Reading Reviews for Beneath
134 Reviews Found

Review #26, by ladyrae youth

2nd April 2014:
Oh such much wow. Narcissa is a total psychopath.

This chapter was a little marred by the fact that I read it on April Fool's Day and the site was changed, but I didn't want to wait to read it, so I had to read about Salami having feelings for Rainne and Peanut Butter having Jelly help them. A bit odd, but worth it to read it quickly.

I'm definitely conflicted about the Ben situation. On the one hand, he met this great girl, fell for her, and then realized that she came with so much, and he can't really deal with it. On the other hand, she needs him/someone. I find myself kinda wishing he was more like Pettigrew and then I'd expect him to maybe run scared, but I don't know about Ben. It'll be interesting to see how this new death affects them, and how Sirius takes the fact that it was his cousin.

Can't wait to see Remus' opinions. I may love that character too much. I think they could bond a lot over their issues, and that could seem to be the more apparent threat to Ben (and Sirius). Even their fighting shows how may secrets they already share and how alike they are. I could see Ben finding that more threatening than Sirius trying to stay away.

Anyway, can't wait for the next update. Wonderful chapter!

Author's Response: Oh wow that must have been a very interesting read. I kind of wish I'd seen that.

That's honestly exactly how I feel about him too. Recently I've been thinking of revamping this story and actually replacing him with Peter, but if I do it won't be until I'm completely done with it. And I probably won't want to then.

You have some really interesting views on the characters --that may or may not be accurate, I won't say!

Thanks for leaving a review. Hopefully the next chapter will be up in about a week. Can't wait to hear your thoughts on it!

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Review #27, by luciusobsessed youth

31st March 2014:
Hey it's luciusobsessed! For some reason my full review didn't post which is super annoying but here it is!

Omg I knew something was going to happen to her grandpa! I just didn't expect it to be Narcissa. Probably because I've written a fanfic on her and Lucius and see them in a different light. Silly me! But a lot of people envision her differently so it's interesting reading her from other people's perspectives!

But poor Rainne, now she's lost all her family, and on Christmas too :( I swear Ben is such a jerk, who says that when their girlfriend is in trouble? Sirius needs to punch him already.

I can't wait for the next chapter to see what happens with Sirius I'm dying!!

Author's Response: Wow that's weird. Glad you remember what you posted!

This was planned from the beginning but from the start I felt awful about it. I almost cried when I wrote it, I'm so terrible to Rainne! As for Narcissa, sometimes I think I make her too harsh, but others I don't. There's a reason she married Lucius and a reason she stayed with her family and their beliefs, so I think when she was young she was probably a bit careless. Then when she got older I think she realized exactly what her family's beliefs entailed and maybe started to regret some things. I don't know that's how I see it!

I am just such an awful person. Everyone hates Ben though, I think it's kind of funny. I mean, he's a guy, guys don't usually deal with tears very well! He's lived such a comfortable life that anything this dark is a shock to him. He just doesn't relate to Rainne's pain so he doesn't know how to react to it.

Sorry it's taking so long for me to update, I'm having a bit of trouble writing a certain scene. Anything formal just burns my brain, I can never figure out how to portray it! Hopefully I'll have it up within a week or so. Can't wait to see what you think!

Thanks again for reviewing!

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Review #28, by luciusobsessed state of dreaming

31st March 2014:
I love the length of this chapter! I wish all your chapters were this long but you do update pretty quickly so I can't complain!!

I like how Lily knows about Remus. It makes sense honestly because she's the smartest one.

I honestly don't like Ben at all he's a jerk. I mean just the little things he does shows he doesn't care enough about Rainne. She's so eager to let him meet her family and he doesn't even try. Ugh when is Sirius going to punch him in the face already?? He's so annoying honestly.

I can't wait until the ball. I feel like something serious will happen between Sirius and Rainne. Once again serious/Sirius haha. I love those jokes!!

