Reading Reviews for Second Hand Ticking
  
66 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Jia Second Hand Ticking

9th March 2011:
I thought this was great. I loved how you made Ron sound really evil, then Hermione made him realise what a fool he had been. And the love between Rose and Scorpius, that wasnt show much, but in the 'Cinderella' bit, where it talked about the prince and the princess, it really came out. I seriously enjoyed reader this. Jia xxx p.s i sound like a sap dont i?

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to leave a review! =]

Saps are fine in my book!


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Review #27, by abi Second Hand Ticking

5th March 2011:
I really liked this one-shot - you don't see many stories around where Rose and Scorpius are struggling, I liked it, it felt realistic (well... as realistic as HP gets) :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! Realism was definitely a major thing I was going for. Thanks so muchfor taking the time to leave a review, I really appreciate it!

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Review #28, by slytherangoddess Second Hand Ticking

5th March 2011:
Cute fic! Normally I wont read anything thats a preg-fic that isn't canon because they just tend to be way weird and off the wall, BUT this one was pretty darn good! :D

I like how you incorperated Ron and Hermione into it as well. Parents often get left out but you kept them interesting :D

GREAT JOB!!

~~Sly~~

OPERATION: Green With Envy

Author's Response: I totally understand where you're coming from - normally I'm the same way! I enter challenges sometimes not knowing if I'll stay in, but when I was assigned this pairing the scene in the Weasley kitchen immediately flashed into my mind, and I knew I wanted to write it. ^^ Thank you for leaving a review! Go green and silver!

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Review #29, by Soleil et Lune Second Hand Ticking

1st March 2011:
I really really liked it! It makes sense to me, the reactions of the parents, but in the end Ron finally seeing reason.

Good job!!

Author's Response: Thank you for your lovely and unexpected review, I'm glad to hear you liked the story! ^^

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Review #30, by Sorcha15 Second Hand Ticking

12th February 2011:
Awesome story,love the change in Ron at the end.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for coming by and leaving a review, I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #31, by Aderyn Second Hand Ticking

10th February 2011:
Hi, here for your review!

So I quite like this one shot. I love how original it is. Most stories have Rose/Scorpius as rich and benefitting from their parents' wealth. But it's quite interesting to see how they would act if they were poor. It's also pretty unique in that Ron completely refuses to talk to Rose.

The end is quite touching and redeeming, which seems fitting to the story. Overall, a unique taste on the challenge prompt!

Author's Response: Hello, thanks for swinging by! ^^ I'm chuffed to hear you liked this one shot, thanks very much for that. I'm glad you think this took a unique twist, as I was going for that exactly!

Thanks so much for popping by with a review, I really appreciate it!


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Review #32, by rozen_maiden Second Hand Ticking

9th February 2011:
Hello dear (:
This was amazing! I'm not usually a Rose/Scorp fan, as there are too many tangents that people tend to take them on, but this was truly amazing. You seemed to capture each character perfectly; even Rose had traits of both her parents, and I found it really enjoyable to read (: I got really into the characters and I couldn't help but feel their confused and angsty emotions.
Ron and Hermione were perfect. Whenever they spoke, I felt like I was reading a part from JK's novels. I have never seen anything so in canon on this site! It was truly amazing to read (:
So glad I stopped by your author page again (: it was well worth it!
Mahalia

Author's Response: Thanks so much for coming by and leaving such a sweet and amazing review! =] What's funny is, I was never a ScoRose fan before I was assigned this pairing, but this idea just popped immediately in my head and I had to do it. ^^

I can't believe you think my Ron and Hermione were the most canon thing you've seen on this site - that truly has just made my week. =] Wow!!! I just can't even thank you enough for that. ^^

Thank you so much for coming by yet again!!! It truly means so much to me that you do. xoxoxo


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Review #33, by BrightStar Second Hand Ticking

8th February 2011:
Hi! Me again! I said last night I'd read this one, so I did! Again, amazing you did this for a challenge, I havn't even started my 3! so realistic, especially about Scorpius, and how they were shunned. Also, its great to read storys that are so well written, and yours are definately that!

