Reading Reviews for Clash
  
284 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Roisin Descend

13th October 2014:
Hello!

Yay, after so much nitpicking and crossings out, here I am to actually talk about the substance of this chapter!

I really loved Draco's pov at the beginning. It was a really clever voice to use to introduce the climate at the time (also, the edits were all great - I feel like a got a lot more information out of this chapter). It was also smart to show Scorpius', like, happy family. It kind of puts Albus and Rose back into perspective. And the thing about the house elves was really, really poignant (that Draco almost loved them, that they were happy and had agency), considering he'd grown up seeing Dobby get abused. It was subtle, and not overplayed, and accomplished a lot. Plus, there was this cognitive dissonance about Draco I really liked, how his positive qualities (genuine respect for, and empathy, with Harry; seeming regret that the reforms stopped) seemed like the were leaking out, and his negative qualities (saying 'mudblood'/'filthy Potter-loving generation') seemed more like affectations.

I also loved Scorpius' voice in the next section. He has a sort of refreshing wit and cavalierness you always bring in at the right times. I loved the 'f- sh- up" and "demanding ahole" bits a lot! And the whole conversation about Rose was really brilliantly loaded. And then "muggles are clever, aren't they" kind of DESTROYED me. So great!

I can't exactly explain why, but Albus' heroin use is just such a powerful image, and sort of haunting. Also, him and Scorp were super Homes/Watson there!

The scene at Gringott's and then St. Mungo's was also excellent. The pacing worked really well, and the visual details were really nice. Also, I loved 'flame-ravaged.' AND 'LITERAL BOY-WHO-LIVED!'

'she picked up her wounded ego and slipped away' - also loved that.

Guh! And the thing about Albus transfiguring an apple into *something* before it bursts is REALLY unsettling!

'Murderous men. Weeping women. Beaten boys. Grimy girls' - let me commend you on the least whimsical alliteration I've ever seen! And just all of the language in the Little Norton section is tremendous. (It kind of reminds me of Slab City, actually. I mean, Slab City has folk artists and hippies who give it a cute quirkiness, but it also has a really terrible dark streak, and some super nightmarish aspects).

And something I was thinking about - Rose can be very sort of *obedient* to Albus. I think a lot of that has to do with all of that really grueling and abusing training she got from the Head. I mean, she /used/ to stand up to Albus. Anyway, I just want to commend you on the subtlety of the evolution of that.

And I really like the additions to the "proffering jackets" scene! Definitely a big water drip - Rose starting to think the Head has the right idea (especially after Draco's POV earlier). And then Albus making sure she got his jacket.

'Did you think I would hurt you? When youve proven so useful to me?' OUCH. Also, I'm trying to figure out what, specifically, that !shattering! thing Scorpius figured out was!

'their leafy wings brandished' - another line I really like. Just a nice/unexpected adjective and verb choice.

And I loved what you added about Rose, and her enjoying the thrill of attacking people alongside Albus.

All and all, I think this chapter set up a lot of tensions, and introduced a lot of issues, and I can definitely see how its building to some really major stuff. Gah! I hate how HPFF is so serialized! If this were a physical book, this is not a chapter I would have stopped after! Can't wait til the next!

I developed a pretty shattering fan-theory reading this, namely, OH GOD IS HUGO GONNA DIEEE??? All of this stuff has happened because Rose wanted to protect him, and here, we see her selling out her morals for him. If he ended up dying anyway, GUH! (Obv I don't actually expect you to reply to this with spoilers).

And THANK YOU SO MUCH for your kind shout out in the A/N!

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Review #27, by insomnia Explore

12th October 2014:
Good i can have a sleep now but naa, still waiting for next update. This simply a work of art

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Review #28, by greenphantomme Explore

6th October 2014:
This story just gets more interesting! So much is happening and the relationships between people are so dynamic and descriptive. Also delightful to give this review some delicious alliteration! I really want to know what happens next, so enjoy college and in those sparse and brief moments of free time I hope chapters slowly get written :) Also, (just because I'm curious) how many chapters are you anticipating this story to be - or how long if you don't write story plans? Is this like a quarter of the way through - half? Less?

Cheers and happy writing/studying!

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Review #29, by MargaretLane Him

6th October 2014:
Hmm, it seems as if Harry wants Albus to be prepared for future Dark Lords. Four seems young to be told stuff like that, but I am guessing Harry has his reasons.

And now I have sympathy for Albus too, with the stuff about nightmares haunting him.

It's only seeing your portrayal of Albus and Rose as being at loggerheads with each other that I realise how often they are portrayed as best friends. I've done so myself. It's interesting to see such a different portrayal of their relationship.

And YIKES, Albus is starting to sound a little like Riddle with his comments about how teachers were easy to manipulate.

I think the way you write this story in flashbacks really does work, as Rose and Albus are clearly very different people from those they are usually shown to be. And of course, they barely appear in canon, so these characterisations are quite possible. But I think it adds interest to the story to see them as such unexpected characters and then work back to show how two people raised by the parents we knew they had would turn out that way. Focusing on specific moments that led to them becoming the people they eventually did seems more effective than doing it chronologically might be.

Their parents were killed? Poor, poor Rose. To lose her parents and almost her brother.

I really wonder what happened to kill the trio.

And she and Albus WERE friends her, despite the divisions between them. I can't blame her for wanting to save her brother.

And I find the comment in the previous chapter about how she'll understand how people could reject an orphan when she has her own kids. I would have thought it would more be the opposite - that once one had kids of their own, they would find it more difficult to imagine people rejecting children for any reason whatsoever, let alone something that isn't even the child's fault.

But then again, that guy may have said that for effect and not because it's what he really believes.

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Review #30, by MargaretLane Her

6th October 2014:
OK, I really didn't expect this beginning. Rose in prison, the last witch in the world. I really wonder what is going on here and how all magical people have been wiped out. Does this mean Harry, Hermione, Ron and all Rose's cousins are dead?

I'm not halfway through the first chapter and already I have questions. That has to be good.

You've written "this did not stop me from lates nights". I presume you mean "late nights."

OK, we're a long time into the future, if there was a war between the magical world and the Muggle one fifty years ago. So that may explain how so many of the canon characters would be dead.

So she was orphaned by the age of 15 and her brother died too. Poor, poor Rose.

I still don't fully understand what is going on here. Obviously she got in trouble with her own people as a teen, after her family died, then it sounds as if war broke out between the magical and Muggle populations, possibly her fault in some way and most of the magical population died or went into hiding or something and she was arrested by Muggles. Whatever has happened, it looks like she's had a really tough time.

I'm guessing this Head is going to be the villain or A villain anyway. He seems frightening.

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Review #31, by Shinicha Him

2nd October 2014:
I really cannot understand what became of Harry ... I obviously don't know much yet, but for what reason did he torment persons on a regular basis ... what did he train Albus for, and who is reading his memories out of the pensieve. It couldn't be Rose, she seems to not know all the details the Pensieve apparently holds. But can Muggles use them? (as in Walter)

I think what happened to Albus is really horrible. I have difficulty to grasp his character, no matter how it was shaped by his past. I can't wait to get to know him better so that I will maybe understand him a little bit better. I'm also dying of curiosity as to why he would want to know to bring people back from the dead. It couldn't be "Tommy"? He doesn't seem to care for this kind of thing, although his mentions of Malfoy as a "pureblood friend" was somewhat worrying. So much confusion.
I also cannot wait to see what happens with Scorpius. Rose blamed some of Al's development on him, after all. Too strange.

Needless to say, this chapter was breathtaking and amazing.

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Review #32, by Shinicha Her

2nd October 2014:
Wow, that was a hard-to-digest first chapter. I think your writing is amazing - I especially enjoyed the imagined dialogues - it sets the mood right from the start. Your characters have so much personality already from so little interaction, which is really stunning.