You did a wonderful job with chapter, I can't wait to read the next :))

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry it took so long to respond. Wow a whole two weeks. I'm terrible.

From now on I'm going to try and make the chapters longer, so they may be posted a bit less frequently.

I love Lily and Remus's relationship. I feel like they just look out for each other. Don't be too eager to push Ben under the bus! He really does mean well, I promise.

I'm not completely sure what all will happen at the ball. It was kind of a spur of the moment decision so I don't have anything planned for it. I'll probably write as I go, so expect some random twists! Or random dullness, either one!

Thanks so much for your reviews. And again I'm sorry it took so long I promise it won't happen again!

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Review #29, by luciusobsessed do i wanna know?

31st March 2014:

Okay so I burst out laughing in the beginning when Sirius wakes up with a "wazgoinon" idk why but that was so funny to me.

I can't even think right now because Sirius actually confessed I KNEW IT THIS WHOLE TIME YES! I've been team Sirius/Rainne all this time but now it's officially official!!

Btw when I read his confession I reacted by screaming and yelling holy sh** and my cheezits fell out of my mouth haha gross TMI! Lol so unladylike!

Author's Response: I knew you would love this chapter! Haha I loved writing it. And I can just imaging Sirius waking up looking half drunk and slurring his words. He's definitely a deep sleeper.

I love how excited you are! I've been waiting a long time to post this reveal. And honestly that reaction is probably the best I'll ever get. Be as unladylike as you want!

Can't wait to see what you think of the next chapters! Definitely some big events coming up...!

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Review #30, by luciusobsessed ribs

31st March 2014:
Wowowowow I have so much to say about this chapter!

First off I love the therapist, and more importantly, the diary idea. I know people who have gone to therapy and they've gotten journals so that was a very realistic way of trying to get more in touch with Rainne's character.

Ben is dumb. He shouldn't just give her space he should chase after her and prove to her that she's never going to lose him. Sirius wants to but idk why he doesn't. I LOVE RAINNE AND SIRIUS!

Next chap!!

Author's Response: Yay! Glad you like it! I love hearing your feedback, you're always so excited! I want to post a separate fic with just Rainne's diary entries, but the site rules don't allow it. I think it would be interesting though.

When it comes to Ben, he's just in brand new territory. It's kind of like fight or flight mode, and he just kind of panicked and decided not to confront the situation. And Sirius, loyal as always, doesn't want to step out of line with Rainne. He wants to make sure he can keep his friendship with Ben.

Thanks for the review, you're the bomb!

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Review #31, by ladyrae state of dreaming

31st March 2014:
Love! And of course I want more frequent chapter updates, but in reality, I think I'd prefer the longer chapters further apart.

I'm just wondering if anyone is going to suggest to Rainne that she could wear long gloves to the ball? Can't wait to see what happens. And also, why is Ben being weird?

Author's Response: Yay! And noted. I think I am going to start writing longer chapters, but hopefully I can still update somewhat frequently. I'm glad you're liking the story!

I think that Ruth's main goal is to help Rainne overcome this fear that everyone is going to leave her. She's trying to help Rainne be honest with everyone else, so I don't think she would suggest a way to hide herself.

As for Ben, I think he's just starting to realize how much baggage Rainne has. He doesn't really know how to handle it. It's one thing when she runs out because her grandmother died, that makes sense to him. But when she runs out for no reason -and then runs away from him deliberately? That's mind boggling to him, he just doesn't get why she's behaving that way.

I'm excited to see what you think of the next chapter. It just posted!

Thanks for leaving another review, you're awesome!

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Review #32, by Fiendfyre727 do i wanna know?

28th March 2014:
Sirius/Rainne all the way

Author's Response: You must have liked this chapter then! Thanks for reviewing :)

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Review #33, by rikki do i wanna know?

26th March 2014:
This story is amazing please update!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! The next chapter is in the queue, hopefully it'll be up soon. Glad you like it :)

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Review #34, by ladyrae do i wanna know?