One thing, and you may completely disagree with me here. I was a little surprised how much power that the male characters seemed to have in this story - maybe I'm missing something, but was there a reason why Scorpius had to be the bread winner? Did Rose have a job? Though I'm not coming out and disagreeing with you (your characters were extremely believable in themselves) I thought it extremely odd that Hermione could be separated from her daughter, because her husband gave the say so. However, its true people can change.

Anyhoo, really enjoyed this one as well, I hope you're really proud, you should be! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for coming by and leaving a review! =]

I think it's so funny you mentioned the male power (I'm a TOTAL feminist), and believe it or not I do have answers to your questions! (I have a lot of unshared background about this story, elements I thought I might include but ended up cutting.)

Scorpius was the 'breadwinner' because he was the only one who could find a job at all, mostly odd jobs from Mr. Borgin at Borgin and Burkes (as Scorpius's father was a valued customer there). Most other people in the wizarding world wanted nothing to do with Scorpius, because of his father's reputation, and Rose was lumped into this category when she changed her last name and people figured out what had happened between her and Scorpius.

As for Hermione, she had no idea where Rose might be (Hugo was sworn to secrecy in his letters, which included no return address anyway). It wasn't that she was forbidden to help, but more like she was powerless to. If that makes any sense?

Thanks again for coming by and leaving a review, I think it's so nice of you. =] I hope to keep seeing you around the forums!


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Review #34, by redherring Second Hand Ticking

8th February 2011:
Firstly, I think the premise for this story is a really brilliant one - that Scorpius can't get a job because, basically, everyone hates him, and the idea that he and Rose are practically shunned by the wizarding world. One of my pet peeves is when in next-gen stories the Malfoys seem to have no problems whatsoever and only Ron in all the world seems to have any issue with them. Secondly, I think I'm a little bit in love with your banner xD

I really liked the conversation/debate/semi-argument between Rose and Scorpius at the beginning, all the dialogue seemed natural and realistic. I also really like Scorpius - he's suitably proud and Malfoyish, but at the same time seems like quite a nice guy :D

I think in parts of this it's important to remember the idea 'show don't tell', especially in the part about Draco and Ron's feelings about the relationship. I think that in a ScoRose story, unless it's stated otherwise, many readers will just assume that Ron and Draco aren't over the moon about their children being together, and so here I didn't feel it needed to be explained to such an extent as it was. It could have been slipped in there in about one line, but instead it felt like it was lingered on unnecessarily.

I really liked how you wrote Rose and Hermione's reunion. It was rather moving, actually! :P Rose remembering her scent was very sweet, showing how close they used to be. Hermione's reaction to finding out about the pregnancy was very realistic too, I thought - she's cleary shocked by it, and probably not entirely approving, but she can see Rose and Scorpius are happy about it, and she won't to anything to risk losing her daughter again, and at the same time, she is happy at the prospect of being a grandmother.

On the other hand, I didn't much like Ron's reaction. Yes, he could be disapproving, he could dislike Scorpius and his family and hate the fact that they were married, but him sneering at them and ordering the pair of them out of his house seemed a bit over the top, and rather out of character as well. A cold, quiet, dismissive reaction might work better? The idea that he's in a lot of pain at the fact that there's this rift between them, but he just isn't willing to back down and accept what she's done? I don't know, it just didn't feel right to me.

I thought in the section that followed that, Ron was exceptionally well written, however. And the memory was wonderful - ickle Rose was so adorable and the father-daughter relationship was absolutely lovely. Hermione was also well written, which is impressive as she can be hard to do, but I think you pretty much nailed her characterisation here.

I love love loved that last line: The nightmare had ended; the dream was just beginning. It was a lovely note to end on and I actually felt rather uplifted x) Overall, nice work here! A very good read :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for popping by and leaving a review! ^^ (Isn't the banner amazing? amours.toujours just blew my mind, and I barely gave her any direction at all, so what she could do from nothing just astounded me!)

Thanks for all your compliments, it really means so much to me. ^^ I kind of was writing so that even someone who didn't know much of a history of ScoRose would understand the story's premise. (I think this resulted from my showing it to a friend of mine whose HP knowledge is limited.) I guess that's why I elaborated on some things. ^^

I'm also really pleased to hear you think I nailed Hermione's character - you're right, she is rather a tough one to write! I love that last line too, last lines of stories are always some of my very favorites to write.