And then the story. There are so many questions for now that I think I won't ask one of them - the story will tell me eventually. Im am intrigued by the fact that Rose did not admit to the statement, that there was no more magic in the world. I'm horrified by the thought that the characters I am yet to meet (like Albus) will be dead at some point in this story. I am infinitely curious about the mentioned war, and about what happened to Ron and Hermione. I'm also pretty amazed by the thoughts on magic and the desciption of the spell. So woah. Conclusion: Overwhelming and exciting.

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Review #33, by Sam Explore

25th September 2014:
This is an awesomely wicked story can't wait for the next update

Author's Response: Thanks! It's coming up soon!

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Review #34, by Gabriella Hunter Her

15th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with our swap! I have heard through the grapevine that is the archives that this story is pretty fantastic and I have to say that no one lied to me. Hahahaha.

So, I was completely blown away while I was reading this and I've never seen a story like this on the forums before. I think that its very original and unique, I was pretty much hooked from the first paragraph and the rest was just a whirlwind of awesome.

Firstly, I am amazed that you actually created a villain out of Rose Weasley. THat's something that I've never seen before and I'm really curious about how she became this woman and also what happened to her family and the Wizarding world in general. If you had gone into more detail about just Rose and how she became like this, I wouldn't have minded at all but there's a whole other story going on.

What I really liked was your take on magic and science, they're two things that work together so well but I rarely ever see. I think that you wrote it so well that its hard to imagine it not being fact and it actually makes a lot of sense.

Both magic and science can give and take life away and I found that fascinating. It was an interesting parallel I think, since Rose used her own magic to help her brother and ended up being put on trial. The same thing could be done for using illegal drugs in the Muggle world so I like what you did there. That scene in particular was really emotional and powerful, it had me at the edge of my seat but not nearly as much as the trial itself.

Rose knows what she did was right and even though it was going to have her thrown in Azkaban, she accepted her fate. I'm surprised that no one showed up to support her and I think that you've written the Weasley family a lot differently than what I've seen so far. I can't wait to learn more, especially about how her parents died. :(

Now, Vincent is giving me the creeps. I sense that he's a very ambitious man, the sort who would do anything to get what they wanted and I'm a bit scared of what he'll end up doing to Rose. I don't like the idea of him "training" her either, it makes me cringe. He seems very complicated, cultured and very sly, I'm interested in learning more about him.

Welp, I couldn't find a thing wrong with this chapter and I'm sure that you've gotten plenty of compliments already. I'm just happy that we ended up swapping today, hope to see you around again!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #35, by Stan Explore

14th September 2014:
Amazing story - easily the best next gen story ever written . The suspense and mystery is amazingly portrayed and the characterizations of the main characters is amazing.Reading this story you can actually feel the darkness reaching out for you . Most of the next gen fics are incredibly bland and "The one big happy Weasley Family" theme sometimes makes me want to pull my hair off - but your characters - especially Albus , Rose and Scorpius - are so well depicted that for the first time since reading Deathly Hallows , I don't curse the blandness of its epilogue. The relationship between Rose and Al ( and Scorp somewhere in between ) is easily the best thing about this story . The slightly incestuous background of their relationship is fascinating .

There are so many questions at this point - Is Harry alive ? why is he so OOC ? Why have he and the rest of the trio raised Rose and Al the way they have ? Was Harry aware that he was potentially creating another Dark Lord? What was Rose's price for saving Hugo? Who is the Man-in-the-Shack who isn't really a man ? What are the aims of the animagus society and why do they want Al ? Why was Scorpius Malfoy deemed Thw War ? How does Al die ? How does scorpius die ? So many questions , I hope you provide satisfactory answers to all of them .

The story is mostly flawless , though a few problems remain . Firstly , you did not really show the transition from Al , the lone and bullied Slytherin to Albus Potter , the Ice Price who ruled Slytherin house with an iron fist.Surely , befriending Scorpius did not make all the difference ? Also you misspell the Cruciatus and Imperius as Cruciatis and imperious respectively . Not a huge error , but slightly irritating . Plus , I am not sure what the situation in the future is ? Rose is the only witch alive , does that mean the other magical folk are dead ? Or does it mean that magic no longer exists in the new world , and only Rose somehow managed to retain her powers? I hope you make it clear . Now for some future speculation ( sorry , can't resist ) , is Rose really here only to be executed? Is she going to escape or just camly accept death ? I hope its not the latter , it would make for an unsatisfactory ending . May be she allowed herself to be captured to obtain an item hidden away by by the muggles - a Horcrux of Albus perhaps ? Nah , now its just wishful thinking. I can't believe you kill off Al so early though, its a shame - he is my favourite character - a monster who is yet a human - something JKR tried to create in Voldemort (through Dumbledore's memories) but could never quite manage. His death should be heartbreaking and beautiful - I hope you do it justice.

Before I wrap up the longest review I've ever written , one final question - why not post this story on a few other sites as well , most notably fanfiction . net , which has a bigger and wider audience than HPFF ? I only ask because I feel this story deserves a lot more reviews and reads than it has , and I almost missed this masterpiece because HPFF is not a site I really frequent. Either way , I hope you update real soon . Two months wait between chapters is TORTURE . Please , for the love of God , don't abandon this story , or I will curse your name as long as I live for leaving such a great piece of fiction unfinished.

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for the awesome and insightful review, and don't worry, the next update is in the queue!

The relationship between the trio is definitely my favorite part of the story as well, and yes, there is a certain /pseudo-romantic/ undertone to R and A. There is some very dark and complex psychology at work there, and I'm very careful and deliberate with how I play it.


Yes, yes, YES all those questions will be addressed in and are PIVOTAL to the story! Very, very good job keeping up with it all :)

"the transition from Al , the lone and bullied Slytherin to Albus Potter , the Ice Price who ruled Slytherin house with an iron fist." We will get background on this. I didn't stick it in the earlier chapters because there was already so much going on. I wanted to move the plot along. But the transition WILL come up again and be incorporated in a very relevant way.

I have so many scenes written for this story that often don't make the final /cut/. Within the story's frame (and the overarching HP mystery), it's almost impossible to expand on every character detail. But be sure to bring up anything else you think I've neglected or are interested in seeing!

Yes, thank you for catching my mistakes! Most of the chapters need to be edited for those things.

Old!Rose is DELIBERATELY vague about that part. Again, good job catching that. We'll definitely see it come up in the story.

Good speculation haha. You'll just have to see ;)

Albus is my favorite character too. By all means, I intend to do him justice.

I'm honored by such an outstanding review. Wow. Thank you so much. Sorry about the slow updates--school's kind of hectic right now. And don't worry, I have no intentions of abandoning this story.

-shez :)


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Review #36, by Sweety crazed Explore

13th September 2014:
Hey!!...m dying to knw d reasons!!!..not only Mr.walker Evn m frustrated as I can't piece them together!!..I feel lyk m in walker's place whn I read this !!..myth just proved m crazy abt knowing this suspense mixed surprise continuation of this story!!..anyways m in luv with this story n I badly wanna keep reading!!..pls do continue soon!!..u r doing an amazing job of writing!!..

Author's Response: Thanks! The next chapter is coming really soon and we'll get to the end eventually haha. I promise all will make sense :) Thanks for reviewing and hope you continue to enjoy!

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Review #37, by Roisin Fear

28th August 2014:
Hello, back to review this chapter!

I am INFINITELY curious about what inappropriate content you took out!

