109 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Hippothestrowl Welcome to the Jungle

5th January 2013:
Good chapter. Well-written. Be interesting to see what happens next to Draco. You'll have to write faster - I'm catching you up! :) Looking forward to Harry, Ginny, Hermione, Ron, Luna, Neville bashing Scrimgeour, Snape, Draco, and Voldy! Well... I can dream can't I?

On the previous chapter fight sequence I yield the point. The vision in my head was of 10 or 20 Aurors plus Moody and Kingsley all pointing their wands at one man so the outcome was puzzling.

BTW the server or a connection crashed when I posted my original review for that so I had to rewrite it all. That might be why your response was rejected - there's probably a rogue empty review like a spanner in the works somewhere

Author's Response: Draco has a lot to do before he can ever come home.
yes I suspect you will indeed catch me up very soon. I am writing as I can, but with the holidays I had lots of family obligations etc. My oldest daughter is still visiting and she likes to use my computer all the time, but I am working at it.

Sounds like a nice dream, but I think I'm likely to let you down on those specific requirements. I am curious, of that list, what makes you see Scrimgeour as one of the bad guys?

I will look forward to your next. Thanks so much.


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Review #27, by Ranger Welcome to the Jungle

4th January 2013:
I keep hoping Draco will get what he deserves and will be eaten by sharks or some other similarly horrible death.

Author's Response: Not likely to happen in this story, Sorry. But, he is not having a very good time of it right now.
Thanks for reading and reviewing.


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Review #28, by Jeograph Ministry Mayhem

4th January 2013:
THIS IS A RESPONSE TO THE PREVIOUS REVIEW

Sorry for some reason the response button was not present for your last review, so I thought I would respond using the review panel. I hope you will see it.

To: Hippothestrowl,

All I can do here is try to address each point of your string of questions. I will make an assumption here if I am incorrect I apologize. But I assume you have never experienced any sort of actual conflict of this sort. I myself am a combat veteran and I can tell you in the heat of conflict even the best trained soldiers do not always do exactly as they ought. Why didn’t the Aurors cut Yaxley down in an instant? Well, one can only assume that like any police force they are not necessarily used to engaging in these sorts of battles as they really do not happen all that frequently. They did in fact get the upper hand but Yaxley was able to defeat them with one extraordinarily powerful spell, which Harry and Kingsley were just able to escape by casting shield charms. I take your point that Kinglsy should have just cast a spell when he yelled the mans name, but my assumption was that he was actually surprised by the man’s identity and may have thought that if he got his attention the whole conflict could have gone another way. After all at that point Yaxley was the last DE standing. It was a misjudgment on Kingsley’s part, but not an unprecedented one in such conflicts.
As far as Mr. Flemming goes I believe he is acting exactly in character if you manage to root out the literary reference here and let that inform your understanding of the character.
Sean Flemming is a combination of names, Sean Connery, and Ian Flemming, and the description of the man is almost directly that of the description Ian Flemming wrote of James Bond. Now, I am not in any way trying to write a crossover here, but it is a literary reference to another fictional world, and if you have any understanding of that world it should inform your understanding of who this character is and what he might be like. At the very least, though he is not James Bond, he is patterned from that mold. The name is simply a nod to that other work.
My take is sort of this. If the James Bond stories had been written based on real, Royal Secret Service agents, if such secret service existed Sean Flemming would be one of these guys, and he has been sent into the Magical world at the behest of the Prime Minister. After all, why wouldn’t the Muggles take the opportunity to gather intelligence, especially when the Prime Minister does not know, and is not being told by the Ministry of Magic, any particular details about what is actually going on in the Magical world. Instead he is being treated like a Muggle and is essentially being told, “Oh, not to worry, there is a bad thing happening in the magical world, and it may overflow in to the Muggle world, but we’ll handle it.” If I were the Prime Minister and was getting this sort of a brush off, but the concern was grave enough to warrant the placement of a Wizard (Kingsley) on my direct staff. I would seize upon any opportunity to send in my very best agent as well.

The conversation with Scrimgeour was intended to be much informed by that of HBP, with one very crucial difference. Harry is now ready to actually listen. Hopefully some rather interesting things will come from that conversation, one of them being an ongoing dialogue and the other being the formation of a Wizard Army, both of which are hinted at and will take shape in further chapters.

As ever I am enjoying your observations and comments. I look forward to more. However as the next chapter is a Draco chapter, I will anticipate a pre-stated lack of interest.
As always, thank you so much, and happy reading.

