily, if only he'd never said MUDBLOOD who knows what could have happened. A well written bit of work and I look forward to reading more. So you will have to update this ASAP. 10/10.Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! I'm not usually much of a song fic person either, but for some reason this was very easy to write. I'll update this just as soon as I can - thank you for taking the time to leave a review! Report Review
Hello again!!! *squishes* So, I had a lovely long review typed yp, and I accidentally deleted it all D: so, here I go again, hehe :)
Yet again, another ah-maaazing story! Man, you write Snape so. well. it's. making. me. jealous. hehe :P
This was so chilling, and also incredibly bittersweet. I love reading fic's about Snape, and you have captured him perfectly (yet again, hehe).
This: "He only regretted that he had ruined any chance he might have had of being the cause of that happiness." made me want to cry. It was just so, so beautiful! Actually, that entire paragraph was beautiful - easily my favourite part of this.
I thought how you included Lily was really, really well done; not to much, not too little. I really could feel every emotion conveyed, and I did feel sorry for him - he loved her so much!
I loved how you wrote his reasoning of a few things. It's just so sad, the way he thinks, and yet it makes sense - it's heart-wrenching! I've always felt sorry for Snape as a character - he's had such a hard life, and you have kept him just the way JK wrote him.
So, yet another incredible piece, Jane! I'm in awe, you're so telented :) 10/10 hun!!! OPERATION: GREEN WITH ENVY!
-'Lizzie-Claire' xoAuthor's Response: *sniffle*
Hehe, I just love Snape, and so a lot of my challenges coincidentally end up being about him. ^^ This isn't a bad thing... right? *flails*
You have once again made me speechless to express to you my love for your sweet reviews. And you, of course! *squish*
Thank you from the deepest depths of my heart. =] xoxoxo Report Review
Jane, This was AMAZING!!
You have managed to write Severus Snape perfectly. It's as if you have gotten inside his head and written all his thoughts down on paper. Absolutely excellent!
You portrayed his emotions and feelings perfectly and the fact that he still has all these regrets is so true of Snape.
No spelling or grammar mistakes so well done. It makes it so much easier to concentrate on your actual writing - flawless!
I am most definitely looking forward to reading the other three parts of this story. You'd better ask me to review them when they're up! :P
-Sophia xAuthor's Response: SOPHIA! Oh goodness, I miss you so much. =[ I'm about to go leave a comment on your profile!
There. Now. To business. ^^
Thank you so much for your lovely review on this! I will certainly let you know when the next bits are up. =]
Thank you SO much, Sophia!!! xoxoxo Report Review
Wow, this was simply breathtaking. I have never felt so much sadness for a character after reading a fic.
Poor Snape. I've felt sorry for him ever since the last book, and I love reading fics about him.
I think you have done an amazing job with this and I can't wait to read some more :)
OPERATION: GREEN WITH ENVYAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you so much. =] That really means a lot to me! I shall certainly let you know when more is up. ^^ Report Review
hi there! sorry it took me so long to get the review in--my parents were hollering for me to come eat dinner (they do this when i come home :P )!
firstly, your style of writing is really refreshing. you have a certain way with sentences that i can't really label, but you make them powerful while still encouraging me to take them seriously. i have a bad, bad habit of wanting to roll my eyes at snape/lily fics, but i actually (*gasp*) felt sympathy for snape here! i think because you showed that he actually knew what a jerk he'd been, too...that helped me :)
songfics are admittedly another pet peeve but you did your song justice! i like the weight that you gave to her name; that snape was thoughtful, not so full of malice, etc. he was human, not just snape.
that being said, no glaring grammatical/spelling/diction issues either! yayy!
really well done, i congratulate you!
--lilyAuthor's Response: Don't worry a bit about it! ^^
Your review was lovely, thank you so much for it. ^^ I'm glad you felt bad for Snape, I was hoping to get that emotion! I'm not usually a huge songfc person either, but I love Maroon 5 and so had to enter the challenge. ^^
Thank you so much, lovely Aiedail! *hug* Report Review
Whoa man, I just want to give Snape a massive bear hug *hugs* and tell him that it will all be ok. The way you portrayed his emotions and remorse, jeez totally pulled on my heartstrings. I'm such a sap when it comes to stories like these, you could probably write one like this about Voldemort and I would end up feeling sorry for him lol, i'm such an idiot *facepalm*
'I wake up every morning wishing one more time to face her', this line was so beautiful and so fitting for Snape. I totally feel Snape was missunderstood though sometimes plus going thorough unrequited love must have been hard for him, especially when she was in lov with his enemy.
I LOVE the song and it all merges so perfectly with the mood and the vibe of the story. I will definitely be reading the rest =D!! Great!
SilverstarletworldAuthor's Response: Aww, hehe! Snape deserves more hugs, I think - I'm sure he appreciated that. I'm so glad to hear you liked the story, and even more appreciative that you'll come back! *cheer*
Thank you for your lovely review! Report Review
heeey! i like this. i feel so bad for snape, missing Lily, regretting calling her a *gasp!* mudblood. I can feel his pain :'( and the nightmare thing -awesome. I really do believe he must have had nightmares about that particular breaking point in his life someday. and i feel for him, and i want to cry with him, even though he wont. and i love all the wonderful description in this, and once again, POOR SNAPE :'0 yeah, couldnt help that. poor, poor snape.
still, good work!Author's Response: Hehe, I'm gld you feel bad for Snape - that's what I was going for! ^^ I, too, believe that he probably had Lily-nightmares.
Thanks so, so much for your review! Report Review
I love Lily! Of course I was going to read this and enjoy it! :D
Song-fics have always seemed cheesy and kind of lazy to me (I bet this'll bite me one day and I'll end up writing one!) but this is very well-written. I understand that it's for a challenge, so will ignore that it's not in my preferred format. *finishes sound arrogant*
You've written it perfectly around the lyrics, and the language melds with the lyrics brilliantly. I'd love to read more of this, purely because you’ve seemed to capture the agony that Snape must have felt throughout his life. His constant torment really comes through in this, although in some ways it comes across as a bit too "fresh". That's my only real flaw with the whole thing. EDIT: he doesn't seem too torn up that he pretty much killed her. Only that he lost her in the sixth year. That might just be my interpretation though!
Keep writing, re-request reviews when the next chapters are up, and I hope that I helped, although I can't really offer advice to improve!Author's Response: Thanks so much for your awesome review! I, too, am not huge on song-fics, but I appreciate that you read it all the same. ^^
I think the freshness stems from the fact that Snape is still forced to relive his worst memory on a weekly basis, via his dreams, so it's always 'fresh' in his mind. If that makes sense?
I will definitely re-request with future chapters - thank you so much for this!! Report Review
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