I loved the conference at the beginning with the various wizarding leaders--there was almost a level of satire to it. And seeing things from the Head's perspective was awesome (Kingsley as a "relic," "too diplomatic.") Kingsley is pretty much a FLAWLESS person in canon, and so I liked that you introduced an alt-POV of him (yet, from a pretty awful characters, therefore keeping Kingsley basically intact).

"China will not allow this madness to escalade" (LIKE THE CADILLAC???)--"escalate"

And just, UGH--so many people mess with/manipulate Rose in this story (ok, just Albus and the Head). "She learned fast and held high tolerance for his brutality." There are so many heartwrenchinly cruel lines from the Head in this passage--you narrow in on his perspective with marvelous focus.

And I'm so excited to see the interplay between James and Albus! We've always seen Al as this impossibly brilliant and infinitely cold mind--but then James refers to him as "bratty."

"Albus was difficult to keep to keep up with"--too many "to keep"s

"the fears turned to real entities and had to be dealt with accordingly"--this is such an interesting concept, and you end up bringing a brilliant resolution to it. (There's a cruelty to creating these things in the first place, only to put them down).

"figure out their path as he['d] done in the Forest."

Also, totally superficially, Other!Albus reminds me a bit of the Hermione double that emerged from the Locket in DH (she was "more beautiful and more terrible", and Other!Albus: "all the right spaces on his handsome face. The effect was horrific.")

"[a] wall of fire manifested in front of them"--this might be an opportunity to swap out the word choice for "manifested." Only because you use it elsewhere so nicely, whereas here, a number of things could work. (exploded, erupted, emerged, materialized, ignited, blazed).

This sentence: "Boys and girls were not supposed to kiss like this, in graveyards and with so much darkness." Just amazing. That passage is so harrowing, and you managed to step it up with the ironic contrast of that phrasing. Just brilliant.

OK, so now my big epic response to that whole scene: I'd assumed, for a while, that something terrible might happen between Albus and Rose--there were just too many "interlaced fingers" and snuggling to not expect it. And I suspected a few things; that it would be terrible and terrifying, and that Albus would start it. But I had NOT expected was for you to manage both of those things, and I would be left *with more sympathy for Albus than I'd originally had,* and some *real genuine/innocent sweetness and intimacy between Albus and Rose.* By creating The Other, you let this situation we'd all been anxiously suspecting MANIFEST, but in a radically different way. That Albus' greatest fear is himself more terrible--that means something, and it means something *good.* That's the kind of thing that gives me hope for him. And by making Albus/Rose happen in a magical and ninliteral way, you also got to examine it with wisdom and clarity. "Fears are fears. Not fantasies." That was just perfect. And then "Her words, they took from him a sigh of relief." 'Took from him' was a really original and fresh way of phrasing that.

I really hadn't expected that a chapter where AN Albus would assault Rose would also be the chapter where I felt the most sympathy for him--and then you would instantly stretch the limits of that newfound sympathy.

"he normally did not [give?] opponents a chance to attack."

Oh man, the part about the Other breaking Rose's bones: just GAH. You manage to give Albus humanity in the ugliest ways, and it's genius. "He wanted to break her bones but then he decided he didn't like it after all; REDEMPTION."

"It was a fascinating psychological experiment, for his rate of bull* would decrease the closer he drew to death." LOVED.

And the way you write Albus' train of thought in this chapter, so disjointed and rambling and nonlinear, was really masterful!

"An eye for an eye. A bone for a bone. Or twenty." This scene is just so horrific and so terrifying. Albus' sheer sadism is repulsive and wonderfully written. AH! It could have been heroic--facing his fear, avenging what the Other did to Rose.. but NOPE. Also, the line "smooching cousins" was smart too, because it returns our perspective of Albus to big-brotherly, rather than incestual.

"It happened like this: you faced your fears... Until your fears feared you." I JUST CAN'T, SHEZ, THIS IS TOO GOOD.

Then Rose being disgusted by him. That was just so wonderfully complex and well paced. I was GLAD that she was upset by it, and then there's a real tenderness to the scene of him carrying her after she calms down.. BUT, there's also something disturbing about it. Albus kind of manipulates her when she's very fragile and upset, and she's just this exhausted young girl who's VERY SCARED and has EVERY RIGHT to be, and these very clever men (him, the Head). know exactly how to twist her into doing what they want. Albus coaxes weakness out of her to make her compliant, so that he can keep her.

But then it still is kind of sweet... It's both.

HOW DO YOU DO THIS?

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Review #38, by Allison Explore

19th August 2014:
Great chapter!! Love your use of language -- so, so much.

I'm kind of worried that the Head/Aurors' investigation of the Crows will implicate Albus in some way... :( I feel so protective of him, even though he's *supposed* to be the one that can handle himself most efficiently, the greatest wizard ever...

Hehe, everything seems in line to collide and I'm so excited! The stone of magic is such an incredible concept. I've always wondered where magic in HP came from (since in other fantasy stories, the source and impact of magic usage is such a big thing) so I'm happy you're addressing it.

When Rose wonders about being Albus' exception -- those thoughts resonated so directly with mine. Of course, Albus is the way he is and he wouldn't be half as enchanting any other way, but a part of me really hopes that she is his exception. The improved Felix Felicis and Albus' moment of doubt really warmed my heart -- you are remarkably talented with that, you know. As dark and complex as this story is, those small moments between the characters have a way of being so touching. :)

Hugo's abduction -- ooh, intriguing! I've forgotten a little about him, but I like the relationship he has with Scorpius. To me, he's always been more like Rose's son, whereas Albus fills the brother role. Sigh. I know I shouldn't love Albus as much as I do, but... it's so hard. :x He's so horribly fascinating... Hehe, so at first, I thought Albus' attempted hexing of Scorpius was more of a display of jealousy / not wanting to share Rose, but maybe it could be just him showing off a "big brother" side? In his own way. Hmm, I don't know. Maybe I'm just too pro Albus being a secretly not-so-bad-or-creepy guy. And really, I don't think he's that bad at all -- just a complex person in a time where everything came together to make him the worst possible version of himself. But maybe that's just wishful thinking, lol.

Loved the ending with Mr Walker -- it makes everything all the more real. So, I was thinking: perhaps Scorpius "is" the war because of the change his romantic inclinations elicited in Rose? I feel like Albus is the dark, Scorpius is the light, and Rose is caught in between, unsure of which way to go. Rose seems intrinsically wired to lean more towards the dark, towards Albus (though maybe it's just from a lifetime of his influence), but she definitely is the more morally principled, compared to Albus, that is, so veering towards Scorpius is very possible. That, I'm sure, wouldn't make for a very happy Albus, but could that cause a war of sorts? Could a world war threatening to destroy humanity and magic really be instigated by one young man's inability to "let go" of the only person he feels has truly "loved" him? Gosh, that sounds kind of romantic, haha -- but actually, I think because it's platonic love, the whole idea, in this situation, becomes even more heartbreaking -- and heartwarming. Of course, it's 4AM and I'm just speculating wildly and rambling by now. Still though, I want to say that I love how this story doesn't focus on romantic love (at least at this point) as its driving force -- there are arguably stronger forces than that, and I love, love, love (lol) that you seem to have stuck with that so far. "Scorpius Malfoy is the war" ... hmm, those are my current thoughts, for now! I suppose, I could also look at it in terms of how much Scorpius means to Albus, and if Rose "taking" him would cause any reverberating impact, but I haven't gotten the feeling that Albus cares that much for Scorpius, so... yeah, we'll see!

God, wow. I'm kind of embarrassed of the length of this review, but I haven't gotten this excited in a story in so long. Everything is written and explained so realistically and confidently -- I love it and believe it easily, hehe. So, I'm looking forward to the next update, and hope you have fun with college!