23rd March 2014:
Great chapter, though I think it's pretty cruel to leave it on a cliff hanger like that. I'd like more insight into Sirius' mind so we can see how he made the jump to love so quickly. Personally, I'm not sure if I ship Sirius/Rainne or Remus/Rainne, but I'd really like to see what Remus thinks of her "appendicitis" and her reactions to him being a werewolf.

Amazing chapter. Please update (with a longer one) again soon!!!

Author's Response: Aww, I'm sorry! But don't worry, the next chapter is the longest yet. It's a monster. Over their Christmas Holiday you'll be getting more insight into Sirius and Remus and their take on Rainne's 'incident' and such. So that will be in the upcoming chapters. I'm almost done with the next chapter, and hopefully it makes up for this short one. Thanks for leaving a review! :)

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Review #35, by LightLeviosa5443 do i wanna know?

23rd March 2014:

That's 100 characters of yes. Because, yes. Like. OMG. Best chapter yet. Sirius. And Rainne. It's gonna happen. It has to happen. I will cry if it doesn't happen because Ben kinda sucks and Sirius is just awesomesauce.

I loved the way that he sprinted past everyone and acted all calm and normal around Rainne then sprinted off again. I loved the way that the guidance counselor handled herself.

And I love the way that he just blurted everything else.




Write 27 now, please. :)

xoxo Sarah

Author's Response: Hahaha. I knew you would love this chapter! I've got 9 hours left at work, so don't you worry, I will get 27 done.

I love Sirius. He usually doesn't care what anyone thinks, but that's changing. *excessive eyebrow wagging*

Ben doesn't suck! He's just not right for Rainne (pretend I didn't say that). He could never understand what she goes through because he's had such an easy life. He can't imagine dealing with her pain, it's just not something he thinks is possible.

Okay I'm going to go finish 27, just for you! :)

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Review #36, by LightLeviosa5443 ribs

23rd March 2014:
Dude. Dude. Dude dude dude dude dude.

Like, what even is this? I can't. I love this story so much. I loved this chapter. It's super rainius-licious too! (sirianne?). I really loved the way she just sat there in the room, and didn't say anything. It was just so perfect and believable. I loved how excited she got when Lily was being all friendly with her and how excited Lily was too. It was great.

I also really loved the way that she panicked the second the ball was mentioned. I didn't even think of that, and at first I was confused why she would panic. I kind of rolled my eyes when Ben started to chase her, but then I was a little disappointed/happy that he walked away. One, because he wouldn't be able to get her to open up, I think only Sirius could. Two, I ship sirius/rainne now. Thanks :P

I'm terrified to read chapter 26. Especially with the way this one ended. Sirius is so cute.

xoxo Sarah

Author's Response: Hi.

Haha I am grinning from ear to ear. My coworkers are gonna think I'm crazy. If you think this one is... sirainne-ius(?) just wait until you read the next one! Trust me it's good. You'll love it.

I think it's only natural for Rainne to panic when anything involving social interaction is mentioned, but especially when her secret could be revealed. I was sad when I wrote Ben walking away, but it had to be done. It wouldn't fit for him to understand her and would only create tension between them.

I hope you're reading 26 now. You're gonna freak out!

Haha thanks for the review girl!

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Review #37, by LightLeviosa5443 born to die

19th March 2014:

I could've sworn I r&r'd this chapter. But apparently i didn't, because it says that i didn't. And I don't remember anything. And now I'm mad at myself for not doing it earlier. Hit me next time I don't r&r a chapter within a day of it being up (no but really tell me, just keep nagging me).

Um, I love this. I love that she questions Remus and he gets so mad that he just gives up and tells her that he's a werewolf. I love how shocked she is. I love how genuine her friends are, and how everyone is insisting she eat.

I love Sirius. OMG. Like. I ship Sirius/Rainne so hard. SO. Hard.

I'm terrified for what you're going to do in oncoming chapters.

But I love this one. You're awesome.

xoxo Sarah

but yolo cause we're awesomely adorable.