Author's Response: wkshodtyejaop

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Review #29, by Hippothestrowl Ministry Mayhem

4th January 2013:
Some interesting things going on here but the fight sequence just does not work. Why did all those trained Aurors not cut down Yaxley in an instant? Why did Kingsley shout "Yaxley!" when he should have shouted "Stupefy!" or some such and everyone else remained silent, pausing for dramatic effect and to give time for Yaxley to strike? The security Muggle reads like someone who routinely murders people and then grins about it instead of checking to see if the guy is dead, or needs help for his injuries, or indeed, is still a threat. He doesn't treat Yaxley as if he were a real person so therefore, I, as a reader, can't either - and the incident loses power and meaning.

The meeting with Scrimgeour was fine at the start but kind of duplicated what was at the end of HBP yet with Harry seeming to yield instead of resist. It also didn't bring out exactly what Harry could do for the Ministry or what the Ministry could do for Harry. Might be interesting to see what comes of that.

Author's Response: All I can do here is try to address each point of your string of questions. I will make an assumption here if I am incorrect I apologize. But I assume you have never experienced any sort of actual conflict of this sort. I myself am a combat veteran and I can tell you in the heat of conflict even the best trained soldiers do not always do exactly as they ought. Why didn’t the Aurors cut Yaxley down in an instant? Well, one can only assume that like any police force they are not necessarily used to engaging in these sorts of battles as they really do not happen all that frequently. They did in fact get the upper hand but Yaxley was able to defeat them with one extraordinarily powerful spell, which Harry and Kingsley were just able to escape by casting shield charms. I take your point that Kinglsy should have just cast a spell when he yelled the mans name, but my assumption was that he was actually surprised by the man’s identity and may have thought that if he got his attention the whole conflict could have gone another way. After all at that point Yaxley was the last DE standing. It was a misjudgment on Kingsley’s part, but not an unprecedented one in such conflicts.
As far as Mr. Flemming goes I believe he is acting exactly in character if you manage to root out the literary reference here and let that inform your understanding of the character.
Sean Flemming is a combination of names, Sean Connery, and Ian Flemming, and the description of the man is almost directly that of the description Ian Flemming wrote of James Bond. Now, I am not in any way trying to write a crossover here, but it is a literary reference to another fictional world, and if you have any understanding of that world it should inform your understanding of who this character is and what he might be like. At the very least, though he is not James Bond, he is patterned from that mold. The name is simply a nod to that other work.
My take is sort of this. If the James Bond stories had been written based on real, Royal Secret Service agents, if such secret service existed Sean Flemming would be one of these guys, and he has been sent into the Magical world at the behest of the Prime Minister. After all, why wouldn’t the Muggles take the opportunity to gather intelligence, especially when the Prime Minister does not know, and is not being told by the Ministry of Magic, any particular details about what is actually going on in the Magical world. Instead he is being treated like a Muggle and is essentially being told, “Oh, not to worry, there is a bad thing happening in the magical world, and it may overflow in to the Muggle world, but we’ll handle it.” If I were the Prime Minister and was getting this sort of a brush off, but the concern was grave enough to warrant the placement of a Wizard (Kingsley) on my direct staff. I would seize upon any opportunity to send in my very best agent as well.

The conversation with Scrimgeour was intended to be much informed by that of HBP, with one very crucial difference. Harry is now ready to actually listen. Hopefully some rather interesting things will come from that conversation, one of them being an ongoing dialogue and the other being the formation of a Wizard Army, both of which are hinted at and will take shape in further chapters.

As ever I am enjoying your observations and comments. I look forward to more. However as the next chapter is a Draco chapter, I will anticipate a pre-stated lack of interest.
As always, thank you so much, and happy reading.


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Review #30, by Hippothestrowl The Most Noble and Honorable House of Potter

3rd January 2013:
Firstly, let me say I'm pleased to hear you mention in a previous response there may be some Hogwarts time. I feel more at home there (even though some of my fics have travelled to other locations.)

I like the creaking step. I hate it when someone just turns up by amazing coincidence without a good explanation so this seemed very reasonable. Ginny would mostly be thinking of Harry quite naturally and keyed up to this opportunity if she was awake (maybe even if she was half-asleep!)

The manor scenario worked OK and was readable for me even though not a big WOW factor. I wouldn't want to read it twice though - big house and erm... an elf... in a big house. But I didn't skip anything. Promise.

One thing puzzles me. The doorknob thing is not what I expected. I thought it would be more independent like a portkey. So where's the security? I mean, what happened when Mrs Weasley went to get the bacon out of her pantry that morning. Didn't she say to herself, "Funny, don't remember my pantry being this big?" It can't be Potter only - or Potter with guest(s) because they all came through later with the elf. And suppose Scrimgeour or somebody pops in via the floo network into the Burrow while they're gone? Or Mundungus Fletcher? When they get back they may find all the silver gone.