Author's Response: Oh my gosh this is a beautiful review – I’m absolutely stunned. DON’T EVER BE EMBARRASED FOR RAMBLING. Seriously. This just made my week 

I absolutely agree that are stronger forms of love than romantic love—forms that are equally, if not more, heart-throbbing. I like to think Clash is heart-throbbing even without a gratuitous amount of romance. If I’m completely honest, Clash was born due to me getting sick of almost- every young adult novel/fanfic centering around romance. I wanted to challenge the cliché. You’ll notice that while there IS romance in Clash, it’s kept in the background, whereas the big, reoccurring themes – the fear vs. expectation, life vs. death, ambition vs. call to morality—it’s all centers around a very complex, very deep family relationship. I’ll even say that the HEART and SOUL of Clash is the relationship between Rose and Albus. It twists and fluctuates and shifts mood and temperature almost violently – and it’s all very intentional on my part, because Clash – at its most fundamental – is the exploration of a broken, distorted family. Hmm. It sounds a bit sad when I put it like that.

I won’t give spoilers, but I hope you know I really enjoyed your ‘wild speculations’ haha. And I thought they were perfectly valid guesses!

I’m glad you enjoyed the felix felicis part – it’s one of my favorites too!

Al, Rose, and Scorpius share a very interesting dynamic – but the conflict isn’t exactly having to choose between the dark/wrong/Al vs. light/right/Scorp. Al and Scorp were ‘mates’ long before Scorp started fancying Rose, and now that they’re all together, it’s a bit strange (for them all haha). You’ll see what I mean by that in upcoming chapters ;)

Thank you so much for one of the most passionate, BEST reviews I’ve gotten! Readers like you are why I keep writing haha. And I think we hold very similar views when it comes to the importance of nonromantic love ;)


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Review #39, by Roisin Explore

19th August 2014:
OH MY GOD THIS CHAPTER!

I wondered about Mr. Walker, since he didn't crop up at the beginning, and really, way to put him at the end! There are so many strands to this story--the crow people, that frikken guy in the shack (I nearly forgot about him!). I'm so excited to see how they all weave together.

So I took notes while reading, and I'll try to piece them into a coherent review (one note reads simply "sparring/feminism"):

-"warm scarfs"--should be scarves. SORRY.

-"Now it was nothing more than testament to a faded childhood"--this was a delightfully meta way to described the ruined Burrow, because it's like OUR CHILDHOODS, YOU KNOW. BECAUSE GROWING UP POTTER. Lovely!

-"While Albus rummage[d] through"

-"Your perception of love has grown very... distorted." HAH, look who's talking, Albus "What's Up With My Cousin" Potter.

-Maybe the dragon tamed her. This concept has come up before, and I loved this exchange. It's really atrocious the way that Albus sort of fantasized as her being this weak person, while he's always outwardly pressing her to improve. Because it's not really *improvement* he's trying to accomplish--he just likes bending her.

-"Niceties from Albus were usually like holiday decorations: planned, obvious, and purely aesthetic." Such a great analogy!

-Now, as for the word "manifest." Recently, it's only come up in terms of "manifest of magic," so it's fine to repeat the word, but there was a time some chapters back when that word got used a lot. It's a great word, and individually speaking, I liked the choice. But I'd go back and look into it, because sometimes it was once per paragraph. I'll try and point it out when I get to there whilst back-reviewing.

-"facial scar running across his face" is a wee redundant.

-I LOVE KOVY. Haven't mentioned that yet, but it's nice that Rose has a Normal Human Being in her life, outside of Hugo. AH, HUGO ABDUCTED, NO.

-'He eyed her doubtfully but said nothing, instead nodded. Looked away. Sipped his tea.' This was brilliant. It could have been a much less lovely bit, but separating it with periods like that was really nice. Also, the humanity of that exchange--another little moment of Autistic!Albus. Alsoalso, SO FELIX FELICIS IS GONNA COME UPPP? I'm immediately gonna throw out a fan theory: ScoRose happens, Incest!Albus gets stroppy, felix felicis is somehow involved, then MEGA WAR.

-As for "the sun" being the manifest of magic--I loved that idea, even if it isn't the case. Dave Eggars wrote a short story (from the perspective of a dog), and at the end "it turns out the sun is god." Anyway, I loved the real science that you used in this chapter to augment the magical discussion (conservation of energy/etc). Roses diagram of photosynthesis-->magic was delightful.

-"he simply known where to go." should be "he'd simply known" or "he simply knew"

-"The words evoke[d] three seconds."

-"And if Rose she thought he," remove "Rose" or "she." PS, I love how it's a running thing that you don't subject-intro Rose and Albus by name at times when authors would, simply saying "she" and "he." It's a really nice device, and sort of sets them APART and reminds us how IMPORTANT they are, and hints at future RIVALRY.

-"Because Once Upon a F-ing Time, those ideals had worked." I loved this sentence. It kind of sums up a lot of the tone/concepts of this piece. All of the Potter Canon joy and humanism is gone here, and this is the meta-fanfic adult sequel--and the rules have changed.

-"inwardly wondering whether it was in bad taste to make that joke." Ohoho, rumblings of indecency. Then again, the subconscious pact not to mention the Boggart shows a lot of innocence to their relationship.

-"was no long[er] relevant."

-"then at last that he learned to see." A great nod to the classics (the "seer" archetype is sightless, because The Light that illuminates and gives The Sight, blinds to the natural world!) Not that he's *literally* blind, but I liked the homage.

-And here we go: "sparring/feminism." I *could* have a lot of *feelings* of a *feminist* nature about Albus being consistently *better* than Rose--but I don't. Because she's better, where it matters. And as for the technical stuff, she's REALLY good--he's just preternatural. I love that you were able to do that. And also, where he excels is in his "ballerina grace," whereas she's "brutish." So yeah, hardly gonna call "gender" here!

-"I had wonder[ed] when and where shed picked the habit."

-And Scorpius/Rose. I'm loving Scorpius more and more, and like I said about Albus/Rose lacking *genuine desire*--ScoRose have it. It does a great job of helping me-the-reader stabilize my impressions of Albus/Rose by offering contrast.

-AH, HUGO NO! I LOVE THE HUGO!

This story is just sososososososo great! I really can't even begin to fathom how you did it! The way the prose varies between rich and rough, the complexity of the plot and characters, the many unique literary devices, it all SHINES.

Now I am going to fret around, waiting for the next update. Please rerequest whenevs! I still have all those back-chapters, and that BOGGART to tackle :)

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: As always, thanks so so so much for the nitpicks! I need them for sure. And my abuse of the word 'manifest' yikes!

Glad you liked the whole discussion about magic--it's definitely the opener to many developments/ideas coming up.

And Kovy, yeah! Rose needs a few normal people here and there haha.

There's definitely a softer side to Albus in the Felix Felicis scene, and those very last lines are my favorites as well. Though your fan theory made me chuckle.

"Ohoho, rumblings of indecency." You think so? Haha. I'm sure Freud would think so too.

Glad your inner feminist approves! Though this story isn't really meant to make any sort of statement about women's roles or things like that. I'm writing characters, not genders, and while Albus may be better in the magical realm, Rose is the one who carries the story, and, ultimately, she'd the one that survives.


As always, thanks so much for the amazing review! I hope my reply is somewhat worthy :p



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Review #40, by Roisin Grieve

19th August 2014:
I'm going to do this chapter before I do the next, just to get back into the flow of things/remember where we left off.

First off, just GAH. That opening was really beautifully written. One picky little note though "on it were dead bodies." I think this line is supposed to be striking and blunt--and it's almost there, but it needs *some* sort of tweak. ("Upon it: corpses rot." or something). You've actually used passive voice a few times in this story, but I've always really enjoyed the effect on it. Sometimes, things just work better written passively (you usually do it in a "form following content" kind of way, and Rose is often a passive player in her life) :)

And then another nitpick: "contemplating his fathers path as he now it." Sorry? Either there's a missing word, or you used "now" instead of "knew."