Thanks so much for your lovely and very helpful review, it means a lot to me that you took the time to write such a long one. I hope to see you around the forums! =]


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Review #35, by Kaida_Snape Second Hand Ticking

7th February 2011:
Ah! I loved it! In fact, I almost wanted to cry. I was also looking at this contest, but I just really couldn't find the time. I really enjoyed this story. It felt real and made me feel exactly what they were going through. Even though it was short, it was at the same time just enough words to explain what was going on and kept the reader’s attention. Great job!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! ^^ I'm so glad it felt real, I was going for a realistic scenario here and am glad it worked out. Thanks so much for leaving a review!

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Review #36, by pumba Second Hand Ticking

6th February 2011:
OH RON I LOVE YOU.
he's so bloody hilarious, you portrayed all of the characters perfectly. i just love how sweet scorpius is and how freaking hilarious hermoine is and etc. i am now going off to see if you have anymore stories.

x

pumba

ps. FANTASTICALLY WRITTEN. 10/10

Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much for the review! =] I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and that you think I got the characterizations right. ^^

I certainly do have more stories, hehe! ^_^ Reviews are always loved and replied to! Thanks so much, truly. =]


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Review #37, by libby103 Second Hand Ticking

5th February 2011:
Hey! It's Liberty from my review thread on the forums!
Sorry it's taken me a bit to get here!

Overall, I loved this story.

Out of all the fics I've seen done of Rose and Scorpius after their Hogwarts years, none has had this sort of concept where they've been shunned from the entire Wizarding World. The best part is, you've made it completely plausible! I just love this take on Rose and Scorpius's relationship.

Rose and Scorpius as Next Generation characters don't have much set about them, but you did a good job incorporating what we do know of them into their personalities. Ron and Hermione's characters were also spot on.

Your writing draws the reader in, though it's not the most descriptive, that's part of it's appeal. Your story line flows very well, I didn't really notice the transitions.

Okay, so I do have to give you criticism. It's my reviewer duty.

Only thing that I felt wrong with this piece was the content of Rose and Scorpius's poverty. Yes, you did spell it out for us, they had no money whatsoever. That section of this story was long enough and had the right air to it. However, I would've loved it if there were something to illustrate just how poor Rose and Scorpius are. I'm not sure what, maybe just some simple gesture of not having potion ingredients for something or other. That would've made that part perfect.

That's all I have really. I hope this review was helpful! I really liked this story!

from,
Liberty (libby103)
p.s. Feel free to re-request me as a reviewer for any of your stories any time.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for coming by and reviewing! Don't worry about the time, as long as you came by at all I'm a happy girl. ^^

I'm glad you thought the story was plausible, and I'm so pleased you think my writing draws in the reader. =) That is what I'm going for, after all! And thanks for your comments on characterization, as well. ^_^

Ohh... you've just given me an idea!!! I'll go back and edit this story in a bit for it, thanks so much!

Your review was helpful, never you worry. ^^ Thank you so much! xoxoxo


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Review #38, by CDCdancer Second Hand Ticking

5th February 2011:
Hi, CDCdancer from the forums here with your review! :)

This was REALLY good! Your writing is absolutely beautiful, it flows wonderfully. Your descriptions, and the way you describe the feelings of the characters is amazing. The idea for this story is great, and it was well-carried out. The plot and the way the characters act is believable. This is going under my favorites and I'm going to go put this under a story reccomendation at the forums!

I looked over this story for something I could critique you on, but I honestly couldn't find anything. I just loved the story overall! :)

Thanks so much for writing and showing me this story! If you ever want another review from me feel free to head back to the forums and request another! :)

10/10

Jackie

Author's Response: Wow! I'm just speechless... Thank you so much. ^^

Nawww, you've just made me tear up. =) I'm so glad you liked the characters, description, plot, etc.

I certainly will request from you in the future. =) Thank you so, so, so, so, so, SO much!!!


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Review #39, by _Leo_ Second Hand Ticking

5th February 2011:
Hey there!

First off, this was a wonderful story!

Well done where grammar and spelling is concerned, I only really noticed one little thing, where Hermione talks to Ron:
'Malfoy's probably done to same to Scorpius that you did to Rose, ever think of that?"'
I'm sure you'll see what I mean ;) But I'm only nit-picking here.
Other than that, nothing to distract from the flow, and the description was well done too. It was like watching the scene unfold in front of my eyes.

