Oooh, what a charmer Mr. William Weasley is! I like how this story has such a fairytale feel to it, it's lovely to read.
Looking forward to your updates :) 10/10 xAuthor's Response: Thanks for reading this too after "Bend or Break"! I'm glad you're liking Bill (though "charming" isn't something I would use to describe him - at least in Fleur's case :P ) Report Review
Ooh, this is exciting! First off, I'd like to say that I don't read many stories like this at all (no Voldemort but same world) simply because most of the ones I read I found to be really same-y and, well, full of cliches. However, this doesn't seem like it's going to be going down that route at all, which is so good!
I love Bill - he's so adorable! And such a believeable kid - I can imagine a small child doing that, crying that it wasn't his fault and running away, you know? It fits. Also, I thought the point about his having to be responsible was really good - he seems pretty responsible in the books, and I can imagine that coming up as a recurring theme. Although, maybe not. I don't know! :D
The idea behind it is amazing. I know you said you got the idea from a book series, but series are often so hard to transfer into the HP world, so kudos to you for that. Ah, it just seems so interesting! I really don't want Bill to die so young, but I know he will... and I want to know how Gabrielle and Fleur fit into it... I could try and guess, but I'm not going to coz that would spoil the fun!
Ah, so exciting! And, just as a side-note, I totally agree with you about 'Growing Up Weasley'. It's so good!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Yay! I'm glad that you're liking this so far! This is different from my other stories in that it's primarily written just for fun - not that I don't have fun with my other stories but just that this is PURE fun :)
I loved writing Bill! I've totally had my moments there as a child and it was kind of easy to put it on him - we're both the eldest.
I'm glad that this is translating well for you. The books are so funny and fun (Julia Quinn's Bridgerton series) that I'd recommend reading them for light summer beach reading or if you just need something that's nice to read.
I will forever admire TenthWeasley for that story. It has made the Weasleys so much more real and close to me! :)
Thanks for this!
xChar Report Review
Hey Char! I'm here with your requested review :)
So this looked really interesting right from when I opened it to the main story page, and after reading the chapter, I can definitely say that I'm interested. You've created an interesting combination of ominousness and humor here, and it definitely makes me want to read on (when it's posted, obviously) and see what is supposed to happen to Bill when he turns thirty and how Fleur and Gabrielle will factor in.
The chapter has a light feel to it for me, even with the dark tone toward the end of the chapter, and I think it's really impressive that you were able to keep that even with the foreboding revelation that Bill experienced. I thought the little sequence with Bill trying to get the ice cream as Charlie destroyed it little by little was very amusing, and I felt bad for poor Bill as he kept running into one problem after another.
I have to admit that the flow of this chapter was a little disjointed for me. Sometimes I felt like you took a lot of words to say a simple thing, which is something I'm sometimes guilty of as well (for example, 'the bowl that had somehow made its home' could be something like 'the bowl sitting perilously'), and I think trying to rephrase some of it could reduce the awkwardness with which it reads. I noticed a few other places where the tenses between the subject and verb do not agree (such as, 'the parts not covered with paraphernalia was') and some places where you put a comma after the dialogue when it should have been a period (when the word following the dialogue was not a speaking word or action). This is all very tiny stuff, and while I don't think you need a beta necessarily, it probably wouldn't hurt just to get someone to look over it quickly (maybe from the Quick Betas section) just to point out all the little stuff I haven't narrowed in on here.
I thought your characterization was lovely, and overall, I'm impressed with the piece. You can feel free to re-request for later chapters if you like. I hope this review was helpful :)
-AmandaAuthor's Response: OK, let me admit that I wrote and posted this in a rush. It so isn't my normal quality in terms of grammar and spelling so please don't judge :/ I will take a good look at these parts and maybe get someone to look it over like you suggested!
I'm glad that the ominousness and humor work and I want to maintain that balance throughout the story. I want the fluff but I also want something to ground the whole story so it isn't just brainless, you know what I mean?
I really loved writing that part about Bill and Charlie! Thank you so much! I think I'll head over to your queue again when you've got a spot free (and I've got another chapter posted :P )
xChar Report Review
Hi! Here with your requested review :)
Your summary is very interesting thought provoking, I just wanted to lead off with that, you did a brilliant job with it. We clearly know from canon that Bill and Fleur get together, so it really instantly got me thinking as to what part Gabrielle will be playing in this.