BUT OTHERWISE, I really liked Albus' Holmesian deducing. The bracketed thoughts were a great device!

And then the nod about Harry being "a Gryffindor" and "self-sacrificing." So far, Harry has been really OOC seeming, so it's definitely a nice mystery twist to suggest that he's not entirely different. I HAVE NO GUESSES AS TO WHAT IS GOING ON!

Another device here, was the capitalization of things like "Earnest Words" and that--I loved that. Also, and this is something I have LOTS TO SAY ON, but for this chapter and the last, Albus becomes a little more sympathetic. Almost because he seems kind of *autistic.* He comes off nearly evil at a lot of points, and definitely sociopathic most of the time, but at this stage in the story, *straight up autistic* comes into play a little bit. He doesn't understand people, and it begins to frustrate him. The fact that he *wants* to behave like a human being, but *can't;* it's the wanting that redeems him.

Oh man--Albus/Rose stuff. A lot of that I'll discuss when I get to the previous chapter, because I know EXACTLY what I want to say about it. (Sorry these reviews are getting so out of order).

"She called him a cruel bastard but with like a sigh of relief." I'm not sure about "with like." I'm sure the valley girl is accidental, though :)

And I LOVE the way you did child!Albus' voice and POV. Brilliant! And again, it's almost more striking to see harry IN character--because the questions! In that scene, he was *very* in character.

I really, really liked that Albus uses muggle... devices, BUT, they seemed odd choices. Stimulants are a FAR cry away from calming potions. Opiates and barbiturates are much more in line. Then again, the thought of him nursing a glass pipe is terrifying, and I liked it. Maybe start off the list with more likely choices (smack), and then introduce the stimulants later?

"According to Hugo, they had a bit of a bromance." I love how casual and modern this line is, against the majorly angsty passages that preceded it. I just love Hugo :)

But I'm not sure about "quarantine" as a word choice in this story for the situation. I study infectious diseases a lot in college, and quarantine really only gets used for that (the etymology is pretty consistent). No better phrasing comes to mind, but maybe look into the Iron Curtain era (like, scan the wikipedia page), and a better word will surely materialize.

Another brilliant thing in this story, is the shifting focalizations. A lot of readers on here have said, in various threads, how changing POVs can get confusing, and here you vary focus so rapidly, but it's *always* clear who you're speaking through. "Literally most soul crushing thing ever"--Scorpius. You don't add quotes, and you don't italicize, but you don't really need to. Your characters are so distinct, that their voices come across very easily. NICE ONE.

Question, though: it's a little confusing where Rose *lives.* She appears to sleep at her house, where Albus is staying, but we never saw her move in. And it doesn't seem like the Head would have allowed that.

Not sure about this, either: "The tape of memories.." A) they're wizards and B) this story takes place in the 2020s--even muggle kids wouldn't know what 'tapes' were, probably.

"The thunderous roar of the storm followed up with a flash of lightning, illuminating his features for a split second, which had instantly grown cold." I've said it before, but there's just enough "gothic novel" to this story--I love it.

An overall note: you continue to write Rose really realistically, but in totally abnormal situations. And yet, she still seems *young,* which is great. You've shown how these things have influenced her, and it would be really easy to write her as an adult. Instead, you managed something much trickier, and wrote a teenager who was still a teenager, but changed. BRAVO.

And as per Rose/Albus--again, I'll get to this when I review the Boggart!Albus chapter, but I'd be a fool to miss all those "chaste kisses" and long hugs. THAT SAID, if there was /real pulsing desire/ well, they would have noticed during one of their snugglefests. I stand by my original analysis: "mixed up." These two are so twisted, I think they've lost sight of what is and isn't appropriate. They treat each other almost as lovers, but GENUINE desire isn't present. Neither is clear what they want from the other, and the truth is, what they want, they can't find in each other. Ultimately, I think they lack proper guidance, and proper families, and both are starved for love and affection.

(and I'm kind of, but not really, but a little bit, but really not, just kind of guiltily, *shipping them*)

OK YUSSS LET'S DO THE NEXT CHAPTER

Author's Response: Hey!

Firstly, thanks so much for the nitpicking. Edits, edits, edits! haha. :)

Ahh yes, I remember now, this was the angst chapter.

Glad the bracketing/capitalizing worked for you! Since a mega part of Clash is character study, I'm always looking for new or interesting ways to conceptualize character thoughts/feelings.

And writing little!Albus was too much fun hehe.

During one of my mega story edits, I'll definitely look for replacements for 'quarantine'. Same with the 'tape' of memories. And the drug choices. As always, thank you for the nitpickings!

Yes, yes YES. I've tried so hard to keep Rose *young*. There's a naiveté to her right now, I hope, and it functions to provide a stark contrast between her and the Old!wizened!Rose. I'm very excited to write her development from girl to woman.

In one of the earlier chapters, I believe the Head allows her permission to have the house for her perusual as long as 'she remains within the bounds of his authority' or something like that. He doesn't explicitly say she can stay at her house, but it's sort of implied.

Ahh your comments to Rose/Albus are so deep and thoughtful. It appears to be a hot topic with other reviewers as well, and I'm loving the range of interpretations I'm getting about them. All I'll say is that while Clash isn't a /romance/, it is in many ways a /love story/ or rather a story ABOUT love. Nontheless, the Rose/Albus relationship is def. up for speculation right now. There's some very dark psychology at work there.

(you're not the first reviewer to 'guiltily' ship them, and I doubt you'll be the last).

As always, thanks for the amazing review!


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Review #41, by Roisin Jolt

18th August 2014:
More meta-Walker! This one is definitely the funniest so far--with him(/us) begging for more Scorpius! Just brilliant! "I want all the parts." Yes, yes we do.

"Sudden rapping on the window made her pulse shoot, but she forced myself calm and climbed out of bed." Uh, come again? I think you meant "forced *herself*" ;)

All of the ScoRose really is just delightful. You excel at wit and banter! I love how just *sweet* Scorpius is, which is a wonderful contrast to Albus. Usually sweetness, and cuteness, and romance turn me off of stories, but this one is so smart and so dark that I actually am enjoying it! Also, I like that he isn't, well, PERFECT. More that, in the context of what's going on, he shines. In another story, he might be rather an a-hole.

"HEAD AUROR for MINISTER crossed DICTATOR" You have such a creative way with language! This isn't necessarily the best example of what I mean, but sometimes your formatting on dialogue (one paragraph alternating between italics and regular) is really original (at least for this site).

So many interesting choices in this chapter: lots of Scorpius POV, meaning levity and humour, which tempers the really disturbing bits (Albus being tortured, the riot).

And the way you did Rose's being recognized in Diagon Alley, in list form, was really inspired! I have a hard time finding words to describe why I love your writing so much--and also, there are many reasons. To start, the narrator has such personality (even in its omniscient moments). The narration is often almost CRUEL, or at least calculating. But also very funny at times. The tone throughout is just tremendous, and you manage really nuanced prose and diction. Overall, there's just a real freshness about the technical choices you make.

Now, and I can't remember if this is much of an issue in this chapter specifically, but there's actually a lot of little grammar fumbles that crop up in this story. They're more like typos, and it's clear that you *do* know the correct forms, but particularly during intense scenes (where you were obviously writing more quickly), there's a peppering of errors. Not so much their/there confusion or anything, more like two synonyms back to back (where one wasn't deleted), or a verb in the wrong tense, or "him" instead of "her." If you read through your chapters again, especially out-loud, I'm sure you'll find them easily :) Or maybe a beta-reader? Then again, I'm stupidly sensitive to these things in other people's writing, so you might not need to prioritize it unless you think you're getting similar comments from other readers. Also, if editing future chapters in ANY WAY lengthens the time between updates, then SCRAP IT. I would rather get a new chapter with a few dumb typos then wait extra long for an otherwise identical one!