I adored little Rose with her Daddy, when she said,
"Daddy, you my pince." Very sweet.
I also thought the characters seemed pretty authentic, I can imagine them acting like that.

Great story :D

xxx Leo

Author's Response: Hello, and thanks so much for coming by and leaving a review!

Aaaargh, I do that SO much and I've never caught that mistake before!! Thanks for pointing it out. ^^

Thanks so much for exchanging reviews with me, and for leaving such a wonderful review in return! =)


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Review #40, by Miss MarlaG Second Hand Ticking

5th February 2011:
ep. awesome awesome awesome. She's pregnant! i wouldnt have seen it coming hadn't i read that this was for the We are Pregnant! Challenge :/ they eloped! i dont know why i am in love with that words :D but i like the whole idea that times are hard for them and they got to pay rent and bills and electricity AND she's pregnant... and then at the end she got together with Ron :') love love love!

Author's Response: I love the word 'elope' too, it just sounds so romantic, hehe. ^_^ I wanted to make this story kind of more realistic than, say, my novella *cough* soap opera *cough* so I'm glad you liked it! =)

Thanks so much for exchanging reviews with me!! xoxox


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Review #41, by justonemorefic Second Hand Ticking

5th February 2011:
I'm going to review as I go along :)

Ah, I love your flow of paragraphs and events. The backstory is very believable and understandable. And I like the consequences this acknowledges. I will say that you may consider not giving the backstory immediately and all at once as it may cause the beginning to drag on with the lack of action.

I love how you describe how Rose says "The rent's due." The hope that it disappears. Proverbial bushes. I get a good image of her from that! Ah, prideful Scorpius. I can see him rejecting 'charity' like that.

OH THE BABY. OH THAT WAS SO SWEET ;^; I WENT ALL WIBBLY INSIDE. YEAH YOU BETTER LISTEN TO HER NOW, SCORPIUS.

Ohhh that was also so sweet with Hermione. It's sweet, but naturally so, not saccharine.

STUPID RON. RON D: WHYYY. Oh but he made up for it. YAY. Phew. The reunion was so sweet! I'm glad you didn't resolve everything with the Malfoys and that ultimately it's a story about familial love, ending it with them leaving their apartment for home.

Lovely ^___^!

Author's Response: Haha, your review just made me laugh so hard! =D Your little jibes at Ron and Scorpius, hahaha! Ohhh, let me calm down enough to write a proper thank-you. =D

Ahem. Seriously, thanks so much for popping by and leaving a review. =) I'm glad you enjoyed the story, I'm trying to work my way up as far as writing ability goes and I'm definitely getting there with this story. ^^

Thanks so much for exchanging reviews with me!! ^^


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Review #42, by xtinjsc Second Hand Ticking

3rd February 2011:
Hello, TenthWeasley! ^_^

Thank you for dropping by my review thread and I am terribly sorry for the confusion. *blushes* I am really a slow reviewer and I tend to, er, ponder about a story first before reviewing, see? But enough with my excuses and let's move on to the proper review, shall we?

Your style was very fluid. In all honesty, there wasn't really something in this story that stood out for me, but there was something rather systematic about your writing. I adored the effort you put into creating such vivid scenes, especially with your characters. I was able to picture how they look, their positions, their movements... Not many authors bother to do that. I mean, your plot was very simple and not really what I could call unique, yeah? But the way you presented it and developed it made this story extra special, so kudos for that.

This was also very well-written technical-wise. I could really tell you spent a good amount of time proofreading this and I thank you for that, because I was able to enjoy this story better without the shifting tenses and glaring grammar slip-ups to distract me. I did notice, though, that you were quite comma-happy. Haha. Nothing wrong with that, my dear. It actually showcased how well you know your way around punctuations, which is always impressive, BUT (yeah, I think you saw this coming :P) I did think you abused your semicolons a little. One of the reasons why authors use semicolons sparingly (aside from the obvious fact that the are tricky) is that they stand out. They stand out and they can be distracting. Have you tried reading this out loud, btw? It's actually a good practice. You will hear the punctuations and you will notice that semicolons are just as bad as full stops when it comes to ruining a smooth flow. I suggest to at least tone them down and lessen them next time. *wink wink*

This line on your first paragraph: That was probably the hundredth time she'd looked at the clock that afternoon. You used the phrase 'the hundredth time' twice in the same paragraph and it made it seem redundant. Maybe change it up a bit? Just in case you plan to edit this.