Anyway, your Burrow kitchen is like my concept - back door, pantry door, door to living room (which I call parlour in my fics as it's more old-fashioned.) Sometimes I visualise a hallway with foot of the stairs in between kitchen and parlour. Funny that.

Author's Response: Yes, They will be returning to Hogwarts.
Hmm.. seems you are a tough one. I will have to eventually come up with an amazing twist or something to really get you engaged. Still, I love that you are reading the story.
Forgive me but I truly enjoy the irony of your asking me a question about a detail that was only implied. Okay, I am not asking you to go back and reread or anything, but, right before Harry and Ginny stepped through the door, while it was active and full of ribbons of light, Harry removed the Portis Omnibus and put it in his robe pocket. When they were in the new space and the door shut, there was no light effect, the implication being that the portal was no longer active. The entry security is handled by the combination or turns of the nob, which Harry got from the poem, and since he kept the knob with him, there was no risk of anyone accidentally finding an active portal.
Now, to the issue of Molly going in to the pantry. Well, this is really the missing detail, because there is no mention that she found the wooden nob sitting on the counter where Harry had left it. I did almost write this, but ultimately it is a very minor thing and I thought no one would notice. In fact, you are the first to notice, or at least to say anything. My own explanation for this omission is that The Burrow is not in the best condition, and the nob probably comes off on a fairly frequent basis, so Molly did in fact find the nob when she got up to start breakfast, but she just thought nothing of it. Simple I know, but it didn't seem worth a couple extra paragraphs at the time to explain.
Obviously then, when Jarvy returns to the Manor and brings the others he has the Portis Omnibus from Harry, but this detail also seemed hardy worth the words required to explain it.
The floo network is another discussion entirely. It is sort of a pet peeve of mine that JKR never defined it further. I have always imagined that there must be some way that a floo traveler can announce or even request to uses a private floo prior to travel and or arrival. And there must be some way to lock your private floo to prevent unwelcome arrivals, for the very reasons of the example you give. In my other story, (which I am not suggesting you read as I doubt you would be interested) I have the floo as lockable. Of course this creates some problems with canon. In CS when Harry arrives at Borgin and Burkes via floo I always assumed that Harry arrived at the nearest unlocked grate closest to his intended destination. But, this is just my assumption as the information in canon is not specific. His mispronunciation of "Diagon Alley" was clearly enough to prevent a solid floo journey to his intended destination, but it was not sufficiently like "Borgin and Burkes" to send him directly there without it being some sort of proximity. Anyway that is my take.
I do hope that answers your question.
I am pleased that we have a similar take on the The Burrow kitchen. Every once in a while I get so involved that I will actually draw out a floor plan of a structure I am writing about, but I have not yet done that for any of the structures in this story. I have come close for both the Burrow and the Manor, but no blueprints yet.
Well, anyway, thank you for reading and commenting, and as always happy reading.


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Review #31, by Hippothestrowl The Lock-Box

3rd January 2013:
The second half of this chapter draws more interest - more actual story. The leaf flutter charm is an inventive idea and the SPEW badge pin doubly strong because it impresses Hermione as well as being a useful, believable tool for the moment. The lockbox contents progress the story. I think that's the weakness elsewhere for me: slow-paced and lacking progression - too much routine background. Maybe I've read too many Potter fics but I think background story should be going on in the background as a 'given' while the real story, a focus of interest, continuously unfolds on top, eg, the lockbox opening is the story here, the tree house is background. So if this had only been a tea party in a tree house it would have been rather routine. I think I like the main young characters though - it feels like them.

Author's Response: Point taken.
It pleases me that the characters feel right to you, I am taking liberties with them of course so that they grow through the story, but hopefully this growth will feel natural.
I find myself anticipating your comments on the next chapter. It is admittedly background building in nature, but also foundational.
Thank you for all your time, reading and commenting.


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Review #32, by HowlnmadHowie Weasleys Reunited

2nd January 2013:
I wonder if you given thought to my suggestion of expanding your reader base. I confess I don't check HPFF as often as I used to since I came upon ffnet. But I do check in for the authors who still write here.
Anyhow it occurs to me I have to read back to remember whose owl Kyne belongs to.
I'm just curious, when I glanced at previous chapter the lirary Pixies were pink. The one turning pages for Dumbledore was blue. Are you suggesting the pixies of the library have different colors? Provided, of course, that they are actual Pixies but it's possible to suggest the blue is a cross between the pink and Cornish variety. I mean the Pxies from Lockarts's class were all blue. The only other explanation for the disrepency of color is that it reflects gender of the pixies.
The only other thing of note is that I would've expected Ron, Harry, and Ginny would have reveled to the rest of the Weaselys of the Quidditch pitch and equipment they discovered. If Harry is planning to update the equipment he should donate the older stuff or keep it in a collector's area in the Manor somewhere. Perhaps move it with copies of the photos to a Qudditch or sports entertainment room.
The last thing I wanted to add was that I would've thought Harry would've summoed Kreacher to the Manor to ask about the locket. But I suppose you want to address it later but best not put it off if Harry remembers Dung has been nicking stuff from Grimmauld Place.