Author's Response: Hey girl.

No worries. Like I said, you don't need to review every chapter (but it's totally awesome that you do!). I'll just bug you every time I update haha.

Yay I'm glad you love it! I just wish 26 would post so you could read it and your jaw could drop. In a good way! Shocker, right? Lol. These next few chapters are kind of the calm before the storm, so enjoy it while it lasts... ;)

We're cute and awesome. And I can't wait to hear what you think of the rest. And to read MLS. EP.

Okay bye :)

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Review #38, by anissamalfoy tears and rain

17th March 2014:
Hi, there! I'm here with your requested review :-) Yikes, I'm so sorry it took me so long to review. I got really caught up with graphic making D: Anyways, I was really surprised when I realised that I was the one who made you a banner for this story! Coincidence? :P

Alright, enough chit-chat.

This is the first time ever I read a Marauders era fic and let me tell you that I'm so pleased with your story so far. I'm sooo blown away ! I love Rainne (very pretty name, by the way!), because somehow she kinda reminded me of myself from years back (social anxiety and a little self-harming. But let's not go there, shall we?). The way you write is just beautiful. I notice you use a lot of choppy sentences and tbh, I'm usually not really a fan of that. BUT, your story is definitely an exception and imo, that's what makes your writing style unique :)

and omg, the tiffany's box is like a plot twist to me. When I made your banner, I was like 'oh it's probably a gift from the guy to the girl'. I never thought she would keep her blade there D:

Overall, really impressive work!! You deserve a pat on the back :) Feel free to re-request although, I'll most likely review your story again without you asking me so cause I'm so hooked with this story :P


Author's Response: Hi! Definitely not a coincidence, I was too curious to see what the artist that made the AMAZING banner thought of the story ;) And don't worry, I've been really busy too, I know how RL can get in the way!

Ooh how daunting, to be someone's first Marauders era fic! I'm glad you liked it, I don't want to turn you away from the era! Tbh I haven't been through what Rainne has to deal with, so it's good that for someone that can relate it seems real. Though I'm sorry you've had to go through that!

I know, I'm always afraid the choppy sentences will turn someone off, but that's just kind of Rainne's thought process. It's like her short breaths when she's nervous. I'm glad you liked it though!

I read somewhere online about a girl that keeps her blades in a tiffany's box, which actually kind of inspired the whole story. I just think it's so sad that something meant to hold something that brings happiness holds something that brings so much pain instead.

I'm so flattered! Thank you for your kind words. It really means a lot. I'll definitely be back to re-request. I can't wait to see what you think of the rest of the story!

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Review #39, by LilyLou born to die

15th March 2014:
Hi, Keyty dear!

Another wonderful chapter! I cannot wait for more! When is Sirius going to admit to Rainne that he knows? WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO FALL IN LOVE ASDFGHJKL; I'm shipping Rainne/Sirius all the way!

Can't wait for more! Update son!


Author's Response: Hi!

I love that you're shipping Sirius/Rainne. I think you're going to LOVELOVELOVE chapter 26 (which should be up sometime today). I can't wait to see what you think of it!

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Review #40, by luciusobsessed born to die

14th March 2014:
I love love love it!! It's amazing!!

I'm so glad you used the counselor idea! It helps a lot with characterization and the unconscious coming into light.

I loved the encounter with Remus and Rainne. Although I think a longer conversation after his werewolf confession would have been really interesting as well. I'm sure you will get to that more throughout the rest of the story.

I love how Sirius is mentally struggling with telling Rainne he knows the truth. I want to see more of that and I can't wait for him to confront her.

Can't wait for the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for the late response!

Yayyy! I'm so glad you're liking it. I can't wait to see what you think of her scene with the counselor. It's not unlike Andromeda's in DBDL (like my little abbreviation there? lol), but Rainne is definitely more hesitant at the start, which is expected.

We will definitely see more of Remus and Rainne talking about his lycanthropy in the future. Now that they're on good terms they'll actually be talking! Who wouldda thought? Haha.