Okay, so your style was straightforward storytelling and I liked that. Personally, I'd rather have that kind than the one teemed with dizzying purple prose etc. It's always better to show, not tell when presenting a story, yeah? Especially with the characters' emotions. And you could do that with dialogues, by moving your characters around, having them interact with the other characters, giving them mannerism etc. - you did it all brilliantly. There were odd lines in here, though, that I just found unnecessary and I just wished weren't there. For example:

Ron sputtered, sitting down at the kitchen table. He felt like the biggest jerk in the world. --> The second sentence... I thought you need not tell us that, tbh. Telling us exactly what he felt was just off. You have to show us that Ron felt like the biggest jerk in the world. Trust your characters and make them perform. *wink* That's just a little suggestion for next time, because I really think you have a great talent as a writer and you could do better.

I found Rose's character weak - not in the way you developed her, but her actual personality. See, for someone who was brave enough to elope with the person they love, I found that her apologising to Scorpius being pregnant a little garish. Surely, she trusted him, yeah? She seemed almost like she was scared of him, tbh. I just found it hard to cheer for her when she was crumbling like that. I dunno, maybe she was just hormonal? Hahaha. Plus the fact that they were really in such a dire situation must've put so much pressure on her. I just wished I'd see her fighting spirit a little better.

I liked Scorpius here. He absolutely had that proud demeanor that I always associated with the purebloods. But you could tell that he loved Rose very much. It melted my heart when he finally agreed to seek Rose's parent's help when he learned that she was expecting. And I thought he handled himself well in that confrontation with Ron.

Hermione and Ron - you nailed them. I was bothered at first, with how harsh Ron seemed to appear when he stripped Rose off her inheritance, but then that scene between him and Hermione just fixed it. I mean, it was so typical of Ron to make rash decisions like that, yeah? And I guess he was just so hurt and proud to actually rectify his mistake. I thought that little flashback with him and Rose was very sweet as well. Hermione was just perfect. I was just so impressed with your version of her, really. Great job!

The ending was just heart-warming and you've written it very well. It was very promising and I loved it. Nothing like a good story with a happy ending to make you smile, right? I truly enjoyed reading this and I think you did a great job with this story. Just look at all your reviews to prove that! Teehee. You are really talented, so just keep writing and improving, kk? I guess that's it for me and this review. I'll see you around! ^_^

Author's Response: I'm so glad you popped by and gave this story a review!! ^_^ Don't worry yourself one bit about the mix-up, it didn't bother me in the slightest. It was really my fault for requesting a story so close to 20 reviews in the first place! No worries, hun. =)

Okay - hands down, you are probably the best reviewer I have ever seen. =) I really and truly mean that! Your praise warmed my heart without making me feel arrogant; your critiques were so incredibly helpful, they hardly felt like critiques at all, and certainly didn't seem picky in the slightest.

YES, I have such a semicolon problem. X3 I was working on another piece just last night and was getting panicky every time I wanted to use a semicolon, thinking, "Does this fit here??" because so many people have commented on it. ^^

Thank you for all your wonderful compliments, you have successfully brought happy tears to my eyes. =) Especially when you said I was talented, you just put me over the edge; my mom thought something was wrong with me, hehe!

I cannot even begin to thank you for your review, you have truly made my week and made me want to go over this story in the hopes of making it better. =) I am taking ALL your suggestions into serious scrutiny and consideration! Thank you so, so, so, so, so much for your amazingly wonderful review!


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Review #43, by philly94 Second Hand Ticking

2nd February 2011:
wow! you did a great job writing all the emotions in this, and there were a lot! The back story on Rose and Scorpius was nice, and his reaction to the baby was great. I'm glad you didn't have him run off and come back a few days/weeks/months later as most books and movies do.
One complaint was Hermione's character, I can't see her just standing there as Ron was yelling at Rose, especially since she knew she was pregnant. I would have expected her to try and intervene before Rose left, not just after.
A great read :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! =) I'm very glad you enjoyed it.