Author's Response: I have considered your suggestion, I just unfortunately have not acted on it yet. I already have this story at three sites and the prospect of managing a fourth feels a bit cumbersome. However, I am considering abandoning one of the current sites as the updates are painfully slow.
Yes I am suggesting that the Library Pixies, if they are indeed actual Pixies, come in multiple colors (pigmentations) so far we have seen only two, one pink and another blue, we will likely see more of them in further chapters after Harry's Birthday.
As far as the Quidditch Pitch goes, it would be visible from the Manor patio so that it exists is not secret to the rest of the family. And I anticipate that the older equipment will indeed be donated, and or preserved once they update to new equipment.
And, yes, we will be getting to Kreacher soon.
Thanks for reading and commenting, and as always, thanks again and happy reading!


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Review #33, by Hippothestrowl Appenzeller, Gutzwiller, Lienhart & Prächt

2nd January 2013:
Another good chapter. May be an inheritance too far? He's already got an inheritance from his parents and from Sirius that is incalculable. Plus there's the inheritance that's gone to the Dursleys. Now another inheritance to top the lot many times over by the sound of it. OTT. The only thing of interest might be any extra goodies; the money isn't story-interesting for me at this point so I wish his grandparents had been poor and just left him some exceptional magical gift, a personal item, a moving message, etc.

Good riddance to the Dursleys anyway. I loathe and despise them for the abuse and torture they have put Harry through for sixteen years and am unable to care much for Petunia even if she is having a change of heart (after sixteen years?) I'd be happy to see them thrown into a dungeon forever for child abuse. Instead, they are rewarded for their evil.

That said, it is perfectly acceptable and even laudable to write about any aspect or change in the Harry Potter story and this writing is above average and very good (apart from things I've mentioned before like adjective listing - I really don't care that one of these legal guys has blue eyes or what pants he's wearing.)

The problem is that no matter how well written, readers have different values and interests. So I love some of the chapters but others are mixed or soso not because they are bad but because they are not my kind of story. I hate shopping so a shopping trip is boring to me. Fashion is boring to me. I hate Petunia. I hate Draco. I'm not interested in giraffe diseases or chamber music or the wheat production of Kansas in the 19th century so I hope there are no chapters about those. That's how it is. ;)

What I am saying is that this is not a criticism. This story is in some ways one of the best-written fics I've read. It's what it is writing about that varies the interest and enjoyment for me. For anyone who loves good Draco, money, good Petunia, fashion, (Muggle) shopping trips, etc. this is perfect. Chapters 2 and 3 are probably my fav chapters so far.

I have this bookmarked so will keep reading - but it is competing with a lot of other stuff!

Author's Response: Thank you!
A very fair assessment. I completely understand. If I were writing this story for publication I would edit out tons of material, probably better than half because it feeds Fanon and not necessarily the plot. I have found that many, many fanfic readers really crave all the little details, because they want to know everything there is to know about Harry Potter and the world he lives in. So, I am knowingly guilty of creating a detailed and expanded Potterverse for this story to exist in, which as you know now includes things like juxtaposing Diagon Alley, in one chapter, with a Muggle shopping center in another. I can completely understand, particularly for the more discerning reader that this can become cumbersome. However, I would argue that the majority of readers I run in to here are simply soaking in the detail. If you were to read reviews I think you would see the same. It is a Fanfic and so it is admittedly indulgent. That said...

The money is not going to be the important aspect of Harry's further inheritance, Harry already does not care about money. And, you are past dealing with the Dursleys! there may be a reference to them later in the story, but you'll like it, I think.
Hmm... giraffe diseases, chamber music and 19th century Kansas wheat production... Maybe I'll work them in just as a nod to your beautifully illustrative list. (Just kidding!) Your point is well made and understood, and may actually inform some of the new chapters. I have long anticipated that once I get them back to Hogwarts the story would come much more into focus.
I do appreciate your high praise and I hope you will stick with the story, your observations are quite valuable.

Thanks again for reading and commenting, and as always, Happy Reading!