Speaking of updates: I'm SO EXCITED that the next chapter is up! Let me know if you want me to review everything in order (which I can do), or if you want me to review the new chapter next!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: ALl right, finally hunkering down and responding to your mega fabulous (EXTREMELY INTIMIDATING) reviews. Only took me, what, three months? Yeah, I suck lol.


Glad you enjoyed the ScoRose wit and banter; I'm actually /not/ a ScoRose (or really, anything) shipper so I was pretty insecure about the 'mush' content in this chapter. Glad it wasn't overkill.

"The narration is often almost CRUEL, or at least calculating. But also very funny at times." Aww yes! This is why I love your reviews so much--you always seem to pick up on a lot of my under-the-surface content. Clash is very much like an orchestra piece IMO, or I guess a smoothie, with it's different layers and flavors and tones mixed together. I've spent a lot of time playing around with the tone to see what works (i.e what's interesting to read). I've always been a fan of dark comedy so I'm glad that shines!

You're my beta reader :p


Amazing review as always! Thanks Roisin!


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Review #42, by Pia Explore

18th August 2014:
Hi!

Nice way of ending the chapter, it would be hard to make the waiting for the next chapter more agonizing haha!
I can only assume that after Hugo's abduction, Rose will go crazy, Scorpius might help with the craziness and Albus might tag along to see what happens! What fun times they have ahead of them! :D

As always, Rose and Albus dynamics are superb, their characters just fit each other so well, it's amazing! And I loved seing Scorpius again, his kindness in the middle of all this is astonishing! It seems like he refused to be a cynic and that's really refreshing, let's see if it is going to last!
Speaking of Scorpius, Albus' jealousy is showing, he doesn't like to share Rose attention at all, doesn't he?
But what we and Albus learn from all of this it's that when in a desperate situation, Rose can do spectacular things! I wonder how hard Albus is going to push her now... maybe kidnap her brother or something? ;) (not that I think he really did it but I guess it's something that Albus wouldn't have a problem doing, Hugo is Rose weakness and Albus might like to Explore that too)


Also I want to know what is the Head's game, I'm sure that he had a very specific reason to pick Rose for that mission and I guess it's safe to say that it can't be good!

And Mr. Walker! I was missing him! All those bits about the future are just so tantalizing, I'm dying to know!

Thanks for your nice reviews responses, I really like them and I can't wait to see the future love life of Albus!!! And if I remember another creepy songs I would let you know, if you want.

Wishing all the best for your college life, for your own good and for this story's good too(sorry but Pottermore sorted me in Slytherin so I had to say it haha)!
Keep writing as fast as you can, please!

Author's Response: Hey Pia!

Lovely theories! The next chapter shall be up soon so you'll get to see if you're right!

Fun times, definitely. haha. Loads and loads of dark, crazy fun.

Scorpius is refreshingly optimistic and I love him for that. And no, of course Albus doesn't like to share Rose ;)

Interesting theory! You'll just have to see why or how Hugo was abducted and I think you're in for a surprise.

Sorry for torturing you with all the future bits! We'll get there eventually haha.

By all means share creepy songs with me haha. I'm all for creepy songs and I'm always looking for Clash-writing music.


Thanks so much for the review Pia! The next chapter should be up soon! :)


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Review #43, by AlexFan Explore

18th August 2014:
The beginning of this was so NORMAL. It was just Rose and Albus sitting around and bantering with each other. Sure they were in a dead version of the Burrow but that's like a celebration by them at this point. I love how Rose is freaking out about the fact that it would take weeks to translate the runes and Albus is just like "God Rose it's like you know nothing about me."

I thought it was really nice that Albus got Rose a gift for her birthday, and it was nice to see a glimpse of some emotion from him as well. Albus may be stone cold about 99.9% of the time but in the moment when he thought Rose didn't like what he'd given her, he let himself actually be bothered by the fact that she wouldn't like his gift (although I'd be more inclined to believe that he was annoyed over the fact that he put in so much effort and Rose didn't even want his potion).

By this point in the story it's obvious that Albus likes control (it was obvious even before now) but I get the feeling that even if he doesn't have control over a situation, it isn't going to stop him from poking at whatever he's investigating. The lack of control he has will most likely annoy Albus but it would probably make him even more determined to understand what is proving difficult instead of abandoning it. It's like he won't stop until he DOES have control over something that can't be controlled.

Something that's always bothered me about Albus is his possessiveness when it comes to Rose. Because it's not cute, it's creepy, and despite the fact that Rose has more than pointed out to him that she is a human being and not an object, it seems like Albus doesn't quite seem to get it. He's fine with Rose doing whatever she wants as long as it's on her own but the minute that someone else, like Scorpius, gets involved it's like Albus feels as if it's his duty to keep people away from Rose. And I hate how Rose has just come to accept that this isn't going to change, because I know Albus isn't going to change, but it's just sad how she's just come to accept the fact that the relationship that she has with Albus is probably always going to be unhealthy.

There's really really small things that Albus does occasionally that shows that he cares about Rose but at the same time it doesn't change the fact that the two of them have a really dysfunctional relationship AND JUST AGH I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP OKAY.

One thing that I really love about your writing is that I can immediately tell when the point of view of the story had changed. Like when the story had switched to Walker's point of view, I could tell from the first few words that the story had stopped temporarily and I'd just like to congratulate you on that because I've come across very few authors that can pull off different points of views in a story well (it's actually a huge pet peeve of mine).

Hugo's abduction, that can't be good (although that's not saying much since abductions are generally bad things).

Author's Response: YES THE BEGINNING OF THIS WAS NORMAL. I felt so weird writing it tbh, because my characters RARELY just sit around and chat like that. But it was a good way to get some exposition in.

Glad you liked the potion-gift scene! It's one of my favorites for this chapter!

Albus definitely loves control and he certainly isn't by any means trying to be 'cute' haha. Your feelings are justified, but I wouldn't say he's trying to keep her 'away' from people...it's more that he feels threatened. Anyway, you'll just have to see what becomes of their relationship! I have plenty of surprises in store!

It's ok, I have mixed feelings about all my characters all the time haha.

Hugo's abduction, coming up! Thanks for R&Ring, Alexfan! I really appreciate it.
You really do leave the best reviews :)


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Review #44, by Dave Explore

16th August 2014:
Awesome chapter. The mystery and intrigue continues which is just pure brilliance on your part.

Just a quick question though, roughly how far through the story do you estimate you are - a quarter? a third? half way through?

Author's Response: Hello, Dave. At the moment I have the next 10 chapters planned in detail with a rough outline for subsequent chapters. I'd say we're between a third and halfway done - I see this story being about 40 chapters but it can go over depending on how future scenes write themselves. Thanks for reviewing and hope you hang in there til the end!

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Review #45, by whykay Explore

16th August 2014:
Great job. I am so thrilled with the plot. Exact order of body count?? That sounds ominous. There is no predicting which way this will go. I don't even know what genre this falls under - apocalypse of the magical world?

Please continue writing! Waiting for quicker updates!!!

Author's Response: Oh yes, lots of ominous stuff coming up. I'm very excited for where the story goes next, plot wise. Thanks for reviewing! I'll be sure to write as fast as I can!

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Review #46, by insertofafanboy Grieve

15th August 2014:
well hello, and congratulations on one year anniversary!