Thank you so much for stopping by, it means the world to me to have such lovely reviews! ^_^


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Review #44, by annaawakening Second Hand Ticking

1st February 2011:
Oh, good gravy, you've done it again!
Let me just say the characterization of Ron? Brilliant. Spot-on. Same goes for Hermione. I see Rose and Scorpius differently as adults, but that's the beauty of an ambiguous epilogue in Deathly Hallows, isn't it?
Again, your description is flawless. There were a few minor errors in typing, but that's probably the heat-of-the-moment typing frenzy everyone goes through when their muse has hit.
Hooray for another job well done!

-Anna

Author's Response: *throws confetti* Thank you for dropping by - again!! ^_^

I'm so glad you liked it, truly! I'll have to go back and scrounge up those errors - I tend to get flustered when my muse hits, it ain't pretty! =D

Thank you SO much!


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Review #45, by LovelyMioneWeasley Second Hand Ticking

1st February 2011:
Hello there,
LMW from the forums with your review. I did in fact have slots open and was looking forward to actually reading this. I stumbled across it and wanted to read it but didn't have time earlier.

Firstly, I really loved your graphic. It was very pretty and almost a good contrast to your story. Your story has such desperation and the graphic is so neat and put together; it almost reveals how something can look so different from the outside comapred to the inside. Sorry to get overly poetic on you but I thought it was an observation worth making.

Also, I noticed the challenge so I was forewarned on what I thought could potentially happen in the story. It did not take away for the story for me.

Your plot, unfortunately, is not far-reaching. I have a handful of friends myself that have been in such a situation. However, some of them didn't get such a happy ending. But I liked the happy ending--thats not the point I'm making. I just wanted to point out that this is a pretty typical story in reality.

That being said, you handled it beautifully. It was the writing style that really allowed this one-shot to stand on its own for originality. The one-shot seems to go by fast even though you threaten the horizon of five thousand words. Well done.

In terms of charactersation, its believable. Scorpius is a pretty nice guy in this; I see no terms of harsh behavior or such, which would seem a bit more characterstic of a Malfoy and the biological environment. That being said, the rebellion could be a good self explanation.

Ron and Hermione were also in wonderful character; you retain a young Ron we recognize from the series with some adult aspects. I applaude you for that; I get tired of authors leaving Ron in a perpetual state of pre-Epilogue in DH. Well done.

As for grammar and syntax, grammar didn't seem to have any issues. Your formatting was good and was easy to read. No need for smoke and mirrors; the facts were the facts.-- I think that its kind of abrupt with the amount of wordiness (not a bad thing) you use; I would reccomend in this instance changing it to "There was ...". It just seems to flow better in my mind.

If you haven't already, I'd think about reading this one-shot out loud to yourself. In the spots, where you are gasping for breath or you find yourself growing bored (potentially), think about how to mix up the sentence structure. You use a lot of commas, semicolons, and clauses to create a more flow-y one-shot. That is fine but variety is the spice of life and a good one to use. This is also a technique you could employ in the future.

I just make these points because you asked for suggestions for improvement; I would be considerably proud and happy with the product I have now. However, sometimes, we like to spruce up our pride and joy. Congrats. I hope this review helped; I really enjoyed your writing.

Lindsey

Author's Response: First, let me say it is always a pleasure to receive a review from you. =] You genuinely take the time to,leave long and very helpful reviews in order to help a writer, and this is appreciated more than I can tell you!

I took your suggestion, and will be editing bits of the story shortly. =] I have a strong tendency towards commas and run-ons, but until now haven't really known what to do about it. So thank you!

I am very grateful you did this for me. Thank you for coming out and reviewing!


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Review #46, by ravenclaw_princess Second Hand Ticking

30th January 2011:
Once again it has been a pleasure to review one of your stories.

This was a very believable one-shot with a plausible back story and evolving plot. The story flowed really well between paragraphs and sections and the back story. The flash back of Ron's was also nicely placed and flowed seemlessly into the story. I also really liked how you used the clock throughout the story.

Grammatically I didn't notice anything major errors. Maybe a few extra semicolans than strictly necessary, and sometimes your paragraphs did feature thoughts from both characters

ie “Your mother tells me you’re…” He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “She says you’re having a baby,” he finished uncomfortably, now fiddling with the collar of his blazer, his ears turning characteristically red. Rose nodded mutely; her father had never been one to handle mentions of such things very well. It appeared time hadn’t changed that.