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Review #34, by Hippothestrowl Alert and Alive

2nd January 2013:
Interesting but feels like a separate story - which it is. Also, hard for me to relate to because I don't like Draco. :(

Author's Response: I don't normally like Draco either. I cringe when I see all the Fan fics that center around him, especially the ones that feature impossible pairing like Dramione fics. So I set out to strip him down and rebuild him. to do that he has to be set outside himself. I know that it amounts to a separate story, and from your comments that is obviously a technique you do not approve of, but it will all come back together eventually. And hopefully, through the process Draco may be transformed in to a character that is actually likable. Anyway, that is the goal, but I am not one to try to compress the complexities of a story into a few paragraphs, so it will take some time. It has to, in order to be believable.
Thanks for the comments and the reading!


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Review #35, by Hippothestrowl Muggle Shopping

2nd January 2013:
Interesting chapter but a lot of over-detailed routine stuff and Petunia is hard to believe.

Author's Response: Sounds like I am losing you... I understand that for some people it is just impossible to see any of the Dursleys as characters capable of anything other than the pettiness of their small lives.
Thanks for the comments. I am glad you are still reading!


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Review #36, by Hippothestrowl Diagon Dalliance

1st January 2013:
Very interesting chapter. But who set up the account? Not Dumbledore. Not Sirius I don't think because he would not know about the Dursleys taking in Harry. Remus was always skint - but maybe that's why he was skint. Peter Pettigrew out of guilt? Only Hagrid and McGonagall really knew about the Dursleys originally. Can't see either of them having enough dosh. Snape? He might have an interest in caring for Lily's son but I don't think he ever had much money either.

Author's Response: A very interesting question, and astute considerations. The answer will come soon enough, and I will be curious as to your reaction.
I do hope I have you hooked by now and you will continue with the story. Thank you so much for all the comments! See you next chapter, and looking forward to it.


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Review #37, by Hippothestrowl Life and Learning at Privet Drive

1st January 2013:
The whisper was a great idea. Petunia? I almost felt sorry for her until she realised how much money there was!

Author's Response: Thanks for continuing with the story.
When I originally wrote all of this there was a fairly large argument with a couple of reviewers about the whole issue of money and the Dursleys. Just made me understand how wide the differences in character interpretation can go, and how passionately some people feel about the issue of "abuse" in the Dursley household. Hopefully as you read more chapters everything will fall in to place.
Thanks again and Happy reading!


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Review #38, by Hippothestrowl Draco Displaced

1st January 2013:
Nicely written but we're in a completely different fantasy here without foundation or connection.

Author's Response: Doesn't it connect directly to the prologue? This is uncharted territory with little or no foundation in established canon, so you may have to bear with it till it starts to make sense. The whole idea is to put Draco completely outside anything he knows. Trust me, the parallel stories will eventually come together.
Thanks for the read and the comments, hope you are still enjoying.


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Review #39, by Hippothestrowl Privet Perplexed

1st January 2013:
Very good chapter. The letter to Ginny was very moving. Dursleys' behaviour intriguing. Maybe a tad too much fine detail, e.g., open and close every door, 2 mins in microwave, but not too serious.

Author's Response: Thanks, I am definitely guilty of going into detail when I write. I actually edit quite a bit out of initial drafts. It is an uphill battle for me as I personally enjoy fine detail. You should have seen to architectural detail that got cut from the original first chapter. You'd have blown a gasket.
Still, you seem to be enjoying the story overall and I thank you for that.
Thanks again.


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Review #40, by Hippothestrowl A Little Advice

1st January 2013:
Another well above average chapter. Dumbledore sounds like Dumbledore. I think though, he is so polite he might use a ruse to send away R & H by saying things have changed and would they double-check the train again? Look for anything out of the ordinary but don't arouse anyone's suspicions with too many questions. Harry rises to go with them but D says no as he's not a prefect and it would attract attention. Once outside, Hermione drags Ron to end of the train where Fawkes came. Ron says what you going this way for? H says, D'uh! D knows we'll have already checked the train. He just wants to talk to H privately. This is where I'd put the first kiss with H taking the initiative. But if you really wanted to stay Harry-centric then this would have to be implied on their return.

'petite, boisterous, quick-witted' is adjective-listing like the catwalk again only this time it's a CV. Just use one there and slip the others in elsewhere if they are really needed. Now the next-but-one para described Harry's view of the different aspects of Ginny and this works perfectly to bunch together a lot of stuff about her without being an obvious author's list.

"Harry?" Dumbledore reminded gently. - I love this stuff; just how JKR writes, simple but spot on.

Dursley's should be Dursleys', where Dursleys is the plural that Dumbledore uses later so he can't be wrong!