As for Sirius... just wait and read Chapter 26 (which, if the queue stays the same, should be up sometime today!).

Can't wait to hear what you think of the next chapter ;)

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Review #41, by True Author numb

8th March 2014:

This was a really great first chapter! This story seems a little intense and you handled that really well here. It's a bit hard to write such kind of stories and you're doing a great job even here in the first chapter. :)

Rainne is a beautiful name (and so is the chapter image!) She seems like an interesting character here and you are doing great with the characterization. Her emotions were vividly portrayed and nicely phrased. I really liked that!

Lily was so so understanding! It was very clever of her to invite Rainne to the party. I hope it turns out well for Rainne!


Author's Response: Hi!

Sorry for the late response!

Sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed by the content of this story, so I'm glad it doesn't come off that way! Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so glad you like my first chapter!

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Review #42, by lindslo2012 summer mood

6th March 2014:
Hello again!
Here for another requested review.
Poor Rainne once again... I hate that this happened to her and still want to give her a big ol' hug!
I loved the pool party idea and that she was including into the group without anyone being rude to her in any way. I liked the chapter alot!
No CC from me! :D

Author's Response: Thank you for getting to this so quickly! I'm glad you liked the chapter. And yay! No CC! c:
I can't wait to see what you think of the rest of the story. I'll be back to re-request, if that's alright with you! :)

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Review #43, by LightLeviosa5443 sugar we're going down

5th March 2014:
I'm a terrible person because I've read this chapter like eight bajillion times, and I haven't reviewed it yet.


This chapter is so short. It actually isn't, but it feels like it. Becuase I want more more more more more!! Write more!! Wow, that's a scary little section of the review. Let's just forget that happened.

My favorite part of this entire chapter was probably the scene with Mitzi, I saw your post about your inspiration for Mitzi and I thought that it was great. She's super cute and believable and I just want to find her and give her a super huge hug.

I wish that they weren't lieing about the fact that Sirius found Rainne. She should know that he saved her. And she should tell her friends. At least Remus. Oh Remus. I love Remus.

I hope the next chapter has some more of their reactions and what-not! I can't wait to see what she comes up with as an excuse, what she does to cover up, and how Sirius reacts to that.

Lovely job on this chapter.

xoxo Sarah

Author's Response: Don't feel bad! I don't want you to feel obligated to review every chapter! It's nice, but you don't *have* to do it :) That's awesome that you've read it more than once though c:

I love Mitzi too. She'll be great in the future! She wasn't in my original plan for the story, but I'm happy I decided to include her.

I think you'll like the next chapter quite a bit. It doesn't feature everyone's reactions, but it does feature a scene with Remus! But remember, Rainne needs to take her own time with everyone, so be patient with her.

Thank you as always for taking the time to review. You're the bomb-diggity!

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Review #44, by Julia numb

2nd March 2014:
Well, first off, as a person who suffers from social anxiety, you nailed it down pat! I like seeing a different spin in OC character perspectives; this one I can relate. I just want to say I'm impressed with your ability to express such feelings in your character. I know from experience that not everyone understands when people go through and suffer through these things. I just want to credit you with appearing to have a good grasp on it.

And heck, that's only the first chapter! I'll continue reading...

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! This is the first feedback I've gotten from someone that can relate to Rainne's social anxiety, I'm so glad that it seems real [and I'm sorry that you have to go through that :(]! While I'm an introvert, I don't have this much trouble speaking to people, so I wasn't sure if my portrayal was accurate. Thank you so much for your kind review. I can't wait to see what you think of the rest!

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Review #45, by academica summer mood

28th February 2014:
Hey, I'm back -- again, from Review Tag :)

It's interesting to watch the interactions between your characters. They're not quite natural, but I think the stilted sort of feel really builds an intriguing structure into the story. I'm not just talking about Rainne--it's obviously why she isn't smooth in peer interactions--but also about Lily and her conversation with James. Still, she and the others have a sort of system that works for them. It's bizarre to watch Rainne try to fit into that system; I keep getting "Carrie"-esque feelings. (Hope it doesn't go that way, goodness!)