One thing you asked was if it caught my attention and from the first part of the story in Fortescue's, it did. Maybe I just have a soft spot for reading kids having to deal with their little siblings, (I was the oldest, I know how those ice cream incidences go :p) but it was so adorable, and just how little kids are. But as I continued reading I was very drawn in to his behavior, and of course Babbling Belinda's prophecy. I don't read much Bill and Fleur, but from my initial take on this it seems very interesting, and an original plot.
Leading into the next thing; the fluff is there-- you've presented it in a way that isn't overbearing, but I still found myself going 'aww' when Bill was brooding about Charlie. So, in with your question, yes, fluffy, but still well written :)
--He didn't say anything though, just glared up in defiance at his.." :I'm not going to copy over the whole part but I think you should break it apart into two smaller sentences instead of having it be one long one. Other than that everything punctuation/grammar-wise looks fantastic.
I love how descriptive your writing is. From describing in detail the imagery of the bowl clanging to the floor in the parlor, to the look of Belinda, it made everything so real.
I'm very interested in where you are going with this, especially because your author's note mentioned 'no Voldemort'.. Again, a very intriguing start to this. When you get the next chapter up please re-request!Author's Response: I'm so bad at summaries so I was very happy to read that didn't do badly at it! :) yay on being interesting enough to want you to read the story!
I really liked writing the kids, despite the scare that Bill got, the ice cream parlor was one of the funnest scenes to write in a while.
I'm glad that you thought my writing was descriptive. I definitely want to work on that and improve as much as possible so this is good to hear.
I will definitely be editing this chapter at some point in the future because I was in such a rush to write this that I have so many grammar and spelling errors (so many meaning more than like two).
I will be coming back to you when the next chapter is up! Thank you so much for this review! Report Review
This was really interesting! I've started becoming interested in stories centered on the Weasley family lately, so I enjoyed this quite a bit! Little Bill and Charlie seem so cute :) You captured the mentality of a young child well, and the flow was very good. I like how you added the little reference to Molly being pregnant with Percy :)
I'm interested to see where this story goes! Judging by the description, I'm assuming it's going to jump forward a bit and connect with the Delacour family somehow. Looking forward to seeing what happens with Chapter Two!
Also, poor Bill being told such a terrible thing so young! :(
BriAuthor's Response: I'm glad that I captured the young'uns so well! I enjoyed characterizing them so much! There will be a time jump on this but hopefully not too jarring. You are so cute to be checking this out! Thank you so much! You brought a smile to my face! Report Review
For a first chapter I think this was a really good one. You gave the reader just enough information to catch their attention and get them to want to keep reading. I really liked the first sentence, it really draws the reader in.
I liked the ice cream scene with the boys, it reminded me of an incident with my own little brother. When we were little I was watching Tv in the living room and didn't realize that my little brother had snuck into the kitchen and was eating ice cream. When my mom came down stairs and caught him in the act i was blamed for not being responsible enough to have noticed him in there and stopped him. I didn't run away though as bill did but I did try to mail my brother off because I was so mad.
I really liked this first chapter and can't wait to see what you will come up with next. Hopefully you will re-request me when you have more chapters up.
Great job.Author's Response: Lol, I think all us older kids definitely experienced something similar to Bill here. What is it with us getting the blame for something our younger siblings do?
I'm glad you liked this and I'll definitely get back to you when the new chapter is up! Report Review
Really, really, really good! :) I caught just a couple spelling mistakes ("litle" > little), but nothing too major. I love Bill so far :) You characterized him so well! Your description of his sibling rivalry with Charlie was great - you captured the feelings so perfectly. And I know it's hard sometimes to write little kids - especially as the main character - but I think you pulled off young Bill well :) Oh, and Charlie is precious, just saying. I'm really happy how Molly and Arthur turned out too; they're so close to canon, it's great! :) Babbling Belinda freaked me out. You painted such a vivid picture that I could almost smell the stench and see her ugly, gnarled hand reaching out for him...ahhh! :P And omigoodness, the prophesy! Incredibly creepy o.O Anyway, excellent job! Can't wait to see what happens next!Author's Response: Yes, it's true, I had more than a few spelling mistakes in this chapter. I was so caught up in my muse that I didn't take the time to go back :( Thanks for pointing out the "little" mistake.