A gem of a chapter with attention to little details! The frog card adds another dimension and I really, really hope that Harry and Ginny get together or can keep in touch. Not perfect but close to the look and feel of the original works by JKR. I think I'm starting to fall in love with this story and I've never said that about any other fic. :)

Author's Response: Thank you, very high praise I must say, thank you for that.
As far as your comments on how you would have done things differently, all I can say is, I will write as I feel the scenes and hope at least to be consistent to my characterizations. I hope my interpretations don't put you off.
I will go back and correct the misused plural.
Thanks for your comments and thanks for reading, I will definitely look forward to your comments on further chapters.
Happy reading!


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Review #41, by Hippothestrowl Beyond Friendships & Chocolate Frogs

1st January 2013:
Technically well-written, flows along nicely and is comfortably readable. I really like some of the ideas expressed and the simple words chosen so carefully (grabbing Ron's free arm ... She pulled him into motion.) Only another writer probably notices these things. But repeating that phrase soon after is bad. Except for emphasis or dramatic effect it's almost always best to vary words and phrases when they are within a few sentences of one another. Prowritingaid is good for spotting these and it's free - and I'm sure you already use a thesaurus.

I didn't quite feel the Ron and Hermione getting together thing quite worked for me - it felt staged, contrived like you want them to have 'the big kiss scene'. Firstly, blushing is overdone in Potter fics. I know because I probably overdo it in my own stories - it's an easy way to convey character embarrassment. But mainly, I don't think Ron would propose a romance to Hermione so formally, especially in front of Harry. Who knows? Maybe he would do the awkward scene.

I agree they could be holding hands spontaneously from comforting one another at the funeral and that they might pull apart, embarrassed when Harry pointed it out. But then I'd like to think Ron, after a minute or two would again take Hermione's hand in his left hand and place it symbolically in his right, look Hermione in the eye, and say something like "To hell with Harry," and nod at her questioningly and she would smile her agreement back. That's a powerful proposal. Maybe she would hug him. I don't feel they would snog right there but would grow together more naturally without any formal declaration and a kiss would happen more spontaneously, probably when they had more privacy. That's my take anyway in that situation.

Heartbreaking for Ginny to begin to reach out to Harry then pull back. There is other subtle, well-observed behaviour like that - such as when she shakes her head not saying 'no' but shaking herself free and diverting to another topic of conversation. But 'obviously avoiding eye contact' is ambiguous and might mean 'it's obvious why she avoided eye contact.' I think better might be, 'her avoidance of eye contact with Harry was obvious.'

Clothing is, at first, mentioned minimally as part of the action (good!) but then Hermione emerges and it starts to read like a catwalk commentary (though not as bad as some fics!) Avoid! Do it more subtly, maybe via Ron's thoughts or just leave it out.

The idea of the card base was brilliant - but I got the early impression from words like 'bit' that it was a piece of broken pewter so got confused later when talking about 'the base' and had to re-read that section, so it kind of spoilt it... a bit. Oh yeah, the only grammar error: Headmaster should not be capitalised when used generically.

Very good chapter. I'm back in the Potterverse! Don't know how I've missed this story before because I look for canon relationships, etc. set in Hogwarts era as my fav.

Author's Response: Thanks, and welcome back. I am pleased that you seemed to enjoy the chapter, I hope you will continue to appreciate the story.
I do not have much to say about your comments on the Ron/Hermione scene, except to say that we all have slightly different takes on things and envision things differently... But then again that is part of the joy of fan fiction to see different interpretations. For my own part, I really like Ron, but I always feel that he, at least at this point in his characterization, needs a push to get him going. In this case he gets his nudges from both Harry and Hermione who know him well. I also felt it was quite natural for Harry to play a roll in this. But, that is my character interpretation and I think perhaps, for my story it is most important that I treat the characters in a consistent way that is my own.
I am glad you like the card base, I was rather pleased when I came up with it. Hopefully I have peppered my story with lots of little items meant to enhance Rowling's magical world.
I am happy that you have discovered my story and I will look forward to reviews eagerly.
Thanks again, and welcome.


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Review #42, by Corleone Weasleys Reunited

30th December 2012:
love it so far keep up!

Author's Response: Thank you! I do hope you will keep up with it, and keep commenting.
Happy Reading!


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Review #43, by Hippothestrowl Wrath of the Dark Lord

30th December 2012:
Excellent writing and a promising start. From the warning, I had feared it might be an indulgence of torture but though powerful it was well controlled and restrained.

Author's Response: Thank you. I do hope you will continue reading and comment on chapters as you proceed. It is wonderful to hear from new readers. Thanks again.

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Review #44, by FriendofMolly Weasleys Reunited

30th December 2012:
Jeo,
I love the surprises you keep coming up with. I do have a question, though. Why did you have the Weasleys check Charlie for proof of who he was, but not Percy? If there is anyone the DE's could send in to "infiltrate" the Burrow, it would be the estranged, but now "I'm really sorry" son. Otherwise you gave us some very subtle hints as to what is going to happen next. As always, loving it. Just keep writing.
FoM
ps I hope your holidays have been Great!