But, for some reason, while probably grammatically incorrect, it didn't detract from the story or make it lose any flow so I wasn't really bothered by it at all.

I thought the characters were spot on, especially Hermione, she acted just I I would imagine her to be. And so did Ron, especially after Hermione's lecture. Rose and Scorpius were believable and you could tell the depths of despair that they are both in.

Congrats on another nicely written story.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for coming by and reviewing this story, it means so much to me. =)

I do have quite a love for semicolons, hehe. ^_^ And thank you for your sweet comment about the characterization! I'm so honored you came by the review this story. =) Thank you very much!


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Review #47, by schoenemaedchen Second Hand Ticking

30th January 2011:
Hello there! You requested this piece on my review boards and here I am.

This is a GREAT story. I just buzzed right through it. If it had been a book, I wouldn't have been able to put it down.

The plot was simple and straightforward, but extremely well presented. The flow was absolutely perfect, each paragraph melted into the other in a harmonious way. It was flawless, in my opinion.

The characterization was spot on. The background story was believable and worked well everywhere.

Honestly, I have nothing but compliments to give! Here, please have a basket full of them! I really loved it.

I only had one question. In terms of Canon, I was pretty sure Ron only worked with Harry at the ministry for a while. At some point he switched over to help George in the Joke shop (and became quite well-off in the process).

Even if you're not going for canon, though, and this was mentioned only VERY briefly in a JKR interview, I still think your story was positively wonderful. Thanks so much for requesting it!!
-schoenemaedchen

Author's Response: Wow, I'm so thrilled to hear you couldn't 'put it down' (as it were, hehehe)! I like writing things that are readable, as opposed to throwing around advanced vocab and deep, piercing thoughts - it's just not me. =)

Your review was totally sweet. =) And you're totally right about Ron's job, I thought about keeping it 100% canon and having Ron work at the joke shop - but I just couldn't see Scorpius doing it. =D

Thank YOU so very much for coming by and leaving such a wonderful review, I'm truly honored that you did so! =)


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Review #48, by ShelbyBlack Second Hand Ticking

30th January 2011:
10/10! DUH! I LOVE IT!

Why oh WHY do you ALWAYS make me cry!? Obviously you deserve all the praise you are getting and them some!

The emotion was so evident and their pain! *tear*
I love your writing! You never ever ever ever...ever cease to amaze me you know that! YOU'RE AMAZING!

What else can I say? (Other than I'm so so sorry for the late review you deserve, I feel so horrible about that!!)

LOVE YOU xxo

Author's Response: Awww, Shelby!!! You are the sweetest person EVER. =) Siriusly, your review just made my week, hehe! ^_^

Don't worry about the late review lovely, it's nothing. Hehehe, YOU'RE AMAZING-ER! xoxo Love you!!!


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Review #49, by white_eyebrow Second Hand Ticking

30th January 2011:
Here's your requested review.

First impression:
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Got a little Romeo & Juliet action going on here--minus the blood-feud, of course. Good use of the clock in the opening and throughout for pacing; that was perfect for the opening.

Grammar:
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In general, you have no problems with punctuation. Although, you tend to get generous with the semi-colons when a period would do just fine.

Watch your paragraphing. As a rule of thumb, a paragraph maintains a single character POV; In some places it was difficult to tell where your focus was. For example, this:

//
"You're sure?" he said, not turning to look at her. Rose nodded, then realizing he couldn't see her, choked, "Yes. I've b-been suspecting it for a while now, but n-now I'm sure. I d-didn't want to tell you, because of..." She trailed off; she didn't need to finish that sentence.

"I-I'm sorry," she finished weakly, and at that he turned, pain marring his handsome face.

"Oh, Rosie," he whispered brokenly, crossing the room in two strides and sitting beside her again, taking her back into his arms. "Why are you sorry?" She drew back and looked at him, and he smiled gently and wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb.

"You're having a baby, Rose. Our baby. Do you know how wonderful that is?" Her lips trembled, but she returned his smile.

"We knew when we got married that it was risky. Hell, we knew when we fell in love that it was risky. But there has not been a moment when I have regretted taking those risks, and I stand by that now. I love you, and we're going to get through this together." He took her hands and squeezed them. "Okay?"
//

Should probably be formatted like this:

//
"You're sure?" he said, not turning to look at her.