I just wanted to say, this story is unlike from anything I've ever read, and I love it! you write in such a beautiful way, I literally cannot explain it. and the dynamics of everything all fit in smoothly.

the characters you've created, are believable. al, he is such am interesting character, and even though he is horrible I still love him! everything he says and does, is for reason and that is awesome. he just, he baffles me like hell. but I love the relationship between Al & Rose, really I do. he really does love her, and even Scorp.

now Rose, she is a really strong headed person, she is so...her. if that makes sense? haha, let's just say I love every relationship you've done between each character.

and the plot,it's urgh...I CANT FAULT IT.

keep up the fantastic work.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your lovely review!

haha Albus is kind of a hard character to pin down. Glad you like the relationship between him and Rose.

Yes, Rose really is the heart of the story; very stubborn character. Glad you like all the relationships!

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #47, by Roisin Rupture

7th August 2014:
Hi again! Back for another requested review.
So rather than giving you one general review of chapters 2-16, I decided to resume at the next chapter. Partially because I doubt I could contain all of my gushing feedback of so many chapters into one review. (And to clarify, I left the review for c1 after reading it, and for 2 after reading it, and then just couldn't stop reading and didn't want to pause for reviewing. BUT, anything I picked up on in those 2 reviews wasn't the result of reading ahead--it's because you very effectively foreshadowed/transmitted!)

On to the good stuff:
I really like the framing device of the interview--throughout, it does a remarkable job of introducing levity in unexpected ways! These interludes are just meta enough to be funny, without breaking the tone of the piece (you can almost hear the DUN DUN DUHN! in them, and Mr. Walker is a great stand in for the reader).

Albus is definitely a lot of things, and I wouldn't want to reduce him to only one comparison, but sometimes he reminds me of Sherlock Holmes. At least in this chapter, brewing a potion with Rose, and "preferring" her to be there just so someone can see how clever he is.

Overall, he's just so hard to pin down, in a good way! He's at once a master manipulator, but can sometimes (in his more human moments) seem positively oblivious to how normal people think and feel.

Also, and I'm totally jumping ahead here, but it's something I sort of decided at this point: I think Albus IS *in love* with Rose, only he's so twisted, that being "in love" is something different for him. Or at least, that's one way to conceptualize it. The interesting thing about that interpretation: being a sociopath, therefore you can't love properly > better than straight up incest? "It's OK, because rather than wanting to kiss her, he wants to break her wrists."

Again, just one way of looking at something multifaceted.

"The only creature in the world with the power to immortality on the verge of dying out." There are so many smart ideas in this story, this is just one of them. I love how you use magic(generally speaking) to set up these ideas, almost like clever riddles of meaning and interpretation. It really enriches the experience of reading this story!

One thing I'd wished for a little more of though, was the Potters. You spend a paragraph describing how the family is crumbling, and I thought your examples were great and realistic, but I wished for a little more. If only because it's such a human, imperfect thing to go through. It would be interesting to see sociopath-Albus in all his genius and physical beauty trying to maintain his dignity against that backdrop. Also (to be absurdly nitpicky) you refer to Ginny as going through a "downward spiral" in a later chapter. I wouldn't take issue with the phrasing from another writer, but it's quite an easy and common metaphor. You have a tremendous way with words, and for writing that kind of thing in surprising turns of language, and think you could easily manage a better word choice. :)

Oh, and I haven't gushed about Hugo yet! He's so strong in the face of all of his troubles, but not in a stereotypical, stoic way. It's really realistic--his humor, his demand for dignity. That's REAL strength. I love that he isn't just a prop for Rose, or a sad little sick boy, but a proper character in his own right.

You tackle so many difficult subjects in this story, and many would be tough to get away with, but you always give them the respect they deserve. No subject is off limits if it's given proper realism and depth. Offense is, I think, borne of reductionism.

And AH! The scene about cursing the spiders! So potent, so telling. Albus' feelings about Rose are so convoluted. He clearly tries to mold her into someone colder, more like him. At the same time, he loves/needs her humanity (both to stabilize him, and also to make himself feel superior). I have no idea how you went about crafting this character, he's so very twisty, and fully formed!

And just !!! Their relationship is so manipulative, so abusive, but Rose isn't dumb or weak. Quite the contrary. I love that you were able to create a character who, really, has been quite psychologically (and physically) abused by Albus and the Head--and how that has distorted her mindset and sense of identity--yet you kept her a likable, admirable person.

"you took a life in exchange for the persons death"--what a brilliant, poignant concept.

And the hint about lightning to revive Hugo--very Mary Shelley. One could say this is works on many levels as a gothic novel.

And his owl is named Dudly. Just. Yes.

"In this way it was also more admirable"--HOW ARE YOU SO WISE???

All in all, a masterfully plotted chapter that really perfectly set the stage for Scorpius' introduction to the folds. There was just enough (really successful) humor to offset so much darkness, and you continued to craft fascinating relationships.

WELL DONE!

Author's Response: Hey! Glad you find the 'Mr. Walker channeling the reader' bits amusing and I'm pleased that they don't detract from the foreboding tone of the story (it's always been difficult to balance humor with the serious nature of this story). On another tangent, I was reading HP:MOR earlier today-it's extremely well done and I'm truly flattered by the comparison (although I don't think I can produce something THAT large in scope. 100+ chapters? yikes!). At any rate, I'm pleased by all the praise you've given this story thus far and I noticed you recommended it on the forums. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Really, it means a lot.

Haha I can definitely see the Sherlock Holmes comparison- Albus is pretty smug about his intellect, and at the same time isolated because of it. Your perspective of Rose/Albus amuses me greatly, (because I tend to get a lot of different opinions, ranging from intense platonic love to people actually shipping the two of them and wanting something to happen between them...Yeah, lots of different stuff) and your comment about it being ok, since "rather than wanting to kiss her, he wants to break her wrists." made me LOL. For a moment I couldn't tell if you were being serious. And of course I'm not going to tell you if you're right ;)

I do agree about extending the part about the Potters- what you say makes absolute sense, and I suppose when I was writing it, I was more concerned with moving the plot forward and didn't give the subplot enough attention. I will probably go back and fix it during a revision. And there WILL be more on the Potter family in the future, too. Just fyi.

I love your analysis of Hugo. It is EXACTLY what I wanted to convey about him. Having been, essentially, weak and powerless all his life- he dislikes being undermined by his older sister (typical teenage boy) and would really like to exercise his own resolve.

Ahh the spider scene is so telling, and really lays the groundwork for the emerging clash of personalities and principles. Glad you find Rose admirable-she's really the heart of the story while Albus is the brain.

That idea was TOTALLY inspired by Frankenstein haha. Oops, my sources are showing.

Yes, Albus would name his obnoxious pet after his obnoxious uncle haha. Glad you noticed!

Thanks for your, as always, AMAZING analytic review and I'll be sure to rerequest whenever you have a spot open. I look forward to finding out what you think about the rest! :)



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Review #48, by trewin7502 Grieve

3rd August 2014:
Amazing work! Just mind boggling how good this story is! Keep going please and I can't wait to find out more about the mysterious Harry Potter and all his hidden secrets

Author's Response: Will do! Thanks for taking the time to leave a review!

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Review #49, by Roisin Him

1st August 2014:
Way too into this story to wait for a re-request! I'll try to make this review helpful, but I may devolve into "LJGFSNLJGAGWBFIE!11!11!"-ing.

First off: the first paragraph. !!!1!1!!.

That was a really good example of the kind of dry humor you weave into this story. That opening was so meta--BECAUSE IT'S LIKE WHAT THE READER THOUGHT, YOU KNOW?!?!

One kind of small thing I appreciated: your description of apparition. I feel like a lot of people, me included, just kinda go "you know, squeezed through a tube and all that." I like how you used new ways to describe it, and didn't totally take it for granted.