Author's Response: Hmm... Well, they verified Charlie's identity because his arrival was unexpected and he was coming from what is essentially now enemy territory. Percy on the other hand was coming in response to a Patronus message, and works for what they now believe is a secure Ministry. Further, he launched right in to his speech, and the speech itself served to verify his identity. No DE attempting to impersonate Percy would make an attempt to deliver such a "telling" speech. So, I felt that what he had to say served as verification enough. There is also that he showed up with Penelope, though I get that, in such a scenario she could have been a DE too. Anyway, the point is, the Weasley's know their family and I felt that by the time Percy was done no verification was needed. I hope that answers the question well enough?
As always I appreciate that you take the time to comment, and that is just the sort of observation I love!
Thanks so much.
JEO

ps: X-mas was fine, I hope yours was truly wonderful as well? And, HAPPY NEW YEAR!


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Review #45, by seekers_destiny Weasleys Reunited

30th December 2012:
The invitations and impatient owls were an amusing introduction to the chapter. Charlie's sudden reappearance was interesting and I hope we learn more about the two new characters. It was also interesting how things were following the pattern of canon but in other countries this time (and also reminded me of Hitler a little again). The old Quidditch equipment and the game of tag were a nice diversion. Harry's curiosity about bonding was intriguing and made me wonder if he is thinking ahead about Ginny and himself. I also enjoyed the return of Percy and he was as long-winded as I expected but the twins nearly followed suit. They ought to be more careful! (just kidding)

I loved the last line: What ever can we do about the twins?

She could mean that in many different ways but getting them paired off would not be the first to occur to me.

I only found one this time:
casing him up around one of the towers
chasing him up around one of the towers

Author's Response: As always, thank you and I will make the correction.

I am glad you liked the opening with the owls. I introduced Kyne as a new owl in this story and it wouldn't do to have no mention of him again. And Don't worry, you will learn more about the Burgestikoffs, Helena is destined to become a Weasley obviously, and I introduced Alex for a specific reason, so you will definitely see more of her. (And, the similarities to Hitler are not at all lost on me.)
I really wanted a playful diversion in the chapter so the Quidditch filled that bill nicely, I am glad you enjoyed it. Harry will probably donate all that old equipment to the Quidditch Museum when it is all updated.
I am not going to say too much about bonding here as it will come up again certainly in the chapter with Bill and Fleur's wedding, and I don't want to say exactly where Harry's curiosity will take him. Let's just say it was establishing information for the whole concept of "bonding" for the story.
Yes, Percy can be a bit long winded! It was fun to write his speech, I just sort of let myself rabble and didn't edit it too much. Also, I enjoyed letting the Twins respond.
So, I am curious... about the last line... What was the first thing that occurred to you, if not a reference to getting them paired off? I know Molly could be thinking several things, but given the context, I was thinking about finding them wives. What were you thinking?

Thank you so much for your comments!


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Review #46, by HowlnmadHowie Hermione’s Happy Place

17th December 2012:
If you want to expand and renew your reader base I suggest Fanfiction dot net It has a large Harry Potter following there and gets about as much updates there than here. You could get your 15 chapters here and up and over there easily.

Author's Response: Thanks, I will consider it.

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Review #47, by HowlnmadHowie Hermione’s Happy Place

15th December 2012:
That's...alotta rooms. But surely it's more than just sleeping quarters that make up for said rooms. That bit with library was awesome though. I gotta wonder what kind of creature the library pixie was. I'm sure Luna will love meeting them.
Now, having the wedding at the Manor, I knda expected as much. See, this means the Ministry can't crash the wedding. But..ah, are you going to have Muriel there? Nightmare, that one is!
Least I can safely imagine Moody won't go dying in a sky battle this time 'round.
Keep up the story, looking forward to getting back at it.

Author's Response: Yeah, the Manor is a big place, and we will be seeing more of it as time goes on. Glad you liked the Library Pixies, we may yet see a time when Luna gets to meet them. Perhaps she'll know exactly what they are.
I realize that having the wedding at the Manor is a tad predictable, but it should also be loads safer, and yes, Aunt Muriel will be invited.
No worries about losing Moody just yet, at least not in the same way as it happened in DH. I am not saying one way or the other, except that there is a war on and people will die.
The next chapter will be up once the queue reopens after Christmas. Hopefully I will have a couple of chapters to post back to back by then.
Thanks again! and Happy reading!


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Review #48, by HowlnmadHowie Welcome to the Jungle

15th December 2012:
Ah, at long last...I had thought you had abandoned this. I'm glad to see it's back in progress. It's sad to see Cissy not staying with us for this story though.