I'm glad that I got the brotherly spat done right. Charlie really is precious and I'm glad that you're liking the characterisation. I did enjoy writing Babbling Belinda, she's all the bits of rejected attributes for cozy warm grandmas.
Thanks for this review! :) Report Review
Ever since Charlie had been born, Bill felt like he’d been relegated to the background. His mom never had time for him anymore. When he tried to climb up on her lap, he'd find Charlie already there. It was always Bill who would be in the wrong, just because he was older.
^ AW. First child syndrome. My sister always felt like that apparently. Well, she still feels like that apparently and she's pregnant with her own child right now and 27, way older than me. But apparently, and this is all according to scientific research, that the second child is the one that has to overcompensate more than the first child because they feel like they can't have the same connection to their parents like the first child so many of them like to go towards jobs that are geared towards social aspects that would put them in attention.
Not that that has anything to really do with this but that's what that portion reminded me of. Oh, science!
I thought this was a great first chapter. I'm actually not a Dramione shipper but I love the Weasley's! :D So, this is a great story for me. I don't like Fleur though...everyone portrays her (in my mind) really annoying. She's always snapping and snobbish. But I digress (enough it seems).
Babbling Belinda was awesome by the way.Author's Response: =) thank you for the psychological breakdown of what is happening with Bill. Boy, I've been there for a little bit as the older child. I hope you did well as the second child! :)
I'm glad you like the start of this, it isn't much yet but I have the second chapter already written! I think you might like my Fleur. I can't do snobby either unfortunately. I kind of want to like my characters, at least my main characters.
I'm glad you liked Babbling Belinda. I like writing crazy o.O
xChar Report Review
Hi! Here for the review battle!
First off, what a first sentence! I'll use that in the future; tell the reader that the hero is going to die and they'll be straight in!!!
First nit picky thing:
'Sitting on his knees and leaning halfway across the table, he stretched with his spoon to dip it into the golden bowl that had somehow made its home right next to the happily slobbering two-year-old'
I think this sentence is too long. Maybe it would read better if the sentence went something like:
'Sitting on his knees and leaning halfway across the table, he stretched with his spoon to dip it into the golden bowl (which had somehow made its home right next to the happily slobbering two-year-old).'
The brackets just break it up a bit more without changing the meaning, I think.
This is the other little thing that I spotted:
“Bill!” His mother’s voice crashed through the silence. He looked up to see his mother slowly advancing on him, hindered only a little by her pregnant belly, anger clear in her brown eyes.'
I don't think Diagon Alley is ever silent, and you've already said that Florean and Molly are talking not far away. Also, you repeat 'his mother' twice, so maybe it should say something along the lines of:
'“Bill!” His mother’s voice crashed through the air. He looked up to see Mrs Weasley slowly advancing on him, hindered only a little by her pregnant belly, anger clear in her brown eyes.'
That's just my opinion of course!
Other than those little things, I love this story, the quality of the writing in general is really really good and your characters are so vivid and interesting and believeable, and I cannot wait to see where your are going to take this. It's wonderful because there aren't very many stories about the Weasley family before Ron and Ginny came along and especially ones that focus on Bill. I also can't wait to read more about Charlie, because I feel he's a little underloved because of his lack of romantic inclinations. Well done! A great start!Author's Response: Ok, I must admit that I was in a bit of a rush when I wrote this and I have a lot more typos than I normally do which you didn't even mention! I'll take a look at what you pointed out above but just so you know on silence point, the crashing of the bowl created that silence. Like you know in the middle of a cafeteria and some kid drops his tray? Everyone's attention is riveted to him.
I definitely plan on including all the rest of the family and possibly writing their own stories as well!
Thanks for this review! Report Review
This is off to a great start! I love how you took Anthony's story and made it decidedly different and unique while still being recognizably based on Anthony's. Characterization looks good so far, though of course he's still a kid. I can't wait to see how you do the Delacour girls! I adore the Bridgertons, I think you captured Julia Quinn's style well here, and I love a Bill/Fleur. Really excited to see how this story progresses.Author's Response: I really do appreciate you taking the time to leave the review in addition to validating it! (THANK YOU btw, but I still can't believe that I was a bit of an idiot about telling you it was up)
I'm glad that it's different because I didn't want to just copy-paste the story. I saw another one of these Julia Quinn tributes on this site and it's basically the same story with different names which I do NOT want to do!
I hope you like what comes up with the rest of the chapters!
xChar Report Review
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