I think part of the stilted feel comes from your writing style. It's very minimalist and different from what I would do, but I like it. I think it captures the disjointedness of Rainne's personality.

The little bit of imagery you do include is great, like Lily mimicking the results of the accident to get through to James and the way you describe her laying around and tanning.

Great work!


Author's Response: Hi! Good to have you back!

I'm glad you feel that way -- at the beginning, I kind of want things to be disjointed. Especially with Rainne, but also with everyone else. They feel awkward about what's happened to her, and don't know how to carry themselves. I actually haven't seen Carrie, but I don't think that it takes that kind of turn!

I've never been very good with imagery, so I'm glad what little I include is good. I'm happy you like it so far. Thanks for reviewing again :)

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Review #46, by lindslo2012 numb

27th February 2014:
Hi keyty!
Here for your requested review.
So I just want to drop into your story and hug Rainne. Her name is beautiful by the way!
I was very intensely hooked to your story in the beginning and that didn't change throughout the whole thing.
I was quite surprised that she was a muggleborn witch actually because I kind of was getting the vibe that she was a muggle until the sentence about her parents.
I feel bad for her grandpa, or grandparents as well that they were so sweet to take their orphaned granddaughter in and she reacts like this. Probably making their household a particularly difficult place to live.
I was so excited when she saw Lily on her walk. Lily is so sweet and that was thoughtful of her to invite Rainne to James' party. I am kind of nervous now though of how everyone is going to react. Great job on a start of an intense story!
Please come back to re-request!
Until next time,

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I'm blushing!
I think that Rainne leads a very magic free life outside of school. Since she is a muggleborn, she doesn't witness magic except when at Hogwarts, so it would be understandable for her to seem a muggle at first glance.

I feel awful for her grandparents too, it must be so heartbreaking to deal with somebody so troubled. But that's what they're there for, and they will love her no matter what.

I'm excited to see what you think of Rainne's relationship with Lily and the Marauders. I think you'll like it.

Thanks again, I can't wait to hear more from you!

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Review #47, by luciusobsessed sugar we're going down

25th February 2014:
Let me start off by saying I love the lyrics for this chapter, one of my all time favorites. I also love Mitzi. Here I was thinking it was Sirius or Ben or someone who would make it a romantic notion, and the fact that it's not just makes me really happy. It's more than that, it's about one creature caring for another. So pure and kind, and it makes me think of Dobby and now I'm going to cry. I loved this chapter. It was short but it said a lot. I'm interested to see how her friends will all react and what she will say to them, especially Lupin, and ESPECIALLY Sirius since he's the one who found her. So excited. I can't wait for the next one, please update soon!


Author's Response: I know, right! FOB is my all time favorite band. I've been looking forward to including their music in a chapter. I told you in my past response that Mitzi's bit was inspired by a post. Here it is:

"House elves finding blades/razors/etc and leaving nice little notes to the owners telling them that they’re beautiful

House elves figuring out which students aren’t eating and gently leaving small treats near their beds

House elves having a stash of chocolate/comfort food for students when they have anxiety attacks or breakdowns

House elves taking care of the students"

It's from a blog called hiddenhogwarts. It's pretty neat, I recommend checking it out :)

Even though a lot of the plot revolves around Rainne's love life, I don't want that to be the only thing we see in her life. I like showing her friendships and relationships with people that aren't a boyfriend or potential boyfriend. I'm glad that you like that, because I'm not always going to focus on the romance :)

Next chapter features a pretty intense conversation between Rainne and Remus. I wonder if you can predict what goes on? I'm almost done so it should be up within the next few days (as long as the queue is decent).

Thank you for your review! You rock!