Author's Response: I got sidelined for a while, but never intended to abandon the story. Now it is just a matter of attracting some readers back.
Sorry about Cissy, I know it would have been fun to see her in the strange village, but it really was necessary to further Draco's growth. Hopefully her passing was handled with enough care to excuse me.
So very glad to have you back! and thanks for the comments.


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Review #49, by seekers_destiny Hermione’s Happy Place

12th December 2012:
I loved the ending. For a moment, I had thought you'd have Ginny get jealous when she "caught" Harry and Hermione together but she was too observant to fall for the obvious conclusion. It was amusing that she assumed Ron had done something to upset her. I also liked the whole library scene, it reminded me a bit of the similar scene in Disney's animated "Beauty and the Beast". The pixie was a very interesting touch for that scene.

I was surprised by the reactions of Hermione's parents but like Harry and Ginny, I think they put out an ultimatum that they won't be able to carry on for a long time. They expected her to give in but if she doesn't show any signs of that after a while, they will start feeling the pressure to be the ones to give in.

I like the developments for Remus/Tonks as that has always been a pairing I enjoy even if they don't get featured much. Remus even fits in to the "Beauty and the Beast" comparison I made earlier.

errata:
She was starring out the window
She was staring out the window

Albus Dumbledor
Albus Dumbledore

Fleur Delacore
Fleur Delacour

wherever there was?
wherever there was.

you don’t want Mom thinking you’re steeling all her youngest
you don’t want Mom thinking you’re stealing all her youngest

a smile creped across his lips
a smile crept across his lips

Author's Response: Thanks once again for a wonderful review. I am so glad you liked it. I am walking a tight rope with Ginny. She is after all sixteen still and she is apt to be very protective of her relationship, on the verge of jealousy, but at the same time she knows full well that none of these women are a threat. And it just seemed logical to me that if Hermione was in tears she would assume her brother had done something stupid.
I will have to get out my DVD and re-watch "Beauty and the Beast" I have a vague recollection of the Library in that movie, but it has been years since I last watched it. My kids have grown and no Grandchildren yet, so I guess I haven't had an excuse... But then again, do I really need one!?
The thing with Hermione's parents just seemed more realistic to me than how it was handled in DH, and sure they will probably come around, but right now they are frightened for themselves and for their daughter.
With Remus and Tonks at the Manor we will likely get to see a bit more of their relationship as well. I intend to treat it much as it was in Canon.

Thanks as always for noting corrections. I have re-posted the chapter with some new editing and I specifically looked for those things.
Thanks again. Next chapter should be up soon.


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Review #50, by seekers_destiny Welcome to the Jungle

2nd December 2012:
The forums here seem determined to keep me out. If you want to, you can get in touch with me through SIYE.

I had almost forgotten about this story but it was a very pleasant surprise to see it again. I like the test Draco is going through and he just might pass it if he gets over being so stubborn. I really liked that he got a chance to fight for his mother. Also, the flashback to his childhood gave some interesting background on Draco and his mother. Given the attitude of her sister, it was interesting to see how different Narcissa saw things.

Snape is as enigmatic as ever. I'm surprised that Voldemort would commit so many forces to take over another country (or at least Beauxbatons) when he has yet to secure his own. This reminds me a bit of what led to Hitler's downfall. Early success made him overconfident and he overextended himself and Voldemort seems ready to follow in those footsteps. At least Hitler was smart enough to secure his own country first. Voldemort isn't even bright enough to do that.

The jumping around in time was a little disorienting at first but in a way it simulates what Draco is going through so it works in that way. Overall, it was a very effective chapter and I'm still looking forward to more.

errata:
Draco laughed out load
Draco laughed out loud

Around his waste as a belt from witch Draco could see
Around his waist as a belt from which Draco could see

He scrapped at the leaves
He scraped at the leaves

walked into the river up to his waste
walked into the river up to his waist

an imagine he had not expected
an image he had not expected

Author's Response: Thank you for the wonderful review. As always, I have made the corrections. Thanks for that BTW, I am working with only a single beta reader at the moment and he is more about content.
I am very glad that you didn't completely forget about the story!
I am perhaps taking a generous view of Narcissa, but I like the contrast to her sister that it creates and I also like some of what it sets up for the Malfoy household.
The comparison between Voldemort and Hitler is fair. You may see more of that as the story goes on.
The jumping around was, as you suspected for effect so I m glad it wasn't too much.
Thanks so much for the review and I will look forward to your comments on the next chapter. It is nice to know there are still a few familiar readers out there!
Thanks again, and happy reading.
Next chapter should be coming quite soon.


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