Throughout, Albus is fascinating. You've created a really tricky character here, and I cannot find the words to squee enough. The way you introduce him as a small child really forces the audience to have some sympathy, but still the narrator insists that he's trouble.

And the whole bit with Harry--this story is very clearly heading somewhere BIG, but I have NO IDEA where or what that is.

The Rose/Albus relationship is also infinitely interesting and complex. You say they are best friends, they are also family, there is also bitter rivalry and mistrust, and Rose at least tries to understand Albus. Also, there's something. I don't want to call it "romantic" or "incestuous"--"mixed up" is the best way I can describe it. I don't know if that will actually be a plot point, or if its more the interpretation of others, or if its just a (honestly, realistic) subtlety of so complicated a relationship.

And I know I said I wasn't interested in reviewing Rose/Scorpius ships, but that's mostly because it's just so, "WELL YEAH." I'm both weary and wary of them, because it's an obvious ship specifically for its irony. Too often, I feel like the irony, and disliking-one-another beginnings are kind of taken for granted. Here, you really do it justice.

"Arms pinned against the wall, his shirt was torn from clawing. Lip bled, torso ached from the countless kicks"--a beautiful sentence. And I liked that this bullying involved Albus peeing himself, because violence can really easily be romanticized. Peeing yourself is always pathetic/shameful.

And just, AH! The whole Scorp/Albus friendship is so very brilliant, and detailed, and complicated, and subtle, and loaded. And just the image of these two very handsome, very talented, complete psychopaths is simply intoxicating. I could probably write several reviews on the Scorp/Albus passage alone.

The last section almost shows some cracks, maybe some vulnerability in Albus. Maybe. It's written quick, but he holds his crying sister. Then again, this: "It would take her years to figure out its true manifest."

This story has waded out incredibly far into the murkiest depths of human psychology and behavior, and you've managed to tease apart really slippery subtleties. IT IS A TRIUMPH.

Two mistakes:
-"had brought his [him] to this point."

-"The fact [that] Albus could manipulate Scorpiuss observations"

One more time, and then I'll shut up about it: HPMOR! There's Harry/Draco and Harry/Hermione friendships there that remind me of Albus/Scorp and Albus/Rose--but mostly, this story brings it to mind because both are going somewhere BIG, both involve BIG MAGIC, both have a dark!Potter, and I can't even fathom where either is going.

Okay, I'm going to stop here before fangirl takes over completely, leaving nothing left of Roisin when she is done.

AJGEFBMVHRMBGKH!!!1!!11!
-Roisin

Author's Response: FIRST PARAGRAPH I KNOW. HAHA

Mr. Walker is just so smart that he seems to exactly what readers are thinking and I just love his role for it (haha another character whose full name is a mystery).

I have too many feels about Albus to try to explain him. You've read ahead so you know exactly why he's such a complex character to characterize.

I'm very careful and deliberate with how I play the Rose/Albus dynamic and I like your "mixed-up" comment, because that seems to be the best explanation for such a complex relationship. Agreed, there's something very intentionally ambiguous about them, and most readers won't really pick up on the subtlety (which is totally fine, tbh). You'll just have to see what becomes of it.

Glad you enjoyed the Al/Scorp friendship-and the "two very handsome, very talented, complete psychopaths"- I wouldn't say Scorpius is a psychopath, moreso someone that goes along with Albus' schemes for the thrill of it. And I like to think of Albus as a pseudopsychopath than a full-fledged psychopath, though I'm sure it seems that way from chapter 2.

This story is a massive character study under the horror/action-adventure tag haha.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL REVIEW.

YOU ARE AMAZING :)


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Review #50, by Roisin Her

1st August 2014:
YESSS! This was EXACTLY the kind of story I was looking for when I started my review thread! So smart, such a fresh take on the characters, and absolutely different from any nextgens I've ever seen.

So first things first: I love it.

The opening was an incredible shock, and immediately piqued ALL OF THE curiosities. I thought the internal dialogue Mr. Walker had was really well done, and rather a joy to read. And the prose throughout is really superb. There's a bluntness to it, and the narrative so far is absolutely *merciless*. MAGIC IS GONE FROM THE WORLD. ROSE IS OLD. HERMIONE IS DEAD. WEEP, FANGIRLS. And I do, I weep.

The bit where Rose revives Hugo was tremendous. I loved how you conceptualized magic, in fact, I wonder if you've read Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality? It does a really similar thing, and I'm really excited that there will be more analysis on magic. Also, this: "In its simplest form, magic is an idea. And a very good idea, mind you."

I really appreciated that your Rose was SMART. She's very often portrayed as silly, even frivolous, but she IS Hermione's daughter, after all.

And I haven't seen many stories here that shift focalizations so easily, even though that's common in a lot of fiction. I think that worked to keep the pace up, and gave you the space to get a lot across. Sticking to one POV at a time can have certain benefits, but it can also be constricting. I'm guessing this story will be a very involved plot, and I'm glad that you can dart between various interiorities to effect your narrative. Also, all of your characters so far are really interesting, so I'm glad that we can see inside any of them.

Vincent "The Head" Mysteryman is driving me crazy with curiosity, as his last name hasn't yet been divulged. I have to assume right now that he's somehow canon, but haven't got a single guess. I mean, Crabbe is dead, and I can't think of any other Vincents.

There were so many lines in this that I loved, but this one really stood out: "the fastidious expression of someone who was rarely ever pleased."

The bickering house elves were a GREAT concept. Mediterranean and Japanese food--hilarious! This is definitely one of the more serious nextgens I've ever seen, but you manage to include some very nice, very dry comedy.

The Head is really a fantastic character, and I can't wait to read more of him! I almost wonder if he'll end up being a reluctant father-figure, if only because of his marked "NO BOYS" rule.

And calling Voldemort "Tommy"--I feel like that said a lot. It was so irreverent, so familiar, so completely devoid of either fear or respect. I highly suspect that Vincent will prove to be a largely amoral, or at least, morally ambiguous character.

I know you said you weren't particularly vexed about grammar, but a few little things I picked up on. They are very tiny and trivial, and I only point them out because the writing was so great overall:
-"lates nights"

-"Energy that wizards use manipulate to perform various functions." I suspect you wrote "use" and then switched to "manipulate"

-"there are techniques in magic that are able to bypass." I think a word is missing here, and I had to read a few times to be sure I understood the passage.

-"lemonade of [on] a hot summer day," otherwise a great line!

-"He would have [to] crush that defiant spirit in due time"

All in all, a really REALLY wonderful story! I hope this review was what you were looking for--and hope you rerequest soon!!!

And seriously, if you haven't already read HP&MOR--I think you'd dig it. It's pretty wild, but has some startling thematic similarities with this story.

Great Job!
-Roisin

Author's Response: OH GAWSH.

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL REVIEW.

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story and I admit I've never read 'Methods of Rationality' but if definitely sounds like something I'd enjoy!

Glad you enjoyed my conceptualization of magic- I swear, it's my inner nerd's fault and because I refuse to believe thins just 'poof' out of thin air. It really lays the groundwork for the rest of the story and what happens.

Glad you liked my interpretation of Rose- she definitely has her mother's brains and nerve, but I wanted to give a darker and a more desperate edge.

I love that you picked up on everything I wanted to convey with the Head, and the very, very dry humor with this chapter. He's not canon- and that I avoid giving his last name is because I hadn't thought one up at this point in writing (and I totally poke fun at this later somewhere that it makes him a more mysterious figure, and thus, scarier to his subordinates). So yeah, the Head enjoys his ambiguity and I like your reluctant father-figure comment haha. I keep forgetting you've read ahead.

Thanks for the grammar tidbits and an overall amazing review!


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