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Review #48, by ShadowRose numb

23rd February 2014:
Hello, darling! I'm here from the forums with your requested review! (never mind that it's about a month late... yikes, sorry about that.)

Okay, so right off the bat, this is definitely an intense story that deals with a wide variety of issues. Rainne's emotions are so vivid in this story, that I already feel immersed into her world, which is quite a feat in just a little over 1000 words. I think your writing style here helps that point tremendously. The short, choppy, loaded sentences help make a strong impact and provide a great deal of insight into what's going through Rainne's mind. The scene with the doctor is written fantastically, because you can definitely see where both characters are coming from, as well as Rainne's disdain for the doctor - which is something very real when working with mental illnesses. Her behaviours here are very believable, and interaction feels realistic.

I do particularly like the part about her bracelets - I think it's really a sign of how much Rainne wants to be happy, but feels that even if she was, it would just be a cover for the scars underneath. It's a really beautiful metaphor, even though it's just a few sentences.

I really think her interaction with Lily was great as well - it was interesting that is started with Rainne's insulting herself, and Lily thought is was aimed at her. After what we know has already happened with Snape, I can't imagine that Lily wouldn't immediately assume the slur was aimed at her. Watching Rainne try to interact with Lily was heartbreaking - it definitely showed some of her social anxiety well, in that she was stumbling over her words and felt uncomfortable and wanted nothing more than to escape. Once again, I think it was a really great portrayal of a very real problem. It's crazy that Lily doesn't recognize Rainne, but given that Rainne definitely seems like the type to keep to herself and not talk to anyone, it is somewhat believable - especially after a summer apart.

It's good that Lily invites her somewhere - I'm assuming Lily and James are already on good terms at this point? I'm not sure Rainne as intentions of attending, but it's a good start. I can definitely see Lily and the Marauders being a good influence on Rainne, although Rainne also has some problems of her own to work out first. It'll be interesting to see her backstory fully exposed as the story goes on.

Okay, this is actually really random, but I LOVE that this story is written in present tense. Sometimes present tense is a bit tricky - I believe I've heard someone say that "when done wrong, present tense feels much like being hit over the head with a book repeatedly," but on the contrary, I think it works absolutely perfect here. It makes her emotions seem much more real, and everything feels like it's unfolding right in front of the reader, rather than occurring in the past or in some far-off place. I think I may have lost track of where I was going with this, but yeah, I really love the present tense.

As for your concerns of it being too dramatic, I don't think so at all. You're discussing very real problems that, at their core, have some deep consequences and meanings. The dramatic effect is what makes them seem real. If you used the same dramatic style to write about some trivial, melodramatic problem, it woule be different, but due to the nature of the story, I think it works perfectly.

What a great start you have here! Feel free to re-request for the next chapter - I swear it'll take less than a month this time! :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for your detailed feedback! And don't worry --I've been really busy, so I can definitely understand why it took you so long! Sorry for my delayed response!

I always worry that her emotions won't be believable. I have depression, but my condition is nowhere near this severe, so sometimes I feel like I'm overdoing it. It's good to know that it seems realistic! That's always one of my biggest concerns with Rainne.

I know that Lily forgetting Rainne can seem unrealistic, but this is something I have experienced from Rainne's point of view, so I know it's possible! Some people can be very skeptical about it, but I'm glad you understood the situation.

I'm so happy you like my use of present tense! At first it was tricky to stick with it, but now my problem is the opposite. I was just writing a scene in past tense and I kept reverting to the present. And those were exactly my intentions when using it -I want everything to be more immediate to the reader. When I read stories in past tense I sometimes feel like everything is very far away and sometimes even unimportant. I am kind of starting to wish I had done first person, but I like that I can easily show everyone's point of view this way.

Phew! I am always so concerned that I'm being too over the top because, again, I'm not 100% sure what would be realistic. I can guess to some degree, but never to the full extent. It's really reassuring that you don't think it's too dramatic!

I look forward to hearing more from you! Thanks again for your amazing review :) And take all the time you need, I'm in no rush!