Rose nodded, then realizing he couldn't see her, choked, "Yes. I've b-been suspecting it for a while now, but n-now I'm sure. I d-didn't want to tell you, because of..." She trailed off; she didn't need to finish that sentence. "I-I'm sorry," she finished weakly, and at that he turned, pain marring his handsome face.

"Oh, Rosie," he whispered brokenly, crossing the room in two strides and sitting beside her again, taking her back into his arms. "Why are you sorry?" She drew back and looked at him, and he smiled gently and wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. "You're having a baby, Rose. Our baby. Do you know how wonderful that is?" Her lips trembled, but she returned his smile. "We knew when we got married that it was risky. Hell, we knew when we fell in love that it was risky. But there has not been a moment when I have regretted taking those risks, and I stand by that now. I love you, and we're going to get through this together." He took her hands and squeezed them. "Okay?"
//

Style:
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You have a fine writing style. You handle the angst portion of this piece well.

However, you have a tendency to wordiness; especially with your dialogue tags. This is made evident by preponderance of adverbs. I stopped counting after 100--that's way too many to use, especially for a one shot. Instead of using adverbs as a crutch, trust in your dialogue to bring those character emotions out. Strong verbs and adjectives will do more to elicit a sentence's true meaning.

Note this, or example:

//
It was as if the world stood still; she was sure that absolutely nothing moved at that one moment in time. Scorpius was looking at her with a politely puzzled expression, as if he had simply misunderstood what she had forced out. She wiped her eyes, mascara slashing her pale, freckled cheeks, and still he continued to look at her.

"You're pregnant?" he finally asked quietly, and she nodded, fresh tears pooling in her eyes. He stood quietly and moved to the window, staring unseeingly out of the dirty glass onto the street below. She watched his back apprehensively, her trembling fingers covering her mouth. Was this the beginning of the end, then?
//

...as compared to this (note also the paragraphing):

//
The world stood still.

Scorpius looked upon her, befuddled, as she wiped away the mascara that slashed her pale, freckled cheeks. "You're pregnant?" he whispered, though there was no mistaking the fresh tears that pooled in her eyes. He moved to the window, his hushed footfalls drowned by the roar of the ticking clock, and stared past his reflection in the dirty glass to the street below.

Her fingers trembled as she covered her mouth. Was this the beginning of the end, then?
//

See how adverbs can get in the way?

Final thoughts:
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Overall, I thought this was a good read. I found the characters believable and well emoted. Trust the narrative--trust yourself--and you can make this an outstanding piece.

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to stop by and review this story.

I'm not quite sure if there's anything wrong with my paragraphing, as no one else seemed to see anything amiss. =) Yes, you're right - I suppose strictly characters should speak 'lumped' together, as you rewrote for me. However, I think the way I've done it flows better, and makes it easier for the reader to see the emphasis I'm trying to place on some more key phrases.

Also (and forgive me if this sounds a bit harsh), I really like the way I wrote this, and nearly every other story I've written; I feel like the way I've written it, it's a bit more emotional. I draw the words out because the scene of the story is drawn out; in other words, the syntax reflects the mood. In addition, the scene you provided was not at all the scene I wrote; I feel like you changed it significantly. I don't see my versions of Scorpius and Rose there, but yours. Forgive me if this sounds obstinate and stubborn, but I don't think the way I use the adverbs throughout the story detracts in any way. =)

Sorry if that sounded rude, I really to appreciate you coming and reviewing the story. I do trust myself as a writer and am dismayed you didn't see it come off that way, thanks again.


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Review #50, by kaileena_sands Second Hand Ticking

29th January 2011:
Hey, I just saw your "promo" on the forums and I decided to come and check out your story. And good that I did! This is an excellent one-shot!

I really like how you handled the whole situation. It was original and I find your characterisation of Rose, Scorpius and the adults very good. I also think that the reactions of Hermione and Ron are spot on.

Another good thing - your writing is excellent. All in all, great fic. Good luck on the challenge, I think your chances for winning are great!

Best,
Harley

Author's Response: Ahh, thank you for coming by and leaving a review! =) Hehe, I'm glad that little promo worked. XD Seriously, though, thanks so much for your compliments, made my night!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!


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