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Review #49, by luciusobsessed gun

20th February 2014:

So when I saw this chapter wasn't over 2000 I was super depressed. BUT IT WAS SO GOOD. There was so much action that was written concisely and to the point.

First I was sure that Sirius was the one who stole the box and wrote that note. I wonder why the spelling was like that. It was obviously done on purpose and after going over it a few times I thought it was cute. I don't know if it's Sirius, I'm just guessing so because I'm obsessed obsessed OBSESSED with him. I hope it's him.

But I don't know because when he found her at the end he said he should have put the pieces together, which I guess means he didn't know about her cutting? I don't know, it's driving me crazy but I'm sure we'll find out the truth soon enough.

Anyhow, I'm so so so glad it was Sirius who found her. I feel like his affection for her will deepen. I'm totally over Ben and shipping Sirius/Rainne. I love them together, they're both so dark and damaged and they'd be perfect for each other.

Please hurry up and update I'm dying. Okay maybe not dying but completely and irrevocably desperate beyond humane measures.

Oh and thanks so much for the shoutout! You are amazing :))



The chapter was quite a bit longer before I had to edit the suicide scene out. But as Sarah pointed out in her review, I think this version is better. It leaves more to the imagination (for now) and, in my opinion, makes things a bit more dramatic.

The box thief will be revealed in the next chapter! That whole bit was an idea inspired by a post on tumblr, actually. It was quite cute. I'll tell you what it is after you read the reveal, if you'd like. But I know how you feel I am so obsessed with Sirius. Kind of a problem tbh.
I don't want to spoil anything in terms of who you're shipping! Eep, no comment ;).
Right now I'm just waiting on my betas to give me some feedback and then 23 will be up! I'm so pumped to hear what you think!

Thank YOU for leaving so many amazing reviews! You're awesome! :)

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Review #50, by LightLeviosa5443 gun

13th February 2014:
FIRST! I think, unless someone beat me to it. But I hope I'm first. I'm gonna type super fast so I can for sure be first.

Wow. I'm obsessed.

Oh my god I love this story so much. I shouldn't be saying that during this chapter, but I already knew what was going to happen because I read the other version. This is definitely a change, but I don't know, I kind of like it. It's got more of an impact this way, in the other one you were mad at her, in this one you just feel really bad for her. You're more worried. I think this ended up being more powerful.

Maybe the change was for the best then!

I can't wait for the next chapter, I want to know how you're going to put what's going to happen next, and all of that interesting stuff. Obviously she's going to miss classes so people are going to know SOMETHING is up, I just want to know how that'll be handled. And the blood and the blades on the floor, are the girls going to come in to those?

OH MY GOODNESS IMAGINE THAT. Well, then she'd certainly have even more explaining to do. Sirius and Rainne though, I think I might be starting to ship them more than I'm shipping Rainne and Ben, and I know that's bad but I just can't help it.

Anyways, this chapter was fantabulous(really shouldn't call it that considering it's contents) and I can't wait to see what you're gonna do next (I should be afraid, shouldn't I?)

Poor Sirius, he should've seen the signs. Oh no, how is Remus going to take it. Because he DID see the signs!

xoxo Sarah

Author's Response: Gah I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. RL has been super hectic. But thank you for your amazing review! Eep!

I'm glad the change was a good one. I think I like this version better. Less is more, you know? I do wish I could have shown her regret, but it just didn't work with the guidelines. We'll see it soon enough though!

I don't want to spoil anything! I'm in the midst of writing the chapter now, and I have a rough idea of how everything will go. I'm a little foggy on a few details, but I can sort those out later, I think.

I don't think you should be TOO afraid. Though I will be pulling some [female dog] moves in the near future. Ugh I feel awful but it's so necessary for her to grow! And for the good things to be possible!

Anyway, I'm excited to see what you think of the rest, as always. Thank you so much for your detailed feedback. You already know it means a lot. Okay I'm going to get back to writing now! I'm excited!

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